Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Dahlia Qadri is too sensible for an engineer. Maybe even for anyone working in the tech industry. So of course she’s the one to kneel down and touch Levi’s arm and try to make eye contact while everyone else stands still, like a bunch of idiots with insanely high IQ, holding plastic cups either filled with beer or that horrible margarita mix that the guys from Marketing brought to the party.

Levi’s hunched down on the floor, eyes shot and breath coming in small, shallow puffs. At this state of mind, his thoughts are not very coherent. So of course along with spiralling deadlines, fixes and bugs on the three apps he manages, the trimester goals and key results and the mortifying shame of having a panic attack right in the middle of a company party, he is also judging his peers. That bunch of useless nerds. Just like Levi himself, right? And he’s judging himself too, of course.

“Hey, look at me” Dahlia says in a slow steady tone while gesturing wildly for someone to get the music down a bit. “Levi.” she insists and when the noise gets just a little less loud, his eyes snap towards hers.

He tries to say something but ends up with a gust of air leaving his open mouth, as if he’d just choked on one of those disgusting industrialised salty peanuts lying untouched on the drinks’ table.

“You’ve got to breathe. Breathe with me.” She inhales loudly, making a show of inflating her chest and nodding encouragingly.

It is stupid. But it kind of works.

After a few rounds, he manages to regain a little sense of his limbs and then Dahlia is practically hoisting him up - where did this skinny woman get all that strength? - and steering him god knows where. When they push past the heavy door of the staircase and it closes behind them, Kendrick Lamar’s voice is muffled enough for Levi to remember what silence feels like. His ears are still ringing though.

He sits on the first step he can get to, tucking his head between the knees. He tries to focus on keeping the breath thingy going. Dahlia seems to have settled alongside him, rubbing circles on his back. It’s stupid, yet soothing.

“Thanks” he croaks after a little while, risking getting his eyes out of the safety of his hands. Then he pats his face with his fingertips and contorts his face almost in pain. “I think I lost my glasses” he moans “ again .”

“I’ve got them” Dahlia smiles putting them in his hand. “Are you better now?” There is a tiny crease between her eyebrows that shows she’s not just being polite.

Levi takes a moment before answering.

“I think so-yeah” his voice is still shaky. He exhales and blurts “You really knew what to do over there.” his gesture on the direction of the party is a little spasmodic.

“I’ve dealt with those before” she says with the same confidence she’d use to talk about coding.

Levi perked up a little at that.

“ You’ve had panic attacks? Did you- you know… make them go away?”

Dahlia leaned forward, resting her hands on her knees.

“Back when I started in the company I was kind of a mess. It was, what, five years ago? I think it isn’t hard for you to imagine how was it like back then. Muslim girl” she tugged at her flowery hijab “working with engineering and with this pretty face?”

Levi snorted at that.

“What? I know how I look good and I own it.” she said raising her eyebrows. “Anyway, yeah, I felt like a fraud, had to work twice as hard than any other dude to get a tiny sliver of recognition. Eventually it became too much. I just had the luck of spasming out at home.”

“You seem fine now. How did you, you know, make it go away?” Levi’s hands start fidgeting with the hem of his button shirt without him realising.

“It wasn’t just one thing.” She raised her eyebrows. “First I did have to cut down the workload.”

Levi deflates at that.

“Right.” He mumbles.

“And then there was therapy and some drastic life changes to take care of the money maker.” She taps her forehead. “How old are you again, Levi?”

“What? You know I’m 24, why?” He furrows his brow.

“And you’re already managing your own team, and responsible for three products.”

“Yeah” he smiles a little

“That wasn’t a compliment.” Dahlia says deadpan.

“Okay..” Levi’s eyebrows shoot up to his hairline and he’s ready to argue, but Dahlia shushes him with a raised hand.

“You’re working yourself towards burning out. You don’t do anything besides working your ass off, do you?”

Levi scoffs.

“Of course I do. I… I do some mean grocery shopping.” And he’s moved from defensive to sheepish just like that.

“ Online grocery shopping doesn’t count.” Dahlia rolls her eyes. “And your social life is pretty much non-existent. For all I know I’m your only friend in this city.”

Levi can’t argue with that, so he hangs his head in defeat.

Sia’s muffled beat starts droning on about swinging from a chandelier. Levi feels like puking.

“I should go home.” He starts to stand up. After a little wobbling, he thinks he might even make it to the elevators without tripping over his feet.

……..

Taryn Helm is a lovely shade of crazy. Except when she’s dragging Levi to a party where he doesn’t know anyone. Right now she’s just being downright insane.

“Have you missed the part where I told you I moved here to get stress free? The last time I was at a party I freaked out.” He gestures wildly while she’s pushing him by the shoulders out of her front porch door.

“And I told you it’s a chill get together for a few people, not a rager.” She pats his shoulder and starts walking by his side down the street. They are walking to the party because apparently, this is what you do in small charming towns upstate. “It will be good for you. You have to make friends around here to help settling down”

“I’ve already got you.” He is not whining, he’s almost sure.

“You need friends, plural .” She elbows him and smirks sideways “And no talking about work.”

“Well, is not like there is any work to talk about right now.” he says reaching to adjust his glasses and finding nothing there. It is an adjustment to the contacts, still in process.

“A sabbatical is not a contract termination, Levi.”

“But it feels like it” he mumbles.

Taryn stops walking and Levi takes a few steps before he notices it. He has to turn back to see her standing with hands on her hips. He half expects her to spring a cowboy hat and draw a gun and say ‘this town ain’t big enough for the two of us’, but she just squints.

“The whole point of moving here is for you to figure out how to be a person beyond work, right?” She finally fires away and it hits him square on the chest. So he just nods and she goes on. “So I’m going to help you do it and you will not fight me on this or so help me god I’ll punch some sense in you.”

“Right” Levi’s eyebrows shoot up and he’s almost raising his hands to placate Taryn. But then she grins, skips a step as if preparing to go full on musical dancing style and starts walking again.

“Glad we’ve got that clear.” She loops her arm around his, probably a mix of moral support and assurance he won’t start running away “Now let’s go have some moderate and chill fun, Glasses.”

“That nickname, again?” Levi’s eye-roll is unavoidable.

Taryn just laughs.

“I’m glad you’re here, dork.” she says it like someone complains about the weather.

There’s a bit of silence before it dawns on Levi that he’s glad to be here too. And he tells her just that.

…….

Atticus Lincoln sure is the awesome buddy Taryn was gushing about. The moment they arrive at the party at his place he is all his teeth and smiles and envelopes her in a bear hug. Levi lounges back a little, hands on his pockets, and the tiny unease that he’s going to be left out in a place where everybody knows each other comes back. Taryn feels like a lifeline right now and the moment she ditches him, he’s sure it will be downright unpleasant and awkward, standing by the side trying not to feel out of place. Then he’ll have to deal with all thoughts spiralling back and-

“So, you’re the big shot friend Hellmouth won’t shut up about.” the party host says and snaps Levi back to reality with a hand landing on Levi’s shoulder.

Levi’s eyes scan his surroundings real quick, taking in the comfy, spacious, living room decorated with a mix of car and sports posters, and the furniture that doesn’t exactly match.  There is low key music that someone is playing on the guitar and no more than fifteen people mingling about between here and the kitchen that he can see behind the man currently clasping his shoulder. It all takes a second before comes back.

“Don’t believe everything she says?” He kind of winces a little, more out of reflex than anything, and finds out that he did really forget how to interact like a human being that isn’t a work machine. He manages a small smile though.

That is enough to get a hearty laugh from Atticus - no, Link, that’s how Taryn said he likes to be called - and a few pats on Levi’s shoulder. Taryn joins in the laughing.

“Don’t worry. It was all good things.” Link says after coming back.

“Mostly” Taryn chimes in.

Link snorts at that.

“Let me show you around, bud” he slings an arm around Levi’s shoulders like they’ve been best buddies for a long time, hooks his other around Taryn’s and they’re off to an impromptu grand tour.

