Chapter Text
“Marvin, it should not be a chore to pick up your own son from baseball practise.” Trina’s voice was, as was usual when speaking to him, sharp and annoyed. (A personal improvement for Trina, from when it used to be tired and resigned, but a great inconvenience for Marvin).
“Can’t he just spend the night with me, then?” Marvin truly wanted to spend more time with Jason, but he was not in favour of picking him up from coaching for a sport Marvin detested in order to drive him over to his ex-wife’s house (which was, strictly speaking, his house).
“No. Just do it.” Trina hung up the phone and Marvin sighed. It was his day off and he’d been lounging about at home all day, and the prospect of having to put respectable clothing on and go outside was just downright annoying. Especially if it was to see a bunch of pre-pubescent little league baseball players who were all sweaty and muddy ( how they got so dirty, Marvin would never know. They were all so bad at the game because they barely moved around), screaming with their shrill voices as they bounced around. (Except Jason, of course. Jason was generally more composed and mature, and Marvin was so proud of him).
The worst part of going to pick up Jason from baseball, however, was the new temporary baseball coach who’d been instated after the old coach had gotten one too many baseballs to the head, and had been forced to take a leave of absence. He had been nice and civil and had never spoken more than a few words to Marvin, and Marvin had liked him. The new coach was, to put it bluntly, a fucking dick.
The first time Marvin had met him hadn’t even been on the baseball court (was that what it was called? Marvin couldn’t be bothered to care), but rather inside Jason’s school when he’d gone to pick his son up to take him home for the weekend. They’d literally run right into each other in the corridor. Marvin’s first impression of the man was that he was extremely attractive, and his second impression was that it didn’t matter how good-looking (or downright pretty ) he was, he was clearly an asshole. It was the beginning of a beautiful animosity between the two as they fought over whose fault it was and who hadn’t been paying attention to where he was walking, before Jason finally turned up and loudly asked why his father was yelling at his new baseball coach. Marvin, who’d thought that the man wearing ridiculously tight designer clothes and who had far too much product in his hair couldn’t possibly be a teacher (even though he didn’t look at all like a parent), was so surprised that Jason was able to drag him away before he could do any further damage. (Why was he even in designer clothing anyway? Shouldn’t he have been wearing some sort of sporting uniform? Preferably involving shorts?)
They’d met dozens of times since then, and each meeting was as unpleasant as the first. On Marvin’s part, he conceded that perhaps his loud and unabashed disdain for baseball was not helping things, but neither were Whizzer’s sneers or his obvious “I’m-only-being-civil-to-you-because-it’s-part-of-my-job” tone.
Unfortunately for Marvin, Jason really, really liked Whizzer Brown. He adored the man. Marvin couldn’t for the life of him see why. He was obnoxious, snooty, self-centered and nothing more than a useless pretty boy who happened to be good at a useless sport. But Jason never stopped talking about him. As it turned out, the day Marvin had met the man (“met” being a broad term here) had been Whizzer’s first day. Jason hadn’t stopped talking about him since. Whenever Marvin asked about school or Jason’s classes or extracurriculars, Whizzer was always brought up, leaving Marvin to seethe as his son’s eyes lit up in a way that they never did when talking to him.
Marvin grumbled to himself about Whizzer the entire drive, finally arriving at Jason’s school. He parked the car and then walked to the baseball… ground?? Field??
When he got there, he found Jason deep in conversation with Whizzer, talking to him excitedly. Marvin felt a pang of jealousy. He walked up to them. “Hey Jason! I’m picking you up today, your mom and Mendel are busy.”
“But I was just talking to Whizzer!”
“I’m sure Mr. Brown has to go home too, Jason. I don’t think he can talk to you all night,” said Marvin. Jason’s face fell, and Marvin immediately regretted his words. It was a good thing that Jason had found any kind of friend, he really shouldn’t be s o harsh-
“Don’t listen to your dad, Jason, I’d love to talk to you all night, you’re fun to talk to! But you should probably go home and eat something, ok?” Whizzer cut in. Jason smiled again and Marvin bristled.
“Okay. Thanks Whizzer! See you tomorrow!”
