Chapter 1: Fate
Summary:
The love story of Legolas and Loki.
Notes:
I do not own the Tolkien universe or the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
This is the third part of the series, and it actually takes place between One lifetime and Daughter of the stars. Hope you all enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy writing it.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Loki had never fit in. He remembered feeling different growing up, and not knowing why, it went on for years, the struggle to understand, until one day he gave up and simply accepted it as a fact. He was never going to fit in, and that was not something he could change.
As a child he had not been loud enough, nor reckless enough. He had preferred to spend his time reading or drawing, in the quiet of the gardens or in his rooms. He had never joined when Thor and his friends ran around the palace pretending to fight imaginary enemies, usually jotun. And so, even surrounded by people, at times he had felt alone.
It got worse as his mother had started teaching him magic. Magic was for women, they said… and then his only real friend was Thor, his too kind oaf of a brother that was naïve and ever blind to the coldness that was freezing Loki’s relationships with other people. Asgard was not the most forward in it’s thinking, he learned after he started his travels, but back then he did not understand that. Only that the way they looked at him and the way they looked at Thor was not the same, and that it had nothing to do with him being younger.
He had even stopped trying to make his father proud at one point. Even at a young age he realized it was not likely to happen. He used to believe that Odin loved Thor more than him, it was only into adulthood that he understood that Odin loved no one, he just saw more use in some people. It was at that moment that Loki realized that he was the lucky one, and he started to pity his brother, as he had no use in the eyes of their father he was free, but Thor was not.
It had taken him time to get the courage to use that freedom, and it turned out to be the best decision of his life. It was having to leave Thor behind that he regretted most about his travels, but he could not stand staying in Asgard anymore, so he told them he wanted to learn magic outside the nine realms, for the benefit of Asgard, of course. Thor was confused, Frigga sad and Odin angry. Angry because he knew he had no real reason to make Loki stay, and his excuse for wanting to leave was valid, ordering him to remain in Asgard under the circumstances would make the king look cruel and that was not something Odin tolerated. It was the first time Loki outsmarted his parents and it had definitely not been the last.
As a young boy he had believed his mother to be the most powerful user of magic to ever live. No one in Asgard ever told him otherwise, after all who could be more powerful than their queen? Every spell she wove fascinated him. That belief faded the older he got, the more of the world that he saw. She was a skilled fighter and sorceress in his eyes still, even after he had the chance to see the galaxy beyond the nine realms, and an even more skilled healer, but nowhere near as powerful as he saw her back then. It was only natural he thought, that he would see her as such when he was young, after all she was his mother, his protector. The one he could count on to understand him, believe in him, stand by him no matter where fate led him. She was his hero, in all the ways that counted, and while her power became less impressive with time, her strength only shone brighter. But as the years passed, and his knowledge expanded, he had realized that as far as magic went, learning everything his mother knew, meant very little.
One thing he had learned fast while traveling was that Asgard was not as advanced magically as they believed themselves to be. Their technology was impressive when compared to that of most civilizations, and his mother’s new method of combining it with their magic changed their entire medical system, but outside of that there was little their sorcerers could do, illusions could only get you so far. It didn’t take him long to realize it was mostly Odin’s fault either. The stigma he put on the art, even while he pretended it was not true, ensured that few wanted to learn it in the first place, out of which even fewer were talented enough to improve it, so outside of the contributions his mother made over the years to their spells nothing had changed in millennia.
While visiting other planets he mostly kept his identity to himself, He found out pretty soon into his journey that his father was not seen in a favorable light by most species, and the ones that did like him were the kind that Loki didn’t want to associate with, there was a lot about Asgard he didn’t know it seemed, and so far he had yet to find someone he could trust enough to ask. It turned out to be a good thing, people were more likely to talk to him, to accept him, if he was one of them. Not the son of a king, nor a noble of any kind, just a sorcerer traveling the galaxy in order to learn more about the art.
He had just finished learning from a shaman on Xandar about the way magic fluctuations influenced animal behavior when he heard of the convention. It didn’t happen often, he was told, but there was going to be a meeting on Arda soon, and his mentor had ensured he could go if he so desired. It sounded a lot like a fair to him, where magic users went to interact with each other, to form connections, to trade. He had heard of Arda of course, both before and after the first time he left home. Odin didn’t like them, and he especially hated their leader. The Elvenking, as his father had called him, was an arrogant and meddling man. A total contrast to what he had been hearing from people outside of the nine realms. For two isolated civilizations, they were perceived very differently from the outsider, while Asgard was not well liked, most seem to favor Arda. The were supposedly accepting and kind, but also strong and advanced both technologically and magically, rumor had it that no one else could blend the two together quite the same.
They got there by ship, the group of magic users from Xandar that were to attend. Arda was larger than any other planet he had seen before, by far larger than any in the nine realms. They landed on a field next to a big lake, ruins of old buildings rising above the water, Loki had the feeling they were more than just a couple centuries old. From there they walked on foot to Dale. The city, the realm really, was unlike anything he had ever seen before. On Asgard everything was meant to shine, to catch the eye, Xandar was impressive as well and the technology they were so proud of displayed all over. Before they landed Dale was the only city he could see for miles, and it looked like a simple settlement made of stone. The buildings were not overly tall, the architecture simple. For some reason he believed it would be cold and disappointing… it was not.
They were met at the gates by guards, bowman he observed, but allowed to pass fairly easy, apparently the fact that they were allowed to even touch the ground meant they were considered safe enough. It was the magic he felt first, in every wall, in every road, every little stone. The city was round, and the felling got stronger the closer to the center they got, the buildings older too. Technology was harder to spot, and he was starting to believe it was a lie and they had none, when someone walked by him talking to a tiny hologram they held in their hand. It was beautiful, Dale, and despite being made of stone, warm in a way Asgard could never achieve, no matter how bright it shined. It was lively, but not overly loud, peaceful. The inn he was to stay in was run by a family, they were kind, open and so were most other people. Willing to talk about their culture, their history, to show him their city. Their queen they told him, was beautiful and gentle and fierce. And so was her wife.
He had been in Dale for a week, meeting sorcerers and mages and witches. Buying books and trinkets, eating dinner at the inn everyday, teaching the owners youngest son how to throw knives every morning, when he realized that he fit in and it frightened him. On the other side of the galaxy, away from the place that was supposed to be home, he felt free. He thought it a cruel joke that life was playing on him, that the only place where he fit was the one where he could not stay. It was as he realized this, walking out of the market and away from the fair, lost in thought, that he met him. He had been so lost in his own mind that he barely noticed where he was going, he only realized it when he walked into someone and almost fell down before hands steadied him. When he looked up he realized that maybe it was not a joke life played on him, maybe it was simply fate. Because the moment Loki’s eyes laid on the elf in front of him, his magic touched the other’s and started pulling them together.
~~**~~
The first time Legolas left on his travels it had been terrifying. He had known that he grew up very sheltered, that his ada had protected him and Tauriel from the darker aspects of life. He had never known his mother, true, and his ada spoke little of her, but his childhood had been as happy as it could get. He had always known that both him and his sister were very loved, that their ada would protect them with every breath he had, but he had not understood how lucky he really was until he saw the world with his own eyes.
Finding Strider had not been as difficult as he had expected, he simply went north, stopping here and there in tiny villages asking where he could find the dunedain. The villagers, as most of them had apparently benefited from the ranger’s protection in the past, had been more than happy to point him in the right direction once he had told them he wanted to join the rangers. He had realized who Strider was as soon as he had met him. Sure he might not have known his name, might not have known his past, but there was only one other bloodline descended from the ainur and that was hard to hide when you knew what to look for, especially for someone not at all aware by their own magic. His ada had sent him to find family, he had realized, had made sure he would not be alone even when he was far away from home.
He had liked Strider, Aragorn as he was told once they became closer, even before they became close friends, the rest of the world not so much. Greenwood was all he had ever known. He had read about other kingdoms, about other kings, but had never experienced anything else before. The first time they had encountered a battle, he had wanted to help, but then he realized that there was no evil to fight against. The soldiers were fighting over a piece of land between their two cities that both sides claimed belonged to them. All their people were starving, the field having been turned into a battlefield instead of growing food, and yet their leaders were unwilling to come to an understanding. Greed, Strider told him, was the reason that people were dying. From there, his opinion of the world beyond the borders of Greenwood only got worse. For many moon cycles he had traveled with Aragorn, and with every tragedy he saw, he missed his home more and more.
He had decided to return, even knowing that he would leave again, that his desire to see the world and help others would not go away. Finding not only his sister heartbroken, but his ada as well was not what he had expected, but he should not have been surprised either. Having seen even a tiny part of the world he had understood for the first time how much his ada had sacrificed in his life. For his kingdom. For his family. That he would never put his own happiness first… so Legolas did it for him.
His life had a pattern after that. He would leave, find Aragorn wherever he was at the time, travel with him for a while, help people where they could, until tired of the sorrow and tragedy, of prideful kings and cruel people, his yearning for home would bring him back to Greenwood. His family would always wait for him, happy to hear of his adventures, especially the children. The first time little Tilda had declared that she wanted to grow into a strong warrior so she could one day go with him Bard glared at him for days. Not that Legolas blamed him, he had not wanted his little sister to see the outside world either, with all of it’s sharp edges.
Not even the second rise of Sauron had broken the pattern much. As the years passed after the Battle of the Five Armies, they could feel the darkness return. As powerful as his ada was, he had not been able to completely destroy Sauron while the One Ring existed, so when Gandalf showed up in Greenwood with Golum and asked them to keep him contained Legolas had known that trouble was not far away. Still, Golum had been such a pitiful creature, that even his ada had sympathy for it and allowed the guards to take him for walk in the forest. Of course, that was when they had lost him and he had been found by the orcs. Legolas had been planning to leave for his travels anyway and offered to go explain the situation to the Council of Elrond. He had not been in Imladris since the first time he left home and met Aragorn. He had avoided talking to anyone back then and made sure none found out who he was, he had never even told Aragorn, but he was sure the man had suspected something by then.
Joining the Fellowship had been just another adventure, another way to ensure the change he wanted to see in the world. It had been dangerous of course, and his family had worried, as he had for them, but Sauron had been killed and that had been worth all the struggles they went through. His friends had not been happy to find out the truth about him, though a big part of him had not understood why, even millennia later he would wonder if they really believed being born royalty changed anything about who he was. To him the real surprise came after the battle, when his ada gifted Arwen the Nauglamir, the place where a Silmaril was supposed to sit filled with an emerald. Legolas had known that none of the people present understood just what it meant for his ada to gift her the necklace, what it really meant that he was even there in the first place, and his respect for his ada’s strength only grew.
Time after that had passed fast, finding Sauron’s library brought the change he wanted to see in Arda. At the moment he had not realized how valuable the discovery really was, all he knew was the Bard could be immortal, the he would not have to watch his ada lose his husband and fade. As decades passed he understood that the knowledge Sauron had stored hidden from the world had value beyond making man and dwarves immortal by connecting them to the magic of Arda in the same way elves were. With the Council of Arda led by his ada, their world was at peace and they were using the knowledge from the books to advance both magically and technologically at a speed he had not believed possible. Once the orcs and goblins and all the creations of Morgoth had been eliminated the future looked even brighter for them. Of course that was when they had to discover that there were many worlds beyond their own.
Most other realms had decided to leave them be, and his ada made sure that even those who would dare attack them were discouraged fast. Not getting involved in conflicts had been an easy decision to make for the Council, they all believed Arda had seen enough bloodshed. Legolas had enjoyed the discovery more than most, it just meant more places to travel, but it did not change his routine much. The only difference was that instead of Aragorn traveling with him it was Gimli. They had spent their time mostly establishing trade with other realms, sometimes helping devise peace treaties. It had not taken long for rumors to start about Arda but he honestly had not cared as much as he had expected, sometimes when he and Gimli felt like causing mischief they even took advantage of some of them.
The one thing that he desired, and yet could never find, was love. Legolas was happy with his life, he knew that few were as blessed as him, and yet he was not able to help feeling disappointed. At first he had not paid it much mind, but as the years passed… then centuries, he started to believed that maybe he was fated to be alone. For millennia he had traveled Ea, saw realm after realm, met race after race, and had not felt the pull once. He had given up by then, he remembered, even though his ada told him not to do that just yet… and then he met him. Legolas had been home from his travels for a week when he decided to visit Sigrid and Bain in Dale. He was walking towards the palace when he saw the most beautiful being he had ever seen, he was so shocked he froze until the man walked into him. His ada it seemed, had been right once more, maybe it wasn’t his fate to be alone after all, because as soon as the man looked up, their magic started pulling them together.
~~**~~
Notes:
I found two videos on youtube a few days ago about types of fanfiction writers. I don't know what type I am but they are interesting, so here are the links if anyone wants to check them out:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZScVSJNOzI0
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WgZ3wt4gsm8On a different note Captain Marvel is almost here. I am honestly more excited about what they will do with Ronan's character than Carol Danvers but that might be because I know nothing about her character yet.
Chapter 2: Safe
Summary:
Legolas and Loki talk, it does not go very well. Some things come to light, and yet the whole truth is still so far away.
Notes:
This chapter didn't turn out the way I thought it would but once I started writing I couldn't stop, so the whole chapter is Legolas and Loki talking.
I wrote half of this on my phone, I now respect writers that do it all the time that much more. It is not an easy thing to do.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
/I am so sorry!/
The man was the most stunning person he had ever met. When he looked closer Legolas realized he was not of Arda. His voice was deeper than his delicate looks indicated, calming. His eyes reminded the elf of his home, he had never believed he would ever glimpse a green as beautiful as the leaves of Eryn Lasgalen in the summer, just as light first hit them in the morning. His hair was dark, wavy, and silky looking, his skin pale and smooth. He could have been an elf, tall and lean and flawless. Had it not been for his round ears, Legolas would have believed him kin. From the pull that he felt, Legolas could tell the other’s magic had to be strong, and yet when he felt for it, all he could find was a wall. He had never encountered such strong protection before, not even from his ada, who had been hiding his real power for millennia. He had not even thought it possible to hide your magic from the one it was pulling you towards. The being before him was one of a kind, it seemed, in more ways than just his looks.
/No need to be. Are you alright? You looked troubled./
It took him some time to answer, he knew, but the other looked just as shocked by the pull he was feeling, if not more. Legolas wondered if he knew what was happening or if maybe he thought he was losing control of his power in some way. He would have to explain soon, though it could wait, first he needed to make sure the beautiful male was fine.
/Yes… I am well, just lost in my thoughts./
He didn't look well, or maybe they just had different definitions of the word. They had to get of the street though, people were starting to look at them weirdly. Maybe they had been lost in the pull and each other’s magic for longer than he thought. The citizens of Dale knew he visited his siblings often and had grown fond of him, as they did of the rest of his family, and he expected guards to turn up soon to see if he was well, if they didn't move.
/I will pretend to believe that, for now. I know you probably do not understand the pull you are feeling, if you would allow me to buy you some tea, I would like to explain and answer any questions you might have. There is a tea house close by, and you do not have to give any more information than you are comfortable with about yourself./
He knew not all species bonded the same way, and some had never even heard of the pull. The male was confused and Legolas got the feeling he was quite young, at least that was the impression he got from the faint traces of foreign magic he could finally identify pulling at his own. The last thing he wanted was to scare this wonderful being away.
~~**~~
Loki was stunned, he had heard of the pull before, from some of the mentors he had studied under and even before that, from books he had found in the public library on Asgard. He apologized not even looking at the other male properly, too confused to pay attention to the elf's looks.
The books had been dusty, smelly and very clearly old, forgotten and lost in a world that didn't seem to want them, so Loki hid them under his clothes and took them to his room. He never put them back and he knew no one even noticed they were missing, he remembered wondering if anyone would miss him if he were to just disappear one day. It had been the loneliest part of his childhood, before his mother started teaching him magic but after Thor decided to be the greatest warrior Asgard had ever seen. Some days he had believed those seemingly fake love stories to be his only escape from reality. It was years after he started his travels that he found out the pull was real and the books he found were written in the memory of real couples long passed, some of them from civilizations long gone. He still considered the books some of his most prized possessions, hidden with the rest of his so called childhood treasures in a secret place in his chambers in the palace.
He was not able to keep the emotions off his face, it seemed, because the other didn't believe he was well at all. Feeling the pull just as he realized he felt happier after a week in Dale than he had felt in Asgard in centuries was not ideal for his heart and it apparently showed. He decided to accept the offer for some tea, if nothing else it always helped calm him down and it would be in a public place, he could always leave if he was uncomfortable.
/Tea sounds good just about now. I will take you up on the offer. ... I am Loki, I arrived in Dale not long ago, I am here for the fair./
The elf laughed when he heard the word fair, it was a beautiful sound.
