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May. 13
Warrior Hoover,
I know you've received plenty of letters, and I hope mine isn't discarded. But you seem like the kind of person who would read each one. I don't know why I think so. I don't know you. I've just seen you around and you're so courteous for someone with your standing. More gentle than I imagined the colossus to be. I find it fascinating. I find you captivating. In fact I find you the most beautiful thing I've ever laid eyes on.
I don't stalk you, before you begin to worry. I work around the market and see you pass through. You make my day every time I see you. I'm not asking for your hand in marriage, or even to meet you. But I couldn't bear it if I didn't tell you how I felt. I'm sorry, I don't know how to express this that well. But I hope you'll read this and think of me for a second. I spend many seconds thinking about you.
Sincerely, Watcher
May. 15
Warrior Hoover,
I saw you at the market today! My cheeks got warm as I watched you move. You move so fluidly and gracefully. You're mesmerizing. I see why you were chosen for the colossus. But you looked different today. You seemed sad. Do you get sad? That's a dumb question. You have to. I can't imagine what horrors you faced on that island among those demons. I can't begin to thank you enough for your service to Marley, but I hate to think you're still burdened by it. You deserve to live out the rest of your time in peace.
Sincerely, Watcher
May. 16
Dear Watcher,
Yes, I've received numerous letters, but never any like these! By that I mean none have ever expressed concern for me. Your kindness and flattery beams through the paper and makes me smile. You were right, I was sad that day. But finding a new letter from you made me smile. Thank you for offering me loveliness in such a cruel world. I hope you're finding happiness too. And I hope to hear from you again.
Sincerely, Bertholdt (just call me Bertholdt)
May. 17
Bertholdt,
I almost fell over when I found this at the P.O. box where I drop yours! I had to rewrite this a few times I was so flustered. I never, ever expected a reply nor was I going to ask for one. I am so happy I made you smile. I've seen you smile at the market. I love seeing you smile. I love thinking about your smile. I love that I was able to make you smile. I love your name Bertholdt. I never noticed what a lovely name it was before. I love how it flows from my pen. Bertholdt. Bertholdt. Bertholdt.
May I ask you a few things? I'd like to get to know you better. If I'm being too forward, I apologize. But I was wondering,
What's your favorite thing to eat?
Your favorite confection?
Your favorite color?
Do you like mornings or night?
Sincerely, Watcher
May. 18
Dear Watcher,
You say such sweet things. I feel totally unworthy of them. You're such a wonderful person to be so sweet to me and expect nothing in return. It amazes me you yourself don't have a legion of secret admirers of your own. Anyone would be lucky to have someone like you by their side. And the questions are welcome! No worries.
My favorite thing to eat are potstickers.
Favorite confection are caramels.
Favorite color is red.
I prefer night.
However, I asked you a question you didn't answer. And that was if you were happy yourself, which I hope you are. You haven't shared anything about yourself. I'd like to get to know you better too.
Sincerely, Bertholdt
May. 19
Bertholdt,
You're more than worthy of my words. I don't need anything in return, just knowing I've made your day a bit brighter is all I need.
Red? Really? I guess I thought you'd be the sort who likes baby blue or evergreen. Red is such a bold color for someone like yourself. I like it. How come you never wear it? I think you'd look gorgeous in it. More than you already do.
I don't like talking about myself that much. There's not a lot to tell and nothing remarkable about me. Definitely not in comparison to you. I'm not sure if I'm happy. I'm not miserable, but a lot times I feel like I'm going through the motions. Waiting for the next big thing to happen so I can be useful again. Sorry if that's too vague, but my life isn't one I like speaking of too much. Though it's a much better life with you in it.
Sincerely, Watcher
May. 20
Dear Watcher,
Red is a flashy color and well, I don't like drawing attention to myself. But for you, I just might pull a red shirt out of my closet and wear it beneath my jacket next time I visit the market. Especially if you'll call me gorgeous again...
I'm sorry to hear you're going through the motions. I feel that way too sometimes. But hearing from you has become the best part of my day. So you've succeeded in your goal. Don't say you're not remarkable compared to me. I won't have it. All I need is to read your letters to know you're certainly a remarkable individual. Remember that, please.