“See you tomorrow, Jason!” Whizzer grinned and put his hand up for a high-five, and then ruffled Jason’s hair before he left without so much as a glance in Marvin’s direction. If Marvin glared at his retreating back, it was simply because of how furious he was at Whizzer’s sheer arrogance, and not because Whizzer was wearing something only a little longer than booty shorts.
If Marvin wanted to put Whizzer out of his mind and focus on making conversation with his son during the short car ride, he was out of luck. Once again all Jason wanted to talk about was Whizzer. How good Whizzer was at baseball. How funny he was. How he helped Jason actually hit a ball today-
“Hold on, you hit the ball? That’s amazing, kiddo, I’m so proud of you! You want to get some ice cream to celebrate?”
“I’m okay, Whizzer says if I can do it again he’ll buy me ice cream!” Great. The fucker had officially ruined all father-son bonding time that Marvin so desperately clung to with Jason. He let Jason prattle on, making a conscious effort to seem interested and to not let his intense dislike of Whizzer show, because Jason had so few people to talk to in school as it was and Marvin was genuinely happy that Whizzer didn’t seem to think that Jason was weird or hard to handle, unlike a few of his other teachers.
He dropped Jason off at Trina’s house and headed home, still fuming about Whizzer the entire evening. Finally, halfway through some brainless romcom that Marvin hadn’t been really watching anyway, he stood up abruptly, having had enough. Whizzer Brown was a jerk, and he was only a temporary coach. Soon the old one would be back, and then Whizzer would be out of Marvin’s life forever. With that happy thought in mind, Marvin went to bed.
***
Marvin was surrounded by free samples of cake, and was quite frankly having the time of his life.
Charlotte and Cordelia, his next door neighbours and best friends, were engaged and getting married in a little under a month (they’d been planning this for nearly six), and today they were out finalising some of the details, such as the cake flavour. Marvin had managed to convince them to try a few more samples last-minute, and he was sure they saw right through his ruse to get free cake, but they’d let him. He’d already tasted dozens of samples, but Marvin was far from full. If he was honest, he didn’t really know why they’d invited him along. The couple were already satisfied with all their decisions, so there wasn’t even much to do, and it wasn’t as if they’d let Marvin take decisions for them anyway.
“You realise there is a point to this, and we’re not just here so you can stuff your face with cake?” asked Charlotte dryly, raising her eyebrow as Marvin picked up another sample. She snatched it away from him and he sighed resignedly. (He’d long ago given up trying to out-glare Charlotte).
“You’re not eating another piece until you give us an actual opinion, and not just a vague thumbs-up.”
Well, there was only so much they could indulge him, after all.
“I like the dark chocolate,” he said. There were about ten different flavours involving dark chocolate, but all Marvin knew was that the one Charlotte and Cordelia had chosen was definitely one of them. Charlotte rolled her eyes.
“Right, so no changes,” she said, turning back to her fiancée.
An hour later, they were all back in Charlotte and Cordelia’s apartment, several large folders, binders, and post-it notes scattered across the dining table where the couple was seated. Marvin was sitting on the couch and, like he did during most of his friends’ wedding planning, was trying not to think about his own disastrous one over a dozen years ago.
It had been an utter fucking mess, a sad standard for the ten years that were to follow, ten years of him acting like a self-centered maniac while Trina stood stoically in a corner and tried to act like she wasn’t perpetually having a nervous breakdown. And Jason… well. Marvin was slowly rebuilding his relationship with his son over the past two years since the divorce, but they still weren’t very close. He knew he hadn’t been the best father in the past, but he truly loved his son. He wanted his family to be happy. Trina certainly deserved better, and while Marvin wasn’t exactly thrilled that she’d married his old psychiatrist, at least she finally seemed to have some peace of mind.
Which left him wondering when he would find someone. He’d dated a few men here and there since then, none of his relationships lasting more than a month. Somehow it had all seemed much easier (and much more fun) when all he was doing was finding quick hookups in the bathrooms of gay bars. But a proper, loving, fulfilling, committed relationship ? Like Trina and Mendel, or Charlotte and Cordelia? Marvin didn’t think he would ever truly find one, and was just about resigning himself to that fact. Did he even want one in the first place? Did-
“Hey Marv, you won’t be bringing a plus one, will you?” Cordelia’s bright voice cut through his thoughts.
