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“Have you heard about that gay dude?”
Eliott perks up at that but doesn’t look over to whoever spoke. He’s already overheard people talking about whatever happened on Friday. Nothing in particular, only snippets. But it was enough for him to know they were talking about Lucas.
“Man, my friend was there when that girl went off on him. She said his face was priceless. I wish I’d seen it.”
Eliott still can’t quite grasp the fact Lucas was outed at the same party that he attended. He doesn’t even want to think whether Lucas saw him with Lucille. Like, yeah, Lucas’ words stung so much, but that doesn’t change the fact Eliott still cares about him. Very much so.
He wanted to avoid hurting Lucas and himself in the process. He doesn’t want to think about how he could have made things worse. No matter how much Lucas’ words caused Eliott pain, it was a private matter. Lucas didn’t deserve to have rumours spread about him. Eliott knows himself it’s nothing fun to go through. And he can’t help feeling indirectly guilty.
“I think he deserved it. He played with this girl’s heart and she called him out. I feel more sorry for her than this queer.”
Oh, yeah, because the risk of being beaten or even killed is comparable to a teenage heartbreak. Eliott feels his skin crawling.
“Can you two fucking shut up,” someone barks out and Eliott turns towards them. It’s Alex, currently staring with daggers in his eyes at the gossiping two.
“Jeez, relax. Don’t you think he had it coming?”
“I think it’s none of our business. So quit it.”
Eliott closes his eyes and tries to stop his hands from trembling.
***
Eliott is leaning against the wall, boringly scrolling through texts from Lucille and trying to come up with a satisfying reply.
He isn’t sure getting back together with her was a good idea. There were reasons he wanted to break up with her for long before meeting Lucas. Now with a sober mind, he knows that crawling back to her was an outcome of being hurt.
She feels safe when he’s at his worst, but gets unbearable with time. Staying with her is unfair to both of them, he realises.
On the other hand, he’s been through many emotions the past month Breaking up with her for the second time in less than a week seems like so much emotional labour.
And as selfish as it sounds, he wouldn’t have anyone to comfort him later.
It’s so pathetic that he only has one person he can truly rely on and he’s fed up with her eighty percent of the time.
Eliott gives up on typing, huffing under his breath and locks his phone. He tucks it into his pocket and looks over the people enjoying their break on the schoolyard.
Then, he notices Lucas.
His eyes are cast down, his shoulders drawn up to his ears and his hands are hidden in his pockets. Lucas is walking fast through the crowd, and Eliott can’t help noticing that he completely passes by his friends and heads straight to the building.
They stare at him, each face painted with completely different emotions and then Eliott remembers. People mentioned a fight. It doesn’t take a genius to know who fought with who.
Eliott hopes that they will somehow fix the things between each other, he really does.
He slips the first drawing into Lucas’ backpack the next day. He hopes that a little doodle will somehow make him feel better. That despite his fight with his friends and people talking behind his back, it’ll make him less alone.
Eliott doesn’t think about how it may be partly for his own sake. Because try as he might, he just can’t stay away from Lucas.
***
Eliott bumps into Chloé on Wednesday.
He’s just been rounding the corner when they collide.
“I’m so so–oh, it’s you,” she mutters, straightening her posture. She looks him up and down scornfully and clicks her tongue.
That makes Eliott angry and he blocks her way when she tries to leave.
“You shouldn’t have outed Lucas,” he says, sizing her up and she clenches her fists.
“He shouldn’t have used me in the first place and here we fucking are,” she spits out, her nostrils flaring.
Eliott sighs in exasperation and pinches the bridge of his nose, stopping himself from saying something harsh. He’s never liked her.
“You know someone could hurt him for this, right? It’s not some game,” he tries and thinks that maybe she gets it, but the fury is back on her face in an instant.
“You’re the last person I’m going to listen to. Poor Lucille, I can’t believe she took you back after you cheated on her.” Chloé pushes him out of her way and he lets her. “I’m glad Lucas saw you two together. At least he knows how it feels like,” she adds in the last moment before she disappears and something in Eliott’s chest squeezes.
He was suspecting Lucas might have seen him, but having it confirmed is worse.
Eliott sneaks yet another drawing to Lucas before the school day is over.
***
Overwhelmed by all of the emotions, Eliott skips school on Thursday.
He doesn’t think he’s ready to approach Lucas, at least not yet, but he hopes the drawings convey what he wants Lucas to know. He hasn’t acknowledged them in any way, but deep in his heart, Eliott knows that Lucas didn’t just throw them away.
He couldn’t have, right?
***
On Friday, Eliott is walking into the school building when Lucas is leaving it.
They stop in front of each other and it’s Lucas who speaks first.
“Can you stop?” He looks frustrated.
“What?”
“The drawings. Just stop,” Lucas says, a muscle in his jaw ticking.
Eliott gulps, ashamed. Straight to the point. Lucas has been good at rejecting him from the very beginning.
“Fine, I’ll stop.” He ignores the tremble in his voice and nods to emphasise.
“Thanks. Better stick to drawing things for your girlfriend,” Lucas says bitterly and his right hand shoots up to grab on the strap of his backpack.
It’s then that Eliott notices Lucas’ palm is bandaged and something heavy sinks down in the pit of his stomach. He’s got a bad feeling about it.
His own hand twitches to touch Lucas’, but he stops himself from reaching out in the last moment.
“What happened to your hand?” he asks. “Did someone from school do it?” he adds as an afterthought, his tone dark.
People are still talking. He hasn’t heard about any attacks, but it’s not like he’s popular enough to be dragged into conversations. Anything is possible.
Lucas glances down at his hand and gasps. He loosens his hold and opens his mouth to say something, when someone interrupts him.
“Hey, cocksucker! That your boyfriend?”
They both turn around and see some cackling assholes. Eliott looks back at Lucas, who’s still glaring at them. He seems both scared and angry.
“Fuck off,” he replies to them and steps away from Eliott. Lucas eyes are full with coldness when he utters, “Your fucking drawings aren’t going to fix anything. Just leave me alone.”
Eliott is left there, dumbfounded. Lost.
***
Eliott: i’m sorry i didn’t mean for all of this to happen
Lucas: it’s not your fault, but mine for falling for you.
I wish you had told me what I did wrong because I know I did
We could have talked about it and I’d have tried to fix it
Now, please, just leave me alone I have enough things to deal with
Eliott wishes he could come clean with his reasons, that he could tell Lucas the truth about how hurt he felt after that conversation. How he wanted to be out of Lucas’ life in hindsight and thought he was doing both of them a favour.
But he’s too scared to do so.
When the right time comes, though, he will tell Lucas everything.
***
On Monday, he starts painting the mural.