Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

[underoos added, kween, mj, and hats to fwiends] (6:03 am)

underoos: this just in, shuri is now cancelled

mj: What the fuck Peter, why the fuck did you add me to this chat?

underoos: cause youre my friend and i want you to meet my other friend!!!

hats: Hi Peter!!!

underoos: hi ned!!!!

kween: why the fuck are yall texting at ass crack o'clock

mj: Who the fuck are you?

kween: shut up

underoos: ope!!! sorry shuri!!! i forgot that wakanda isnt the same time zone as us!!!

mj: Ope is probably the most mid-western thing you've ever said Peter, and you're not even from the mid west

underoos: maybe not born their but my soul is

underoos: it was born in the vast corn fields

underoos: my first word was ope

hats: It wasnt, it was umbrella

kween: why do you know that?

underoos: how do you know that?????

hats: May told me

underoos: hmmmmmm

underoos: idk why may loves you more than me ned, like im her nephew 

hats: Im her honorary nephew

underoos: now thats a little rude >:(

hats: It really do be like that

mj: Peter, May loves everyone. Plus can you really blame her??

underoos: lmao no, ned is an absolute sweetie

hats: aksfkjskf awww yall are making me uwu

underoos: just speaking the truth wuwu

kween: god peter youre so gay

underoos: i thought that was obvious sis,,,

kween: it is i just like stating it tbh

underoos: anway!! we can stop texting so that you can rest shuri cause you need the rest sis, self care

kween: no, i wanna meet your friends

hats: Hi im Ned!

kween: yeeter has told me a lot about you

mj: I'm Michelle but you can call me MJ

underoos: why can she call you mj right away???? it took us m o n t h s for ned and i to call you mj >:<

mj: Shuri just seems like she deserves it

hats: And we didnt???

mj: Nah, you guys were nerd back then

underoos: mj were still nerds

kween: honestly, im v honored

underoos: you should

hats: Now why is Shuri cancelled? 

underoos: W  E L L 

mj: Oh God

underoos: S O i was gonna be a nice person and give shuri a v nice v-days gift which btw did you two like your gift??? an yway, i get home and i just see a fucking blanket??? like which doesnt seem like a lot but this shit is n i c e, like im talking about sherpa, super soft and kinda heavy but kinda not??? like not enough to bring some mems up which im v grateful. moving on im currently curled up in my bed wrapped up in my blanket which is like maybe twice??? the size of me and im really out here about to be a butterfly and living my best life. 

mj: Then why is she cancelled?

mj: That gift doesn't seem all that bad

underoos: now if it was just a normal blanket it wouldnt be that big of a deal for me, i mean i would still cry cause nghghg but i looked up the brand and this shit is fucking expensive

underoos: and here i thought you fucking made this shit for me

hats: How expensive are we talking pete?

underoos:  436.60 dollars

hats: What the fuck

kween: its not that expensive???

mj: Not to flex but my family is well off but that's pretty expensive sis, and only for Valentines? 

kween: like not to flex on yall but that was really nothing?? it wasnt that much of a dent in my money for just buying peter a blanket

mj: But why a blanket?

kween: caause peter cant thermoregulate so hes always chilly

hats: Is that why youre always stealing my clothes and mjs???

underoos: sorta but those are also v big on me and v comfy

mj: That reminds me can I have my hoodie back?

underoos: lmao no ive already claimed that hoodie as my own

hats: Thats true

hats: Peter claimed that hoodie as his own

mj: Damn, i guess im not getting my sweater back either?

underoos: lmao nope

kween: why do you only steal hoodies and sweaters???

underoos: cause one they are vvvvv compfy and two because mj and ned are bigger than me so the sleeves are longer so i can just hit people with them and play innocent cause who could blame little ol me in a big sweater

mj: He does that to Tony a lot.

kween: why am i not surprised

kween: this blanket is only the beginning im going a l l out on peters birthday and shit

underoos: d, dont

hats: ngl but peter does deserve to have nice things

underoos: akfkskfsk why are yall gaining up on me?? ive done nothing wrong :(((

mj: Too bad Peter, perish

underoos: :((((((((

underoos: i came here to have a good time and honestly i feel so attacked

underoos: like, i made this gc so yall can meet and so that i can love yall but youre really making my buttered eggrolls dry

mj: Why does that make sense

hats: Its because its relatable

kween: i can butter your eggrolls beter ;))))

underoos: no thank, im a child of Godtm

hats: Peter everyday you ask me if god could just dick you down

underoos: listen, multiple people see him as different things and i see him as a hot man/woman like god 

kween: youre so gay

underoos: bi actually but yes

mj: Ned, Peter we're going to be late for school if you don't get your asses moving soon.

hats: Oh fuck youre right, nice meeting you shuri!!!

underoos: o fuckfallfslflsf

underoos: bye bye shuri love you!!!

kween: love you too!!!

underoos: remind me to change our nicknames here when i get a chance!!!

mj: Hurry up Peter.

underoos: IM GOING

[underoos, hats, and mj are now offline] (7:45 am)

[kween is now offline] (7:56 am)

Chapter Text

[kween is now online] (6:13 am)

kween: peter you absolute mad lad

[underoos is now online] (6:14 am)

underoos: ;)

[hats and mj is now online] (6:16 am)

mj: What is Peter doing now?

hats: Check his snap chat story

mj: Alright, I'll be right back.

kween: akjfksfj sis you aint afraid of being caught by someone???

kween: not flash???

underoos: flash can suck my dick no one can get in my way of this happening

mj: Peter, two questions. Why is there a dog in your backpack and what are you planning?

underoos: HAVE YOU NEVER MET SANDWICH YET????????????

mj: Did you honest to God name the dog Sandwich?

underoos: ,,,,y , es??

mj: That is the dumbest name I've ever heard for a dog

hats: Please dont disrespect my godchild like that mj

kween: god you are not gonna like toast then

hats: Toast????

underoos: sandwiches sister!!!! 

underoos: evenlytoasted.jpg

hats: That is a very good dog

mj: And please tell me why you named the other dog Toast?

underoos: lets get this bread gamers

mj: Please tell me that there are no other bread named animals

mj: Also Peter, I am now legally allowed to kill you for that comment

kween: i guess you wont like sub then :///

hats: Whos sub??? :000

underoos: a goat that i cuddled with in wakanda!!!

underoos: notexactlyafootlong.jpg

mj: Going back to the original topic, why the fuck are you bringing Sandwich to school Peter?

underoos: i feel like i havent been spending enough time with her and that makes me feel bad cause i love sandwich lots and every time i have to leave her with nat cause i have to school or some place where i cant take him, he gives me these big ol puppy dog eyes and i can feel my heart b r e a k in two cause i cant bring him with but today i thought 'yea, today is gonna be a bring your son to school day' my son is going to become e d u c a t e d!

underoos: please dont rat me out!!! sandwich will be a good boy!!! hell be super quiet, ill feed him the food from lunch which might not be the healthiest but ill only do it as a treat and im p sure that i have some dog food in my bag!! lets hope he doesnt get into that

mj: What are going to do about when Sandwich has to use the bathroom?

underoos: ive snuck out of school before, it shouldnt be that hard!

[underoos changed mj's name to mom_friend]

kween: accurate

hats: Did we all just adopt mj as our mom friend??

underoos: yes

mom_friend: Please no, 

mom_friend: I'm not going to be kissing any boo-boos for you three 

underoos: what if i said that i forgot my lunch?

mom_friend: You are really pushing my buttons Parker.

kween: oh shit she pulled the last name

underoos: o fuck

mom_friend: Oh fuck is right Parker, now get to school.

underoos: yes maam 

[underoos is now offline] (6:45 am)

mom_friend: You too Leeds,

[hats is now offline] (6:47 am)

kween: i, im just gonna go now,,,

mom_friend: Smart choice princess.

[kween is now offline] (6:49 am)

[mom_friend is now offline] (6:51 am)

[kween is now online] (12:15 pm)

kween: yo petey

[underoos is now online] (12:16 pm)

underoos: ye???

kween: two things

kween: one how is our son doing right now?

underoos: lunchtime.jpg

underoos: doing good!!! hes just sitting on my lap now as he eats his food out of my hand cause he doesnt want to be set down

kween: me too tbh

kween: number two, mj is fucking s c a r y 

underoos: lmao yea, you can understand how it took ned and i months to get over how scary she was and actually attempt to befriend her

underoos: or well, she just stated that we were friends and ned and i just accepted it.

[mom_friend is now online] (12:20 pm)

mom_friend: I'm not that scary,

underoos: you kinda are but like no tea no shade

mom_friend: Finish eating Peter, I know that you have a higher metabolism. Don't just feed Sandwich.

underoos: :((( but he needs to be fed!!!!

kween: another two things,

mom_friend: Shoot,

kween: wheres ned and mj is such a good mom friend

underoos: ned is in class now, hell join us in a few minutes and i agree, mj is a g r e a t mom friend!!! 

mom_friend: Thank you you two. 

underoos: uwuwu

[hats is now online] (12:29 pm)

hats: PETER MR. HARRINGTON JUST PULLED ME ASIDE AND ASKED ME IF YOU HAVE A DOG IN YOUR BACKPACK

underoos: JSKFSKFKJS AND WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM?????????????/

kween: b lease dont tell me that you ratted my son and husband out

hats: Im not that cruel >:(

underoos: SO WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM

hats: I JUST TOLD HIM THAT YOU SENT ME A PICTURE OF YOUR DOG IN YOUR BAG THIS MORNING BUT IT WAS AN OLD PHOTO

mom_friend: I told you that this would of happened if you brought Sandwich to school Peter.

underoos: i know but look how happy he looks

underoos: he likes spending time with him!!! he has such a pr e tty smile like i would do a n y t h i n g for sandwich and i hope that everyone knows this!

underoos: OH FUCK THATS A TEACHER!

hats: OH FUCK

kween: WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO

underoos: STUFF HIM IN MY HOODIE!!! HES SMALL ENOUGH!

mom_friend: You three are absolute idiots. Peter, you're just the biggest idiot out of them.

underoos: yea thats understandable. 

underoos: i think hes gone now!!

hats: peekaboo.jpg

kween: my brother just walked in and asked me why i was crying and i just showed him this photo

kween: i love sandwich

underoos: yea me too!!

underoos: do you love him mj???

mom_friend: I won't deny it.

underoos: !!!!!!!!!

hats: Ope, we have class now dudes,

kween: :(((((

kween: im gonna be lonely now :(((

underoos: :((( im gonna let sandwich out ill brb

underoos: bye bye shuri, ill face time you tonight!!

kween: alright!!! 

[underoos, hats, and mom_friend are now offline] (12:55 pm)

[kween is now offline] (12:57 pm)

Chapter Text

[hats is now online] (2:12 pm)

hats: While peter is currently in class lets change his name to something more fitting

[hats changed underoos's name to soft_boi]

hats: Thats much more fitting

[kween is now online] (2:16 pm)

kween: while you are right, please explain your reasonings

hats: hesblind.jpg

kween: akfjskfls im making that my home screen

hats: Bold of you to assume that peter hasnt been my home screen A N D lock screen for years

kween: you are right, i am a fo o l 

kween: but i thought that peter didnt need glasses cause of the spider bite???

hats: When peter was younger he did need glasses cause he had h o r r i b l e vision but he was too poor?? to actually get the glasses he needed so he got a pretty cheap one but it was still bad

hats: He still needs them from time to time but h ates wearing them cause he says they make him look like a dork

kween: h, he always looks like a dork

hats: Of course he does

[mom_friend is now online] (2:21 pm)

mom_friend: I sensed that we were making fun of Peter and I want to join.

kween: were just calling him a dork cause he wears glasses

mom_friend: It's better than nothing. So do please continue

kween: aight??? anway lets agree that beter is cute as fuck

hats: I agree

hats: Do you mj???

mom_friend: I won't say no.

kween: b, blease feed me pictures of b e ter

mom_friend: Sleeby.jpg

kween: oh fuck me sideways 

kween: thats so fucking cute

hats: I agree 

hats: When did this happen?

mom_friend: When we were returning from DC.

hats: What the fuck where was i

mom_friend: It was when Peter says he needed time alone.

hats: Tea

[soft_boi is now online] (3:10 pm)

soft_boi: hello uwu

soft_boi: two things

soft_boi: one i sense someone is making fun of me

soft_boi: two who the fuck changed my name its totally fake like idk if yall seen me before but i could kill a man if i wanted to but like not that i ever will 

kween: you not being soft??? dont make me laugh peter

soft_boi: :((((

kween: beter you cried when toast barked at you

soft_boi: s, she was just so cute :,(((

kween: thats understandable cause she is cute

soft_boi: and you call me soft

kween: thats cause you are

soft_boi: >:(

soft_boi: this isnt very sicko mode of you

mom_friend: Despite me being the same age as you two the way that you talk makes me feel like an actual 89 year old who complains about teenagers being glued to their screens.

hats: But you do yell at us for being on our phones

soft_boi: its because you are old mj

mom_friend: If I wasn't the mom friend I would beat your ass.

mom_friend: But I can say this. Peter you are now legally allowed to die because of that comment

soft_boi: finally

mom_friend: Wait no,

soft_boi: its too late im already about to drink bleach but because im a white chick its pumpkin spice

kween: beter no :(((

hats: Please no!!! :((( 

kween: what would i tell your children

soft_boi: fuck youre right

kween: i know

[soft_boi changed kween's name to soft_gorl]

soft_gorl: peter youre a bitch

soft_boi: takes a bitch to know a bitch bitch

mom_friend: Why did I read the word bitch so many times

hats: Now im lonely, i want a cool name too!!!

soft_boi: absolutly love!!!!

hats: Best thing about peter is that he sometimes people love and darling

soft_gorl: he has n e v e r called me that

mom_friend: He's never called me any of those either

hats: Wow you two are really missing out on super soft peter

[soft_boi changed hats's name to wonderful_boi] 

wonderful_boi: I feel so honored!!! Like im out here in tears

soft_boi: uwu

softboi: im going to scadaddle now!!! bye bye loves!!!

[softboi is now offline] (3:21 pm)

wonderful_boi: God peter is so soft

soft_gorl: so soft

mom_friend: Can't argue that claim. 

[soft_gorl, wonderful_boi, and mom_friend is now offline] (3:25 pm)

Chapter Text

[soft_boi is now online] (4:01 am)

soft_boi: would everyone please come online this is very important and no one can change my mind

soft_boi: but i need someone to ask me for my sources 

soft_boi: yall are homophobic how fucking dare you not listen to me and the words of the lord

soft_boi: the lord is me so fucking l i s t e n to me

[soft_gorl is now online] (5:02 am)

soft_gorl: peter go to f u ck to sleep

soft_boi: no this is very important and i need someone to listen to me

soft_gorl: im not the one whos gonna listen

soft_gorl: good night bitch

[soft_gorl is now offline] (5:05 am)

soft_boi: bitch

soft_boi: at least she said good night uwu

soft_boi: oh fuck i forgot we have a paper due oh shit 

soft_boi: fuckfu ckufkc fuck 

soft_boi: time to crunch out a fucking essay 

soft_boi: in the fucking two hours i have until school starts and this fucking thing is due

soft_boi: god why didnt mj make me do it sooner

soft_boi: fuckkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk

soft_boi: yall are gonna be mad at me now :(((

[soft_boi is now offline] (5:17 am)

[mom_friend and wonderful_boy are now online] (7:04 am)

mom_friend: Peter where the fuck are you? You're going to be late for school

wonderful_boy: Why arent you picking up peter?