“Hellmouth, uh? It fits.” Levi muses out loud without thinking and Taryn is making her trademark fake-annoyed face.

Levi is introduced to a bunch of friendly faces. There are some people cooking and drinking wine, while another group huddles around someone playing the guitar. They all seem to genuinely welcome him, and somehow he finds himself more at ease. A woman called Maggie stops chopping carrots to offer him some wine, but he ends up getting a bottle of water. Then he’s listening to someone recount Hellmouth’s latest face-off with a certain barista that she always seems to get into fights with.

“What, she never gets my name - or my order - right” Taryn explains with raised eyebrows and mock exasperation.

“That’s just because you and Carina are madly crushing on each other” Maggie intervenes “and you both seem to have the maturity of fifth graders.”

“You’ve had too much wine, missy.” Taryn points to her newest offender, whilst everyone else around seems to be having too much fun. Levi is too. “We need a change of scenery.” And she drags Levi bak to the living room.

They find some spots on Link’s tacky but too comfortable sofa and sit quietly to appreciate Link and other guy playing guitars while an older man with a raspy, pleasant voice, sings that the thrill is gone.

The words strike Levi like he’s just stuck his finger in a power outlet. He realises that he’s been having fun for the first time in, what, years? He’d always pictured himself like someone who was really passionate about his work, but it did not bring any joy to him anymore. The thrill was really gone, it seems.

Taryn pats his knee and says she’s gonna get another beer and asks if he wants one too. He smiles and shakes his head.

“I’m gonna stick to water for now.”

She’s off and people are passing the guitars around, while Link starts to sing a song Levi doesn’t know, and his voice is surprisingly pleasant.

“You’re new here, aren’t you?”

Levi turns to see the man who was singing before sitting down on a chair beside him.

“Oh-yeah. I’m Levi. Levi Schmitt, Taryn’s friend.” He jerks his hand up.

“Richard Webber.” He has a wise smile and shakes the offered hand before Levi can start wondering if the hand thing is a little too much. “I own the only diner downtown, so I know pretty much everyone around these parts. Couldn’t help noticing the new face.”

“It seems like a nice city.”

“Mainly good people around these parts.” Richard nods and looks around. “And good food too, I might say.”

Levi laughs at that.

“I’ll have to taste that for myself, then.”

“We’ll be waiting for your visit. Taryn always grabs something to eat in the mornings, on the way to work so you might want to join. You moving to town?”

“For a while, at least.” Levi shrugs. “I’m in some sabbatical, of sorts. De-stressing, it seems.”

“Life in a small city like ours will be good for you then.”

Levi smiles and he’s just about to say something about life in big cities but it kind of slips his mind. He gets distracted by the guy that’s just walked through the door carrying plastic bags and a six pack of beer and is smiling brightly, shaking Link’s hand, and then bro-hugging him.

It’s not that he’s the most gorgeous man he’d ever seen - although he is magazine model gorgeous level with the square jaw and sharp angles to the face. His height - at least six foot or more? - and swooped up hair finish to make up the standard hot guy checklist. But it is his smile that has just a little hint of goofiness and the way his eyes crinkle and…

“Nico is sure a good looking fella.” Richard is following Levi’s stare and has a pensive expression with a hint of a smile.

Levi’s attention is dragged back to reality and his brain short circuits.

“I wasn’t- I mean, it’s not what…”

Richard laughs heartily and pats Levi’s arm.

“Don’t worry, there is no crime in looking.”

Levi’s shoulders uncurl a tiny little bit and a small smile finds his way to his mouth. He clears his thoughts and stands up.

“I think I’m gonna get myself a drink.” And he chugs his water down before moving to the kitchen.

Taryn is clutching his arm right when he walks in and she is dragging him all the way to the stove.

“O my god, you have to taste Maggie’s special sauce, it's heavenly.”

Maggie smiles like someone who is used to being complimented and extends a wooden spoon so Levi can try it.

“It is delicious” he agrees.

“Your existence is actually not a total waste, it seems, Megs.” Taryn drops in

“You say the sweetest things, Hellmouth.” And Maggie’s smile has just a hint of irritation around the corners, but still seems like something the both of them are used to doing.

They enter a banter of who’s actually a waste, and Levi’s dragged in when Taryn says that he might actually the biggest waste, burying his life on work and all. Then Levi sees himself telling about what’s like to live back in the big city, and what life in the tech industry is like.

“P.O.? What does it stand for.” Link is asking because he’s just been dragged by Taryn to taste Maggie’s magic sauce.

“Perfectly Odinary.” Taryn says with too much certainty.

Levi slaps her arm.

“It means Product Owner. Basically, I managed teams that were responsible for developing and updating apps.”

“Oh, so you one of those programmer dudes?” Link says while fishing for more sauce. Maggie snaps his hand away.

“Wait until its ready.” She says

“No, I used to be a designer before I got promoted.” Levi goes on “I used to design the screens and all. Then I was managing three apps at once and seven people.” He is gesturing with his hands now and almost knocks of a bottle of wine. He jerks half with surprise, half trying to save it but someone grabs it first.

“Thanks, I’m such a disas-“ and Levi looks up to see the perfect square jaw and crinkly eyes from before half smirking at him. And here comes the brain-freeze again.

“It’s ok.” Nico says, touches Levi’s shoulder lightly and strides off. He manages to get a taste of Maggie’s sauce before getting back to the living room.

Now Levi has forgotten what he was even saying.

“You’re saying you were managing a team.” Maggie chimes in “You don’t do it anymore.”

Levi looks at her with a blank stare. What is she even going on about?

“His current position is Chill And Stress-Free Dude.” Taryn slings an arm around his shoulder and looks Levi dead in the eye. “And that’s enough work talk for one day.”

“Hey, you started it!” His mind has come back to the right track, thank God, and Levi is raising his hands in innocence.

“And I’m ending it.” Taryn stretches her neck towards a guy that is opening the fridge “Owen, when is your pool going to be fixed? We need that pool party A.S.A.P.”

And the conversation moves forwards until Maggie’s sauce is finally ready and people are dipping chips and chunks of bread in it.

“Hey, guys, wait until I get it into a bowl!” Maggie is complaining but seems to be pleased that her recipe is a success.

Soon Levi finds himself, carrying three small bowls of sauce towards Link’s living room. Taryn is right behind with several plates of many varieties of bread balanced in her arms. Levi’s is dreading the moment where he’s going to drop it by accident and waste Maggie’s magical sauce, whilst envying his friend’s coordination fiercely. In the end, he does manage to get his bowls into the coffee table between potato chips bags and half full glasses, so he collapses on the sofa and sighs his relief.

“Thank god I didn’t drop it.” He mumbles to himself.

“I would be here to catch it again if you did.” says Nico who happens to be sitting right beside him is smirking again “You were good either way” he winks and Levi feels like a fish that has just been yanked from the water.

“Maybe you should follow him around everywhere, then” Taryn is hellmouthing as she sets some bread plates on the table and picks up sauce bowls to distribute around the house. “Nico, have you met Levi?” She makes the introductions while tidying up the coffee table.

“Link was just telling me about your big shot friend that just got in town” he answers her, but he’s looking at Levi.

Levi has to find something to divert attention from the weird heat he feels creeping up on his face, so he aims for his friend.

“What kind of stories have you been telling people about me, Taryn?” He fires away, and thank goodness Nico is looking at Taryn’s busy handiwork now.

“Only the truth, Glasses. Only the truth.” And she’s off to the front porch where the majority of guests seem to be entertained by Link and Richard.

And Levi is alone. With that guy.

“Glasses? That a nickname?” Nico picks up where Taryn left.

“Yeah. She calls me that since the day I got wasted back in college and freaked out about losing my glasses. They were kind of hanging by my collar the whole time, and I just found them after I lowered my head to puke all around the floor. I usually put contacts on to avoid things like that.”

“I bet you look cute wearing glasses” Nico is smiling at him. Then he is standing and saying he’ll be back in a second and Levi is sure he scared him off with his uncontrollable babbling.