Marvin turned to look at her. “What?”
“A date. For the wedding. You’ve practically been single ever since the divorce, so you won’t be bringing someone, right?”
Marvin suddenly felt extremely indignant. It wasn’t like he hadn’t dated at all since his divorce. Sure, half of them had been gone before they’d even gotten a chance to meet Jason (which was much better for all parties involved), but still. He could have a date. He decided to voice that thought.
“Hey, I could have a date!”
Cordelia raised an eyebrow at him. (The lesbians did this a lot. Marvin sometimes suspected they were keeping score of how many times each of them raised their eyebrow or rolled their eyes at him. He’d tried to once but he very quickly lost count). “Really? You’re dating someone?”
Marvin felt his indignation rise. It wasn’t like he was incapable of finding love. He could be dating someone if he w anted to, but he frankly just didn’t see the point of it.
“I could be!”
“Yeah, hon, but you aren’t,” said Charlotte, not looking up from the files and folders on the table.
“I- yes I am!” Wait, what? No, he wasn’t. He should stop talking. What was he doing?
Charlotte and Cordelia’s heads both snapped up to look at him, surprise on both their faces, and that just fueled him to run his mouth off even more.
“Well it’s- it’s someone from Jason’s school and we didn’t say anything because we didn’t want to embarrass him!” Oh no. No. There was only one man at Jason’s school who was gay and everyone knew it- the man certainly made no attempt to hide it at all, and he really ought to shut up before they expected him to bring-
Cordelia’s face broke into a wide grin. “Marv! Honey! I’m so proud of you! I can’t believe you’re dating Whizzer Brown!” Charlotte was smiling too, although she looked a little more skeptical.
Oh god, they weren’t actually buying this?
“When did you guys start dating?” asked Charlotte. And that was the exact kind of perfectly reasonable question he couldn’t believe she was actually daring to ask him right now.
“I-“
“That doesn’t matter!” cut in Cordelia. Marvin could have kissed her, feeling such a sudden surge of affection for his lesbian neighbour that he would have married her himself right then. “Oh, honey Jason loves him, you two shouldn’t be worried at all! I’m sure he’ll be thrilled! Bring Whizzer to the wedding! We’ll be too busy to properly meet him in the meantime anyway, you can tell us everything then!” she said excitedly.
“We’ll rework the seating arrangement, then,” Charlotte said. She smiled at him. “I’m happy for you, Marvin. I hope this works out.” And she sounded so sincere about it that it actually made him feel guilty. “And don’t worry, we won’t say anything to Jason until you’ve told him.”
Marvin grinned, while mentally kicking himself. “Thanks! See you at the at the wedding!” He got up and left with a cheery wave, but the moment he went back to his apartment he groaned and flopped down on his couch. God, he was an idiot. Why did he have to let his stupid pride get in the way of everything? He slapped a palm to his face and rubbed his hand down his cheeks and sighed. After wallowing in self-pity and irritation for a while, it came crashing down on him like an anvil and he was Wile E. Coyote that he’d have to tell Whizzer. He would have to go up to him- and the only time they met was after Jason’s baseball coaching- and actually e xplain this situation, and then Whizzer would laugh in his face and probably get a restraining order. Hell, Marvin would probably draw it up himself, or get one of the interns at his law firm to do it.
Fuck.
Well, the night was still young. Maybe Marvin could go out and drink himself to death and get out of this whole situation.
Grabbing his keys and wallet, Marvin left the house and walked to the gay bar a few blocks from his house. It was conveniently close enough to his house for whenever he wanted a hookup, or for a night like this when he just needed to get out-of-his-mind drunk. Of course, Marvin was pretty sure he’d already lost his mind.
He entered the bar and ordered a Long Island Iced Tea. He sat nursing his drink and started to vaguely survey his surroundings, when suddenly his stomach dropped.
There, in a corner, with his unmistakeably fluffy hair and expensive, tight clothing, sat none other than Whizzer Brown. Marvin put his head in his hands and squeezed his eyes shut. He wanted to scream. The universe was conspiring against him. He was going to die in a whirl of extreme embarrassment and hairspray.
