Archive of Our Own ^beta

‘U r coming to the party right bro’

He groans as he throws his phone somewhere on his side of the bed. It's weekend, for God's sake. He is supposed to have this kind of day to himself, listening to the birds chirping outside his house, enjoying the sunlight coming through his bedroom window like those morning scenes in movies. But his company just had to throw a fucking party tonight at some overrated five-star hotel and all that shit he’s never interested about. And he needs to go. Expand his connections or some shit. His boss had said, if you don't come, Bakugou, don't bother coming to work ever again.

His boss is a bitch.

He wants to spit in Aizawa's face and say he couldn't care less. Unfortunately, he can't. It's a big oil company and the pay is fucking great. So, just like how shitty hair keeps reminding him on the phone, he absolutely needs to go, unless he wants to say goodbye to a lofty pay check. Fuck.

Well, the event is still hours away. With nothing better to do, he grabs his phone and replies to Kirishima, ‘Your boss is a bitch’. Then he absentmindedly scrolls through his apps, thinking of something to do.

And what's better than instagram for a person with too much time on their hand?

He pauses after swiping his thumb on his feed. There is something he always do, but he hesitates every time. Fuck it.

His fingers quickly thump on the screen. Before he can even finish typing in, the username he's searching for pops up at the very top.

Of course, he scoffs to himself. You literally look up his account every fucking day.

But he is NOT stalking, okay? He is just…curious.

Izuku.m

Again, he scoffs. That shitty nerd comes up with such a boring username. It's a bit surprising that Izuku doesn't set his account private, because it seems like something he would do.

He feels disappointed when he realizes there isn't any new post. It's not like the nerd posts every other day, but the last photo was posted a month ago. Is he currently busy doing some shit? Whatever. He unashamedly taps on the latest.

His breath hitches as he looks at deep viridian orbs. They look so vibrant, he thinks. In the snow, his freckled cheeks are red from the cold, shoulders a bit hunched together. His lips are pulled into a grin, accentuating those soft cheeks fittingly. His hair is as messy as ever, and looks just as fluffy as ever. And hell, he's been looking at this particular picture for months, simply because there isn't anything new. But no matter how many times he's seen it, he never gets tired. So is his heart, which is thumping betrayingly against his chest.

Seven years later and still hopelessly in love with him. You're so pathetic, Katsuki. You don't deserve to feel like this, after all you've done.

You brought this upon yourself.

"Fuck," He closes the app and puts his phone on the nightstand, sitting up. He rubs his palm against his face, grumbling.

He really, really needs to forget everything about Deku. Deku, who probably has moved on, dating someone else there in America. The thought leaves a bitter taste in his mouth, but he shoves it all away, silently reminding himself.


He is not yours anymore.

-

"Hey man, I thought you cancelled on the last minute!" A redhead runs to him as soon as he steps into the lavishly-decorated ball room. "I mean, the party's been started since an hour ago,"

"Exactly, one fucking hour. Why get your pants in a twist? I don't even want to be here," Katsuki clicks his tongue. "Better come late and leave early,"

"Liven up, dude! There's wine, and it's high quality!" The shark-toothed man pointed shoved a glass in his direction. "Here, I brought you one,"

Katsuki took it and grumbles as thanks. Kirishima laughs like he's just told him something funny, but that's just how the redhead is.

"I think you should show your face to Aizawa! You know, so the man knows you're here,"

"Aight, just wait a tick, will ya? I just got here," Yes, he wants to leave early, but he also wants to at least have this glass of wine as compensation for coming to this pointless party. He hopes that Kirishima wasn't lying when he said it's high quality. Well, not that he should worry. His company provides the fucking best, as much as he doesn't want to admit it, least of all to his crackhead boss.

He savours the taste of the wine a bit, tasting it on his tongue, then downs the rest in one go.

There's a blond guy rushing to their direction. "Hey, Kirishima! You need toꟷoh! Bakugou, y-you here already? I thought you would c-come later..." Hearing Kaminari stutter isn’t something pleasing at all. He can only call nervous words like that cute if it comes out of a certain nerd’s mouthꟷno. Nope, Katsuki isn’t going to think about his ex and all his cute tendencies in a suckass party.