The moment he finishes berating himself for his lack of social aptitude, Nico is already back.

“There you go.” Nico extends him an open bottle of beer - no the cheap kind but what looks like quality craft brew.

Levi grabs it automatically.

“For me? Thanks.” He looks to the bottle for a second and loses himself in thought instead of drinking it.

“Something wrong?” There is a crease in Nico’s brow that only makes him more handsome. “You don’t like beer?”

“I do, I like it.” Levi sighs “I was just thinking that the last time I drank beer I had a full-on panic attack, but maybe it was not the beer that caused it? I mean, is there a single cause to panic attacks? I’m thinking it is a combination of internal and external factors, but surely it is more stress related, so maybe beer won’t be such a bad idea drinking it.”

Nico grinning now.

“You feeling chill right now?”

“Super chill” and Levi nods more than once.

“Then just stick to less beer and more quality and you’ll be fine. Cheers” Nico clinks his bottle with Levi’s. “This is a pretty good local brand” he tilts his head back to take a swig of his own, and his throat bobs a little and its a little bit ridiculous how it looks… sexy? Levi is sure his halfway delusional by then. So he just takes a sip from his own bottle to keep from babbling something stupid again.

“It’s really good!” And he wasn’t expecting it. He raises the bottle to inspect the label.

Nico grins.

“See, totally worth it.”

“Yeah, totally.” Levi agrees. He stares at Nico, then clears his throat and raises his bottle. “So, what other local things are this good?”

Nico turns sideways to face Levi and stretches his arm on the back, almost touching Levi’s shoulders.

“Oh, have you seen the lake down south? It's amazing…”

Levi smiles softly and just enjoys Nico chatting animatedly about all the sights, and food and seasonal fairs that the city and its surrounding provide.

He feels like this sabbatical thing was Taryn’s greatest idea so far.

Chapter Text

Casey Parker is someone Levi wishes he’d known a long time before.

“Just leave the guy alone, Taryn” Casey chastises while trying to contain his laughter at the same time. At least he’s trying to help Levi. Sort of.

After a few days of doing nothing around town and almost going crazy, Levi gets to spend the morning at the vet clinic Taryn works. While she is the animal doctor along with her boss, Casey takes care of the administrative stuff and mans up the reception from time to time. Saturdays are lazy days, so they’re all hanging around the lounge area talking about anything and nothing. Until Taryn starts jabbing at Levi about being taken for a tour around town by a certain someone.

“What!” Taryn is all mock offended and looks at Casey with mirth dripping from the corner her lips“It’s good that he found himself a boyfriend so fast. I’m complimenting him.”

Levi rolls his eyes.

“It’s not a date. He just offered to show me around. He’s being friendly.”

Casey is shaking his head like he doesn’t believe it even a little bit, while Taryn is squinting at Levi.

“Are you saying this so it’s more surprising when he kisses you?”

Levi opens his mouth, with no idea of what to answer but then the door chimes and a woman in her late thirties walks in, blond hair tied on a ponytail, holding a fluffy little poodle on her arms. Both Taryn and Casey spring up and get in motion.

“Hey, Frankie.” Taryn is walking towards her hunching a bit, hands on knees, to look at the little dog “What happened to little Pancake here?” The dog sure doesn’t look so good, all limp and tired looking.

“Oh he’s been like this since yesterday, but I couldn't let Richard alone at the diner to bring him in before.”

“C’mon, let’s get this little guy looked at.” Taryn touches Frankie’s arm and guides her to the double doors beside the reception station, towards the examination rooms.

Frankie looks at Casey while walking and he just raises a comforting hand.

“Don’t worry about paperwork, ma’am. We’ll get to it later. Go on.”

Frankie has a grateful smile on her face before disappearing behind Taryn.

“Woa, that’s a whole new Taryn.” Levi can’t help commenting.

Casey smiles and walks towards the row of orange plastic chairs where Levi’s been hunched since he got here and sits right across.

“I think she drops her defences more easily around animals.” Casey shrugs, an earnest look on his face.

Levi sobers up and looks towards the doors where Taryn was off to. He did intend the comment as a joke, but it made sense.

“Yeah, I couldn't picture Taryn doing anything else besides being a vet.” Levi finally concedes.

Casey nods and then smirks a little.

“She’d make a mean sports referee though.”

Levi snorts.

“Or a great traffic guard. She’d dish out tickets like a pro.” He quips and they are both laughing at that.

There is some silence after that, where they both enjoy just being there without the need to force any conversation. Although Levi just met Casey a few days ago, being around him feels familiar enough. It’s like Taryn manages to befriend people that somehow fit together when they meet. He kind of admires her a little more for that.

“So, you and Nico, uh?” Casey comments, still watching the beautiful morning outside, all blue skies and fat clouds, through the glass doors.

Levi groans at that, smashing a hand on his face softly.

“Really, is not like that” he almost mumbles “I’m really sure he’s just being a nice.”

“He sure is a nice guy, yeah.” Casey agrees. “But he didn’t offer to show Hunt around when he moved here last year.” And the hint of a smile and his raised eyebrows are almost challenging.

Levi closes his eyes and sinks a little on his chair.

“I mean, Taryn did tell me is into guys, which by the way is a little surprising with how much he uses the word dude-”

“Stereotyping much, uh?” Casey interrupts and Levi laughs

“Yeah, my bad. I think I should be checking myself for that. But even if he is gay and all, I’m still…” Levi trails off because he doesn’t know how to say it without sounding like a moron.

“What? He’s not your type?” Casey interjects and there is no little amount of surprise in his tone. “I’m not attracted to guys and even I know he looks good.”

“Ohh, no. No. He’s totally my type.” Levi crosses his moving his hands on a negative gesture with a lot of energy now “I mean, I’m not sure I have a type? It’s not like I’ve dated around, you know? Taryn is not exaggerating when she says I lived only for working, so I’ve never actually stopped to consider what is my type. But he’d definitely be it, yeah.” He is nodding more to himself than anything.

“Then, what’s the problem with it being a date?”

“It is more like the other way around. The problem.”

“What do you mean?” Casey says, hunching forward, elbows resting on his knees

“How can I be his type? It doesn’t make sense. I’m a total lost cause.” Levi is almost heaving by then.

Casey is downright laughing at that.

“The sole fact the guy is coming on strong into you should be reason enough for you to know that he is more than a little interested, Levi.”

“You think?” Levi’s voice gets a little high and he clears his throat.

Casey nods.

“Believe me, this whole showing around town thing is like a huge c’mon. And we haven’t ever seen Nico so invested in someone. He is an all-around nice guy, but kind of a loner, you know? He doesn’t mess around if you know what I mean. ”

“Oh” Levi’s eyebrows are almost up to his hairline by now.

“And that’s why there may be a whole crowd of people cheering on you both. But you didn’t hear it from me.”

“What? What do you mean?” Levi is sitting up straight now.

Casey laughs again.

“That’s one thing you’ll learn from small-town life. Everyone gets into everyone’s business. All the freaking time. But everyone around here means well, so it’s kind of ok.”

Levi is smiling a little after that. Then his cellphone chimes and there is a message, a smiling emoticon from Nico. He looks outside to see a big truck parked just in front of the glass doors and the man is inside waving.

“Well, I think my maybe-date is up.”  Levi says and stands up. I’ll see you later.”

“That’s more like it.” Casey is grinning. “And Levi!” He calls when Levi is halfway through the door.

“What?”

“Just for the record, you don’t look too bad yourself. Maggie just spent the night gushing about ‘how cute Taryn’s friend is, oh my god’ after Link’s party and I had to physically shut her up.”

Levi just laughs at that.

“Say bye to Taryn for me.”

….

Nico Kim is… something. Levi’s brain comes to a blank every time he thinks about the man on the driver’s seat right next to him. Instead, he tries not to waste too much time inside his own head. He fails just about half of the time.

