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The atmosphere in Hilltop was dark and mournful, and you were trying to stay away from everyone, isolating yourself. You were a mess of feelings, but you certainly felt out of place. It’d been a long, long while since the last time you had been at Hilltop. Last time Maggie and her little one were still there…you missed her so much, but at least you had the comfort of knowing that she was happy.
After everything that happened that horrible day in which the bridge blew up, taking Rick with it, you had been beyond sad to leave Maggie and little Hershel, but you had felt you needed to be with Michonne in Alexandria, she had not only lost Rick but she was also pregnant. You’d felt she and little Judith needed you more than Maggie.
And so, as things went worse and worse, and as Michonne eventually closed the relationships between Alexandria and the other communities, you had seen some of your friends less and less, no matter you snook out to meet with them sometimes, as Aaron did…Carol, now in the Kingdom, Tara and Maggie at Hilltop, Daryl alone in the woods, Jesus…
You felt a lump in your throat at the thought of Jesus. You had seen him, you’d been told what had happened, but it still didn’t feel real. You didn’t want it to be real. It wasn’t fair. Jesus was a good one, one of those good persons so hard to find now, hell, so hard to find even in the world before. His big heart shone bright, a fighter but also someone who took care of others. He didn’t deserve to end like that.
Part of you wanted to go to the cells where Michonne, Tara, and Daryl were interrogating that girl they had brought, one of the people who had done that to Jesus, and just stabbing the girl a thousand times. But you had seen how young she looked, like a teen. You knew that it was your broken heart talking, and you’d regret doing something like that.
Still, whoever were those people, they better went away, because you were determined to go against them for what they had done, and you knew you weren’t the only one.
After a while of being sitting down there in the middle of nowhere, close to the back fence, you saw Daryl pacing around, keeping himself away from the others too. The interrogatory must have finished. That dog he seemed to have gotten was following him and Daryl began throwing a stick to him. You smiled sadly at the sight.
All these years, the thought of Daryl had broken your heart, knowing he was alone and brokenhearted somewhere in the woods. The very few times you had seen Tara she had told you that he came sometimes to trade with Hilltop, but she couldn’t know when he would, and he never stayed or told her where his camp was, but at least you’d have the comfort of knowing he was alive. You were glad he at least had had that dog to keep him company, to love him.
You wished Daryl hadn’t isolated himself like that, hadn’t let you all help each other through the pain. You wished you could have helped him.
Daryl and you…you both had been close before, really close. Sometimes you had even let yourself daydream a bit too much, thinking that maybe, maybe, once you all had a moment to slow down and focus on something that wasn’t fighting for your life, maybe you could actually have a serious talk with Daryl and try to develop your relationship into something that wasn’t only a friendship.
You thought you were making baby steps on it on Alexandria, but then the saviors and the war had made you all go into survival mode again. Then, you had another chance when you went with him to the Sanctuary, helping him through the nightmares, through his hate for the place, through his stress at having not only to live there but also to lead. You took things slow, and now you thought that maybe you had taken it too slow, considering the world you lived in. You never got to really tell Daryl your feelings, though you were never sure if he knew it or not.
Looking at Daryl now, you felt a stabbing pain in your heart again. You had been so broken hearted when he left without telling you anything, you had missed so him much, you had spent so many nights thinking where he might be, if he was okay or not… You still hadn’t had the chance to talk with him, busy as everyone had been, but you weren’t sure if you knew what to tell him.
He turned around and saw you, stopping on his tracks, lowering the arm he’d raised to throw the stick to the dog. You wondered if maybe he hadn’t known you were at Hilltop. He just stared at you for a couple of seconds and then began walking fast towards you.
You got up but couldn’t get yourself to walk, you were frozen in place and when Daryl reached your side you opened your mouth to speak but couldn’t find words. He didn’t say anything either, but he reached out and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you to him. You melted into him, realizing once again how much you had missed him, how much you had missed his arms around you. You buried your face into his chest, unable to stop your tears.
“You left…you left me, you didn’t tell me where you were going.” You whimpered, all your heartbreak pouring from you. “I was so worried, didn’t know if you were alive or not. I missed you so much.”
“I’m sorry.” You heard him murmur. One of his hands cupped the back of your head, his fingers tangling into your hair, as he held you tight. “I…I had to…it’s just…I…” He didn’t seem able to find the right words, but you didn’t mind it. You understood why he had done it, but it still hurt.
