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Malia's reaction to finding out her true parentage is unexpected.
Apparently she already knows she was adopted, which had been what Scott had anticipated she would freak out about learning.
The real shock of the discovery makes her turn to Stiles, her eyebrows lowering sadly as she tells him, "We can't do our thing anymore."
"Our... thing?" Stiles repeats, frowning confusedly. Scott winces on behalf of his best friend. At least if Malia's going to break up with Stiles, she isn't beating around the bush the way a lot of people might have done.
"Yeah," Malia says, as the pack turn to stare at them both, curious. "That thing where I push you down onto hard surfaces and make out with you until you get cute and flustered and your mouth goes red and slack the way I like. I can't do that anymore."
Scott texts his mom because he knows she's out on a grocery run and asks for ice-cream. The good stuff.
"O...kay?" Stiles says. "I mean, I'm okay with a break-up, I guess. Might have preferred my closest friends not to see me get my heart crushed right in front of them, maybe, but- can I just ask why?"
Scott's phone chimes. Apologize, his mom says. Scott blinks. Huh?
Malia squints like Stiles is being stupid. "Uh, because if Peter's my dad, that means I have cousins."
That's cool, actually - Derek and Cora deserve all the good family they can get. Scott thinks for a second and wonders if Malia counts as good, because she did accidentally slash Scott's back wheel last week.
He mentally tosses up injured vehicles and mass deliberate murder and decides in Malia's favor.
If you've messed up, apologize. Kira's a good girl, Melissa texts as Derek happily emotes in Malia's direction, as much as the slightly-perpetually-grumpy Hale can emote. There's a curve to his mouth, anyway, that might be a smile. Or maybe it's gas.
It's not me, Scott texts back. Stiles just got dumped.
And I have to foot the bill for his misery because...?
My alternative is going to the Pizza Palace and last time I did the comfort fast food thing with Stiles I puked up half a calzone onto Aunt Rosemary's hundred-year-old tapestry cushion?
...chocolate mint or cookie dough?
You're the best, Mom.
"It's just... I can't do it, Stiles," Malia says, managing to look mostly regretful, which is definitely progress. A lot of her expressions for the last few weeks have been different shades of I'm going to kill you and your little dog too. Yay for improvements, even if she's kinda breaking Stiles' heart to do it. Scott's suspected for a while that Stiles' heart hasn't been 100% into his thing with Malia, though, so maybe it's all for the best. "It was okay when it was someone unrelated to me, that was fine. I can compete with other people. But not when it's a relative. I can't date someone who's got a massive crush on my cousin. Especially when it predates me even knowing you."
Stiles pulls a face. Lydia lets out a snort of amusement at Stiles' embarrassment. Kira looks confused.
Cora, Scott mouths to Kira. Kira lets out a silent oh of understanding. Cora came up for a couple of weeks vacation and she got on with Malia perfectly. It's no real surprise that the two of them are related, now Scott thinks about it. They definitely do violence on the same wavelength. A lot like Derek, too.
Oh. Derek. That's a thought. Scott takes a surreptitious step closer to Stiles. He'll probably need to intervene, considering Cora's his little sister. Scott doesn't have any siblings, but he remembers vividly what it felt like to see Peter and Gerard threaten his mom.
Stiles could actually get physically gutted for this one.
Although he is turning adorably pink and embarrassed. Damn, Scott wishes he had Jackson's level of tact and could take a photo of his best friend for blackmail purposes right about now.
"It's not my fault," Stiles whines, and throws an almost angry look in Derek's direction. "We keep ending up in life and death situations together. And you keep pushing me into things. A crush in those circumstances is perfectly-"
Stiles trails to a close, realizing everyone is now staring at him.
Including Derek, who looks... like he's fighting a smile.
As Stiles' Dad would say? Aw, crap.
Mom, cancel the ice-cream order. Get me some bleach.
"-natural," Stiles finishes, his voice croaking as he notices that Derek's lost his battle with his own face and is now smiling, genuine and warm, and yeah, Stiles is smiling back at him too, hopelessly fond, staring into Derek's eyes, leaning into his hand and when had Derek moved that close to Stiles?
??? Melissa texts back.
Scott turns away and starts ushering the pack out of Derek's loft quickly.
I need bleach to wash out my eyeballs, Scott replies.
A soft moan hits his ears and Scott never wants to know which one of them it is, because he's pretty sure now that he can only die happy if he can't decipher the sounds his best friend makes when he's turned on.
AND MY EARS.
"Ugh," Malia complains, looking back over her shoulder as Scott tries to hurry them out, "my cousin stole my thing." She yells back advice. "Make sure you pinch his ass! He likes that!"
"Thanks," Stiles manages to call back, the word cutting off into a happy moan.
DO YOU THINK I COULD BLEACH MY WHOLE BRAIN?
You need to spend less time with Stiles, Melissa replies.
It's the first time in Scott's life where he's ever agreed with her saying it.