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“Bye, losers.” Donghyuck waved off the two other boys with a careless hand, bidding a very half-assed farewell. He usually hung out with them on Thursdays since Mark had practice until late, but Jaemin was being clingy and Donghyuck was well aware he’d have to witness Renjun spoiling him. He just wasn’t up to third wheeling, especially when their other boyfriend, the only one nice enough to at least acknowledge his presence, was busy with training. And perhaps the hectic weeks of exams that stopped him from doing so much made him miss his boyfriend. Like, a lot.
The young brunette practically skipped towards the canteen and smiled a bit too widely when he ordered the extra sandwich, without tuna. Mark absolutely hated canned tuna, Haechan himself couldn’t get enough of it. After paying for the food and two extra juice boxes he began his way to the school’s gym, where the basketball team usually practiced.
Mark had apparently been training since he was just six years old, a youngster born to be a legend, as his coaches would say. Donghyuck must say, having an athlete boyfriend like Mark was definitely one of the most amazing things he could have ever asked for. Their height difference wasn’t even that big, but let’s just say Donghyuck had a thing for feeling small and Mark’s prominent muscles made him very happy.
But even if his boyfriend was comfortable to cuddle and nice to cling onto it was still tedious to date someone like him.
You see, Mark was a star basketball player for a star team in a star school, his title already gave him more fame than many celebrities, at least in Donghyuck’s point of view. Being under so many watchful eyes was probably what made him feel so pressured.
When the older boy had finally asked Donghyuck out after much too long pining, he had been static. The idea of dating Mark Lee, school’s star athlete, ace student, every girl’s dream boy, it made him weak in the knees just thinking about it. But he wouldn’t deny that he was expecting a catch. He just hadn’t really prepared himself for Mark to ask him to keep their relationship secret from everyone, the school, their friends, their family. He has specifically requested for no one to know and it had proven to be hard for Donghyuck, certified gossip queen, to keep his mouth shut to his three childhood best friends.
At first he hadn’t paid much mind to the request. Mark was very popular and boys dating other boys was still extremely taboo in their country, especially in their school. Donghyuck was also aware of Mark’s parents being very conservative, which could lead to some trouble at home and the last thing he wanted was for his boyfriend to be troubled because of him.
So he attended to his boyfriend’s requests without a single complaint.
It was only after about four months that he began realizing how tiring and tedious it was to have to hide it from everyone. When they’d have fights, small and stupid because they were moody teens, he’d always want to spill it all to Renjun. When they’d hang out secretly and do cliché couple things together he’d always want to tell Jaemin and see him coo over how adorable the were. When he wanted some extra time with Mark he’d always want to beg Jeno to cancel their basketball training.
But he never did, because his boyfriend trusted him. He’d never break something as important as Mark’s trust.
Mark liked surprises. Donghyuck had learned this over the time they’d spent together, nearly a year since their first ever kiss. Mark liked surprise birthday parties, he liked surprise gifts or surprise affection. Therefore, Donghyuck could only imagine he’d like the surprise appearance of his boyfriend.
When he entered the gym he immediately noticed the training had just ended as some of the players were sitting on the floor, covered in sweat and dumping water over each others heads.
“Jeno!” Donghyuck called out when he noticed the other boy. “Where’s Mark?” His friend looked at him, unamused, and scoffed.
“Hello to you too.” Jeno said, making Donghyuck roll his eyes. “He’s in the locker rooms with the other boys.” The younger beamed a smile.
“Love ya, Jeno.” The other just batted him off with a careless hand.
Donghyuck had always hated the locker rooms. They were smelly and gross and always packed with mobs of boys. And maybe he had some bad memories of encounters inside the place. But he wanted to pleasantly surprise his boyfriend, the locker room just seemed like a safe place.
He entered silently with a big smile stamped on his face, but froze when he heard the voices of the obnoxious players.
“It’s gross, Mark.” One of them said, making some others cackle. Donghyuck slipped behind a wall of lockers, hiding himself completely.
“He’s disgusting. It makes me sick just seeing him. Why do you even hang out with a faggot like him?” His heart dropped.
“I heard his friends are faggots too.”