/I always did say that those gatherings for magic users end up being one big party. I am Legolas, I am not of Dale either, I am here to visit my siblings./
The name sounded familiar but Loki couldn't place it. As the elf started leading the way, he finally took the time to look at him. His hair was blond, straight and soft looking, but not quite the golden shade he was used to seeing back home. His blue eyes made Loki think of a frozen lake, cold and dangerous, but deceptively beautiful. His skin was pale and flawless. The elf was taller than him, lean and strong. He had powerful magic, and great control over it, but Loki could still sense enough to know it was somehow similar to his own and wondered how that was even possible when they were clearly of different worlds.
The tea house turned out to be a quiet place close to where Loki knew the palace to be. It was filled with dim light that came from the large windows covered by colored glass. It gave the impression of a setting sun seen through the leaves of a thick forest in the autumn. Considering that Legolas was an elf it didn't surprise the aesir at all that he would favor the place. They were escorted to a private room as soon as they stepped inside and as homey and warm as the place was, he got the feeling that it was also very expensive. They were not asked what they wanted, nor offered a menu, a beautiful lady bought them a basket of leaves, dried fruits and flowers and a ceramic tea set before leaving them alone.
/This place is peaceful./
Something about the place made Loki relax into the armchair he was sitting in, maybe it was the smell of the tea Legolas was making for both of them. The elf had not asked but he gestured towards the basket as if to offer to make the tea and Loki decided to allow him. It was not as if he knew anything about the flora on Arda.
/It is, one of my sister's favorite places. We always come here at least once when I visit, just the two of us. This place has been open since the city has been rebuilt./
The way Legolas smiled when he talked about the place made him smile in turn. He was from Asgard, it was not surprising to him that a place would stay open that long, but Asgard was all but frozen in time and he knew that was not the case when it came to Arda. That explained why they were not asked anything and simply showed to an available room. The staff probably knew him, and if the place really was that old, and most likely family run like most establishments in Dale the owners knew him as well. Him and his sister must have always placed the same order.
/That is a long time, if the family that runs the inn where I'm staying is to be believed./
/Yes, it is. I believe I promised answers, do you have questions or would you like me to explain everything first?/
He could see that Legolas was trying to make him as comfortable as possible, to not scare him away. From the tea, which was a known way to calm someone, no matter which realm you were in, to sharing private information about himself and his open body language.
/I know what is happening I think, at least in theory. It is not something I have ever believed I would experience. It is a little bit overwhelming./
Reading the stories as a child he would dream of one day meeting someone who could love him as much. Someone to understand him, to be there for him when he felt lonely. Someone to make him feel safe. Not physically, he could protect himself, he was still a prince trained just like his brother was even though he didn't make his whole life revolve around that, but emotionally. A person who made him feel like being himself was the best way he could be.
/I was also starting to believe I would never find this. Ada did say I need to be more patient, he was right it seems./
/Ada?/
/My father. The only language known outside our borders is the common tongue, translators as a result are not able to identify any of the other tongues spoken on Arda./
/And I believed the Nine Realms to be isolated./
/It is not easy to maintain the kind of neutral position we have in Ea, we find that sometimes we have to be more careful than most. The common tongue is just that, common. Everyone speaks it, and we use it when talking with outsiders, this way we had to provide the minimum of information possible when we started interacting with other realms./
The elf looked relaxed as he talked, blowing softly o his tea.
/Neutral. It still fascinates me that your people never got involved in any conflict outside your borders. Arda is the enigma of our galaxy. I don't believe anyone quite understands your culture./
Loki has not heard of any other realm similar to Arda. Every civilizations that could travel for long distances in space tried to make connections and allies with others that shared their perspective. It was one of the reasons why there were so many Empires and Councils in the galaxy. There was only one exception, and it was astonishing the lengths they would go to in order to continue their self imposed isolation. At least they had established trade with several realms, though not of technology or magic.
/It is best for us, and for others. Many come to us for advice or shelter. Wars were prevented or stopped because we were in a position to mediate./
That did make sense, since they never took a side they were the best option most refugees had. From the rumors he heard they were known to never turn away those in need. It also was easy to see how their advice would be valued, since they had nothing to gain or lose from any war. Of course, it was only possible for them to stay neutral because they had always been so, from the very moment they were acknowledged as an advanced civilization. It did help that they were very powerful and all that dared to try and conquer them vanished. They sat in silence for a few minutes, enjoying their tea before, before Legolas spoke again.
/You mentioned the Nine Realms./
He wondered what he should say. Should he admit he was from Asgard? His father so clearly disliked the Elvenking so there had to be some history there. On the other hand the elf didn’t react negatively when he first mentioned the Nine. It might be his chance to find out why Asgard had the reputation it did.
/Yes, it is where I am from. I am of Asgard./
Legolas stopped smiling the moment he heard the word Asgard, and his eyes looked colder. Loki wondered if a gaze could freeze someone.
/I have not been there in a long time. Some still consider it a failure on our part that we could not stop the wars. While a lot of leaders respect and often follow the advice of our Council, there are some like the kree and Odin who refuse to see reason./
He knew of the Kree Empire, of the many planets they enslaved or annihilated. Loki tried to stay as far away from them as he could. What shocked him was that his father was put into the same category as them, him and Odin did not have the best of relationships, but not even he would ever compare Odin to the kree. However he was curious what wars the elf was referring to, as far as he knew there had been no war. A few battles here and there against rogues, the most famous being the one against the frost giants.
/What wars? The Nine Realms are peaceful, the only battles going on are a few revolts started by idiots who believe they can do a better job at protecting the Nine Realms than Asgard's royal family. That and the savages on Midgard are always watering their ground in blood for some reason or another./
/You believe the royal family are protectors of the Nine? Are Odin and Hela both dead? Are they no longer waging wars?/
/Odin is still king, and I have never before heard the name Hela./
His father was not a great man, maybe not even a good one, but he was certainly not a warlord. The name Hela was completely unfamiliar. Loki was sure he had read the entire royal library at least once and never glimpsed the name before.
/She is Odin’s daughter. She helped her father conquer the other realms, slaughtered armies in his name until their realms had no other choice but to accept the rule of Odin or be completely eradicated. The Elvenking, leader of our Council, tried to convince him that the path he was intending to walk on would only bring chaos but he would not listen. He was thirsty for blood and hungry for power, he broke any kind of contact he had with the outside after that and distanced himself and his empire from the rest of Ea. It has been centuries since we have had any news of the Nine. It is a surprised you were allowed to leave./
Loki started giggling. He didn’t want to insult Legolas, but still couldn’t stop himself. What was the elf talking about? He didn’t have a sister. Slaughter and wars were the words everyone associated with Asgard? They were not perfect and as he had learned not very open minded but such claims were a little far fetched. It was no wonder his father disliked the Elvenking if the elf showed up at the palace talking nonsense about stopping wars.
/Where did you hear such rubbish? I know Asgard is disliked for some reason, but clearly you are delusional. The Allfather doesn’t have a daughter, he has two sons. I do not know where you got your information, but you are clearly wrong. The City of Asgard has always been the protector of the Nine Realms./
The elf didn’t look surprised by his reaction, he had a thoughtful look on his flawless face. Their conversation was not going as well as Loki had thought it would. Maybe it would be best for him to leave? There was clearly nothing of use that the elf could tell him. He was about to get up, mind almost made to go back to the inn and think on what had happened, maybe give the elf another chance in the morning when Legolas spoke again.
~~**~~
It surprised him just a little bit that Loki accepted his offer for tea so easily but he supposed it was how the bond worked. It did after all pull them together, they would not want to part the moment it was formed.
He took Loki to a tea house close to the palace, one of Sigrid’s favorite places. It was a beautiful and quiet place and he knew the owner liked him. His ada had apparently saved her when she was a young woman, during the Battle of the Five Armies. She opened the place not long after though it was not the same back then. It was just an ugly, dirty, half ruined building with broken windows and no door that she used as shelter for herself and her little sister. She would make tea from what herbs she could dig up from under the snow and the few dried fruits and leaves the elves brought with them when they first arrived with supplies. She would give the tea away in exchange for food others hunted or help fixing her home. She became close to Sigrid that winter, as they were close in age and they worked together to help where they could. His sister told him they would tend to the wounded and talk for hours on end about everything and nothing. They stayed friends even after Dale started to flourish again, Sigrid appreciated that nothing changed between them even after she took the throne.
The look of wonder on Loki’s face when they first entered made him smile as well, but the other male was paying him no attention. He truly was beautiful, the elf wondered what he had done to deserve such a stunning being.
Loki knowing what the bond was was unexpected, considering how lost he had looked when he first felt it, still he looked very confused when he admitted it. Legolas decided he would let the other male come to terms with what he knew first and then answer any question he had when he felt comfortable bringing it up again. At the time he believed it a good thing to change the subject to Arda and later the Nine Realms.
He didn’t know what to believe when Loki claimed he was of Asgard. As far as he knew ‘no one leaves and no one enters’ had been their way of life for centuries. It became apparent soon after that there was something wrong. Loki knew nothing of the wars, hearing about them brought a slightly confused look, he firmly believed that Asgard was still protecting the other realms and had never heard of Hela. Even if she had perished in the wars, he should have at least known her name.
He expected Loki not to believe him when he explained the situation with Asgard, and could not blame him if what he suspected was real. Obviously whatever power Odin inherited from his wife Gaia when she died helped him manipulate people to a level never seen before, in addition to causing destruction. At some point he must have stopped waging wars, content to rule over only the Nine, and Hela must have died. He had two sons it seemed, so he must have remarried. It made sense in a way, love often changed people, maybe he truly did not wish to be known as a monster anymore. He was thinking of how Odin could manipulate so many people when he realized that Loki claimed the City of Asgard protected the realms.
/I do not believe I can do anything to make you believe what I had just said, but there is something else I can show you to make you see not everything about Asgard is as you were led to believe. You said that there were no wars, and that you have never heard of Hela. Do you know how Asgard became an island?/
Loki stared at him again, as if trying to figure out what was going on in his head. At least he no longer looked ready to leave.
/Asgard has always been just a island City./
/It used to be a planet. Odin did something that made the Norse, the Celestials, who created it angry enough to punish the whole realm. They shattered the planet until only the island holding the palace was left intact. Luckily it was the only populated area./
/A planet? Asgard?/
Legolas took his rune stone and put it on the table. He opened a database and searched for the file he knew Eryn Lasgalen had on Asgard. It had not been updated in a long time and it was written mostly in Sindarin but there were pictures of how Asgard used to be and a few paragraphs in other languages. Mostly reports from the databases of other planets. He enlarged the first hologram in the file.
/This is what Asgard used to be./
He showed Loki how to manipulate the holograms and how to go to the next one. He watched as the asgardian went trough the files, sometimes even stopping to read some paragraphs, he focused mostly on the ones written in Xandarian. The expression on his face went from reluctant in the beginning to excitement to sorrow towards the end. The more he saw and the more he read, the more it seemed like the life was being sucked out of him. The pain in his eyes made Legolas’ heart ache. It was not his intention to hurt his intended, but once they started talking about the subject he could not go back and Loki deserved to know the truth.
He stood up as Loki finished the file with tears in his eyes and sat next to him. He hugged the male close when Loki leaned into him and kissed his forehead. He could feel tears soaking his shirt.
/I am sorry. I had no intention to hurt you, I wish I had not mentioned this at all./
/It’s true, isn’t it? The war? The slaughter? ...Hela?/
/I am sorry.../
All Legolas could do was hold him as he cried, his quiet tears developed into loud painful sounding sobs he desperately tried to hold in. He was trembling so hard it broke the elf’s heart that there was nothing he could do but whisper that everything was going to be fine as the other’s world shattered. It took a long time before he even started calming down.
The elf used the rune stone to call someone to come in to bring them more tea, Loki never even looked up. The young man was silent as he changed the tea set for a new one and prepared the tea himself before he left. Legolas recognized the blend, it was supposed to soothe and calm.
/My... my brother and I asked once... we asked... our mother... why Asgard was not round like the other realms. He told us that our planet was destroyed... and our ancestors built the Golden City... to protect the other realms... so that what happened to our planet would never happen again./
Legolas said nothing, just listened and tried to comfort the other as he stopped shaking. When Loki pulled away he poured some of the hot tea and handed a cup to the asgardian but didn’t move to return to his own armchair. He watched as the one person he was supposed to protect above all held his cup with unsteady hands and red rimmed eyes. He was very affected by what he had just found out and Legolas had a bad feeling as to why.
/They never told us about her, as evil as what you say makes her sound. They never told us that we had a sister./
That would explain why Loki was so unwilling to let himself believe the truth about Odin. So desperate for it to be a lie that he considered his intended, the one he was most compatible with, would lie to him and cause him such pain on purpose. He didn’t know Legolas, and Odin was his father. The one he knew his whole life... the person that raised him.
/I knew there was something wrong, from the way others spoke of Asgard after I started traveling. I am glad I found out from you, if it was from anyone else I wound not have believed it. Had it not been for the pull we are feeling I would still not believe it. But we are feeling it, and I know I would never pull such a prank on someone, which means neither would you./
/I would not... This is not how our evening was meant to go. I always imagined that when I would first feel the pull it would be more magical, like it was for my parents. I never thought we would talk politics over tea like old people complaining about back problems./
He smiled when Loki snorted, his eyes still sad but a tiny smile forming on his lips. He took one of the asgardian’s hands in his own and they settled next to each other for awhile, drinking their tea until Loki calmed completely. It might take time, but he had a feeling in the end everything was going to be fine.
~~**~~
When the elf showed him the first hologram he didn’t want to believe it. The planet was beautiful, but he must have been mistaken, there was no way that was Asgard. As he looked at the other holograms, he could not deny it anymore tough. He knew enough about technology to recognize they could not be fake and the city in the pictures was clearly the Golden City, only it was not golden, it was pale blue. The stone didn’t shine, but it was by far more beautiful, it looked like an extension of the water around the island, an ocean that he knew to be waterfalls instead. There were paragraphs too, the tongue of Arda he could not read, it was clearly not the common tongue, but he could read the others. The ones marked as being from Xandar were more detailed, and towards the end they even described what they knew of the beginning of the wars until the file just abruptly ended. It must have been when his father cut contact with the outside world.
He could not stop the tears once the elf held him, no longer being able to deny the truth. For all that he had wanted to find someone he could trust enough to ask, it hurt when he did. His throat felt like he had swallowed sand, he cried for what felt like hours. Legolas held him and comforted him and it broke his heart that much more. Because the elf made him feel safe even if it felt like the world was breaking under his feet. The elf kept apologizing again and again as if it was his fault that Loki had been lied to his entire life. He kept kissing his hair and telling him that all will be fine.
When him and Thor asked their mother about Asgard, they didn’t believe her answer. Clearly it had only been half true, and whether she knew the truth or not at the time she was probably just trying to make them understand what no child should ever have to. What hurt most was not the truth about Odin, or even Hela, since he never knew her. It was that he would not be able to tell Thor the truth. His brother believed too much in Asgard, in Odin. He didn’t have Loki’s knowledge of other realms, of their opinions. He didn’t have a bond to rely on, to guarantee that the person at the other end would never hurt him in such a way. One day, he swore, he would set his brother free.
Legolas trying to joke almost made him smile. It hurt, the truth. But Legolas was right, he thought as he squeezed the elf’s hand back, everything was going to be fine, because he was not going to have to face the future alone. Not anymore.
~~**~~
Notes:
I went to Captain Marvel like a good little fan. The movie was good, I have to admit, not the best Marvel could offer but still better than most movies. It fulfilled it's purpose as an origin story, it was fun, it was sad, it had action. It introduced the new character. It paved the way for Endgame.
There are two big problems that make me want to scream "Why, Marvel? Why?!":
First there is the Kree Problem. They are the unredeemable, evil for the sake of evil villains... This coming from the people who gave Thanos a legitimate reason for wanting to kill half the universe. At least there are exceptions, like Mar-Vell or I would have actually been screaming at the screen.
Second is the Carol Danvers Problem. Little miss perfect makes me want to punch her in the face, one of the worst character personalities MCU created to date. Innocent, flawless Carol. Good perfect soldier, would not shot the enemy when he was pointing a gun at her. Then she is manipulated, but goes back to the good side because she can do no wrong but god forbid she actually kill the man who ruined her life. Then she goes ahead and becomes super mega extra powerful because is secretly Supergirl.(Shhh, don't tell anyone.) Of course, she could have destroyed the Supreme Intelligence and solved the problem for the Skrulls, but DC heroes are not that smart.
If MCU gets ruined it will not be because Brie Larson has a foot in the mouth disease, it will be because it has turned into DCEU with better CGI and brighter colors. I tell people that I loved the movie and it is true, because as a whole it was good, but these two mistakes that in one movie seem insignificant might ruin those that come after.
...
By the way, someone should give that cat an Oscar.
Chapter 3: Aesir
Summary:
Legolas is suspicious. Loki is adorable, because he is young and Odin didn't have time yet to completely screw him over.
