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To say they had perhaps been dancing around the subject was an understatement. It was probably better to admit they’d been avoiding talking about it at all. If anyone noticed they never quite made eye contact, that they preferred to stay away from one another when in groups, they didn’t bring it up. They were grateful for that.
But they couldn’t just run from the elephant in the room, not when it was so close to crushing them with its weight.
“Hey.” Roxas looked up from where he was had been observing the careful construction of Departure’s geography, finding Ventus standing over him. He was smiling but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. He’d just finished his training session with Kairi, Lea, and Terra; his bangs were plastered to his forehead with sweat and his face was still flushed with exertion. Before Roxas could say anything, Ventus took a seat next to him.
“You didn’t join today.” Ventus noted, picking at the grass absently. Roxas’ own fingers tightened into the ground as he stared at his feet. He hadn’t wanted to join, really. Not today at least. Besides, Aqua had admitted she’d have to do a bit of research in order to help Roxas optimize his technique; being able to dual-wield as a keyblade wielder was almost entirely unheard of.
“I figured it wasn’t really necessary. I’m more of a learn-as-I-go kind of guy.” He settled on the explanation after a moment of consideration. Ventus nodded, almost sagely, and hummed tunelessly.
“It’s nice out today, isn’t it?” Something about just trying to make pleasantries set Roxas’ teeth on edge. This was almost worse than when they just avoided talking altogether. He twitched slightly, emotions teetering on some strange precipice he didn’t quite know the name of. Ventus’ gaze flickered to him before he cleared his throat.
“Yeah. It’s nice. Better than what the weather used to be like here. Void with a side of existential crisis.” The joke is dark and Roxas knows that Ventus won’t get it, not really. He hadn’t been awake when this place had been... Nonetheless the other boy fidgets in place, at a lack of what to do to respond to Roxas.
“I bet…” The pauses were getting longer. Roxas wished Ventus would go away. Not because he didn’t like him. Ventus was perfectly amicable. He just didn’t want this painful interaction to continue longer than necessary. The guy didn’t seem to get the point, or was otherwise at least half as stubborn as Sora and intent on making good.
“You know, it’s kind of funny. Or, at least, maybe I think it’s funny?”
“What.” He didn’t mean for it to come out so flat. Roxas finally lifted his gaze and forced himself to look at Ventus. Seeing his own face… His stomach rolled. That wasn’t his face. He had his own face.
“I… I mean, I always wondered why Vanitas looked the way he did-- since he was supposed to be apart of me and all. I bet a lot of people were confused, about you, I mean. You and Sora don’t look anything alike.” Not like you and. It went unsaid. Ventus was refusing to look at him. Too busy keeping his voice light, casual. His eyes were glued to the horizon.
“Yeah. I never got why people confused us. Maybe I looked more like him, when I was first made.” Ventus shifted, almost awkwardly, and then sighed. Roxas had to admit he was impressed that he hadn’t broken yet and decided to give in to the eye contact Roxas was waiting for. He couldn’t imagine himself making such a facial expression. Then again, he supposed most people didn’t have to look themself in the eye ever. Not like this.
“I asked Lea about it, you know. How Nobodies are made. The Heartless weren’t really a thing back when I…” He trailed off. Roxas waited. Nobody had come to disturb them yet, no matter how hard he was willing them to.
“So, it makes sense Master Eraqus never taught us about Nobodies.”
“What are you getting at, Ventus.” The use of his full name finally seemed to jar him back to the moment and at last-- at long last-- he made eye contact with Roxas. He blinked rather dumbly before his expression settled into something rather serious that made Roxas’ chest clench.
“I don’t really know anymore. I guess I’m just trying to make sense of it…”
“I figured there wasn’t much to make sense of.” The bitterness in his voice was sharper than glass, poignant like venom. Ventus didn’t flinch, but something in his eyes changed. Roxas looked away then; he couldn’t bear to see it.
“I guess… It’s just strange, to see your own face on someone else.” There it was. And Roxas went tumbling over the theoretical edge, finding now what the name of that strange peak was.
“This is my face. Mine.” Ventus cringed openly now, expression contorting with the weight of his mistake as he openly struggled to find a way to amend his misspoken words.
“I-- I really didn’t mean it like that, Roxas. I’m sorry, it’s-- It’s just new! I don’t really know. I just…” He stood before he could let himself fall too much further down. Anger boiled under his skin and somewhere deeper shame bubbled ominously. Further down yet, in the very core of himself, sat insecurity.
“When they said that we looked the same, I thought they were lying. After all, everyone said Sora and I looked identical for ages. You said it yourself that we don’t.” Ventus got to his feet as well. His shoulders had squared off. Faintly, Roxas was aware that they were being watched. He didn’t know by who or even what but it didn’t matter right then.
“I’m sorry.” Was all Ventus got to blurt. Roxas shrugged the words off. The hurt was too fresh, the sting still singing. He would forgive Ventus later when he had reasoned with the pain and accepted the reality. But for now? He just wanted to be alone.