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Everything’s dark, though Alex can tell that’s just because her eyes are closed. But try as she might, she can’t force them to open. Her head is swimming, she hears voices, a distant beeping sound, but she can’t quite tell what’s going on. She can tell one of the voices is her sister though, that there’s a warm hand clutching hers, and that’s enough for Alex not to panic, she knows whatever is happening, it’s okay, because Kara is here.
Everything goes fuzzy and the voices fade and she completely blacks out again.
---
She’s not sure how long it’s been when she hears the voices again. It’s the same ones, the same warm hand in hers, so Alex’s guesses it can’t be too long.
This time when she tries, light blurs her vision as she manages to open her eyes. The light hurts her head and she quickly shuts them again with a groan, but it’s a start.
“Alex?”
“Hmm…?” She focuses on her name, on Kara’s voice, on the pressure in her hand and blinks her eyes open again to find Supergirl standing beside her.
Supergirl’s here, that means they’re at the DEO. The white room around them confirms it. Okay, she’s in the med bay, she must have been injured on the job.
“Kara?” Kara steps closer and Alex can see there are tears in her eyes. “What happened?”
“There was an explosion, you hit your head.” That explains why her head is pounding. Kara sniffs. “I thought…” She trails off. “I’m glad you’re awake.”
“How’s your head?”
Alex blinks to her left, she’d forgotten there’d been someone else in the room, belatedly realising it was this woman holding her hand, not Kara.
Why is a stranger holding her hand?
“Uhhh…”She looks at the woman then back to Kara. “It hurts, but it’s not too bad.”
“I’ll go get the doctor,” Kara says. “She told me to let her know when you woke up.”
‘Wait. Umm…” She looks back to the woman next to her, her head hurts too much to try and figure out what’s going on. “Sorry, but who are you?”
Kara stops halfway across the room as she feels the woman go still beside her, the hand holding hers tightening around her own.
Kara shoots a concerned look at the woman beside her, clearly they know each other. “You don’t remember Maggie?” Kara asks softly.
Alex shakes her head, the movement not helping her headache.
“But you remember me?”
“You’re…” Alex hesitates. How much does this woman know? “You’re Supergirl.”
“Maggie knows I’m your sister.”
Alex glances over at Maggie, their hands still joined. How close is this woman to them that she knows who Kara is?
Unless she…a head injury, memory loss is common with a head injury. She’s almost too afraid to find out if it’s true. Kara asks the question for her.
“What’s the last thing you remember?”
Alex tries to think. She doesn’t remember hitting her head or any explosion, but what about before that? She thinks back, tries to find something that’d mean something to Kara too.
“Last week Barry Allen showed up from another universe and helped you fight Livewire and Silver Banshee.”
Kara’s eyes widen, that’s not what she wants to see. “That was almost two years ago.”
Finally, the panic that probably should’ve set in when she first woke up hits her. Two years? She’s lost two whole years of her life?
“I’m going to go find the doctor.” Kara presses a quick kiss to Alex’s head. “Don’t worry, we’ll figure this out.”
The hand slips from hers as Kara leaves and Alex turns to see Maggie looking unsure. “I can go too, if you want?”
She doesn’t want that, in fact, she already misses the hand that had been in hers since she’d woken up. Alex shakes her head. “Stay.” Alex swallows. “So, I take it we know each other?”
Maggie smiles, but Alex can see it’s tinged with sadness. Something swirls in her stomach. She doesn’t like the thought of this stranger looking sad, she wants to make her happy.
“We do, we met when the president was attacked and you tried to take over my crime scene?”
“Your crime scene?”
Maggie laughs. “We had the same argument then, you burst in, your secret service guns blazing and basically told me to get out of your crime scene.”
Alex smiles too, something warm filling her at the sound of this woman laughing. “That sounds like me.”
“But after that, we started working together. You and I make a pretty good team.”
Alex looks her over, she’s wearing a t-shirt and jeans, a leather jacket hung over the back of her chair. She suits it, Alex thinks, she looks good. It’s the exact sort of thing Alex might wear too. “Are you a cop?”
“Detective.” She holds out her hand. “Detective Maggie Sawyer, it’s nice to meet you. Again.”
Alex shakes the offered hand, mirroring Maggie’s smile. “Again.”
There’s something just so easy about talking to this woman, Alex isn’t surprised that they seem like good friends.
And working together, that explains how Kara knows her too, she must work with the DEO sometimes.
