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Nick traipsed back to his room with nothing but bitter disappointment to keep him company. Seiji, of course, had stormed off the minute the bus had let them out. Nick dreaded having to deal with Seiji, but he wasn’t sure if Seiji’s attitude was better or worse than Harvard and Eugene’s had been. They’d been so nice, so understanding. They’d masked their grief at the loss behind kind faces and it made Nick feel, in a way, even worse than Seiji’s accusing glare. It was like they pitied him, or something. Nick sighed, pushing into his room and flinging all his stuff to the floor.
“Are you satisfied?” Seiji spat at him, right off the bat. Nick had hoped that, if left unantagonized, Seiji would leave him be. Unfortunetly, he’d known from the start that Seiji never needed to be antagonized to rip into you. “You’re dragging down the team. You cost us the win tonight; if you hadn’t been there, we’d have come back victorious. Don’t you see that I was right all along? Your potential only goes so far, Nicholas, and it doesn’t come far enough to warrant a place on the team.”
They were harsh words, words that Nick himself had been thinking the entire drive back to Kings Row. And, to his mortification, he couldn’t help the hot tears that flooded from his eyes at the sound of those thoughts vocalized by one of his teammates. Seiji looked at him in alarm, then set his face back to a scowl.
“Well? You should be used to it by now,” Seiji snapped, an echo from a past fight. “What?” He sneered. “Going to run off again? Do us all a favor and don’t come back.” Anger snapped to life in Nick and he lunged at Seiji, who hadn’t been expecting an attack. He should have, really. But this wasn’t an attack, in any case. It was an eviction. Nick shoved Seiji out of their room and slammed the door shut, locking it with vicious pleasure. He noticed the shoes Seiji had been wearing tonight neatly tucked into place, noticed the glint of his key from the pocket of his jacket, and he grinned. Seiji couldn’t get back in and couldn’t go anywhere else, either.
Turning on his music to full volume, Nick collapsed on his bed and allowed himself to sob. It only took ten minutes for him to collect himself. That was the thing about crying, it didn’t last forever and you felt better after doing it. And he did feel better. Sure, he still felt shitty over losing the match for Kings Row, but shit happened, right? He’d be better next time. And Harvard and Eugene didn’t hate him for his blunder. Aiden…well, Aiden was a tough one to read, but he hadn’t seemed as upset as Seiji did. Seiji. Nick glanced at the door. He could let Seiji in now, he supposed. But he didn’t want to. So, instead, he grabbed the manga Bobby had shoved on him last week and finally got to reading it. He was almost through the volume before he was disturbed.
“Nicholas!” Seiji’s voice boomed through the door, finally overpowering the music—currently a song by Fall Out Boy—that blasted in the room. “Let me in,” Seiji’s words were accompanied by pounding at the door. Nick paused his music and walked over to the door. But he didn’t so much as reach to unlock it.
“No,” Nick said lightly. “Aren’t you used to living in the hall yet?”
“Don’t be petty. It will be curfew soon and I will not get a slip because of your nonsense.”
“Alright, fine,” Nick shrugged, despite being alone in the room with no one to see it. “Then apologize to me.”
“I’m sorry,” Seiji said, reluctantly, but it was enough. Nick’s hand was on the lock when Seiji continued. “I’m sorry that you’re too weak to face the facts.” Nick’s hand snapped away from the lock as if burned.
“Seiji,” a muffled voice came from the hallway. Kally, Nick was pretty sure. “You’ll never get back in like that.” Nick laughed. He wondered how long Seiji had had an audience for.
“Just let me in,” Seiji demanded, but Nick didn’t. He sunk down on the floor and rested his back against the door, then continued reading the manga, ignoring the noise from the hall as Seiji chased Kally off and then asked again to be let in.
“You’ve obviously finished crying,” Seiji said sharply. “There’s no reason to make me stay out here.”
“You’re a dick, Seiji,” Nick told him seriously. “And that’s all the reason I need.” Seiji let out an exasperated sigh that bordered on a growl. Nick swore he could feel the irritated vibrations through the door. He sniggered to think that Seiji was on the other side of door 108, slumped against it just like Nick. Only unable to get in. Silence fell and Nick got back to reading.
“I’ve got homework,” Seiji said finally.
“Where?”
“What do you mean where? Just let me in!”
“Nah. Do you want me to get your homework for you or not?”
“I detest you.”
“The feeling is mutual.”
“In my bag,” Seiji said, resignation audible in his voice. “The green folder.”
Nick obligingly pulled out the folder he’d been instructed to and slid it under the door to Seiji before sitting back down.
“Really?” Seiji huffed. “I need a pencil.”
“Oh? Sorry, you hadn’t asked so I didn’t know.” Nick shot a fancy mechanical pencil under the door and delighted in hearing Seiji get to his feet to retrieve it. He spared another moment to rifle through the bag but there was nothing interesting, so he shoved it back towards Seiji’s side of the room from his spot by the door and smiled when it spilled some of its contents across the floor.
