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With a deep sigh, Violet fell back on her bed. She laid there, staring up at the ceiling. Seconds ticked by, the hollow sound accompanying her thoughts… and doubts.
“What am I gonna do?”
The whispered question echoed quietly, returning no answer. She hadn’t been expecting one, but it would’ve been nice. Some guidance. There was only one person she could talk to about what was bothering her right now.
Swallowing her pride, she grabbed her phone and dove straight into her messages with Louis.
Violet: Lou
Louis: you messaging me first
Louis: thats worrying
Louis: whats up?
What a question. How could she even hope to put it into words?
Violet: ugh i dont even know
Louis: liar
Louis: its about clem
Louis: isnt it
Louis: everything is :D
Many people thought Louis was stupid. They couldn’t be further from the truth. Anyone would know that if they gave him the chance.
Violet: yeah
Louis: not even putting up a fight
Louis: this is serious
Louis: i have homework to avoid
Louis: sooooooo
Louis: tell me all your problems
Louis: Dr. Lou is in the house
Without fail, he was always there when she needed him. She still wasn’t completely used to that yet. Even after all these years.
Violet: i just…
Violet: does she even like me?
There was a long pause. Well, a few seconds, a moment to compose his thoughts most likely, but it felt much much longer.
Louis: Vi
Louis: no offense
Louis: but that is the stupidest question youve ever asked
Louis: maybe the stupidest question anyone has ever asked
Louis: in the whole history of humanity
Violet rolled her eyes, but she knew he was right. Maybe… She hated feeling like this, the persistent unease. For once, she wanted to be certain. To feel like everything she knew and loved was stable. That it wasn’t about to crumble around her at any given moment, leaving her with nothing. To be confident in herself.
Violet: alright, i get it
Louis: dramatics aside
Louis: she does
She frowned at the vague answer.
Violet: yeah but
Violet: as a friend?
Louis: we both know that aint the real question here
Louis: No fooling me
Sometimes, it felt like he could read her mind. Or maybe she was just too obvious. Either way, it was a scary thought. Letting people in, showing them her vulnerable side, was terrifying. She trusted Louis enough to allow it, well… he’d forced his way in and no matter what she did he made it clear he was here to stay.
Violet: ugh
Violet: i hate it when you call me out…
Louis: gurl
Louis: if i dont
Louis: who will?
Louis: it is the burden i must bear
Louis: i only do it out of love
While she didn’t doubt it was mostly out of concern, he enjoyed stuff like this way too much.
Violet: somehow i doubt that
Louis: you wound me
Louis: getting the chance to tease you is a mere benefit
Louis: :p
That actually made her laugh, weak but a definite laugh. His methods could be so clumsy. Maybe that’s part of why she respected him so much. He wasn’t afraid to be a total idiot, to make mistakes. Not many people wanted to show that side of themselves.
Louis: why dont you write out how you feel?
Louis: you dont have to send it
Louis: keeping it in your head isn’t healthy
Louis: ooo idea!
Louis: you can pretend i’m clem
Louis: if it helps
Louis: i can even give you tips!
Louis: you know some people call me Cassalouva
She used to find his attempts at humor genuinely frustrating and annoying. Now? Not so much. They were actually welcomed at times like these.
Violet: no they dont
Louis: i just did
Louis: so its official
Louis: the world will see it soon enough
Louis: sooooo
She thought about that for a moment. Again, he was right. These unresolved and confusing feelings had been eating away at her for some time. Eventually, something had to give. Gathering her thoughts, she sighed heavily.
Violet: uh okay
Violet: gimme a sec
Even if it was just Louis on the other end, she still felt nervous. Maybe because she’d tried to ignore how she felt until now, locked all feelings away to protect herself. If she admitted them aloud, they would be inescapably real.
It wasn’t too late to jump ship… no, it was. Far too late.
Just as she was about to start typing, to pour her heart out, another message caught her attention.
Clem: omg
Clem: look at this!
Clem: Lee took AJ and me to the park earlier
Clem: didn’t know Marlon had a dog
Clem: but she’s cute!!!
Moments later, a picture popped up on screen. Clem was crouched down, giving the American Bully a hesitant pet. This was followed by another… and another and another. Playing fetch, AJ running after the dog, more pets. It was enough to give Violet a break from her anxious thoughts.
“Yeah, she is,” she muttered to herself, fixating on the photos with Clementine in.
Clem: AJ wants a dog now
Clem: i think Lee might give in :o
Violet: damn
Violet: what kind?
Clem: not sure
Clem: hmmm
Her chat with Louis blew up, reminding her that she had left him hanging.
Louis: Vi?
Louis: you still there?
Louis: Hellooooo
Violet: yeah still here
Violet: sorry got distracted
Her original problem came to mind once more, making her nervous again.
Violet: um
Violet: shit lou
Violet: i dont think i can do this
Louis: Vi you are many things
Louis: a chicken is not one of them
Louis: or that would make you a serious cannibal
Louis: you know your chicken nugget obsession
Before she could reply to that, Clementine sent a longer message.
Clem: i was thinking something big, not too big. Energetic, enough to give AJ a run for his money. Fluffy as heck, of course. Otherwise, whats the point XD i think we’ll probably go to a pound and see what they have. Oh and try not to leave with half the shelter, of course
Violet: whatever you get, they’ll be a lucky dog
Clem: you bet
Another ping told her Louis had sent something. This was starting to overwhelm her.
Louis: i dont want to push you before youre ready
Louis: but i also dont want you to panic
Louis: you know make this more complicated than it is
Louis: because its not complicated
Easy for him to say. He wasn’t the one freaking out over this. Clementine messaging her now was not helping. At all.
Clem: do you wanna come with me when we go?
