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Isaac Goldstein was going out of his mind. He loved Max. Honestly, he did. Max was his best friend (his only friend), and they’d known each other for half their lives. He didn’t even mind that Max was gay! Really! It was great that Max was gay, because that just meant more girls for Isaac (not that he’d ever actually make a move, because every time he tried, he felt like he was going to be sick, but that was beside the point).
The one thing that Isaac could do without, really, was Max’s ridiculous crush on Regulus Black, whom he’d spoken to exactly once, back in first year.
Isaac had thought he’d get over it. Black was a Slytherin, and a Pureblood, and, in all likelihood, thought that Half-Bloods like Isaac and Max were below his station. But here they were in third year, and Max was still making eyes at Regulus Black in Charms and History of Magic, at meals in the Great Hall, during Quidditch matches (and funny how Max only wanted to go to matches where Slytherin played), and at any other chance he got.
“His best mate is Crouch,” Isaac hissed to Max in History of Magic. It was something he said often, almost like a mantra. Crouch, after all, made a point to single out Isaac. But Max still didn’t get it. He’d never get it.
“He just looks so sad sometimes, Isaac,” Max sighed, looking for all the world like a lovestruck schoolboy. It was a miracle he wasn’t doodling Maximus Black in his notes (or, maybe Regulus Scamander – Isaac didn’t know how that worked with gay couples, really, and didn’t think he knew who to ask). Or maybe he was. Isaac was too afraid to check.
“I don’t care if he looks sad,” Isaac said, switching to Yiddish as he did so often when it was just the two of them. “He’s a snake, and he thinks people like my mother should die. That’s not something I can take lightly.”
“Oh, get over yourself,” Max huffed. “He’s beautiful.”
He was a racist, and an arrogant prat, and, sure, Isaac could admit that Regulus Black was objectively far from the ugliest person he’d ever laid eyes on. He might even be attractive if he ever got that haughty holier-than-thou look off of his smug face. But Isaac still didn’t understand why Max was so obsessed with him.
Max was the one who needed to get over himself, really.
Isaac didn’t know that the worst was yet to come.
Max came back from the library one afternoon early in November practically glowing. “He talked to me!”
Oh, no. Isaac didn’t even need to ask who’d talked to him, because it was obvious from the way Max was grinning ear to ear. “Did he tell you he’s in love with you?”
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Max said. “He asked me where the library copy of Numerology and Grammatica was.”
“...That’s it?” Isaac asked, when Max didn’t volunteer any additional information.
“Well, it’s a start,” Max said.
It wasn’t anything. Isaac had exchanged more words with Emmeline Vance, and even he wasn’t delusional enough to think that meant he actually had a chance with her!
“And Aubrey’s right,” Max said, “Quidditch players have got fantastic arses.”
Isaac knew Max was saying it to get a rise out of him, so he just rolled his eyes and said, “As long as he doesn’t catch you staring.”
“Maybe if he does,” Max said, “he’ll realise how adorable and irresistable I am, and then he’ll ask me out, and then we’ll fall in love and get married and…”
“Max,” Isaac said. “Getting a bit out of hand again.”
Max blushed. “Sorry. He’s just so cute, Isaac.”
Isaac wished he could say that this was the first time that Max had said something to the same effect, and, really, he should be getting paid for this. He knew that he could get a bit out of hand with his crush on Emmeline, but Max was just ridiculous.
The worst part was that Max clearly did believe, at least in part, that if he could start a conversation with Regulus Black, then the rest would follow naturally, and that they would end up falling in love and getting married.
“You don’t even know if he’s gay,” Isaac said. “Sirius is, but that doesn’t mean anything about his brother.”
“Well, Jacob’s bisexual, and I’m gay, and dad’s gayer than his brother, so that sort of makes sense. I mean, can you think of a younger brother who isn’t at least a little bit gayer than his older brother?”
“Me?” Isaac tried. “David and I are both straight!”
Max rolled his eyes. “Keep telling yourself that, I suppose.”
Isaac took a deep breath. He knew Max was doing this to get a rise out of him, just because he didn’t want to hear about Regulus Black. “I don’t need to convince you of my heterosexuality, Max.”
“Good, because you can’t,” Max said. “The way you look at Sirius Black says it all, really. Or the way you hang onto Jake’s every word.”
“I’m straight,” Isaac said. There was nothing unusual with the way he looked at Sirius Black, and while he could admit that he thought Max’s brother was really cool and nice, that was all there was to it.
“Whatever you need to tell yourself to get to sleep at night, I suppose,” Max said. “It’s probably for the best. Jake’s happily married, and Sirius Black is an arse.”
“I don’t really think Sirius is any worse than Regulus.”
Max rolled his eyes. “Well, you wouldn’t, would you?”
“He’s a Slytherin, Max, and you can’t tell me that he and his friends don’t all support You-Know-Who!”
“I mean, I can’t, because there’s no way to know that for sure without asking him, but I’m sure it’ll come up on our first date.”
Isaac knew there was no debating with Max when he got like this, and trying would just frustrate him even further. “I’m going to work on my Defense essay in the common room,” he said. Best to extract himself from the situation. He just needed some time alone, without Max blathering on about Regulus Black for hours on end.
Of course, in the common room, Bertram Aubrey was sat with Martin Corner, talking loudly about Sirius Black, and if you asked Isaac, he could never hear another word about either Black brother again and it would be too soon.
Maybe he’d go down to the library after all.