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He’s furious.
Rage bubbles under his skin as he thunders down the sidewalk. The rain starts, pours down, drenches him from head to toe. He finds it to be incredibly ironic- he’d been found in the rain, taken in after he had been assaulted by droplet after droplet and was handed everything he could’ve ever really asked for. It was almost fitting- not that it was all gone- that the rain was here to wash it all away.
Gavin growled, a low sound in his throat as he stalked out of the familiar neighborhood and headed east.
He was angry beyond belief- and he kept thinking about the fiery frustrations, turned it into his weapon and shield. Because if he didn’t, then he’d cry. Long and hard and endless. He refused to be that pathetic. Refused to succumb to such a bitch move, so he kept his anger close. Tucked it to his side and drew from it until all he could feel the was boiling hot seeping into his veins and sharpening his nails. Despite how human he tried to keep himself, some aspect of his dog form seeped into his appearance. It was involuntary. He hated it- if only he could have better control of himself, his forms.
It wasn’t because he was stupid. No. No matter what Niles said, Gavin knew he wasn’t fucking dumb. Even if he managed to fuck up the only good thing going for him in his life, got his old mistress killed, and almost fucking died from two hunters- he wasn’t dumb and Niles was wrong. He kept telling himself that.
Gavin jumped a few fences and skirted around posts, slinking down alleyways and bustling roadways before things tended to even out and thick trees blocked any streetlamp’s light from reaching it. It was fucking creepy; with the occasional lightning strikes, the darkness, the cold, and all of the wet that reflected white light. Shit was right out of a horror movie.
The rubble crunched under his footsteps and he grimaced, the echo was deafening to his own ears and frazzled nerves- he hoped it wasn’t as loud as he thought it was. Maybe it was, maybe he was being way too revealing with the storm further souring his mood and permeating the air, the angry stomps to the ground as he shuffled past. He noticed movement coming out to greet him but he kept his eyes trained resolutely to the floor.
Black paws padded out from the large doorway before they turned into bare feet. He looked at her and didn’t mind that all his best friend wore was a bra and some panties. It was to make the transformation more comfortable, after doing it himself for years, and watching others do the same, he had gotten insanely desensitized to certain sights such as this. She gave him a smile but he knew she had smelt the negativity on him.
“Hey there champ!” Tina sung as her hand went to his back, rubbing between his shoulder blades. “What brings ya here?”
Gavin didn’t trust his own voice so he decided not to say anything. She glanced around him, sniffed the air discreetly before commenting, “Where’s that witch of your’s?”
Maybe it was the rioting anger inside of him flashing at the words, or it could’ve been the aching sadness clawing his chest apart- whatever it was, Tina recoiled and frowned. If she had her tail Gavin would’ve seen it still completely, maybe even hang there limp at her realization. His would be stuck between his legs most likely, probably a good thing they were both people right now.
“Can I crash with you?” He managed to grumble, despite the deep irritation rumbling in his soul. It was hard to talk through the giant lump inside his throat but he had done it, he had to count it for a victory. Tried to make it boost his moral.
“Of course, I’m sure Chlo won’t mind! Come on in, hon, you must be fuckin freezing!” Tina chirped and began to guide him up the grand steps and into the fucking Manson of a house.
Gavin had caught back up with her inside the coffee shop- the one he refused to think about at the moment. He’d known Tina ever since he was a little pup, perfecting his transformations and learning how to be a good familiar. She had trained with him, and together, they learned how to be attack dogs. They learned how to go both offense and defense at the notion of a pen drop, learned how to decipher energies apart from one another- how to tell a broken soul from a positive, old one. How to pick apart benevolent spirits and see apparitions through their psyche. Disconcerting sounds from multiple origins, at great distances, how to tackle problems. Shit- they even learned how to fuck up monsters in case of an emergency.
Plus, they both trained under Gracie. She was nice enough to take Gavin under her wing when he was barely a teen, and then he had met Tina almost five years afterwards and they became inseparable. They tagged along everywhere, became playmates as well as rivals in all aspects. Gracie accepted both of them, even when they had come forward and revealed they didn’t always like the opposite gender, that sometimes, Tina dreamed of having a wife one day, and Gavin, a husband. Gracie had smiled then, patted their heads and pressed a kiss to both their foreheads, and said it was okay.
That they could love who they wanted, so long as the loyalties were true. As long as the purity of the heart always reached for their lover despite the depths of madness.
That shit hadn’t fucking made sense. But it stuck with Gavin, and he started to apply it to Niles.
A sharp stinging entered his gut, twisted and churned until it prodded at his eyes. He refused to let them water, instead blinking feverishly several times. Be angry, be mad. There was no time to be pathetic and needy. That was dumb. And Gavin would prove he wasn’t fucking stupid.
Gavin had to tell Tina the harsh truth; Gracie’s murder. She didn’t ask very many questions and he was forever fucking grateful. That type of agony still cut into him. Still fresh. Instead, she told him on what happened when she parted ways all those years ago.
She always had a very strong sense of independence, of adventurous spirit, a need to explore and see more- go further then the next block over, meet new people. Gavin hadn’t understood. He didn’t get leaving the blissful home he had with his mistress, didn’t want to try and fathom breaking ties with someone who cared enough about him to keep him, and look for it somewhere else. He’d been upset then but he encouraged her nonetheless. Tina traveled, hopped to a few cities and skipped over the heavily hunter-ed areas. Finally, she met Chloe.