“I thought we could head to the lake while the sun is up and get lunch at Joe’s, that Italian place in the district nearby I told you about.” Nico says with eyes on the road and a bit of excitement showing on the corner of his eyes. “Don’t let Richard know about that though.” He winks at Levi before going back to looking forward.

The wink does something funny to Levi’s stomach. He chooses to ignore it, laughs at Nico’s joke than jumps to the first thing that comes to mind.

“Did you live here your entire life too? Went to school with Link, and Taryn and Casey and all?”

Nico shakes his head

“I met Link back in college. My parents still live on the east coast, where I grew up.”

“And how did you end up being such a good connoisseur of these parts?” Levi makes a silly voice and Nico actually laughs at that.

“I’ve been around for almost five years now.” There was a pause and Levi turns sideways a little, paying attention. Nico seems to understand it and goes on. “After graduation, I’ve spent two years in a corporate job.” he grimaces at that “Hated every second and complained the hell out of it too. So one day Link shows up at my door, fed up with working inside an office too, holding up a plan to open a metal workshop back in his hometown, in this old building he just inherited from his grandfather. And here I am ever since. It took a little to get things going but eventually, it worked out. Now we make pretty much everything from doors, railings, and structures and business kinda good.” He shrugs like its nothing. For Levi, it feels almost magical. He sighs.

“This kind of change sounds really nice. And a metal workshop? That’s cool.” Levi nods. “How did you guys go from a corporate job to that?”

Nico flashes him a smile.

“It was always a shared passion of Link’s and mine. We’d spend hours on our college workshop making stuff. It was kind of stupid that we took so long to think of it as more than just a hobby.”

“That’s kind of amazing.” Levi just stares into space and almost dives into a thought spiral about his own corporate job and all the complications in his life, but Nico pulls him out of it.

“So, you taking a sabbatical? This town’s gonna be good for stress relieving, trust me. I can’t see someone managing a panic attack with this scenario.” Nico gestures to the beautiful trees along the road and Levi can’t help agreeing to that, while internally wincing for having mentioned his panic attacks to Nico before. Real smooth, Schmitt.

“I’m counting on it.” Levi muses, and because his halfway inside his head, he just goes on “I’m not sure what I’m even going to do with my life after that.”

“What do you mean?” Nico asks and when Levi looks at him he seems genuinely interested.

“I’m not sure about my job anymore, you know?” He shrugs “Working at the company used to be pretty much what I did with my whole life. For sometime I was passionate about it, but somehow it just became anxiety and stress and well… boom. I’ve been here for, like, I week and a half and I can’t see myself going back to that.” He gestures a bit and he’s feeling a little hopeless now.

“How long is you leave?”

“Six months.”

Nico’s eyes go a little wide at that.

“How did you manage to get that much time in with a private company job?”

Levi slumped a little at that.

“It’s accumulated vacation time?” He’s a little embarrassed by that, now that’s he’s saying out loud.

“Wait, you've never taken a vacation before?”

“Not really.” His laugh is a little nervous.

“Dude, workaholic wasn’t an exaggeration, uh?” Nico laughs softly.

“No, it wasn’t. But I’m working on changing that.” Levi quips and maybe he’s feeling a little more hopeful for just saying it.

“That’s the spirit.” Nico says. “And take it from someone who’s been there, you’ll figure it out eventually. You’ve got plenty of time.” He smiles and there is a little silence before he blurts “And maybe you’ll even decide to stick around.”

Levi thinks he might just do that, yeah.

Chapter Text

When they pull up at the lake Levi can see that Nico’s praises to the place were far from an exaggeration. More like understating. The lake south from town is vast, surrounded by forest and hills going softly above the ground, and there are birds and a few people fishing or boating here and there. Levi kind is kind of expecting for the orchestrated soundtrack to start when he finishes taking it all in. He says so and Nico laughs at that.

As they walk the conversation flows so easy that the whole ‘is it a date or not?’ thing fades from Levi’s mind. They walk a small track that goes around from the public parking spot towards some sort or resort that’s perched right on the next hill.

Nico tells him how the place gets packed on certain seasons, and spring is the most beautiful it gets. They walk down a small docking area and they look at the lake while Nico is recounting all the saga of setting up the workshop and the string of epic fails before both he and Link finally had it going. Levi is almost bending forwards from laughing so much.

“Seriously we had no idea that you had to get specific pipes for that much pressure.” Nico is laughing too at that.

“So you guys really flooded the whole building?” Levi is wiping a tear from the corner of his left eye.

“We had to pay for the repairs on the sidewalk too. Then we decided to finally accept that we couldn’t handle it all and hired some specialised professionals, yeah.”

“Then you guys finally opened it up?”

“After all the refurbishing, we did it. And when I suggested that we could wing it with the administration part Nico just slapped me on the head and called Casey for some consulting, so we dodged a bullet.”

“Very wise, Mr Kim. Learning from your mistakes.” Levi can’t resist quipping and Nico is laughing while scratching the back of his neck with a guilty expression that is almost adorable.

“Link does say that I may be a little bullheaded sometimes.”

Levi laughs at that.

“So after Casey jumped in you guys were all set?”

“Yeah. There may have been some fighting about where my studio would be, but I did get the mezzanine space after some compromise.”

“You’ve got a studio?”

Nico gets all wide-eyed at Levi’s question and he makes a face like he said something he shouldn’t have. He finally exhales half in defeat, half in amusement.

“I kind of mess around with making metal sculptures in my free time.” He shrugs, and is he embarrassed right now?

Seeing Nico like that makes Levi smile.

“Can I see it?” he blurts without thinking, and Nico is wide-eyed again.

“Oh - I don’t… I mean it’s not like I’m good, dude. I don’t even tell people about it. I don’t have formal training or anything. I just took some art electives back in college but still. It’s not a thing, you know?”

And now Levi has made Nico uncomfortable for the way he is avoiding eye contact. Of course his social ineptitude wouldn’t be cured by a week and a half away from work.

“It’s just- I’m sorry” he whispers and deflates a little looking anywhere else but at Nico.

There is a silent pause and Nico’s sigh makes Levi chance a small glance towards him. Is he kind of smiling?

“We can swing by the workshop before after lunch if you really wanna see it, I guess.”

“No, I’m sorry if I overstepped or something. It’s okay.” Levi is raising his hands.

“It’s fine, really. You’re not overstepping.” He touches the small of Levi’s back as if to comfort him, and Levi’s brain freezes, but kind of in a good way. It gets him out of his anxiety spiral. “That’s it. We’re going to the workshop now.” Nico says with a decisive tone.

Levi is about to interject but Nico grabs his hand and smiles, pulling him back to the car, so he can’t help following.

“Just, not laughing at my bad art skills, ok?” Nico warns and Levi is nodding like crazy.

Nico Kim is an artist. Now that Levi managed to shut his crazy brain down, he is slack-jawed about how amazing the man is.

“You actually made this? All of it?” Levi is almost whispering. They’re standing on a wide mezzanine with wide arched windows in the metal workshop. Midday light streams on the spacious place and it feels like they’re suspended on time.

He walks around looking and trying not to touch all of Nico’s sculptures, disposed on an absent-minded way on the floor and on benches among tools, boxes and scraps of metal. The pieces range from small to man-sized, and they straddle the line between figurative and abstract, meshing angles and curves in a way that is all dream-like.

“Look, Link is always getting on my ass to stop being sensitive about this thing and I figured you’d why not start with now.” Nico has his hands on his pockets. “But, really, you don’t have to point-“

“This is amazing!” Levi cuts Nico, gesturing wildly “You’re amazing.” He turns to look at Nico and the man’s expression changes from panicked, to confused, to something Levi cannot figure out. After wandering around he comes to a stop right in front of Nico and they’re actually really close, less than a foot apart. Levi doesn’t give it too much attention because he is intent on figuring what is going on inside those dark eyes.

“You like it?” Nico finally looks Levi in the eyes, and whatever he sees it makes his expression soften.

“If I like it? I love it!” He is gesturing with his hands and they kind of bump Nico on the chest by accident “It looks like something that belongs in a gallery back in-.”