[soft_boi is now online] (7:08 am)

soft_boi: fuckufuck fuck fuck i fell asleep fuckuck fuck

mom_friend: Did you stay up all night again? 

soft_boi: ,,,, yea

soft_boi: blease dont be mad at me tho

wonderful_boy: Was it spiderman business? 

soft_boi: no i had too much homework to do to even go out

soft_boi: i didnt even finish all of it and my teachers are gonna be mad at me :(((

mom_friend: What more do you have to do?

soft_boi: i still have to finish this paper 

mom_friend: How much more to do?

soft_boi: idk i think a body paragraph or two and the conclusion

soft_boi: im so tired 

soft_boi: i just wanna skip school and take a nap :((

wonderful_boy: Im sure that mr stark would understand if you missed one day

wonderful_boy: Its friday so it doesnt really matter

soft_boi: it does matter tho, ive missed so much school and hgnnn 

soft_boi: im just gonna crank it out on the subway and hope that my teacher doesnt get mad at me :(

wonderful_boy: I believe in you sweaty

mom_friend: You're doing great Peter, you'll finish it in time.

mom_friend: Plus, your English classes isn't until after lunch so if you need help just ask

soft_boi: will i be able to nap on one of yall 

mom_friend: Only if you finish your essay.

soft_boi: !!!!!!!!

soft_boi: really???

mom_friend: Yes but you have to finish your essay first.

soft_boi: god i love you so much mj

wonderful_boy: What about me????

soft_boi: god i love you too!!!

wonderful_boy: !!!!

wonderful_boy: So im just rereading back to your messages back a few hours ago and whats the tea you need to spill?

soft_boi: are yall ready to listen to the word of the lord?

soft_boi: aka me???

mom_friend: Please do not take long, you still have that essay to write.

soft_boi: fine, ill make it quick

soft_boi: so i was rereading the great gatsby cause im big gay and god nick and gatsby were so gay for eachother

soft_boi: like the subtext is so gay??? and no man would describe gatsby like that without saying no homo

soft_boi: im looking at you nick

wonderful_boi: I can see where youre coming from

mom_friend: I mean, it makes sense?

soft_boi: see??? 

soft_boi: do you think my english teacher will give me extra credit if i write an alternate ending to the book?? but make it lowkey gay without tell her???

wonderful_boy: I fully support you peter

soft_boi: uwu!!!

soft_boi: whats your opinion mj???

mom_friend: Honestly, I'm not going to say no to your dreams.

soft_boi: !!!!

mom_friend: But,

soft_boi: i knew that this was going to happen :((

mom_friend: You need to finish your schoolwork before you do anything else.

soft_boi: yea that makes sense

soft_boi: im at school now and i have half a paragraph left to write and the conclusion!!!

soft_boi: oh fuck i forgot to do the spanish book illustrations,,,,

mom_friend: One thing at a time Peter, don't stress yourself out over things. 

wonderful_boy: We can do a study/work night tonight!!

soft_boi: !!!!! im down

mom_friend: Works for me.

soft_boi: !!!!! oh shit im gonna be late for homeroom, ah fuck

wonderful_boy: Run peter run!!!!

soft_boi: im going!!!!!

[mom_friend, wonderful_boy and soft_boi are now offline] (7:45 am)

[mom_friend and wonderful_boy are now online] (12:34 pm)

wonderful_boy: sleeby.png

wonderful_boy: God hes really stressed out about everything rn

mom_friend: He really is and I feel bad because we can't really do anything.

wonderful_boy: Not really but i guess we can be there for him and help him when he needs it

mom_friend: He's such an idiot, these teachers are fucking stupid.

mom_friend: I don't know why they can't see that us students are stressed out about all the school work they give us.

wonderful_boy: Its really stupid :((

mom_friend: I should edit his essay for him shouldn't I?

wonderful_boy: Itll help him alot

mom_friend: Don't tell him though,

mom_friend: He'll feel guilty and would want to repay me back.

wonderful_boy: Got it.

[wonderful_boy and mom_friend are now offline] (12:56 pm)

Chapter Text

[soft_boi, soft_gorl, wonderful_boy, and mom_friend are now online] (5:04 am)

soft_boi: so mr stark wants me to add someone new to our cult

soft_gorl: reason

soft_boi: apparently hes around our age, smart(tm), and an old friend of mr stark so he wants us to be friends??

soft_boi: so thats why i called the council together

mom_friend: Why are we called the council Peter?

soft_boi: cause we all get together to make decisions whether they are good or bad

wonderful_boy: Lmao makes sense

soft_boi: so are we gonna add him in??

soft_gorl: hmmmmmmmmm whats his name

soft_boi: apparently harley???

mom_friend: I mean if Tony wants you to add him then you should.

soft_boi: mr stark wants me to do a lot of things yet i dont do them

wonderful_boy: Examples

soft_boi: not die

soft_gorl: lmao yea peter youre really bad at doing that

soft_boi: it be like that sometimes

mom_friend: But it shouldn't

soft_gorl: but it do

wonderful_boy: So were adding him in?

soft_boi: i guess???

soft_boi: if thats fine by yall

soft_gorl: its fine by me

wonderful_boy: Rt

mom_friend: I'm also fine with it but I'm not going to be his mom friend, I can barely handle you Peter.

mom_friend: Ned is easy to handle,

wonderful_boi: Nice

soft_gorl: what about me???

mom_friend: You're like Peter but a little better because you don't risk your life 24/7.

soft_gorl: ill take it

soft_boi: H E Y >:(

soft_boi: i take offence to that

mom_friend: Then stop trying to kill yourself every night.

soft_boi: but you love me uwu

mom_friend: Yea, I unfortunately do.

soft_boi: wait really???

mom_friend: Yes Peter,

soft_boi: holy sh it 

wonderful_boy: God peter youre really dense

wonderful_boy: She told us this last night when we were looking at tattoos

soft_boi: W H A T

soft_boi: I THOUGHT SHE WAS JUST SAYING THAT PLATONIC LIKE LIKE I DO TO SHURI

mom_friend: You know that I don't give out 'I love you's out so easily

soft_boi: what the fuc k 

soft_gorl: god peter youre fucking dense

soft_boi: shut up >:(((

soft_gorl: a n y w a y as much as i love a good relationship becoming a thing(?) can we get back to business

soft_boi: oh right!!! adding harley!!!

[soft_boi added gunner to fwiends] 

soft_gorl: welcome to hell bitch

mom_friend: Shuri I swear to God.

soft_gorl: /s w e a t s/

mom_friend: I take everything back about I said about you being better than Peter.

soft_boi: H  A

soft_boi: W A I T

soft_boi: >:O

wonderful_boy: How did you type that all so quick

soft_boi: i have fast fingers

soft_gorl: ;))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

soft_boi: SHUT 

gunner: did i come at a bad time?

wonderful_boy: You think this is a bad time?

gunner: its in that category

soft_boi: heheh cat-egory

mom_friend: Peter what are you planning,

soft_boi: /s w e a t s/ 

soft_boi: N O T H I N G

wonderful_boy: If you think this is bad you should wait until it actually gets bad

gunner: should i be afraid?

wonderful_boy: Just a little,

gunner: oh god

soft_boi: ned can i have one of your hoodies today???

wonderful_boy: No, you already have a shit ton of my hoodies

wonderful_boy: You dont need more of them

soft_boi: :(((((

soft_boi: mj can i have one of your hoodies?

mom_friend: No, you also have a shit ton of my hoodies.

soft_gorl: god yall are not even together and youre already fucking disgusting

gunner: im a little confused on who is who

soft_boi: oh!!! sorry harley!!!

soft_boi: im peter!!! you probably already knew that cause mr stark gave you my number

soft_gorl: im shuri

wonderful_boy: Im ned

mom_friend: I'm MJ

soft_boi: ONCE AGAIN WHY CAN HE CALL YOU MJ RIGHT NOW

mom_friend: Peter please let me finish my message before you get upset.

soft_boi: sorry,,,

mom_friend: But only my friends can call me MJ.

soft_gorl: or if your worthy like me!!!

mom_friend: I can remove that claim at anytime.

soft_gorl: shutting up now 

gunner: so what can i call you?

mom_friend: MJ I guess but not in a buddy way.

gunner: got it.

gunner: why does everyone have soft names?

wonderful_boy: Well, peter here is extremely soft so he changed our names cause he didnt want to be alone

soft_boi: thats now what happened

soft_gorl: you must be tried into the soft name cult

gunner: how come mj doesnt have a soft name?

wonderful_boy: Its soft for her

gunner: how does one get tried into this cult

soft_gorl: it must come to you

gunner: alright????

mom_friend: Peter, Ned, you're going to be late for school.

wonderful_boy: Im on my way!!!

[wonderful_boy is now offline] (7:43 am)

soft_boi: AH FUC K 

soft_boi: A H SHTI

soft_boi: IM COMING MJ!!!!

soft_gorl: god you are a mess

soft_boi: PLEASE DONT COME FOR ME LIKE THAT

soft_gorl: then stop being late to school

soft_boi: EAT MY ENTIRE D I K C

gunner: god you two are a mess

soft_boi: PLEASE LEAVE ME AL ONE

mom_friend: School Peter.

soft_boi: IM GOING!!!

[mom_friend and soft_boi are now offline] (7:56 am)

[gunner and soft_gorl are now offline] (7:57 am)

[mom_friend is now online] (12:03 pm)

mom_friend: Peter, did your hoodie just meow?

[soft_boi is now online] (12:05 pm)

soft_boi: n, no

mom_friend: Peter,

soft_boi: it,,, maybe???

mom_friend: Show me,

soft_boi: hold on ned has a photo, ill drag him on

[wonderful_boy is now online] (12:10 pm)

soft_boi: please show mj the photo

wonderful_boy: She found out didnt she?

soft_boi: m, my hoodie may have meowed

wonderful_boy: peteretcat.png

mom_friend: why do you have a hairless cat

soft_boi: aint she cute????

wonderful_boy: She lowkey looks like a nutsack

soft_boi: >:O

soft_boi: this is homophobia

mom_friend: You're bi.

soft_boi: SAME THING

mom_friend: You've still haven't answered my question

soft_boi: oh sorry!!!

soft_boi: i just found her in the alley way near my apartment 

mom_friend: And instead of turning back home to put her in your apartment you decided to bring her to school?

mom_friend: Peter you've already brought Sandwich to school!

soft_boi: well if i turned back i was gonna be late for school and then you should be mad at me! >:<

mom_friend: God Peter, what am I going to do with you.

soft_boi: love me??

mom_friend: Apparently

soft_boi: uwuwuwuw

[soft_boi, mom_friend, and wonderful_boi are now offline] (12:50 pm)

[gunner is now online] (3:03 pm)

gunner: i feel like im missing a lot

[soft_gorl is now online] (3:06 pm)

soft_gorl: oh you are

gunner: okay????

[gunner and soft_gorl are now offline] (3:10 pm)

Chapter Text

[soft_boi is now online] (7:34 am)

soft_boi: this just in i love ned and mj

soft_gorl: this is old news beter we been knew

soft_boi: mayhaps 

soft_boi: but this is so important just everyone needs to know and f u ck

soft_boi: they have no right to be this fucking c u t e

[mom_friend is now online] (7:40 am)

mom_friend: All we're doing is making breakfast Peter.

soft_boi: i know but you and ned are just so fucking soft rn!! and i can hear you softly singing and wowie my heart is really beating fast!!!

mom_friend: Fuck I thought you wouldn't be able to hear me.

soft_boi: i have heightened senses mj!!

soft_gorl: this is disgusting

soft_gorl: yall better stop

soft_boi: no!!! lemme show my love!!!!

gunner: so im guessing that peter asked yall out???

soft_boi: why were you ghosting us

soft_boi: also 'yall'

soft_gorl: you say yall all the time peter so shut your fuck

soft_boi: fuck you

mom_friend: Peter breakfast is ready.

soft_boi: B R E A K F A ST

soft_boi: HOLY sHIT BELGIAN WAFFLES HELL YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

soft_boi: MJ I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

soft_boi: YOU MAKE MY HEART GO UWUWU

soft_gorl: D I S G U S T A N G

gunner: yea this is lowkey gross,,,

soft_boi: HSUH

soft_boi: I CANT BELEIVE THAT YALL ARE COMING FOR ME WHNE MY S/OS MADE BREAKFAST

gunner: why are you so domestic when youve only been dating for like,,, a hour

mom_friend: I would just like to say that Peter asked us out when he was half asleep and supposedly in pain because he hit his ankle on his scooter.

soft_gorl: can we get a f in the chat boys?

soft_boi: ah fuck i cant believe  you done this mj

mom_friend: The masses wanted to know

soft_boi: idk if you can count harley and shuri the masses

mom_friend: Come eat your waffles Peter.

soft_boi: WAFFLE TIME!!!

[mom_friend and soft_boi are now offline] (8:04 am)

[gunner and soft_gorl are now offline] (8:05 am)

[soft_boi is now online] (7:33 pm)

soft_boi: q, question,,,

[mom_friend, wonderful_boy, soft_gorl and gunner are now online] (7:35 pm)

mom_friend: Is it that important that you needed to pause Harry Potter?

soft_boi: kinda???

soft_boi: i just wanna know everyones hp houses

soft_gorl: slytherin

gunner: ravenclaw

wonderful_boy: Also ravenclaw

mom_friend: I'm Gryffindor.

soft_boi: yea i see that

gunner: what are you peter?

mom_friend: He's a Hufflepuff.

wonderful_boy: One of the biggest hufflepuffs ive seen in my life

soft_boi: sorry i just love loving people

mom_friend: Sometimes loving people is a little too much

mom_friend: Just yesterday you got hurt

soft_boi: H IS HF

soft_boi: I DIDNT PLAN ON GETTING HURT

soft_gorl: tea?

soft_boi: no

soft_gorl: :(((

gunner: i havent known shuri long but im surprised that shes slytherin

gunner: i always pegged her as a ravenclaw

soft_boi: shuri is a full blooded s n a k e 

soft_gorl: that is infact true tea

gunner: but i heard from tony that shes smart???

soft_gorl: the snake is bigger than the brain

soft_boi: wow, poetic cinema

wonderful_boy: You say that all the time when you see mj

soft_boi: and you are right have you seen her???

wonderful_boy: Youre right i am a foolg

gunner: why is mj gryffindor?

soft_boi: cause she would infact get into fights

soft_boi: although verbal and not exactly fights she will verbally slam someone down cold heartedly

mom_friend: I do it because Peter is too much of a Hufflepuff.

soft_boi: i dont like fighting people!!!!

mom_friend: Sure Jan.

wonderful_boy: Blease dont come for him like this mj

mom_friend: Only if Peter stops being a dumbass.

soft_gorl: damb ned tried so hard to fight for your honor peter

soft_boi: im not a dumbass a l l the time!!!

soft_boi: only the majority of the time

gunner: ????

soft_gorl: this is tea for a later time in your life

soft_gorl: you are just too young to know 

gunner: im older than all of yall???

soft_gorl: debatable

gunner: no????

Chapter Text

[mom_friend and soft_boi are now online] (6:23 pm)

mom_friend: Peter I love you but please stop putting your hands on my face, your hands are extremely cold

soft_boi: but have you considered that you are tol and i wanna kiss(tm)

mom_friend: Could you not just ask me to bend down?

mom_friend: Or go on your tip-toes? You're not that shorter than me.

soft_boi: let me love you you meanie >:(

[wonderful_boy is now online] (6:28 pm)

wonderful_boy: I can not believe that my datemates are being cute without me >:///

wonderful_boy: I walk into my own kitchen to get a drink and to wonder where my datemates went cause they only went to make popcorn and here they are, being fucking cute with peter on mjs back while she kinda just stands there.

wonderful_boy: Well jokes on them i got a shit ton of cute photos of them!

soft_boi: ah fuck i cant believe youve done this

mom_friend: Please share them with me.

wonderful_boy: Absolutely!!!! 

soft_boi: KFSKFKSFKSFK SISIF

soft_boi: M J

mom_friend: What? I'll never turn down a photo of you being soft.

soft_boi: KFSKFKJSF 

mom_friend: It's not my fault that you're so soft

soft_boi: mayhaps but you dont have to do it in public

[soft_gorl is now online] (6:36 pm)

soft_gorl: can yall not be gross in the main gc??

soft_boi: no, i will be gay as i want with my datemates where ever i damn please you bitch

soft_gorl: at least do your gayness in your own gc bitch

soft_boi: hgnnnn fine but after this ill go be gay alone with them ;))))))))

soft_gorl: you are literal garbage peter

soft_gorl: absolute nasty boy

soft_boi: sis ive been knew

soft_boi: a n y w a y 

soft_boi: mj i have a very important question to ask you

mom_friend: What is it?

wonderful_boy: Peter please dont,,,

soft_boi: :)))

soft_boi: mj will you marry me

wonderful_boy: KSFKSKFJ PETER YOU BROKE HER

soft_boi: MJ PLEASE DONT THROW ME OFF YOUR BACK 

mom_friend: WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO MARRY ME

soft_boi: CAUSE I LOVE YOU???? IS THAT REASON GOOD ENOUGH

mom_friend: NED DO YOU KNOW THE REASON

wonderful_boy: OF COURSE I DO HE TEXTED ME THIS LATE LAST NIGHT

mom_friend: PLEASE TELL ME

wonderul_boy: IF HE TAKES YOUR LAST NAME HIS INITIALS WILL BE P.B.J

mom_friend: PETER ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME

mom_friend: STOP LAUGHING YOU'RE STILL ON MY BACK

soft_gorl: KFKSKFSKJF PETER YOURE A DUMBASS

soft_boi: MJ PLEASE ITS MY FAVORITE SANDWICH DDDD:::

soft_boi: i just felt you sigh for a really long time, sorry for make you mad :(((

mom_friend: I'm not mad but it's a little early to ask to marry me.

soft_boi: so eventually my initials will be p.b.j????

mom_friend: Perhaps.

soft_boi: !!!!!!!!!!!

soft_gorl: disgustang

soft_gorl: im just gonna drink sewage now

soft_gorl: yall are disgusting

soft_boi: youre just jealous that youre not us

soft_gorl: D I S G U S T A N G ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

[soft_gorl is now offline] (6:56 pm)

wonderful_boy: FUCK THE POPCORN IS BURNT

wonderul_boy: PETER ISNT ALLOWED TO MAKE IT ANYMORE

soft_boi: IT WASNT MY FAULT THAT MJ WAS DISTRACTING ME

mom_friend: It's not even that burnt?

soft_boi: im glad that mj is on my side!!!

soft_boi: but ill make you another bag if you dont like it 

wonderful_boy: !!!!!!!!! Really???

soft_boi: of course!!!

soft_boi: ill do it if mj stops distracting me!

mom_friend: You and your cold hands were the ones that started it all.

soft_boi: mayhaps but youre starting this one right now 

mom_friend: Fine, I'll go cuddle with Ned.

wonderful_boy: Im fine with that!

soft_boi: >:///

soft_boi: fine but please take the popcorn into the living room, ill be done with this one soon wuuw

mom_friend: You're so soft Peter.

wonderful_boy: Hes gotta live up to his name

soft_boi: uwuuwuwuw

[mom_friend, soft_boi, and wonderful_boy are now offline] (7:13 pm)

[mom_friend is now online] (5:45 am)

mom_friend: Peter you took all of my hoodies.

mom_friend: And by all of them I mean ALL of them Peter.

mom_friend: I'm not mad at you for taking them but please at least bring one to school cause it's supposed to be colder today.