The blonde had been walking home and she seemed so sullen. Such a bad look on a pretty face, Tina claimed. So she approached her and sensed the extra energy bustling inside the young woman’s veins, grew excited whenever the pretty girl smiled at her and knelt to pet her. They walked, Chloe happily chatting away before they parted ways, but they ended up meeting up again. And again, and again, until Tina was invited inside her home and asked to stay. They faced a lot of dangers, placed a lot of wards around town, and Tina had never been happier when they became more then witch and familiar.
Tina finally had the partner she’d been looking for, and Gavin tried not to be too envious.
Gavin thought he had had the same. Evidently, he was wrong.
Fuck, that hurt. His heart jolted at the thought, the warmth he used to feel whenever Niles came into his thoughts ended up getting replaced with nothing but hurt. He hated it- hated Niles for doing it to him.
He forced the pictures of Niles’s tiny smile out of his mind, cursed at his own fucking brain for trying to echo and mimic the feeling of a lingering kiss to his skin. That shit was in the past. It didn’t matter anymore. He needed to grow the fuck up and move on. He wasn’t anyone’s familiar- and maybe that was for the best. No one needed some fucked up cursed dog that couldn’t even manage to keep a single witch around.
Fuck.
“Welcome, Gavin!” The blonde’s voice was buttery and sweet. He could see how Tina fell for her; nice figure, amazing fashion taste, beautiful luxurious hair, bubbly personality, round face and kind eyes. Blue eyes.
Niles had blue eyes.
“Please, make yourself at home! A friend of Tina’s is a friend of mine!” She flashed him a smile, rosy cheeks turning even pinker. Chloe was gorgeous, and Tina could see that. With the way his best friend glowed at spying the expression, little hearts practically oozing from her eyes.
“Thanks.” Gavin muttered, gruff and cumbersome. Damn, the way she had perfect posture and a charming grace to her made him shiver. Just like Niles.
“No problem! Tell me, how’s everything with Ni-“ Tina’s face balled up and she shook her head. A small movement meant to go unnoticed by him, but he caught it regardless. “Uh, I mean! How’s the wardings holding up? Hm?”
Tina slapped a hand across her face, Chloe’s face tinted even redder, so pink with embarrassment. It was cute, Gavin would admit, but he just didn’t swing that way. He decided to shrug his shoulders, attempting nonchalance, like he didn’t care at all about the fucker.
“He’s fine.” He’s a bastard, Gavin wanted to say. It took all his self control not to blurt it out.
“Would you like some dinner? Tina and I just ate, but I made black bean soup! It’s still fresh and hot on the stove, I could make you a bowl?” She was kind, really kind. And that made guilt settle deep inside his fucking stomach. He shouldn’t, it wasn’t his place- not his food. He had no business taking it. Sleeping here was already bad enough but he didn’t know where to go.
“I’m making him a bowl and he’s gonna fuckin’ eat it. Right Gav?” She eyed him, not at all scared to turn it into a glare when he turned his own gaze away. He wasn’t even fucking hungry. “Right. Gavin.”
“Shit, sure. Don’t laser me with those eyes there, terminator.” Chloe giggled and Tina even smiled, lopsided and lovely. It made him feel a little less like shit.
“I have a guest bedroom, it’s no trouble at all-“ She must’ve sensed his hesitance. Damn, was he that obvious? “-and you’re welcome to call it your’s however long you’d like. It gets lonely in this house. The company, however colorful, would be wonderful.”
Did she just fucking say colorful?
Gavin squinted at her and she just winked. He knew, exactly then, why Tina was so fucking head over heels in love with her. Why his best friend gushed endlessly for hours about her. The bitch was a bastard, a coy, smug little shit. Gavin loved it already.
“Shit, goldilocks, you got yourself a fuckin deal.”
Gavin heard Tina cackle from the kitchen. Maybe this would make him forget about Niles.
______________________________________
He settles in quick, all thanks to Tina. She doesn’t make him feel like an alien inside the home and they even fall back into old routines. Such as; whoever wakes up first pounces on the other, last one into the living room cleans the bedrooms, whoever exits the kitchen first doesn’t have to clean the counters or do the dishes. It’s all a lifestyle neither has forgotten, but Chloe leans it quick, and joins in.
It’s only after Tina exits the hallways leading to the laundry room does he smirks up at her, shit-eating grin so wide and arrogant. She stiffens and glances at Chloe, who’s chin is resting on Gavin’s shoulder and mimicking his coy look.
“You dirtied the last rag- I want fuckin’ taco soup for dinner!” He shouts before wagging a finger in her face. “And Chloe wants it spicy, chop chop, ‘m starving!”
“Scumbag,” Tina accuses. But there’s a smile on her face and a happy little swagger as she steps into the kitchen. Chloe ruffles his hair, kisses his cheek once- only because she’s friendly like that- before parting to join her girlfriend. After a second he hears a happy rumble, followed by a, “Hey babe.”
His chest deflates, the earlier happiness dissipating in that single fucking word.
He’s never called Niles that, but he’s thought about it. It’s almost been uttered past his lips countless times and in the moment he might be glad he was too much of a coward to actually fucking say it. In fact, he remembered helping Niles out in the kitchen; cooking and cleaning, purposely getting powder or sauce on the witch’s outfit or face and licking it off, running from the spoon full of sticky shit Niles tried to dump down his shirt and in his hair. He missed fucking around like that, he missed Niles-
Nope, no. He wasn’t gonna think about that. About him.