And he can’t finish his sentence because suddenly Nico’s lips are covering his own, and Nico’s hand is on the back of his neck while the other hand is pulling the front of his shirt, and it is all frantic and a little wet and wonderful, and then it’s over.

Levi almost flails forward, eyes still closed, with the sudden interruption. Nico steadies him with his hands on both Levi’s shoulders but stays a few inches apart.

“Shit.” Nico gasps “I’m sorry, that was abrupt-“

“It was perfect.” Levi can’t avoid interrupting. Then his eyes go wide “You’re sorry? For kissing me?”

“No!”  Nico shakes his head but doesn’t let go of Levi. “I was going to kiss you after we had an awesome date. I had it all planned, but then you make me bring you here and now I jumped the gun.” He sighs.

“So this is a date, uh?” Levi is smiling a little now.

“Of course it is.” Nico’s voice rumbles low and he kind of pulled Levi closer a little bit. “I thought it was obvious.” His brow furrowed.

“Maybe?” Levi laughs a bit nervously at that “I’m really behind on the whole socialising department if you haven’t noticed.” He shrugs.

Nico smiles at that.

“I thought the whole bumbly thing with no filter was part of your charm.” His eyebrows are high up, and the smile turns into a grin. “And I’ll tell you what, it’s working.”

Levi smiles back and then he is bouncing on his feet and biting his lower lips.

“So” he clears his throat “I know you kind of had a plan about this date and all, but do you mind if If I kissed you again? ‘Cause I wasn’t really expecting the first one, and I really would like to enjoy it? I mean, it’s ok if you-“

Nico hauls Levi in and kisses him properly, not as urgent as before. He takes his time exploring Levi’s mouth with his own. Levi’s hands slide up to his neck, fingers are playing with Nico’s hair on their own accord. It feels like they have the whole time in the world and its soft and slow like honey.

Eventually, they come up for air. Levi rests his forehead on Nico’s chest while panting a little.

“Did you just kiss me to get me to stop talking?” Levi blurts. When he looks up, Nico’s mouth is curled up sideways.

“Yep. But it was also because your lack of filter is weirdly a turn on for me.”

They laugh about that for a long time.

Chapter Text

It starts because of the smallest, stupidest thing.

It is the beginning of a lazy Friday night and Nico and Levi are at Levi’s new place. They've been two weeks into this undefined thing where they go out on dates, hold hands, kiss, make out and have sex and make dopey eyes at each other when they’re in the same room but don’t dare risking any sort of definition.

Nico pads around not wearing shoes, just socks, jumps onto the couch and sets his feet on the coffee table, all comfortable and lazy with a relaxed expression on that beautiful face of his.

“Your place is kinda neat.”

Levi takes two mugs filled with tea from the small kitchenette counter and sets one beside Nico’s feet while joining him on the sofa. He shoots Nico a pointed look, brows high up.

“It’s a pool-house.” He says flatly.

Nico smiles and musses up Levi’s hair.

“It’s small, yeah, but cool, Levi. Like a loft apartment with no doorman, or something.” His hand ends up on Levi’s shoulder and pulls him closer. “It was cool of Casey to offer it for you to rent.”

Levi rests comfortably against Nico’s side and sips his tea.

“It was Maggie's idea. She was the one to suggest Casey put up this pool-house to some use by renting and all. She’s kind of a control freak. But a nice one.”

Nico laughs softly at that. “I like that you’ve got your own place now. We won’t have Taryn taking tabs on you sleeping at mine.”

Levi laughs along. "This place sure is better than Taryn's couch. And the whole renting this place came up because she  was teasing me mercilessly about the amount of time we spend together, so we owe her the solution too.”

Nico smiles amused at that. “How so?”

“Well, Taryn was being her usual self when Maggie jumped to my defence and concluded that I needed privacy to, quote, do stuff with my boyfriend” Levi's laugh dies after two seconds and then his eyes go wide, mouth silently saying oh. “I’m not- she was the one. I mean- we don't have to...” He starts to pull away as he stutters his way into a weird apology.

Nico’s arm around his shoulder holds him with an iron grip, so Levi stops stuttering and ducks his head as if trying to escape the embarrassment of jumping the gun.

“Hey.” Nico whispers, his other hand coming to Levi’s cheek.

When Levi looks up Nico’s eyes are intent, a tiny corner of his mouth tugging upwards.

“I kind of like the sound of that, you know? Boyfriends. Maybe we should get on board with Maggie’s ideas. They seem wise.” And his wink makes Levi relax a little.

“You think so?.” He asks and Nico just nods. Levi lets out a breath he didn’t realise he was holding in. “Me too.” He finally croaks.

Nico leans in for a kiss, all smiles, and they end up lying on the couch, Levi underneath with Nico’s full weight on top. They take it up to Levi's new bed and that’s where the magic happens. Afterwards, they're panting legs tangled, no clothes on and silly smiles on their faces. Nico drops a kiss on top of Levi’s messed up curls.

“Now I’ve got to plan something nice for Valentine’s day.” Nico whispers, almost as if thinking out loud on a daze.

Levi’s chest warms up at that because Valentine's day is like eight months away and Nico is already making plans and it sounds so sweet. He also feels like sticking with this boyfriends thing for an indefinite amount of time. A stupid voice inside his head even says that maybe it could be forever, but he shushes it down because he is not that sappy.

Then dread starts to set in because Valentine's day is eight months away, but his days in town are counted. Less than six months now.

Levi listens to Nico’s breath slow down, slipping into a peaceful sleep. The taller man cuddles up to Levi as if his small boyfriend is a human-sized teddy bear and it would be so nice if Levi’s thoughts were not spiralling with implications of the future.

It takes a long time for him to join Nico on dreamland, and he kind of hates himself the whole time it takes to sleep for ruining such a sweet moment with his head going haywire.

Chapter Text

The last drop happens at the carnival.

Levi is five months into this new life and he is already familiar with every single corner of this  small town he’s beginning to think as home. Yet the thoughts of what’s going to happen when  his six-month leave of absence ends still haunt him like shadows dancing on the corner of his eyes.

Lately it’s been harder and harder not to worry about it every time something good happens. This town has shown him what life is about: friends, love, good times and good food. But there is the whole issue of work and what to do with his life and everything tangles in his head in a messy cloud of thoughts. Still he manages to keep it all inside, because nobody deserves to deal with the amount of neurosis he’s stocking up. And he’s pretty sure it would scare the hell out of everyone.

That’s why he finds himself half an hour late to meet with Taryn and Casey.

“Sorry guys, I really lost track of time closing the coffee shop.” He says in greeting, joining his friends on a wooden bench overlooking the whole setup.He haunches a little and pretends to himself it is because of the cold, not because of the weight of worrying too much bearing down on his shoulders.

The Midsummer Carnival seems to be a thing around these parts, and there are a lot tourists to enjoy the festive decorations, the lights, the rides and the games.

“I still can’t get why you have to work.” Taryn grumbles around a mouthful of roasted corn. “The whole sabbatical thing was for you to chill, dude.”

“Brewing coffee and cleaning up tables is kind of therapeutical, if you really want to know. I kinda like it. That’s why I took Webber’s offer to cover for Hannas’ maternity leave.” Levi states while rubbing his hands together surprised with the sudden chill of the night. “I wasn’t expecting this much cold. It was sunny today.” He changes the subject to something that hopefully won’t set Taryn into overprotective momma bear mode.

She says something incomprehensible with a full mouth and Casey nods. Levi looks at him with a questioning look.

“Winter comes fast around this parts.” He translates dutifully.

Levi nods, looks around, takes it all in.

“You guys seen Nico around? We were supposed to meet here.”

“He’s off with Link and that De Lucca guy” Taryn grumbles.

“Whats with the tone?” Levi furrows his brow, but he can’t help a hind of amusement showing on the corner of his mouth coming up.

“She’s jealous.” Casey states like something that is common knowledge.