Chapter Text
After Loki and Legolas left the tea house the day they met, the elf walked Loki to the inn and promised to meet him there again the next morning. Not before he asked the aesir if he was going to be alright on his own, of course, or if he wanted Legolas to stay or if he wanted to go with him to his sister’s place… but company didn’t sound tempting that night. So much had happened in one day that Loki needed some time to himself to come to terms with it all.
They parted that evening and Loki spend the whole night staring at the ceiling trying to figure out what he was going to do from there. Go to Asgard and confront his parents? Did his mother even know the truth or was she just as oblivious as the rest of them? Search for Thor to try and convince him that they had been lied to? Was there even the slightest chance his brother would believe him? And what could they even do? Scream from the balcony that Odin was a monster and a liar? Walk on the streets asking people if they knew where Hela was? The truth was that even if he had the knowledge, he could not use it.
When Legolas showed up the next morning he had been so deep in thought he barely even noticed the shocked looks on the inn keepers faces when they saw the elf. It was only then that he remembered the name sounded familiar and asked the elf why. To say that he was shocked to find out who Legolas was would be an understatement. Not because it was unbelievable the elf could be a prince, but because of how people acted around him. Even though he had been traveling for decades at that point, the only royal family he had met had been his own, and Odin expected everyone to treat them a certain way.
Thinking back on it that should have been a warning not having met another royal family or even an elected leader of some kind in the Nine Realms. Odin claimed to be a protector but he treated the jotun and the fire demons like mindless beasts and barely acknowledged they existed anymore. He looked down on Midgard and didn’t consider the mortals worthy of his notice at all, more animals to him than people. The dwarves of Nidavellir were appreciated for their craft but not seen as capable of being anything other than blacksmiths. Alfheim was protected by a shield and Odin had no access to it, which Loki was thankful for after he found out what his father had done to the realms he could interact with. Vanaheim came closest to an equal Asgard had in the Nine Realms but they had no form of government, and Loki had never found that strange, until someone else opened his eyes.
It was no wonder there was always some form of rebellion going on there, always someone speaking against Asgard. After he started traveling the aesir made sure to go home every few months to visit his mother and brother, and that Thor had a way of contacting him in case of emergency. His idiotic sibling and his brainless friends always found themselves in some kind of trouble and Loki had to go solve the problem for them even before he had left Asgard. Not that anyone other than Thor appreciated it, but Loki should have realized that most of the time his brother called him to Vanaheim. He wondered for how long they were going to keep fighting against Odin. Not long, most likely, too many of them had died and there was only so much more damage they could take. So maybe there was still a war going on and it looked like Odin still had his children fighting it for him.
After Legolas had picked him up that morning they spent a week together, growing closer and relaxing… learning magic. The elf never pushed, never asked Loki to talk about himself, never insisted that he met the elf’s family. It was liberating to interact with someone who understood him so well and didn’t have any expectations of him. When the week passed and the convention was over the elf made it clear Loki could stay, temporary or permanently, in Dale, Eryn Lasgalen or any other kingdom on Arda. It didn’t feel comfortable though, not so soon anyway, and he still had so much of the world to see. Magic to learn. The fact that he could return at anytime was enough to make him content. The elf must have seen it on his face, because he offered to travel together instead, he had been doing the same anyway, he said.
Traveling with Legolas was different than what he expected it to be, maybe because they were not, in fact, traveling alone. The elf had told him of his traveling companion but nothing could have prepared him for Gimli’s sense of humor or for the way he and Legolas were always bickering about something. It was nice in a way, though he was never going to tell them for fear that it would encourage even more ridiculous behavior, but not being alone for the first time since he started his journey made him realize how lonely he had been.
/What are you thinking about?/
He was startled out of his thinking by Legolas running a hand through his hair while he spoke.
/About how those last few months I have spent with you have been the happiest I’ve been since I was a child./
The elf hummed and kissed his forehead. The elf was so gentle with him it was frustrating at times, it was like he believed Loki would break if he was not careful.
/I am glad. I do intend to continue making you happy for the rest of your life./
Loki looked up at the stars from where they were laying on the grass, next to the fire. Gimli was already snoring a few feet away, deep enough asleep he would probably not wake up no matter how loud they talked. The realm they were in was beautiful. Finding water was hard and the food tasted a little too sweet no matter what it was but the stars were bright and beautiful. Probably because there was no moon and after the sun had set they were the only source of light in the sky.
/I have no doubt that you will. …How did you know of this place anyway?/
/I have been here before. There is a tiny kingdom not far from the one we just visited that trades with Arda. It is where we are going now, their witches have an unique way of brewing potions, I think you will like it./
/You seem to know a lot of practitioners and have a vast knowledge of the art, yet the only times I see you consciously using magic is when you open the portals./
He knew that Legolas used magic all the time but usually it was instinct more than anything else. He used it to make himself stronger and faster, lighter on his feet, not that he was lacking in any of those without it. To make his daggers cut deep and his arrows always fly fast… he never missed a target. Still, the only time he cast any kind of spell, so to speak, was when he opened the portals. The only reason why Loki had yet to take over was because he had not mastered opening portals in places he had not previously visited.
He had to admit, compared to traveling through the pathways of Yggdrasil, the portals were far more efficient. The pathways had specific doors you had to find, they only led to certain places, and were a maze and while Loki did like danger to a point he found he preferred the portals.
/It is not that I dislike the art, It is just not for me./
/But you can use it./
/Ada is one of the most talented mages in Ea. He had taught me a lot, I just do not use it much. He is going to love you when you are ready to meet him. I have never seen someone learn magic the way you do./
/What do you mean? I learn the same as everyone else./
The elf chuckled and held Loki close to his side. Neither of them felt the cold, even though it was quite chilly according to their dwarf companion who slept huddled in blankets, but they had gotten used to the contact. They never did more than kiss and hold each other, though it was clear they were both experienced enough and very willing, it was not easy to find privacy and neither of them wanted their first time together to be within hearing distance of anyone else. Loki suspected that by the time they returned to Arda they would be so horny they would lock themselves in a room for a week straight. Meeting the elf’s family would have to wait for after that.
/You really do not. Magic is not as easy to learn as you obviously believe. You learned how to filter wild magic in a couple of days. No one does that, meleth nin. No one, except for you./
/I am not special, I am just a fast learner./
He always had been, after all it took him only a little under a century to learn all his mother knew and study every book Asgard had on magic. It was why his parents couldn’t find a reason not to let him go when he said he wanted to travel and as long as he kept sending back little bits of information for his mother, Odin would have no reason to demand he return.
/What you did is not just difficult, it is near impossible. Did no one ever tell you this?/
/No. The teachers I had over the years were impressed but none of them ever to such a level. Most of them were too busy with other duties or large numbers of students to pay much attention to the speed of my progress though. And Asgard is… different./
/Different?/
/Magic is seen as something only women are supposed to learn. And even for them there are so many limitations. It is frowned upon for men to learn the art, thankfully not forbidden. My mother fought father for weeks to be allowed to teach me. He only agreed when she told him that if my magic was left untrained it would be a danger to me and everyone else around me./
/Odin uses magic, or at least he did in the past. Sorcerers used to be respected on Asgard./
Of course the Allfather turned out to be a hypocrite on top of all the things he found out recently. Why did it not surprise him?
/I have the feeling a lot of things used to be different. I don’t know what he did but nothing is the same as the place you described having visited. It is not really the laws that have changed I believe, it is the attitude people have towards certain things. Like men using magic and women becoming warriors. Or people of the same sex being in a relationship. It is not like you would get punished for doing any of those but most look down on such behaviour. It is legal but not socially acceptable./
/Your grandfather and ada were close. Asgard used to be very much like Arda. Buri dreamed of one day uniting the Nine Realms the same way we united our many kingdoms. Bor did his best to follow in the footsteps of his father, but Odin had very different ideas about what uniting means. Ada tried to stop him, but short of going to war against Asgard there was nothing more he could do./
So that was what it had been about. Why his father hated the Elvenking. He didn’t just try to stop the wars, he had been close to their family. Odin was probably angry that the elf didn’t support him and his ways, he felt betrayed.
/What do you think stopped him in the end? He is obviously not perfect but he is in no way the man he used to be. The realms he doesn’t care for he at least leaves be and the ones he is interested in could be worse. He is not a good king but at least he is not a terrible one. As for being a father, he clearly doesn’t love us the way he should, but the worst he did was be emotionally unavailable. He had mother do most of the raising and mostly spent time with us when we were training./
The elf squeezed him closer and let out a relieved sigh that made Loki realize he had believed Odin abusive but didn’t ask for fear of hurting him. He kissed the chest under his head, right over the heart. Maybe he should have explained his relationship with his family sooner, the elf must have been worried. Loki had noticed how he had tried to bring up certain subjects over their time together, always reassured Loki that he had a home on Arda. His mother and brother as well if they ever needed one.
/Maybe it was your mother. People did stranger things for love. Or maybe he had just reached his goal and decided the road ahead would be easier if his people didn’t hate him./
/Maybe./
They dropped the subject after that and Loki found himself falling asleep soon after. He didn’t think he could ever feel so safe falling asleep in a strange realm in the middle of the wilderness before, but elves didn’t sleep and he knew that Legolas would hear or see any dangerous creature long before it reached them. He really liked not traveling alone.
~~**~~
After they parted that night, Legolas finally went to meet his siblings. He was sure they had heard already about him and Loki stopping in the middle of the street staring at each other and then having tea, but the possibility of them having guessed exactly what had happened was low. He hoped the asgardian would be well, he had looked quite distressed still when he went into the inn. The elf didn’t want to push though and knew the other needed some time to himself before he was ready to talk to anyone else about what he was feeling.
When he reached the palace he found himself with an armful of silky robes and long hair. Sigrid was calm by nature, controlled in a way that Tilda could never claim to be but she still got excited sometimes, especially when it came to family. Bain had more self control, leaning against the wall to the side as Legolas held their sister close. He had not realized how much time had passed since he had last seen them in person.
He told them about Loki as soon as they stepped inside, the look on their faces was most amusing, he was sure that they had given up hope of him ever feeling the pull. At least Bain had the excuse of not wanting a relationship. It was not that surprising though, his ada had been even older when he met his naneth. He couldn’t stop talking about him the week they spent together in Dale.
The rest of the family inevitably found out the next day. They all wanted to meet his intended but the elf knew Loki wasn’t ready so he never even mentioned it to him. They barely knew each other and the aesir had enough to worry about, though Legolas had no doubt when he did meet them, his family was going to love Loki. His ada had looked so happy when he told him and Bard, Legolas was sure he must have scared the whole kingdom. Seeing the Elvenking express such emotions was not common occurrence, not outside of the family at least.
After they started traveling together it became even more obvious that his family was going to adore him, his ada the most. Loki was gentle and kind and smart and his love for mischief knew no equal. He was a great warrior and one of the most talented mages ever born, of that Legolas was sure. He was shy and quiet and insecure, and had so much love in him it took the elf's breath away. He got excited by the most insignificant of things, the sunsets and the sunrises, a colorful flower or a particularly tame animal.
Traveling before Loki had been fun, it meant politics sometimes, sure, but also adventures and parties and sex. Traveling with Loki was definitely not the same. Even dressed as an elf, with a hooded cloak, Loki was like a magnet. People loved him, though for some reason the aesir was oblivious to it. Part of it he was sure, happened because Loki was so curious about their culture, their tradition and their history and they were all eager to share, pleased to find someone who cared, especially the smaller planets that few were interested in beyond the resources they could trade. He didn’t only learn magic, he learned their cuisine, their music, their tongue... He made illusions for the children, told stories around bonfires of monsters and heroes. That was one side he had not seen on Arda, children were so rare there, so precious that the only one Loki met had been the inn keeper’s son, and he had been too old for stories and more interested in learning how to throw knives.
Watching him was intoxicating. Every day he fell more and more in love, and at night as he laid awake, holding him as he slept, he started yearning for more, not that the aesir slept much. The mage was young he had learned, but in no way innocent and so very beautiful. It made the few stolen moments of privacy that much more meaningful.
He didn’t remember the name of the planet they were on that night. They talked about magic and watched the stars and he was so relived when he realized that Loki had not been abused. The asgardian was so cautious at times, so shy and unsure of his worth that for months he had feared the worst. Maybe even monsters had their limits.
He could have dream walked when Loki fell asleep but found he could not. The conversation they had bought suspicions to the forefront of his mind and as he kissed the sleeping male’s forehead he could not help but wonder about them as he did many nights after they met. He took his love’s hand in his own and run his fingers over the cold knuckles. Cold, always cold. Legolas didn’t know much about aesir but a few things he was sure of. Their skin was supposed to be warmer than that of elves, and they were not supposed to do well in low temperatures. Loki could walk barefoot in the snow, Legolas had actually seen him do it a few weeks into their travels while playing with some kids, they even made shapes in the snow using their bodies. Gimli had complained and refused to go out the whole time they were on that planet yet the aesir acted no different than he did back on Arda, it was like he could not feel the difference at all. And his magic was so powerful, so intense. The elf could not yet feel it completely but every day the wall between them cracked a little and he could feel more seeping through as the pull grew stronger. Aesir magic was not naturally so powerful, it was the reason why Odin married for power not love, at least the first time if not the second. Loki didn’t just learn fast, he learned anything. He didn’t seem to be aware that there were things some species simply could not do, that an aesir was not supposed to be able to do, no matter how talented or smart or powerful. He was too agile and too fast and his body structure was more similar to that of an elf than an aesir male. Then there was the sleep. Aesir supposedly slept as much as the man of Arda after they became immortal, which was at least a few hours each night. Loki slept a couple hours every few days and never acted as if he was not getting enough rest. Legolas would have worried that he was forcing himself to stay awake so they could spend more time together but he never seemed to be tired.
Something was not right, it simply didn’t fit. Loki didn’t just claim to be aesir, he believed that he was, there was not doubt in his mind. And yet all the signs pointed in a different direction. He did have aesir blood, it was clear in the shade of his skin and the brightness of his eyes. He fit the general description of his sister as well, so there most likely was a blood relation. He had the strength and the fast healing and the stamina. Legolas was sure though, that he could not be only that. He could not prove it of course, not unless he dragged another aesir out of Asgard and showed Loki just how they hated the cold and how weak their magic was or he took Loki to the healers on Arda so they could test his blood.
He was also sure that Odin had constricted the use of magic, especially if he was afraid someone would undo whatever spell he wove to make people forget nearly half their history, but part of their system not being advanced was the fault of their inability to perform in certain aspects of the art. No one seemed to have explained that to Loki, possibly because they didn’t know themselves, and the male was not aware that half of the information he sent back was most likely useless to his people.
Legolas knew he had to say something, if what he suspected was true than Loki had the right to know, but he simply didn’t know how. His love had been so hurt when he found out about Hela and the elf simply couldn't stand to cause him more grief unless he was completely sure that he was right. Even then he didn’t know how he would do it. Loki was still not over the first conversation they had about Asgard, and had yet to go home even for a short visit after. The elf knew that it would soon be longer than he had ever stayed away from home but he was not giving any indication that he had the intention of going back yet. He was trying to come up with a solution to his dilemma when Gimli let out a particularly loud snore and Loki startled awake. The sun was already rising.
/By the Norse, how could you stand that for millennia? He is worse than Thor and all his friends put together./
/We do not sleep and we dream walk very rarely or when we are very tired./
/He is louder than I imagine dragons would be. It is like he’s trying to wake up the whole realm./
/At least you have never had to spend the night in a dwarven city./
/Don’t even joke about it. I’d stab my own ears./
Legolas laughed and pulled him back close to kiss his forehead before they stood up and started to pack their camp making as much noise as they could in hopes of waking up the dwarf. If left to his own devices he would not get up till noon.
/Go back to sleep, lads. It is too early to move around and make such ruckus. I swear, insomniacs will be the end of me, not letting a dwarf sleep in peace./
/We are making noise? You should hear yourself snore, you can wake up the deaf./
Loki giggled as they started arguing. They didn’t stop even after they packed and started walking towards the kingdom they wanted to visit, worries about Loki’s parentage out of his mind for the moment. Arguing with Gimli turned into the three of them talking about their childhoods and their families and reckless siblings. Legolas loved telling Loki stories about his family, mostly because every time he did Loki looked more and more interested in meeting them. Maybe he should just ask his ada for advice, or Bard, for the moment though, Loki was happy, and he wished to see him that way at least for a little while longer.
~~**~~
Loki woke up the next morning to a noise so loud he was sure they were being attacked by some kind of wild beast, he didn’t even get to enjoy waking up in his beloved’s arms. They picked up camp efficiently after that and even managed to wake the dwarf up more easily than usual.
