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Violet let out a soft sigh as she stepped inside her home. She already knew nobody would be there, but that didn’t stop her from calling out.
“I’m home.”
Her greeting echoed off the walls, fading into silence. No answer. At this point, she'd be more startled if someone did say something back. Slowly, her eyes gravitated towards the all too familiar beat-up couch, a deep dip making it sag in the middle. Such a seemingly insignificant thing made her heart feel heavy. Since her dad left, well… got kicked out, things were better. Honestly, she was only surprised it took this long.
She could vaguely remember a time when he'd been a good man, way before the drink warped his personality and twisted his mind. A man who loved his wife and daughter, who worked hard but never neglected them. A man who, no matter what, made time to play all kinds of silly games with her, who encouraged her passions and made her feel loved. A man she had once been proud to call her father.
That was all a distant memory now. Bittersweet nostalgia.
Her mom still had to work a lot, meaning the house was usually empty when she came back. That was the only downside to not seeing her dad passed out - sometimes on the couch, most times on the floor - surrounded by beer bottles. Not that he was ever much company.
But that was okay. She was used to being alone. Or so she told herself.
Checking the fridge, she heated up some leftovers and grabbed an orange soda. An involuntary smile tugged at her lips. The smallest things made her think of Clementine, reminded her that the world wasn't as bleak and hopeless as she'd once thought. So far, she had found it impossible to put into words just how much that girl made her life not only bearable but... enjoyable. A weird thought, really.
The microwave screamed at her, making her jolt; she'd been too caught up in daydreams. Taking her food and soda, she headed upstairs to her room. There was nobody here to tell her not to. One perk.
She sat at her desk, giving her food a stir. Steam erupted from it, definitely hot. Hopefully not just in the middle. Maybe she should try cooking more to avoid… whatever this was. She actually couldn't remember. Shrugging, she plunged her fork in and took a bite. The texture was a little funny, kinda chewy but maybe she'd just left it in too long. That actually made her smile. You would think after all the times she'd used the microwave, she'd have gotten better at judging it. At least it tasted okay, much better than some weird past "meals". The very thought of those culinary disasters made her shudder.
Finishing up her meal, she shoved the bowl to one side and cracked open her soda. She pulled her backpack onto her lap, taking out textbooks and something wrapped in aluminum foil. Smiling, she carefully opened it up. Inside was a slice of cake. Clementine gave it to her before they parted ways for the day, one of Lee’s new baking experiments apparently. Violet almost felt envious, wishing she had someone to cook with. Louis had no idea, his family too “proud and respectable” to make food for themselves.
Maybe Clem would if she asked?
Knowing she would probably hardcore chicken out if she ever tried to ask, she sighed. Instead, she wrapped the cake back up. She rolled her shoulders, turned on her go-to playlist - one Clementine had made them - and got to work. She found herself humming along, a little distracted. Tapping her pen on the desk, she let her mind wander back to when Clem first showed it to her.
"I made you something. It’s sorta stupid but…”
“If it’s from you, it isn’t stupid," Violet stated confidently, cutting her off. No way was she about to let Clem talk herself down.
Clementine visibly relaxed, managing a nervous smile as she unlocked her phone. Curious, Violet shuffled closer to her, waiting patiently. It was strange seeing her like this. Usually, Clem was so sure of herself. Violet had noticed a pattern of wavering confidence when they were both alone.
Maybe, just maybe...
“When I said I made you something, that wasn’t completely true. I made us something.” She offered her phone up.
Peering at the screen, Violet felt her heart melt instantly. Stunned, she scrolled through the music playlist, titled Violets Aren’t Blue, Not With You. There were about ten songs on there, some she recognized. Her fingers shook slightly as she stared at them, over and over again. She seriously started to doubt if this was really happening.
"I thought we could share music and stuff. I’ve added some tracks already, to get it started, you know. Uh, if there are any you don't like then..." Clementine's rambled sentence was swallowed up by silence as she looked at Violet, tentative.
“Clem, I…” She could feel tears stinging at her eyes, voice wavering.
This was the single most beautiful and thoughtful gift anyone had ever given her. The chance to make something together, another way to let their lives collide and intertwine. Wanting to hide the oncoming waterworks, Violet gathered Clementine up in a big hug. She buried her head into the other girl’s shoulder, never close enough. It only took a second for the hug to be returned, arms wrapped tightly around her.
She felt so loved and safe at that moment. She always did with Clementine.