“Maybe I am jealous that he is all buddy buddy with my high school best friend. So what?” Taryn crosses her arms full of indignation.

“I actually thought it was because he’s been banging Grey.” Casey counters.

“Meredith Grey?” Levi’s eyebrows shot up at that “The epic unrequited high school crush? You’re seriously not over that?”

Taryn face is suddenly resembling a boiled beet and it is the most amusing thing Levi has ever witnessed.

“It’s not about her.” She grinds out between her teeth and bites another mouthful of corn to avoid talking.

“Oh my god, it totally is!” Levi exclaims and he can’t help coughing a laugh.

Taryn mutters something with a full mouth, stands abruptly and walks away with and angry step.

“Taryn, sorry! I didn’t mean to-” Levi tries to call after her, but she’s gone like lightning and he deflates when she gets out of sight. “I think I went overboard with the teasing.” He mumbles.

Casey bumps shoulders with him. “She’s always teasing people way beyond that, but apparently Grey is still a touchy subject.”  He says half to Levi, half to himself “When she simmers down she’ll be back like nothing happened, though.”

“Hope so.” Levi whispers and he shivers a bit from a sinking feeling that he’s messed up.

They keep on the bench in silence, and a gloomy feeling that he’s fucked up badly somehow keeps twisting inside Levi’s stomach. He’s only yanked from his daze when a hand rests on the nape of his neck.

“Hey babe.” Nico’s smile is enough to warm Levi’s insides.

“Hey you.” Levi smiles back automatically and drops a chaste kiss to his boyfriend’s cheek. He knows Nico isn’t a fan of PDA, but he needs this kind of contact right now. Curiously, it doesn’t seem to bother him at all.

“Yo dudes, how’s it going?” Link comes striding after Nico, fist bumps Levi and Casey and plops himself on the bench and busies himself with eating cotton candy.

“Someone’s cuddly today.” Nico says fondly and sneaks an arm around Levi’s shoulder. It makes the chill in the air much more bearable and Levi leans in.

“Is it too weird?” He frowns at Nico, whose smile widens in response.

“No way, I like it” he sounds smug, so it’s all good.

Nico, Casey and Link start chatting about something that Levi is not really paying attention to. He just soaks up in Nico’s heat and tries to pretend he hasn’t been worrying nonstop like a mad person the past week. And then Link’s voice gets to his ear and pulls at his attention:

“… so DeLucca is taking Grey on a weekend trip this Valentine’s day and just lost my FIFA partner. I know it is not for a couple weeks, but do you guys want to fill in?”

Levi turns sideways and Link does have his goofy square smile that suggests he already knows he’s getting no as an answer, but he’s still hopeful.

“Nah, I’m going to visit Allison this weekend.” Casey shrugs.

“I’m not sure” Nico says scratching his neck in the way he does when he’s kind of embarrassed. “I might have something planned with Levi here.”

Levi does a double take at this.

“You do?”

Nico looks at his shoes. “Yeah, but is kind of a surprise.” He shrugs.

Something warm spreads on Levi’s stomach and it goest up to the tip of his toes. It comes like a wave and it goes up his throat and he almost blurts three words that would be too mortifying to say in front of everyone for the first time.

Then everything turns cold and he tenses up.

You’re not going to be here in four weeks, remember?

And that is the tipping point where his lungs stop obeying and suddenly he just can’t breathe. He can’t hear anything. It’s like every sound around him fades while his body kind of goes limp. Nico is the one to notice it first, of course, because he has an arm around Levi’s shoulders and he gets this worried look on his face.

Levi kind of wishes he could just wipe this sad look from Nico’s face, because no awesome guy like him should ever feel bad. Nico is not just handsome and hot, that’s what everyone see when they first look. But Nico is also strong inside. He is dependable and will endure anything for the people he likes. He’s also smart and can make beautiful things with his hands, sculpture wise and other things in bed too. And Nico is silly with his awful jokes and dorky smile. He doesn’t laugh as much as he guffaws, because even that he does with his whole heart on it.

And that’s what squeezes Levi’s own heart a little bit tighter and makes it everything hard to breathe. Because he’s just figured out he loves this man and it should be a wonderful moment. But he’s going away so soon and as much as he’d like to stay, he doesn’t have a place here. Not an actual place.

He only knows how to be Levi, the designer turned team manager, and there is no tech company in a good five hour drive radius. He can’t put that in miles because it feels hard right now. Breathing also feels so hard. And what can he be, if he’s not being what he spent the last six years shaping to be? Even if he’s not in love with that, because now he knows what is to love something and it is what he feels for Nico, yes it’s just that. He’s useless without his job and being a barista is not long term. He can’t be a failure and be worthy of Nico, the awesome beautiful talented guy who manages to live off his passion.

“Levi, babe, you have to breathe. Please do it for me babe.”

It’s not what Nico says that brings Levi back, but how he says it. He can’t take the pain in the voice of the man he loves, and it pulls him from his own stupid ridiculous spiral of thoughts. And he heaves a breath in.

“That’s it. One breath after the other.”

When he comes to himself, he’s being carried by Nico. And yes it should feel safe and warm but all he feels is the humiliation. He tries to get back on his feet but Nico’s arms tighten when he moves feebly.

“I’ve got you babe. We’ll get you home.”

They eventually get there, after Nico deposits his mess of a boyfriend on the passenger seat and drives while holding his hand the whole time.

Levi is still limp, despite the rush in his ears receding. It feels like he’ll implode in shame and self pity or something.

When Nico opens the passenger door and tries to scoop his boyfriend back into his arms, Levi pats his shoulder and smiles weakly.

“I’m fine now, I can walk.”

Nico nods at that but keeps a hand around his shoulders as they walk slowly around Casey’s front yard towards the pool house.

“I was just looking for an excuse to have you in my arms, you know” Nico jokes and it does get a laugh out of Levi. He bumps hips with his giant boyfriend on a silent thanks.

Levi still can’t get over the shame of this whole freak out when they reach the door. So he stops Nico when he tries to get in.

“I think I need to be alone, Nico.”

His boyfriend gets all wide-eyed before squinting at Levi.

“I’m not about to leave you alone after a panic attack, Levi.” He is soft and firm at the same time, and it just intensifies the feeling in Levi’s stomach of how little he deserves this man.

“Please Nico, I just.” He chokes and fights a battle with the tears that want to come out. “I’m not -  It’s just… ..I don’t want you to see me like this.” He whispers looking at his own feet. He knows if he looks Nico in the eyes he’ll just burst into a fit of ugly crying.

“I’ll keep him company.” Taryn’s blessed voice says, as she comes walking with Casey and Maggie. She touches Nico’s shoulder gently and looks him in the eye. “I’ll get him back into shape  and will return him to you good as new” she half jokes but it can’t keep the pained expression from Nico’s face.

He just nods curtly and turns on his heels.

“God, now he’s mad at me” Levi whimpers.

“He’ll be fine. It’s just a matter of a good apology and some make up sex and you two will be back on track.” Taryn counters coming in and ushering Levi into the couch. “But we have to focus on getting you better first. And for real, this time.”

Levi closes his eyes and sighs.

She’s right, of course.

Chapter Text

Nico Kim is dumbfounded right now.  It has been kind of a build up to it, and it took years.

First there is the disastrous relationship that was his first love, back in the first years of college where everything crashes and burns because of two heavily immature guys not knowing what they want or who they are. Nico is the one to end it. Yet, he keeps hurting from everything that’s they say to each other during their breakup talk for the better part of the following year.

Then there is the string of casual relationships. He keeps every single dude he sleeps with at arms length and avoids real intimacy in favor of getting off as much as possible. It starts great because after the disaster of the teenage years he turned out to be good looking and the hours at the gym help a lot too. So there is an ego boost on the constant hookups when he needs it.

But after a while, things start to get a little weird. It’s like Nico starts the hookups feeling empty and ends up even worse. What follows is that the city life, the office job, it all gets to him and when Link shows up with this wild idea of opening a metal workshop in this small unknown place, he decides he’s going to retire from this random hookup life.