"What's the big deal, dunce face? Why are you stuttering like a fucking dumbass?" Katsuki sneers. "Oh waitꟷyou are,"

"That's not nice, Bakugou!" Kirishima comes to the defence of a pouting Kaminari.

"I'm stating a fucking truth,”

Kaminari grumbles, but then it looks like he remembers what he came for. "I need to tell somethingꟷ"

"Yeah, yeah. Chat with shitty-hair, I don't care. I'm going to show my freaking face to Aizawa and then leave this goddamn party," Katsuki waves his hand at them in shooing manner then turns and walks away.

"You might regret not hearing this, Bakugou!" Kaminari calls out.

"Like I want to hear anything that comes out of your dumbass mouth," Katsuki doesn't stall his steps and soon he is unseen, lost in the crowd.

-

"What!? He is here?"

"Yes!" Kaminari hisses. "That's why I wanted to talk to Bakugou, but jeez! It's hard as hell with him being such an ass,"

"But… But I thought he is in America?" Kirishima squawks. "And it's a company party! I didn't even know he works at the same company as us!"

"Yeah, well, I don't know, man! I didn't get a chance to talk to him. I saw him from across the room and he didn't see me,"

"God! Bakubro's still... He still can't let go, you know. He doesn't even try to date," Kirishima groans.

"Shit's about to go down," Kaminari sighs.

-

He growls annoyedly to himself. Fuck, he has wandered around for ten minutes and still no sign of his boss! Maybe he fell asleep somewhere? It definitely isn't impossible for Aizawa.

Before he can explode and scream Aizawa's name so it saves him the need to find the man, he sees his boss' slouched posture near one of the beverage tables.

"Fucking finally," In long strides, he approaches the man.

Aizawa doesn't turn his head to look at him. He barely glances, an eyebrow raised in question, like he is asking Katsuki what he's doing.

"I'm fucking here, old man. You see, this," He aggressively gestures to his whole body. "is proof, so you can't say I didn't come to this damn party!"

Aizawa doesn't even reply.

"I'm gonna go now, and you can't. Fire. Me,"

"I can fire you for your behaviour instead," Aizawa says drily.

"What the fuck! That's not the agreement!"

"Perhaps. But it's basic manners, Bakugou. Who yells at their bosses?"

"Well, me, duh,"

Aizawa's less than enthusiastic stare pierces him.

"I'm a fucking great employee! The best asset this company will ever have!"

"Why are you getting riled up?" Aizawa rolls his eyes. "Whatever. There's someone we need to meet. You better be on your best behaviour, if you can manage,"

"The fuck? I want to go home!"

"You sound like a child," Aizawa reprimands him. "And you can leave after this,"

Piece of shit! Okay, Katsuki, calm down. He doesn't want to admit he was getting riled up! He follows Aizawa, maneuvering through the crowd.

"Who is it? And why must I be there?"

"Because you stated yourself that you are this company's best. And we are meeting quite an important person. I invited him myself," Aizawa turns to stare him dead in the eyes. "I'm quite close to this person already, so it should be okay, but I am warning you to be civil, Bakugou, since it's impossible to ask you to be polite,"

Katsuki harrumphs. "You will find that I can. I can be polite if I want to. But suck it, people, I don't. Polite is boring as fuck,”

Aizawa turns to walk again. "Ah, there he is,"

Katsuki, a bit curious, looks to the front, gaze landing at a blond man that is so thin. He looks like a skeleton dressed in an expensive suit. It's ridiculous!

"Good evening, Toshinori," Aizawa greets. The blond man, Toshinori, turns their way, showing them his…gaunt face? Katsuki discerns bright blue eyes looking at Aizawa, but he can't see the white of this person's eyes!

Hm, he's heard of Toshinori before. His name comes up quite often when he's at work.

"Ah, Aizawa. I was getting afraid I wouldn't be able to catch you. I'm quite late, you see. I thought you would have left already!" The man laughs.

"It's quite rude to leave without meeting the guest I invited myself," Aizawa states. "Are you here alone?"