Letting the memory fade away, she focused back on her homework. The quicker she could get it done, the better. No more daydreaming. Clem would probably want to call her later. They’d both been so busy recently. Life just wouldn't let them catch a break. Powering through, Violet managed to get all her work done just as nine o’clock rolled around. Exhaling deeply, she cracked her knuckles.
“Phew. Time for cake, I think.”
Carefully unwrapping Lee’s cake again, she took a small bite. It was the best cake she had ever tasted, so chocolatey and light. She savored every last mouthful. Just as she was licking her fingers clean - there was no way she was about to waste even a single crumb - her phone vibrated. Unlocking it, and taking a moment to stare at the picture of her and Clem currently set as the background, she checked the new messages.
Clem: Vi!
Clem: You free to talk?
Silly question. She always had time for Clem.
Vi: you bet
Vi: its clementime
Vi: as Lou likes saying
Clem: XD dont remind me
Even though she knew it was coming, the call made her jump. She accepted it quickly, heart skipping a beat when Clementine’s smiling face came into view. It looked like she was already in bed, tucked in. All Violet could think about at that moment was how pretty her friend was. No wonder so many people crushed on her.
On instinct, Vi smiled back. It was probably goofy as hell, but she didn’t care. “Hey there, stranger.”
Clementine’s face dropped for a second, a little guilty before she bounced back. “Sorry it’s been so long.”
Shrugging, Violet moved over to her own bed and got comfortable. “I mean, we literally talked a couple hours ago. I think I can forgive you.”
“That’s not enough, Vi. And it’s mostly my fault.”
“School’s been rough on us both.” Not seeing Clementine much did bother her, a lot more than she wanted to admit even to herself, but she didn’t want to hijack all her free time. Well, that wasn't technically true, but it wouldn't be fair. “More time with you would be awesome, though.”
“Maybe you can come round my house more,” Clem suggested excitedly. “We can help each other do our homework and study. Oh, and chill out, of course.”
“I’d like that.”
Clementine’s smile was dazzling, as bright as twinkling stars. Violet’s heart ached, wishing she was here. There would never be enough hugs.
“Oh yeah. How was the cake? Lee was dying to know. So was AJ, since he helped.”
“Amazing. Best cake I’ve ever eaten. No question.”
“You’ve done it now. Lee’ll keep using you as a test subject for his recipes.”
“I’m more than okay with that.” There was no such thing as too much cake.
Chuckling, Clementine rested her head on her pillow. “Maybe next time you come over, we can all bake a cake or something together?”
A warm feeling spread throughout Violet’s body, starting from her heart. If she kept smiling like this, her cheeks would start hurting.
“That… would be the best.”
“Lee is always looking for new apprentices. And I know for a fact that AJ likes it when you're here,” Clem paused for a moment, offering a softer smile. Her voice was little more than a whisper. “So do I.”
Violet had to suppress the squeal of delight that threatened to escape her lungs, turning her head away slightly. That would be waaaaay too embarrassing. Whenever she even looked at Clementine, her heart felt like it was about to explode. After years of feeling… not much at all, it was an intense yet pleasant change of pace. A warm light shining in a once unforgiving and endless void, giving her hope.
How had she ever coped without Clementine here?
Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm herself down. She might give too much away, otherwise. Finally, she found the courage to glance back. When she did, something didn’t seem right. Too quiet.
“Clem?”
When Violet focused on the screen again, she realized Clementine had fallen asleep. She looked so peaceful, eyelashes fluttering faintly at the sound of her own voice. God, she was just too much sometimes. Vi didn't have the heart to wake her and she sure as heck couldn't feel mad about their time together getting cut short over this.
“You shouldn’t work yourself so hard, dummy.”
Clementine always took on so much, too much really, barely leaving any time for herself. Between school work, baseball practice and people demanding her attention, she was a very busy girl. Violet wished she could take her to some remote island, away from all the noise and stress.
Maybe one day.
Just as she was about to sign off - it would probably be weird if she didn’t - she heard Clem muttering to herself in her sleep. That made her pause. Maybe she could wait just a minute or two. Resting her head on her hand, she watched her friend curl up. If only she could snuggle up close to her now. Tell her everything she felt, show it. She could right now. The telling part, anyway. Clem wouldn’t even know, it could be good practice.
“I…” Violet hesitated, hugging herself as she shook from nerves. “I love you, Clem.”
“...love you too…”
Vi froze up, staring at the screen. She had not expected that. Her mind went into panic mode, relaxing slightly when Clementine’s eyes didn’t open. It seemed like she was still asleep. Hopefully. The real question… had she been awake enough to hear, or was it just sleep talking? Yeah, probably the latter. Maybe? Feeling her cheeks heat up, Violet disconnected the call and immediately switched over to her chat with Louis.