There was nothing to miss. And it didn’t hurt. Not at all. His heart was fine and wasn’t throbbing as he swallowed and processed air with a stagger. It was all fine. Nothing was wrong, nothing had happened, and things were just damn peachy.
Gavin flicked the TV on and turned the volume up, not enough to hurt his or Tina’s hearing, but enough for even Chloe to be able to hear every syllable and swear that played through the speaker.
It all, positively, was just in his head. And he was fretting over nothing, making a big deal out of nothing at all. And he sat there and watched whatever was on, whatever played, until all he could focus on was the bright colors and quick movements of some police show. Maybe he should’ve become a cop, maybe even been on the canine force; he’d be great, he knew he would. Perhaps he should just forget about witches and familiars and all the fucking magic crap and work on making the world a cleaner place. He should bring the idea up with Tina, two heads always worked better then one and she had lived here longer.
A doorbell chimed, it’s ring a lulling sound- dulled, soft, quiet. Chloe had to have changed it from the normal one just for her familiar. That was pretty fucking considerate, Gavin loved Chloe so much for being so damn good and loyal to his friend. The girl was a damn saint and he was convinced that she could do no wrong.
“Gavin!” Tina screamed, popping her head out from around the side. He raised his brow at her and stood, gesturing to the door and the kitchen. The smell of the food mingled too heavily in the air, making whoever outside’s scent be masked. Sound wouldn’t help- the shit was already at the door. All he could detect, was a nervous energy outside but there wasn’t anything murderous about it. Still, he didn’t trust it.
Tina stared at the grand doorway, pursed her lip before shrugging and returning to the kitchen. Must not be too insanely bad if neither of them could detect a reason for danger. Just in case, though, Gavin hardened his gaze and let his hands curl into fists. On the offensive.
As he opened the door a familiar scent washed over his nose; the crisp smell of something clean and then lemongrass, of that certain rush of fresh air carried by a breeze over a beach, the brazen burnt delight of marshmallows over a small fire. He had grown so addicted to this particular scent that he almost went nose blind to it- almost. After not having it fill his nose for so long, however, it felt more like a slap to the face in the moment. Because the person it belonged to was someone that made his heart ache more than anything now, made the agony pulsate throughout his veins, dulled his senses to anything but the witch before him. Dressed in that delectable sweater and form fitting pants, hair styled already and neatly combed. The long trench coat looking too dashing to the man.
Gavin swallowed, hard. The need and want to whimper and cower inside those strong arms was too great and he felt weak in his knees with the feeling. With the need and desire, like that night he had his big embarrassing breakdown and cried in Niles’s lap. He couldn’t do that. Not now.
He wasn’t dumb enough- more like.
He saw those beautiful steely blues morph into something shiny and glistening, sweet and soft. It took him back to a time when he could cuddle up in Niles’s arms, kiss him deep and slow, and fall asleep on his chest. With fingers in his hair and legs tangled together.
“Gav-“
He slams the door shut.
He bristles and his nails hurt as they drill into his palms, fists balled and anger flaring. He couldn’t handle the onslot of emotions that rammed into his head, stole his breath. He hated this feeling- it was too fucking overwhelming. Even if he sensed the flash of hurt behind the door and smelled that lovely scent sour with desperation, he couldn't fucking face Niles. Not right now. He just couldn’t, but he couldn’t move away from the door and he couldn’t stop the longing inside his chest. It pulled at him. Like a magnet through the entryway and he half wondered if it was a spell. Only- Niles wouldn’t do that to him, as much as it fucking hurt to know, and Gavin felt like complete shit as another round of knocking rasped against the door. Insistent and brash.
His breathing hitches and Gavin has to trudge himself away, unglue his feet from that spot before the fucking door frame and he flings himself on the couch. Tina must’ve smelled him, he probably looked bitter too. Her nose scrunched when she neared him on the couch. She fell to her knees and rested her cheek over the crown of his head.
“What’s up?”
“It’s not for me.” He huffs, hoping she’d get it without him having to say it out loud.
“Want me to get the door?” Her smell; roses and lilies, sweet nectar and honeyed sticks of sugar rolled over him. God, it felt good. It was nice to breathe in, like fresh air, and he let the scent claim him. Mingle with his own and hush the silent panging inside his chest. Tina was probably the best thing he had that he didn’t fuck up, because she didn’t take his shit and made him work it out like a functional person.
“Knock yourself out, but it’s not for me. Get me?”
“Loud and clear, boss.” She says it lightly, threading her fingers through his hair before standing up and walking to the door. Her scent turns to spices, and he can sense the standoffish determination to run the fucker out of here. Tina was just good like that, protective and too kind.
He tried not to think about how kind Niles could be. How they sat at the dinner table, Niles having his hand over one of Gavin’s legs just to be in contact, munching quietly on whatever they ate that night. How silent and content they both were, just satisfied with the other’s company, Gavin had finished his plate first. He always did, and Niles eyed him subtly, pushing his own unfinished portion over and using his fork to shovel some vegetables on it and held it straight to the familiar’s lips. Gavin ate it, a soft rumble thundering inside his chest, and then Niles would press a chaste but sweet kiss to his lips; brushing his finger along the stubble of his jaw tender and bonking their foreheads together. The memory was nice.
But it made him hide away inside the cushions. Stuffing his face to the fluffy couch and hiding his nose so he couldn’t smell how wonderful Niles was. And how sad the scent seemed.
“If you had the capacity to understand such a simple sentence, you wouldn’t have to ask.”