"No, no! I came with someone," He looks around. "Hm, where is he? He was with me just a while ago. That boy is full of curiousness, so he might just be wandering around right now,"

"Your employee?" Aizawa asks without any real interest in knowing. Katsuki rolls his eyes, can his boss be more obvious? But it seems that Toshinori is one dumb, oblivious fuck.

"You could say that! But he's special, you see,"

That piques Aizawa's interest a bit. Katsuki can see it in the man's tired, dead eyes.

"Special how?"

"Well, he's really smart, for one. He went to Harvard for his undergraduate program with a GPA of four every term. I scouted him myself when he was still a fresh graduate!" Toshinori chuckles to himself. "And I'm making him my company's successor,"

At that, Aizawa's eyebrows shoot up. Not very noticeable, but Katsuki sees the man with an impassive face all the time so it isn't really hard to tell when there's a difference.

"Really? How old is he?"

"Still a young'un! Probably the same age as the person accompanying you, Aizawa. How old are you...?" Toshinori offers his hand, which Katsuki begrudgingly takes. He hates that this old fucker is treating him like he's a toddler, but Aizawa's gaze just dares him to do something he will probably regret.

"Katsuki Bakugou. I'm twenty-five,"

"Exactly the same as Midoriya!"

Katsuki freezes. …Midoriya? Did he hear that right?

No, Katsuki, don't get your knickers in a twist. There are plenty of Midoriyas in the world. He's sure of that.

…Who is he trying to bullshit? There are only two Midoriyas he's ever known in his lifeꟷhe doesn't acknowledge that asshole of a fatherꟷ and out of those two, there's only one who is the same age as himself! Before he can even freak out, Toshinori calls out to someone who is probably a few feet away behind Katsuki.

"Oh, there he is. Young Midoriya, over here!"

He wants to turn around, but at the same time, he doesn't. Hell, there's still a chance that it might not be him, why is he panicking? But then a voice responds, sounding closer as the owner comes to them.

"Oh, Mr. Yagi!"

Fuck, can he bolt to the door in time? Running away has never been more appealing to him before. Because there's no way he can delude himself into thinking he doesn't know the person inching close. He knows that voice like the back of his hand. He can probably discern that one voice in a freaking concert full of million extras. He knows what the different tones of his mean, ranging from sad to happy, even when the other tried to hide it. Right now, it's alight with excitement and a bit of nervousness. Hearing that voice again makes his heart abuzz with something he doesn't exactly want to name.

"I'm sorry. I fetched Shouto at the lobby and we lost track of time talking,"

Katsuki can hear the sheepish smile in his voice.

"Shouto, my boy! I must say I didn't expect you to come," Toshinori says.

"I wasn't planning to. But Midoriya lured me into coming," A deep voice rumbles near Katsuki. "I don't know why, but I couldn't say no,"

He sounds confused when he said that. This Shouto seems stupid.

But then again, he doesn’t think anyone can say no to the nerd. Especially not him.

"I understand, my boy! No one can say no to Young Midoriya. Even I!" Toshinori laughs boisterously and Katsuki can see Aizawa's hands twitching at his sides, like he wants to cover his ears with them. Katsuki doesn't know what the big deal is. Aizawa works alongside Sales Manager Yamada every other day, and it certainly isn't impossible for someone's eardrums to fucking pop in the vicinity of the eccentric man.

Katsuki hears his childhood friend giggles nervously and he thinks that giggling men isn't supposed to make his heart race, but it is. Thumping so thunderously against his ribcage, he feels like it will come out of his mouth.

"Todoroki, you haven't met Aizawa before, haven't you?"

"I haven’t. It's a pleasure to meet you. I'm Todoroki Shouto," He doesn't know why he hates that voice very much. Katsuki’s instinct is telling him that this person is a competition.

"Oh, and Midoriya, you too, my boy! This is my good friend Aizawa, he is the one who invited us,"

"Aizawa Shouta,"

"N-nice to meet you, S-sir! I'm Midoriya Izuku, I work for Mr. Yagi!"

There it is, the stutters he can’t help but admit he misses.