“Agent Danvers, I’m glad to see you’re awake.” Alex turns from Maggie to find another woman that she doesn’t recognise walk into the room. But it’s clear she’s the doctor Kara went to find. “I hear you’re experiencing some memory loss.”
The doctor checks her chart and asks her a few questions while Maggie and Kara watch on patiently. By the time she’s done, she comes to the same conclusion that Alex had when she’d realised she was missing time.
They’re just going to have to wait and see what happens. There’s nothing much they can do, all Alex has to do is rest and they’ll keep an eye on her but other than that, only time will tell if she’ll gain her memory back or not.
“I should get to work,” Maggie says, standing once the doctor has left. “Let you get some rest.”
Alex wants to protest, wants to tell her to stay, wants to ask her more about the friendship they clearly have, (she doesn’t have many friends, and she doesn’t know this woman very well, but she doesn’t want to lose her to this) but she doesn’t, mostly because she wants to be alone with Kara, wants to ask her about everything she’s forgotten over the past two years.
“I’ll stop by after work, if that’s okay with you?” Maggie asks and Alex can tell she expects her to say no, she expects her to say no and she’ll respect her decision.
Alex nods. “Yeah, okay.”
Maggie stands there for a moment, like she’s unsure what to do before she just gives Alex a small smile, the same sadness in her eyes. “See you around, Danvers.”
The words pulls at a memory but Alex can’t quite place it as she watches Maggie walk out the door.
“How are you feeling?” Kara asks as she takes Maggie’s vacated seat by the bed.
“I’m f-“
Kara cuts her off with a look. “How are you really feeling?”
Alex smiles with a huff of breath. “My head hurts and I’m tired. And I just…I feel lost, like this is my life but it isn’t. I feel like I’m missing so much, like I’m missing something important, but I have no idea where to start figuring anything out.”
“You don’t need to figure anything out now,” Kara says, taking her hand. It feels different to when Maggie had been holding it. “Right now you need to rest and we’ll just wait and see what happens. Sleep, I’ll be here if you need me.”
Alex shakes her head. “First, can you tell me what I’ve missed. How’s Mom? How are Winn and James? How are you and James?”
Kara squeezes her hand. “Mom is good, she’s on her way here to see you, she’ll be here in a few hours. Winn actually works here now. He’s busy working but I’m sure he’ll be in to see you soon. James is good, he’s acting CEO at CatCo now. He has been for a while though…so not sure what’s happening there. And James and I, we tried but it didn’t work out.” Kara blushes. “I am seeing someone now though.” She grins. “Her name’s Lena and she’s amazing, I’m sure she’ll come and visit too, you and her are quite good friends.”
Wow, that’s a lot of information all at once.
“I’ll tell you more later, okay? Right now you should rest.”
Alex nods, she is rather tired and her headache is getting worse.
Kara gives their joined hands a squeeze. “I’m so glad you’re okay.”
“I’m not completely okay,” Alex says, the words slipping out at her frustration at the whole situation.
“Yes you are,” Kara insists. “You’re here and you’re okay. Whether you get your memories back, or not, you’re here and that’s all that matters. You have a family who loves you and who’s going to stick with you, no matter what happens. Okay?”
Alex smiles. “Okay.”
“Get some sleep, we’ll talk more later.”
---
The next couple of days are entirely interesting but also incredibly boring.
She’s on bedrest, which means she sneaks out and wanders around the DEO until she gets caught and ordered back to her room.
They’re also incredibly frustrating. It’s weird, feeling like she belongs while simultaneously not. This isn’t the DEO she remembers, the DEO she remembers is a desert base, not this new building in the city with the only similarities being the too white recovery rooms.
She recognises some agents, but others she’s never seen before, even if they smile or give her a head nod as she walks by.
She knows her mom, is glad that she’s come to visit, glad for the familiarity, but even then, something feels different between them.
Plus ‘the superfriends’ as Winn calls them, seem to have expanded. It’s good seeing James and Winn, she knows them, feels comfortable around them. Then there’s Lena, who Kara introduces as her girlfriend. It’s easy to see how happy they are together, and it’s easy to see why Kara had said she and Lena were friends, she’s crazy smart, smart enough to keep up with both Danvers sisters.
She wishes she could’ve seen more of Kara getting to know Lena, remember the nights where Kara would no doubt have gone on and on about how great Lena is, where Alex would’ve rolled her eyes but been so happy for her sister nonetheless.
Then there’s Maggie, who visits several times a day, just to check on her. Maggie who is funny and kind and who she likes more and more with every passing moment she spends with her. She doesn’t find out much about the other woman but it’s always good to see her, always nice to have the company, to hear about her work and the promise of beer and pool once she’s been discharged, which is apparently something they do often.