Nick listened idly to Seiji’s activity despite himself. He was only half reading Bobby’s manga now, more interested in the footsteps that shuffled through the hallway and the comments and conversations that came when they found Seiji on the floor. After about an hour, a thud resonated through the door, but Nick thought it might have come from Seiji leaning against it heavily rather than from his fist.
“Open the door,” Seiji tried for the hundredth time. “I keep having to explain to everyone that you threw a fit and locked me out.”
“I know,” Nick laughed. “I’ve been here the whole time.”
“What? You mean you’re not even doing anything?” Seiji demanded. “You’re just sitting there?”
“Listening to you suffer, yep.”
“Nicholas, please,” Seiji ground out, and it was painfully obvious how much he hated having to say it. “It’s almost curfew. Let me in.”
“You’re mean, did you know that?” Nick asked.
“Excuse me?”
“Yeah, you’re mean. You say mean things when there’s no need for you to say them,” Nick continued. “Part of it is just that, you know, you’re kind of a huge asshole. But I’m starting to think that you just don’t know that you’re not supposed to say stuff like that all the time.”
Seiji groaned, obviously not pleased to be analyzed by Nick.
“You shouldn’t say things, sometimes, even if they’re not wrong, really. Sometimes, you’re just supposed to let the super negative things slide without pointing them out.”
“I don’t participate in lying.”
“It’s not lying, you dick, it’s common fucking curtsey. Jesus, have you ever had a friend before?”
“What do I need friends for?” Seiji scoffed. Nick almost felt bad for him, but his righteous anger squelched it out.
“To make you a better person. It’s not surprising everyone hates you. Even the people who love you don’t want to get close enough to know you because you just—you say mean things all the time as if they were totally normal and acceptable things to say. It’s like I said, you don’t seem to realize that you’re in the wrong at all.”
“I’m not,” Seiji retorted, a note of anger in his own voice now. “I only say what I observe.”
“Without thinking through how it’ll effect the people you say it to.” Nick sighed.
“I don’t care how it effects them. That’s their problem, not mine.”
“Right, okay,” Nick shook his head. “I’ll be your friend. A real one.”
“How did you come to that conclusion? It’s completely non sequitur.”
“You work a little different from most people.”
“I what?” He was fully angry now.
“It’s not a bad thing,” Nick said. “Well, okay, it kind of is. But only because you don’t even try to understand other people’s feelings. That’s why I think you need a friend to help you see when you’re being…mean.”
“I don’t care if I’m mean.”
“But I do, and I’m the one with the power to make you either sleep in the hall or go beg for a new key. So. What’s it gonna be?”
Seiji huffed, but after a moment said, “And you’re going to be that friend?”
“You bet. I’ll be your number one friend! It’ll be great. But first you have to learn how to apologize properly, and as sincerely as possible for a soulless bastard.”
“Fine.” Seiji said, but stubbornly refused to just apologize.
“Do you regret what you said to me earlier?” Nick prompted.
“Of course,” Seiji said to Nick’s surprise. “I’m locked out of my room because of it, aren’t I?” And there was the Seiji that Nick knew and…well, didn’t love.
“Eh,” Nick said, like a buzzer on a game show. “Wrong answer. Dig a little deeper.”
“I didn’t…” Seiji started, haltingly and awkward. “I didn’t really mean to make you cry.”
“And that’ll have to do,” Nick said, standing up with a yawn as he stretched. Then, finally, he unlocked the door and opened it. Seiji fell backwards into the room, catching himself before hitting the floor. Like Nick had thought, Seiji had been a mirror image of himself on the other side of the door. He obviously hadn’t expected Nick to let him in just then, which caused Nick to grin down at Seiji’s scowling face. “And, as an added bonus, I’ll even forgive you.”
Being friends with Seiji was a lot of things. Hard, first of all. He couldn’t seem to help himself when it came to pointing out flaws or commenting on sore spots. Nick tried not to take the regular dosage of insults and criticisms too personally, but it was hard when he got more of them than anyone. But, then, it was almost worse watching him go after someone else. Because, the more Nick got to know Seiji, the more he was convinced that he didn’t necessarily mean any harm by what he said. He just made harsh observations in unforgiving ways and didn’t understand how that hurt people. Aren’t you used to it? He’d ask. And it’s the truth. As if truth and frequency in failure ought to take away the sting. It didn’t.
But Nick also found that being friends with Seiji was…fun? Yeah, fun. Seiji didn’t fight it, and even though it had been painfully awkward at first, he’d just kept at it until having Seiji next to him, coolly detached and disinterested, was normal. Welcome, even.
“Seiji,” Nick called for him across the lunchroom, the way he had for almost a fortnight. Seiji turned to consider him, as if he might actually decide against sitting with Nick. Nick smiled, remembering the first time he’d called to Seiji like this, the day after their fight, when Seiji actually had ignored him. Nick had vaulted over three tables and one tiny sophomore to grab him and drag him back to sit with him. Seiji had seethed, looking ready to throw a punch, right there in the cafeteria.