"I heard interesting things about you from Toshinori. It's a pleasure to meet someone so smart," Aizawa says plainly, not bothered at how Izuku reddens and denies his claim. Katsuki feels a hand grab his shoulder. "This employee of mine is quite smart, too. Unfortunately, he's got a terrible behaviour,"

Katsuki thinks he should pop a vein in anger, but all he could think of is the attention that has now turned on him. He knows how Izuku could be when he is focused on something, that's how he wasn't noticed right away. But now that his gaze shifts to Katsuki, he knows Izuku will have no problem recognizing him. Even with his back turned on him.

He is proved right when he hears a whisper.

"…Kacchan?"

Okay, he can't stretch things anymore. He braces himself, ready to pretend that they don't have any connection.

But the moment he turns on his heel and is met with wide green eyes, his brain shuts down.

Izuku is taller than when he had last seen him, but still stops an inch below Katsuki's height. He is not buff but also isn't particularly thin, he can see hints of muscles beneath that suit that clings to him so sinfully. His wild green hair is as untamed as ever but slicked a bit on one side, and fuck if it isn't a little bit sexy. And his eyes, God, his eyes. They shine as brightly as ever, although right now, they are filled with surprise and confusion, but it doesn't matter because they look beautiful as always.

No one can convince him otherwise. The being in front of him is an angel sent from heavens above. By the Gods, Katsuki swears that Izuku Midoriya is specially created to walk on Earth and show people the true meaning of beauty.

He is mindful of the eyes watching, probably expecting him to say something instead of ogling his long-term crush. Or more like, ex-boyfriend. Whom he is still crushing on. Right. He needs to say something.

"I-I…err…" He greedily gulps a handful of air. "Bakugou Katsuki, nice to meet you,"

He can practically see Aizawa’s eyebrow cocked on one side. Of course, because honest-to-God Katsuki never stutters. Except maybe for that time he asked Izuku out on a date, which would be their first, but that’s a story for another time.

"Did I hear you say…Kacchan?" Toshinori blinks. "What’s a Kacchan? Do you both know each other already?"

"That, uh…" Fuck, Katsuki, you are making a fool out of yourself. Before he can continue, the bane of his existence opens his mouth.

"Yes. We were childhood friends,"

Childhood friends. The phrase bothers him so, but why? It's true. They were once children close to each other, playing sand and the classic hide-and-seek in the park. Having sleepovers at each other's houses. But that was so long ago, what's left from that peaceful time are just snippets of memories. Is that where Izuku draws the line? Is that how Izuku limits their relationship?

"Oh! That is unexpected, my boy! I never heard you mention Young Bakugou here. I trust that you both haven't met in a while?"

At Izuku's slow nod, Toshinori hums. "Then perhaps, we should give you time to catch up!" Ignoring Izuku's waving hands which serves as an adamant refusal, Toshinori pats Aizawa on the shoulder and walks away. "I haven't seen Yamada, where is…"

The elders' voices become lost in the rowdy crowd, leaving three silent youngsters behind.

Katsuki doesn't know what to do. The room is loud with people talking to each other, but right now, all he can hear is silence.

He casts a glance to the front, to where Izuku is standing so, so close to someone else. He tries to ignore the clench in his heart, trying to focus on something else, like how this motherfucker has an ugly ass burn on the side of his face and how much of a shitshow his weird-coloured hair is. But he fails. All his mind can think of is Izuku standing near Shouto. Does Izuku not know how his heart is breaking? Or is he doing it on purpose to spite him?

He grits his teeth when Todoroki leans in close to whisper something. At Izuku's nod, he faces Katsuki with a cold, hard glare but then those heterochromatic eyes take one look at Izuku and they soften. The candy cane leaves right after that.

He feels his heart hammering and his eyes burning, but then Izuku speaks to him for the first time in years.

"Can we go outside?"

"…Yes,"

Katsuki can’t ever say no to him.


The walk takes quite a while, it gives him the time to think. He spends his time staring at the back of Izuku who is leading the way in front of him. And isn't that ironic? Katsuki never thought that he will be the one to trail behind. He is fine with it now. He should be thankful enough that Izuku even wants to be with him for longer than a second.