Chloe steps out and sees him, her feet are quiet as she pads over but he hears them regardless. The added weight dips into the couch and makes him sink a little bit, not that he minds, and soothing hands are placed over his shoulders. Rubbing and relaxing the tension coiling his body like a screw.
“May I talk to Gavin?” The witch- fuck Gavin can feel his eyes even if he doesn't see them- is searching the span of the door frame and trying to peer round the corner he probably assumed Gavin flunked off in. Tina’s arms block him though, her chest puffing out as the bra makes her biceps seem bigger; especially when she flexes them. No shirt to hide the muscle she has.
“Nope. But you may get off the property.” He knows she’s giving him that stare down- he’s seen it enough times to know it by heart. The one with the polite greeting holding back a raging storm of fury and swears, the hardened eyes and challenging glint to go against her words. She’s tough, Gavin doesn’t think anyone out there could compare to Tina, and he almost feels pity to his- the witch.
“Please, it’s very important and personal-“
“It’s gonna get real personal if you don’t back off.” Chloe’s magic soothes him. He knows she has some kinda fucking voodoo type of magic, it’s weird. Not like natural shit that Niles had, this felt different. Soft and nice, but kinda cold. But a pleasant cold. The kind you didn’t fuckin mind because it made the world look nice and planted little happy seeds inside your mind. The carefree grace and that bullshit. He appreciated it, it made the shit less, well, shitty.
Silence passes, and just as he smelled Tina’s roses churn to burnt pasta- Niles sighs. “Very well, excuse my interruption. I’ll be off.”
And he’s gone.
Tina watches him until she can’t sense him anymore, it’s mad annoying how Gavin strains to smell him, hear him, sense him. It’s chilling and haunting because he wants to race out the door and jump onto that motherfucker and cling for dear life. But he can’t, he’s too big a coward and way too stubborn. He shouldn’t, anyway, that’d be stupid. Pointless.
“Dinner’s close to being finished, Gavin, would you like to set the table and make us some sweet tea?” Chloe, soft as Gracie had been, asks him. She gets it, like, a lot. She knows Gavin wants to be useful and distracted. He really couldn’t ask for a better couple to be with.
“Yeah, sure. Got ya,” He’s pathetic. Utterly and truly. He knows it and they must know it too. Niles had realized it.
Biting on his own gums, Gavin gets up and blunders into the kitchen. He can make some fucking sweet tea, that shit isn’t hard at all. But it was, he was so distracted.
He got the job done, however, and pulled out the chairs for the two girls he was probably way too fucking close to.
______________________________________
His eyes fly open, he’s surging forward with the intensity of everything he could muster up. His claws rip into the sheets, inhuman and painful as they shouldn’t be able to be possessed in his human form. His teeth gnash at the air as he’s panting and looking around the room, searching for a danger he has yet to locate. His heart is clambering inside his chest, bruising against his ribs as his lungs fill with air. He’s hyperventilating, just a bit, as he gathers his bearings.
Gavin hadn’t had a nightmare in a while. And it was just as bad as he remembered them to be.
Blood, a heavy dread and a crushing guilt thrown over his shoulders. Screams and cries for help, his help, help he was too weak to deliver. Choices that he made becoming the worst one and damning Gracie to a brutal fate. He isn’t aware of the tears falling from his eyes until one drips off of his chin and splatters onto the sheets. He feels ashamed.
He’s scared, the scar across his face lightly throbs as if to remind him of the pain that night had brought- both physically and mentally. Gavin shivers, goosebumps lining his skin as he shakes and tries to stop the waterfall from his face. He’s afraid, of each little crack as the house settles, of each little sound that pelts the windows, even the darkness around him is suffocating.
He knows he shouldn’t be afraid, that there wasn’t anything to be afraid of- but the lifeless corpse hidden behind his eyelids are way too clear, too prominent with every blink he makes. He sees blood stain his hands, coat his chest, freckle his arms. Gracie’s blood. He remembers how her magic engulfed him before he felt it die out, felt the life-force quiver and wither from around his heart; it was the first time Gavin had been so utterly, and terribly alone.
It’s stupid to cry over it, it’s terminal. It’s happened, it’s the past. But he cannot get over it, no matter how fucking hard he tried to.
He turns and feels the wind get knocked out of his lungs, clamp around his throat as the empty space of the bed stares right back at him. The sheets are cold and condemning as they hold him prisoner and Gavin hates that he needs Niles. Expected to see the fucker right there, freezing ass feet and curly hair and warm body and- fuck.
Gavin hates himself. For being this weak, for being this fucking dumb.
There was a time, when he woke up in such a blunder, in such a frantic state that someone was there. First it was his mistress, who calmed him with the trill of her magic and took him out for a walk, made him some herbal soup and shushed him until he fell back asleep. She had been murdered, and he had been helpless to stop it, and he blamed it all on his own being. On his errors. But then, Niles had come along and Gavin believed that things would be alright, that he had earned something nice.
There was a time when Niles would wrap his strong arms around him, pull him close and nuzzle into his hair. Gavin would listen to his heartbeat, feel the pulse drumming through his veins, he could smell the body hormones and natural earthy scent. Nines talked to him, too, he had mumbled senseless things; facts, stories, the schedule for tomorrow, anything and everything. He let Gavin know, when he had these nightmares, that he was still alive and well. That the world kept turning, that things hadn’t stopped and there was a reason to get out of the bed in the morning. He reminded Gavin that he wasn’t alone, never had to be, and that he had someone.