“We’re friends now, remember?” Nick had told him, tightening his fingers around Seiji’s wrist like a boa constrictor. “And you made me cry, so you have to be nice to me.”
“I do not,” Seiji had snapped. “And you locked me out of my room for almost three hours in retaliation.”
“So,” Nick had grinned. “What you’re saying is that I need to be nice to you, since I locked you out. Either way, we get here.” And here had been an incredibly awkward meal at a table that had, mercifully, filled up with the rest of the fencing guys.
Since then, Seiji had grudgingly complied with Nick’s insistence that they eat together at any and every meal they attended at the same time. Nick knew it was because he didn’t want Nick chasing him down and causing a scene again, but he could pretend that Seiji was starting to warm up to his company.
“That pop quiz in math was awful, wasn’t it?” Nick said the moment Seiji was in earshot.
“Not particularly,” Seiji said shortly. He wasn’t one to waste words.
“Well I definitely struggled through the second half of that bullshit. I mean, matrices without a calculator? I’d rather be stabbed.”
“Lucky for you,” Seiji started and Nick braced himself. “That you’re a good deal more skilled at getting stabbed than doing math.”
“Ouch.” But Nick was laughing. “That one I’ll let pass, because it’s funny, see?”
“I wasn’t trying to be funny.”
“I know, which makes it even funnier. Man, you’re brutal. I almost like it.” He narrowed his eyes at Seiji. “Almost. But we’ve still got to work on your manners.”
“My manners are impeccable,” Seiji seemed genuinely affronted at Nick’s suggestion.
“Alright, your social skills, then. You can’t tell me those are impeccable too.” Seiji glowered, but didn’t bother defending against that accusation.
“I don’t see that you’re much better than I am,” he grumbled after so long a lapse in conversation that it took Nick a minute to pick up the threads.
“I’m fucking fantastic at making friends,” Nick informed him through a big bite of his shitty cafeteria burger. “Case in point,” he said, gesturing at Seiji. “I managed to wrangle the least sociable, most intolerable person I’ve ever met into being my number one friend.”
Seiji sneered at him for that, but Nick noticed he was looking rather pinker than usual as he turned back to his food. Being friends with Seiji was a lot of things. And Nick liked them all, in the end. He smiled happily through the rest of lunch. And the rest of the day, too.
“Ouch, fuck!” Nick careened towards the floor, and braced himself for the impact. Instead of hitting the hard wood floor, though, he found himself face planting onto a soft bed. And a soft body, on top of that bed. Seiji jolted awake, sitting up fast and alert.
“What—?” He looked around, and Nick sheepishly peeled himself off of him.
“Sorry,” he said, sinking to kneel on the floor, knees aching where they’d hit the bed frame. “I tripped.”
“You tripped?” Seiji repeated, unimpressed.
“Yes, that’s what I said.”
“Is it any wonder you’re such an abysmal fencer with that kind of coordination?”
“Be nice,” Nick grumped, swatting Seiji’s thigh with enough of a bite to earn a deepened glare.
“No,” he said bluntly. “Now, get off of me.”
“Like I wanted to be on you,” Nick scoffed, pulling himself the rest of the way off of Seiji’s bed. “It’s that damn curtain,” he complained. “I misjudged and got tangled on my way to pee.”
“Enchanting,” Seiji said with distaste.
“I’m serious, it’s a real problem. Can’t we take it down?” He asked.
“No.”
“Come on, we’re friends now,” Nick persisted. “Can’t we share a room like normal people without the ducks?”
“We could,” Seiji said, and Nick perked up with hope. “But you’re more of a mess than you are a normal person, and so, the ducks will be staying.”
“Really? Seiji, it’s a menace! I keep tripping on it.”
“Then you should be more careful. I’ve never been troubled by it.”
“Seiji, please?”
“I told you. No.” Seiji sunk back down into his bed. “I’d rather look at the curtain than at your side of the room. It’s a disaster and it hurts my eyes.”
“You’re such a princess,” Nick stood, finally giving up.
“Better a princess than a pig,” Seiji shot back, which made Nick laugh a little.
“Fine. The curtain stays. But I swear, Seiji, I’ll end up in your bed again, sooner or later.” And he went to do what he’d woken for in the first place. It wasn’t until he was back in his bed that he realized the nature of his promise to Seiji. He glanced over at the duck curtain, behind which Seiji slept. He considered clarifying his meaning, but it was too late now. And Seiji had to know what he’d meant. Still, the sentiment stuck with him until he fell asleep.
“Seiji,” Nick said, harsher than he’d called Seiji’s name in ages. “You can’t say that.” Seiji didn’t even give him a response, just turned on his heel and left. Nick sighed, watching Seiji go before turning back to the poor bastard he’d just thoroughly beaten. “Sorry about him,” Nick offered the guy a sympathetic smile.