[wonderful_boy is now online] (5:48 am)

wonderful_boy: Yea you took all of mine too but you can keep some of them, ill just wear a sweater today.

[soft_boi is now online] (5:53 am)

soft_boi: i have no clue what youre talking about

mom_friend: Peter please dont play dumb

soft_boi: idk what a hoodie even I S so could you please describe what it is???

soft_boi: also mj, im always dumb

soft_boi: ,,,, but,,,,, ill bring you a hoodie 

mom_friend: Thank you love,

soft_boi: akfksfkskfjskf 

soft_boi: do you need a hoodie too ned??

wonderful_boy: Nah, ill just wear a sweater today if you didnt steal those either

soft_boi: ,,,,,

wonderful_boy: Please tell me that you didnt steal those either

soft_boi: i mean,,, not yet???

soft_boi: i gotta work my way up to snatching your clothes

mom_friend: Next thing we'll know is that Peter will have our entire closests

soft_boi: eventually if we ever move in together

soft_boi: but i dont wanna jump,,, so like,,, yaknow???

mom_friend: It's alright Peter, don't worry about it, we're still in high school.

wonderful_boy: Lmao yall are still in highschool???

soft_boi: N E D????!?!?!

soft_boi: WHAT DOES THISN MENA

soft_boi: BLWASE DONT TELL ME YOURE DROPPING OUT OF SCHOOl

wonderful_boy: NO IM NOT DROPPING OUT IM SORRY FOR WORRYING YOU

soft_boi: KJSFKSKFJ YOU MADE ME TEAR UP

wonderful_boy: IM SORRY LOVE 

mom_friend: Ned please don't give our boyfriend an anxiety attack this early in the morning.

wonderful_boy: Sorry mj sorry peter :(((

soft_boi: i forgive you wuwuwuwu

wonderful_boy: !!!

mom_friend: Peter, Ned we have to go remember?

soft_boi: i dont wanna gooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

mom_friend: I'll let you hold my hand during lunch

soft_boi: F U CK i L O  V E holding mjs hand!!!

soft_boi: fine im coming!!!

[soft_boi is now offline] (6:45 am)

wonderful_boy: Lmao, hes so easy to bribe

mom_friend: A simple man needs simple things

mom_friend: And I guess that my hand is simple enough for Peter.

wonderful_boy: True,

[mom_friend and wonderful_boy are now offline] (6:48 am)

[wonderful_boy, mom_friend, and soft_boi are now online] (7:45 am)

wonderful_boy: Peter is that my hoodie?

soft_boi: idk what a hoodie is ned, i thought i told you this

soft_boi: also mj!!! heres yours!!!

mom_friend: Peter why are you wearing Ned's hoodie?

wonderful_boy: Im not mad i just wanna know

soft_boi: lmao when you messaged me i was already wearing it so i didnt really wanna get changed again so i just,,,,didnt,,,,

wonderful_boy: So you D O have all our hoodies

wonderful_boy: Right,,,,??/

soft_boi: i told you multiple(tm) times that i do not know what a hoodie is so if yall would kindly explain to me what that is

soft_boi: o,ope,,,, theres the bell i gotta blast(tm)

mom_friend: There was no bell Peter.

soft_boi: okay yall,,, i gotta go to class,,,, love you two uwuwuw

[soft_boi is now offline] (7:55 am)

wonderful_boy: He most definetly has all our hoodies

mom_friend: Of course he does, he isn't that subtle

mom_friend: Plus, we're probably not going to do anything about besides slowly steal them back whenever we go to his apartment.

wonderful_boy: True

wonderful_boy: At the end of the day do you wanna trade photos we get of peter

mom_friend: Oh absolutely. 

Chapter Text

[soft_boi, soft_gorl, gunner, mom_friend and wonderful_boy are now online] (7:30 am)

soft_boi: 'i dont wanna go mr stark' i say as i lay in my hospital bed, sick with small pox

soft_boi: 'you'll be alright peter,' he says as he sets up a air purifier, hes setting up the essential oils

soft_boi: hes practically shoving essentials oils down my throat

soft_boi: i can feel my blood run cold, mr starts true colors have shown

soft_boi: hes an anti-vaxxer

soft_boi: as i die he only sets up more air purifiers around me hes practically making a summoning circle around me 

gunner: peter are you acting this out in the kitchen???

soft_boi: lmao yea i have an audience around me now, cant let them down

soft_gorl: why is this actually good, like hes getting into this shit

mom_friend: When did Shuri come into town?

soft_gorl: a few days ago, ive just been chilling with peter and harley being dumbasses

gunner: FRIDAY has been recording this to the lab apparently then cause mr stark just started to cry

wonderful_boy: Damn, were out here missing a lot

mom_friend: Peter please stop making anti-vax memes.

soft_boi: i will not they are the only thing i have going for

wonderful_boy: Normally i would me upsetti spaghetti but youre right, anti-vax memes are good

mom_friend: I can not believe you two.

gunner: hold up gamers, are we all in town???

soft_boi: for the moment yes

gunner: ???

gunner: anyway, tony is getting annoyed with us so hes sending us away to disney for a day

gunner: so hes forcing peter, shuri and i out of the tower

soft_gorl: i havent done anything yet????

gunner: he knows youre going to do something 

soft_boi: ive done something wrong ill admit it

wonderful_boy: Mj hurry up its really awkward down here

mom_friend: It wouldn't be awkward if you knew how to pack your own suitcase. But please do come up here, I don't know what kind of shit you want to pack.

mom_friend: Also Harley, please ask Tony how long we're staying.

gunner: aight

gunner: he says a week

mom_friend: Alright thank you.

gunner: np

mom_friend: Also Harley, I'm not going to be your mom on this trip.

mom_friend: So no dumb things. I can barely take care of my s/os

gunner: i give no promises but i will try

mom_friend: I'll take it.

wonderful_boy: Mj hurry up >:((((

wonderful_boy: Also i call sitting next to peter on the plane

soft_boi: fuck yes!!!! i love sitting next to ned!!!! uwuwu

gunner: @ mj and ned, tony wants to know when yall are going to be here 

mom_friend: Probably around 25 minutes if someone comes picks us up if not probably 45 minutes

gunner: tony says happy will come and get you

mom_friend: Alright, I guess we'll see you in 25 minutes.

mom_friend: And Peter, please pack. I know that you're not.

soft_boi: /s w e a t s/

soft_boi: i guess that ill be packing uwuwuw but i know that ill be snatching your clothes uwuwuw

mom_friend: Please at least pack pants, you just can't wear our sweaters.

soft_boi: ;))))

soft_gorl: S TO p

soft_gorl: NOT IN MY CHRISTIAN GROUPCAHT

soft_boi: FUCK YOU IM NOT CHRISTIAN YOU BOOB

soft_gorl: FINE NOT IN MY WHATEVER FUCKING RELIGION YOU ARE

soft_boi: ITS JEWISH IF YOU WANTED TO KNOW

soft_gorl: NOT IN MY JEWISH GROUPCHAT

gunner: THIS IS WHY TONY DOESNT WANT US AROUND THIS WEEK

soft_boi: DR STARK CAN SUCK MY GOD DAMN DICK 

soft_gorl: THIS IS WHY MOM DOESNT FUCKING LOVE YOU

wonderful_boy: Mj just let out the saddest sigh and happy just looked at her through the rear view mirror and just said 'is it the kid' like nothing else but she nodded before shutting off her phone and putting her head in her hands

soft_boi: tell her i love her

wonderful_boy: I told her but all she said was 'fuck you parker'

soft_gorl: is this true love god i hope i can find someone who treats me like this

soft_boi: i mean theres a shit ton of goats in wakanda right???

soft_gorl: shut the fuck up peter

soft_boi: now i only need two more people to say the fuck word at me

wonderful_boy: Were here!!!!!! 

soft_boi: o god of fuck!!! 

gunner: i was just going to ask why i just saw a blur of red until i read the messages

soft_gorl: peter is stopping for no man until he reaches the s/os

gunner: plane time gamers

soft_boi: i will walk(tm)

mom_friend: You're not going to be walking to Disney

soft_boi: what about running?

mom_friend: Peter the plane ride won't be that long. Knowing Tony he'll just give us a private jet so it won't take that long.

soft_boi: hgngng fine,,,,

soft_boi: ill be on in a bit, lemme just go grab a bottle of water

soft_gorl: see you on the plan asshole

soft_boi: uwuwuw 

[mom_friend, soft_gorl, and gunner are now offline] (8:01 am)

wonderful_boy: Are you gonna be okay peter???

soft_boi: idk,,, i know that i shhould tell mj about this but shhghhg

soft_boi: ill probably tell her soon but i dont want her to look down at me cause of this

wonderful_boy: You know that shes not going to look down at you because of this peter

wonderful_boy: she really loves you alot you know

soft_boi: i know but its just anxiety

wonderful_boy: Do you have that fidget cube???

soft_boi: yea 

soft_boi: im also gonna hold your hand a shit ton

wonderful_boy: Im fine with that

soft_boi: uwuwuwuu!!!

[wonderful_boy and soft_boi are now offline] (8:09 am)

[soft_gorl, gunner and mom_friend are now online] (11:14 am)

mom_friend: I know we've only been here for about a hour but where the fuck is Ned and Peter.

gunner: a, are they not with us,,,,??

soft_gorl: they just were with us???

soft_gorl: hold up i just looked at peters snapchat story and im not surprised

mom_friend: I'm not surprised either, but I didn tell them that we wouldn't go there until the end of the day.

mom_friend: I guess we're walking there because if we leave those two there they will stay there all day 

soft_gorl: can we go on the tea cup ride?????

mom_friend: I don't see why not? But can we please get the boys first.

[soft_boi and wonderful_boy are now online] (11:26 am)

soft_boi: hewwooo uwuwuw

soft_boi: we have returned and sorry for abandoning you two ned wanted to go see darth vader

wonderful_boy: False, peter also wanted to see him too

soft_boi: >:(((

soft_gorl: i call riding with peter for the tea cup ride!!!!

soft_boi: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gunner: i guess ill ride with ned and mj if thats alright with them,,,,, 

gunner: i dont really wanna ride alone,,,

soft_gorl: ha what a nerd

soft_gorl: oh shit beter they said we can go on now!!

soft_boi: oh worm????

[soft_boi and soft_gorl are now offline] (11:35 am)

mom_friend: Those two are most definitely going to start something

gunner: uh oh her mom powers have been activated 

mom_friend: I will kill you right now Harley.

gunner: :(((

[wonderful_boy, mom_friend, and gunner are now offline] (11:37 am)

[gunner is now online] (11:46 am)

gunner: w,, was that shuri and peter that just passed us spinning really fast and screaming???

[mom_friend and wonderful_boy are now online] (11:47 am)

wonderful_boy: L, lmao i think it was

mom_friend: Oh my fucking god.

mom_friend: Those fucking idiots.

mom_friend: They're going to feel like shit when we get off the ride.

wonderful_boy: Hold up they stopped spinning and they both have the biggest smile on their faces

wonderful_boy: I got at least five photos of peter 

[soft_boi and soft_gorl are now online] (11:56 am)

soft_boi: can we go again?????

mom_friend: No, You're currently on the ground moaning.

soft_gorl: please????????????????????????????

mom_friend: No you're also on the ground but just laying on Peter.

soft_gorl: i hate this fucking family >:((((

Chapter Text

[gunner is now online] (7:30 am)

gunner: peter what the fu ck are you doning holy shit

gunner: yall i honestly think peter is posseced,,, like no man should be able to do htat

[soft_gorl is now online] (7:35 am)

soft_gorl: what are you bitching about???? 

soft_gorl: it really cant be that bad???

soft_gorl: I STAND CORRECTED HOLY SHIT THATS HORRFYING

gunner: WEHRE THE FUCK IS NED AND MJ

soft_gorl: I DONT KNOW HOLY SHIT THIS IS SO FUCKING WEIRD

gunner: CAN PEOPLES BODIES EVEN GO LIKE THAT????

soft_gorl: NO???????????

gunner: WHAT THE FU KC 

gunner: im too afraid to go make sure hes okay,,,,,

soft_gorl: i,,,is he even breathing???/

soft_gorl: hes been so still

gunner: do you think the others even know about this???

soft_gorl: probably,,,,

soft_gorl: but that doesnt make me feel any better,,,,

gunner: KSFKSDFSDFGHJKL

soft_gorl: AASDFGDHFSFSKDFJ

gunner: HOW THE FUCK CAN HE DO THIS

soft_gorl: HOW DID YOU NOT HURT HIMSELF??????????

[soft_boi is now online[ (7:49 am)

soft_boi: is everything okay???

soft_boi: i heard you two scream really loudly

gunner: PETER ARE YOU OKAY???????????? DO WE NEED TO TAKE YOU TO THE MEDBAY???

soft_boi: no???

soft_boi: im totally fine, why do you ask???

soft_gorl: YOU JUST BENT YOUR BODY IN SUCH A AWAY THAT SHOULDNT BE POSSIBLE

soft_boi: ive always been able to do this???

soft_boi: i mean,,, not that position in particular but ive always been bendy,,,,

gunner: d,,,,does your sos know???

soft_gorl: tbh ngl i would want to know if my boyfriend could do taht 

soft_gorl: like,,,, thats freaky,,,,,,,

soft_boi: oh i know its freaky!!!

[soft_boi changed gunner's name to tots] (8:01 am)

tots: reason????

soft_boi: you shot mr stark with a potato gun

tots: reasonable ig

soft_gorl: peter do this pose

soft_gorl: bend.jpg

soft_boi: aight

tots: PLEASE SOTP I HATE IT 

tots: DESPISE 

soft_gorl: THIS WAS A BAD IDEA

soft_boi: yall are going to hate me but that was like,,,, super easy

tots: im sorry WH A T

soft_boi: i could always show you how to do some poses????

soft_gorl: i,,,

soft_gorl: im good

soft_boi: pussy

soft_gorl: im fine with being called that because being able to do t h a t makes me feel things that i dont want to feel

soft_boi: like lust?

tots: PLEASE NEVER SPEAK AGAIN HOLY SHIT

[tots kicked soft_boi from fwiends] (8:14 am)

tots: finally

tots: the evil has been destoryed

soft_gorl: hes doing his puppy dog eyes

tots: im trying not to look at him cause then ill feel guilty 

tots: smart

[mom_friend and wonderful_boy] (8:29 am)

wonderful_boy: Good morning everyone

wonderful_boy: Wheres peter??? Hes usually up by now

tots: sinners get kicked

soft_gorl: were not looking at him today

mom_friend: You know he's only pull out the puppy dog eyes.

tots: he already has

soft_gorl: were ignoring him right now but hes sitting on the kitchen counter sadly as he eats his cereal 

wonderful_boy: Pics or it didnt happen

soft_gorl: babey.jpg

wonderful_boy: Nice

mom_friend: Can we please talk about how Peter got kicked?

soft_gorl: he can twist his body in ways that we do not like

mom_friend: Did you not know that he was a gymnast for most of his life?