Sincerely, Bertholdt
May. 21
Bertholdt,
Oh my god, I saw you in your red shirt today! You were walking with the armored titan and for once you were the bold-looking one. You're more than just gorgeous, you're, and excuse my forwardness, so sexy. I had to run and hide because I was blushing so much. I didn't want it to be obvious who I was since my face was even redder than your shirt. I probably looked like a tomato. You passed so close I wanted to reach out and touch you. Touch the red fabric. Stroke your dark hair behind your ear.
And you really are too nice to me. You don't even know me and you're acting like I'm an old friend. Thank you, Bertholdt.
Sincerely, Watcher
May. 22
Dear Watcher,
YOU had the red face? I'm redder than my shirt hearing you say that. I'm not good at this. Being flirted with. If we were speaking in person I'd probably say something dumb like 'thank you.' Ha. Happily while writing I can think it over and not make a fool of myself. But that's not to say I wouldn't want to hear things like that again.
I talk you like an old friend because you feel like an old friend. I can't put my finger on why, but you do.
I bet you're a looker yourself.
Sincerely, Bertholdt
May. 23
Bertholdt,
Oh yeah? Well, in that case: you're the sexiest damn thing there ever was. Such long legs and broad shoulders. Your skin a beautiful sunkissed tan. I wish I could see all of it. Which I very, very often imagine. And please, do make a fool of yourself. I can't imagine anything cuter than hearing you say 'thank you' to this.
P.S. I bought a few caramels for you. Nothing special. I know you can afford them yourself but I wanted to get you a treat. Thought about frying you some potstickers too, but I'm pretty sure it'd turn quick with the warm weather. Besides, I think caramel would look better melted all over your lips.
Sincerely, Watcher
May. 24
Dear Watcher,
I'm going to burn up on the spot! That is so not fair! And thank you. But hey, you didn't say if you were a looker or not. Tell me what color your hair is. I'd love to picture you more accurately as you watch me come and go and read my letters. To feel closer to you. So I too can imagine stroking the hair behind your ear.
Thank you for the caramels. You happened to pick my favorite kind. I'll think of you when I lick the excess off my lips.
Sincerely, Bertholdt
May. 25
Bertholdt,
I guess you won't be able to single me out at the market based on my hair color, so I'm blonde. Do you like blondes? I'm shuddering imagining your fingers touching my hair. I shudder imagining you touching me in other places too.
They're your favorite caramels? That's impressive. I just grabbed a few from the jars they were selling. Must have been meant to be.
I can't say this enough: talking to you is the best part of my day. I say talking when we're writing, but it feels like talking. I read each word in your voice. I remember your voice from the times I've heard it. It's tattooed on my brain. So smooth and throaty. I swear I *heard* you laugh when I opened up your last letter and said you were burning up. Did you laugh? I would love to hear you laugh. I bet it's sweeter than caramel and more beautiful than music.
Speaking of the caramel, I'd kiss it clean from your lips. Then I'd kiss you everywhere I was able.
Sincerely, Watcher
May. 26
Dear Watcher,
You get me hot under the collar, you know...
You're right. I was laughing when I read your letter. And I do like blondes. I'd like you though no matter what color your hair was or if you had any at all. You're too kind and too funny not to like. You're the best part of my day too.
My sweet, lovely, charming watcher.
Notice the box beneath my letter. Inside is a tomato. Tomato red like your face, remember? (and me whenever you write such salacious things). I grew it in the garden I keep at home. Not a traditional gift like sweets, but I wanted to give you something I grew myself.
Sincerely, Bertholdt
May. 27
Bertholdt,
Now you have me all red again with your sweet talk. You're such an angel. Are angels supposed to be this sexy though? Hm...
A tomato! Thank you so much, this is the best gift I've ever gotten, which might sound strange. But holding something you grew makes me feel so close to you. I almost don't want to eat it. I'll probably use it in a salad though. I should eat less roast and buttery potatoes and more vegetables. You're promoting good habits in me while I give you candy. Heh.
So you garden at home? What else do you grow? How long have you been gardening? Tell me all about it.
Sincerely, Watcher
May. 28
Dear Watcher,
If you call me sexy again I'll surely burn up and steam away like my titan. Then how will I keep writing you? Hm...
I started gardening when I was a child. Even before the warrior program. My mother taught me. She grew tomatoes, cabbage, snow peas, and spinach among other things. She had me water them with a watering can that was shaped like an elephant. Now I grow tomatoes, snow peas, carrots, celery, dewberries, strawberries, honeydew melon, and more herbs than I can remember. My father loves eating what I grow instead of what's sold at the market. You might've noticed I rarely buy produce there. Usually just grains and meat.