“He thinks he’s so great,” the guy fumed, “but I’ll show him! I’ll beat him and then he’ll see what it’s like.”
“Yeah,” Nick said with a consoling pat on the dude’s shoulder. “I said that too, when he beat me. The first time. Maybe the first couple times.” Maybe even still. But he was making progress and had the opportunity to fence Seiji just about whenever he wanted. The boy before him had almost no chance at all. It made Nick a little happy that he had a monopoly on Seiji. It gave him ample opportunity to beat him. And he would beat him. Eventually. He saw the anger and spite in the eyes of Seiji’s most recent opponent, and recognized it as one does an old childhood picture. He was surprised to find that he no longer felt so malicious in his drive to conquer Seiji. Passionate as ever, but not so filled with hatred. Had that shift happened before or after he’d befriended Seiji?
“He’s a real dick,” the guy spat, burning eyes still set on Seiji. Nick didn’t like that. Not the accusation and not those eyes, fixed so feverishly on Seiji’s back. He felt the urge to lash out and put this guy in his place, but calmed himself. After all, he wasn’t really wrong. Seiji was a dick, and Nick had said it more times than anyone.
“He’s…difficult. But don’t take it personally. That’s just how he is.”
“That’s even worse! Like I’m just another peasant his majesty was forced to fence.”
“I’m sorry again, for what he said,” Nick told the guy once more then sidled away before he really did blow and tell the guy off for saying shit about Seiji. Really, the guy had asked for a verbal duel after his loss, and Seiji had only delivered, as he always did.
“I won’t apologize,” Seiji said with a fierce glare when Nick stepped to his side in the clamoring gym.
“I know,” Nick sighed. “You probably should. It would be the decent thing to do.” He glanced back at the fencer, and couldn’t help a frown at his intense face still turned on Seiji. “But I know you won’t apologize and, anyway, I don’t think it would help any.” Or that he deserves an apology from you, Nick thought guiltily. He decided to keep that thought to himself. “And I guess he did provoke you. But still. You shouldn’t say such harsh things.”
“He started it,” Seiji said, and seemed almost to pout. It was kind of endearing.
“I just told you, I know he did. Just—you can’t tell people that they’re terrible at the thing they love most, okay? And that they bring shame to the name of fencing, or whatever you said.” Nick shook his head. “Forget it. Let’s move on.” Seiji seemed surprised at his willingness to let it go. But, in truth, Seiji was always respectful after a match. It was about the only time he was so considerate. Not friendly, not nice, exactly, but he didn’t start shit. Nick knew that, and knew it was too much to ask Seiji not to go off when someone—someone like Nick—was stupid enough to welcome it.
“Okay.” Seiji said simply, and Nick nodded absently. His mind was still on other things. It wasn’t until Seiji furrowed his eyebrows that Nick was pulled out of his thoughts, aware that Seiji was unsettled. “I’m sorry.” Nick took a minute to process that, and stared blankly at Seiji until he did. Once it clicked, he was surprised.
“Why are you apologizing to me?” Nick asked, a burst of laughter chasing away his surprise.
“I don’t know,” Seiji snapped, a definite pinkness about his face. “You seemed mad.”
“I’m not,” Nick said, and his laughter gave way to fresh surprise. “Not at you, anyway.” Nick was amazed that Seiji had cared enough about Nick’s mood that he’d worried he’d caused it. And that he’d tried to apologize for it, assuming he’d done something to upset Nick. It made a weird tingly feeling rise up in his stomach. “That guy you beat from Mountain Heights? I don’t like him.” It was unfair to dislike him, Nick knew, since he’d practically been him a year ago. But he couldn’t help it. “I’m glad he couldn’t score a single point on you,” it came out more savagely than he’d intended. Seiji, for his part, didn’t even point out that Nick hadn’t been able to land a single point on him their first match, either. Nick counted that as progress.
Seiji toweled off his hair, fresh from a shower. Nick tried not to take notice of it. Especially how Seiji’s nightshirt wasn’t buttoned all the way to the top, exposing too much skin for Nick’s sanity. It was happening a lot lately—the urge to stand a little closer to Seiji than he needed to, the way his eyes would dart to any sliver of skin Seiji’s shifting shirt failed to cover. It was a side effect of befriending Seiji that Nick couldn’t have anticipated. He was starting to really like being Seiji’s number one friend. A dangerous amount.
Seiji looked at Nick, and he was sure he was caught, but Seiji was completely unaware of either his own sex appeal or of Nick’s awareness of it. But only in a friend way, Nick thought. He wasn’t dumb enough to like Seiji Katayama. He just liked having him as a friend. And he wasn’t above noticing his friends’ attractiveness, from time to time. Seiji opened his mouth, as if to speak, then closed it again, a look of consternation on his face. It was unlike Seiji to be lost for words. He usually dealt them out with deadly precision.
“What’s up?” Nick asked.
“It’s nothing,” Seiji said, disappearing into the bathroom to hang up his towel.