[wonderful_boy added underoos to fwiends] (8:39 am)

underoos: YALL ARE FAKE MOTHER FUCKS

[mom_friend changed the chat name to Mother Fucks] 

underoos: thank

[soft_gorl changed underoos's name to yoink] (8:41 am)

yoink: thanks i guess

wonderful_boy: Reason???

soft_gorl: thats how i imangine peters bones 

tots: gotta say thats an interesting choice

yoink: it works 

tots: once again, peter shuts the fuck up challenge

yoink: hell no 

soft_gorl: do you wanna tell the class other things you can apparently do?????

yoink: dance?????

yoink: its usually with mj

tots: im sorry W h a t

mom_friend: As much as I love you Peter, you literally do not pay attention in lessons 

yoink: FA LSE

wonderful_boy: Every so often peter pays attention

yoink: mj is pretty and i get distracted >:( sue me

tots: aight, youre being sued

yoink: i

yoink: i have no money,,,

tots: tragic 

tots: you should of thought about that before you asked to get sued

soft_gorl: peter try this postion 

soft_gorl: thereisnowayhecoulddothis.jpg

yoink: b e t 

yoink: oh this is easy, i feel like yorue calling me a pussy

soft_gorl: there is no way you can do this

tots: false.jpg

soft_gorl: ogod o fuck 

yoink: ogod i forgot to stretch after this

tots: the king has fallen

tots: L.jpg

mom_friend: Please help him up, I don't want him to hurt anything.

soft_gorl: no

wonderful_boy: You okay pete?

yoink: uhghghghghgh 

yoink: i think i pulled a hammie 

wonderful_boy: Was it yours?

yoink: probably

soft_gorl: h,,,how many hammies do you have???

yoink: depends on the day

tots: terrifying why did i let mj add you back

yoink: a truly disappointing idea 

mom_friend: I can kick you again if you want

yoink: please no :(((

mom_friend: That's what I thought.

Chapter Text

[soft_gorl is now online] (8:45 am)

soft_gorl: why did stark just scream 'betrayal'?

yoink: lmao i shot him in the throat with a nerf gun

wonderful_boy: C,,,,, can you explain more,,,?

tots: no fuck you

mom_friend: Fuck you Harley, don't say that to my boyfriend

yoink: *our

soft_gorl: soooooooooo am i not getting an explanation?

tots: i g u e s s you can get a play by play 

soft_gorl: thank you 

tots: so i call tony into the living room cause lmao we had a plan so i run ahead and tony ever the dumbass thinks that we wrapped  the doorframe but ha get bitched on there was none!!! peter just shot him in the throat because he stole our skittles

mom_friend: Tony told me that he had to take the skittles away because you two were practically eating yourselves sick. 

yoink: minor details >:///

wonderful_boy: Peter, you always do this

wonderful_boy: You always eat yourself sick and its big dumb 

tots: maybe but you dont have all the facts

mom_friend: I feel like I'll hate myself for asking, but what facts Harley and Peter

yoink: we were hungre

mom_friend: I as Peter's girlfriend and, sadly, the appointed mom friend; I know that you two were only eating because you two were bored. 

tots: hahaahah lmao you rigte

mom_friend: I know that I am.

soft_gorl: wait where the fuck was i during this?/?? i wanted skittles too :((((((((

yoink: you were passed out like a bitche

wonderful_boy: Peter i love you but why is your spelling getting worse and worse this month

yoink: its pride month and not a lot of people can tell that i am the b of lgbt

tots: it is true, you are the bitch of the lgbt

yoink: >:O

mom_friend: I might be going on a limb here but people could tell because you are dating two people and one of those two people is male.

wonderful_boy: Facts 

yoink: but prid

tots: yo do you just wanna go to pride???? isnt there usually a parade????

soft_gorl: :OOOOO

soft_gorl: wakanda sucks ass and doesnt really have that

soft_gorl: cause it doesnt need it cause wakanda isnt rude to people like you white folks

wonderful_boy: Im not white???

wonderful_boy: Mj isnt either????????

soft_gorl: well you two arent bastards

mom_friend: Well Shuri, you are mistaken, I am a bastard.

mom_friend: Ned isn't a bastard, Peter is though.

yoink: true

soft_gorl: peter why are you eating skittles again

yoink: because i am babey

mom_friend: How long have you been eating them?

yoink: since i woke up tbh

wonderful_boy: Did you even sleep?????

yoink: never

yoink: i have regrets,,,,,  

mom_friend: It's been 20 fucking minutes since you mentioned this

yoink: why did i thihnk this was a good idea

soft_gorl: none of your ideas are good ones

yoink: btihce

yoink: it all tsates hthe same

tots: peter you good fam???

tots: theanswerisno.png

soft_gorl: L

mom_friend: Please tell the dumbass of a boyfriend to stop eating skittles.

yoink: fcuk yupo babe

mom_friend: Glad to know that my pet name is spelled correctly.

soft_gorl: are we going to pride???

wonderful_boy: Im down

mom_friend: I'm down as well.

tots: the old man says peter and i can go but neither of us are dressed so,,,,,

yoink: fuck clothes, im running away to live in the forest naked

yoink: fuck i dropped a skittle down my titties :(((

tots: since when did you have tittles

yoink: titties is a gender neutral term 

soft_gorl: what color

yoink: yellow

soft_gorl: well damb

mom_friend: Peter what the absolute fuck are you wearing?

tots: asdfghj when did you leave????

yoink: when hearing about my sos getting ready i jumped up cause damn, i love watching them plan outfits

wonderful_boy: Peter, i love you but holy hell thats bright as hell

soft_gorl: what is he wearing???

mom_friend: Whyishebright.png

tots: peter w h  y

yoink: i saw it, it was absolutely horrid and it gave me a headache so of course i had to buy it

yoink: what will my sos do??? break up with me???

yoink: hell no, they love me too much 

yoink: r,,,right???

soft_gorl: if i was dating you, you would be disowned

yoink: mj is laughing at me :((((((( 

tots: like you deserve

wonderful_boy: Im aware, i can here her from the bathroom

tots: ;)))))))))))))))))

tots: steamy time

soft_gorl: why is mj laughing???

yoink: its stupid >:(((((

yoink: will not tell

mom_friend: I'll tell you all.

tots: just say yall

mom_friend: No you Alabama bitch.

mom_friend: Anyway, so I'm doing Peter's makeup because Peter wanted it for pride and who am I to say no. So, I'm looking through my eyeshadow palates so that I could find a color that would match Peter's horrid shirt and I just hear Peter speak in the most softest voice I've ever heard and say, 'Moon Pies are made of 'mallows?'

yoink: neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd mj is being meeeaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnaaaaaaaaaa

wonderful_boy: Ngl, thats so fucking cute 

soft_gorl: whats so funny????

soft_gorl: its just peter being a dumbass

soft_gorl: per usual

mom_friend: It just made me laugh how Peter said marshmallows and how he's stupid enough to not know that Moon Pies are made of marshmallows.

yoink: i,,, ive never had one,,,

tots: w h a t

tots: e v e r y  o n e and i mean e v e r y  o n e has had  a moonpie

yoink: o,,,oh 

yoink: ,,,,L???

wonderful_boy: Im sorry im still stuck on peter calling marshmallows 'mallows

yoink: >:(

wonderful_boy: He calls sprinkles jimmies by the way

tots: that rustles my jimmies 

yoink: d i  e

mom_friend: The lads and I are heading out, we'll see you two at the parade.

yoink: love being called a lad

wonderful_boy: Peter please dont forget anything cause i know you will

wonderful_boy: Mj do you ahve water????

mom_friend: Yea

mom_friend: Peter you're going to fucking drink.

yoink: damn aight

[yoink, wonderful_boy, and mom_friend are now offline] (12:34 pm)

soft_gorl: harley you better have pants on cause im coming in

tots: jfc give me a moment

soft_gorl: you get no moments

soft_gorl: im coming in

soft_gorl: get your ass up wre leaving

tots: damn okay

[tots and soft_gorl are now offline] (12:38 pm)

[mom_friend is now online] (7:03 pm)

mom_friend: We're leaving soon so I'm doing a headcount.

[tots, soft_gorl, and wonderful_boy are now online] (7:06 pm)

tots: couldnt this be done off texting?

mom_friend: It's easier for me like this.

mom_friend: Harley is here, Shuri, Ned and Peter?

soft_gorl: here

wonderful_boy: Im also here!!!!!

mom_friend: Fuck we lost Peter,

mom_friend: If he doesn't show up in a few minutes I will go up to the performer and make them make an announcement for our missing lad.

soft_gorl: sdfghjkl you wouldnt 

mom_friend: I will, he may be able to handle himself but he is a dumbass.

tots: do it bitch, you wouldnt

wonderful_boy: FUCK SHES MAKING HER WAY TOWARDS THE PERFORMER OGOD O FUCK

soft_gorl: AAAAAAAaa.mp3

tots: AKFSJDFKSDJF I SEE PETER!!!! 

tots: PEOPLE DEADASS MOVED WHEN THEY HEARD PETERS DESCRIPTION

wonderful_boy: I mean???? Theres probably not a lot of people who would wear that outfit

soft_gorl: DFGHJKFSKFJ IS THAT A FUCKING PIGEON IN HIS ARMS????

wonderful_boy: OGOD IT  I S 

soft_gorl: helpful.mp3

soft_gorl: love how everyone moves when mj comes through

[yoink is now online] (7:15 pm)

mom_friend: PETER FUCKING PARKER WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU AND WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU BLOODY

yoink: no yelling :((((

mom_friend: I'm sorry for yelling but you disappear for most of the day and when you finally come back you have a pigeon and you're bloody. So please do explain before I get more gray hairs.

yoink: first,,,, its grey and uhhhh i saw a girl being harassed by two men and i was >:( so i punched them and i may or may not have been punched back but the girl is okay!!!!

tots: that doesnt explain the pigeon

yoink: he is gerald and he is friend

yoink: do you think mr stark will let me keep gerald???

soft_gorl: no 

soft_gorl: but you should keep him

yoink: i plan to 

mom_friend: Peter we're leaving, please do not bleed out while we're walking home.

tots: you know we could just call tony to pick us up

yoink: no he will be :O and then >:( and t h e en >>>:((((

yoink: and i dont want that

yoink: someone carry me

wonderful_boy: Im on it

yoink: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

yoink: that means its sleepy time

Chapter Text

[yoink is now online] (10:34 am)

yoink: good morning gaymers 

yoink: my sos both have something family planned and dispite me being an orphan, also said that

yoink: so im a dumbass but whats new

soft_gorl: you wanna do an experiment??

yoink: owowowoow what kind???

soft_gorl: lets try to make a boat out of only flex tape materials and set it off into the river

yoink: can i sit in it????

soft_gorl: im down

[tots is now online] (10:40 am)

tots: whats up sluts

yoink: science

tots: lit im joining what do you need

soft_gorl: a shit ton of flex tape materials

tots: aight, time to the store

tots: you sluts are coming with me

[yoink changed the chat name to mj and the science sluts] 

soft_gorl: sassy, i love it

yoink: bitch yo can drive

tots: yea??????

tots: i have been able for a couple of years now???

yoink: s,,,so is you not gay?

tots: b what the fuck does being gay have to do with driving

yoink: well,,, 

yoink: i mmean

soft_gorl: can Y O U drive peter

yoink: yesh,

soft_gorl: YOU HESITATED

yoink: I CAN DRIVE BITCH BUT SOMETIMES I HAVE EASIER WAYS TO GET AROUND

soft_gorl: >://///

tots: lets go sluts im leaving soon

yoink: damn bitch were coming

soft_gorl: ;)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

yoink: have you considered dying

soft_gorl: most days

yoink: wait no

yoink: you need to talk b??

soft_gorl: no its just a joke

yoink: hgngngn you sure??

soft_gorl: positive

yoink: aifht

tots: hate to break up the love fest but beep beep bitches

tots: just say you love eachother and kiss

yoink: aight, love youwuwu

soft_gorl: :O

soft_gorl: love you too bitch

tots: im leaving now you whores

yoink: jfc im coming!!!

soft_gorl: i think you mean we are coming

yoink: perhaps

tots: tick tock bitches

yoink: on the clock the party dont stop no 

[tots is now offline] (11:18 am)

soft_gorl: ha what a pussy

yoink: lets go boo, we gotta go 

soft_gorl: finenenenene

[yoink and soft_gorl are now offline] (11:21 am)

[tots, yoink, and soft_gorl are now online] (3:23 pm)

tots: alright so what do we need???

soft_gorl: a shit ton of flex tape 

yoink: maybe a barrel or container so that we can have a base for it

tots: you never told me what you two are doing anyway

soft_gorl: were gonna try to make a boat out of flex tape and float peter into the ocean

yoink: its how i want to go tbh

tots: idk if your sos will allow that

soft_gorl: which is w h y we are not telling them 

yoink: shuri you better take care of our children

soft_gorl: i will

tots: but why are you doing this

yoink: idk were just bored ig

tots: thats so stupid

tots: im in

soft_gorl: n ! i ! c ! e !

tots: quick question tho

yoink: 10 seconds go!

tots: so youre just making a boat out of flex tap things right????? but how will just tape and i guess the spray shit???? will just sink with peter inside cause peter is much heavier than the tape

soft_gorl: we are not listening 

yoink: i mean,,, youre not wrong,,,, 

yoink: so what could we do then????

tots: put chip bags on the bottom???? cause you can make a boat out of them

soft_gorl: so what im getting at is that we just buy a shit ton of bags of chips and just wrap them in the flex tape and just send peter off??

tots: yea

yoink: haha nice im in 

yoink: wait shit whos buying

yoink: nose goes

soft_gorl: nose goes

tots: nose goes

tots: FU CK

tots: i guess im buying everything like a soccer mom

[yoink changed tots's name to soccer_mom]

soccer_mom: have you considered not

yoink: i have but i will not take it back 

soccer_mom: >:///////////

[soccer_mom is now offline] (4:10 pm)

soft_gorl: we sneaking shit into the cart???

yoink: of course, were hooligans

[soft_gorl and yoink are now offline] (4:12 pm)

[tots, soft_gorl, and yoink are now online] (6:23 pm)

soccer_mom: are we ready to set him off???

soft_gorl: hell yea 

yoink: can we get one big send off picture

soft_gorl: ye

yoink: hell ye

soccer_mom: get in the boat bitch boy

yoink: jfc im going 

soft_gorl: goodbye peter you were the baddest bitch ive ever knew

soccer_mom: you were a bitch that i knew 

yoink: touching harley

yoink: shuri, you were also the baddest bitch i knew

[mom_friend is now online] (6:43 pm)

mom_friend: What the fuck are you three doing?

soccer_mom: o god o fuck s c r a m!

mom_friend: No, no scramming. I want to know what's going on

soft_gorl: n,,,,,nothingngngn 

mom_friend: Really? Because Peter's twitter is telling me otherwise.

mom_friend: screenshot89.png

yoink: were doing nothing !!!!! just having innocent fun!!!

mom_friend: Did you not see what you just posted? How the fuck are you in the river?

yoink: like i said innocent fun

mom_friend: Someone explain

soft_gorl: just testing out an experiment and the experiment is going good so far wuwu

mom_friend: Harley explain.

soccer_mom: uhhhhhh we wanted to test something 

mom_friend: And what was that something?

yoink: do not tell her >:(

mom_friend: Harley,

soccer_mom: shuri and peter roped me into making a flex tape boat and sending peter off to sea!

soft_gorl: i can not believe you ratted us out >:(

mom_friend: Jesus Christ, please reel Peter back in. 

soft_gorl: yes mj,,,,

mom_friend: And Peter?

yoink: yes my loving gf???

mom_friend: I love you but please do not be a dumbass. 

yoink: but its part of my personality!!!

mom_friend: I know and I love you but please keep it down a little.

yoink: ill try,,,, >:////

Chapter Text

[wonderful_boy is now online] (7:02 pm)

wonderful_boy: Classy name

soft_gorl: thank you 

wonderful_boy: Now that mj and the science sluts is out of the way, has anyone seen peter or has been messaged by him today???

mom_friend: No? Have you?

wonderful_boy: No thats what i was asking you guys

soft_gorl: ha ha what a n e r d

soccer_mom: doesnt he disappear tho???

soccer_mom: like often????

wonderful_boy: Usually????? Ig but he usually tells me 

wonderful_boy: Also, nice name

wonderful_boy: Where did you get it????

mom_friend: Harley drove Shuri and Peter around the town a couple of days ago. All over Peter's twitter

wonderful_boy: Ah lit

soccer_mom: eat a dick ned>:(

soft_gorl: now thats not very soccer mom-y of you

soccer_mom: thats because youre bastards

[soft_gorl changed soft_gorl's name to bastard]

bastard: youre not wrong :///

bastard: and why is bastards plural 

soccer_mom: you probably have some demons up there 

bastard: once again not wrong

[yoink is now online] (7:23 pm)

yoink: what would yall do if i brought home five puppies 

wonderful_boy: Peter!!!! Where the f u ck are you!!!

