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Klaus added HalfManHalfApe, GoDiegoGo, CurlieGirlie, ShortStack, and MusicalMeme to the Let's McFreakin' Lose It group chat.
CropTopGod: hello boys & girls
CropTopGod: Allow me 2 entertain u this evening
GoDiegoGo: I'm not into prostitution.. thnx for the offer tho
CurlieGirlie: ^^
CropTopGod: HEY!
HalfManHalfApe: Fuck you v much for this screen name
ShortStack: It is accurate
CurlieGirlie: Ha!
MusicalMeme: What's the real reason we're here?
CropTopGod: W H A T i cannot desire to talk to my siblings???????????????
MusicalMeme: Oh okay.. heyyy gay sibling
CropTopGod: heyyy bisexual sibling
GoDiegoGo: Hey Diego 😊
ShortStack: Choke and die, Diego 😊
CurlieGirlie: Slip and break ur neck, Dee 😃
GoDiegoGo: okay 🙃
CropTopGod: NO DIEGO! WHO ELSE WILL BE DRIVE ME AROUND?
HalfManHalfApe: I can
CropTopGod: @GoDiegoGo proceed then
GoDiegoGo: Fuck all of you except Vanya
MusicalMeme: yay
ShortStack: Are you going to kill yourself or not? I have places to be and I don't want to miss it.
GoDiegoGo: NO!
ShortStack: 😒😒😒
The Umbrella Academy ☂
CurlieGirlie: Wake me up!
HalfManHalfApe: before you go GO
MusicalMeme: when september ends
CropTopGod: WAKE ME UP INSIDE
GoDiegoGo: I CAN'T WAKE UP!
CropTopGod: WAKE ME UP
MusicalMeme: Saaaaaaaaaaave meeeeeeeeee
CurlieGirlie: Call my name and save me from from the daaark
HalfManHalfApe: Wake me uppppppp!!!!1!!!
ShortStack: Bid my blood to RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
GoDiegoGo: I CAN'T WAKE UP!!!!!!!!
CurlieGirlie: BEFORE I COME UNDONE!!
CropTopGod: SAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE MEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
ShortStack: Save me from the nothing I've become!!
CropTopGod: Ben says he can't believe we just bonded over our Lord and Saviour Evanescence
CropTopGod: "You bitches waited until after I died to live your best lives"
CropTopGod: Ben's exact words
MusicalMeme: I love you too Ben
The Umbrella Academy ☂
HalfManHalfApe: Did you guys know where Five and Vanya went?
CropTopGod: NO the assholes wouldnt tell me
GoDiegoGo: I kno but i promised I wont say
ShortStack: you better not, Diego
HalfManHalfApe: wherever they are i hope they lose whatever they bought with the money they stole from me
CropTopGod: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1
CropTopGod: You had money this whole time!!!!
HalfManHalfApe: ... yeah?
GoDiegoGo: you done did fucked up Luther
MusicalMeme: Rip
CurlieGirlie: #RIPmonkeyman
CropTopGod: ur taking me shopping
CurlieGirlie: can i come
CropTopGod: yeah u need my help with ur wardrobe
CropTopGod: Luckily i am the crop top god
GoDiegoGo: thoses arent crop tops
GodIegoGo: they're old shirts from 6 yrs ago you never threw away
HalfManHalfApe: RIP
ShortStack: ^^
GoDiegoGo: ur siding with them?? I'll tell u where Vanya & Five were going
ShortStack: You wouldn't dare..
CropTopGod: TELL US
HalfManHAlfApe: TELL US
CurlieGirlie: TELL US
GoDiegoGo: try me bitch @ShortStack
MusicalMeme: we'll buy you food
GoDiegoGo: you cannot buy me off with food
MusicalMeme: it's KFC....
GoDiegoGo: okay I'll take a whole bucket
The Umbrella Academy ☂
CropTopGod: Ben is bored.. he said he can answer ur ghost related questions. please use #AskBen when asking ur questions
MusicalMeme: Hey Ben! Do you ever get hungry? #AskBen
CropTopGod: he says no but i think hes lying
ShortStack: Ben, do you want me to come up with a formula tha can bring you back to life? #AskBen
CropTopGod: He says no thanx. he said staying dead means he doesnt have to worry about dying again
GoDiegoGo: Do dead people hate Klaus? #AskBen
CropTopGod: Ben said only the ones i ignore
GoDiegoGo: so all of them except you? #AskBen
CropTopGod: that is correct
CurlieGirlie: Can you possess bodies? #AskBen
CropTopGod: Ben said this isn't hollywood but he wishes he could
HalfManHalfApe: What would you do if you could possess a body? #AskBen
CropTopGod: Ben said he'll take a shower and eat cereal
MusicalMeme: Does he have beef with the other ghosts? #AskBen
CropTopGod: Ben claims that he has beef with everyone because hes my brother
GoDiegoGo: What was the worst thing you saw Klaus do? #AskBen
CropTopGod: nice try dee
CropTopGod: im not answering that
CurlieGirlie: Is the ghost of our old cat in our house? #AskBen
CropTopGod: i could have answered that but Ben says yes
CropTopGod: thats all the questions we can take for today
The Umbrella Academy ☂
MusicalMeme: Diego knocked himself out again
MusicalMeme: I don't know what to do
MusicalMeme: usually Klaus is with him when this happens
CropTopGod: did you try slapping him?
MusicalMeme: yes
CropTopGod: well thats all i do
CurlieGirlie: wait it out Vee
MusicalMeme: im never partnering up w/ diego again
HalfManHalfApe: I'm coming over there
ShortStack: It's always Diego or Kluas that ruin missions
CropTopGod: I'm sorry, who's small bladder needed relief last time?
ShortStack: Fuck you
CurlieGirlie: I'll grab the first aid kit from the car
CropTopGod: I'll call Mom and Pogo
ShortStack: I'll finish off the target and follow you guys home
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GoDiegoGo: Aw i just read the messages u guys care about me
ShortStack: its 2am go back to sleep
GoDiegoGo: BUT IM HUNGRRRRRRRYYYYYY
CurlieGirlie: he's high off of his meds guys. Just ignore him.
GoDiegoGo: K L A U S
GoDiegoGo: Klllllllllllllaaaaaaaaaaaausssssssss
GoDiegoGo: KLAUSSSS!!!!!!!!!!
CropTopGod: what
GoDiegoGo: wanna go grab some waffles?
CropTopGod: 😋🥞
The Umbrella Academy ☂