“It’s not,” Nick stood and sauntered over to lean against the wall on Seiji’s side of the room. “What were you going to say?”
“I changed my mind,” Seiji said, and that, at least, Nick believed.
“I want to hear it anyway,” he pushed, unwilling to sweep this under the rug. He was curious about this thing that had Seiji speechless.
“It’s stupid,” Seiji said, flushing ever so slightly. Now Nick was really intrigued.
“I won’t laugh,” Nick said, serious. Seiji considered him for a long moment before relenting.
“I…like someone,” he admitted, a little quiet and a little hesitant. Nick had not been expecting that. He felt strangely as if the world had flipped.
“Oh?” Was all he said. True to his word, he didn’t laugh. Seiji liking someone? It wasn’t something to laugh about, even though, as far as Nick was concerned, it was an absurd idea. “Who is it?” He asked, desperate to know, but scared, too. He couldn’t understand why.
“None of your business,” Seiji said swiftly, cheeks pink and scowl in place.
“Fine,” Nick tried not to let it show, the sting he felt at Seiji’s refusal to tell him who he liked. “You must really like them,” he commented idly, sweeping over Seiji’s flushed face again.
“I don’t,” Seiji snapped, and Nick had to hold in a laugh.
“Bullshit,” Nick said. “You do.”
“I don’t know what to do about it.” Seiji said, a little defensively. Ah, Nick thought, that’s why he’s telling me.
“You want me to help you?” He couldn’t deny the warmth he felt at the thought of it. Seiji coming to him for help. Like this friendship wasn’t oneway.
“I guess,” Seiji shrugged.
“Well, there’s a couple approaches,” Nick started. “You can be subtle about it, just hang around them and feel out the situation. You could straight up ask them out. Or you could go for the classic confession.”
“I see,” Seiji said, though he had a certain look of panic in his eye. Nick was almost positive he’d never pursued anyone before.
“This person,” Nick asked, cautiously, “are they a guy?” Seiji looked at him in alarm, and Nick hurried to explain. “It’s just that, well, that adds another layer to it, you know? Like, you gotta find out if he’s even interested in guys. That’d be the first step. If they are a boy.”
“What about you?” Seiji deflected.
“What about me?” Nick asked.
“Do you like boys?”
“I mean, yeah,” Nick said. He should have expected Seiji to be private about this. Coming out probably wasn’t something Seiji did often—assuming he even had something to come out about. “I like everyone.” Nick had never been shy about his sexuality, and had no problem telling it to Seiji now.
“I only,” Seiji started. Stopped. Tried again. “I’m gay. So, yes, he’s a boy.” Nick nodded. That made sense. It would have been his guess, if he’d thought about it in more than passing.
“So,” Nick pulled on a carefully teasing smile, “tell me about him.”
“I told you. It’s none of your business.”
“But you’re telling me, so you’re making it my business.”
“I’ll stop,” Seiji said, pressing his lips together.
“Don’t be like that. I’m not asking for a name,” Nick reassured. “Just give me something. Like, is he a fencer?”
Seiji considered the question before deeming it safe.“Yes.”
“Is he good?”
A pause. “Not as good as I am.”
“That could be anyone, then. Except, I guess, Jesse Coste.”
“I’m better than Jesse,” Seiji snapped, eyes flashing. “You’ll see.”
A sinking feeling hit Nick as he realized that the subject of Seiji’s crush was none other than his perfect half-brother, Jesse Coste. He tried not to show his disappointment. It was just so unfair that Jesse got everything. Everything from a loving father to Seiji’s affections.
“Yeah,” Nick said weakly. “I’m sure you are.”
“After I know if he likes boys,” Seiji said, missing Nick’s change in mood. “What do I do next?”
“Huh? Oh, um, that really depends on you. Like I was saying, there’s lots of ways to go about it.”
“Which one will work?”
Finally, Nick did laugh. “It’s not a guaranteed thing, Seiji. Sometimes you like someone and they just don’t like you back.”
Nick watched Seiji carefully the next week, trying to find a hint of courting. But he couldn’t spot a thing. Seiji talked only briefly and curtly with the guys at lunch and practice, and other than that, the only person he was ever with was Nick himself. It only further confirmed his suspicion: Seiji had a crush on Jesse. He just wasn’t here for Seiji to woo. It was humorous, really, to think of Seiji doing such things as courting or wooing, but he’d seemed serious when asking Nick for advice.
“I’ve got a doctor’s appointment today,” Seiji told Nick as they cleared their trays. “So I won’t see you until fencing, after school.”
“Are you okay?” Nick asked, worried.
“Fine. Just a physical,” Seiji sighed. “My personal coach insists I go in every three months for routine checkups.”
“Sounds strict. Well, have fun ditching history and English, you crazy kid,” Nick bid him farewell as he hurried off to their next class. It was lonelier than he’d admit without Seiji there. He seriously didn’t know how he’d managed to survive before he'd bullied Seiji into being his friend.