He falls in love with this small cozy city, full of weirdly charming people - or charmingly weird if you look at another angle - and settles into a comfortable solitude that is not lonely. He makes friends, he works the metal. He kind of finds himself without the invisible pressure to be with someone. Nico finds that he doesn’t need to be the object of people’s romantic - or even sexual - attention to feel like he matters.

“Sex doesn’t makes us whole”  a certain coffee shop barista once told him amid of a very existential conversation fueled by caffeine and a slow day at work. Carina was right, of course.

So it all ends up with him being fine with the idea of not having someone. If it happens, it happens. He shrugs to himself with an imaginary pat on the back for becoming just a little wise on the course of the last ten years.

Then it happens, of course. Levi shows up.

When scrolling hookup apps in the past, he’d always go to the stereotypically handsome buff dude. Levi would be someone he’d swipe left without skipping a beat. But something about this small awkward but verbally articulated guy just grasped his attention. So he has to talk to him at Link’s party. Then he ends up asking him out and it seems like the most natural thing to do.

He catches himself a little surprised about how well it all works. It’s just easy being around Levi, but kind of thrilling at he same time. It’s not like in the past, when Nico kept trying to find someone who would make him feel better, whole. It’s just sharing something great with someone great.

And maybe that’s what means to be in love?

Nico is planning to go ahead and just say it. He was just thinking of doing it during this big romantic getaway for Valentine’s day he’s been orchestrating for quite some time. Yes, there is the issue of Levi’s sabbatical drawing close to an end, and the whole distance thing. But he doesn’t want a life without Levi on it anymore, so he’s just going to make sure they work the distance out. Maybe he could try the big city life again.

And then Levi vanishes.

It happens three days after his panic attack that came out of the blue in the Mid Summer Carnival. And now Nico is pacing back and forth like a mad person.

“I mean, it was out of nowhere, this panic attack.” He fists his hands through his head and puffs out his cheeks “He seemed to be fine. We were good. Everything seemed good. But looks like I’ve been missing something. I’ve been missing a fucking lot.”

“C’mon man, you can’t beat yourself up” Link says from the couch. He’s already forgotten his bear on the coffee table along with his attempt to make Nico chill.

“I’m a shitty boyfriend, Link.” Nico sighs. “Or I was, since I can’t get a hold of Levi, for God’s sake.” He’d throw his cellphone at the wall now if Link haven’t been smart and taken it from Nico quite some time ago.

“This doesn’t make sense at all.” Link comments.

“I know! I’m as confused as everyone! Levi was supposed to be recovering at home… at Casey’s pool house, I don’t even know where home is for him anymore.” He finally gives up and joins Link on the couch, slouching all the way down into it.

“And nobody knows where he is? Not even Taryn?”

Nico bangs his head agains the couch at this.

“When I asked her about Levi, she said he took off and when she tried to ask him where he was going he told her to ask me. And I have no clue. No texts, my calls go straight to voicemail.”

“That’s weird.”

“I think Taryn having as big a freak out as I am.”

“When was that?”

“Three hours ago, maybe? Taryn is trying to get Levi’s address in the big city so we can chase after him. We figured he’s bound to show up there.”

“What’s taking her so long?”

“Apparently the best she’s got is his email address. She’s never visited him after he moved from college, just Skyping regularly and stuff. Can you believe that?”

It feels like he’s going to die of restlessness, but at some point his intercom buzzes and he just shoots out the door, grabbing his wallet, keys, phone and jacket without even checking if it’s really Taryn ringing.

Thankfully it is her and the gods help him, he’s going to get to the bottom of this. At this point, he doesn’t even care if Levi is breaking up with him, as long as he’s ok.

Chapter Text

Levi wishes he was dead right now. Who wouldn’t his shoes?

His cellphone had been drowned in toilet water seven hours ago, during his rush to get back to the big city. Once again he crowns himself a disaster king. Just when he needs to get so much done in so little time. Surely this is worse than death. But then he’s just being dramatic in his own head. Again.

“And it’s ok to be a little unhinged” Dahlia’s words from a late night video chat echo in his mind and it soothes him a little. One thing at a time.

He’d spend two very uncomfortable days shutting everyone out, embarrassed for his outburst on the Carnival. Taryn tried to get him to open up in her own lovingly obnoxious ways, but Levi just shut himself under the covers and asked to be alone.

He was spiraling down when his mind had grasped for any lifeline it could find.

“You can call me if you need someone to listen, you know that right?” Had said just before he left for his sabbatical. And she had gone through this whole panic attack thing, so it felt less embarrassing somehow.

So had sent her a text right after midnight, hoping against hope to get a response. Yet she had replied almost immediately - software engineer hours, of course. She’d actually been happy to hear from him and they jumped into a talk that ended up lasting a few hours.

It was like a breath of fresh air. He’d forgotten how Dahlia was the most sensible person he knew. It was enough to help him organize his thoughts. Get his priorities right.

Flash forward to now, where he is parked his car in front of his old apartment. At least he’s not alone, he doesn’t know if he would have been able to handle terminating a contract and going to get as much stuff as he could carry from his old life into his new one before he sent a moving service to get the rest.

He turns to a placid looking Dahlia, comfortable on the passenger seat, waiting patiently for him to catch his breath.

“You sure it’s ok for you to be here with me? In the middle of the afternoon?”

“Yep, one hundred percent” she smiles “I have like seven days off to spare, for putting all the extra hours, you know?”

“There was a release last week, right?”

“Yes, and it was a shit show because Minnick’s team was in charge of QA.” She sighs.

“What? That makes no sense, they suck with review.”

“Yep.” She closes her eyes in mock suffering “Hence my three very caffeinated overnights last week to get everything running in time. So, I’m good.”

“Gosh, you should be asleep right now.” Levi winces.

“And that’s where I plan to be after I see you drive off to your paradise small town.”

“Hey.” Levi raises his eyebrow “No mocking. After you see the place, I bet you’re going to be the next one to quit.”

“I’m counting on it.” She grins back. “But seriously, I’m happy for you. I think it’s going to do you some good.”

Levi sighs at that.

“I’m still a little broken, you know?”

“It’s ok to be broken.” She shrugs.

“But I’m going to do the work. The therapist you recommended actually does see clients on video chat, how cool is that?” He smiles. “So I’m going to give this working through anxiety a real go, while I try to be the best friend and boyfriend I can.”

“I think this is victory already.” Dahlia squeezes Levi’s arm “Now let’s get your things and get you on the road so you can serenade your hot boyfriend before he goes to sleep, shall we?”

Levi grins at that. There is still a lot to be done, and it makes his stomach churn a little for not knowing if things are going to work out. But he’s got a direction now. And it feels like he can breathe a little better just because of that.

“Oh my god!” he thumps his head against the headrest as a thought suddenly smashes into his mind.

“What?”

“I just remembered I gotta get a new cellphone.” Levi grimaces as much as possible.

“One thing at a time, Levi.”

She’s right, of course.

Chapter Text

Levi is under attack. Two arms envelop him as soon as he steps into the sidewalk to the building he’s aiming to stop calling his own.

“You’re alive” the owner of the pair of arms shouts in his right ear and then he’s being shaken like a rag doll. “Why on earth would you do this to us! We were so worried about you! We thought you were having a panic attack in a deserted road all alone and then your lifeless body was going to get eaten by wolves and-“

It is Dahlia who comes to the rescue.

“Hey” she touches Taryn’s arm delicately, but her voice is firm. “Hi, I’m Dahlia. Nice to meet you.” She has her megawatt smile on at this “ I’m really sure Levi got the point that you’re really worried and do believe he deserves every ounce of payback for being and inconsiderate little shit.” She stares at him pointedly, then looks back to Taryn “But how about you try not to spill his brains on the concrete?”

There is a snicker from behind all that mess and it drags Levi’s eyes along with it. Nico is by the building entrance, hands on his pockets. He’s just shaking off the mirth from his face, putting a stony expression back on. There are a lot o sensations crashing inside of Levi by seeing him.