“Yeah, number 13 and those other two boys, right? Apparently the three of them are dating.” Another sneered.
“Disgusting. My sister’s in their grade and she was head over heels for that Renjun guy. Good to know he’s a fag and a whore, not going to be letting her near him anytime soon.” Donghyuck felt his knees go weak. Was Mark even there? If so, then why the fuck wasn’t he saying anything?
“Yeah. So gross.” He really wanted to believe that wasn’t Mark’s voice. He really wanted to get out of there and pretend he hadn’t just heard that. But he was frozen in utter shock, glued against the lockers with his breath speeding up at every second passing. Mark was friends with Jeno, Renjun and Jaemin. Friends were supposed to stand up for each other.
“What’s also gross is Lee Donghyuck crushing over you.”
“What’s even grosser is you letting him follow you around.” Donghyuck bit his lip. He was about to walk out of the locker room when Mark spoke again.
“I know, right? It’s disgusting and he’s such a fag, but I have to tutor him or else my parents will get fucking pissed. He’s honestly so dumb, I don’t know where I find the patience.”
Tutor? Mark had to tutor him? Never once had Donghyuck gotten a grade bello seventy-five, never once had the teachers asked him to study more or do better. He was an ace student, maybe even more outstanding than Mark, his grades were already way above average. In no way was he dumb, nor did he need a tutor.
“Man, that sucks.” One of the jocks said in the midst of cackling laughter.
“Why don’t you get a girl?” One of them suggested. Donghyuck clenched his jaw and closed his eyes tight. “Stefanie, the cheerleading captain, is hot as fuck and I heard she has the hots for you. Nice ass to fuck, come on.” He heard them laugh again. Gosh, why the fuck were they laughing so much.
“She really is hot. But you know I have to focus on school, scholarships and stuff.” Donghyuck couldn’t help but feel a little relieved. The feeling was short-lived, though.
“Whatever. Just a one-night stand, come on. Fuck her and let her go.”
“Maybe.” Mark hummed.
“Fuck yeah, flatter her with some food or something and then just take her home.” Mark just laughed again.
Donghyuck decided he couldn’t take it anymore. What he heard was real and it was really happening. At that moment he didn’t feel anything. He didn’t feel angry, sad, hurt. He just felt so empty and he hated it.
So, he stepped out from behind the wall, sandwiches and juice boxes in hand, and made his way to the others. They immediately fell silent when they saw him.
“Hi, Mark.” Donghyuck gave him a smile so fake it physically hurt to plaster on. “Just thought I’d drop off some things for you.” He tossed him the food and tilted his head to the side. “Maybe you can use it to flatter Stefanie. Heard you needed a good fuck.” He felt his smile twitch but didn’t say anything else as he turned on his heels and made his way to the exit.
“Faggot.” One of the jocks muttered.
Donghyuck ignored him. He ignored the tears beginning to roll down his eyes. He also ignored Jeno’s voice when the older called out his name.
He just ran out of the gym wordlessly, left the school without even bidding the security guard a farewell like he always did. He just ran, ran home to his house and slammed his bedroom’s door shut when he finally got there. And he just burst into tears, sobbing into his pillow and gasping for air every now and then.
Everything hurt so much.
Donghyuck didn’t think, just balled his eyes out. The pain would be so much worse if he thought about it. He stayed there, crying for god knows how long, until he eventually fell asleep with his brain pounding inside his head.
It was the annoying sound of his phone ringing that made him snap his eyes open and dig into his backpack’s pockets to shut it up. He missed the call by a second and when he unlocked his phone to check who it was he immediately felt his heart clench. There were dozens of missed calls, some of them from Jeno, others from Jaemin and a few from Renjun. But most of them, the vast majority of them, were from Mark.
Before he could throw his phone against the wall and scream into his pillow, another call appeared, Jaemin’s profile photo shining bright before him. He didn’t even hesitate to accept.
“Nana…” He whispered before feeling tears stream down his face again.
“Hyuck, what happened?” Jaemin sounded so worried and it made him feel bad for troubling his friend like that. “Jeno said you went to visit Mark and just ran out of the gym crying.”