“Because as far as I’m concerned you were a liability. You weren’t doing anything besides creating problems.”
The loneliness crept in, quick as a drawn sword, and punctured him. It felt like ice stabbing through his body; stab after stab after stab after stab. More blood appeared in his hands, more tears fell down his face. His scar hurt, burned on his skin like a brand. The ones lacing his arms and staining his ribs protested- they hadn’t done that in years. His skin itched and crawled with unmeasurable waves of agony as the sadness ripped his heart and shredded his dignity.
“Judging by your limited vocabulary, and seemingly lacking skill of comprehension, I’d say you answer your own question.”
Gavin hiccuped, clapped his hand around his mouth to stifle the whimper that tried to leave his throat. He wanted to curl up into a ball, he wanted Niles. As fucking idiotic as it was, as stupid as he could be, he wanted to bury his face into the crook of that bastard’s neck and cry.
Those steely eyes cut into him as he pictured them, full of hatred and disgust, looking at him with no emotion and lacking the fond expression he desperately searched for. He’s clutching his chest, the soreness spreading and poisoning his other organs, breaking his muscles apart. The heartbreak hurt, it hurt so fucking bad he couldn’t take in a breath without a sharp sting. Without a wave of tears drowning his sight and sending tremors throughout his entire form.
He hates this.
He hates this so much.
“-you needed me to save you from your pathetic display from the two girls, did you not?”
Pathetic.
That’s all it was. All he was to Niles.
“And I dealt with them. Did you?”
Gavin couldn’t tell anyone if they asked how long he sat there, clutching his pillow and crying into it. He couldn’t answer any question that might have asked how many hours he wasted laying perfectly still with glistening eyes and dried tear-streaks, how much sleep he lost. He didn’t want the sun to ever come up, but like a traitor, it had. He was tired, so very tired, and getting up seemed so hopeless. He couldn’t stare at the bright light filtering into his room.
A room he didn’t deserve.
Like a coward, he hid inside the blankets and pretended not to hear the gentle knock on his door for breakfast. He couldn’t face anyone, couldn’t bring himself to move an inch from his spot. His position, the one he was using to keep it all together. Gavin felt like if he moved all the pieces would fall and shatter even more, into dust- something he count put back together and replace.
“If you had the capacity to understand such a simple sentence, you wouldn’t have to ask.”
Gavin takes in a breath, holds it until his lungs ache and his face reddens and his body is screaming at him to let it go- and then he sucks more in. Holds it longer, makes sure his lungs are full, before releasing it.
It doesn’t make him feel any better, not really, but he feels lighter. Like some burden has rolled off of his shoulders and he might be able to stomach being alive today.
Gavin didn’t do much but he reminded himself to breathe.
______________________________________
He’s walking, Tina is by his side.
She’s cheery, happily yipping about some fucking TV show she fell asleep watching with Chloe. She was gushing about how cute Chloe was and how easy it was for her to pass out, he’s listening- he is. But his mind had been in a fucking fog ever since that stupid- whatever. It’s not even a big deal, he’ll get over it. Somehow.
He wanted to be more lively, and he could tell Tina was trying her best to keep his spirits high and he wanted to be better. To be enough for her but his energy had been so fucking low. He couldn’t get it up, not that he was sleeping much anyways. He stopped trying at nights, avoided taking any naps. He didn’t want to risk falling back into the nightmare. Of staring at the disappointment and utter disgust. Just thinking about it made his throat close up and shoulders hunch, his lungs shriveling inside his chest and heart panging.
He wished this was as easy to break as a spell.
He hates himself for it, he does, but he can sense Niles somewhere. Probably around the block or two, as far as Gavin’s concerned he seems to be unaware of him. Probably for the best, Gavin was only ever good at pushing people away and shutting himself off from others. He likes the way the flow of spirit, of energy and soul, carry and wrap around his being. Like a gentle touch to his heart.
It brings him a shred of peace, but he’s walking away from it. Walking farther and father away from it’s fingertips, it’s wispy caress. The familiar heat blooming across his skin and melting on his bones.
Gavin can sense Niles, and as he gulps in the sudden breeze, he can just barely smell him too.
Beautiful, warming marshmallows roasted over an open flame, lemongrass and it’s purity and cleanness, a spring’s call ruffling through the winds. God, he missed it and he couldn’t get enough of it. It was so faint, Gavin bit his lip. He wasn’t going back. He wasn’t going back. He wasn’t.
He manages to snicker at something Tina says, and she brightens entirely. Her smile comes naturally, hair spilling in front of her eyes as she talks louder, with more vigor and confidence. It suits her far better then the silent worrying. It makes him feel normal again, the smell filling his nose makes him feel whole again.
Then it taints.
Gavin startles, briefly bristling as he channels in as much as he could from his distance and focuses. The smell tarnishes, turns rotten with anger and resentment. With a boiling rage and a deeply rooted hindrance, the peaceful clarity of the sensation of Niles’s soul being so close, within his reach- soils. The crackling magic, almost like a harsh whip, seems to tighten around his aura. It’s heavy, it’s cold, and it makes Gavin feel something he hasn’t in a week.
The need, the rush. The adrenaline. The blood pumping, his genes gearing up for a transformation as they scourge for power, for a trigger.
“- I’ll let your ass get fuckin’ gutted!”
He hadn’t meant it.
