Chapter Text
All I want is to be happy.
The emotions I feel are astounding; a part of me that I have never explored is suddenly erupting and I have no idea what to do.
I never thought I would venture into anything other than friendship with another man, much less my best friend. Everything happened so fast. It was a whirlwind of emotion that came unexpected.
Our fingers dance together in a number full of twirls and tender touches. My heart fills with delight every time I see his face, full of admiration (for me ((unbelievably so)).
...Am I lonely?
I don't think so. A part of me wants to believe I love out of the vacuity of my heart; another part believes I love simply to love.
Maybe I just don’t know what I want.
...Maybe there’s a part of me that does.
Either way, the emotions I feel aren’t some figment of imagination. They are the realest, most sensational emotions I have ever felt, so much more than I’ve ever felt before. I don’t know if I’m disappointed or filled with utter delight. I don’t know whether to cry or scream or jump for joy or all three at the same time.
Every day he crosses my mind, and every day I am filled with pure, unbridled affection. When I wake up in the morning, there’s a part of me that’s sorry I ever went to sleep; dreams are hopeless fantasies that I wish I could live in. I wake with a blush upon my cheeks and a knot in my chest.
I wish I could live in my dreams.
I dream of soaring skies, of sun and birds and him, his hands, his face his legs his arms his fingers all around me touching me sinking lower lower i am drowning oh god
Awake.