They arrive at the hotel's garden, huge and majestic and surprisingly empty. Good. Something tells him that in the following conversation, they will need all the privacy they can get.

Izuku sits himself down on the bench but Katsuki hesitates. Should he sit down too? Will Izuku mind him being so close? Or does he want him as far away as possible? He settles with standing awkwardly a few feet in front of Izuku, but the nerd, as always, manages to surprise him. Takes one look at Katsuki's red eyes and says,

"Sit down,"

The way Izuku says it kind of sounds like someone telling their dog to do something. It's commanding, and for him, a human, a bit degrading.

Katsuki never sits his ass down so damn quick.

He wants to close the distance between them, and if Izuku is willing to get rid of even just a little bit of that space, then Katsuki would be a fool not to take it.

The first few minutes are spent in silence. Izuku's gaze is directed at the ground, unmoving. His hands are clasped, placed on the space between his thighs. On the other hand, Katsuki has eyes for no one but him.

Always been. Always will be.

He looks at the bowtie the other boy is wearing and thinks about how it’s so Izuku it hurts.

Izuku was full of bravado when he invited him here, but when it comes down to this, it doesn't look like he's about to say anything at all. Okay, it seems like Katsuki has to be the one to initiate the conversation.

"How…how are you?"

Fuck, that's so lame. What else can he say, though? How Katsuki had been missing him for nearly a decade? Because while that is true, he doesn't want to hear how Izuku will reply to that. What if it isn't appropriate for him to say that? Because from the looks of it before, Izuku has someone else now. Someone that isn't him. He wants to get so mad, he wants to beat the man who has stolen Izuku away from him. But he has no right to.

He isn't yours anymore.

Izuku gives him a sideway glance. "I'm doing fine,"

"That's fucking great,"

What's this? Some kind of stand-up comedy?

"Dekuꟷ" He thinks of what Izuku would feel if he hears the name Katsuki gave to him long ago, a name that was first made to be an insult. Over the years, that nickname has become some kind of endearment, but he doesn’t want this person who is so, so important to misunderstand. "Izuku. When…when did you get back here?"

Why didn't you tell me?

"I've been going back and forth between Japan and America for the past three years," Izuku hums. "But I've been here since a month ago,"

"Are you going to leave again?" He asks, "to America?

Are you going to leave me again?

"No,"

Katsuki feels hope blossom in his chest.

"Not anytime near. I'm offered a post at the office here, but I will probably be sent back some time later,"

His heart plummets. He feels like he's being played with. It's like Izuku is aware of the hope that starts to bud in his chest and decides to toy with it, then crush it in his scarred hand.

Their bodies sit so close, but that single sentence from Izuku puts so many miles of distance between them.

"I-I see," He swallows the lump in his throat. "…Good for you,"

"What?" Izuku asks bitterly. "Does it matter to you?"

He thinks it's a rhetorical question, because Izuku should know the answer. Of course it matters. He matters.

But as always, Katsuki is the one who makes that so hard to see.

He's had enough of his own faults. He's the one who left whatever they had in pieces. He's the one who has to rebuilt it back.

That means no more hiding. He needs to show how much Izuku means to him. He needs to show how much he cares.

"You always matter to me," He says in a breathy whisper. He hears a sharp inhale, but he can't get his eyes to look up from where they, around the middle of the conversation, have taken to staring at the stone tiled ground.

"…I don't understand you, Kacchan. I thought I canꟷright nowꟷ but I-I can't do this," He hears a choked sob, then the bench creaking from the force of someone pushing it down to get up.

No, Katsuki won't let him go. Not without a fight. Izuku was always the one who fought tooth and nail to make their relationship work. He's nothing but garbage if he doesn't do the same now.

He grabs that hand that is littered with scars and now they are standing face to face. He places a palm on freckled cheek. He tries to ignore how Izuku won't spare a single glance at him.

"Izuku, look at me,"

One of the similar traits he has with Izuku is stubbornness. Izuku doesn't want to look, so Izuku doesn't. Right now, though, Katsuki needs to make him see.

Placing a thumb under his jaw, Katsuki pushed the other's chin up.

Seeing those glistening eyes so up close makes his heart stutter. As always, he gets lost in them. As always, they are otherworldly.