“Tina, I’ll catch up with you later! There’s- shit, I’ll tell ya later okay? We’re good but I gotta go.” Gavin fucking prays she doesn’t ask any questions, eyes begging with the best puppy dog look he can muster while he remained in his human form.
She looks at him, glances off, and grins. It’s small but true, and she waves him off. “We’ll have a late dinner if you need.”
He nods and forces himself to act normal. To walk, unrushed and unbothered, back the way he came. Following the nasty aura trail and keeping a leveled mind. After he was out of hearing range, he bolts. Gavin’s always liked sprinting, he’s been quite good at it ever since he was a pup, always beat Tina at races. He was kinda glad he was a weird fucking kid, grew up the fastest on track- only because he wasn’t entirely human. He was grateful for it though, at least right now. Because he could save a few seconds in reaching the witch.
Closing in, Gavin can sense another energy. Another witch. God damn Niles- fucking fighting another caster? Really? And he was the dumb one of the two of them.
Gavin wasn’t sure if he was suicidal, crazy, or maybe just desperate to feel something- but he rushed into the fray the moment he saw the flutter of Niles’s trench coat. He honestly had no energy to transform and he shouldn’t have, he should’ve just stayed human but he hadn’t. He morphed. There was more to do as a dog, plus if any onlookers peered them, it’d be easier to make up an alibi for. He was running towards his idiot of witch, watching the blinding blue crackle of magic dance from his fingertips and surge towards his opponent- the fucker deflected it. Gavin didn’t know how, witch shit was so fucking complicated for no reason. But then their hand turned to a fist and Niles suddenly took a knee.
Gavin jumped in front of him before he could think better of it; just like their first night, just like their first fight together. He always did it and always would.
His fur buzzed with energy, aggression making his hackles rise as he flashed his teeth towards the other caster. Niles gasped- from pain or the fact that he was standing up for his bitchass, maybe both, Gavin wasn’t sure. But he did it regardless and that just didn’t sit well with Gavin. He could smell something foul touching the briefest sections of Niles; magic. Unfamiliar magic.
“Oh?” They chirped, wiping a small smudge of blood off their cheek. Gavin saw a bundle of black veins lining their neck, it reeked of infection. What the fuck kind of spell? “I didn’t know you had a familiar.”
Niles doesn’t say anything, but Gavin senses the small puff of pain inside his soul. He felt the same.
Growling and lowering his head, he snapped his jaws at this stranger. Seriously, why did Niles have to pick a fight? Dumbass, fucking dumbass. He was down and crouched on the ground and Gavin had to run here and be right in front of him, like old times, like-
Fuck.
They raised a hand, a certain dark swirl passed up their body. Dark magic- what had Niles said? Something....borrowers? Yeah, a demon’s bitch. That’s what this energy was. Fucking disgusting. Gavin huffed, tensed his muscles in his legs and ran at them. They let him run up and let him bite down- which was fucking strange, weird as shit. He didn’t trust that. Not at all- especially when smugness trickled into their blood and alerted him that maybe they wanted him close after all. The realization is too late, and he tries to back off but his limbs can’t move quick enough.
A force bats him away- he tumbles and groans as his shoulder and hip slam into the dirty ground in a harsh collision. Once his body stops dragging on the ground he lifts up his head. He had turned human again, unable to keep the form with the sudden surprise and low energy, as he glared at the motherfucker from the distance between them. He feels a sting under his jaw, traces a finger along it and hissed at the sudden pain. Blood rests on his fingertips, of fucking course. And they seem rather fucking perky as they lick it- gross.
“Voodoo.” Niles mutters, his voice sounds strained and wheezy. Probably from some stupid spell. Witchcraft was beginning to be fucking overrated to him.
“Just peachy.” Gavin rolls his eyes. He goes to stand up and gives the other bastard a once over. So they had his blood now. That was cool. He just needed to be faster then them, faster then the casting rate and the repulsion spell.
Gracie said something about this once; sense the backlash of the spell, track it’s velocity, feel the build up to it’s burst. Head down, all senses open. Sure that shit sounded easy but it was hard as fuck in execution.
“Gavin, don’t.” Niles warns, his voice barely a whisper.
He gets ignored. This time, not for a petty reason. Gavin tries to focus in- the magic fucking feels like it’s flowing from every pore out of their body and spilling out on the ground. He's going to need to learn their pattern from trial and error, lots of it too, which was just fucking great. He growls again, low in his throat and lunges at them-
Before his hand can even make contact, they fling him back again. Like a rag doll sailing through the sky, he’s falling back down and kisses the dirt- something pierces his side and he grabs at his coat. The material isn’t ripped but he feels blood soaking through his shirt and making it stick to his skin. Fucking voodoo. Shit was mad annoying.
“I’m not a killer, don’t make me become one.” They sneered, crossing their arms in a show of clear defiance. He wasn’t sure what Niles did to piss them off, but it must've been nasty if he enabled a voodoo caster to loose their temper. They were usually pretty quiet and chill, only a few were egotistical but that was with every magical user.
Gavin ran at them again, he felt a small kindling of power on the soles of his feet and had a brief thought of Niles. He killed the warm fluttering inside his gut, smothered the butterflies with layers of acid, and stomped on any of his thoughts that might distracted him. That brought the pain back into his chest- at least the fucker wasn’t doing nothing while Gavin got his ass handed to him.
