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Phil was more than anxious.
He looked at himself in the mirror and tried to adjust his hair again. He still thought he looked ridiculous.
“Philip, you better finish there dear, Martyn won't wait forever.”
He heard his mother open the door.
“I'm ugly” he complained, while she approached.
“Oh, don’t be silly” Kathryn ran her fingers on Phil's shoulders, adjusting his shirt. “You're gorgeous, and I'm sure Danny thinks the same.”
Phil blushed, thinking about Dan.
They met last year when Dan moved from Reading to Manchester, and to his school. And to his class.
They sat together once and bonded over bands and movies, and it didn't took much for them to become friends.
It didn't took much for Phil to fall in love.
It was stupid. So stupid. But Phil couldn't stop looking at Dan. When he smiled, when he adjusted his fringe and bit his lip, before bragging about how awesome he was at Mario Kart.
Phil didn't had much of a sexuality crisis. He knew he was bi. - Phil didn't had.
Dan was other story. The reason why it took so long for them to have this date.
Oh, yeah, they were going to have a date. Exciting, right?
It was valentines day, and it was the best opportunity ever.
They were eating pizza at Phil’s, pseudo-watching some movie on his tiny bedroom TV, while Dan complained about how valentine’s day was a stupid thing.
Phil agreed, of course, even though deep inside he wouldn’t care if it was an excuse to buy Dan some chocolates, which he did - ironically - but he didn’t want to interrupt Dan.
“Like, I hate the fact that it’s a commercial thing made only for couples to rub on my face that I’m single and I have no date.” the southern boy complained while munching a especially cheesy bit that made Phil shiver.
“Weren’t you going out with Jojo?” The older boy asked, swallowing a whole pepperoni.
A month ago, Dan showed him his best girl’s list. It was the most straightest and teenager thing Phil had ever seen in his life, and there were three names.
- Evelyn Erickson, Arithmetic D
- Janet Darell, Science A
- Jojo Porter, English A
It made Phil burn of jealousy inside, but since Dan didn’t knew about his feelings, he tried to play it cool.
Till that day, of course.
“No. She rejected me too. Not that I thought that any of them wanted to go out with such a nerd like me.” Dan replied, sadly, but not too much. His eyes were fixed to the TV.
“Then why did you ask them out?”
There was silence there. A thick silence Phil could cut with his pair of yellow scissors. He looked at Dan, and Dan was looking back at him.
“Do you ever… Ever wondered about… If you really like girls?”
Phil’s mouth went dry, and he could not reply something that were more than a negative nodd. He didn’t. He always liked girls. And boys apparently. Both of them made his insides feel like jelly. Especially that one boy, looking at him with sweet brown eyes.
“I asked them out… Cause… I needed to be sure… If I like girls.” Dan confessed. His hands were shaking.
Phil wanted to hug him.
“Is that okay for you?” Dan asked again, his hands were still shaking. “That I might be… That I…”
Phil just nodded again. An ‘okay’. There was a lump in his throat. He wanted to speak. To say. It were his hands shaking now.
He needed to say something. That. Before it was too late.
Go on Phil. Support your friend. Confess.
Confess? No! What if he rejects you?
Support him! Confess! Support him! Confess! S...
- “Do you wanna go on a date with me?’
And here he was. After his impulsive spill, Phil had to quickly come up with reasons, while his hands were shaking and he couldn’t swallow his own spit.
It was a good thing he was so used to ‘worst case scenarios’.
- A. You can test your theory about sexuality. I mean, I’m a boy. They were girls. If you… If you really like boys then… You will know. Right? And I’m your friend. You can trust me. I won’t go around telling people about it.
- B. And… At least you will have a date on valentines.
Phil still didn’t know how Dan accepted that. But he did. They marked a day and place, finished the pizza and the cokes, and Dan went home.
It had happened last week, and since then Phil was a mess. A messier mess than normal.
He couldn’t stop thinking about how everything could go terribly wrong in that date. How he could be late, how his breath could be disgusting and the food of the diner could be bad, and how the food could be late and his stomach would rumble loudly and everybody would hear and Dan would be embarrassed… And, If things went good, what if Phil were a bad kisser? Oh my god, he still couldn’t forget Amy’s incident with goddamn tonsil tennis and...
- “Philip Michael Lester, calm down, or I won’t allow you to go!”