The road to the city they were to visit was long and took hours. The aesir enjoyed it though, because Legolas spent most of the way telling him about his family. The way his ada played with him and his sister Tauriel when they were young, how he used to brush their hair and tell them stories and teach them magic. He told him about how the Elvenking met his husband and how happy him and Tauriel had been when their siblings were born, even if they only officially met them much later. He told him that Tilda would probably never want to let him go when she found out about his talent with knives. He told him his ada will love him, but he did that every day. He so clearly wanted Loki to meet his family but would not ask.
/I still don’t understand why you believe that./
/Because it is true, he will. He will try to teach you all the magic he knows. We tried to learn because it made him happy but out of five children the one who uses it most is my sister Sigrid and even she does it more out of necessity than love for the art./
/He’s a grump you know. The first time me and the fellowship met him I could have sworn his face was made of stone. It was like he was incapable of cracking a smile, and to believe I had been scared of meeting fair Lady Galadriel. Rumor has it he is the best swordsman on Arda, and he’s infamous for decapitating his enemies. When Tauriel tried to bond with someone that he disapproved of he banished her…/
/You are so not good at this./
Loki interrupted him before he could continue. He understood that Gimli probably had a point but he couldn’t see how any of that was supposed to make him want to meet the elf. That and Legolas was glaring at the dwarf, it was kind of adorable really.
/The point is lad, the day Legolas told him about you he couldn’t stop smiling for a day, regardless of who saw him. If he had wanted to harm you he would have, and not even Legolas would have been able to stop him. An army couldn’t stop him to be honest. Whatever it is that still worries you… that you’re from Asgard, or Odin’s son, if he cared you would have known by now. The lad is right, he’s gonna love you, if he does not already for all his son can only talk about you when they speak. This is giving me a headache, so go meet him already./
Loki looked at the elf, remembering how happy he looked whenever he talked about his family and thought that maybe it was time to go back to Arda, he had wanted to meet them for a while anyway.
/You know what, maybe I will./
~~**~~
Chapter 4: Warmth
Summary:
They go to Eryn Lasgalen, Loki meets Thranduil and Loki and Legolas finally get some privacy...
Notes:
Italics is Sindarin.
Chapter Text
Loki was excited to meet his beloved’s family. He had been reluctant to go back to Arda, true, but it had little to do with them. It was himself that was the problem. He had to come to terms with who Odin really was and what that meant for him, for Asgard, first. As he waited for Legolas to open the portal, he wondered if the Elvenking would really be willing to teach him magic. If his beloved, who was barely interested in the art, knew so much about it he could not imagine what kind of knowledge the king had. He didn’t pay much attention when they walked through the portal, he was too busy trying to remember everything Legolas ever told him about Arda and Eryn Lasgalen.
His breath got caught in his throat the moment he stepped on the ground. He remembered the magic in Dale, he felt it in the very core of the city, but nothing could have prepared him for the forest of Greenwood. Loki had always been sensitive to magic, his mother said it was a gift he should treasure and so far it had turned out to be an asset. It helped him identify the most powerful of people when it came to choosing mentors and he always knew what artifacts to avoid touching. It was the reason why he put up a shield around his magic, it was just too tiring to feel everything, always.
/Meleth nin, breath…/
He felt the elf take one of his hands in his own, saw more than he heard Legolas talk to him, gesture for him to inhale and exhale. The elf looked so worried. Why wouldn’t he be? He had no idea why Loki couldn’t breath, he had never told him about how attuned he was to the magic around him. He had been born like that, it was part of his life, he never even thought of it nowadays, it was natural, instinctive to take the wall down and put it back up when he needed to. It took a few minutes to calm himself before he could smile at the elf. The magic around him, a blend of wild and filtered, caressed his shield as if to soothe the pain that it caused.
/I apologize, it’s just… the magic was suffocating. It took some time to get used to. Your ada’s, I suspect./
/I should have warned you… I did not think you would be so…/
/…troubled? I am very sensitive to magic, I always have been. It is one of the reasons my mother was so adamant to train me, so I could at least learn to mute the feeling. I have never felt so much of one person’s magic in any place. Some of it feels… ancient./
/Ada has been using his magic to shield the kingdom for millennia. Even now, in peaceful times when the shield is down, he pours little bits of his magic into the wild magic of the forest every day, and takes some of the wild magic in exchange, making it his own. The cycle keeps him connected to nature always so that if there is ever the need, he could remake the shield in minutes. No one was ever so affected before, even those who can feel anything at all are few./
/I am alright. I think the forest is trying to apologize to me, in fact. It is trying very hard not to cause me any further discomfort, it almost feels sentient./
Loki was just glad the elf had informed his family what time they would arrive. He didn’t want to know what would have happened if he was mistaken for an intruder. His protections were good at stopping outside magic from touching his own, but would not have held against an actual attack. Not one that powerful at least, it would have torn him apart from the inside out. Even as he got used to it after a couple of hours of walking though the forest, he could still feel the pressure as if in the back of his mind. If that was what it felt like to be in the Elvenking’s presence when he let his power wild around him it was no wonder he was so good at influencing other leaders and making them tolerate each other at peace treaty meetings. Only the mad and the very, very stupid would think it a good idea to piss him off. What had Odin been thinking? Had he not alienated enough powerful beings in his life?
He was still in a daze when they reached a bridge. His love had told him that the capital was underground, it had been so ever since Sauron had been defeated the first time and his ada suspected he would return one day. The elf had told him how the Elvenking gathered all his people in one city, an underground fortress. After the War of the Ring other cities were rebuilt and the elves spread all over their kingdom again, but the Elvenking’s Halls still remained the biggest and most populated one. He was startled out of his musings though when the gates opened. When Legolas first told him about Eryn Lasgalen, Loki had believed their population small. In his mind it was the only way all of them would fit into a cave system, the elf told him it was not so and it turned out seeing is believed after all. Legolas looked like he was trying very hard not to laugh at his shocked face.
The Elvenking’s Hall was in fact an underground city and not an actual cave system as he had previously believed. It must have taken at least a few centuries to carve and build, and as far as he knew they had no advanced technology back then. If there was one place that was the exact opposite of Asgard it was the one before him. Everything was stone and wood as far as he could see. No gold, no silver, no shiny stones. As they walked the narrow paths he admired the carvings, they were so fine and some of them so delicate most could barely be seen unless you looked closely. It was so different from his own childhood home which was gaudy, gold, and rough. Aesir were not the most graceful of beings and Frigga as far as he saw was the only one in that place that had any kind of taste, though she was limited by the materials as well.
/So who are we going to meet exactly?/
/Ada only. Sigrid as I told you rules Dale, and Bain leads her army. Tilda and her husband rule Lorien and Bard is visiting them right now. Tauriel is in Erebor and will return tomorrow at the earliest. I thought we should start easy./
/I think your translator is broken. Or maybe your brain is. Meeting one of the most powerful people in the galaxy is not easy. Especially one that can suffocate you just by letting his power run wild./
Easiest first would have been meeting Sigrid. She was as docile as you could get into that family. Which meant that she could be vicious she just preferred not to be, at least according to the inn keepers he became friends with in Dale. Or maybe her father, Bard, if you could overlook that he was called Dragonslayer, and saw only the mild mannered man he was most of the time. Meeting one of the most powerful magic users in the history of anything was definitely not it. It was not that Loki was afraid, he wanted to meet the Elvenking, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t nervous about it.
/That was unexpected, I have to admit. Still, you have nothing to worry about. He was happy that you decided to come meet him, he already knows who you are and simply does not care. Odin must have been an unpleasant experience but have you forgotten we have interacted with Asgard long before he was born? Buri and Bor were both close to ada and just because you are of Odin’s blood does not mean you are any less of theirs./
He didn’t expect that, didn’t even think of it himself. For months all he could think of whenever he was reminded of home was that his father was a monster. It didn’t occur to him that he was the only one, that before Odin’s reign Asgard had indeed been the protectors of the Nine. That place could return, anything broken could be mended. All he needed to do was make sure that Thor was different, it was obvious that Odin was going to name him his successor and Loki had enough influence over him to slowly show him the road to a different Asgard. The thought bought a smile to his face, he was in a much better mood when they approached the throne… room he supposed. He saw the elf next to him relax as well.
There were no guards around, in fact there had not been any at all within sight since they stepped through the portal. There was no gold there either, and though impressive the room was just as simple as the rest of the city. Even the big chair the stairs led to looked more elegant than daunting to him. Maybe because it was empty, he was pretty sure the king was supposed to greet people from there. Before he could wonder if maybe the king had other business and was late he heard a voice from the left saying his beloved’s name.
~~**~~
Legolas was terrified when he realize Loki was not breathing. He didn’t pay much attention to Gimli as he left, he took one of Loki’s hands in his own and started talking to him. He showed him slowly how to inhale and exhale, he talked him through it for a few minutes using hand gestures to help as well. He didn’t know what happened but hoped it was not for the same reasons why it happened to his younger siblings after the Battle of the Five Armies. He had to do it for them a couple times when they remembered the battle. There had been one very bad episode where Bain saw himself being attacked by the troll, he didn’t calm down until he saw with his own eyes that his sisters were safe.
He had been so relived when it turned out that Loki was not in any kind of pain that he almost paid no mind to the reason it had happened in the first place. Sensitive to magic. The elf had met people with high awareness of the magic around them, Arwen was one of them and he considered her to be a close friend. She had visited Eryn Lasgalen many times in the past and never, to his knowledge, reacted so strongly. She was one of the few that even noticed the king’s magic in the forest at all.
It was very clear why Loki’s mother was so determined to train him in magic despite the realm’s hang-ups. Clearly the aesir didn’t consider his gift something out of the ordinary, he was completely unaware of just how rare his talents were, so she must not have informed him of whatever it was she knew. That level of sensitivity towards foreign magic, the speed with which he learned everything, the fact that he could learn anything, regardless of the kind of power required or the amount necessary. And there had to be a lot of it, even though the elf could not yet feel the full potential what he could feel already was a lot and very intense, if he had only learned how to filter wild magic when Legolas taught him. The reason he taught him in the first place was because he saw the aesir cast complex magic using only his own power and realized it was the only way he knew. Legolas could count on the fingers of one hand the number of people that he knew capable of using such power at once without collapsing and one of them was himself. Maybe his ada would be able to sense more, he spent a lot more time around aesir than Legolas.
They didn’t talk for the rest of the way and Legolas found himself struggling not to laugh at his love’s reaction to seeing the city. For some reason Loki had actually believed he had been raised in a system of caves and it was amusing to see how astonished he looked when he was proven wrong. He was glad his ada made sure no guards would bother them. He watched closely as Loki studied their surroundings paying little attention to where they were going, it seemed that at least he was not afraid of heights, that was a good thing considering that if he was he would never get anywhere in the Elvenking’s Halls. And his sense of humor was intact so maybe he was not as affected by what had happened earlier as Legolas previously believed.
The elf looked directly at his ada once they reached the throne room, he was standing to the side waiting for them. There was a kind look on the king’s face and the elf was glad for that, he was sure that if his ada wore the usual expressionless face that he showed strangers Loki would believe he was not welcome.
/Legolas./
/Ada. This is Loki./
He saw the moment his ada laid eyes on the aesir, the way he froze for a second as Loki turned around to face them. So there really was something, Legolas was not suspicious for nothing. The aesir tensed a little and gave tight little smile.
/Your Majesty, it is a pleasure./
He tried to bow but Legolas caught his elbow in time. His ada got an even softer look into his eyes just as Legolas had expected he would once he met his love. Loki just had that innocence about him, regardless of his power and knowledge.
/Just Thranduil is fine. I apologize for my reaction but my son’s stories about you did not prepare me for you to look so quite like your sister./
/Hela?/
The aesir looked so eager for more information that Legolas had to smile at him and the king was not far behind.
/Yes. We were no longer on good terms with Asgard when she was born but I have seen her once, she was very beautiful as well. I was under the impression, though, that she inherited most of her features from her mother, including the color of her eyes and her dark hair. Gaia herself, I have never met and I always knew your bloodline to be blonde and blue eyed. Maybe I was wrong, there might have been an ancestor that had different coloring and the gene must have been simply dormant./
/My brother does have blond hair and blue eyes./
/A recessive gene, then. Let us move to a more comfortable room and I can tell you more about your family, if you so desire./
Legolas just walked behind them listening to their conversation. He was glad that the meeting went well, he had never been worried about his ada’s reaction, about Loki’s he had been a little. Legolas loved his ada more than he could ever say but was well aware of how intimidating and arrogant he could come across as. Usually it was a good thing, few people dared defy him. Loki was his intended though, he was not a subject or a stranger or an enemy and the elf had hoped he would not be scared away by his ada’s demeanor. He had been worried for nothing though, the king was making an effort to act familiar with someone he had never met before and Legolas knew it could not be easy. It went against everything he had been doing most of his life, it just couldn’t be comfortable. He had thought it would take time but his ada it seemed was not willing to take the chance that Loki might not be at ease around him. Just one more proof of how much his ada loved him.
They went to a sitting room, walls covered in books, and the couple made themselves comfortable on a couch while the king chose a chair. Legolas drank some wine and ate a few cookies that someone bought them as he listened to tales of old Asgard. It would have been less embarrassing if the king didn’t tell the story of the time he got drunk with Buri and helped a young Bor court his future wife by informing him exactly how to pleasure her properly. Daunting as he was to strangers once you got to know him he proved that he was in fact unrepentant. It was nice to see the asgardian be so comfortable with himself though, so open. He looked lovely as he laughed at his ada’s tales, cheeks pink from the wine and eyes shining brighter than he had ever seen them.
He occupied his time by making sure Loki ate a little as well, he didn’t eat enough as it was, Legolas would have worried more if he didn’t realize that it wasn’t intentional, food just wasn’t a priority in his love’s mind unless he was learning something new about a planet he was visiting. He watched as Loki grew more tired and kissed his forehead as he yawned for the hundredth time. He had not slept in a couple days and maybe he was not as completely used to being surrounded by the king’s magic as he claimed.
/You should go rest, meleth nin, you had a long day./
/You are not coming?/
He would have loved to but he had the feeling him and his ada had a lot to talk about. The king was probably not sure what he could say around Loki.
/Ada and I have some catching up to do. Ery will show you to my rooms if you wish to sleep./
She was one of the more traveled guards, interacting with someone from outside of Arda would not be unusual. He gestures for her to joined and informed her of his request.
/Fine. Come to me after you talk to your father?/
/You know I will. Now go, before you fall asleep here./
He kissed him one last time and watched as he walked away before turning to the king.
/Legolas, did you tell him of your suspicions?/
He sounded worried and Legolas realized that he was not forcing himself at all to be comfortable around Loki. It should not have surprised him, he did know his ada was going to love him, it just happened faster than expected.
/No. I have no proof and am not sure what else other than aesir he is. Finding out about Asgard was painful enough for him, not to mention Hela./
/He does have aesir blood, that much I can tell. He is a shapeshifter also, though it was difficult to feel. His shields are incredible./
The king looked impressed, and considering that his naneth, a celestial, had taught him most of what he knew about shields that meant something.
/And he had a strong reaction to your magic today. I thought at first that it was a panic attack, but he said it was just your magic being overwhelming. Apparently he is so sensitive to outside magics that feeling yours in the forest almost suffocated him. It scared me to see him so helpless./
/And he is better now?/
/He said it apologized, I think it likes him./
/He does seem sweet./
He was. Sure he loved mischief and was a little snarky and sarcastic but he was so very gentle and so soft-hearted.
/He is, I wish he knew his worth./
/You have a lifetime ahead of you to show him just that. … I will ask about his shapeshifting the day after tomorrow, after the party. Maybe that will give us a clue./
/I hope. I do not like keeping this from him./
His love had been lied to enough, Legolas didn’t want to join the too long list of people who wronged him. The king sighted, he probably didn’t want that either.
/I do not suppose you do./
They talked a little longer after that, about what Legolas learned while traveling recently and how the kingdoms of Arda were getting along that week. He listened to his ada complain about how Elrohir and Tilda made one of the dwarven kings want to take their heads off at the latest Council meeting and Sigrid spend the better part of an hour after that trying to calm him down. Maybe he should go to those meeting more often, he was missing all the fun.
/You should go. I know this is the first time the two of you have any privacy, Bard and I went to a trade meeting with the king of Erebor not long ago and know how frustrating it can be./
/Ada… I almost miss how you used to be before Bard but then I remember how depressed you were./
/Go!/
The both laughed as he left. He found Loki asleep when he entered the room, wearing nothing at all and covered only by the thin sheet. He was so beautiful… there was moonlight coming through the window and it made him look divine. He had never been more grateful that his room was on the face of a cliff and actually had a window. Part of him wanted to wake him up, his desire growing. The other part knew just how tired his love was so he just undressed and went to wash himself before joining him in bed, holding him close and kissing the back of his neck.