“Yeah, you’re right.” Taryn concedes and lets go of Levi’s shoulders.

“I usually am.” Dahlia says matter of factly and it would sound really annoying coming from anyone else in the world.

Levi stares back at Nico. Nico stares at Levi. If this part of town wasn’t a rather busy one, with the constant flow of cars and people around, this would be the perfect time for the crickets to start singing.

“Ok, so I’m guessing you two need to talk.” Dahlia says, looking from one man to the other. She grabs Taryn’s elbow. “How about we find a café nearby and spend our time swapping embarrassing stories about Levi?”

Taryn lights up at that, of course.

“Missy, I don’t even know you but I already like you a lot.”

There is consensual laughter between the two of them and Levi senses that they’re going to become a greater piece of work together. He also senses that he won’t mind at all.

“Text us a when you two sort your shit out” Taryn shoots as she starts walking with her new best friend towards a random direction.

“Can you actually believe Levi just drowned his cellphone in a toilet?” He can hear Dahlia saying before they turn around the curb. He smacks his hand on his face and breathes deeply.

“So, drowned phone?” Nico’s voice is closer, and Levi has to stare up to look him in the eyes when he removes his hand from his eyes.

“Don’t even ask. It’s been a very weird day.”

“You don’t say it” Nico grimaces. “We were kind of dying without knowing where you were.”

Levi frowns at that. “Didn’t you get my letter?”

“What?” Nico is scrunching up his face int the same way he does when Levi starts talking about star wars. It’s kind of adorable.

“Oh my god, you must be thinking I’m crazier than I’ve already proved I am.” He hides his face on his hands again, this time hunching up. “I’m a lost cause”

“Hey.” Nico catches his hands, steps closer and forces Levi to look back at him. “Don’t shut me out, Levi. Just talk to me.”

There is a plea in his voice and it makes Levi’s worries soften.

“Yes.” He nods a little energetically “Yes, let’s talk. Sorry I’ve been so weird lately. Please don’t hate me, I think I can explain now.” He’s bouncing on his feet now.

There is a slight smile playing with Nico’s lips then.

“I don’t think I’m physically capable of hating you, you know.”

That makes Levi smile back. Maybe everything can work out after all.

Chapter Text

“So this is me…” Levi says slowly as they enter the apartment. It’s half-barren, since he took a lot of stuff with him on his sabbatical and there is dust everywhere. There is a second in which he regrets inviting Nico up. And it’s not like it’s his is still his place. “Well, it isn’t actually, if you think I haven’t being living here for a long time. And of course it’s a mess, and event though you know I’m messy I’d never let it get to this state obviously. I mean…”

“Levi” Nico cuts him, takes a step closer, grabs Levi’s hand. “ breathe.”

Levi actually gulps for air at this. Suddenly the dust patterns on the floor seem to require a lot of attention.

“Why are you nervous?” Nico prods, lowering his head to try and capture Levi’s eyes “It’s just me. Your boyfriend.” There is a pause in which they play a subtle match of hide and seek, Levi refusing to look up and Nico not budging. “I mean - I’m still you boyfriend, right?”

That makes Nico win, of course. Live snaps his eyes up so fast that he almost head-buts Nico.

“Yes!” It comes a little higher than he expected, and both of them recoil a little, but Levi recovers fast. “Sorry. Yes, you are. I mean, if you want to be, of course.”

There is a frustrated noise that comes from somewhere between Nico’s throat and nose.

“Okay, enough of this.” He says with a mix of anger and exasperation.

The next minute he’s shoving Levi into the nearest wall, one hand coming up protectively to the back of his head. Then he’s kissing Levi like there is no future or past, just now. Levi melts a little. He kind of forgot how good is being kissed by Nico and he hums in sudden appreciation before joining in with as much effort.

When they come up for air Nico doesn’t step back. He buries his face in the crook of Levi’s neck, arching down to match Levi’s small size.

“I missed you.” Nico mumbles from his newfound happy place. “I missed how you smell.”

Levi has to laugh at that.

“Cheeseball” he jokes. It’s like he finally finds his footing. He knows where they stand. This is Nico, not the voices in his head judging him.

Nico finally leans back and grins at Levi.

“Are we done being weird with each other now?”

Levi hugs him in response.

Chapter Text

“Babe, you’re being too paranoid now.” Nico grumbles while hoisting up a cardboard box full of books. Books are surprisingly heavy, Levi had just discovered, and yet his boyfriend made it seem like carrying bunch of them was the easiest thing in the world.

“Well, if this is news for you, we’ve been doing the whole dating thing wrong for the last year!” His gestures are purposefully exaggerated and it does the job of getting Nico to laugh.

Of course his tall, strong, handsome boyfriend has to stop and kiss his lips.

“Lets leave the fighting for when we have a bed for make up sex, ok?” Nico winks and lifts the heavy box again, and Live starts suspecting there is some intentional gun show off going on here. And it’s working.

“Just go put your muscles to good use and leave me with my strong suit, which is being neurotic and making sure those boxes don’t open by accident when you’re carrying them.” he shoos Nico, but the smile is still on his face. He goes on to tape the bottom of every box with his stuff inside, the very thing that set Nico off in the first place.

The last two years hasn’t been perfect all the time, but it has been real and intense and they really got to know each other. So it was kind of better than perfect.

Back on Levi’s old apartment in the big city, right after Nico hugged him and they agreed to stop being weird they sat down and Levi confessed he’d been keeping stuff from Nico. From everyone.

“I don’t think I can open up about what’s going on with me yet.” Levi had said while sitting beside Nico on his dusty couch, his boyfriend’s reassuring hand massaging the back of his neck. “I’m kind of a mess, but I want to get better. And I want to be worthy of being your boyfriend.”

That had Nico huffing in relief and kissing Levi’s temple. “I want to be worthy of you, Levi. But maybe we both have to become worthy of us?”

That was enough to assure Levi that they had a chance. He was a mess, but he was going to give his best to try and get better.

So he shared with Nico the news that he went back to the city to quit his job. He wanted to be with Nico, but most of all, he wanted to live somewhere where he actually had friends. He had left a letter apologizing for being distant and promising that, if Nico still wanted him, he was going to work hard to be more open, and that he just need time.

Levi actually hid his face in mortification when telling Nico this, only to be engulfed in a hug that spoke it all. Later they’d find that, while Levi folded the letter neatly and left on Nico’s doorstep, the upstairs neighbor found only right to put the letter on the mailbox cubicle to make sure it didn’t get snatched by any other people on the building. The irony of this.

Nico and Taryn helped Levi and Dahlia pack his things up for when the movers arrived the next day. Two days later Nico an Levi had been snuggled together, with no clothes under Levi’s official new house - and still Casey’s pool house.

Then the hard part came. Levi had to get back to therapy, he scheduled weekly online sessions with his therapist. And then came the hard days in which Levi wouldn’t know what to do with his future, and he became overcome by the fear that he wouldn’t manage to get a job that allowed him to live next to his friends and his boyfriend. He got anxious, and he cried himself alone with the feeling that he was worthless.

But then there were also breakthroughs. There was the time when understood where his fears came from, and how it linked to stuff from when he was a goofy nerdy kid breaking both of his arms and being made fun by everyone else. He also learned to accept himself more, and that being open and vulnerable, although scary, could also be wonderful when he opened himself up to the people that loved him. He learned to believe that he deserved love and happiness.

There were fights, of course. Nico was a neat freak, Levi was forgetful. There was some lashing out, and a little bit of tears. But they always found a way to each other, and most important, to actually talk. They began to create their own language, where Nico could say that he needed some alone time without Levi feeling rejected, or Nico accepting that that only this time Levi needed to be neurotic and double check every clothing article he chose for their beach trip.

Then comes right now, where they’re packing everything up again. This time to an apartment both of them would call home.

No, they’re not perfect. But then again, nobody is. What matters is that they want to be together, and they’re not running from the work it comes with it. And it makes the sweet moments only more sweet.