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Ann took a deep breath as the elevator hummed. She had never been this nervous about seeing Shiho before. But the last time she had come to see her, it was as Shiho’s best friend. Now, they were…well, not quite just best friends.
It’s not like she had planned to confess to her that day. The words just kind of came tumbling out of her mouth before she could stop them. It didn’t help that saying ‘I love you’ was something the two of them had done for years now, but now the fluttering in her chest every time she heard it from Shiho made a bit more sense now.
She gripped the box of chocolates in her purse. This was how it was supposed to work, right? But what if Shiho didn’t like them? Or what if Shiho had bought her chocolates instead?? Would that embarrass her??? How the hell was this supposed to work with female couples anyway?? Maybe she should have done research?
The ding of the elevator snapped Ann out of her thoughts, and she walked down the carpeted hallway towards Shiho’s apartment. Everything would be fine. The two of them had been friends for years now. If death couldn’t even keep the two of them apart, then some chocolates certainly couldn’t. Ann took a deep breath, and knocked on the door.
“One minute!” came Shiho’s quiet voice from inside. Ann’s heart was fluttering again.
When the door opened, Ann couldn’t help but tear up seeing her friend standing all on her own in front of her. “Shiho!” was all she could exclaim, before wrapping her new girlfriend in an excited, but gentle hug.
Shiho hugged her back, half out of happiness, half out of needing the support to keep standing, but left Ann a peck on the cheek as they parted.
“Are you proud of me?” Shiho asked, grinning. She nodded towards her wheelchair which was all the way on the other side of the entryway from the door.
Ann put her hands over her mouth and gasped. “You walked all that way? All by yourself!?”
Shiho nodded, then quickly leaned on Ann for support. “I’m…not sure I can walk back though,” she admitted, somewhat faintly.
Ann quickly helped carry her back, happy tears streaming down her face the whole way.
It wasn’t long before the two of them were snuggled next to each other on Shiho’s couch, watching cheesy rom-coms together. Shiho, as usual, spent most of her time comforting Ann, who ended up crying for most of them.
Soon, another movie ended, and Ann had dried the last of her tears.
“Hey…” Shiho asked, fumbling with the blanket that was wrapped around the both of them, “…you don’t mind this, do you?”
“Why would I mind?” Ann asked, “I love spending time like this with you!”
Shiho nodded, but kept averting her eyes. “I guess I just…worry that I’m holding you back…” she sighed. “You know, that you’d much rather be spending time with your friends who can actually do things…?”
Ann rested her head against Shiho’s shoulder. “You aren’t holding me back,” she whispered. “I want to be by your side, always, remember…?” she added, feeling her cheeks grow warm.
The ensuing silence felt like it dragged on forever…
Shiho was the first to speak again. “I guess I’m just feeling…unsure? Out of place?” she admitted. “I mean, we’ve always known you swung both ways…but this whole dating another woman thing is…just really new to me. Hell, this whole dating period thing is new to me…” she added.
Ann sighed. “We don’t have to do this, you know…if you don’t want to.” She lifted her head from Shiho’s shoulder and folded her hands in her lap. “I’m sorry I sprung it on you so quickly…”
“No, Ann—…” Shiho started, finally turning to look at Ann, who was now avoiding her gaze. “I…I don’t know how to describe it…I just…” She took a deep breath. “If this is what you want…I just want to make sure that I’m doing it right…for you…”
“But is this what you want…? Because I don’t want you to do this just because it’s something I want…”
“I—…” Shiho stopped. “I…don’t know…” she admitted, “…but I don’t not like this, if that’s what your asking.”
Ann didn’t say anything.
“Look…it’s like: in the movies, these whole confession things are all so nicely set up,” Shiho explained. “Like, ‘hey, you just got out of a happy relationship with your boyfriend, and I’m conveniently a man who has many similar traits, but also will be able to help you realize along the way that what you really want is to go back to him, and I conveniently have my ex-wife to get back together with at the end, so nobody’s feelings are hurt’, ya know?”
“Yeah…”
“But this…I mean, well, it’s still kind of cliché. You have always been my best friend,” Shiho chuckled. “And now that I’m about to move away, it’s the perfect time for you to confess your feelings and make me consider what I really want in life, all while dealing with some incapacitating injury or illness that you’ve been helping me through…”
“Is this…going somewhere?” Ann asked, finally turning back and looking at Shiho. “I think I’m confused now.”
“Sorry, yeah, that analogy got pretty involved…”
“It’s okay.”
Silence.
“I guess, what I’m trying to say is that I’ve…never done this before,” Shiho said slowly. “Any of this…So I don’t know what’s supposed to feel right or wrong…”
Ann nodded.
“But…if I’m being honest…” Shiho added, biting her lip, “I don’t think there’s anyone I’d feel safer trying things out with than you, Ann…”
By now, both Ann and Shiho were blushing, and each could feel their heart fluttering with nervous excitement.
“It’s not like I’ve ever dated a girl before either…” Ann finally muttered. “I don’t know what I’m doing any more than you do.”
“What about that chick in our second year of middle school? Mei?”
“That doesn’t count!” Ann scoffed, “she just wanted to make her boyfriend jealous!!”
Shiho laughed. “But it worked, didn’t it?”
Ann just crossed her arms and fake-pouted, which only made Shiho giggle more.
“Look, Shiho…” Ann sighed. “If you want to go back to just being friends, that’s perfectly okay. I don’t want you to do this just because you want to make me happy…”
“But I like to make you happy…” Shiho said. “And…you make me happy.”
Ann blushed, but a smile began to creep across her face again.
“Then…if it’s okay,” Ann started, reaching into her bag, “I…got you these.”
She held the box of chocolates out to Shiho, who took the box from her and opened it.
“Wow, you didn’t even eat any of them before you gave them to me!” she teased.
“Hey, these weren’t friend chocolates this time! I was trying to do something nice for you!” Ann exclaimed. “And…I may have bought a second box for myself to eat…” she admitted.
Shiho laughed and leaned in to kiss Ann on the cheek. “Thank you, Ann.”
“I know this may change things between us,” Ann said. “But I want you to know that I’ll always be your friend, no matter what.”
Shiho nodded. “Me too. But…is there something we can maybe change…right now?”
“Hm?”
Shiho scooted closer to Ann until their shoulders met. “I…want to try kissing you…on the lips this time…” she admitted.
“O-Oh,” Ann stammered, “okay!”
Shiho nodded. Ann just sat there, waiting.
“Should I just…go for it, then?” Shiho asked
“Um, yeah, I’ll just close my eyes first…”
“…Ready?”
“I think so!…”
“You sure this is okay?”
“Yeah! Yeah, just…mhm, yeah.”
Ann tried to stifle her nervous giggling as she felt Shiho’s hand rest on her thigh. Soon a pair of soft lips brushed against her own, and left as soon as they had come.
When Ann finally opened her eyes, she looked over to see Shiho with a contemplative expression on her face.
“You okay?”
Shiho nodded. “Yeah, I just…got nervous…”
“It’s okay, Shiho. We don’t have to—”
“No, no, it’s alright. I want to!” Her face was determined now, like the first time she had tried to walk out of her wheelchair.
Ann smiled. “How about I take the lead this time?” she asked, cupping Shiho’s cheek with her hand.
Shiho just blushed and nodded shyly, her eyes already closing.
And so, Ann leaned in and pressed her lips against Shiho’s. They soon parted again, as both girls broke into fits of nervous laughter. They tried again and again, and soon settled for laughing against each other’s lips.
It may have been the first kiss they shared, but it certainly wouldn’t be their last…