/Sweet dreams, meleth nin./
~~**~~
As if the powerful magic was not enough the Elvenking looked more intimidating than he had expected as well. He was lean as all elves were supposed to be but much taller than he had been led to believe. His gorgeous face was frozen as he looked at him, it looked like it was carved from the stone surrounding them and Loki had to force himself to smile. At least his magic was contained, it seemed that only the one already released could be felt and not his actual magic. If anything it would not be painful to be in his presence.
The look didn’t last long and his face adopted a soft and kind look before he even introduced himself. He was surprised that Legolas didn’t let him bow and wondered if it was because of their bond or if that was simply how things worked on Arda.
He didn’t know how to feel about looking so much like his sister. He had never met her and until recently had no idea she even existed but she was his blood and even if she had done some questionable things for their father maybe it wouldn’t be the worst thing to have something in common, something that connected them. He wondered if she was alive out there somewhere, if she ran away at some point and settled into a quiet life. Maybe she had a loving partner and three children of her own. A tiny cottage by the sea in a far away realm from which she could watch her children play in the water as she practiced magic… That was probably wishful thinking. She was most likely dead on some magic forsaken battlefield and Odin had probably not even bothered to bring her body home.
It was easy to talk to the Elvenking… to Thranduil after that. The king was kind and soft spoken in a way the Allfather had never been, even when he tried. He listened to the stories of Asgard and his bloodline as Legolas feed him cookies and he sipped some wine. The tales were interesting, and amusing considering how revered the male telling them was by some people. If only they knew what he did in the little free time he had. But it was mostly the atmosphere of the room that made him relax more than he had in a really long time.
He felt warm… just, it was not really his body that was feeling that way. It was that feeling of belonging that he had in Dale, only so much stronger. He let Thranduil’s words just warm his soul as he got more and more sleepy. He would have protested when his beloved sent him to bed if he believed he could hold his eyes open much longer.
The room he was taken to had walls and doors, he was thankful for that. He didn’t know what he would have done if he realized that after all that time imagining what it will be like when they had a room to themselves he came to Eryn Lasgalen and found out they had no walls and doors. The room was large and the window overlooked a mountain. He was surprised there even was a window though as he went closer and looked down he realized it was on the side of a cliff. So still defensible, though it had probably been built after the war.
He turned to the bed as he started taking his clothes off. He cleaned them well enough and it helped that he used magic on them sometimes but he still didn’t wish to sleep in them if he had the option not to. He couldn’t see any drawers so naked it was. He went to the bathroom thankful that the door was open and relived himself before looking towards the tub. Figuring out how it worked was not hard and once he was clean he finally went to bed. It was large and soft and the sheets were so fine he fell asleep before his head even hit the pillow.
When he woke up there was a hand running softly through his hair and the sun just starting to rise.
/You slept more than usual./
/That’s because I slept in an actual bed for once, not the ground or those hard things inns mostly have….And I feel comfortable here, this place is warm./
Legolas was a prince, even if he didn’t believe himself more important than anyone else there had to be some perks. It appeared they included a very comfortable and large bed. He hadn’t slept in a bed so soft since the last time he had been home.
/That is not what most people say. We are underground and surrounded by stone./
/Not that kind of warmth. It is just a feeling, it feels calm and… safe./
It wasn’t something he could explain, it couldn’t really be put into words.
/I am glad then. Must be ada’s protective nature you are feeling, you so sensitive to magic and the one he usually releases is imprinted with what he is feeling at the time so it makes sense. Deep down he always feels the need to protect his kingdom… his family./
/He’s wonderful./
/That he is./
Thranduil had been kinder to him than he had predicted he would be. Legolas had told him his ada was very gentle and loving but Loki was a stranger to him, he thought it would take time for him to warm up. He didn’t wait to get to know Loki first, though, his bond to Legolas had been enough to make him family in Thranduil’s eyes. It was a pleasant surprise. He put the thoughts of the Elvenking out of his mind before he turned around to face his beloved.
/You know, this is a very comfortable bed./
Legolas smirked at him, running his palm up and down Loki’s side before settling on his waist.
/Is that so?/
He kissed the elf softly and answered between kisses.
/Yes… and we have walls… and doors… and privacy… and time.../
He let himself be rolled onto his back and wrapped his arms around the elf’s neck as his beloved fit himself between his spread legs.
/We do have all of those, it would be a shame to let such opportunity go to waste./
Hmm, the elf really, really knew what he was doing. He should have agreed to visit Eryn Lasgalen sooner.
~~**~~
It was morning by the time his love woke up. He was surprised to find out that Loki felt safe there because of his ada’s magic but also glad. He knew the king already adored Loki and it was warming his heart that after that initial reaction to the magic in the forest there was not any lingering discomfort for Loki. They would not have been able to stay for long if there had been, Legolas would not have been able to do it if he knew his love was in pain just by being there.
He lost his train of thought when Loki turned around and kissed him. His skin was soft and just a little cold and he tasted so, so sweet. He rolled them over and started kissing down that long pale neck as he had been wanting to do for months. They would be in bed for a very long time, he hoped his ada didn’t plan to see them until at least evening because he had no intention of going anywhere before the start of the party that night.
~~**~~
Chapter 5: Ice
Summary:
Loki and Legolas have some fun. Legolas hates Odin. Loki tries some of Thranduil's infamous wine. It does not all end well.
Chapter Text
Loki watched the intricate carvings on the ceiling and listened to the running water in the bathroom as he tried to catch his breath. He was glad they were not actually going to spend an entire week having sex and ignoring the world because he didn't think he could survive that. Either elves had unnatural stamina and skill or Legolas had more experience than Loki already knew he did because the aesir had never been in that situation before. He was usually the one who tired out his partners not the other way around. He turned his head towards the bathroom when he heard the elf exit.
/I drew you a bath. The herbs I put in the water should help relax you some./
Legolas looked so guilty the mage could not stop himself from giggling. His love had not even been rough with him, even when he asked for it. The elf seemed to be under the impression that he was made of glass and the aesir was going to have to prove him wrong one day. He could not have anyone believing that he was weak and needed coddling. Some other day though, because he really didn't have the energy to do it at the time.
/Love, you didn't break me. You just tired me out, though a bath sounds good. How about you join me?/
He smiled seductively and held out a hand, he was not so sore that he wasn't willing to do it at least once more before they had to leave and face the world. And yes, some tiny, tiny part of him didn't want to share the elf with anyone again, at least not yet and sex was a good way to stall for time. The elf sat next to him and nipped his neck, running his hand up Loki's side.
/That would be counterproductive, meleth nin, you are supposed to relax not get even more sore. I will look for something to wear, for both of us, if we do not get distracted we might even make it to the party on time./
The aesir remembered some of the innuendos the king made during their previous conversation and somehow doubted Thranduil expected them to show up at all. The elf taught his grandfather how to properly pleasure his lover, he was not exactly innocent and pure.
/I don't think your ada expects us to make it at all if yesterday is anything to go by./
/I would like to prove him wrong once in my life even if it is on something tiny such as this./
The way they acted with each other was nothing like Loki had expected. Sure, Legolas had told him all kinds of stories about his ada and everything in them was good and they all turned out to be true, Thranduil was kind and gentle and loved his family, that much was clear but Loki had still expected him to be more... stern. He sometimes looked at Loki like he was trying to figure him out, which would have been scary, if his eyes weren't so soft while he did it, he was probably just trying to figure out what kind of man his son was stuck with. The whole time they talked he never gave any indication that he didn't trust Legolas to make his own choices. He never once tried to impose his own opinion on his son, though they mostly told stories of Asgard there had been plenty of opportunities to at least imply something but he never did. Loki shuddered even thinking about what Odin would have done in the same situation, if his son bought someone home that he had never met and didn't approve of before hand, and hoped his father and his love never met. Legolas, he found during their travels, was very protective and already his opinion of Odin's parenting was so low it had hit rock bottom, if he saw the man even consider harming Loki in any way, heads would roll and the aesir knew exactly whose they would be. He closed his eyes and forced himself to stop thinking about it.
/The two of you are impossible, are you sure he is not actually your annoying older brother?/
/Yes, he just loves to embarrass his children. He considers it his duty and he takes duty very seriously./
The elf was grinning and the aesir started laughing at the joke. They were adorable, he wondered what kind of chaos they caused when the whole family was in one place. He kind of pitied whoever had to deal with them during official meetings. Loki kissed his love before he got up and walked to the bathroom, leaving the door open so he could still talk to the elf. The aesir heard fabric being tossed around and hoped his love didn't inherit his sense of fashion from his ada, the robes the king wore looked very uncomfortable. He felt his muscles relax as soon as he sank into the water and let his head fall back closing his eyes as he finally answered the elf.
/You have a wonderful father. I wish mine had learned something from him, maybe Asgard would be a different place now./
He would have at least appreciated if his father had not alienated Thranduil so badly. He would have loved to meet the Elvenking early, maybe childhood as a little boy who loved reading and magic more than brawling in the mud and didn't understand why he was only supposed to like girls would have been less painful.
/It is never too late for that. You said your brother will make a great king one day, remember? You just need to be patient./
/It is not in my nature to just wait patiently for something to happen, I am not an elf. Besides, Odin is young, he has centuries, millennia to cause even more damage to Asgard and to Thor./
/Not to you?/
The elf walked into the bathroom and sat down on the edge of the large tub. He had a dangerous glint in his eyes, anger swirling in his magic. Loki took his hand in his and sqeezed tight, sending calming waves of magic through their bond until he came back to his senses and took a deep breath before he looked at the aesir with softer eyes. Loki let out a breath of relief as well and smiled sadly.
/He doesn't care about me, I am not useful enough to him. Not that it bothers me, I do love the freedom his indifference provides. My brother isn't so lucky though, and he is kind of gullible too, he believes everything that monster tells him. It is not that Thor is not intelligent he just doesn't know any other way of life. He had never seen the world beyond the Nine, even I who had been travelling for some time and already had issues with Odin found the truth to be hard to swallow./
And he would have still been in denial if it was anyone else who told him the truth.
/Take him with you then, show him the world. There is nothing more eye opening than realizing there is a world beyond the borders of your kingdom that existed before you were born and will still be there when you are gone./
/Speaking from experience?/
It was when the elf said such things that reminded Loki that the elf was so much older. What did Legolas see in him?
/Yes. Only, unlike you and your brother I was not deceived, I was sheltered./
/The mother hen tried to lock you in a tower, didn't he?/
Having met the king it was surprising he let them out of his sight at all. It was the elf's turn to smile sadly.
/Not that far from the truth... He was not in a good place back then, he had lost so much. Eryn Lasgalen, Mirkwood, used to be a much more dangerous place. It felt like the weight of the world was on his shoulders, I think. The idea of his children somewhere he could not reach was just too much, losing us... he would not have survived that. I do not think Bard will ever understand how grateful Tauriel and I are that he never gave up on ada. I love my people and my world, Loki, but Arda used to be a very dark place. There is hope for your home, believe me, there is always hope as long as someone fights for it./
From what he understood Arda used to be worse than Midgard was, at least humans didn't have to fear dark lords and monsters, only each other. Starvation, illnesses and seemingly never ending bloodshed. He had no idea how they managed to turn that into what Arda had became but he supposed fighting together against a common enemy that no one could defeat alone helped pave the way. Maybe Thranduil would teach him more than just magic, maybe he would teach him how to make Asgard better.
/I don't know if I can fight for it alone, but I will fight. I do so want to see an Asgard ruled by Thor one day, maybe there will be no war then in the Nine, just like there is no war here./
/You are not alone. You love your brother a lot, I understand that, but have you never considered ruling Asgard yourself? You would be a great king, too./
He had considered it at one point, back when he still tried to make Odin proud, but a long time had passed since then. He had grown up and realized that the crown was not going to give him his father's love, nor did he want it anymore. It was simply not something he wanted or needed and had no intention of ever trying to obtain.
/I do not want to rule, besides, now that I met you, I don't think I could tie myself to Asgard that way./
/You are so young, do not make such decisions hastily.../
They were quiet for a few seconds as the aesir got out of the bath and wrapped himself in a huge soft towel. He stepped close to the elf and kissed him deeply until they were both out of breath.
/I am not... I have never fit in there, I do here. Fate led me here for a reason, this is where I am meant to be. And you are right, I am young, I still want to travel and am not ready to give up on my birthplace, I never will be. But my future is here, my life is already here, so no, I do not want the throne. Never desired it less./
/I love you, my beautiful Dragon./
When Legolas kissed his forehead he felt his love through their bond, the elf's warm magic envelop him.
/I love you, Legolas./
/Who taught you that?!/
Shock was clear on his love's face as he clearly didn't expect Loki to understand him.
/Gimli./
/Is that so? What else did he teach you, how to swear in Khuzdul?/
They reached the bed and started getting dressed. The clothes were similar to what they had been wearing during their travel only from softer fabric and without hoods. It was not meant to serve as armor or conceal their identities. Loki smirked before he looked at Legolas.
/Odin is a son of a bitch./
He didn't remember hearing the elf snort before but they were still laughing as they left the rooms minutes later.
~~**~~
Legolas drew a bath after he finished his shower and poured in some herbs he knew helped soothe sore muscles. He felt kind of guilty, though he knew that Loki was not actually hurt and he enjoyed it very much, so he wanted to at least help a little. He knew the mage was strong and capable but he just seemed so fragile, the elf's first instinct was to protect. He hoped the aesir would not grow to resent him, he tried not to pressure but could not help himself when it came to the little things, like making sure his beloved ate enough or putting herbs in the bath.
When Loki asked him to bath together he was tempted to accept but knew giving in every time he wanted the mage would just mean they never left the bedroom and they had a party to attend. To Legolas who was born in Eryn Lasgalen attending the celebration together had less to do with having fun than it had with sending a message, to his people and the rest of Arda too. The children of Illuvatar were a little libertine, at least compared to most races, but taking someone to a celebration of the stars had a special meaning for the elves. Having Loki by his side that night would make them as good as engaged in the eyes of many, it would, informally, be Loki's introduction to Eryn Lasgalen. That party was a way to allow people to meet the prince for the first time in what they considered a safe zone, it would ensure a good first impression, especially if Loki was his usual adorable self. They needed to be there. Of course he didn't tell his beloved all that, the last thing the mage needed was to stress over nothing, there was no way anyone was going to leave that party not loving the aesir.
The moment Odin was mentioned he felt his blood boil with rage. Legolas was a rational person, he spent his life making sure he didn't make decisions based on his emotions. There were times, of course, when even he could not put personal feelings aside and chose with his heart instead of his mind, like the time he followed his sister when she was banished. Or when he joined the fellowship because he knew his ada would not last much longer unless the ring was destroyed. Or the time he stayed and fought in the battle of Helm's Deep even though he believed it a suicide mission, because he wasn't willing to leave his friends behind. Needless to say, he was not made of stone and he knew that well enough, but nothing had ever clouded his judgement the way his rage for the king of Asgard did, and it was not even his decisions as a king that did it. Being a prince he knew the kind of duties and responsibilities royalty had, he knew the pretenses they had to keep and the limitations that at times felt suffocating. He also knew that there was no excuse a father could have for not loving his children with all of his heart. His ada had been a mourning widow with a dying kingdom. And yet despite the battles he had to fight and the darkness he had to shield against, the meetings he had to attend and the countless other duties, he found time to kiss them goodnight. To tell them he loved them, every day. To teach them how to walk and talk and fight. To braid their hair and tell them stories. To hug them when they were sad and praise them when they succeed at something. A man that was one decision away from abuse was not someone he could stand and he hoped to never meet, last he start a war with Asgard over killing their king.
He did believe that there was hope for Asgard, thought part of him didn't understand at first why his beloved never mentioned ruling himself. Loki had all the makings of a great king, he was dedicated, smart, loyal, wise beyond his years... and most of all he loved his people, believed in them. The other part, the one that knew he would follow the mage to the edge of the world and the end of time understood all too well. Their bond was strong and growing stronger every day, he could see how for someone who never felt safe and like he belonged, the connection would be far more powerful than that of blood. It saddened him though, to think of how lonely Loki must have felt before they met, that anyone could hold something as precious as his love and trust in their hands and throw it all away. It didn't matter though, not anymore, Loki was never going to be alone again.
He tried to push all of his love through their bond as he kissed his beloved's forehead and made a note to himself to send Gimli something shinny in thanks when the aesir told him he loved him as well in Sindarin. He was still amused from having heard Loki's knowledge of Khuzdul when they reached the party and he felt the mage stop and try to pull him back. There was a hard look an his face as he looked somewhere in the distance and the elf took his hand in his in a flash.
/They are all here.../
He took the aesir's face in his hands not understanding what he was talking about. Outsiders were rare in Eryn Lasgalen and there was no way his ada would have anyone there while he was just meeting his son in law. Especially since there were so many things they had yet to understand.