Violet: yeah
Violet: thatd be awesome
She didn’t want to shut Clem out, or make it seem like she wasn’t interested. She definitely was. This was all just… so much. Switching back to Louis, she typed quickly.
Violet: i dont want to mess this up
Louis: you wont
Louis: trust me
Trust was a really hard thing for her these days. It had cost her. Dearly. She was tired of keeping everyone at arm’s length, though. She wanted people to get close, to let herself fall deeply for someone.
For Clementine.
Clementine: next saturday good for you?
Taking a deep breath, she tried to put her feelings into words. She needed all the help she could get. If Louis was willing to do that, she would gladly take him up on that offer.
Violet: i just
Violet: ugh
Violet: i love her, okay?
Violet: idk how to say it
Violet: or even if i can
Suddenly, her fingers stopped mid-sentence. Her stomach dropped, like she was on a plummeting roller coaster ride with no control, chest pounding with dread. Eyes widening, she stared at the string of messages she just sent.
She was in the wrong chat. She had sent that to Clem. And it was too late to delete it.
It took a few seconds for her to respond. Violet could feel her heart in her throat.
Clementine: wrong chat?
She must be so damn confused. Violet could brush it off, come up with a million different excuses. She would probably accept them, whether she’d believe them was another thing.
Violet: no
Violet: right chat, actually
Violet: but wrong words
Violet: can i
Violet: come over?
Violet: if youre not busy
Violet: or even want me to
Clementine: i always have time for you, Vi
Violet’s heart jumped with hope. Maybe she was reading too much into it, maybe Clementine was genuinely confused by her random message. Her friend really did care, a lot. It didn’t matter now. She had committed.
Violet: okay uh
Violet: gimme like ten minutes?
Clem: ill be waiting
It didn’t take long to get to the Everett house. She had briefed Louis on what happened mere minutes ago. His first reaction was to laugh. Violet couldn’t blame him. After he got that out of his system, he gave her another pep talk and sent her on her way.
Now, it was all up to her.
Approaching the door, she knocked. It didn’t take long for it to open. Clementine stood there, offering a gentle smile. There was something different about it. Or maybe that was wishful thinking. Once inside, they headed up to Clem’s room.
“Lee and AJ went out. You literally just missed them, actually.”
Clementine sat on her bed, patting the space beside her. As she walked across the room, Violet briefly considered pulling up the desk chair. Just to make this a little less nerve-wracking. She decided against it when she looked at Clem, eyes gently coaxing her closer. Swallowing her fear, she sat down on the bed. Her knee lightly bumped against Clem’s, making her tense. This had been hard enough before.
“You’re shaking. Is everything okay?”
The question snapped her back to reality.
“No. I mean, yes. I-”
She didn’t get to finish that sentence, Clementine pulling her in for a tight hug. Her body moved before she could overthink this, wrapping her arms around Clem too. This felt good, right.
“That message you sent…”
Violet could feel the anxiety bubble up inside. Please don’t hate me.
“You said… it was for the right chat. Which means…” Clementine hesitated, voice wavering with uncertainty. “If it meant what I think it means then…” Her grip tightened. “I… love you, Vi.”
The whispered words sent shivers down Violet’s spine, brain short-circuiting.
“You do?” she somehow managed, weak yet hopeful.
When Violet tried to pull away, so she could see Clem’s face, the other girl held her tighter. “Yeah, I have for a while now. Maybe I’m assuming too much, maybe you didn’t even mean me, but…”
Gently, Violet detached herself from the almost bone-crushing hug. Clementine let her this time, averting her gaze. It hurt Vi’s heart to see her so downtrodden.
“Clem, I…” Now was not the time to let nerves get the better of her. “I meant you. I sent those messages by accident, they were uh… supposed to be for Louis, but… I’m glad.”
“Louis?”
“Yeah, he said he’d help me. You might’ve already guessed but I’m not great with words. Especially putting my feelings into words.”
Understatement of the century.
“Sometimes, you don’t need words.” Clementine smiled softly, putting a hand on her cheek.
Violet didn’t move a muscle, frozen to the spot. When Clem leaned in, lips brushing against hers, she didn’t even try to move away. In the aftermath, all she could manage was a watery smile, tears streaming down her cheeks. Clementine looked panic until Violet hugged her again. They both laid back on the bed, snuggled up close.
Once Violet had finally calmed down, she wiped her face on her sleeve and pressed her lips against Clem’s cheek. “I l-love you too.”
She could feel her eyes growing heavy, the weight on her shoulders fading away as she fell asleep in Clementine’s arms.
Clementine watched Violet’s eyelids close, body relaxing. It looked like she hadn’t slept much recently, maybe worrying about all this? Based on her reaction, she’d been sitting on those feelings for a while.
If only Clem had been braver, she could’ve saved Vi all the stress. And herself.
A soft buzz filled the air, coming from Violet’s pocket. Curious, Clementine carefully took her phone out and checked. Just in case it was something serious.
Louis: VIIIIII
Louis: tell me
Louis: what happened?
Louis: you okay??
Louis: ???
Louis: ????
He wouldn’t stop this spam any time soon. Experience had taught her that. She would use her own phone, but it was over on the desk and she didn’t want to wake Violet. All she had to do was resist the overwhelming urge to scroll through the messages. Harder than it sounded.
Lining up the camera, she took a slightly blurry photo and sent it to Louis.
Violet: she’s fine
Violet: as you can see
Louis: holy crap, clem!
Louis: this is perfect blackmail material
Louis: also my new phone background >:)
Clementine stifled a chuckle, glancing back at the sleeping girl. Now she thought about it, she was pretty tired, too. She couldn’t think of a better snuggle partner.