This time he can easily tell where the cold front brews inside their body, channels through their arm and surges into the palm of their hand. There’s a few seconds of charge, a whole moment of release before the backlash hits him squarely inside his chest and seeps into his veins. Gavin gets blown back much harder, a damn tree trunk prematurely ending his flight and knocking the wind right out of his lungs. He sees the red line- the cast of the spell zip down their torso and slither into their core, right as he feels a knife slice down his thigh. It hurts and he winces, struggling to find proper air for a minute as they watch him.
He gets his bearings as quick as he can, after Niles seemed to send a frying bolt of burning heat through their arm. They cry and stagger back, but Gavin can fucking tell that they’re preparing a dark energy inside their balled fists. He can see that shit too, a stupid purple that harbors black right inside the middle of it’s undulating mass. He can hear the ill-intent, like it’s whispering in his ears and Niles just stands there. Sure he’s fucking sucking the life force right out of them and leaving a never ending abyss of cold and fright, but the speed and depth his spell was going in wasn’t going to be enough to challenge the sheer velocity in their’s.
“Defigere et depurgare!”
Gavin wasn’t the stupid one.
He wasn’t, even when he sprinted despite the gash in his leg, ran regardless of the claw marks on his side- ignored the ache in his lungs as he panted and pushed himself to be faster. He wasn’t stupid even when he pushed Niles aside and felt the crackle and sizzling power of the force, the spell as it collided into the middle of his shoulder blade.
Gavin wasn’t dumb, he wasn’t an idiot. Even as he felt the remainder of his energy pour out of his body in black puddles out of his nose, even as a sickening bile rose up inside his throat and threatened to smother him. As the pounding of his heart slowed, quickened, fell, sped up. As the skin around his shoulder blackened and bruised before it peeled, as blood welled up and stained. While his skin burned and his adrenaline did little to numb the fiery agony that piloted his nerves.
He wasn’t stupid.
He bore it as much as he could, stumbled his way shakily up to the witch who looked genuinely choked- a bit appalled too- and horrified.
“Y-You weren’t- oh my, that wasn’t suppose to happen.” They talked softly, staring down at him in pity. He doesn’t need to be a fucking familiar to sense the shit they did to him. He’s sure Niles knows- Gavin was sputtering on that thick black ichor, it was spilling past his lips and turning his teeth charcoal, plastering itself along his airway and holding on as the red hot burn inched along his battered back. Fuck, did it hurt.
He reeled his fist back and decked them as hard as he could, knees almost buckling as he put all his weight into it. They fell, finally, already a red angry splotch appearing on their face. Gavin hacked, spitting the blood-black mixture on them and swiveled his head weakly to the side.
Niles was staring at him- eyes wide, mouth open and he could feel the trepidation, the dread, the heavy panging coming from him. Gavin pressed a hand to his side, sniffling and doing his best to get some fresh air. As nasty as his breathing sounded.
“Ho-How’re you still, uh- are you up?” Gavin isn’t sure, but he glares at them before assessing Niles from where he stands. Truthfully he doesn’t think he could walk over there if he wanted to. He was locking his knees to stay upright, refusing to go down no matter how tired he felt, no matter how fucking much his eyes wanted to close and he fall limp.
“Suffocetur,” Niles hisses as he waves two fingers into the air in a downwards motion. The other witch gasps- starts sounding as choked up as Gavin himself does, and they clutch at their throat. He chimes a moment after, voice steady and a firm latin accent taking over. “Manete.”
Their body freezes and falls to the ground, their eyes wide as they choke and gape for air. They stay exactly like that, paralyzed until finally they seize a final shaky inhale, eyes going half mast as they fully relax. Tension leaving their body completely, if only their death had broken the spell.
Gavin staggers, feet thudding heavily on the ground as he leans forwards, attempting to walk back the way he had come. His steps are messy and slow, sloppy and Niles stands in front of him. He’s panicked, Gavin can tell. Anxious and scared, his hands hover over him, not touching but something close- unsure. If he had the energy to laugh he would, but he currently couldn’t. The black sludge slows, turns thick and heavy inside his chest and he rasps to clear it.
“I can…I can fix this.” Niles utters it softly, resolutely. He’s patting down his coat and searching rapidly inside the pockets, skulls and vials clank, small bags of herbs and useless other shit like coins jingle. He cursed under his breath, Gavin assumes he doesn’t have what he’s searching for.
“Chloe can.” Gavin supplies quietly. Where the trees swaying? Or was that just him loosing it?
“You won’t make it to-,” Niles swallows. “You won’t make it to Chloe.”
The witch tries to touch him, to cradle his face. Gavin's muscles are so uncomfortably tight and drawn, he’s so stiff and sore but he recoils from the touch anyway. Niles looked hurt, feels hurt- almost as tormented as Gavin. The familiar tries to put distance between them, to step away, but his strength fails him and the witch has to hold him up, as embarrassing as that is.
“Gavin! Please, just- let me help you!”
“No.” Ichor oozes out of the side of his mouth, the crimson stain on his outfit shifting to match the inky murkiness. He could fall asleep, wrapped up in Niles’s arms- the very place he longed to be, loved being in, and dreamed of for the past week. The earth was spinning too fast.
“We’re not arguing over this!” Niles snaps above him, shaking a small bundle of a bag open and sorting through its contents.
“‘M not ‘rguin’, ‘m tellin’.” It felt fitting how easy his eyes closed. He was warm, well the fucking burn wounds boiling inside his skin probably had something to do with it but he elects to ignore it and dub it as something else.
When he drifts to the side of unconsciousness, he knows there’s no other place he’d rather be.