[yoink changed wonderful_boy's name to worried] (7:26 pm)

worried: Excuse you i have an excuse to me worrie d

soccer_mom: im sorry what about the dogs???

yoink: its a rhetorical question 

yoink: like what would you do if i brought home five puppies

bastard: amazing bring them home

yoink: story behind your name?

bastard: i was being a bastard

yoink: understandable 

mom_friend: Peter where are you?

yoink: an alleyway 

worried: In the rain????

worried: Peter what hte fuck???

soccer_mom: do you need someone to come get you??

yoink: no thank you i jsut wanna sit here for a moment 

yoink: im okay tho im ian an aleleywa iand i forgot to mnetion that im in a box

bastard: yo what the fuck is up with all the typos

yoink: rain and tears :(((

yoink: wheres the nose button

soccer_mom: the fucking what

yoink: the nose button??? you nose the nose button that you but on the emogjies cause the emogjis need to breathe and i dont wanna kill my emogjhies i love them so fuck much and they need to breathe you know???? nim not ready to become a murderere andgain 

yoink: wait nvm i found the nose button 

yoink: :^(

soccer_mom: what hte fuck just happened 

bastard: is what drugs feels like??? is this what being on cocaine is like in words???

bastard: peter you on drugs???

yoink: i wish 

worried: No!!!! Do not wish!!! 

yoink: >:^(

mom_friend: I believe that it's bed time for the baby.

yoink: not a babey 

worried: You are babey

yoink: >:^((((

mom_friend: You ready to come back Pete?

yoink: no still having a moment

worried: bad or good moment

yoink: -\(:^//)/-

bastard: what the fuck is that

bastard: bitch is you on crack

yoink: diy shrug emoji

soccer_mom: was the nose really necessary

yoink: yes your fucking nipple biter i dont wanna kill any of the emogis

soccer_mom: why am i offended by being calling a nipple biter 

yoink: -\(:^//)/-

soccer_mom: do not like

mom_friend: Peter you ready to come home?

yoink: not really,,,, i just need a moment of quiet so i might just sit here in my box and go offline 

bastard: you wont get a moment of quiet you live in new york

yoink: :^((((

yoink: i know 

[yoink is now offline] (8:03 pm)

bastard: ill track him

mom_friend: Thank you.

soccer_mom: is everything okay with peter???? like i know hes having a ~moment~ but his he ~okay~?

worried: I mean, of course hes having a moment and he should be okay 

soccer_mom: god living up to my name but is there anything we should know about and stay away from???

worried: So, peter is a very closed off person about these kinds of things despite his open nature and i dont even know a lot of things, cause he hasnt told me everything. took me y e a r s to learn these things. mj doesnt even know these things!!!

mom_friend: Facts.

bastard: what are these things if were allowed owo

worried: I mean,,, i can tell you s o m e things but cant really tell you the after effects if thats the right word??? so im just gonna tell you what ive observed recently

worried: so uh, peter doesnt like small spaces at all but will often press himself into corners when things get to be too much. uh, dont mention it or press up to him too close, just be there for him a good space away

worried: if peter doesnt know a building that well hell look at how structurally sound a building is both inside and out even if he does know a building well like school hell still do it but only if its a bad day

worried: thats all i can think of tbh mj do you have anything to add???

mom_friend: All I can think about is how Peter gets sensory overloads every so often if it's an off day but gets migraine like headaches more often.

soccer_mom: alright mom powers activate????

mom_friend: Only slight mom power activation. 

soccer_mom: alright 

bastard: bastard best friend activate???

worried: Only soft bastard best friends 

bastard: soft powers activate

[yoink is now online] (8:56 pm)

yoink: im ready to come how now, im wet and sad and i really want a hug 

yoink: but not like a short hug you get from those family memebers you never see except on the shitty family reunions where youre hella anxious and you only know your mom but i want the hug where youre kinda in the half asleep on the sofa wrapping up in multiple blankets while a movie plays in the background but youre not paying attention cause youre too tired

yoink: bonus points if your laying on top of the other person and your legs are intertwined and the other person has their fingers in your hair

yoink: yea i want that :^((

soccer_mom: thats disgusting tbh

yoink: my feelings are not disgusting y o u r e disgusting

mom_friend: Happy and I will be there in 10 minutes so just hold on.

yoink: yea alright,,,, ill be in my box tm

bastard: movie night at the stark tower be there or be straight mother fuckers

soccer_mom: but im already straight

bastard: thats what all straight people say :////

yoink: add the nose you fucking emoji murder

worried: Mj could you pick me up as well???

worried: Before or after you get peter

mom_friend: Peter do you have an opinion?

yoink: i cant wait a few minutes i dont mind

mom_friend: Alright, I'll tell Happy that we'll be picking Ned up first. See you in a 18 minutes Peter.

yoink: aight uwuwuw

yoink: but like quick question but is like totally rhetorical

soccer_mom: shoot 

yoink: what would you do if i brought home five puppies???

bastard: nice bring them in

yoink: glad to know that youre on my side shuri

soccer_mom: depends

yoink: >:^////

mom_friend: Peter, Ned and I are here

yoink: !!!! im coming out of the box and i have another box in my hands which totally do not have five puppies in it

worried: Oh peter youre all wet :(((( 

bastard: ;)))))))

worried: No, i am concerned about my boyfriend who is completely drenched because of this p o u r i n g rain

mom_friend: Oh my God Peter, you actually have a box of five puppies

yoink: n,,,,no i dont

soccer_mom: send pics

mom_friend: whatthefuck.png

bastard: aaaaaaaaaaaawwwwwwwwwwwwww

bastard: what did you name them???

yoink: we got abc, fork, glass shard, heavy metal, and airpods

soccer_mom: abc????

yoink: already been chewed you know???? like the gum???

soccer_mom: why 

yoink: -\(:^//)/-

mom_friend: Pete, I love you so much but you can not keep those puppies.

mom_friend: You already have Sandwich, Toast and Benadick Pussysnatch. Tony probably won't let you have five more puppies in the tower.

yoink: i know :^((((( and that makes me sad

yoink: ill probably just bring them to a no kill shelter after the storm ends i just didnt want them to die on the streets you know :^(((((

worried: You have such a big heart peter that it hurts me 

soccer_mom: b,,,,benadick pussysnatch???

bastard: oh shit???? you dont know benadick pussysnatch

yoink: indecent.png

soccer_mom: oh its a nutsack

bastard: please dont be mean to our daughter we love her very much and she does have clothes 

yoink: walkwalkfashionbabey.png

yoink: just a little ladey

yoink: fuck i miss her :((( i call cuddling with her

bastard: fuck you we have to share her 

yoink: >:^(

mom_friend: We have arrived and are on our way up. Peter is half asleep and swaying where he is standing, pretty sure he's slightly sick

yoink: fikc you im awaek and im not sick 

yoink: fucik i cant find the nose button again 

mom_friend: Bedtime for the lad.

yoink: love bieng called a lad

yoink: o fuc mj youre storng uwuw

worried: And the boy is out for the count

bastard: L

mom_friend: It's incredibly hard to type with someone sleeping on you but I call giving Peter the hug that he wants. 

worried: :((((( i wanna be in that too 

mom_friend: That's tragic. 

soccer_mom: well shuri and i made a nest tm so its gonna just be a cuddle puddle 

bastard: i also call peter!!!!

soccer_mom: we all call peter cause of communism 

bastard: hell yea communism!!!!

Chapter Text

[yoink is now online] (12:02 pm)

yoink: SHURI PLEASE COME HERE RN I A M SO FUCKING SORRY FOR WHATS AOBUT TO HAPPEN TO YOU

[bastard is now online] (12:14 pm)

bastard: why did my dumbass brother just walk into my room and talk to be about safe sex

bastard: but what the fuck do you want peter

yoink: YOURE PROBABLY GONNA GET A TALK BOUT SOMETHING HGNGN

yoink: o shit im too late

bastard: are you saying that my brother giving me a safe sex talk is YOUR FUCKING FAULT

yoink: IM SORRY 

bastard: WHAT THE F U CK DUDE

[soccer_mom, worried, and mom_friend are now online] (12:20 pm)

soccer_mom: what the fuck is going on????

bastard: idk cause peter wont TELL ME 

yoink: hgngngngng you cant be mad at me :((((

yoink: so i was doing some ~things~ last night and someone jumps out of the dark and basically says 'im gonna choke you' and im like 'aight fucking b e t' cause theres no fucking way that this mans was going to choke me and ha i was a clown needless to say and he chokes me and im like 'owo wow'. anyway i go to see mr stark and i totally forgot that i got choked last night!!!! so mr stark is like 'peter what the fuck is on my neck' now im panicking cause i cant tell him that i got choked!!!! hed go coo coo bananas and probably lock me in a bubble!!!! so my dumbass says 'o,,,oh theyre hickeys,,,,' and mr stark is confused and still slightly worried but just asks 'oh,,,, whos the lucky person??' and i could of said mj or ned cause !!! im dating them!!! but no!!!!! im a dumbass and said shuri!!!!! a moment of silence falls between us and its fucking awkward and i just dash out of the lab before he could yell at me but now hes just laying on the ground groaning 

yoink: so now shuri and i are dating 

soccer_mom: and you told tony that you f u c k e d 

yoink: no but is was heavily implied 

bastard: so is that why my brother came and gave me the safe sex talk

yoink: probably

mom_friend: And instead of telling Tony the truth, you just told him a lie about you dating the king of Wakanda's sister? Who is in fact a princess.

yoink: ye

worried: How long do you plan to keep this lie up??

yoink: until i die

bastard: does this mean that i get to date peter!!!!!!!

soccer_mom: *fake

bastard: eat my ass and let me have this >:(

worried: Place your bets to see how long peter will actually fall in love with shuri

yoink: I WILL NOT FALL IN LOVE 

mom_friend: Peter, you catch feelings so easily.

mom_friend: And because of how well I know you, and the fact I am forced to watch the shitty Hallmark movies, you two will end up falling in love or at least end up with Peter catching feelings.

yoink: I WILL NOT >:^(

soccer_mom: put me down for two months

mom_friend: One week.

soccer_mom: jfc 

soccer_mom: you will totally not make it dude

mom_friend: I know how Peter is. 

worried: So we got one week for mj and two months for harley

yoink: the only thing i will be catching is these hands

yoink: cause imma fight

bastard: beter my love uwuw

soccer_mom: *****fake

bastard: we may be fake dating but love is real >:(

bastard: anyway

bastard: my dumbass brother and i are coming to new york!!!!! 

yoink: oh shit????? why???????

bastard: idk but i over heard my brother saying how hes gonna give you the shovel talk and how stark is giving me the shovel talk

bastard: rogers is also apparently giving us the talk about having s e x

yoink: :^O

soccer_mom: oh shit?????? im gonna record that shit

worried: Please send it to us once that whole thing is done

soccer_mom: sure thing dude

bastard: PETER WE SHOULD JUST QUOTE ROGERS SAFE SEX PSA EVERYTIME HE SPEAKS

yoink: KSFKSFKJSKFJ YES PLEASE

yoink: so,,,,,,, your body is changing,,,,,,

mom_friend: I do not like that

bastard: you should sit like the psa too 

worried: Tbh, peter you do a really good impersonation of captain america

yoink: its from all the psas weve been forced to watch 

bastard: im so glad that i never had to watch them but i feel like im missing out on a lot of good inside jokes:(

yoink: so,,,, you got detention 

worried: Peter you probably know that one by heart

bastard: oh shit????? am i dating a bad boy???

soccer_mom: ***fake 

bastard: i will eat your fucking spine like a god damn noodle

yoink: j,,,,just because i know that psa by heart doesnt make me a bad boy 

yoink: mj knows it by heart too

mom_friend: Way to throw me under the bus. 

yoink: uwu

soccer_mom: wait holy shit??????

soccer_mom: mj the resident mom friend is a bad girl???

mom_friend: Truly tragic I know.

soccer_mom: i am in a chat f u l l of bad people !!!

soccer_mom: next thing you tell me is that N E D his also a bad boy

worried: Well,,,,,,

soccer_mom: WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO????

yoink: ned is ride or die and i love him

worried: I dare not say what happened to me all those months ago,,,,,

soccer_mom: is this what tony feels like all the time?????

soccer_mom: cause i feel like im getting gray hairs

yoink: fuck you its g r e y

soccer_mom: sorry im not from e n g l a n d 

yoink: im not either but i still know how to spell it right

bastard: ha ha youre an old man

yoink: babey youre the second oldest 

bastard: fuck

bastard: but as you said, im babey 

yoink: you got me there 

mom_friend: Peter's the youngest 

soccer_mom: haha babey bitch 

yoink: >:^(

yoink: fuck you im cuter than you >:^(

bastard: damn, my boo is out here spitin mad faxs

mom_friend: I'm taking a foreign language in school but nothing prepared me to understand that. 

bastard: its our own language youre not supposed to understand that

yoink: mad fax b

mom_friend: What the fuck

soccer_mom: sex.mp3

worried: God mr rogers looks so uncomfortable giving that talk to you two

mom_friend: Even more so that the two of them are repeating the sex talk psa

soccer_mom: im surprised none of them figured out that these two were faking it 

yoink: im pretty sure that nat knows but she likes watching the world burn so she wont rat us 

mom_friend: Mood.

bastard: beter its date time

soccer_mom: *******fake

bastard: b  i  i t ch 

soccer_mom: ah yes biitch, that is me 

[yoink changed soccer_mom's name to biitch] (3:34 pm)

yoink: im coming!!! where are we going???

bastard: idk???? wanna go catch some pigeons???

yoink: hell yea

[yoink and bastard are now offline] (3:47 pm)

mom_friend: They are totally going to fall in love. 

worried: Without a doubt

biitch: i still stand by my two months 

mom_friend: You doubt Peter's falling in love skills or at least how fast he does. 

[mom_friend, biitch, worried are now offline] (3:50 pm)

[yoink is now online] (3:34 am)

yoink: MJ !!!!!!!!

[mom_friend is now online] (4:00 am)

mom_friend: What is it Peter? Why are you even up this late??

yoink: I THINK IM IN LOVE WITH SHURI

mom_friend: Ah, only took a week and a half

mom_friend: Seems that I win

yoink: YOU PLACED A BET ON THIS?????

yoink: NOT HELPFUL >:^(

Chapter Text

[worried is now online] (12:00 am)

worried: HAPPY BIRTHDAY PETER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I KNOW YOU DONT LIKE CELEBRATING YOUR BIRTHDAY AND LIKE TO KEEP EVERYTHING ON THE DOWNLOW BUT FUCK THAT MAN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH AND YOU DESERVE SO MUCH SO IM SPENDING THE NEXT HOURS TO TELL YOU HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU <33333333333

worried: Thank god that youre actually asleep right now cause id be really embarassed if you were awake 

worried: ANYWAY IVE KNOWN YOU FOR A LONG AS TIME PROBABLY SINCE ELEMENTRY SCHOOL I DONT REALLY REMEMBER AND I FEEL LIKE A BAD FRIEND/BOY FRIEND FOR NOT REMEMBERING WHEN I MET YOU AND IM SORRY :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((9

worried: WEVE ALSO BEEN DATING FOR A COUPLE MONTHS BUT IT FEELS LIKE YEARS CAUSE WEVE ALWAYS BEEN SO CLOSE THAT DATING DIDNT REALLY EFFECT OUR RELATIONSHIP ALL IT DID WAS ADD KISSES 

worried: TODAY IS DEDICATED TO YOU BABE!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND IM MORALLY OBLIGATED TO MAKE THIS DAY PERFECT FOR YOU AND IM PLANNING TO 

worried: LIKE I SAID BEFORE YOU LIKE KEEPING THINGS ON THE DOWN LOW AND I REALLY DO PLAN TO BUT I WANNA MAKE THIS DAY SPECIAL FOR YOU YOURE TURNING 17!!!!! I KNOW THAT 17 ISNT REALLY SPECIAL AND ITS USUALLY 16 BUT FUCK THAT 17 BABEY!!!!! 

worried: TODAY IS DEDICATED TO YOU !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

worried: I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! <3333333333333333333333333333

[worried is now offline] (12:34 am)

[mom_friend, biitch, bastard, and worried are not online] (10:34 am)

bastard: oh shit?????? what happened last night???

worried: I was just spilling out my feelings for the lad 

bastard: what kind of feelings???

worried: Love

biitch: ha gay

worried: :((((

mom_friend: Where is Peter anyway?

worried: Hes still asleep 

mom_friend: Really? 

mom_friend: I'm surprised that he actually went to bed last night.

biitch: oh shit???? i finally took the time to scroll up and its peters birthday?????

worried: Yea but he doesnt go all out

[yoink is now online] (11:02 am)

yoink: im awake and uwu'ing

bastard: my love!!!!!!!!!!!!

yoink: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

biitch: *****F A K E

bastard: eat my ass you fucking sister fucker

biitch: >:(

yoink: b,,,,blease no fighting 

worried: No fighting on the day of the lord >:(

yoink: ,,, i am not a lord,,,,, 

worried: False

mom_friend: Happy birthday Peter, love you <3

yoink: ahtnk oiu

bastard: babeeeeee

yoink: i just got teary cause !!!! i love you two mj!!!!

yoink: anyway im bout head out 

biitch: where are you going????????

yoink: bouta get some puss

bastard: excuse me?

yoink: i mean youre allowed to come with ig

bastard: nice!!! imma get some nice puss

mom_friend: What the fuck is going on?

mom_friend: Should I be worried 

yoink: n,,,,,no 

worried: Your hesitance makes me worried

bastard: look were just gonna get good puss

biitch: you dont even know what the good puss is 

bastard: i dont need to know

bastard: i trust peter full heartedly 

yoink: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww babeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

biitch: ************ F A K E 

yoink: die

worried: Alright,,,, im gonna be worried for the rest of the day until you come back 

worried: Per usual

yoink: !!!!!! i promise i wont die!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mom_friend: If you didn't promise that would you have died.

yoink: idk 

bastard: itd depend on how things go while we get the good puss

yoink: and things go as planned wed be d r o w n i n g in the good puss

bastard: lowkey thats how i want to go 

yoink: rt 

yoink: babey were leaving now were gonna achieve the good puss!!!!!

bastard: !!!!!! hellllllllllllllllll yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[bastard and yoink are now offline] (12:39 pm)

biitch: are we throwing him a part tonight???

worried: I mean????? We could but as long as its on the down low like just having a get together with cake

mom_friend: I'm down. 

mom_friend: We have a few hours before the two of them come back so we could do shit then.

biitch: what are we even doing?????

mom_friend: I'm pretty sure Stark will let us have a fire on the roof so we could do that then a movie

biitch: and if not we'll do it anyway

worried: That makes me slightly worried

mom_friend: I know sweetheart 

worried: :(((((

biitch: are all of you coming over so we can set up??

mom_friend: Yea, Ned and I will be over in a half a hour

worried: Should we pick anything up on our way here???

biitch: a cake ig??????

biitch: shit for a movie like popcorn????

mom_friend: Sure thing, it'd might take us a while.

biitch: sure thing, ill get the fire pit ready 

worried: See you then Harley!!!!