/What? Meleth nin, are you well? Do you want to go back to my room? We can spend the night there, we do not have to be here, there will be other opportunities, there are celebrations every week./
/Your family... they are all here, they were not supposed to be all here./
He let out a sigh of relief when the aesir gave him a pout. There was a glint returning to Loki's eyes and he remembered just how strong and proficient at magic his beloved was. Maybe it wasn't him Legolas should worry for in that night.
/They were not. They never listened to a thing I said in their lives, it does not surprise me that they ignored it now. This is definitely Tilda's work. I apologize, we can leave. They had no right to do this./
Sometimes he wished his siblings were less obnoxious. They never understood the meaning of privacy and he blamed Bard and Thranduil for that.
/It's fine, meeting Thranduil helped my anxiety really, it was his opinion I feared most./
/They love you already, you make me happy and that is enough. You have nothing to worry about, me on the other hand, well, they have a lot of teasing to get revenge for./
And they did. It was worth it though. Worth seeing Loki let go and be himself, worth every smile and laugh. And the people... they already loved Loki by the time the party reached its peak.
~~**~~
/So, what is the deal with the wine?/
Loki had been shocked to see the entire family at the party but thinking back to what Legolas had told him about them over the last months he shouldn't have been. Meeting them made it even more obvious stubborn run in the family. He couldn't find it in himself to be mad that they ambushed him in such a way. They were kind too, and as accepting as Thranduil had been. Bard was soft spoken and just had a calm about him that soothed any nerves the aesir still had the moment he introduced himself. Him and Thranduil looked so in love Loki wished Legolas and him would be the same when millennia had passed. Sigrid clearly took after her father and she looked so gentle and sweet it was the hard to believe the stories of her bravery in battle were also true. Until Tilda and her husband took teasing Legolas too far, that is, and it was like a beast broke free, asgardians were clearly insane if they thought woman were any less scary than man. Bain and Tauriel just acted as if putting up with their family's antics was a chore. Galion, who he was told was definitely family, acted a little bit more formal than he expected but his husband Feren was much more open, joining right in when Thranduil and Tauriel started telling embarrassing stories from when Legolas was a child and dragging his bonded in with him in the end. The one thing they all seemed to agree on was that he was family, they acted as if things had never been different.
/What wine?/
/Your ada's. Is he the only one allowed to drink it?/
They all looked at him like he was insane for even considering tasting it. Was the king that protective over a bottle of alcohol?
/Dorwinion wine. You can try it if you want, he will not mind./
/Tilda!/
/What?! He asked!/
He never knew such a loud sound could come out of such a tiny creature until he heard Sigrid shriek at her sister. Tilda had seemed to like him, was she trying to get him into trouble? Legolas looked like he didn't know if he should laugh or try to stop him so Loki sent him a questioning look.
/No one else drinks it because it is very strong and very sweet, they make it especially for him. Tilda is right though, you can try it. Just be warned and be careful./
Thranduil and Bard returned to the table just as he was pouring some wine into his glass, the later a little flushed from dancing. The elf looked amused while the man had a wary look on his face. It was wine, how bad could it be? They had honey mead in Asgard and while not his favourite he didn't dislike it either. He looked at everyone around him and their wide eyes before taking a careful sip... He started coughing.
/By the Norse! How can you drink this?!/
/That is a mistery we might never solve./
They all started laughing at that, Legolas just kissed his cheek and gave him a glass of something else. Whatever it was it took the taste away. Thranduil looking apologetic as he sat next to Loki at the table and ran a hand over his back.
/I should not have let you do that. I like the sweetness and the alcohol does not affect me. It does not have any honey in it though, it is made of only dorwinion grapes./
Loki smiled at that, Legolas looked at them and walked away to his siblings, leaving them alone to talk. If it had happened before he got to know what a sweetheart Thranduil was under the surface he would have been terrified, as it was he knew that if the king had a problem with their relationship he would have found out already so he just smiled and waved at his love. The sun was rising and the party was coming to an end, people were greeting the king as they started cleaning and going home. Even Feren and Galion, who seemed to take it upon themselves to act as Thranduil's guards had taken their leave.
/It's fine. My mother always said I was too curious for my own good./
/And I thank the Valar for that. Were you not curious you would have never left Asgard and my son would not be so happy now./
He sounded sincere but there was a serious look on his face, the kind he had when he fist saw Loki. The aesir was not stupid, he knew something had been bothering Legolas, knew it something to do with him and that the elf was trying to protect him by withholding the information. He also knew how guilty his love felt for lying, which was the only reason why he was not angry about it, because he knew the elf was waiting until he had proof. The smile dropped off his face as well.
/I would not be so happy either./
/Legolas is worried. Your magic does not feel completely aesir. He did not tell you before because he was not sure but I am./
Of course, his magic. Legolas had at least hinted that something was strange when it came to his magic.
/What.../
/There is something I would like to teach you that will help prove or disprove the theory, but if you do not want to know, you do not have to do it./
He did want to know, his whole life he had wanted to know what made him different. Thranduil moved closer and took him into his arms, the hug felt warm and soft and Loki almost felt tears starting to gather into his arms because his own father had never hugged him. He was glad that everyone had left and they were the only ones in the clearing as the sun rose. He refused to cry because of Odin thought, he had done that enough so he focused on the thought of learning magic from someone who was famous for it in the entire Galaxy.
/What would that be?/
/Shape shifting./
/Into animals? I learned that as a child. And I admit it shocked my mother that the transformation was real and not an illusion but nothing else happened. I don't see how this will prove anything./
Besides the fact that he had very powerful magic but that his mother had already known. She knew a lot of things he figured, that she never deemed to tell him. He was never going to forget his first time using the skill, nor was he ever going to gift Thor a pet. His brother was a great warrior but he lacked a gentle touch.
/It already does. Aesir do not have the magic to make it stronger than an illusion. ... But that is not the kind of shape shifting I was referring to. What I mean is more like skin changing./
The king kissed his hair before he let go of the hug and turned towards him. The skin on the left side of his face started changing, it looked like it was decaying. His eye turned milky and unseeing and the wound, because that was no scar, looked raw and painful. Loki knew that it was too late to hide the shock, he just reached a hand to the king's own in a show of support. So it was not actually shape shifting.
/Dragon fire./
/You think I will change into the skin of a different race. One with inherent magic more powerful than that of the aesir. Just one more lie to add to the ever growing pile./
But how? Thranduil said he looked just like his sister and both Frigga and Odin were asgardian, were they not? If he looked like Hela he had to be their son, and if he was their son, he was aesir. He was Odin's son at the very least so he couldn't have been adopted. Maybe the elf was wrong and he was just born an anomaly.
/You do not have to do this but if our suspicion is true and your magic is still changing, becoming more potent, lack of knowledge might turn out to be dangerous./
/Why hide it from me then? What, am I the result of adultery and they thought it better if I only found out after I blew someone up?!/
That was an option, but then his parent had to be Odin or else he couldn't look like Hela. His magic was changing though, slowly but he could feel it, his shields were not going to last forever and if the elf could help him with that he was going to have to try.
/That I can not answer for you. There is the option of testing the DNA but that will only give us a list of species, this might reveal specific bloodline traits that might help should you want more answers./
/Like silvery blonde hair, specific to your bloodline. No other elf has hair that light./
/Yes./
He took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a second and hoped this was not true. He hoped the test would fail and the king was wrong, because he didn't know how many more lies he could take from his family.
/I want to try./
~~**~~
Loki fit right in with his family. Legolas watched all night as he talked politics with Sigrid and Tauriel, had a knife throwing competition with Tilda and almoust drank Bain under the table when the man challenged him. He even convinced the mage to dance with him a little. The people loved him too, he was kind and thoughtful and asked them all kinds of questions about elven magic and their culture. Apparently it was important to get the opinion of someone not part of the royal family.
When Loki decided to try Dorwinion wine he had to warn him, while the prank could be funny it could very well be dangerous. He remembered he tasted it and it had not been nice. As expected the aesir didn't like it, that his ada could drink that was insane. The only person who sometimes tried to as well was Bard and even he could not make it past a couple sips. The crazy things people did for love would never cease to amaze him.
He left with his siblings when morning came and he saw that his ada was talking with the mage. He knew exactly what it was about and he almost joined them but the way Loki smiled and the reassurence he felt through their bond made him stay away. Some things his love had to face alone.
He was in his room looking at reports from when he was traveling when he felt it, the cold. It was like ice had been poured down his spine. And then the fear came, the pain. The bond felt like someone was trying to rip it apart and he knew something was very wrong. He was on his way back to the clearing before he could even process all that was going on, sending soothing magic through their bond that he knew never reached his love.
~~**~~
Thranduil was a good teacher and he knew the theory well enough that it didn't take long before the aesir understood it. When he actually tried it Loki didn't expect anything to happen, worst case scenario he could imagine was getting freckles or something that would indicate he was part human. Odin was flawed to the bone and some human females were very beautiful. Or maybe something to indicate vanir, their magic was powerful and Frigga spent a lot of time there, it would explain why she knew something no one else seemed to about his powers. It could be that he looked like his sister because she cast a glamour to hide her secret. She was skilled enough that if the glamour was delicate and had been there his whole life he would not feel it when buried under his powerful magic.
When he saw the skin on his hands turn blue he felt the world around him shatter. He vaguely noticed throwing the king away when he tried to approach him and hearing him say something but all he could make out was buzzing. The ground started feezing just as silver markings appeared on his skin... his dark blue skin. Legolas was never going to want him again... He was a monster.
~~**~~
Notes:
I am so sorry it took so long to update. I had been so busy and wrote the second chapter of The dark star first so by the time I even started this one a long time had passed since the last update. I just finished this five minutes ago and updated as fast as I did.
On a different note, I went to Avengers: Endgame and now feel better about the future of MCU. I no longer feel that it is turning into DCEU. And I loved watching Thanos turn into dust but I hate that Tony died. So far it seems they are determined to kill my favourite characters one by one. First Loki, then Tony, hopefully Bucky isn't next. As a whole it was good though so I'm no longer worried. Can't wait to see what the future brings, maybe an adorable female mini Iron Man.
* I edited this chapter a little when I realized Loki was supposed to know Hela was his half sister and not Frigga's daughter. The modifications do not affect the plot.
Chapter 6: Starlight
Summary:
Being part jotun is not the end of the world. Loki comes to terms with who he is, Legolas gets the scare of his life and Thranduil feels very guilty.
Chapter Text
When Legolas reached the clearing his ada was holding up a shield and a storm seemed to rage on inside. There was frost on it, covering it from the inside making it solid and creating little fissures like spiderwebs. His heart stopped for a second when he realised Loki was nowhere in sight, which meant he was inside the shield, he was creating the storm. The bond was growing weaker and it was getting harder to feel what his love was feeling. It was like it was freezing, going numb from the cold.
/He is jotun. If I let this go everything will freeze for miles. By the Valar he is so powerful, he has celestial blood, Legolas, and he snapped!/
/What happened?!/
He was scared and confused and could only imagine what his love was feeling.
He had suspected Jotun when he had first noticed Loki's skin was never warm, what truly surprised him though was the celestial blood. There was one explanation for it, of course, but it still left the question of what happened to Hela unanswered and even more relevant than before though he didn't have time to dwell on that. He needed to get to Loki.
/I do not know. It was all going well. He learned fast just as you said, it worked the first time he tried, no difficulties. When his skin turned blue he looked terrified. He lost control of his power when the bloodline markings appeared, I do not think he is causing this intentionally. He is scared and his magic is lashing out trying to protect him by keeping everyone else away. He was having a panic attack, I think, could not hear me and threw me away before I could get into touching distance. Or a dissociative episode, I do not know but nothing I did helped. It was like he did not even know who I was./
/I can not reach him through the bond either, I need to go inside the barrier./
/Legolas... he can not control this!/
/I know, but I have no choice, he is going to hurt himself and the bond is fading. I did not even know it was possible to break./
/It is not. ... You have one moment to pass through and I can not tell you what you will find on the other side./
Legolas prepared himself for the worst when he passed through the barrier. Elves were not supposed to be affected by the cold but the howling winds contained into such little space felt like they were biting at his skin. He remembered the one time he had visited Jotunheim, to congratulate the King on the birth of his son, after a couple hours the tips of his fingers had been so numb he was afraid he was going to lose them. Jotunheim was an unforgiving world to those who didn't belong there, he had had to use his magic by the end of the day to keep himself warm and alive, the blizzard Loki was making felt like it had the potential to turn Arda into a second Jotunheim if he was not stopped in time. He was going to help his love, whatever it took.
~~**~~
Loki struggled to breathe, his heart was beating so fast it hurt. He was dizzy and couldn't hear anything, his vision was blurry with tears and his skin was still blue. Vaguely he was aware that the storm around him was getting worse and that it was his fault but it felt like he was detached from the world.
He saw pale hands take hold of his own shaking ones, he could barely feel it. Why was anyone there? They were going to get hurt, he was a monster, like the ones from the tales people told children at night, he was hurting the person touching him though he couldn't stop. He tried to get away but his body would not budge. Why couldn't he move? He looked up at the person in front of him. Loki was supposed to know the man... The elf, he was an elf. And Loki was supposed to know him. Why couldn't he remember his name? He watched the other's lips move but heard nothing. The lips that were supposed to be pink were turning blue and the hands holding his own felt stiff. His breathing got worse as he tried to struggle away. The elf had to let him go, he was going to get hurt! Loki was killing him, couldn't he see?!
Instead of letting go the elf held him closer, pulling Loki into his lap and kissing his forehead. Loki felt one of his hands being moved to the elf's chest, the while the other one was bought to his own. Did the elf want Loki to breath like him? He tried to regulate his breathing, it wasn't easy. He had to try though, the fool refused to let go of him and Loki could not let him die. He didn't know why he couldn't let him die, just that he couldn't. He had to stop the storm too, the elf could not stand the cold. So Loki had to make it stop. He felt something wet hit his forearm as his breathing got under control and his heartbeat slowed. Why was there water falling from the elf's eyes?
/L...i! Me...-ni...!
The elf was yelling, but Loki felt like he was being pulled under water. The storm had stopped. Good. Legolas would live. Legolas, that was right. The elf's name was Legolas and Loki was supposed to know him, he just didn't know from where...
~~**~~
The wind bit at his skin harder and harder as he searched for Loki. It was so very cold and the bond was still fading, little by little. Legolas could barely see in front of his eyes and he was numb from the cold by the time he reached the mage. His magic was failing him, the pressure of Loki's magic too much for him to fight in his unfocused state, so he couldn't get warm at all.
He fell to his knees in front of his love and took trembling hands in his own.
/Meleth nin.../
The mage didn't answer. He flinched as if he was trying to move, to get away but his body would not follow commands. Legolas tried to reach through their bond though it didn't work, it was like swimming through snow. Red eyes looked up but there was no recognition in them. They were blank, as if there was nobody there but a ghost. He pulled Loki into his lap and kissed his forehead with trembling lips. He didn't know if it was from the cold or from fear. The bond was still frozen and his love didn't even recognize him. This couldn't be real. Loki was so full of life, he was funny and sweet. Legolas tried to help him breathe and for a while he was afraid the asgardian was too far gone. He felt tears fall down his face when his love started calming down and the storm followed. He was surprised they didn't turn to ice when exposed to the air around them. Loki looked up again and his eyes were much clearer.
/Loki! Meleth nin! Can you hear me?!/
He was loosing him again, the mage's eyes slipped closed just as his ada let go of the barrier around them. The king was by their side in an instant, feeling at his love's wrist, for a pulse most likely and trying to feel his magic with his own.
/He is stable, exhausted but he should recover. He was in shock and scared and just... lost. He will be fine, Legolas. We should take him inside, he will be more comfortable in a bed./
The bond was recovering as well, the elf could feel his magic connecting with Loki's and for the first time since they met there was no wall between them. The mage's magic was intense, he could feel the celestial influence once the bond fully snapped back together. It was still a little cool but it felt more like hiding under the shadow of a tree from the smoldering heat of the summer sun than the unforgiving cold of Jotunheim.
/Ada... What if he does not remember me when he awakenes?/
/Than we deal with that when the time comes. Come, let us go inside./
Legolas took Loki into his arms and his love buried his face in his neck. It seemed that since the bond was back the magic was pulling them together again, it gave Legolas hope that everything will turn out fine. He watched as the blue skin turned pale and the silver markings faded, melting into the skin.
He was surprised when they were able to reach his rooms with no problem, it was like no one noticed anything happened at all. Though he probably shouldn't have been, if his ada's shields could protect their kingdom from Sauron for millennia, they could keep Loki's power conteined for a few minutes without letting the whole of Arda know.
He laid the mage carefully on the bed before turning to speak to the king, there was a guilty look on Thranduil's face and Legolas wondered if his ada blamed himself for what happened.