“Donghyuck, please tell us you’re alright. Talk to us, come on.” Renjun’s voice came out from the other line. Donghyuck felt some sort of relieve to know they were together.
“Okay, just… please don’t get mad at me for not telling you sooner.” He practically whispered, voice breaking at the end. He needed to tell them, forget his stupid agreement with Mark. He broke it down to them, told them everything from when they started dating, to Mark’s request, to that very day. He told them about the conversation he’d overheard, but left out the part about them because they simply didn’t deserve it. He was crying the whole time and he knew they could tell from the way his voice broke down every so often.
“What a fucking dick.” Renjun practically growled.
“Stay there, Hyuck. We’re getting Jeno and coming to you.” And then they hung up. Donghyuck let his phone fall to the floor and rolled himself up in his blanket, even though it was pretty hot outside. He smashed his face onto his pillow repeatedly until he grew tired and just lay their limply, as if the pillow would suffocate him along with all the bad feelings.
His door burst open just as he was about to fall asleep again. He didn’t move when his name was called out nor when hands carded through his hair. The bed dipped and he felt someone wrap their arms around his waist and hug him tightly, peppering his scalp with kisses as they did so. Donghyuck instantly knew it was Jaemin, certified cuddle buddy for anyone feeling down.
“Hey. Hyuck. Look at us.” Renjun said. He didn’t oblige and kept his face stuffed in his pillow. “Are you even alive?” He grunted in response.
“That’s it. Come on, Hyuck. Sit up.” Jeno said.
Donghyuck whined as he was forced to sit against the headboard of his bed. He kept his face tucked in between his knees and didn’t look up at the three other boys. Renjun cupped his cheeks with his hands and forced him to look them in the eyes. Nobody even said anything but Donghyuck burst into tears anyway, immediately being wrapped in a mess of a hug.
“Don’t cry, Hyuck. Don’t cry because of a dick like Mark.” Donghyuck only sobbed harder.
Despite what Jeno said they let him cry. Let him sob and spill out words that barely even made any sense. Let him curse at Mark and scolded him when he cursed at himself. It was nice, to be with his closest friends. But it still hurt.
Mark hurt him so bad.
The worst part was that he couldn’t even bring himself to be angry at the boy. He was only angry at himself for letting him trust someone like that.
…
The following day was absolute shit. Donghyuck looked like a zombie and he wasn’t his usual bubbly self. Even his physics teacher asked him to stay back to see if he was alright. His physics teacher hated him. Or maybe it was just Donghyuck that hated him.
He didn’t want to eat and when his friends asked him why he said his soul was already too dark and empty that there was no point in filling his stomach. Renjun rolled his eyes and forced him to down a cookie.
He had left his phone at home which was a big mistake because he was bored out of his mind and it hadn’t occurred to him that he could have simply blocked Mark instead of leaving his whole life source behind. Too late.
When the final bell rang he grabbed his things and left silently without his usual dramatic exit his classmates were so used to. He wanted to go home peacefully and enjoy his silent room to cry in all on his own. But the world hated him so of course that wouldn’t happen. He was just waiting for something to knock him dead. Like a bird. Birds were very fierce creatures. Or maybe a bus.
Donghyuck remained unfazed when a hand wrapped around his wrist and forced him around the school building, towards the back where nobody ever went. He was hoping it’s be another bully that would beat the shit out of him and maybe end his suffering but, as previously stated, the world hated him. Of course it had to be none other than Mark seagull-eyebrows mother fucking Lee.
“What the hell. Let me go. I have stuff to do.” He tried to pull away from the hand on his wrist but ultimately failed and just let his shoulders deflate in defeat.
“Donghyuck, please listen.”
“Oh, don’t worry. I listened. I listened a lot, honey. Now let. Me. Go.” Mark only tightened his grip.
“I said some bullshit yesterday, but please, I didn’t mean it. You know me, I-”
“Oh, please, I thought I knew you. After yesterday I’m pretty convinced I never knew you at all.”
“No, Hyuck. You do, you’ve always known me best. I did something stupid and I was extremely dumb but I didn’t mean it. Please! Please, just listen to me.” Donghyuck stopped struggling against the hand and looked him dead in the eye.