______________________________________
Everything fucking burns as he wakes up, his muscles scream as if every single one has been ripped to pieces inside his body. His back and sides seem to love shredding every inch of his nerves to tiny bits. He didn’t realize he had been making noises- wasn’t sure if he was screaming, gasping, or whimpering- until someone puts their hands on him.
They try and sooth him, honestly. He knows they are but their luck is just as bad as his, and he riots inside his own skin as the pain worsens and licks right up into his brain. He thinks he might just fucking pass out until something utters his name, dreamy like a sigh- warmth trickles over his ears and a therapeutic cold seeping into his overworked crumpled form. It’s nice but it does little to quell everything. It keeps him from blacking out entirely, the dizziness drowning his mind and spots lurching in his vision as he opens his eyes.
He smells Niles rather then sees him. And he smells as comforting and as nice as he remembers. Fingers work through his hand and trail down his back in a ghost’s touch.
“Better?”
Gavin breathes through his nose, is surprised to find that he could and wonders what happened to the ichor that attempted to drown him in his own body.
“I broke the spell, but I didn’t have enough to heal you. I’m sorry, I know it-..it must be incredibly painful.”
“ ‘ere’s Chloe?”
Niles stiffens beside him, but his fingertips stay gentle, tender as they pass through his hair. Gavin wants to feel proud that Niles is worked up, but he isn’t. If anything, it makes him feel worse as he lays there.
“Gavin…Can-,” The witch moves. He’s grimacing as he looks at the multiple injuries on the familiar. At least he had taken off Gavin’s jacket and shirt, so the burns could air out. But the bruises he knows he has and the slashes, well, they probably weren’t very pretty. “-can we talk?”
“No.” He says it too quickly. He isn’t sure if he means it, if he regrets it.
“You’re avoiding me.” It occurs to Gavin that he’s nestled in Niles’s lap. The asshole's coat thrown over the parts of him that were safe to cover while steering clear of the burn wounds. Thoughtful bitch.
“Gee, I wonder how you thought of that.”
“Gavin- look, I just-“
“No! Don’t even fucking talk to me!” That wasn’t the best thing to growl at the moment- his throat cried out at his snarl, sounding more like a broken pipe then anything with the small bout of wheezing he had. Stupid fucking death spells, they weren’t shit anyway.
“I had a hex bag in my pocket!”
“You’re a witch- you always have those! You fucking moron!” The dizziness racked up, he had to squeeze his eyes shut and breathe hard through his nose to dispel it. Niles hadn’t stopping tracing patterns, no doubt sigils, onto his back and carding his fingers through Gavin’s tangled as fuck hair.
They must look ridiculous like this; Gavin coddled up on his- the witch as he’s pampered. The arguments contradicting the tender motions and loving touches. Fuck, he’s missed this. The harsh teasing they had done, the small disagreements on food or other random shit. He missed how Niles’s hands felt on his scalp and how they ran over his spine. How much Gavin missed hearing his heartbeat and occasionally brushing his nails over a patch of skin- just in show of possession.
“It was live- I was jealous! I wasn’t thinking clearly, I didn’t mean any of those things! I like you, Gavin. And I never meant to, to fuck us up as bad as I did. Honest.” He doesn’t need to have his eyes open to feel the pleading puppy eyes boring into his shoulder. He can’t look into that bastard’s eyes, he just can’t. If he does he knows he’s screwed, that he’s over with.
He doesn’t mean to, and yet, he glances up and looks anyways and-
-fuck.
“Shut up!”
“I thought Tina would take you away from me!” Niles counters him, raises his voice an octave but his hand in Gavin’s hair filters over his ear. Muffling the butt of the impact of volume as he laid there resting, which was pretty sweet, he won’t lie. And it made his heart flutter and something in his stomach twisted and flipped. He felt flustered, in the middle of their argument he was fucking blushing. What the dick.
“Then you’re the real fuckin moron here!”
“I know- I’m sorry, Gavin.” And he shuts up at that.
He blinks some watery, embarrassing sniffles, forces tears to stay where they are and not to fall. He won’t loose it here, not now. Not in front of Niles. He won’t, he won’t.
“I’m sorry,” Niles repeats again. He takes his hand away, his thumbs drawing perfect circles on the base of Gavin’s neck as he frowns and furrows his brows. He sounds so full of regret, like he could cry- which is silly, because he’s never seen the witch even close to it before. “I was an asshole to you, I said horrible things and I know that’s wrong. I know I hurt you. And I know I can’t take it back and undo everything. If there was a spell out there, I’d cast it.”
He buries his head into Niles’s stomach, obscuring his face from view.
“Please understand, that what I said is not what I believe. I said whatever vile thing I could and ran with it. That’s my fault, and I apologize but Gavin, I-,” His hand drops to the side of the familiar’s face. Cups it, caresses it, and Gavin can feel the slight tremor in it. “I miss you. So much. More then I can describe.”
He remembers how they laid in bed together, cackling and snorting with laughter well into the night. Niles had his face in both hands, brushing noses and touching foreheads, pressing fleeting kisses. Gavin had turned them over, humming discretely as he trailed his own fingertips down the expanse of a toned chest, stared straight into grey eyes and sucked a mark right above his pec. He remembers the groan when his teeth nibbled and he tugged at the flesh, recalls the feel of skilled hands slinking lower on his back until they grab at his ass.
He remembers those nights
He misses those nights. He misses Niles. And it hurts more then the physical pain. More then anything he experienced before.
“I miss you too."