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I stumbled out of the cab and up to the dorm building, my head swimming slightly from the pleasant buzz I was feeling. It was the first time I had really been to a party in almost three months. I had been too busy studying for my classes. Most of my new friends were shocked at my new found dedication to my studies, but a majority of them were understanding. The ones who weren't... well, I decided that they were imbeciles and stopped talking to them shortly after.
I slowly meandered into the dorm building, heading towards the elevator to get to my room. I stepped into the elevator and pressed the button for the third floor, bobbing my head slightly to the elevator music. When the door slid open, I headed down the hallway to the room I shared with my roommate. I checked my watch and noticed that it was 1:30 in the morning, and after checking my pockets I realized my room key was missing. I knocked on the door.
“Who is it?” A groggy voice called from within.
“It’s Jude, babe.” I answered.
I heard footsteps from within walking toward the door. It popped open revealing my roommate, who also happened to be my secret boyfriend. I smiled at the sight of my first love, and (slightly) drunkenly eyed him up.
Connor Stevens had grown up.
Gone was the lean blonde boy I had met in middle school. He was replaced by the shaggy blonde haired, muscled adonis that stood shirtless in the doorway. He wore only a pair of briefs and an exasperated look of fondness on his face. I was lucky to have him as a boyfriend back then, but I am luckier now. I allowed myself a second of roaming eyes over his exposed six pack abs, wondering how I got so lucky. Again.
At the beginning of the year they moved me to a different dorm room, and Connor was my roommate. We soon fell into our old friendship with ease, and we only lasted a month before we pounced on each other and started making out.
“You know the door was open already, right?” He said exasperatedly, but affection still flooded his voice.
“...Oh. No I didn’t.” I said.
“How much did you drink?” He asked, ushering me into our shared room.
“Three beers.” I said, plopping back first onto my bed, “I’m just buzzed, I’m not blasted.”
“Good.” He said softly, sitting next me on my bed, “I just worry.”
“It’s fine, Connor.” I said quietly.
“How’s Callie and Mariana?” He asked.
“They hate their jobs, Mari’s coworkers are assholes, Callie’s boss is an asshole and Callie might have a bisexual boyfriend.” I rattled off.
“Oh, is that all?” Connor joked with a raised eyebrow, “I forgot how much drama follows you guys around.”
“You missed it and you know it.” I teased.
He climbs over me on the bed and cuddles up to me.
“God you have no idea.” He whispered, “I missed you guys so much.”
“When we tell them we’re back together, they are gonna freak.” I whispered with a giggle and gave him a soft kiss.
“Oh, definitely.” He agreed, “The look on your moms face alone is going to be fantastic.”
I giggled at the mental image.
“The look will probably be similar to the look on mine when I realized we were roommates.”
“Haha, yeah.” He said, kissing my forehead, “I’m so glad we found each other again.”
“So am I.” I said softly, “I was right, you know? Nothing was the same without you. It took weeks before...”
I stuttered to a stop, and eyed him carefully. Neither of us really have talked much about the in between years. The only details that he knew were secondhand anecdotes told by Taylor and Noah, the latter of whom Connor became surprisingly strong friends with. It was a welcome relief that both my high school sweatheart and my childhood sweatheart got along, but I don’t think anybody expected it them to get along THIS well. But anyway, I’m getting sidetracked...
“It took weeks before I could go to sleep without crying.” I finished softly.
Connor sniffled and pressed a kiss to my head, cuddling closer to me. He tucked his head under my chin.
”I’m not going to lie,” He whispered, “When you broke up with me that night... I was completely heartbroken. You were the best thing that ever happened to me. Without you I would still be in the closet, cowering in fear and terrified of who I was, terrified of what my dad would think and what my friends would think. The only reason I was brave enough to face that stuff in the first place was because you were by my side. And then to hear you say those things... did you really think that the only reason we got together was because we were the only two gay guys in our grade?”
“Of course not.” I assured softly, “I was just scared of the future, insecure, and a little bit angry about the situation that we had been forced into. All of it just got to my head, and it twisted my thoughts and in the end it ruined the best thing I’ve ever had. Sure, I had Noah. I had Taylor. And I had Jack, at least for a little while. But no matter how good they were they never matched you. They never even came close. Nobody ever will.”
Connor made eye contact with me, his beautiful hazel eyes red with tears.
"Do you remember the day I left for LA?" He asked quietly, his voice thick.
"I'll never forget." I said.
"Do you remember what you gave me?" He asked.
"Ha, yeah. I gave you a bottle of nail polish I swiped from Mariana." I said with a nostalgic laugh, "Why do you ask?"
He untangle himself and rolled over, pulling out the drawer of the bedside table. From within he withdrew a small empty bottle that was stained blue from the inside. I stared at it in disbelief.
"Y-You kept it?" I asked in awe.
"I wore it everyday until we broke up." He confessed, "I ran out that morning."
"I didn't think you'd keep it." I admitted, "I didn't keep most of the stuff you gave me... There's few things I regret more. I did keep the shirt you gave me the night of our LGBT prom."
"You didn't keep the PSP?" He asked.
"...No. If I did I don't know where it is." I said guiltily, "I think we sold it in a yard sale right after Jack died, unless Callie or Mariana swiped it back. I couldn't play it anyway. You never gave me the charger that went with it."
Connor barked a laugh.
"Yeah, true enough." He said, "It's fine. It's better to make new memories anyway.”
“I can’t wait.” I whispered, “... I love you, Connor.”
”I love you too, Jude.” He said, kissing me softly, “More than anything else in the world.”