Violet: Lou
Louis: yeeeeeees?
Violet: holy shit, i think...
Violet: i was on a call with clem
Violet: she fell asleep
Violet: i…
Violet: i said i loved her
Violet: it just came out
Violet: i dont know if she heard
Violet: but she said “love you too”
Violet: did she hear?
Violet: ????
Intense spam messaging was normally Louis’ thing, but it was the only possible way to communicate how she felt right now. A total mess of confusing emotions.
Louis: oh my god, Vi.
Louis: you are sooooo gay
Louis: like, super gay for Clem
Violet: That’s her damn fault for being so cute and ugh…
Louis: Can’t argue there
Louis: So, whatcha gonna do?
The question hit her like a sucker punch.
Violet: What do you mean what am i gonna do?
Violet: What CAN i do?!?!”
Violet: i cant just tell her
Violet: again
Violet: maybe i heard her wrong or… or
Fear rising, Violet took her frustration out on her poor phone, slamming her thumbs against the keypad.
Violet: ahjdfhdlfjkhsas
It helped a little.
Louis: okay vi
Louis: deep breaths
Louis: you gotta just go for it eventually
Violet: but… that might ruin everything
Louis: or it might make things better
Louis: see? Optimism!
Violet: i don’t know…
She had been struggling with this for a while now. Clementine was so damn special to her and she didn’t want to risk making things awkward. Her friendship meant more than anything. She didn’t want to lose that. Ever.
Louis: Vi
Louis: Vi
Louis: Vi
Louis: Violet
Louis: Violet
She huffed loudly, realizing he wasn't going to stop until she replied. So much for silently freaking out.
Violet: omg louis
Violet: stop spamming me
Louis: Vi
Violet: >:(
Louis: you need to chill.
Violet: hOW caN i CHiLL
Louis: easy
Louis: listen to me
Instead of berating him as usual, she took a few deep breaths to calm herself down. Louis might act the fool, but when it counted he took things seriously. Everyone needed to give him more credit, herself included.
Violet: okay
Louis: i happen to know a slight secret about our dear clem
Louis: she definitely like-likes you
That made her heart jump, hopeful but skeptical.
Violet: what’re you like six?
Violet: and how do you know
Violet: did she tell you?
Louis: seven, actually
Louis: and you bet
Louis: but i didn’t tell you that
She didn’t know whether to believe him or not, but she wanted to. So badly.
Louis: so
Louis: all that matters now is how you feel about her
Louis: dont decide how she’s gonna react
Louis: let her do that
Overthinking was her worst bad habit, by far. She got completely lost in her own head, bombarded by other people's cruel words twisted to make them a million times crueler. Her own worst enemy with plenty of ammo. She was so used to everyone rejecting and abandoning her, terrified that history would just keep repeating itself. That she would end up alone.
Violet: but… it’s scary
Violet: like, really scary
Louis: i know
Louis: but trust me on this
Louis hadn't led her wrong before... screw it.
Violet: fine
Violet: but if something bad happens
Louis: ill be on the first plane to Paris
Louis: kidding
Louis: it’ll be totally a-okay
Relaxing, Violet exhaled deeply trying to rid herself of all the nervous energy. Even if he might be talking out of his ass, Louis had helped her calm down. Just a little.
Violet: thanks louis
Louis: thats why im here
Louis: witty one liners and relationship advice
Louis: :D
She gave him so much shit sometimes. Hell, she didn’t even know why they gave each other such a hard time. It had just always been that way. He felt like a brother to her. Maybe she needed to start saying how she felt more. No, there was no "maybe" about it. Exhaling deeply, she began typing at a million miles an hour, fingers brushing across the screen with light pitter patters.
Violet: real talk for a sec?
Violet: youre here for more than that Lou
Violet: i mean, look at you
Violet: youre like… one of the coolest people i know
Violet: talented and kind as hell
Violet: i know i dont say shit like this enough but
Violet: youre like my best friend
Violet: and i love you
Violet: you know that right?
When he didn’t reply straight away, she started to worry. Maybe that was too much. No, it couldn’t be. Not around Louis. Then what-?
Louis: sorry i just
Louis: damn vi
Louis: hit me right in the feels, why dont you
Violet: sorry…
Louis: No dont apologize
Louis: im happy
Louis: really happy
Louis: i love you too
Louis: your my sister from another mister
Knowing he felt the same made her happier than she ever expected.