Whizzer seemed to be alone (thank god for small victories), so Marvin forced himself to get up, clutching his drink tightly in his hand as he walked over.
“Hey,” he said as he sat down next to Whizzer.
Whizzer looked up at him, seeming surprised to see him. “Marvin? What the fuck are you doing here?”
“What, I can’t go out and have a drink?” This was already looking like the big mistake Marvin had known it was going to be.
“Yeah, no, I’m just not sure if this is the right place for you to get a drink,” Whizzer said slyly.
“What the fuck is that supposed to mean?”
“Marv, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but this is a gay bar.”
Marvin let a smile creep onto his face. “I know, Whizzer,” he said, speaking slowly and deliberately as if to a child. “You see, I’m gay.” Marvin felt extremely proud as Whizzer’s smug look slowly vanished.
“See what happens when you assume things?” asked Marvin, affecting an extremely smug tone himself.
Whizzer’s look of sincere shock was gone immediately, and he straightened his back. “Alright, you’re gay. Congrats, Marv. Now, what do you want?”
Suddenly Marvin was reminded that he was, in fact, an utter idiot, and that he might as well throw his drink into his own face now and spare Whizzer the trouble of wasting his in a few moments. In any case, throwing a drink at himself unprompted would probably be less bizarre and absurd than the words he was about to utter.
“Well, the thing is,” he started off, wishing more and more by the second that he’d never been born. “I, uh, I need a sort of favour…”
Fumbling, he explained the entire situation, not daring to look at Whizzer’s face.
“So the wedding is in a month, but we’ll be leaving a week earlier to sort of help out with the preparations, and I’ll pay for everything and I’ll even pay you extra for your time,” he finished lamely. Marvin finally made eye contact with Whizzer, his face growing hot at the incredulous look Whizzer was giving him. Neither of them spoke, and Marvin wished he could spontaneously combust. After the most tense and awkward two minutes of his entire life, he decided he couldn’t take it anymore.
“Ok so I’ve clearly gone insane, forget this ever happened, I’m so sorry to have bothered you I’ll just-“ Marvin stood up, intending to leave, when to his surprise Whizzer reached out and pulled him back down.
“So,” said Whizzer slowly. “You want me to pretend to be your date at a lesbian wedding in Greece, despite the fact that we barely know each other and the few interactions we’ve had aren’t exactly what you’d call ‘hitting it off’, and you’re asking me this at-“ he checked his watch “- 11:27pm on a weeknight at a gay bar where you came to- I don’t even know, but you get my point here, I presume?”
Marvin was seriously considering running away to fake his own death, assume a stolen identity, and move to Iceland to live as an isolated sheep herder. He could send Jason nice woollen sweaters for Christmas (anonymously, of course).
“I, um. Yes.”
“And you’ll pay for absolutely everything, including the food and clothes?”
“Well the hotel and flight tickets are already paid for by my friends and- clothes?”
“If I’m going to be attending a wedding I’ll need to wear something nice , Marvin. Just because you clearly have no sense of what you wear doesn’t mean we all want to go around looking like a clown from the 1920s.”
“Wait, you’re saying yes?” Marvin didn’t know what was happening. He looked down. His glass was still mostly full, so he couldn’t be that drunk… unless he was drugged. Or dreaming. Or possibly dreaming in a drug-addled state. Why didn’t he just stay home and mope like he usually did?
“Temporary baseball coaches don’t make the big bucks, honey,” said Whizzer, sipping his drink. “I’m not going to turn down a free vacation.” He grinned.
Marvin gaped at him. For probably too long, but Whizzer just sat there and waited, savouring his drink in the meantime. Finally, Marvin regained enough of his braincells to process what had just happened.
“I- uh, um. Great, I guess? I’ll text you the details tomorrow.”
“Can’t wait, sweetie, ” smirked Whizzer, turning away from him, scribbling his number on a piece of paper and shoving it into Marvin’s hand before turning away. Marvin understood the sign of clear dismissal and stumbled outside, called a cab and went home, where he poured himself another glass of scotch and sat on his couch staring dumbly at Whizzer’s number for an entire hour before finally going to bed.
Well. Either he or Whizzer was going to end up murdering the other in cold blood by the end of the trip, so at least he had that to look forward to.
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