/Ada, this was not your fault./
/I should have been more careful, I could have prepared him better, made him slow down./
/That would have changed nothing. No matter how slow the shift, the result would have been the same. Odin's shortcomings are not your fault, ada. It is not your fault he failed to be honest with his son./
/I do not believe honesty had ever been his strong suit, even when Bor had been alive. I will send a healer to look over Loki, for my peace of mind./
/Thank you./
Once the king was gone Legolas got into bed and held his love close, if anything it had been his fault. He should have never left Loki to face such news on his own, he closed his eyes and prayed to the Valar that his love would remember him when he woke up. In that moment it didn't even matter that the Valar were gone.
/I love you, my beautiful dragon./
~~**~~
Loki woke up and wondered where there paintings on his ceiling had gone. It took him a couple of minutes to realize he was not in Asgard. A hand squeezing his own made him turn to his side. His first instinct when he saw the elf next to him was to pull away, he couldn't allow himself to hurt Legolas even more than he already had, but the elf's hold was too strong. He felt tears come to his eyes as he remembered what had transpired. He felt the elf try to soothe him through their bond and realized all his walls were down.
/I hurt you, I am a monster, you have to let me go!/
/You did not hurt me, meleth nin, and you are no monster. I have been so worried, the healers and ada told me you just needed rest but a part of me feared you would never wake up again./
Why would the elf worry about him? Legolas was the one who had been a step away from freezing to death! Loki was a monster... he was. Asgard may have been wrong about many things but Jotunheim had attacked Midgard, they had slaughtered innocent people. They were saveges!
/I am glad that skin is gone, you must have thought me so hideous! How can you even stand to touch me anymore?!/
He was outright crying when Legolas moved closer and kissed his hair. The mage started sobbing as the elf gently rubbed his back and held him. He could feel the warm magic of his beloved trying to soothe his own.
/You looked like the night sky, with starlight on your skin and fire in your eyes. Elves were born during an endless night, before the sun and before the moon. It is the stars we love the most and you were so beautiful.../
Beautiful?! The jotun were ugly, and disgusting. Sure as a ruler Odin could have treated them better, educated them, but that didn't mean he was wrong about what they were. Even Frigga agreed with her husband, though she had made an effort not to tell them stories about the jotun when they were young and now he knew why.
/I am a savage!/
Legolas didn't answer him, he said nothing until Loki stopped sobbing and struggling. In the end Loki realized the elf was not letting him leave no matter what, love had apparently turned him stupid and robbed him of his self perseveration instincts. Legolas let go and wiped his tears away once he calmed and Loki felt like crying all over again at the gentleness.
/You are jotun, one of the first races. Part of the first wave of celestial creation, just like the elves./
/Jotun are nothing like the elves, they are mindless beasts... What were the first races?/
He knew that the celestials had created the material world and all life in it. He knew some species venerated them as god's, and in a way they have been. But he had never heard of the creation having happened in waves so it must have been a classification rarely used.
/Celestials communicated with each other, learned from each other, that is why most planets are so alike. Same animals, same plants, some planets you can barely tell apart. The first races they created were made as similar to their own selves as they could, to the point that the babies those races made were pure magic at birth and only gained a body after. They interact with wild magic before they have a body so a connection forms. The first races had been pure magic before their bodies were built so they could enjoy the worlds celestial's made. Powerful, genderless, immortal... Some traits all of us share. Even when their bodies were made and some, like elves looked different from each other it was a superficial difference to them, it just meant they had more than one creator and they did not agree on what shape the race should take. Bodies are just a shell. Elves, dwarves, jotun, kree, skrull, dark elves... Out of all others, jotun evolved most like us, their culture is the most similar. There are still worlds beyond our reach though, we have yet to discover all populated planets of Ea so maybe one day we will find another even more similar./
That was interesting, so the elves and the kree and the jotun fell into the same category and yet he couldn't see how one of those races was anything like the other two. It also made sense why he had never been able to tell the difference between genders the same way aesir did. Sure he could see it, he wasn't blind but he never understood why looking different meant some of them could do things others shouldn't.
/What was the second wave?/
/Celestials found a way to create the soul and body at the same time. The baby is created within the mother and the two components bond before the birth and exposure to wild magic, making the shape of the body define who they are in a way we do not understand well. The man are such a race, though when they connected to the wild magic and became immortal, it created a shift between their souls and bodies. The next generation was born in the same manner as children of the first races. Aesir were part of the second wave. They have a harder time than most telling the soul apart from it's shell because the gestation period is so long./
That explained a lot about some cultures he had encountered, it also explained why the kree were believed to be so open minded with their own population in spite of their reputation as conquerers. Maybe they had a point when they said their way was better, after all there were always two sides to every story. As for the magic theory, he had never heard it before but it did make sense. If you already felt wild magic once, even as a baby, the connection came easier, whether you wanted to filter it or influence it. For someone who didn't know what to look for, even instinctively, it was much more difficult. Deaf people could understand music, they felt vibrations, but they would never hear it with the same way as other people. They could learn to dance though, if they tried hard enough.
/And their magic is weak because magic is the soul. If they can not tell it apart from the body they can not use it properly./
/Yes. There are sorcerers on Midgard who even though they are part of the second wave, learned to separate their bodies from their souls. They studied their own magic until they learned to properly use it. It broke the barrier, doing what few could and reaching levels of power far beyond those of sorcerers from races similar to their own./
Loki sighted as Legolas traced patterns on his hand. Maybe his reaction had been a little bit exaggerated, Legolas seemed to treat him no different and the elf claimed the jotun resembled his own race. The elf had yet to lie to him, maybe this was true as well. It wouldn't have been the first time Asgard twisted reality to fit what they wanted. Odin had done worse than declare a race beneath him.
/So technically speaking the two types of races are the same as far as souls go, the only difference is how they see the body. To the first wave, the body is a shell. To the second wave the body is equal to the soul, which is a mindset they can overcome. It is possible for them to look past the superficial differences of the body, be it gender or skin colour. So... the jotun are really not monsters?/
/Not unless you think elves are too. Our races had never been very close, surprisingly, because elves are not made to survive on Jotunheim and only those powerful enough to protect themselves with magic can stand it for more than a couple hours and jotun find Arda uncomfortable as well. We are on good terms thought, or at least we used to be before Odin happened./
Loki had never been there and his blood was probably why Odin never sent them there even when he suspected the jotun were causing him trouble, he usually just sent one of his generals, knowing that if he sent Thor, Loki would inevitably follow. He wondered if as a hybrid he would be able to survive there or if maybe that was the reason he was raised far away. He smiled at his beloved, happy that he was not going to lose the elf because of his genetics. He tried to push the feeling of love through the bond and let out a sigh of relief when Legolas answered in kind.
/You know a lot about the creation of Ea and other civilizations for someone who didn't travel outside Arda until a few millennia ago./
/When we first traveled in space, we encountered many species that fascinated us. Some because they were advanced technologically, such as the kree, some because they were skilled at magic. Some cultures were simply so foreign we just had to learn more. Finding Sauron's library showed us just how powerful knowledge can be, so we studied, reaserched... It helped us as well. It united us more, I believe./
/Were you not already united?/
The elf got a sad look on his face.
/No. We are still not, not really. Interspecies relationships of any kind, even of friendship, are still rare and races still live in their own kingdoms. We still do not mix much and there is still bad blood between some. We are at peace though and that is not going to change but the situation is not as great as outsiders believe./
Loki didn't think Legolas understood how much outsiders respected them for what they had managed to accomplish. It probably didn't look as impressive if you were there every step of the way.
/I don't think you realize how good what you described sounds to other people. Actual peace is something others can only dream of./
The elf looked ready to protest.
/Even the elves are divided. Ada is the high king and that is accepted by all. Everyone recognizes he earned it but there is still a rift between the noldor and the rest of us./
Legolas had told him about the noldor, told the ugly history but the elf had also told him Tilda was married to one and all the good they accomplished since the fall of Sauron.
/The kinslayers.../
/Not all of them, those people are long dead and their descendants should not have to pay for it. The truth is we will never be one nation but against the rest of Ea we will always be united./
Loki sighted. It seemed that everyone had problems no matter how good it looked from the outside. Maybe his problems were not as bad as he believed either. Being jotun was not so bad if Legolas was by his side while he figured it all out.
~~**~~
Legolas was so relieved when Loki woke up he didn't know if he should laugh or cry in happiness. It broke his heart the state his love was in though and wondered if it was even possible to hate someone more than he hated the king of Asgard. Hearing his Loki sob and feeling his body tremble filled him with such need for vengeance against the one who caused his beloved the pain. It was not fair that Loki had to pay for other people's stupidity. He put it out of his mind and tried not to show any negative emotions, the asgardian didn't need him to lose control as well.
He remembered how beautiful Loki had been when he found him in the storm. It reminded him of Jotunheim... of the endless night. Silver starlight and red moons. The mage had been so beautiful it took his breath away but he had had no time to focus on that. Loki had been hurting so he ignored everything else. To hear his love call himself hideous, under any circumstances, made him want to reap whoever put such nonsense into his head limb by limb.
It was a relief when Loki showed an interest in the waves of creation, focusing on explaining that helped him calm and he didn't have to focus as much magic on hiding from his love what he was truly feeling. He couldn't hide his sadness when the situation on Arda came up. It was a sore spot to him that even after so long there were people holding on to prejudices of the past but he knew there was little he could do about it. The elves of Rivendell and Lorien had little choice in being ruled by the noldor and some still resented the decisions their leaders took in the past without consideration to other lives. The noldor didn't help any, still stuck up as always and showing no sign of change. Even the other clans from Aman could barely stand some of them. And of course, there were the kingdoms of man, some of which still resented the ones who fought for Sauron. It mattered little why, Sauron had taken too much from too many people. The dwarves were united, true, but they had little patience for any man or elf and the hobbits mostly wanted to be left alone. So they had a council and were united, they had the same laws and agreed on decisions that concerned all of Arda but they were far from the perfect picture they showed Ea.
He coerced Loki into a bath once he was done explaining the political scene of Arda and slowly washed the mage, showing him just how much he loved him and telling him as well. It was only once that was done and they had some food too that he bought the subject of Loki's ancestry up again.
/We could talk to the healers. Honestly, we should have done that first. If you want to know in more detail what species you are./
/Your ada might know something as well./
/Probably. We should ask him to come. He blames himself for what happened./
/Well, it wasn't his fault so he should stop./
It didn't take long for them to reach the healing rooms. His ada was waiting for them, having already talked to the head healer and the process took a minute. They were left alone once they had the results.
As soon as everyone else left the room Loki pulled the king into a hug. He looked unsure at first as if he didn't know if he was allowed but relaxed once his ada squeezed him tightly.
/I am so sorry./
/Do not be, this is who I am. And I think I will be just fine./
The elf was glad his beloved had come to terms with himself, he had been a little worried that Loki might not be able to do that for a long time. His ada kissed his hair and Legolas could have sworn there were tears in his eyes.
/Whatever it is that you find out, wherever fate leads you from here, this will always be your home./
/Thank you but I don't think it will lead far away... Now, about those hereditary traits you told me about before we tried shifting, did you notice any?/
Loki pulled away and the elf could practically see the wheels turning into his head as he pouted at them.
/The bloodline making of the royal family of Jotunheim. There is also only one aesir with celestial blood I knew of but she might have had siblings. Your best bet is finding your jotun parent./
Legolas took the mage's hand into his own in support.
/They will not turn you away once you show them proof of being one of them and they know me, I will go with you when you are ready./
He watched Loki open the envelope the healer gave him and prayed it didn't hold any more surprises. They had enough excitement for a day.
~~**~~
Loki was thankful for the bath and he was no longer afraid of what the future held by the time Legolas recommended going to the healers for more answers.
He was anxious but he wanted the healer to leave too so he could be alone with Legolas and Thranduil. He only let himself hug Thranduil once the stranger was gone. He didn't want the king to blame himself but hadn't been sure if he should show such affection in public.
He was grateful when Legolas offered to go with him when he was ready to find his jotun family, he didn't think he could do it alone. He took a deep breath and squeezed his love's hand harder before he looked at the results. Regardless of what the future held, he was not going to face it alone.
~~**~~
Notes:
Romania is voting against corruption today. There is a poll literally asking if you are against the government messing up justice laws and another if you are against criminals getting away without punishment. I voted a few hours ago and hopefully the side of justice will win. Hopefully by tomorrow we will be one step closer to justice.
I don't know much about panic attacks or disassociation so do take it with a grain of salt.
Chapter 7: Ghosts
Summary:
Jotunheim. Wild magic sending a message. Loki finds out the truth.
Chapter Text
Jotunheim was dark and cold. Even though under his gloves and hood Loki hid blue and silver skin the strong wind Legolas was leading him through was uncomfortable. There were icy tiny blades trying to shreds them to pieces and he was thankful for the thick, elven enchanted leather armour that stood in their way. He looked ahead and shuddered at the thought that there could be miles for them to cover on foot until they reached life. He blinked away the ghost of a jotun kneeling by an alley, trying to coerce something to come to him. When he reopened his eyes they alley was nothing more than a few broken walls and there was no one there.
It took months of Loki living on Arda for him to be ready to find out the truth about his birth. Legolas had tried to be as supportive as possible but there was nothing he could have done to ease his pain but be there for him. It took weeks before he was ready to try shifting again and even longer for him to become comfortable with himself in that skin. When he was not training he dragged Legolas all over Arda, trying to learn as much as he could about life there. He visited kingdoms of man and kingdoms of dwarves. He definitely visited all elven kingdoms. He even visited the Shire twice. He started learning Sindarin and eleven magic, since he was part celestial it seemed that there was no magic he couldn't learn. Thranduil, who would allow no other to teach him despite always being so busy, was one of the best teachers he had ever had, the other being his mother. He met and trained with all of his love's friends, made friends of his own even, which might have been a first in his life. At times he even forgot why he was hurting, until he was left alone to his thoughts for a few moments and remembered. As much as he would have loved to stay on Arda forever he knew he couldn't avoid the truth forever, so he told Legolas he was ready to go to Jotunheim.
Loki had never been to the icy realm and Arda had lost contact with the jotun when Odin took over The Nine so Legolas opened the portal to what he remembered to be the edge of the capital. They had found nothing but ruins. What once had very clearly been a beautiful city was nothing more than a wasteland as far as the eyes could see. Loki had been able see the ghost of the past, tall buildings glistering in the moonlight, wide streets filled with people. Somewhere ahead of where they had landed he saw the remains of what could have been a park once, at least judging by the metal children playground that seemed to have somehow survived whatever had destroyed the rest of the city. He had had to blink away the vision of children playing there, laughing, though he hadn't heard anything but the whistle of the wind. As they walked closer he had realised that the fallen structures he had assumed were made of ice were actually some kind of glass or crystal. He saw a young couple in love, holding hands as they walked towards the park, they sat down on a bench overlooking some kind of monument and started talking animatedly about something, one of them gesturing so widely he almost hit himself in the face. He had been distracted by the illusion of some kind of pet running by, a tiny little girl running after it, she had been the first female that he had seen since they had landed so he froze for a second. By the time he had turned back the couple was gone, the bench was broken and the monument fallen. He hadn't had time to dwell on that before he saw someone wave right at him from the other side of the park, for a second he had almost believed him to be an actual living person but when he had turned around he saw another man, this one felt older, waving back. A father, something told him, meeting his son after work... Then there had been another jotun walking home from the market, hands full of fresh food... The vendors from the market making a fuss trying to attract costumers. In the middle, by what had surprisingly looked like a fountain, one that wasn't frozen, someone had been playing what looked like an instrument, he almost heard the beautiful melody being carried by the wind. There had been so many people, and they had looked so real, the asgardian had tempted to run his hand through them to see if they were solid... but he knew they would be gone when he blinked... and return when he blinked again.
They were dead, he had realised. Their souls had long since joined the wild magic around them and it had decided to show him their lives. Their moments of peace and joy. Those were not soldiers, they were not fighters. They had never harmed another, never tried to conquer anyone. And they were gone, because Odin had deemed so. Because he took away the heart of their world and sent them to damnation. He judged them unworthy... of joy, of life. Collateral demage in his rise to power, unimportant. Walking for hours didn't make them go away, even when the storm started.
Jotunheim was a dead man's world, it was broken. There were no prints of snow wolves. No sounds of the great dragons of old, strong and fierce, that jotun warriors of legends rode to battle long before even Bor's reign. No sign of great ferocious giant cats. No snakes with poison that froze blood in the veins. Even the wind was angry, raging, hungry for the blood of any outsider that dared step foot on its land, dared come to take more. Thranduil had told him of a different place, where ice drakes used to fly over the cities, their screeches echoing long after they were gone. Of creatures that could grow and shrink at will, predators more dangerous than any other. Beautiful too. Every time they trained the Elvenking would tell a different tale about the days of old. Even Frigga, when she knew no one else was listening, had told Loki and Thor about the ice lily's with their parfume, the most wonderful she had ever smelt... that she hadn't been able to find since she had been young. As a child the mage had dreamed of finding one such flower for her. They had described a fairy tale, a world of wonders. Only a spectre was left, silent and faded. All around him he saw only the dead, they were everywhere.