"You asked me why I'm glad that you're here now?" He asks carefully.

"I missed you," He says as sincere as he can manage.

Izuku doesn't say anything.

"We haven't seen each other for seven years, and I missed you every single day,"

Katsuki wipes a single stray tear that starts to make way its way down a freckled cheek.

"Please," he rasps, "stay,"

At that, Izuku sobs so harshly.

"You can't… you can't do this, Kacchan,"

He loves the way his nickname rolls on Izuku's tongue. It sounds like home.

"You can't tell me to leave then ask me to stay," Izuku rubs at his eyes so furiously. "It's so cruel,"

And Katsuki knows that. He knows it more than Izuku does. Just like how he knows why their relationship ended and whose fault it was.

He remembers stolen kisses in the hallway when they were teenagers. The weekends spent on the couch, curling together, watching action movies. Sneaking out at night to the other's house, having a passionate session of make out on the bed.

He remembers being the one to let them all go.

He remembers being afraid of what the future holds. He remembers being frightened of everything that could happen.

He remembers how he pushed Izuku away nearing their graduation day.

"You know, if you go to Harvard, we'll be so far away,"

He is afraid of distance.

"I won't forget to call every day, Kacchan,"

He is a coward.

"…Heh. How can I be certain you won't replace me there, nerd?"

He is scared of being abandoned.

"…Kacchan, do you think so lowly of me?"

The hurt in Izuku's voice.

"If you go to America…"

He knows that crushing the dream of his loved one isn't a good way to go, but he does it anyway.

"…then we break up, Deku,"

The final push.

"What do you choose?"

Please stay.

Please choose me.

"…I'm not going to let go of my dream that easily, Kacchan,"

Izuku has made his choice.

He feels anxious. What will Izuku do in America? Who will he be with?

Will he find someone other than him, someone better? Someone who has never given him mental scars. Someone who has never told him to give up on life.

He doesn’t want to feel insecure every other day. He thinks it’s better to end things early than be hurt later.

"Leave then, Deku. We're over,"

But look now, seven years later. Look who is still hurting from one of the many bad decisions he's made in his life.

"I'm sorry," He murmurs, letting go of freckled cheek.

"…"

"I'm so fucking sorry. I was just a stupid asshole back then," Katsuki says.

"Let's cut the chase, Kacchan," Izuku's voice is steady. "Why did you ask for us to break up?"

"I was scared," He admits. "I didn't want to let go of what we had. I couldn't handle the thought of not seeing your face every damn day. I couldn't handle the thought of you finding someone else,"

"Why are you always so insistent that I will find someone else!?" Izuku shouts frustratedly. "Do you think I am so shallow as to cheat on you when you're not with me?"

"NoꟷI, damn it, I was one insecure bastard, okay!? Let's face it, Izuku, I was a grade-A asshole before. I used to torment you in middle school. I even told you to jump off, for God's sake. I don't even know how you could still forgive me and accept me with all my faults," Katsuki laughs tiredly. "Anyone would be better than someone who has tortured you nearly all your damn life. I was fucking afraid that one day, you will realize that I wasn't the one you need by your side,"

Izuku is ruthless with his counters.

“I felt when you started to distance yourself from me, Kacchan. Every day, I questioned if it was something I did. If it was my fault,” He thumbs those furrowed green eyebrows. “And you are telling me that it’s because you are scared you’ll be replaced?”

“Izukuꟷ”

“Did you not see how you were the only one for me?”

"I was stupid! I was too much of a fuckin wimp. I didn’t see what was clearly in front of me. But trust me, I have matured, Izuku,” He says desperately. “I’m no longer that abrasive, dumb teenager blinded by childish possessiveness and jealousy and insecurity!”

He exhales a shaky breath.

“I know I don't deserve it. But I'm selfish. If you can still find it in your heart to forgive me, then please, give me a second chance" He reaches for the trembling hand on Izuku's side.

"I love you, Izuku,"

He hears a sniffle.

"I hate this,"

Katsuki's heart plummets for the second time that day.