She finds out they’d found, then lost, her father again, which had been hard to hear but she’s glad Kara told her.
The fact that she’s had a haircut had been a surprise, Kara handing her a mirror as she ran her fingers through short hair. She quite likes it.
But there’s still so much missing, so many things people say and she doesn’t understand, so many looks shared. How is she meant to go back to her job after this with so much knowledge missing?
But Kara helps, Kara tells her stories, Kara spends all her free time with her, filling her in on things she’s missed, both big and small. And it’s nice, but it’s not the same as experiencing them herself.
---
Day four and Alex is beside herself with boredom. She’s fine, she knows she’s fine, she feels fine now, but the doctor insists she stay just one more day. Then in two more days, she’s allowed to return to work. Part time first, she’ll have a lot to relearn, but she’s looking forward to getting back to some normalcy.
She wanders around the building, getting used to the unfamiliar layout. She ends up in the control room and spots Winn across the room. J’onn is out with Supergirl, so there’s no one to tell her off for being out of bed. Winn can try but she knows she can silence him with a glare.
“What are you doing out here?” Winn asks as she joins him. She watches the screens in front of him but nothing exciting is happening, Supergirl and J’onn are just out on patrol.
“I was bored. What are you doing?”
“Nothing, I am also bored.” Alex laughs, this is the Winn she remembers. “How’s the head?”
“Good,” Alex says, and then just because she wants to continue this normal conversation, she says she’s fine. She doesn’t want him to act weird like they all have been around her. She just wants normal. They’re all trying, but of course it’s hard when the person you're talking to doesn’t remember the past two years of interactions. “I’m better than good actually. Did Kara tell you? I remembered everything this morning.”
Winn almost squeals in excitement as he throws his arms around her in an unexpected hug. “That’s so great I’m so happy for you!”
Winn beams and Alex can’t help but smile back. She suddenly feels guilty though, wishes she could take back the words, he’s going to be upset when he finds out the truth.
“Does Maggie know? She’ll be so relieved too, she’s been so worried about you.”
“Ahh yeah, I told her this morning.” It’s all lies but she wants to see where this conversation is going now that Maggie’s been mentioned. The woman intrigues her, sets off a warm feeling in her stomach that feels foreign but good. Sometimes Maggie gets this look in her eye though that Alex can’t quite read but ‘so worried ’ seems to be stretching it a bit, Maggie doesn’t seem that worried about her.
It doesn’t make sense but she hopes Winn is right, hopes Maggie is worried about her, it means that she cares.
Alex cares about her too, even if it only feels like she’s known her a few days.
“I have no doubt you’d have found your way back to her even if you never regained your memories, you two are meant for each other. I’m glad that’s not the case though, or else I’d be holding onto the ring you gave me for a long time. I still have it hidden so whenever you’re ready to propose, just let me know.” He wraps her in another hug. “I’m so glad you’re back! Ohh later, can we look over the plans for the laser gun we’ve been working on? Lena and I made some additions we think you’ll like.”
“Ahh yeah, sure,” Alex answers, too focused on the rest of the conversation to know what she’s even agreeing to. She and Maggie are, what? Meant for each other? That doesn’t mean what she thinks it means, does it? But even if she’s mistaken by his wording, there’s not a lot that “ring” and “propose’ could mean. She’d been planning to propose to Maggie?
Does that mean she’s…gay ?
Because that is one hell of a thing to forget.
So is being so in love with someone that she wants to marry them.
Why does it feel so right though?
And Maggie? How must she feel? What must it be like to have someone you love forget you completely?
She needs a drink.
---
She doesn’t get a drink, only because they won’t let her leave the building. What she gets is even better, her sister to talk to.
“Can I ask you about something?” Alex asks when Supergirl returns a few hours later.
“Of course,” Kara says. She must realise how serious she is from her expression and she takes the seat beside her bed.
All afternoon Alex has been able to think of nothing but Maggie and wondering if she is gay. There’s definitely something about Maggie that draws her in, makes her want to spend more time with her, makes her want to learn more about her. But that doesn’t make her gay, does it?
Maggie’s also pretty, but thinking a woman is pretty doesn’t make her gay either.
But Winn’s words are stuck in her mind. Before all of this, she was planning to propose to Maggie.
“Am I gay?”
The last thing she expects is for Kara to laugh.
Alex frowns. “Is that funny?”