That night, after practice, Nick dragged Seiji out to grab smoothies—one of the only places that Seiji would actually eat something at. His diet was as strict as his training regime and quarter yearly checkups. But smoothies Seiji could do. He ordered the kind with kale and other green bullshit. Nick, a man of reason and good taste, had a berry blast.
“That looks awful,” Nick wrinkled his nose at Seiji’s green gloop, and Seiji just looked down his nose at him.
“Your tastebuds are ruined by all the junk you eat,” Seiji said, and Nick shrugged, sitting down in a corner booth and pulling Seiji in with him.
“Maybe. Hey, let me try a sip,” he reached for Seiji’s smoothie and Seiji yielded it to him easily. Nick took a long drink from the straw, which made Seiji color, probably at the indignity of sharing germs. Nick just grinned, sliding the drink back to Seiji. “It’s not so bad,” he conceded. “Six out of ten, would drink again. Wouldn’t get it myself though.”
“So there’s a sixty percent chance you’ll steal more of mine in the future?” Seiji clarified and Nick laughed.
“Exactly. You know, Seiji, you really get me.” Seiji just ducked his head and took a sip of his healthy concoction. Something occurred to Nick just then. “Hey, remember how I beat Aiden after he beat you?”
“I do,” Seiji said, scowling.
“And it was like I indirectly beat you? Well, now I’ve just indirectly kissed you too.” Nick pointed at the straw of Seiji’s smoothie. Seiji went instantly red. Nick laughed. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell anyone.”
“Why would I—you say the stupidest things sometimes.” Seiji seemed so flustered that Nick didn’t even tell him off for that.
Nick managed to keep Seiji in the smoothie shop for half an hour before he insisted they go back to school.
“I’ve got homework,” Seiji said, “And you need to study for the math test tomorrow.”
“There’s a math test tomorrow?” Seiji stared at him, a little horrified. “I’m kidding! I know there’s a math test. I just don’t know that I’ll study for it.”
“You should,” Seiji insisted. “You did poorly on the last one.”
“Fine,” Nick said as they reached their room. “I’ll study.”
But it only took twenty minutes before Nick’s mind started drifting. He glanced at Seiji, using the desk at the foot of Nick’s bed, while Nick sat cross legged at the head of his bed.
“How’s your mystery boy?” Nick asked and Seiji stiffened.
“Fine,” Seiji said, then continued on his work.
“No progress, then?”
“I can’t tell.”
“Oh?” Nick’s interest was piqued. “Like how?”
“I know he likes boys,” Seiji said carefully. “But I can’t tell if he likes me.”
“Hey, you got the first step down! That’s definitely progress.” Nick wondered when and how Seiji had found out that Jesse was interested in guys. And…“What kind of stuff is he doing?” Nick wondered.
“Sorry?”
“What’s he doing that’s making you think he might like you, and what’s counteracting it?”
“It’s…” Seiji took a deep breath, put down his pencil, and ran a hand through his hair. “I’ll catch him watching me, sometimes.”
“That’s a good sign,” for Seiji, at least.
“And he seems to put more effort into spending time with me than his other friends.” Nick was troubled at the implication that Seiji and Jesse were friends. “And he says things.”
“Things?”
“Things that almost seem like…I’m not sure.” Seiji shook his head, cheeks solidly red.
“Okay?” Nick wanted to punch Jesse, just thinking about what things he could be saying to get Seiji to blush like that. “It seems like he probably likes you.” He hated to say it, but he was determined to be a good friend.
“No, I wouldn’t say that,” Seiji said, eyes fixed steadily on Nick.
“Why?”
“He’s just like that. Affectionate, I guess? And the things he says are almost jokes. And he’s watched me before. Before any of this.”
“Maybe he liked you before.” Nick was getting a little irritated, making excuses for Jesse to comfort Seiji. But he tried not to show it.
“I don’t think so. He used to hate me.” That added up with what Nick had assumed about Seiji and Jesse’s relationship. “I don’t think he does anymore, though.”
“Then I guess you’ll just have to confess,” Nick said, irritation finally peeking its ugly face through his words.
“What if he doesn’t want to be friends anymore?” Seiji asked, so small that it made Nick’s heart squeeze tight and all his anger was gone just like that.
“He will,” Nick said gently. “And if he doesn’t, then he’s an idiot. And, I know it’s not much of a consolation, but you’ll still have me. No matter what.” Seiji stared at him, then seemed to make up his mind about something. There was a sudden sense of purpose in his eyes.
“Nicholas,” Seiji said, so serious and sincere that it made Nick’s heart pound. “I really…wish you weren’t so dense.”
“That’s being rude again, Seiji,” Nick pointed out, though he was hardly offended by the statement. Seiji had said much worse, after all. He only wondered what he was supposed to have been dense about now. In any case, his heart had returned to its typical rate.
“No,” Seiji crossed his arms defensively. “You’re being rude.”
“How?” Nick was honestly surprised, and a little upset by the accusation. “I’ve been a good friend, haven’t I? And I’m even trying to help you with your stupid crush!”