[worried, biitch and mom_friend are now offline] (1:03 pm)

[bastard and yoink are now offline] (4:23 pm)

bastard: were coming home with a daughter who just happens to share the same birthday with peter!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

yoink: her name is astrid and i just happen to love her

bastard: birthdaylads.png 

bastard: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mom_friend, worried, and biitch are now online] (4:29 pm)

mom_friend: Why did you get a cat Peter?

yoink: because i love her

mom_friend: Shuri why did you let him get a cat

bastard: because i also love her

worried: Is there another reason why you adopted her peter????

yoink: because on her about she said all she wanted was to celebrate her birthday (which is today!!!!!!) and i was like!!!!! i can celebrate her birthday!!!! starting with adopting her!!!!!

yoink: anyway i love her and shes coming home with me :D

bastard: intears.png

bastard: heres peter crying over astrid after reading her about 

biitch: ha n e r dddddddddddddddddddddddddddd

yoink: :^(((((((((((((((((((

yoink: im sorry D:

bastard: well be coming home late cause we gotta stop at petsmart so we can get ~supplies~

mom_friend: Don't you already have food beceause of Benadick Pussysnatch?

yoink: yea but we need to get astrid a collar 

biitch: asstrid

bastard: do not fucking disrespect our fucking daughter like this 

yoink: OGOD O FUCK 

worried: I am w o r r i e d

yoink: THERE ARE FUCKING FURRIES BUYING LEASHES AND SHIT OGOD O FUCK WE NEED TO LEAVE N O W 

bastard: WE NEED TO GET A COLLAR FOR ASTRID 

yoink: I WANNA LEAVE :^(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

biitch: wait are you deadass serious

yoink: YES :^((((((((((((((((((((

biitch: pics or it didnt happen

yoink: ogodofuck.png

worried: Why is it so blurry?

yoink: i was scared

mom_friend: Cryptids in the making

bastard: afraid.png

biitch: ngl id be scared to and i see that 

bastard: weve left but they are following us

yoink: im so scared 

yoink: but look at our daughter!!!!!!

yoink: astar.png

worried: I didnt know that they sold star shaped tags

bastard: only the best for our daughter!!!!

yoink: theyre still following us but were almost at the tower

biitch: nice, just have friday send you up to the roof

bastard: why?????

biitch: just because

yoink: are we gonna throw shit???

biitch: we can!!!

mom_friend: No we can not because I do not want anyone going to jail tonight

bastard: we wont go to jail unless we get caught :D

worried: Thats a horrible mentality

bastard: but its mine

yoink: also mine

mom_friend: Peter please, I understand it's your birthday but as the mom friend of this group, I feel obligated to say do not.

yoink: :^((((((((

yoink: btw were on our way up!!!

bastard: what do you have planned 

biitch: porn

worried: No

biitch: :(

worried: There is no porn planned 

biitch: maybe on your agenda but mine,,,,,

mom_friend: Harley, I'm not your mom but once again, I feel obligated to stop you.

biitch: youre not fun :((((((

mom_friend: I'm not supposed to be fun, I'm the mom. 

yoink: but youre also my girlfriend uwwwwwwwwwuwuwuwuwuuwu

mom_friend: Perhaps 

yoink: :^D

worried: :D

bastard: whats up bitches!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! the bestest relationship youve ever seen has arrived with our daughter astrid who will be the queen of the ball!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

yoink: i agree full heartedly

yoink: oh shit who are we sacrificing? 

biitch: you 

yoink: :^O

yoink: oh shit

bastard: ill pay you 25 dollars to jump over the fire

yoink: consider it done

worried: N O 

mom_friend: Peter if you jump over the fire I'll tell Stark

yoink: bet

yoink: shuri i want my 25 dollars in cash

bastard: jfc i thought you wouldnt do it actually

yoink: tragic give me my money

yoink: wait so actually what is this for???

biitch: do you deadass actually not know????

yoink: no im stupid

biitch: jfc 

yoink: :^(((((((((((((((((((((((((((

mom_friend: It's for your birthday you dumb fuck. We know that you don't like doing big things but a friendly fire could be fun.

worried: 'Friendly'

worried: Peter just jumped over the fire for 25 dollars

yoink: i can do it for less if you think 25 is too much

yoink: ill do it for free

worried: N O 

yoink: too late im jumping it like the border

bastard: KSFKSFJFKJ JFC DUDE

yoink: :^D

bastard: dont be a babey bastard you whore

yoink: D^:

yoink: b,,,,,but im the birthday boyo

bastard: >:(

bastard: as soon as its 12:00 am i am legally allowed to deck you

yoink: ight thats fair ig

biitch: but you could also illegally do it now

biitch: and not wait for tomorrow 

bastard: only if i dont get prosecuted 

yoink: you wont cause you caught me slippin

bastard: nice!

bastard: i love murdering my lover on a crisp night

worried: Do you even know what day it is???

bastard: absolutely not! :D

yoink: mood i dont know it either 

mom_friend: Jesus Christ you're both messes. 

yoink: perhaps 

mom_friend: Dear God, its me Michelle, please help

yoink: >:^(

[mom_friend, worried, bastard, biitch, and yoink are not offline] (7:34 pm)

[yoink is now online] (2:04 am)

yoink: i know everyone is asleep but thank you for a great birthday uwu i love yall uwu

[yoink is now offline] (2:05 am)

Chapter Text

[mom_friend is now online] (8:45 am)

[mom_friend kicked bastard and yoink from mj and the science sluts] (8:46 am) 

mom_friend: Ned and Harley, please come here.

mom_friend: Mostly Ned but I feel like Harley is going to be like our witness.

[worried and biitch are now online] (8:51 am)

worried: I ahve arrived 

biitch: do i really need to be here 

biitch: oh shit????? where is peter and shuri 

mom_friend: They are the reason why we have gathered here today. 

worried: ????????????????

biitch: ogod theyre dead arrent they

mom_friend: No not yet. 

worried: W AHT ????

biitch: so why are we here????

mom_friend: As you know, I won that bet of when Peter will fall in love with Shuri

biitch: FUCk

worried: Oh yea!!! Peter told me that he liked her

worried: So thats why were here???

mom_friend: Essentially 

mom_friend: I just wanted to make sure that you were okay with that and not just saying that to keep Peter's feelings from not being hurt. 

worried: Oh yea!!! Im perfectly fine with it!!! i just want the lad (tm) to be happy

biitch: that is so digustingly gross 

mom_friend: Eat my ass Harley

biitch: will not

biitch: refuse

worried: Was that all you needed mj???

mom_friend: No,

mom_friend: Because Peter is a shy bastard and won't actually tell her that. 

worried: So were locking them in a room together?

mom_friend: Thought about that but I don't think that'll be the way to go.

mom_friend: The plan that I'm leaning towards is being 'busy' so that those two can go on a date.

biitch: but i wanna do shit too :((

mom_friend: Not about you 

biitch: :(((((((

worried: Yea i could figure something out.

worried: Theres probably a good movie out right now.

mom_friend: That'll work.

worried: Would Midsommar work??

mom_friend: Sure.

biitch: awwwwwwwwww i wanna see that movie :((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

mom_friend: Just pirate it you bastard. 

biitch: :(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

mom_friend: I'm adding them back, don't mention this two them.

biitch: wont they see the conversation?????

mom_friend: I don't think so.

[mom_friend added underoos and kween to mj and the science sluts] (9:45 am)

underoos: why were we kicked :^((((((

kween: what the fuck kyle 

underoos: i didnt do anything wrong

underoos: i cant vouch for shuri but i didnt do anything wrong

kween: i probably did something wrong 

underoos: so why were we kicked 

biitch: we were talking about how much of bastards you are

kween: why couldnt you do that with us in the chat

biitch: because if you heard the shit we were talking about you would be d e v a s t a t e d

underoos: my loving significant others would n e ver talk about how much of a bastard i am

underoos: r,,,,right???

mom_friend: Depends on how much of a bastard you are.

underoos: :^(((

underoos: i need a new name now 

[worried changed underoos's name to sticky] (10:00 am)  

sticky: thank you

sticky: i love it 

kween: wait i need a new name now!!!!!

[biitch changed kween's name to coochie_destroyer] (10:03 am)

coochie_destroyer: thank it i love it 

sticky: 'thank it'

choocie_destroyer: i will become the cock and ball destroyer if you dont shut up 

sticky: concerned

worried: Hey petey boy 

sticky: yes!

worried: My mom and i were gonna go see a movie today but something came up so do you want these tickets??

sticky: what movie??

worried: Midsommar

sticky: !!!!! sure

sticky: i lowkey wanted to go see that movie!!! but never go the chance to!!!

sticky: mj!!! do you wanna come with????

mom_friend: As much as I would love to come with and to be clung to I can't

mom_friend: I have the protest today.

sticky: oh i totally forgot!!! im sorry!!!!

mom_friend: It's not your fault.

sticky: can i ramble about the movie after i see it??/

mom_friend: Of course, as long as you don't spoil anything. 

sticky: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sticky: shuri!!! do you wanna come with while youre still in new york??

coochie_destroyer: !!!! sure!!!!

biitch: :((((

biitch: why cant i come with

coochie_destroyer: because because fuck you 

sticky: because because

coochie_destroyer: >:( meanie

sticky: do i need to go to your house to grab the tickets ned???

worried: Yea, but i would also like a kiss

sticky: damn cant argue with that

sticky: shuri ill pick you up soon!!!

coochie_destroyer: god im so excited!!

coochie_destroyer: what are you bringing peter?

sticky: a blanket and money for the grocery store

sticky: im also wearing a hoodie so i can h i d e the snacks so i can bring a hoodie if you need one

coochie_destroyer: i dont need a hoodie im good uwuw

sticky: okay uwuw

sticky: ill be there in half a hour!!!

sticky: wait when does the movie start??

worried: My mom said at one so you have some time

sticky: cool!!!

sticky: shuri!!! ill be there soon!!!

coochie_destroyer: nice!!!!

[sticky and coochie_destroyer are now offline] (10:45 am)

mom_friend: God I hope this plan works out 

worried: I feel like it should

biitch: this is still stupid by the way 

worried: >:////////////

[mom_friend, worried and biitch are now offline] (10:48 am)

[sticky is now online] (4:13 pm) 

sticky: mj and ned i need you now cause i only have a few minutes before shuri comes back!

[mom_friend and worried are now online] (4:15 am)

mom_friend: Is everything going okay at the movies???

sticky: yea!!! we had lots of fun but i just wanted to make sure that you two are most definitely okay with me dating shuri 

worried: Oh absolutely!!!! i just want you to be happy!!!!!

mom_friend: I'm totally fine with it Petey. 

sticky: okay!!! i just wanted to make sure that you two are totally okay with this

sticky: cause i think im gonna tell her how i feel!!!!!

worried: Go do it babey!!!!!!

sticky: !!!!!!! 

mom_friend: I believe in you

sticky: :^D

[sticky is now offline] (4:20 pm)

worried: Ha blaze it

mom_friend: Was that necessary?

worried: Yes

[worried and mom_friend are now offline] (4:24 pm)

[sticky, mom_friend, worried, biitch and coochie_destroyer] (6:23 pm)

sticky: can yall believe that im slowly collecting yall

biitch: im sorry what 

sticky: i mean,,, im dating,,, three of yall

biitch: im sorry w ha t

sticky: oh shit did you not know whats going on???

biitch: somewhat??

coochie_destroyer: i have one (1) person of this groupchat

sticky: its me!!

worried: Oh!!! 

worried: Peter you finally told her!!!!

mom_friend: I'm proud of you Peter

sticky: :^DDDDDD

coochie_destroyer: these two knew???

sticky: yea!!! i just had to tell them what i was planning so that they knew that i was hopefully gonna date you

sticky: cause if i didnt that would technically be cheating and i dont want that :^(((

coochie_destroyer: oh!!! i see!!!! 

sticky: oh shit will we have to tell the others that were actually dating,,, dating now or should we just keep quiet about it?

coochie_destroyer: i feel like we shouldnt cause they already think were dating

sticky: okay facts tho

coochie_destroyer: no printer only facts

worried: How was the movie anyway peter?

sticky: it was good!!!!!!!!

sticky: kinda wack to think that people actually celebrate midsommar 

sticky: just not at,,,, that,,, degree,,,

sticky: im sorry that something came up and you and your mom couldnt see it :^(

biitch: oh my god

mom_friend: Shut up Harley

sticky: :^O????

sticky: what do you mean harley???

biitch: it was all a ruse you buffoon 

sticky: wait what??? 

sticky: is this facts?

mom_friend: Yea

worried: Yea :(((

worried: I bought the tickets for you two cause peter, sweetie, i love you but i also know that you would pine over shuri until you die 

coochie_destroyer: awwwwwwwwwwwwww you hade a crush on me??

sticky: were dating

coochie_destroyer: minor details 

biitch: actually dating for a couple of hours are yall are acting like yall are married 

coochie_destroyer: perhaps weve always been married

sticky: if we wanted to get married we would need a guardians permission 

coochie_destroyer: aight brb 

coochie_destroyer: bouta ask stark if i can marry you

sticky: mr. stark???? isnt???? my guardian?????

coochie_destroyer: wait,,, like deadass????

sticky: yes deadass!!!

coochie_destroyer: wait what the fuck

sticky: i have an aunt??????

coochie_destroyer: what the fuck

biitch: waht the fuck are you for real

sticky: yea?????

sticky: di,,,d you not know this???

coochie_destroyer: i mean,,,, i kinda just assumed that stark was like your dad or something,,,,,

sticky: N O

sticky: i love my aunt very much u///w///u

biitch: i think the old man forgot that you have an aunt too

sticky: there multiple old men in the stark tower

mom_friend: Jesus Christ

sticky: i mean,,,, mr stark calls my aunt 'aunt hottie' all the itme and hgngngngng 

sticky: why does he have to do that

mom_friend: Have you actually tried to tell him that him calling her that makes you uncomfortable?

sticky: ,,,,,no

mom_friend: Maybe if you tell him that he'd stop.

sticky: this is why youre the smart one of the groupchat

biitch: were all smart in this groupchat???

sticky: but do you have common sense?

biitch: i- 

sticky: no you dont bitch sit the fuck down

coochie_destroyer: KSFKSJF FUCK IT UP PETER 

worried: WHAT THE FUCK

biitch: i can not beleive that i was fucking roasted by a fucking gremlin

sticky: :^)

Chapter Text

[sticky is now online] (6:01 am)

sticky: book

mom_friend: Excuse me?

worried: Im confused

biitch: what the fuck are you on peter

coochie_destroyer: okay mood but harleys right are you on black tar herion

worried: Thats oddly specific

worried: Youre not on black tar herion are you peter,,,,

sticky: oh shit!!! typo!!

sticky: i mean boo

coochie_destroyer: KSFKKSJD F FUCk

coochie_destroyer: bro i told you not to scare me like that

sticky: sorry bro :^(

biitch: i take back my previous statement

biitch: what the fuck are you two on

coochie_destoryer: personally? cocaine

sticky: tea 

mom_friend: Are you feeling okay Peter?

sticky: i mean,,, i sound like a boy going through puberty 

worried: you are a boy going through puberty peter

sticky: false im 17

biitch: you act like youre 12

sticky: shut the fuck up whore

coochie_destoryer: what are we gonna be doing for halloween peter

sticky: idk about mj and ned but im being a dumbass 

sticky: :^)

sticky: just so i dont have to buy a costume 

sticky: but idk i might be a banana

worried: Thats stupid, i call being grapes

coochie_destroyer: i wanna be the apple

biitch: am i allowed in this 

sticky: yea!!!!