It was his mum again. Of course. She was always there to calm him down when he felt about to explode.
He trusted her with his heart, so he had no problem telling her about her crush on his best friend, and how they were going out together and he didn’t know what to do.
“It’s going to be fine” she said. “I promise you. You two are going to have fun and you are going to come back home before dinner time, ok? Now, go there and tell that boy what you feel.”
She kissed his cheeks and pushed him slightly, for him to get out of the house already.
The drive to the diner was short and uncomfortable. His older brother kept patting his shoulder and saying ‘it’s gonna be fine’, and Phil wanted to explode.
He still had some escape routes memorized in his head.
- Say that mum fell down the stairs and needs to go to hospital. Pick up your cellphone for it to be realistic.
- Say you have diarrhea and go to the bathroom. Hide there for 2 hours or something.
- Pretend to faint. For real.
All of that vanished, though, when he saw Dan, waiting there, bouncing on his feet with a soft smile on his face.
Phil was so so in love...
He said goodbye to Martyn and jumped out of the car, walking on Dan’s direction. He held his hand and walked inside the restaurant.
- “Table for two, please.”
The waitress smiled to the two young boys and settled them in a table next to the jukebox. That was a nice retro inspired place, and also one with a gay owner, the boyfriend of Phil’s mum’s hairdresser so they could display such affection in peace.
They were just holding hands, something they did quite a lot with Phil’s poor sense of direction, but it was different now. Sweaty palms clasped together, cause they were too afraid of letting go and never having the courage to do it again.
They held the menus with their free hands, and both agreed that a big fry was better than two small ones. The waitress wrote the orders and left.
They didn’t talk much at first and just looked at each other. Phil wanted to be romantic, to say something nice, interesting, something. But he could only look at Dan, that was so cute that night, dressing a red plaid shirt…
Wait a minute.
“This one is mine!” Phil laughed, punching him softly with his right hand. The one that was not glued to Dan’s.
“If you forget it at my house it becomes mine. We talked about this before.”
“Yes. You stole my bloody Sonic boxers!” Phil punched him again.
“Shut up, rat!” Dan laughed, pushing him away.
The ice was broken there. It was all like it was before, then. They were friends. Best friends. And they would ever be.
They were friends while arguing about which burger was the best. They were friends, when they fought each other with their potato fries, and when they dipped those in the milkshake, accepting that it was, indeed, the best way to eat them.
But their hands were still glued together during that whole time. And they shared the milk shake, gazing each other like they would do to a beautiful starry night.
“I guess I like boys” Dan confessed, when they were already outside, waiting for his mother. “And girls. But… I like boys too.”
“Yeah. Same. They call it bissexual, you know. But, who cares?”
Phil cared. Phil’s heart, that was jumping out his chest.
“It was a nice date” Dan said. And yes, it was. A not weird date, where people plan escape routes and what to say and what to do. They were friends.
Maybe that was why it had been so good.
“Yeah. I… I really hope I helped you.”
“You did.”
And Dan smiled at Phil, in that way that always made his heart skip a beat.
He should confess right now, shouldn’t he? They were alone, they were together. Dan liked boys. Phil liked that one boy.
It was the perfect time.
So, he opened his mouth and prepared himself…
And of course, Dan’s mom arrived.
Dan hugged him, quickly, but tightly, said ‘thank you’ again, and ran to get the car. And Phil was left there, feeling ridiculous for not being able to confess. They spent the whole night together! How could he be so dumb?
But the white car of Dan’s mum stopped, a few meters ahead. And then a tall teenager ran. Ran and ran in his direction and jumped in arms.
“Dan? What?” Phil asked, his hands still not leaving the younger’s back.
“I told my mum I forgot my coat.”
“You didn’t,” Phil said. Dan had no coat on that day.
“No. I forgot something else.”
Dan’s lips were against Phil’s. And it was… Good. It was perfect. It was a warm touch, two pairs of lips that still tasted like strawberry milk shake meeting for the first time. That was a kiss that would leave Phil touching his lips again and again cause it was too good to be real. It all was.
“I…” Phil still dared to start, but Dan stopped him with another quick kiss.
“I know. I know it all. I like you too.” he said, simple like that. Wrapped his arms around Phil’s hips for a second, and then ran again.
Phil smiled, looking down. He had stolen his coat.