“My crush certainly is stupid.” Seiji spat, standing abruptly and pacing.
“What do you want me to do?” Nick asked, a little sharp, watching Seiji.
“I want you to stop being so stupid.”
“So you’ve said,” Nick bounded off his bed to join Seiji in standing, hands on his hips and ready for a fight.
“It’s you!” Seiji shouted, then stopped in his pacing and looked at Nick with panic, like he hadn’t meant the words to escape. Quieter, but with a bitter undertone, “I like you.”
Nick didn’t mean for it to happen. Didn’t want it or give any sort of permission for it. But he felt tears well up in his eyes and before he could stop them, or hide them, or blot them away, they spilled over and down his cheeks. Undeniable and mortifying.
“What are you doing?” Seiji demanded, looking more alarmed even than Nick. “Stop that.” Seiji looked so completely desperate and panicked in that moment that Nick laughed, even as new tears splashed down onto his shirt.
“I’m sorry,” Nick said, and Seiji seemed to shrink away, as if hit. “I just was surprised,” Nick fumbled. “That you’d like me. I thought—shit, never mind what I thought.”
“You’re crying again,” Seiji said, stating the obvious. Nick would be embarrassed by this if the reality weren’t so much more embarrassing than the observation. “I wasn’t trying to…”
“I know,” Nick said, trying to get his tears under control so he could say what he needed to.
“I’m sorry, I said something wrong again, didn’t I?” Seiji looked at Nick like he was afraid he’d broken him. It just made Nick want to cry harder.
“No, you didn’t. You really, really didn’t. I’m not crying because I’m upset,” Nick laughed again. “I’ve never been a happy crier, but here I am,” he wiped at his tears with his sleeves, willing them to stop. They’d slowed, at least.
“You’re…happy?” Seiji asked tentatively.
“Yeah,” Nick told him with a grin. “Really happy.”
“You’re very confusing,” Seiji said, eyebrows still furrowed as if in concentration.
“I know,” Nick said, eyes finally clear. He stepped up to Seiji and took his hand lightly. “I’m sorry.”
“You should be.”
“I’m glad it’s me that you like,” Nick pulled Seiji to him and hugged him, which went about as he’d have expected. Seiji tensed, then floundered, unsure what to do with this new situation, then awkwardly wrapped his arms around Nick, returning the embrace. Nick had been so scared that someone else would get to monopolize Seiji, that he’d no longer be the most important person to Seiji. He’d been furious at Jesse for getting everything. But now…Jesse could have all the riches and medals and fatherly love he wanted and Nick didn’t care. Because Nick had better than that. He had Seiji.
“Tell me,” Seiji said, still a little tentative. Like he thought he might make Nick cry again…or maybe like he was worried Nick would say something to hurt him instead. “How do you feel about me?”
“I like you,” Nick said into Seiji’s shoulder. And he couldn’t believe he hadn’t noticed it sooner. Seiji was right, it had been rude of him to be so hopelessly dense. He reluctantly pulled his head from its place on Seiji’s shoulder and found his eyes instead. “I definitely like you.”
“And you’re done crying now?”
“Yeah, I’m done. But remember, since you made me cry, you’ve got to be nice to me.”
“It’s not my fault you keep leaking emotions,” Seiji sniffed indignantly.
“Be nice.”
“Fine. What do you want?”
“A kiss. Can I take one?” Nick raked his fingers down Seiji’s back at the same time as the request and Seiji startled. His hand darted to Nick’s, at his back, as if to tug it away, but he must have decided agains it, because, in the end, he brought the arm back to Nick’s shoulder.
“You can’t kiss me,” Seiji said. “We’re not even dating. You can’t just disregard the proper order of things like that.”
“If you say so,” Nick said, but wrapped his arms a little tighter around Seiji. “Then, will you date me?”
“Obviously. Don’t be stupid.”
“But you just said—whatever. We’re dating. Now can I kiss you?”
“No,” Seiji said, like it was the obvious answer. “That’s still out of order. We haven’t gone on a date.”
“What if we pretended getting smoothies was a date?” Nick persisted.
“You can’t pretend that, it’s not true. And I don’t kiss on the first date, it’s improper.”
“Fine,” Nick couldn’t even be annoyed, it was so ludicrous. “How many real, actual dates do we need to go on before I can kiss you?”
“Five,” Seiji said decisively. Nick finally released him from the hug, and he couldn’t tell whether Seiji was relieved or disappointed. It was painfully cute, either way. “Five dates seems an appropriate number, don’t you think?”
“Sure, if you say so,” Nick shrugged. If he could manage to drag Seiji out each night for a date, he’d have to wait a minimum of five days for a kiss. He could do that. Of course, Nick thought, eyeing Seiji, it was difficult to persuade him to be social more than twice a week.
As Seiji sat back down to finish his homework like the incredible dork he was, he glanced over at Nick and blushed anew. “I changed my mind. Three dates will be sufficient.”