“No. You listen to me.” He stomped his foot on the taller boy’s toe, making him let go of his wrist with a cry. Donghyuck immediately backed away, far from arm’s reach. “Almost one year, Mark Lee. Almost one fucking year since you asked me out. Almost one year since you asked me to keep it a secret.” He rubbed his wrist and tried to pry the threatening tears away. “And you know what I did? I kept it a fucking secret. Because you asked me to. Because I trusted you had a reason to.” He breathed in deeply. “I just hadn’t expected that reason to be because you were too ashamed of me to make our relationship public.”
“Hyuck, I’d never be ashamed of-”
“Oh, but you were! You were ashamed of even being seen with me. Lee Donghyuck, the faggot with faggot friends and faggot toxicity. The dumb boy that needs Mark Lee, the school’s star, to tutor him because he’s just that fucking stupid. The fag that has a crush on the ace basketball player.”
“Donghyuck, please-”
“Truth is, Mark, I was already sick of it. Sick of you wanting to hide what we had just to protect your precious image. Yesterday was just the push I needed.”
“Hyuck, what are you saying?” The older asked carefully.
“We’re over, Mark.” The older boy’s eyes immediately widened and his mouth fell open. Donghyuck silently glared at him.
“Donghyuck, what can I do to fix it? I know I fucked up but I can’t lose you, please. I love you so fucking much and I would take back everything I said yesterday if I could.”
“But you can’t.” Donghyuck closed his eyes tight, keeping the tears in. “If you want to fix it then figure it out on your own. But do me a favor and learn how to treat someone who genuinely likes you right. Also, leave me the fuck alone.”
“Donghyuck-”
He ignored him. Turned around and simply left the boy behind.
He was tired and all he wanted was to get home and down a whole jug of the non alcoholic eggnog his mom bought for him because she knew how much he liked it. If his life went even more wrong, he planned on staying at home chugging the stuff. Good shit.
…
The following days were just like the previous, zombie cosplay, annoying silence in class and weird talks with teachers he had been convinced hated him. About a week and a half passed since the incident and Donghyuck was just starting to cut his crying hours from twelve to eleven and a half. When lunch time finally came around he was still in his hunger strike phase. His excuse this time was that he hoped the starvation would kill him and end his suffering.
“Stop being dramatic and eat your alphabet soup, ya big baby.” Jaemin said.
“Me? Dramatic? I would never.” Donghyuck refused the spoon full of letters with a face. “That is disgusting. How dare you try to educate me with the English lexicon in a big bowl of blood. I am scarred.”
“Eat your fucking soup or I’ll throw away your Red Velvet photo cards.” Donghyuck gasped.
“You would never.”
“Bitch I will if you don’t down your education.”
So, Donghyuck grumpily let himself be fed the boring soup. He barely even ate anything but it seemed to be enough for Jaemin. They were talking about some new TV series when some loud noise made them turn their attention to the middle of the canteen, where none other than seagull boy called out for everyone’s attention, standing on top of the table and banging two metal trays together.
“What the fuck is he doing?” Donghyuck muttered, narrowing his eyes at the star student.
“I would like everyone’s attention, please!” He yelled, silencing all the chatter and catching everyone’d curiosity. “I have something really important to say.”
“If he’s doing what I think he’s doing then I’m going to fucking kill myself.” Renjun mutter beside Donghyuck.
“Shut the fuck up, I’m the only one allowed to die here.” Donghyuck snapped at him.
“Recently I did something really shitty.” Oh no. “Like, really shitty. Like, legit, I fucked up so bad.”
“Oh, he’s really going to do it.” Donghyuck saw Jeno smile from the corner of his eye. This bitch-
“Okay, so, um, yeah. There’s… There’s this person I care about a lot. Scratch that, I love this person a lot. I love them so much and I have loved them for a while now.” Donghyuck froze and kept his gaze on the alphabet soup. “But I hurt them. I said some bad things that hurt them very much and I swear to you I have never regretted something as much as I regret saying those things.”
“Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck.” Donghyuck muttered.
