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I awoke.
Which came as a bit of a surprise.
Every part of me pulsed with agony. My head felt as though it had been cracked like an egg. It was dark and my vision was blurred, but I could tell from the large window and the texture of the sheets that I was back in my hotel room. The smell of tobacco and cheap cologne instantly identified the man sitting beside the bed.
"Yo, Kaiki. You look... well, you look like shit, actually."
"You don't say."
My voice was a hoarse croak. I tried to sit up and immediately regretted it. Lights danced on the edge of my vision, and I quickly collapsed backward, breathing raggedly.
Damn.
I don't want him to see me like this.
"Looks like you got it pretty bad, old friend. Don't move too much. The bandages will take care of you."
Ah. That's what the tight feeling was; They were all over my body, white gauze absolutely covered in inky squiggles. A talisman-bandage, or something. It was wrapped especially tight around my head, which jolted with pain at the slightest movement.
Right... The snow. The kid. The iron pipe.
This is not my finest moment.
"Hey, Oshino... what's the big idea...? You've gone against your own philosophy, here..."
"...Yeah, you got me." He laughed, scratching the side of his head sheepishly as though we were merely having a friendly chat. But his cigarette-- was lit. A bouquet of them were stubbed out in the ashtray beside him. "Don't tell anyone, eh? That'd be pretty bad for my image. Of course, you'll have to properly repay me later."
"...Right."
I couldn't think of anything witty to say. The taste of blood lingered in my mouth, my eyes wavering, half-open.
"But, you know... you should really be more careful. Half-crushed by snakes and then thrashed by a middle schooler? If a little bird hadn't tipped me off, you'd be nothing but a pale grey popsicle by now."
Gaen. My no-longer-senpai.
So that's how it is...
"Yes, well... that's how it always goes, isn't it?" I tried to laugh grimly at my own expense, but all I got was a wretched cough, shaking my battered, miserable body. "J-Just like she said... nngh. I did something... that wasn't like me."
"Yeah."
Oshino lingered on that pause for a long moment. Then he stubbed out his cigarette, and without even asking, climbed up on the bed, sprawling out and gingerly draping an arm across me, his head close to mine-- I could feel his nicotine breath on my cheek. It wasn't as though I could stop him.
"But that's the thing about you, Kaiki. Doing something that isn't like you... is exactly like you." He mumbled in my ear, nestling close and squeezing me slightly.
Hey, Oshino... that hurts. In more ways than one.
"You did a good job, Deishun."
"...Ha, ha. Right."
He didn't reply-- he wouldn't even dignify me with a witty comeback. Instead he just clung to me quietly, his face hidden.
Was he... shaking?
". . ."
I didn't know what to say. I couldn't help but feel like I would regret saying nothing. That perhaps this was the only time I could pierce the veil.
But neither of us spoke. Instead, I slowly turned my head toward him, blearily taking in his pained features as much as I could while I felt my consciousness waning. I felt like I had to burn it into my mind--
Because I knew he wouldn't say goodbye.