sticky: its a group chat thing!!!

biitch: great i wanna be a strawberry

mom_friend: Do I have to dress as a fruit?

sticky: absolutely 

sticky: but like,,,,, yo udont need you too if you dont want to

sticky: i really only want a photo of us in fruit costumes

mom_friend: Fine, I guess I'll be an orange,

sticky: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hell yea!

sticky: god look at us were just a baskets of fruits

worried: Baskets of fruits

sticky: :^(

[coochie_destroyer changed the group chat name to baskets of fruits] (6:24 am)

sticky: god please dont be mean 

sticky: i am but a lad

biitch: you may be a lad but youre also a dumbass

sticky: >:^(

coochie_destroyer: i will be making fun of you but do you want to come with me to get a skeleton

worried: Why are you going to get a skeleton?

coochie_destroyer: i want a child

sticky: we have three children already

coochie_destroyer: no you have three children

coochie_destroyer: i want a child together

biitch: WAHT 

sticky: aight time to go to target

coochie_destroyer: nice

worried: What fruit is the skeleton gonna be for halloween?

sticky: uhhhhh shuri?

coochie_destroyer: kiwi

worried: Nice

mom_friend: Are you really going to buy a skeleton?

coochie_destroyer: ye

coochie_destroyer: i have a shit ton of money, im pretty sure i can blow a few dollars on a plastic skeleton

sticky: god,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,i wish that i could do that 

worried: Me to :(

mom_friend: Alright, I guess that I can't stop you two from spending your money.

mom_friend: Shuri, please don't let Peter do anything stupid.

mom_friend: Peter, please don't let Shuri do anything stupid. 

coochie_destroyer: alright!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sticky: okay mj!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[coochie_destroyer and sticky are now offline] (7:00 am)

worried: Youre really making those two make sure that they dont do anything stupid?

mom_friend: I know, I'm regretting telling to look after each other

biitch: theyre gonna get banned from every store in new york 

worried: Sometimes im worried thats their plan 

mom_friend: I won't be surprised if I see their names on the news for not being allowed in any stores.

biitch: i bet they wont

biitch: but it would be fucking amazing if they did

mom_friend: Do not tempt them.

biitch: >:^//////////

biitch: too late i am gonna tempt them

mom_friend: Do not. 

biitch: >:^//////////////

[biitch, mom_friend, and worried are now offline] (7:13 am)

[coochie_destroyer and sticky are now online] (12:46 pm)

coochie_destroyer: meet harold :)

coochie_destroyer: familyandchild.png

[biitch, mom_friend and worried are now online] (12:50 pm)

biitch: why were you at target for six hours

sticky: we got distracted :^)

coochie_destroyer: we got more than harold 

worried: Since halloween is coming up what is harold gonna be for halloween?

sticky: a cowboy :^D

worried: Amazing

sticky: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 

sticky: :^D

coochie_destroyer: theyre already wearing their costume cause its already spooky moths you fucks 

mom_friend: Please tell me that you did not get banned from Target

sticky: im pretty sure that we didnt 

coochie_destroyer: peter didnt but i probably did

mom_friend: Why.

coochie_destroyer: cause i destroyed everyones pussy

mom_friend: Jesus Christ Shuri, did you actually get banned from Target?

coochie_destroyer: no :(

coochie_destroyer: i kinda wish i did tho

mom_friend: No you don't.

coochie_destroyer: when im 69 ill do it

sticky: ha nice

biitch: ha nice

sticky: bro same hat

biitch: bro,,,,, 

Chapter Text

[biitch is now online] (3:35 pm)

biitch: who wants to come to a haunted house with me tonight

coochie_destroyer: im down

mom_friend: Sure.

worried: Hgngngngngn i guess i could come with

sticky: i mgith cling to someone the entire time so i mgiht

sticky: if one of you come out with a broken or bruised hand i plead the fifth

coochie_destoryer: peter you fight crime every night and youre going to be too scared to go to a haunted house with actors???

sticky: dont be a bully

sticky: im used to like being scared but like my anxiety will be Z OOO P and ill just be zoo p you know?

coochie_destroyer: oh yea i understand that

coochie_destroyer: could we go to a diner after it?

coochie_destroyer: i have a feeling some of us will be needing emotional support after this

sticky: wow just say my name

worried: You can just say my name

sticky: bro,,,

worried: Bro,,,

biitch: some days im very positive that you two are the same people

sticky: perhaps we are

worried: I wouldnt be surprised, weve known eachother for years

sticky: straight facts bro

worried: I CALL HOLDING MJS HAND

sticky: FUCK I WANTED TO HOLD MJS HAND

mom_friend: You know that I have two hands

sticky: :^O

worried: Deadass?

mom_friend: Deadass. 

worried: Cool

coochie_destroyer: awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww why cant i hold peters hand :(

sticky: fun fact, i also have two hands

coochie_destroyer: yo thats so fucking wack

sticky: ik

sticky: like imagine having two hands

sticky: oh wait i can

mom_friend: Peter I love you but sometimes you act like you're on crack.

worried: Youre bold to assume that peter isnt actually on crack 

biitch: wait i have no one to hold my hand :(

sticky: thats because you suck

sticky: but do you want me to hold your hand too?

biitch: only if you dont break any of my fingers

sticky: i hold no promises but i will hold your hand

coochie_destroyer: on god are we just making a fucking human chain???

worried: It sounds like we are

mom_friend: If we are what's going to be the order everyone is in?

sticky: uhhh mj you should be in the front and harley should be in the back

biitch: why?????

sticky: cause im a scaredy cat and if people run behind us harley will be the first to go and if people jump infront of us mj will be a stone and hopefully theyll ignore us cause mj doesnt get that scared

worried: Whos in the middle then?

sticky: i wanna be dead in the center on god

sticky: then ned cause he wants to hold mjs hand and i want to hold neds hand if i cant hold mjs 

sticky: itll be like an indirect hand hold

sticky: then shuri will be behind me because uhhh i wanna hold shuris hand so that means that shuri will have to hold harleys hand if thats okay with her

coochie_destroyer: is it possible that we just make a fucking circle so that were all holding eachother hands

mom_friend: How will we be able to see where we are going than?

coochie_destroyer: we dont 

coochie_destroyer: we use echolocation 

sticky: lowkey vibing with that 

worried: Of course you vibe with that peter

mom_friend: We're not using echolocation to find our way through the haunted house

biitch: idk,,,, im also vibing with echolocation

mom_friend: I don't care if you vibe to it or not, we're not using echolocation.

coochie_destroyer: youre no fun >:(

mom_friend: I don't care if I'm not fun, I'm the one who's keeping you four idiots safe.

biitch: were going to a haunted house were not going to be safe

biitch: especially with peter who will probably be swinging left and right

worried: But he wont be swinging because hell be holding our hands

sticky: i still have feet

coochie_destroyer: were not carrying you through the haunted house

sticky: :^(

sticky: youre all bullies ngl

mom_friend: Tragic, what ever will I do?

sticky: idk but you can carry me

mom_friend: Still not going to carry you.

sticky: :^(

mom_friend: What time are we going to this?

biitch: idk but dark a clock cause i want it to be even more spooky tbh

worried: Its already going to be spooky tho :(

biitch: i want it to be spooky^8 

coochie_destroyer: spooky to the eight power

biitch: ye

sticky: too spooky but i will try

biitch: ! 

biitch: does nine ish work for yall

mom_friend: It should.

biitch: peter and shuri i already know nine works for you two weve been together all day

sticky: a bad way to spend a day tbh :^//////

biitch: rude

biitch: ned does this work for you??

worried: Yea.

biitch: amazing 

biitch: ill send you the directions

mom_friend: Alright

coochie_destroyer: wait are we still going to that diner after this???

mom_friend: We can.

sticky: HELL YEA

sticky: im gonna get so many fries

sticky: and im n o t sharing

worried: Rude. 

sticky: i take that back, i m i g h t share

worried: :)

sticky: wuwuwuwuw

sticky: ill see yall soon!!!!

[sticky is now offline] (4:10 pm)

coochie_destroyer: do we even have ride????

mom_friend: I don't think that Ned and I do.

biitch: i can ask tony if he could 

mom_friend: I doubt that Stark would drive five teenagers and actually wait the time it takes us to finish the haunted house and drive us to the diner.

biitch: hmmmmm,,, good point

biitch: ill ask happy 

biitch: he doesnt need to stay the entire time, he just has to drive us there to the house and then to the diner 

biitch: or we could walk

worried: What about getting home

coochie_destroyer: the diner is close to peters house so owo

biitch: can his house fit four other teenagers?

coochie_destroyer: hopefully cause i dont want to go back to the tower

mom_friend: I guess that's good enough for me.

worried: We have the mom friends approval!!!!!

coochie_destroyer: HELL YEAAAAAAAaa

biitch: well come pick you two up in about uhhhh three hours????

worried: Works for me

mom_friend: Works for me too. 

mom_friend: See you two and Peter in a couple of hours. 

coochie_destroyer: fucking mint

[coochie_destroyer, biitch, worried, and mom_friend are now offline] (4:30 pm)

[stick is now online] (8:58 pm)

sticky: i am,,,, having regrets 

sticky: like,,, a lot of regrets

[coochie_destroyer is now online] (9:00 pm)

coochie_destroyer: youll be okay petey uwuw

coochie_destroyer: ill be holding your hand the entire time

sticky: thank uwuuwuw

sticky: sorry in advance if i hurt your hand a little bit

coochie_destroyer: ill be okay uuwuwuw 

sticky: :^)

[sticky and coochie_destroyer are now offline] (9:03 pm)

[sticky, coochie_destroyer, biitch, worried, and mom_friend are now online] (10:40 pm)

sticky: i hated that i never want to do that again please never make me do that again 

worried: Im gonna agree peter, i never want to do that again either

mom_friend: It was alright. I had fun I suppose.

coochie_destroyer: of course you would have fun mj

biitch: i had fun too 

coochie_destroyer: peter you look like a m e s s 

sticky: :^(

coochie_destroyer: amess.png

sticky: i just wanna eat fries with milkshake on them you know???

mom_friend: Aw Peter, you really do look like a mess

sticky: no need to rub the fact that i cried 

mom_friend: Come here so that I can at least dry your face.

biitch: such a mom 

mom_friend: I will beat your ass.

biitch: please no

mom_friend: That's what I thought. 

biitch: such a bully

worried: I also want fries rn

worried: time to go to the diner!!

sticky: im still trying to calm myself so uwuwuwuwuwu

mom_friend: Do you want my extra jacket?

biitch: why do you have an extra jacket?

mom_friend: Because I'm prepared.

sticky: yes please,,,h

sticky: i also like lowkey just wanna go home now cause im tired and want mutliple cuddes and perhaps even pajamas

biitch: i hope pajamas are like,,,, an absolute because i refuse to sit anywhere n e ar you if you sleep in jeans

sticky: i rather die than do that

worried: So should someone go inside and order then we go skrt over to peters house???

sticky: im ready for n a p s 

coochie_destroyer: on god?

coochie_destroyer: rt

sticky: hell yea this means big pile

worried: Amazing im so ready for the pile

sticky: the p i l e

coochie_destroyer: the p             i              l                   e

Chapter Text

sticky: why the fuck are they making frozen two

sticky: its been like,,, two years since the last one 

mom_friend: It's been six years since the first one came out.

sticky: im sorry WKHjat

mom_friend: Yea, it's been six years. 

sticky: SIX YEARS?

sticky: ARE YOU POSITIVE?????????//

sticky: IT CAN NOT BE FUCKING TWO YEARS

sticky: PLEASE SAY SIKE

mom_friend: sixyears.png

sticky: WHAT HTE FUKC 

sticky: DEADASS?????????????????????????/

mom_friend: Deadass. 

sticky: im going home

sticky: that s so stupid

sticky: we were e l e v e n 

mom_friend: I know.

sticky: are you not confused?!?!?!?!

mom_friend: No because I know how time works

sticky: its so wack to think that six years ago we were eleven 

[worried is now online] (8:34 am)

worried: Why did i just get a video of peter walking around the tower complaining about how frozen came out six  years ago???

[coochie_destroyer and biitch are now online] (8:36 am)

coochie_destroyer: why did peter just walk into the living room and flop down on the sofa face down moaning????

mom_friend: He's going through some stuff.

biitch: arent we all

coochie_destroyer: so why is peter moaning????

mom_friend: He found out that Frozen came out six years ago

coochie_destroyer: wh at

sticky: I RE F U S E TO BELEIVE THAT IT CAME OUT SIX  YEARS AOG 

sticky: WE WERE ELEVEN

biitch: i was 12

coochie_destroyer: this isnt about you harley

coochie_destroyer: because i was also 11

worried: I thought it was common knowledge that it came out six years ago??

sticky: i strongly beleibe that it came out two years ago

sticky: you can not change my mine i swear to god

biitch: okay bitch

sticky: you cant see me but i just flippe dyou off

biitch: whore.png

biitch: oh i can see you alright

sticky: >:^(

worried: Mood

coochie_destroyer: when you get lost in the sauce

mom_friend: Ned you're not allowed to mood that, you're supposed to be the worried one with worried moods.

worried: Im deciding to mood this

sticky: shuri i was born lost in teh house

biitch: who allowed ned to have some dangerous vibes

sticky: :^)

coochie_destroyer: :^)

biitch: why would you do that too him

biitch: hes supposed to be the innocent one

worried: Im far????/ from being innocent???????

coochie_destroyer: ;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

sticky: KSFKSDFJKJF SKTL PO

biitch: thats it, peter youre not allowed anywhere near peter 

biitch: wait

sticky: aight imma head out

sticky: it was nice knowing yall

coochie_destroyer: are yall having sex before marriage????

coochie_destroyer: d i s ju s t ing 

mom_friend: I'm sorry what???

mom_friend: Peter, Ned?

mom_friend: Do you need to tell me something??

sticky: KFDKSKFSKFKSJF

worried: NO I SWEAR

coochie_destroyer: KFKSFJSFKSFJ 

biitch: YALL NEED FUCKING JE S US S 

biitch: I SWEAR TO FUCKING G O D

sticky: KSFKJSFKSDFKJSKDJF YALL NEED TO SHUT THE FUCK UP

mom_friend: Jesus fucking Christ. 

coochie_destroyer: IM TELLING STARK

sticky: KFKSFKSKJF N O 

sticky: SKFKSDFKJS FHES ACTUALLY OGING 

sticky: O GOD O FUCK IM SO FUCKING SCEWED

biitch: L

worried: Good luck

sticky: >:^(

mom_friend: You got yourself in this mess. 

mom_friend: You have to pay the consequences.

sticky: youre supposed to be on my side babe :^(

mom_friend: I usually am if you're not a complete ass.

coochie_destroyer: dumb of ass

coochie_destroyer: thick of heart

sticky: KKSFKSF SHURI YOURE BACK

coochie_destroyer: expect a talk from stark soon :^)

worried: Lmao rip

sticky: :^(

sticky: :0(

biitch: what was that last one???

sticky: c,,,,clwon

biitch: ha

biitch: clown ass mother fucker

sticky: so mean :^((((((

biitch: :)

Chapter Text

[mom_friend and worried are now online] (8:49 pm)

mom_friend: Harley not to be a bitch but you gotta get off your ass and tell Peter that you like him.

mom_friend: I hate seeing you pine over him, it gets super annoying after a while.

biitch: IM NOT PINEING OVER YOU BOYFRIEND 

mom_friend: Everyone knows that you like him Harley.

worried: Except peter tbh 

worried: But hes a little dense

mom_friend: That is correct.

mom_friend: Anyway, just try to woo him or at least get the balls to at least tell him your feelings.

biitch: hgngngngngngngnngngn youre so meeeeeannnnn

mom_friend: I hold no remorse. 

biitch: so mean >:(

biitch: i dont even know how to 'woo' peter

worried: Be yourself but not

biitch: wow thanks

worried: :)

biitch: hgngngn i guess that there is no getting out of this for me 

worried: Nope

mom_friend: Even if you tried you couldn't.

biitch: thanks yall

mom_friend: You're quite welcome.

worried: Yall

biitch: eat my entire ass 

worried: Save that for peter

biitch: jfc 

[biitch, worried, and mom_friend are now offline] (9:12 pm)

[sticky is now online] (7:23 am)

sticky: good morning everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sticky: i have been up since 4 am shoveling!!! :^D

sticky: i am vvvv tired but i feel good about helping uwu

[biitch is now online] (7:27 am)

biitch: morning darlin' 

biitch: why were you up so early shoveling???