You pulled away ever so slightly to look at him. “I’d have gone with you.”
Daryl didn’t say anything, he looked at you with wet, sad eyes, brushing his knuckles over your cheekbone before pressing a kiss to your forehead. “I missed you too.” He whispered before pulling you into his arms again.
You were afraid of asking him what was he going to do now, if he was going to leave again or if maybe he was staying. You were afraid of the answer. You were pretty sure he’d stay, even if only for a little while, to help with whatever new threat was coming your way, but you didn’t know if he’d disappear again once that was dealt with.
“What did the girl say?” You asked him after a little while.
“A ton of bullshit.” You felt Daryl stiff and you looked up from his chest. “We’ll try again tomorrow. But her people are dangerous, and they were walker’s skin over them, Y/N, blend with them, move with the herds. I’ve never seen anything like that.”
“What the…” You didn’t even know what to say to all that.
“I don’t know either.” Daryl shrugged, seeming thoughtful and worried.
You decided you didn’t care, at least not for that day, you just wanted to enjoy you were reunited with Daryl, even if just for a little bit, even if just until all of you would have to go face whatever new threat you had at your door. Today was another reminder to get the most out of each moment while it lasted, because you didn’t know how long you had. You were going to soak in every moment he was around, and you knew you’d never let him go away without you again, no matter what you had to do to stop it from happening again.
“I don’t want to think about that now.” You reached down to hold his hand. “Come watch the sunset with me?” A sad, soft smile spread across your face when Daryl looked at your hands, lacing his fingers with yours, and nodded.
You spent the next couple of hours sitting down with Daryl and the dog, Daryl’s hand on yours and your head on his shoulder, talking about everything that you both had been doing all these time apart, about your worries, about the people you missed, about your hopes and fears, until everything was dark around you.
“I’m going to find us something for dinner.” You moved away from Daryl reluctantly.
“Alright.”
When you were back, you couldn’t find him anywhere, and you almost panicked but then you heard his voice coming up from the top of the stable.
“Up here.”
You walked up the stairs and saw him and the dog sitting down on top of a blanket over some hay.
“What you doing here?”
“Dog wanted to come up here, think he’s chosen it for the night.” Daryl snuggled the dog to his side, a small smile on his face, and you couldn’t help your own smile looking at them.
“Seriously? There are free bedrooms, you know.”
“Nah, we’re fine here.”
You rolled your eyes but smiled and sat down next to them, placing a plate with some food for the dog next to him on the ground and then you balanced another one for Daryl and you on your thigh.
“Would you mind if I stay here with you for the night?” You asked him quietly after you finished eating, biting your lip as you waited for his answer.
“Okay.” Daryl nodded, looking at you, and you wished you could read what was he thinking.
You placed the plates aside and leaned down on one end of the blanket, tapping the other for Daryl to lie down too. Once he did, letting out a tired sigh, you blew up the candles he had lit and slowly curled onto him. It wasn’t the first time you slept next to each other, curled up together, but so much time had passed since the last time, so many things…it felt familiar but it felt new too.
Still, when you rested your head carefully on his chest and he wrapped a tentative arm around you, you couldn’t help your content sigh, feeling like you were transported to a better time, feeling like at least one of the pieces in which your heart had shattered over time was back in place.
Soon, though, the dog was trying to get between you two, snuggling himself under the arm you had over Daryl and pushing himself in the middle. You snorted, unable to stop your giggle at it.
“Oy, Dog! You’d have him all these nights! Just give me this one!” You stroked the dog’s head and he licked your hand, making himself even more comfortable between Daryl and you.
Daryl chuckled softly. “Dog, come on.” He pulled at the dog until he managed to get him at his other side. It seemed to be good enough for the dog, who was already curling into a ball.
Daryl lied on his side facing the dog and reached back to take your arm and timidly wrapped it around him before throwing his over the dog. You scooted closer and Daryl snuggled back until your chest hit his back. You curled up around him, holding him tight to you and burying your face on his back.
“I missed you so, so much.” You whispered. “You don’t even know.”
“I know. I missed you too.” Daryl whispered back.
“Daryl…please don’t leave again…”You hated how weak and small you sounded, but you couldn’t help it. After being reunited like this with Daryl, you didn’t think your heart would be able to take it if he left you again. “It’s okay if you want to be on the woods or wherever, just…just don’t leave me like that again.”
You felt Daryl’s hand on yours and then his lips on your knuckles before he rested both your hands over the dog.
“I won’t.”