Salad huh? If you made it by the time you get this, what else did you put in it? And if you didn't make it, picture me shaking my finger and telling you to have a salad instead of just meat and potatoes. For shame.
Sincerely, Bertholdt
May. 29
Bertholdt,
Sorry, I'll try to think of another adjective. How about adorable? Because I bet you were an adorable kid. I'm melting picturing a little you holding an elephant watering can. I did notice you didn't buy much produce. I should've figured you'd be a gardener. Suits you. Do you have gardener's hands?
Yes, I was good and made the salad. No need to shake your finger at me. Added spring onions, romaine lettuce, kale (I can only just tolerate kale, did it for you), cucumbers, and topped it with vinegar, olive oil, and lemon. Your tomato was by far the best part. I didn't know tomatoes could be so sweet. It has to be because you grew it.
Sincerely, Watcher
May. 30
Dear Watcher,
I guess I was adorable. People pinched my cheeks a lot. I thought it was weird, but in hindsight it was a compliment. That sounds like a great salad! I drench anything I can with lemon juice. I'll even put it in my water. And I usually wear gloves when I garden. I admit, I'm a bit finicky about my skin. Sounds odd, I know. I don't exactly lead a life made for keeping supple skin. But I make do when I can. Gloves help with that.
Watcher, I have to confess: talking to you isn't just the best part of my day, but the best part of my life. I feel less like I'm going through the motions. I haven't felt sad very often since knowing you. I love going to the market because I know you're watching me and that makes me happy. I'm glad I can make you happy. I feel like I'm not able to make anyone happy. Not with anything other than my being a warrior. But that's not 'me' who's pleasing people, just my role. I don't know if that makes sense. But you were the first sender who never wanted anything from me. Not marriage, not status, not money. Just wanted to talk to me. Thank you for that.
Sincerely, Bertholdt
June. 2
Dear Watcher,
You haven't written in days. Did I say something wrong? Was I too forward? I'm sorry if I'm acting clingy, and this letter probably won't make that any better. But I can't stand the thought of driving you away. Please answer. I'm worried about you.
Sincerely, Bertholdt
June. 3
Bertholdt,
I'm sorry. I'm sorry I didn't write you in so long. You didn't say anything wrong. You weren't too forward. It wasn't you at all. It was something on my end. I've been too down to even hold a pen. I feel awful. I have a friend who I realized isn't as fond of me as I am of them. I've been so stupid for thinking they could be. But now I see they're not. You told me to not speak badly of myself but I can't help it. I made it this way. I've taken them for granted and now toyed with them. Pushed them away while desperately wishing they'd pull me back in.
I'm despicable. I'm a coward. I was only thinking of myself and what I wanted. I let it go too far. This is who I really am. I'm sorry again, Bertholdt. I can't be what you want me to be.
Sincerely, Watcher
June. 4
Dear Watcher,
You're exactly what I want you to be. I never thought you were perfect or asked you to be. I can't imagine what friend wouldn't be as fond of you as you of them. That's impossible. Are you sure they aren't? Sometimes you can project how you view yourself onto others. I wish you could see yourself the way I see you. This person would be out of their mind to not cherish you. I cherish you.
You're the furthest thing from despicable.
Love, Bertholdt
June. 5
Bertholdt,
I love you. It's entirely too soon to say something so serious to someone I've never even met. But I can't help it. I love you. I love you so much. I love you so much it makes me physically hurt. You're the only good thing left in my life and I can't ever actually have you. There's a lot you don't know about me and you say you like me as I am, but you wouldn't if you knew. You want me to see myself how you do, but you don't see the whole picture of who I am.
My first letter was a one-off, I just wanted to let you know how I felt. Then I sent another because I was impulsive. I never thought you'd reply, never thought this would go on. I should've left you alone, not dragged you into my mess because I just wanted your attention. I should say this will be my last letter, but it won't be. It won't because I'm too weak to stop this no matter how much I need to.
Sincerely, Watcher
June. 6
Dear Watcher,
There's a whole picture of me you don't see either. A picture that involves me and a wall, me and titans, me and terrorized people. Dead people. If that's my picture, then there's nothing about yours that's so bad that it would scare me away. Don't decide for me. I've had everything in life decided for me. Everything. Let me be the one who decides if I can love you in the way you do me.