sticky: because my aunts car was snowed it from the plows so i had to shovel it out, i had to shovel the sidewalk or at least the sidewalk thats on my side of the street aka the whole sidewalk on that side of the block and i had to ice everything to make sure that no one slipped throughout the day

biitch: how considerate of you darlin

sticky: akfkskfskkdf whats with all the darlin stuff???

sticky: cause idk if that last message was supposed to be sarcastic or not :^(

sticky: also you n e v e r say darlin you usually call me bitch :^(

biitch: am i not allowed to do a 360?

sticky: that means youre just back on your bullshit

biitch: ah my mistake darlin i mean 180

sticky: hm, i will accept?

sticky: anyway i am mvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvvv cold

biitch: are you inside???

sticky: uh yes?

biitch: i feel like youre lying doll

sticky: perhaps 

biitch: so you are outside?????

sticky: promise you wont tell mj but yes 

biitch: why?????????????????????????????????/

biitch: i thought that you finished shoveling?

sticky: oh i did but i saw a few old folks walking about with groceries and i was like !!!! o god o fuck what if they slip??? so ive been helping people 

biitch: you have a heart of gold holy shit

sticky: :^D

sticky: i did get a free churro and pretzel out of it and god i am monching

sticky: but i might as well shovel the whole block while im at it 

biitch: what a good samaritan you are

sticky: im jewish

biitch: a samaritan is literally someone who just does good deeds

sticky: OH!

sticky: i guess that i am uwuw

sticky: i can not feel my limbs anymore 

biitch: wha t

sticky: i think im just so cold that i just cant feel my limbs anymore?????

biitch: please go inside and warm up for a little bit before you go back out there

biitch: actually scratch that

biitch: ill be there in about 20 minutes, stay inside until i arrive

biitch: im helping you shovel 

sticky: akfskfksfkj YOU DONT NEED TO

biitch: i feel like mj would literally k i l l me if i let you freeze outside 

sticky: well she cant kill you if we both die

biitch: what does that mean

sticky: it means wear warm clothes

biitch: are y o u wearing warm clothes?

sticky: u,,, uh maybe???

biitch: what are you wearing??

sticky: uhhh fuzzy socks, uggs, jeans, gloves, a hoodie and a hat

biitch: no winter jacket???

sticky: no,,,

sticky: i dont like the texture of winter clothes' fabrics :^(

sticky: it makes my body go ae

biitch: ae?

sticky: correct

biitch: alright

biitch: do you at least have a warm zip up hoodie?

sticky: uhhh i dont think so?

biitch: alright ill bring you one of mine

sticky: owo

sticky: deadass???

biitch: deadass

biitch: it might take me a little while longer to get there but itll be worth it so we wont have a pete-icicle

sticky: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

biitch: should i bring a shovel as well???

sticky: uhhh i think i might have a second one but its vvvvv old so you should probably bring another one

biitch: alright ill be there in 35 minutes

biitch: when i arrive and i see you outside shoveling i will personally shove my first up your ass

sticky: yea yea i understand i wont be a dumbass

biitch: pinky promise??

sticky: pinky promise uwu

biitch: thank you doll

sticky: akfksfkjsfjks f

biitch: see you soon doll

[biitch is now offline] (8:10 am)

sticky: kafkjskjdf what the fu kc 

[sticky is now offline] (8:11 am)

[biitch is now online] (8:41 am)

biitch: im here darlin open up the door im freezing my balls off

[sticky is now online] (8:43 am)

sticky: the door is open!!!!! 

sticky: if youre gonna come in for a little bit while just take off your boots uwuw

biitch: theres a really bad draft in the hallway doll

sticky: yea i know :^(

sticky: doesnt really help when our apartment is cold too somedays 

biitch: damn it really is cold

sticky: yea :^(

sticky: thats why theres thousands of blankets on ever chair and bed here

biitch: okay but mood

sticky: im ready to go out!!!!!

biitch: put on the damn zip up before you go running outside

sticky: yea yea i know

sticky: jfccccc you have long as arms

sticky: im practically swimming in it 

biitch: really? 

biitch: thats actually a little small for me

sticky: jffjfc

biitch: you really are just a little doll

sticky: >:^( okay boob

[sticky and biitch are now offline] (9:01 am)

[sticky and biitch are now online] (1:45 pm)

sticky: im so tired 

sticky: i just hgngngngn

sticky: it is now nap time for me 

biitch: at least get out of your wet clothes before you fall asleep

sticky: they wouldnt be wet if you didnt throw snowballs at me 

biitch: perhaps but i hold no regrets

sticky: >:^(

sticky: could you make hot chocolate while i go change please???

sticky: as payment for getting me wet uwuwu

sticky: you cant make yourself a cup too if you want uwuw

biitch: i guess i could doll 

sticky: im keeping this jacket on btw and you cant change my mind

biitch: sure thing 

sticky: :^D

biitch: i know youre busy and getting changed and all but i lowkey highkey like you 

biitch: you totally dont need to feel the same way i just need to tell you this before it totally eats me up inside

sticky: wait deadass??? 

sticky: you feel the same???

biitch: wait what??

sticky: oh yea 

sticky: i just need to like,, run this past my other s/os if thats fine by you??

biitch: thats fine by me 

biitch: mj and ned already know tho

sticky: wha t

biitch: yea they told me to woo you last night

sticky: those mother fuckers

sticky: so i only need to tell shuri???

biitch: appears so

sticky: aight 

sticky: ill do it later uwuw

biitch: dont put it off too far so that you forget it

sticky: i wont uwu

sticky: ill set an alarm to tell her tonight when shes up uwu

biitch: very well

sticky: :^DDD

Chapter Text

[sticky is now online] (6:34 am)

sticky: only 12 days into 2020 and i want to d i e 

coochie_destroyer: bitch me too the fuck

sticky: im just AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaa i dont wanna live anymore

sticky: but i wont be drafted for ww3 so thats a plus

coochie_destroyer: me neither the fuck

sticky: bitch thats because you dont like in the us of america

coochie_destroyer: why would i

sticky: to kiss me of course

coochie_destroyer: you got me there

sticky: of course i did i am a smart noggin 

[mom_friend is now online] (6:47 am)

mom_friend: Peter come back, you have to study

sticky: I DONT WANNAN 

sticky: IM JUST GONNA BE A STRIPPER FUCK YOU

coochie_destroyer: can i specifically request you peter?

sticky: duh of course you can

coochie_destroyer: thank god

mom_friend: Peter if you don't get out of the bathroom right now I will fucking kick the door open whether you are shitting or not.

sticky: fucking bet

mom_friend: Alright,

sticky: KFJSKFJ UCKD FIM COMING MJ HOLY FUCK DONT BREAK THE FUCKING DORO DOWN 

coochie_destroyer: ha you bit

coochie_destroyer: ch

mom_friend: Break is over Pete, you have to finish studying for finals that in less than three days

sticky: but im nothing but a dumb baby

mom_friend: Wa, wa, too bad babe. I love you but i refuse to care you through finals.

sticky: boo you whore

sticky: guess im gonna go study now :^(

mom_friend: That's what I thought. 

[sticky, coochie_destroyer, and mom_friend are now offline] (7:03 am)

[sticky is now online] (8:23 pm)

sticky: we are finally done studying!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[mom_friend, worried, coochie_destroyer, and biitch are now online] (8:25 pm)

mom_friend: Remember how both of you promised that you will study everyday until you finished your finals?

sticky: yes mj :^(

worried: How could we forget with the threat of you kicking our asses if we didnt?

sticky: facts tho

biitch: damb mj is p scary

sticky: oh absolutely but i love her

sticky: oh that reminds me!!!! i gotta change the gc name uwu

[sticky changed the chat name to peters harem plus mj]

coochie_destroyer: thanks i hate it

sticky: :^))))

biitch: why is mj the only one out of the harem???

sticky: because im her bitch

worried: Are you implying that the three of us who are also dating you are your bitches

sticky: if thats how you interpret it then yes

coochie_destroyer: i already knew that im beters pitch

sticky: thatnk you bitch uwuw

sticky: mj is also not inclucded in the harem because i am afraid that she will kill me if i even think of calling her a bitch

mom_friend: You are correct. 

sticky: :^D

biitch: wait if youre done studying for tonight can we all just vibe together 

coochie_destroyer: bitch i am not in america

biitch: that sounds like a you problem 

coochie_destroyer: perhaps

sticky: please????? toast and sandwich are missing you :^(

coochie_destroyer: omw

worried: Damn, shuri really is peters bitch

coochie_destroyer: and i am D A M N proud about it 

coochie_destroyer: omg what if i made pins that just said 'peters bitch'

sticky: your brother would kill me 

sticky: you know what fuck it, do it, i carave death

biitch: carave

sticky: i now only have one (1) boyfriend

biitch: :((((((

coochie_destroyer: anyway, im now on my way to your apartment peter 

sticky: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! coolio!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

mom_friend: How long because Peter will not be staying up all night to greet you.

coochie_destroyer: in a hour or so 

coochie_destroyer: remember im rich???

worried: God i wish that was me

sticky: ned baby it will be you when i become a stripper

worried: Oh thank God i was getting worried that i wouldnt be rich

sticky: uwu

sticky: @ harley what time is it

biitch: bitch is you blind, can you not see the time at the top of your phone???

biitch: but its 9 pm

sticky: wrong

sticky: its knight time

biitch: bitch do you mean night??

sticky: no 

sticky: sir.png

biitch: whre the fuck did you get a suit of armor 

sticky: ;^^^)))))

coochie_destroyer: damn, looking pretty fucking hot peter

sticky: its my metal cock

coochie_destroyer: FKSFJSDKFJSDKJFJ FKJSFKSFJK 

worried: JESUS CRHIST PETER

mom_friend: I suddenly only have one boyfriend

biitch: nvm i dont wanna go to your house now

sticky: tragic, at least ill have shuri

coochie_destroyer: oh absolutely

coochie_destroyer: you better have your suit of armor on when i arrive

sticky: wouldnt even imagine taking it off for you

coochie_destroyer: damn, get yourself a man who wears a suit of armor for you

biitch: thats fucking disgusting

mom_friend: I'm going to have to agree, that conversation wasn't the best.

sticky: thats because youre jealous of what we have

coochie_destroyer: ned whats your opinion on this?

worried: Peter in a suit of armor is nice, shuri i agree 

coochie_destroyer: H A 

mom_friend: I am now single. 

sticky: thats an L on your part mj, you will now be missing out on me in a suit of armor

mom_friend: Oh no, what ever will I do. 

Chapter Text

coochie_destroyer: peter babe????

coochie_destroyer: you okay????

biitch: what happened?????

worried: Oh God did Peter do something stupid?

coochie_destroyer: perhaps but were on call rn and he's kinda just sitting there staring at his phone and idk if he is either breathing or blinking

[sticky is online] (10:34 am) 

sticky: how do you spell gorjes

biitch: what???

sticky: how do you spell goreuse

coochie_destroyer: im so fucking sorry but this is is so fucking funny holy shiyyjxjdjdhrhd

worried: Peter are you having a stroke?

sticky: maybe 

sticky: but this is a time sensitive question

sticky: so how do you spell gorgeus

biitch: how have you managed to spell gorgeous three different times 

sticky: cause idk how to spell it :^((((

sticky: but thank you for answer my question uwuwuwuw

coochie_destoryer: what's this for???

sticky: compliments :^D

[mom_friend is now online] (11:14 am)

mom_friend: Now that I'm rereading these messages, I'm now understanding why it took Peter almost a hour to reply to my text.

sticky: only the best for youwuwuwu <3333

mom_friend: Thank you. 

mom_friend: But why did it take you a hour to reply back.

sticky: cause im stupid

sticky: now please rate my outfit for going outdoors

sticky: we ran out of good food and i need to look my best for the essential workers

coochie_destroyer: 1000000/10

worried: You don't even know what the fit looks like 

coochie_destroyer: perhaps but peters fits are always fire B)

biitch: literally false 

biitch: you remember when he wore that suit of armor????

coochie_destroyer: absolutely its my lock screen

coochie_destroyer: not to mention it looked fire af

mom_friend: Please never say 'af' again

sticky: affit.png

worried: Peter I love you so much but what the fuck is that outfit

sticky: do you not like it :^(((((

worried: Its not that I dont

worried: Its just,,,,, all over the place,,,,

coochie_destroyer: loving the shorts

sticky: thank you!!!!! 

sticky: they have tiny frogs on them :^D!!!!!

worried: What kind of socks you have rn????? 

sticky: uhhhhhhh dino socks!!!!! 

coochie_destroyer: i can appreciate the fix of frogs and dinos

mom_friend: Who's shirt are you wearing? 

mom_friend: Because it is 1) not your size and 2) not your style

sticky: i think it might be yours mj 

mom_friend: And when did you steal that?

sticky: uhhh idk tbh 

sticky: its comfy tho!!!!

mom_friend: I'm glad you're enjoying it though.

sticky: :^D!! !!!

biitch: are you at your house rn pete???

sticky: yes????? 

sticky: why wouldnt i be ?????

biitch: werent you just at the tower???? not even a day ago????

sticky: ye but that was only to add a few updates to my suit and it happened to run a little late lmao

biitch: isnt your aunt like a nurse or something????

sticky: ye

biitch: so that means youre home alone???? 

sticky: ye ive been home alone before so this isn't new lol

biitch: stay safe then and ill come over if you need me to

sticky: alright M O M 

mom_friend: Are you taking my roll?

biitch: no ma'am

worried: Because I'm now curious, why are you getting dressed up ???

sticky: going out to go shopping but for,,, essential things 

sticky: do yall need something while im at it cause ill drop it off with a couple kisses :^)))

mom_friend: Could you pick up some milk and cereal? It doesn't matter what type of cereal but the milk should the pink type.

mom_friend: I'll pay you back when you get back

sticky: you can pay me back in kisses u//w//u

biitch: why the fuck did you say pink cap and not skim 

mom_friend: Because if I said skim milk Peter wouldn't know what type of milk it is.

sticky: please don't come for me like this :^(((((

sticky: im just a stupid little babey

worried: Could you drop me off some animal crackers? 

worried: Also how the fuck are you paying for all of this

sticky: mr stark gave me his credit card

sticky: by that i mean i stole it but mr stark does not care and already knows the sins that ive committed

coochie_destroyer: all !? 

sticky: s,,,some

worried: What kind of sins are you committing Pete?

sticky: i,,,,,i think you know,,,,

worried: I think I do sadly

biitch: what kind of stuff will you be buying? 

sticky: uhhh you know things that are,,,, essential 

biitch: what kind of essential things

sticky: crackers,,,,, noodles,,,,, dino nuggets,,, apple juice

sticky: you know,,,, the essentials,,,, 

coochie_destroyer: i call that a full meal tbh

mom_friend: Peter please tell me that you will actually get healthy items to eat instead of all of that. 

worried: Please stay safe Pete!!!! 

sticky: will do!!!! 

sticky: ill have your guys things soon!!!! 

sticky: oh wait!!!!

sticky: harley and shuri do you need anything while im out ????

coochie_destroyer: uhh besides love and kisses???? 

coochie_destroyer: pink starbursts

sticky: im glad we agree on the best flavour of starbursts

biitch: how the fuck are you gonna get said starbursts to her

sticky: by love dumbass 

sticky: now do you want something or no

biitch: im good

biitch: thank you for asking tho

sticky: :^DDD <<<3333

sticky: im heading out now!!!! love you all!!!!! ill be there soon and i will be ready for my kisses!!!!! 

coochie_destroyer: love the fact that youre breaking laws for us 

sticky: i will commit arson for you

mom_friend: Please don't.

Chapter Text

Hey guys, I'm sorry that this isn't a chapter which I'm sure many of you were expecting. But this is important, so please stick around to read 💛.

In short, I'm no longer into Marvel.

Of course Marvel will always hold a special place in my heart for all the friends that I've made. So to put in better words, I am no longer writing about Marvel.

I haven't been for a while and I felt like I was forcing myself to write this or any marvel fic to keep you all happy. So in all honesty, this moment has been looming in the background of any Marvel fic for quite some time.

It was bound to happen, like most things.

I'm sad to let this fic go but there years is a long time to keep a fic up and running when I've grown so much since then.

I wish I could be writing paragraphs on paragraphs on this fic and how much it changed me, but I don't feel like I can. I wish I was able to write paragraphs on how much y'all meant to me as I was writing this fic and I may not be able to really show how much joy I feel from reading your comments and how much joy I hopefully brought into your lives just by reading this.

I could never just leave this fic uncompleted until I found the words and whim to write more and more chapters and I couldn't being myself just to end the fic with no explanation so I hope that this explanation is good enough for you all.

To make a heartfelt story much shorter, thank you all for an amazing three years 💛 I will never forget how much happiness you brought into my life.

Even if I'm no longer writing in this fandom, just know that I love you all 💛. Stay safe, drink some water, get something to eat and, make sure to get a good night's rest. 💛

- Sticks

P.s - if you still would like to contact me my Instagram is @stickys and if you have any discord server you'd like me to join, just pop me a link in the comments and I'll see them all in the morning.