Nick would have thought it would be hard to focus during this date, with the promise of a kiss looming at the end of it. But he was wrong. Even with the warm knowledge that tonight he’d finally get to kiss Seiji, he enjoyed every second of the actual date. It was a simple trip to the mall, as Seiji had needed to buy new socks. But when he’d invited Nick along, and Nick had jokingly asked if it would count as their third date, Seiji had agreed that it could.
Walking through the mall with Seiji’s hand in his was a bigger thrill than he’d expected. He detoured them to every half interesting store that caught his eye, spent forty minutes in a fancy clothes store as Seiji picked out socks and a new belt—it was, he’d been told, a process—and now sat in the comics section of a bookstore while Seiji looked around all the grown up sections.
Nick peered up as Seiji returned to the aisle he sat in. He had a massive book in his hands, and, to Nick's surprise and delight, sunk down on the floor to sit next to him. He carefully arranged his shopping bag—as fancy as the store it was from had been—beside him, then settled in and started reading.
“You like high fantasy?” Nick teased, recognizing, if not the specific cover, than the genre of it. “Nerd.”
“You accuse me of being mean, and yet you say rude things to me all the time.”
“Yeah, but I say them with affection.” Nick pulled Seiji’s head to him and planted a kiss into his soft hair, as if to prove his point. Seiji blushed red, but didn’t stop him from leaning into his side after. They read, leaning against each other, on the floor in the comics section for a long time before Nick got restless. Seiji bought the book he’d been reading. Nick bought none of the comics he’d read. What was the point, he reasoned, he’d already read them.
As soon as they were out of the bookstore, Nick’s eyes lit up, having spotted their next stop. He dragged Seiji into the little shop and ordered a white peach bubble tea for them to share. Seiji eyed the drink dubiously, but accepted a sip when Nick offered it.
“Another indirect kiss,” he announced happily, which made Seiji splutter and cough.
“That’s awful,” Seiji said.
“What, the kiss or the tea?”
“Both.” Nick just laughed at this and took another sip. He liked it.
And despite the fact that Seiji had said he didn’t like the bubble tea, he kept reaching across Nick to maneuver the straw back over to his mouth. He didn’t even just take the damn cup, but took Nick’s hand holding the cup and took a sip from it before releasing him. Like that made it less incriminating somehow. Nick loved it.
“We should head back,” Seiji said, glancing at his watch. Nick nodded, and they bussed back to Kings Row, Seiji falling asleep on Nick’s shoulder and dropping his bags to the ground with a clatter. Nick scooped them up and looped them through his arm, still holding his bubble tea. With the other hand, he played with Seiji’s hair absently. When it was their stop, he jostled Seiji awake and the two made it back to their room with plenty of time to spare.
Nick set Seiji’s stuff down by his bed, knowing better than to throw it anywhere like he would have his own things. Seiji was still at the door, watching Nick almost curiously.
“What?” Nick asked, but Seiji just shook his head. Seeing Seiji against that door made Nick laugh a little. “Remember when I locked you out?”
“Yes,” Seiji bristled. “I should have reported you to Coach Williams.”
“And risked suicides for roommate drama? You made the right choice.”
“I don’t understand you at all,” Seiji said. “You hated me and locked me out of the room, but decided to be my friend, albeit against my will, that same night.”
“I’m just a friendly sort of person.”
“No, you’re more like a big, dumb dog.”
“Thanks, Princess,” Nick said, almost nose to nose with Seiji now. When had that happened? He wasn’t exactly sure. “But you’re the real mystery. You couldn’t stand me,” he laced his fingers through Seiji’s, “then, suddenly, you like me. That’s what’s really crazy.” He didn’t give Seiji any time to answer, though. He’d waited a week, which wasn’t a lot, but that was only counting the time he’d known he’d been waiting. And the kiss he got from Seiji? Worth every second of wait and more.
“Nick,” Seiji sighed into his mouth, and Nick’s stomach flipped with desire. He nudged Seiji, guiding him a couple steps back until he was pressed up against the door. Seiji let his bodyweight fall entirely against the door, and pulled Nick along with him, free hand at the back of Nick’s head and fingers tangling in his hair. Nick kissed Seiji’s mouth open and heard his own low groan, which Seiji responded to with an incredibly hot moan. Nick redoubled his efforts, and Seiji seemed to do the same.
“If you’d liked anyone else,” Nick said when Seiji turned his face away from Nick, presumably to gulp down air. “I don’t think I could have stood it.”
“You’re so stupid,” Seiji said and Nick nipped at his neck for that. “You are,” he insisted. “Who else would I have liked?” Nick considered telling Seiji his earlier suspicion, but didn’t want to say that name while he had Seiji pinned to a door. So he didn’t.
“I’m just glad, that’s all.” Nick said, kissing Seiji again, and delighting in the exasperated—but pleased—sound that Seiji made. Forcing friendship on Seiji had been a really good idea. Possibly, Nick thought, one of his very best ideas.