Kara shakes her head. “Four days since meeting Maggie again and you’ve figured it out. It took you a little longer last time.”
Alex loses all the breath in her chest. “And Maggie…she’s my…?”
Alex can’t even say the words, can’t think about what it means if they’re true. But Kara wouldn’t lie, not about this.
Kara smiles. “She’s your girlfriend.”
The reality of the situation hits her, what she truly may have lost. She never thought she’d find someone in the first place and now she may lose her because she can’t remember. “I was going to propose to her.”
Kara’s eyes widen. “You remember?”
“No,” Alex shakes her head. “Winn told me.”
“Oh,” Kara pauses, all excitement gone from her voice. “Did he tell you about Maggie too?”
“I told him I remembered and he mentioned her. Why didn’t you guys just tell me the truth?”
Kara sighs. “Maggie didn’t want to, she was afraid if she pushed you too fast, you’d get scared and she’d lose you. We were hoping you’d figure it out on your own.”
“So I figured it before. That I’m…” She swallows. “That I’m gay ?”
Kara nods. “It took you a while but yeah, Maggie helped.”
“Maggie helped?”
“Your feelings for Maggie made you realise you were gay. Maggie helped you realise what it meant, helped you come to terms with it and come out to me.”
Maggie sounds so good. Alex wishes she could remember.
“What do I do now?” This is foreign territory for her, she has no idea what to do.
“You don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. But I think you should talk to Maggie, tell her what you’re thinking, how you’re feeling. She loves you, so much. And you loved her.” Kara smiles. “I’d never seen you like that, so happy, so in love, and I know you could get back to that again, if that’s what you want.”
Alex nods, she has no idea what she wants, but the least she can do, for Maggie, is think about it.
---
The next time she sees Maggie, is when she stops by after work later that day to see how she is. Alex doesn’t say anything, she just sits and watches, she sits and listens as Maggie tells her about her day.
There’s something so familiar about the way she speaks, about the way she smiles, the way she laughs, the way she tilts her head, dimples sitting adorable on her face.
But Alex doesn’t just want familiar, she wants to know what it had been like, wants to know Maggie’s favourite food, how she looks in the morning, half asleep and in need of coffee. She wants to know about her past, what made her the woman she is today, and she wants to know her in the future.
It’s not fair, that she’s lost this, not only Maggie, but she had to find out she was gay from someone else, she didn’t get to figure out how she feels on her own.
She doesn’t know for sure, but Maggie’s smile does something to her insides, makes her feel things she doesn’t remember feeling before. Is this how she felt the first time? Is this what made her realise she was gay and liked Maggie?
“Can I talk to you about something?” Alex asks after Maggie’s told her a particularly funny story from work. Kara was right, she should talk to Maggie.
Maggie nods, her smile settling warm in her chest.
“Winn told me about us.”
“Oh.”
She watches as Maggie almost deflates, an unsure expression settling across her face. “Is that okay? I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”
There’s nothing uncomfortable about the thought of dating Maggie.
“You’re asking me if it’s okay that we dated? Even though I clearly consented at the time?”
Maggie swallows, Alex sees the movement of her throat, and she realises too late her word choice.
“Or we’re…dating?” Alex amends, though now she’s unsure herself. How does dating work when one person can’t remember the other?
“Not if you don’t want to be,” Maggie says, but now she just looks sad. The look is like a sucker punch to Alex’s gut, she never wants to see that look on Maggie’s face.
“I want to…I think…I’m not sure.” Alex huffs out breath. “This morning I didn’t even know I was gay and now…I don’t know, but I know you’re important to me, I know I don’t want to lose you.”
“Hey,” Maggie says, taking her hand. “You’re not going to lose me, of that you can be sure of. I’m going to be here for you, no matter what happens, no matter what you decide, okay?”
“Can I kiss you?”
The words surprise them both, but Maggie’s right there and her lips look so soft. All others kisses in her life have made her feel uneasy, uncomfortable, they’ve felt wrong.
The thought of kissing Maggie makes her feel none of that.
“Are you sure?”
Alex nods. She wants to know what it feels like, to kiss Maggie. There are so many things she’s forgotten, their first date, their first kiss, what it feels like to hug Maggie, what their first time was like.
That last one makes her blush.
So she wants this, wants something to hold on to. Because the thing that felt like it was missing earlier is Maggie, she can feel that now, as Maggie moves closer. And this is a start, to getting back to what they were, to how happy Kara said she was, to hopefully getting to marry the love of her life.