Violet: right i totally look and act the part
Louis: doesnt matter
Louis: its whats inside that counts
Louis: anyways i uh
Louis: have homework to do
Louis: you good?
Louis: ill totally procrastinate more if not
Louis never failed to make her feel better. For that, she was seriously grateful. She hoped she could do the same for him, he deserved that and so much more.
Violet: yeah, i’m good
Louis: awesome!
Louis: if that changes hit me up
He sent her a picture. He was smiling, thumb up. It looked like he’d been crying a little.
“You’re such an emotional dumbass, Louis,” she muttered to herself, sending one back.
It was more awkward than his, but genuinely so.
Louis: :o
Louis: a vi smile
Louis: thats rare
Louis: saving that
Violet: you have h/w so go
Louis: sigh
Louis: yes ma’am
As Violet settled down, wrapping herself tightly in her blanket, she ignored all the doubts swirling around in her head and focused on everything Louis had told her.
Optimism.
When she got to school the next day, Violet was anxious and tired. She slept fitfully, unable to completely discard her worries. Not for lack of trying. It would be nice if she could switch it off, for just a few minutes. She hadn’t even seen Clementine yet and she was already a nervous wreck. Great.
“Vi?”
She felt a hand on her shoulder, making her jump. “Ah!”
Head snapping up, she realized she was still sat in the classroom. The bell had gone for lunch a few moments ago. She was met with Clementine’s concerned expression, quickly looking away again.
“O-oh, hey, Clem. Sorry I was… daydreaming.” Jumping to her feet, she grabbed her bag and tried to ignore her anxiety. “Lunch already, huh. Time flies.”
Clem followed her out of the classroom, walking beside her the moment she could. “Wish I could say the same. My morning dragged.”
When she felt something brush against her hand, Violet glanced down. Clementine had moved closer while they walked, close enough to touch. After last night, it was almost too much. They headed to their usual lunch spot on the school field, out of view. Violet's knee twitched as Clem unpacked her lunch, nervous energy. Why couldn't she just act normal? Like she used to before last night, when she figured she probably didn't have a chance. Now, she was just hyperaware of everything she felt but nowhere near brave enough to say it.
Not good.
She felt a hand on her knee, jolting her to attention. “Huh?”
“Are you… okay?”
“I… do you… remember last night?” she blurted out, instantly regretting it.
Clem nodded sheepishly. “Yeah, I totally fell asleep on you. Sorry.”
Either she didn’t remember or was trying to actively ignore what happened. Violet didn't know which was worse...
“What about before that?”
“We talked for a while. About cake and then…” Clementine went very quiet all of a sudden.
“And then?” Violet prompted.
“I, uh, had a weird dream. Not bad weird just… weird.”
“Weird how?”
Clem shuffled slightly, expression conflicted. “Promise you won’t laugh or… hate me.”
Violet put a hand over hers, reassuring. “I would never do that, Clem.”
With a deep sigh, Clementine continued, “I dreamt that you told me you... loved me. And it didn’t feel like in the friend way, you know.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah, it was…” Words seemed to fail her.
Violet tried to gauge her expression, deciding whether it was worth finally biting the bullet or not. What she found was a mix of confusion but also... hesitant approval? Or was that just wishful thinking? Taking a deep breath, she hesitantly took hold of Clementine’s hand.
“What if… I told you that I loved you for real?” When Clementine’s eyes widened, eyebrows almost shooting up to her hairline, Violet backtracked. “H-hypothetically.”
Before she could ramble any more, she felt something brush against her lips. It took a few seconds for her brain to process what was happening. Clementine was kissing her. She had to be dreaming. It seemed so real, but dreams always did at the time. If it was, she never wanted to wake up.
When Clementine pulled away, after what felt like an eternity but realistically would've only been a few seconds at most, she smiled shyly. “That’s my… hypothetical answer.”
Stunned, Violet leaned back on her hands, a smile slowly replacing the confusion. “Holy shit."
That made Clem chuckle softly. "That's romantic."
"I mean... holy shit." Her mind whirred, trying to process what just happened. "I-I guess Louis was right, huh.”
“About?” Clem raised an eyebrow, questioning.
“He told me that you told him you... liked me, you know.”
When Clementine frowned, looking confused, it suddenly dawned on Violet. He had lied. That was when she heard a stifled snicker from a nearby bush, embarrassed rage exploding from under the surface.
“LOUIS! GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE!”
He was cackling now, not even trying to hide it now. The bushes rustled as he sprinted out from behind them, shouting over his shoulder.
“Gotta catch me first!”