"I hate that no matter what you do, I always want to run back to you. I hate that I always forgive you before you even ask for it. Even right now, Kacchan," He feels a glimmer of hope. "But I'm not that weak little boy from our childhood anymore. I'm not that stupid teenager who wore his heart on his sleeves. What if I give you another chance and you waste it like how you always do? You broke my heart once, how can I believe that you won't do it once more?"

"Izukuꟷ"

"I don't want to go through that again, Kacchan. It hurt so much," Izuku sobs.

"I’m sorry I caused you so much pain. Fuck, I will turn back the fucking clock and fix all that if I can. But I don’t have that ability, Izuku. What I can do is try to change. I want to change. I'm going to be someone who is fit to stand by your side. So please…" He croaks out. "…Don't say you want to give up on me,"

He knows he doesn't deserve to ask for such a thing. But he feels like he can't live without Izuku.

"…You're so unfair, Kacchan," Izuku trembles. "You know I can't refuse you,"

"Does…Does that mean…?"

"Kacchan. Please, prove to me that you have changed,"

Katsuki sobs.

"I-" He chokes. "Of course, Izuku,"

"You can call me Deku, you know," For the first time that night, he sees a little smile on the other man's face. Is it weird that his heart stops a little? "It feels weird having you call me with anything else,"

"Deku," He says, and it slips on his tongue so perfectly.

"Kacchan,” He sees Izuku’s tongue darts out, and the glossy sheen it leaves on pale lips is so fucking delectable. “Can we take things slowly? I don't want to dive in headfirst into a relationship yet,"

Izuku toys with his fingers and he looks so fucking cute Katsuki might just die. "People don't stay the same within years, and I… I want to get to know the you now first before we try anything again,"

"Of course, Deku," He promises.

Because he was the one who tore their relationship into shreds. Now that Izuku, with his bleeding heart, gives undeserving Katsuki another fucking chance, he will give his all to mend the holes in their hearts.

"I will wait for you, no matter how much time you need,"

Izuku is the same crybaby he was before, and with that promise from him, he cries. Katsuki caresses the clear crystals that starts to run down familiar freckled cheeks.

"You crybaby nerd," he says fondly. With Izuku so close to him, he can't deny the urge to wrap his arms around the smaller figure. He feels the other boy stiffen at first and he starts to pull his arms away because maybe a hug is too much. Maybe he is moving too fast.

But then slender limbs wrap around his body and palms press on his back and Katsuki is lost. Lost in the warmth of their closeness, lost in the minty fragrance of Izuku's. He feels the world align itself around them.

He grips tight and swears to never let go.

Never again.

-

The fresh cold air becomes so chilly that they agree to go inside. Katsuki notices eyes on him and sees Todoroki, who is standing near one corner of the room, and he is suddenly reminded of how close the tall man seemed with Izuku before. Those heterochromatic eyes glance at the person beside Katsuki and something flashes within them. With an expression that seems akin to pained understanding, he nods at Katsuki and leaves the ballroom.

"Hey, Deku..."

"Hm?"

"Who is Todoroki?"

Who is he to you?

"Oh, Shouto is my collegemate. We met in a physics class on our first year at Harvard," Izuku smiles. "He's been there for me ever since,"

Because I wasn't there for you, he thinks.

"He's my best friend,"

No, he wants to tell. No, those eyes don't look at you like they do a friend. They look at you like you are a treasure.

He looks at you like you are the most precious thing in this godforsaken world.

He looks at you like I do.

But then Katsuki is greedy. He won't bring that matter to attention. Todoroki is gentlemanly while Katsuki is bad manners. He is a calm countenance while Katsuki is aggressive. He is kind while Katsuki is rude. He’s just met the man for the first time today, but even he can tell that between the two of them, Todoroki is clearly the better choice.

And he won’t make Izuku see that.

Then again, he wonders how Izuku is so dense that he doesn't notice how Todoroki so obviously looks at him.

But he looks down and sees a pained smile painted on the other boy's face. He sees something in his green eyes, too much like misery and apology, and thinks that maybe, Izuku isn't so oblivious after all.

Katsuki is selfish. So, so selfish.

He doesn't say anything.

He reaches for a scarred hand and clasps tight.