The moment their lips touch, Alex feels like the entire world explodes around her, leaving nothing but Maggie and her lips and a feeling so strong that it rushes through her, leaves her wondering why she hadn’t thought to kiss a girl before.
This is nothing like kissing a man. And Alex is glad.
This is soft and warm, there’s not scratch of stubble, no hands trying to grip her too tight. There’s just this woman, who’s cupping her face so gently, who’s sighing into her mouth and making her feel things she’s never felt before.
“Alex,” Maggie whispers, so much emotion in her voice that Alex feels like she might cry.
She opens her eyes, meets warm brown ones just inches from hers and-
Oh.
That’s.
Everything comes rushing back.
Alex sighs, tilts her head forward, presses it to Maggie’s. “Maggie.” She pulls back. “How on earth did I forget you?”
Maggie’s eyes widen. “You…?
Alex nods. “I remember.”
“Everything?” Maggie looks so hopeful.
Alex feels like she may cry again. “Everything. I can’t believe I almost forgot you. Thank you, for not leaving.”
Maggie brushes her hair back behind her ear. “Never. I told you, I love you, forever.”
“I love you, too,” Alex smiles, wiping a lone tear that has fallen down Maggie’s cheek. She doesn’t want her to cry, she wants her to be happy, always. “Come here,” she says and Maggie easily gets the idea as she climbs onto the too small bed, curls herself tight around Alex. Alex wraps her own arms around Maggie, holds her as close as possible as Maggie’s head settles on her chest.
How had she forgotten this? How had she forgotten one of the best things in her life? How had she forgotten the woman she’d promised to love forever?
Never again, she vows, as she presses a kiss to Maggie’s forehead.
Kara chooses that exact moment to walk into the room. She stops as she takes in the sight in front of her. “Alex?”
“I’m going to ask J’onn if he can erase a particular memory of me walking in on you and Lena, I really didn’t need to remember that.”
A high-pitched squeal sounds from across the room and then, a moment later, Kara is at the side of the bed, practically throwing herself on top of them both as she hugs Alex. “You remember everything?”
Alex grins as Kara pulls back. “I do.”
“Thank Rao,” Kara says. Alex can see how tense she’s been about the whole situation as Kara’s shoulders visibly deflate. “I’m so glad you’re back.”
“Me too.”
“What made you remember?”
Alex looks down at the woman who’s still pressed to her side, but she’s shifted so she can look up at Kara. “Maggie did."
Kara’s gaze softens as she watches them both. She leans down and first presses a kiss to Alex’s forehead, then to Maggie’s. “Thank you.”
Maggie presses even closer to her, she can feel her down the length of her body. Usually Alex would be embarrassed by such a public display of affection but right now she doesn’t care, all she wants is Maggie close, to never let her go.
She has two conflicting thoughts in her mind, she remembers the last four days, and while now she has all the knowledge she’d lost, she still remembers what it had been like not knowing.
She never wants to feel like that again, never wants to forget Maggie, what it’s like to kiss her, to hold her, to know she’s found her one person, the person she’s going to spend the rest of her life with.
Alex presses her own kiss to Maggie’s forehead again, lets the warmth from the body next to her spread through her, warm her up and make her feel so loved that Alex can do nothing but hold Maggie tighter.
“Always,” Maggie says, addressing Kara.
She’d almost forgotten she was here.
“I’ll go let everyone else know you remember?”
Alex nods. “Please.”
“But I’ll tell them you’re asleep, so you two can have some alone time?”
“Thank you,” Alex smiles. That’s exactly what she wants now, just Maggie.
Once Kara leaves, closing the door behind her, Alex snuggles back into her girlfriend’s side. She thinks about the ring Winn has hidden away at his apartment, somewhere where Maggie would never find it. She thinks of the day, a month ago, when she’d gone ring shopping with Kara, looking for the perfect ring for Maggie.
And they’d found it, at the fourth shop they’d visited. As soon as she’d seen it, she’d known, that was the ring she was going to use to propose to Maggie.
She’s been waiting for the perfect time, trying to plan the perfect moment to propose, but now she doesn’t want to wait, doesn’t want another day to go by where Maggie isn’t her fiancée. So tomorrow she’ll do it, tomorrow she’s going to ask the love of her life to marry her and hope she says yes.
With that thought in mind, with the thought of how they got here, to how she found the person she’s going to spend the rest of her life with, and the thought of all the good things to come in the future, Alex snuggles closer to her girlfriend, just holds her close until they eventually drift off to sleep.
(The next day, Maggie says yes).