Archive of Our Own ^beta

I knew my life was over when Lance asked me about love.

I loved him. God, I loved him more than anything in the world. I thought he knew that. I thought everyone knew it.

I was wrong.

I was so wrong for assuming anything about him.

“Keith!” He’d called out one day, and my heart fluttered. He had sounded genuinely excited about something. I was so stupid. I thought this was going to be a good conversation. No arguments, no teasing, no snide comments or screaming.

“Yeah, Lance?” I remember turning. I loved him. I loved the his dorky haircut, his impish grin, the soft salty smell of his jacket. I loved him so much.

Lance seemed to fiddle with his hands for a minute. It was a nervous habit of his that I had picked up on. He hesitated, as if choosing his words carefully. “I need your advice. You’re the only person I trust with this, because I’m in love.”

Looking back on it, I doubt that was how he worded it. The details are fuzzy. I remember feeling hot, and my eyes widened. I lost all ability to think straight, and I could only stare into his eyes to see if he was trying to trick me.

“Love?” I finally stammered out. Then I continued, “ You went to me for this?” I’m such an idiot. He’s an idiot. I loved him.

“Well, yeah! I mean, it’s kind of directly involved with you,” he said, taking a nervous step towards me.

I loved him, I loved him, and I loved him.

“Lance…” I stepped towards him as well. I could feel his breath on my face, we were so close. “I lo-”

“-I’m going to ask Allura on a date tonight.”

I loved him.

And he loved her.

My mouth fell agape, and my throat suddenly welled up with sob trying to force itself up. “Oh, Allura. Yeah.” I love you. “A date?” I love you!

“She’s been through so much lately, and I think I really love her. Not just a silly crush anymore, but I seriously love her. I think dinner will work.”

“Yeah,” I said, blinking back tears. “I’m sure she would love that.”

Lance had the audacity to look surprised. Oblivious idiot. “You really think so? Thank you, Keith. I know I act like I hate you, but I don’t. You’re a good guy.”

A good guy.

“I’m just glad I could help.” And then he smiled. It was worth it.

I think he hugged me, but I can’t remember. He ran off, and I was alone.

I hate him. But I loved him more.

I can’t help it.
And I still love him.