Do you think I'd judge you? Think you're disgusting? Think you're below me? No one who's been as kind as you can be those things. I believe that you're as amazing as I think you are. So don't hide, don't run away. There's so much I want to learn about you. I'm not going anywhere, so tell me,
What's your favorite thing to eat?
Your favorite confection?
Your favorite color?
Do you like mornings or night?
Love, Bertholdt
June. 7
Bertholdt,
Just when I think I can't love you any more, you do this. You're an angel. You see someone at their worst and instead of letting go you hold on tighter. God, Bertholdt, I don't know what this fucked up world did to deserve to have you in it.
I'll answer your questions. It's the least I can do.
My favorite thing to eat is egg drop soup.
My favorite confection is raspberry jam.
My favorite color is gold.
I prefer nights also.
Sincerely, Watcher
June. 8
Dear Watcher,
I'm holding on tighter because I know from experience that's what you do when someone who needs you is pushing you away instead. But you're still pushing me away. Hiding. Because I have the oddest feeling those aren't your real favorites.
In fact.... I think I can guess what they are.
Beef and potato stew. Especially over rice.
Salt water taffy. Especially cherry-flavored.
Aquamarine. Especially the color of the ocean.
Mornings. Especially mid-morning.
I know all your favorites, Reiner.
Love, Bertholdt
June. 9
Dear Reiner,
You weren't at home. Your mother told me you'd been out for a training session with the new batch of warriors. There's no new session today. I asked Magath.
I knew it was you the moment I opened the first letter. I'd know your blocky handwriting anywhere. I noticed you blushing and eyeing my red shirt when we were walking through the market. I noticed you buying a handful of caramels from the sweets stand. I noticed how much happier you were for the first batch of letters. I noticed how you sunk after the one that upset you.
You really do think I'm not as fond of you... That breaks my heart. It breaks my heart you felt you had to pretend to be someone else to tell me how you felt. To yet again pretend to be someone else to be happy. That you think there would actually be someone else who could make as happy as you do. I meant everything I said in these letters. How you're kind, and remarkable, and charming, and anyone would be lucky to have you at their side. I said all those things to YOU, not an imaginary person I built up in my head. You.
But I have to apologize. I should've confronted you in person as soon as I got your first letter. I almost did, that's why I didn't reply to the first one. When I got the second one I couldn't help playing along. I don't know what I was thinking. I guess I was scared. I should have expected how this would backfire once you thought I was in love with someone else. I'm sorry, Reiner.
I don't know where you're hiding but you have to come home at some point. We fought so hard to get here, so why run away? I'm leaving this on your doorstep and going home. Perhaps I should just sit here and wait, but Karina will get worried if I'm lingering around waiting for you.
I love you. Come back and we can talk about this. So I can tell you I love you in person.
Love, Bertholdt
June. 10
Bertholdt,
I'm writing this in a hurry and then leaving it in your post before bolting. Because I'm a coward.
You say you're sorry for playing along, but I should be the sorry one. I started all this in the first place. When I saw you getting letters from those random girls, I got jealous. I hated that they could tell you all those things when they wouldn't know what real feelings were if they bit them in the ass. Yeah, I'm an idiot because I didn't do a lot to cover my tracks. I think you make me stupid. But the look on your face after I knew you'd just read one of the letters was the best feeling I've ever had. I never thought it through though. Which I'm sure to you isn't a surprise. Not the first time I did something rash and put us in a bind, huh buddy? Maybe buddy is the wrong word now.
I'm rambling.
I love you, Bertl. I'm not even sure when I started to but I don't think it matters. I love you. I wish it were as easy to look you in the eyes and say it as it is to write it to you on paper while pretending to be a peasant girl. Remember how I knew you were laughing before? Could you tell I just started laughing then? This is so ridiculous I'm laughing my ass off right now.
Come find me. I'm not brave enough to go to you. Not just yet. If you could just be the brave one this one last time (I swear it's the last) then I'll make it up to you.
Love, Reiner
June. 11
Dear Reiner,
Had to get one last short letter in. Saw you coming home, so I used my key to get in your place.
Of course I knew you were laughing when you wrote that. We've always been in sync. I know what you're thinking even before you think it. And vice versa. It is all ridiculous. Laughably ridiculous. But I don't think there's a world where when this happened, it wouldn't be ridiculous. Messy. Frightening. I know it's not easy to say I love you in person. If it were I'd have come out and said it the instant I knew, which was years ago.
The next time I say it, it'll be in person.
Turn around.
Love, Bertholdt