“The thing is, I was scared. I was scared of letting people know I love this person. I was scared of people’s reactions and how they’d see me. Unfortunately, it took me too long to realize how selfish that was.” He could hear the deep breath Mark took even from a distance. “When I tried talking to them a few days ago, they told me to figure out a solution on my own. And maybe this wasn’t the best idea, but fuck it, you know? I’ve been acting like a coward for so long, it’s about time I stepped my game up.”
There was some quiet muttering from all over the canteen and some glances were being thrown around, people trying to figure out who the star athlete was talking about.
“You see, this person is amazing. A lot of people don’t think so, but I know the truth. This person is beautiful and even the people that cuss at them know that this is true. This person is the sweetest angel on earth despite being a brat sometimes. I wouldn’t change a single moment I’ve shared with them.”
Donghyuck blushed hard and covered his face with his hands while trying to disappear at the same time.
“And I don’t want to lose them. That’s why I’d like to say it right here, in front of everyone.” Donghyuck felt Renjun nudge his side. “You are perfect, you are everything I ever dreamed of and so much more, you are the person I needed in my life and I want you to continue being mine. I know almost one year is a lot of time and I should have noticed how uncomfortable you were about keeping it a secret in the first few moments, but I was a dick. I can’t even begin to explain how regretful I am for hurting you. Even if you don’t accept me back, I needed to get this off my chest and let you know.” Mark took another audibly deep breath and the entire room seemed to freeze, even the lunch ladies and the old janitor. “Fuck whatever everyone else is going to say, I love you Lee Donghyuck and I want to continue being your boyfriend.”
There was a deafening silence. Even a pin drop could be heard in the quiet room. For a few seconds nobody said anything. Donghyuck could feel the heavy gazes on him but he kept his face stuffed in his hands and tucked away from the rest of the world. He contemplated getting up and running out but his rationality told him otherwise.
“What do you say, Donghyuck?” It wasn’t Mark that said it. Donghyuck peeked up through his fingers and noticed it was one of the basketball players, one that’d been sitting with Jeno the day he’d gone to the gym. He seemed nice, but Donghyuck hadn’t ever talked to him. “Do you accept this dickhead’s request?”
Donghyuck blushed impossibly harder. He forced himself up and, with his head still tucked down, made his way to the boy on top of the table. Said boy immediately stepped down and looked at him with wide, pleading eyes, seagull brows shot up. The entire canteen took in a collective breath as the two looked at each other.
“Yes, you fucker.” And they cheered. Donghyuck saw the basketball team’s table roar in cheers and happy cries for his friend. He could hear Jaemin screaming in the back and Jeno trying to calm him down. He saw the lunch lady drop a plate and swear. “Now kiss me, idiot.”
And he did. He kissed him like they’d never kissed before. The cheering seemed to double when they did so and Donghyuck felt his heart heart burst with emotion as his lips moved against Mark’s. When they separated the cheering had died down a bit. They both giggled before Donghyuck stuffed his face in the older boy’s chest out of embarrassment.
“Geez, way to make a show.”
“I know you love the attention.” Mark whispered, placing a soft peck on the top of his head.
“Disgusting! Fags, that’s what you are! You gross fucks!” A girl’s voice screamed, silencing the canteen yet again. Donghyuck’s heart raced and he prayed for something to just make her disappear.
“Shut the fuck up, Susan. Everybody knows you’re fucking Stefanie.” Renjun yelled, making the students burst into laughter.
…
“I love you so much.” Mark said for the nth time that day.
“Love you too, babe.” Donghyuck mumbled against his chest. They were laying on the younger boy’s bed, exhausted after the eventful day. Donghyuck had forgotten how much he loved cuddling the older.
“I’m so sorry, Hyuck.”
“Stop.” Donghyuck groaned. “If you apologize again I think I’ll literally explode.”
“Seriously.” Mark hooked a finger under his chin and made him look up. “I’m sorry for what I did. I’ll never do something like that again, I promise.”
“The fuck, of course you won’t. I don’t think I can go through another hunger strike again. That shit hurt and letters are actually pretty tasty.” Donghyuck muttered with his eyes still closed.
“Donghyuck.” He hummed and opened his eyes, only to see the older looking at him worriedly. “What the fuck.”
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