He had let his walls drop at some point, Thranduil had taught him how to build better shields around his magic so he wouldn't be so affected by the environment. He ability allowed him to feel all life around him, all magic, but letting the walls had done nothing. Jotunheim felt empty. He searched and probed, it was like there were cracks in the very wild magic around him. The planet itself was fading. When the celestial that had created the realm died creating the Casket, they had linked it to the magic of the world, making it stronger. They had bonded, became one, almost in the same way intended did, and could not survive apart, Jotunheim was a bird whose wings were cut and it was slowly bleeding to death.
/Meleth nin, are you alright? You looked lost again./
/Not lost, just wondering. I still don't feel life ahead./
/Do you want to return home?/
/Not yet, let's search for a few more hours./
He knew Legolas had been worried for him since they had reached Jotunheim and had grown even more worried when he had to shake Loki awake when he had become overwhelmed by the past. He had tried not to let it sweep him away from reality again. Legolas was leading them towards where the center of the city had been, but they had been walking for hours and had yet to see signs of life, he was starting to think that maybe there was none, maybe Odin actually got what he wanted and killed them all. Kept Loki as a trophy. They walked for a few more hours yet and Loki was about to give up, tired and worn, when he felt life ahead.
/I can see the palace. There is a wall around it that was not there the last time and guards at the gate./
He could feel the elf's relief reach him through their bond.
/So there are living jotun./
/You doubted it?/
/Yes. I was starting to./
The mage started walking towards the palace with renewed determination.
~~**~~
Legolas had used magic to coat his skin before he opened a portal to Jotunheim. He remembered the capital to be one of the largest cities he had ever seen, spread out and full of little pieces of nature. There wasn't much flora able to survive in the cold but the little they had was treasured and proudly displayed in their cities. The jotun had been a happy people, there had been so much noise when he had visited. Music, laughing, children playing... The first thing that registered was the silence, so quiet he could hear the wind blowing. The tall buildings surrounding the city had been designed and strategically placed to form a shield and absorb the power of the wind. It had stopped it from interfering with the every day life of the citizens. Jotun magic was as powerful as that of the elves, there was no way it was failing and letting the wind through. Jotunheim had always been cold, yes, but he had only felt the wind so harsh when he left the city borders to see the mountains. The jotun had warned him but he hasn't listened, he had never before that day experienced such cold. It was that realisation which made him look up to see there was no protection against the storm. The reason why it was so quiet was because the city was abandoned, the towers that had once filled him with wonder at their height were nothing more than shards on the ground. They had landed in a wasteland.
He turned to Loki to ask if they should search around but the words didn't get to leave his mouth. The mage was frozen, his eyes were focused, moving as if following something Legolas couldn't see. He didn't notice the elf approach him, didn't react when Legolas took his hand in his own. The elf had no idea what was going on but he knew his love was not in danger, he could feel no fear or distress through their bond, only grief. He started leading them both through the remains of the park and stopped whenever the asgardian did. It was only when it became apparent that his love was not shaking off what was happening to him that he became worried. He pushed his magic against the bond and shook the mage until he returned to him.
/Meleth nin, what is wrong?/
/Nothing. Just... the past not wanting me to forget they were here first./
/The past?/
How could the past do anything to the mage? The nostalgic look on Loki's face was heartbreaking. He wrapped his arms around him and hugged him, touching their foreheads together.
/Yes. The people no longer here... What do we do now? I can't feel any life around us./
Loki was so sensitive, the wild magic mush have been trying to tell him something.
/The palace is in the center of the city. If there is anyone left they will be there, it is what ada did when our kingdom started dying. He gathered all of our people in the one place he could protect./
/And you think Laufey did the same./
Laufey? Wasn't that the king's son? Legolas remembered him as a baby, tiny and loud, screaming until his ada paid attention to him.
/Laufey is the king now?/
The mage got a confused look on his face, as if he didn't understand what was going on in the elf's head.
/You didn't know? I thought you had been here before?/
/A lifetime ago it seems. The last time I came here it had been to congratulate his father on the birth of his heir./
They walked for hours after that until they finally reached the palace. Legolas had to reinforce the layer of magic to protect himself from the growing storm and at some point he had noticed that Loki shifted into his jotun skin.
The palace had lost most of it's grandeur but it was still standing. The moment they approached the gates guards appeared before them, tall as Legolas only knew they could become from stories.
/What business do you have here, elf?/
/We are here to see the king./
/The king is busy. Why don't you try going to Asgard with your problems?/
They were angry. Everyone in the Nine knew that his ada had been friends with the previous rulers of Asgard, they probably held him responsible for Odin. It didn't matter, he had no time to lose arguing with them, he took off his hood and allowed them to see him. They would have to forgive him for forcing their hand when they found out the reason for his visit.
/I am Legolas, son of Thranduil, heir of the elven throne. I ask for a meeting with king Laufey./
/Very well. I will see what I can do./
If they were shocked they didn't let it show. The guard gritted his teeth as he answered before turning around and going behind the walls. His partner stood there glaring at them.
~~**~~
Loki let Legolas talk to the guards once they reached the tall walls of the palace, his heart was in his throat as they were led to the king once the angry sentry returned. The asgardian hadn't expected such reaction towards the elf but if they blamed Thranduil for not stopping Odin it made sense.
Laufey had markings identical to his own, they shined in the light of Jotunheim's star lit sky and his red eyes looked dangerous mirrored by the two moons behind him. The king sat on a throne of ice, the buildings inside the walls were low and wide, not high enough to reach over the walls and clearly a few levels under the ground. So for some reasons they had started going downward instead.
There were ghost there as well, the old palace was an illusion over the one they had entered. Carved walls over simple ones and tall ceilings where there were none. Councillors were seeking advice from someone with the same markings as him and the king, there were sentinels surrounding them, one of them smiling at one of the servants setting food on a table... And then Laufey talked and Loki blinked and everything was gone, leaving an empty room behind. Bleak and cold and unwelcoming.
/Welcome, Legolas of the elven people! I have to say I am surprised to see your kind here. If Odin sent you go back and tell him Asgard and Jotunheim have no business with each other!/
/Odin did not send me. The last time Arda had contact with him he refused to stop his madness so we broke relations between our two people./
/And yet you didn't try to stop him as he slaughtered millions!/
Maybe if he knew less about Arda's situation Loki would have agreed with the jotun but he knew how hard they tried to help others. Thranduil was a good person but he was also responsible for his people and he had to put them first. Sometimes that meant putting others second. It was one of the reasons why Odin failed so badly as king, the only one he ever put first was himself.
/Peace has a price, at times it is cruel./
Angry as he was, Laufey didn't actually look unreasonable. He was definitely not the beast from the aesir stories.
/So tell me then, what brings you to our frozen lands?/
/I formed a bond, months ago. My intended is beautiful and kind and very skilled at magic. Ada felt something familiar about him, his ability to shift, and decided to teach him how to control it. It turns out he has jotun blood, and the markings of your bloodline./
/And where did you find this supposed relative of mine?/
/We met on Arda.../
Loki had never been impatient but being so close to the truth was taunting, not even the past was enough to distract him. The jotun had yet to pay any attention to him, probably assuming that he was some kind of guard, and being overlooked was kind of getting to him. Being a prince had made him an expert in political talk and standing by watching it happen while knowing things could be much easier was harder than expected so he did what his heart told him and not his head. He interrupted Legolas.
/I was raised on Asgard, as Odin's son, which I doubt I actually am./
He took off his hood and he could have sworn Laufey turned into a statue the moment he laid eyes on him. He stood up from his chair and shrunk in size, surprising Loki, who knew from Legolas that it was possible yet had never expected to witness it, to be trusted with such knowledge by the king himself. His hand felt warm on Loki's cheek, the mage didn't know if he should step away or let the king do as he wanted but there was a look in the older man's eyes that made him stay. The look of a haunted man that saw a ghost.
/I don't think he is your father either... You look so much like your mother./
/Do you know who my father is then?/
/Yes. Me. Your mother's name was Hela, she was Odin's daughter. I thought you both dead. I never even got to see you./
Loki lost the defiant look on his face and he watched as his love silently walked to them and took his hand. The frost giant guards that bought them before the king were frozen in shock and Laufey was awfully calm for someone claiming to have just met the son he had thought dead. There were so many things going through the mages head, all the things Asgard told him about the jotun and all the things Arda did fighting to reach the surface in his memory. Maybe it was time to get a different side to the Allfather's story.
/What happened?/
/At some point Odin got scared Hela was going to take his place so he locked her up. It took her years to escape but it gave her time to think her life through. She approached me with an alliance proposal, she wanted to end her father's reign and free the Nine, I had the army she had the knowledge. The bond formed slowly, by the time we saw it coming we were already in love. We decided not to wait to complete the bond and a baby was soon on the way. She was ecstatic about being a mother, she had loved Gaia, her own mother, so much. She stayed behind while I went to face Odin... I failed and by the time I returned home the Casket was gone. My wife and child too... he got here before me. I couldn't feel her through the bond so I was convinced he killed you both./
/If I am alive she might be as well./
Odin had not killed him and Hela had been his daughter he had probably imprisoned her again. Would she love him if he ever found her? Laufey's face told him the king was not so confident his wife was alive.
/Maybe.../
Laufey started leading them away from the throne room to a small sitting room behind it, Loki only noticed the long black hair of a ghost sitting by the throne as they walked by it and the shadow of a smile. He turned around to see her better but she was gone. His heart stopped for a moment. The ghosts stopped after that, magic had delivered it's message... he was too late.
~~**~~
Once it was clear Odin hadn't sent them Laufey relaxed, they stayed formal but Legoas and Loki were no longer unwelcome. The mage surprised him when he interrupted but the elf was just happy his love found his ada. The royal family used to be large, he remembered there being so many of them at the palace for the celebration that he was surprised they found who they were looking for so easily. Hela being Loki's mother only confirmed his suspicions.
He saw the mage stop and turn back as they passed by the throne, he felt the deep sorrow through their bond. The rage. He wanted to ask what happened but before he could it was gone and Loki was at his side again, a smile on his face that didn't reach his eyes.
/It is alright, love. The ghosts were just saying goodbye./
The elf didn't answer, he knew when his love was ready to talk he would. They went to a different room and he watched the mage bond with his ada. Legolas wondered if they were ever going to find Hela or if maybe she was one of the ghosts Loki saw.
~~**~~
The sitting room was tiny, just a few seats covered in furs. They were served with dried meats, Loki only took one. He had seen the state the planet was in, he couldn't risk that being all the food they could spare.
/What did he name you?/
The king... his father, startled him. He hadn't even realised he never introduced himself.
/Loki./
/At least that he did right. Loki was Gaia's brother. Hela loved learning magic from him when she was young./
/She's dead, isn't she?/
/You saw her... I heard you mention ghosts. You have her gift./
/I only saw a glimpse.../
He wished he had seen more. Did he really look that much like her? Was she as beautiful as he was told? He felt Legolas squeeze his hand and returned the gesture. He felt love coming through their bond and a feeling of calmness.
/She was sensitive to magic as well. She told me once that they haunt her, that the dead demand justice and won't rest until she delivers it and our world is whole again./
/They were memories of Jotunheim as it used to be, I think magic was just trying to show me how Jotunheim looked when the Casket was here so I would bring her back but they are gone now. I wish I could give it what it wants but stealing it from Odin's vault would do nothing but cause more death. He would know exactly where to look for it and it doesn't look like you would survive another war against Asgard./
/You would be surprised by what we can still do. The capital isn't the only settlement left, there are more of us than you think. There are ice drakes still surviving in the mountains and snakes underground. Until the last living creature is gone we will fight! You are right though, unecesary death is not something I want. We can survive like this, one day the time will come for us to thrive again... Let us talk about something less depressing, if you continue frowning much longer your face is going to get stuck that way./
They talked about family after that, and all the adventures Loki would have had as a child growing up on Jotunheim and the ones he did have traveling Ea. A spark was starting to show in Laufey's eyes, as if there was hope in him for the first time in centuries. For one brief moment after the healers of Arda gave him the test results he had believed his parents hadn't wanted him. It appeared they did, and it made a knot he hasn't realized resided in his stomach unravel. Hela wasn't on a quiet planet and she didn't have three children but she had one. And she had loved him very much. And Thor was not his brother but they were blood and that was enough. And Loki finally had a father that cared. Facing ghosts was worth it after all.
They stayed on Jotunheim for a few more days and the mage tried to learn as much as he could about what was now his people too. Legolas had been right, jotun and elves were similar. He was glad to see the elf negotiate with Laufey, it seemed life would get a little easier for the frost giants at least.
It was the day they were supposed to leave that Loki made a decision and opened a portal to Nifleheim instead of Arda. Laufey had told him it was most likely where the Allfather had sent Hela.
/Meleth nin, are you sure?/
/Yes./
He turned from his love to his father. They still had so much to say to each other but it would have to wait for the next visit.
/I need to see for myself./
/I know. I can sometimes feel her in the air. I hope what you find will not haunt you forever./
/I'm not afraid of ghosts anymore.../
He didn't look back as he stepped through, Legolas would be right behind, he knew.
~~**~~
Legolas was happy to see Loki and Laufey get along, he knew it could not be easy for either of them to open up. He gave them as much time to themselves as he could and focused on finding a way to help the jotun instead.
Once they were convinced he was not the enemy a few of them agreed to talk to him and he realised their biggest problem was the lack of food. What they did have to trade though was high quality crystal they made using their magic. It was far more difficult than manipulating ice but they could trade it with Arda for supplies, the elf knew the pieces would be appreciated by the noldor and the dwarves in particular.
He joined the hunting party one day and learned that his arrows were not of much use against such snow storm regardless of their enchantments and learned also how to properly use a spear, according to his companions.
When time came to leave he was surprised to see Loki open a portal to a barren planet, though he knew exactly where it was. He hoped the mage was ready for what he was about to find there. Laufey grabbed his arm before he could follow.
/I loved my wife and son more than you know. When I found them gone it broke me but I had a duty, I survived. I knew if she was alive she would find her way to me and I never even thought for a second he might be alive alone out there. I was convinced Odin had either killed them both for staining his bloodline or they had died alone in the wild trying to run. Our bond was never as strong as others and I stopped feeling her when she was behind the shields of her prison, I had no way of looking for her with the Casket gone. I didn't even know if my son took his first breath or if he got to them before he was even born. Now by some miracle I have him back. Thank you./
/Do not thank me, it is his own strength that bought him here./
/What he finds on Nifleheim will bring him no joy. Do not let the ghost of past haunt him, he has so much ahead to live for./
/He will./
As he stepped through the portal as well he sent a wave of warmth through the bond. Whatever they would find he was going to be there for Loki when they did. He wasn't afraid of ghosts either, they would not take his love from him.
~~**~~
Notes:
By my calculations there will be 5 more chapters but it isn't set in stone. 😁 I can't wait to write the rest of this story, every time I start a new chapter my heart does this funny thing, I think it's trying to leap out of my chest and join Loki in my story to give him a big hug.
Chapter 8: Asgard
Summary:
There are a few deep talks and Loki finally returns to Asgard.
Chapter Text
Legolas sat down next to his ada and sipped his wine. His eyes were stinging from too much reading. He wished there was a way to convince Loki to stop working and join them, he was starting to get really worried for his love.
/He has not stopped reading since he came back from Niflheim and he refuses to talk about what he found there. The only thing he told me is that Hela is dead. I wish there was something I could do./
/Be there for him. When he needs you, be there./
/I feel useless, Ada. The only thing stopping me from going to Asgard and doing something I definitely would not regret is knowing that in spite of everything Loki would not want that. How can someone do this to their own family?!/
Legolas understood why Loki wouldn't want him to start a war with Asgard, even if it also meant making Odin pay for what he did. Innocent people would be forced to fight and while aesir were not perfect it wasn't their fault but that of their education. They really didn't know any better. Arda's army was capable of crushing any other like an annoying little bug, there was a reason they were feared. Even the larger empires stayed out of their way so Asgard would really not stand a chance... even if all Nine united against them. Thor or Frigga would seek revenge for Odin's death and too many would follow him to his grave as a result. He was bought back to reality by his ada refilling his wine.
/I knew Odin's parents, knew his grandparents, I can even say I watched him grow up... There were signs as he got older but nothing his ada tried worked. Some people are just not willing to change./
He could see regret on the king's face. Was he feeling responsible for everything? He had known Odin since he was a baby, had watched him grow and learn, maybe even taught him a trick or two when it came to fighting. He had tried to help when Odin took the throne though his advice fell on deaf ears. He couldn't stop the fall of Asgard and at one point he stopped trying to. He hadn't visited or tried to contact anyone since the time he met Hela. But Legolas knew it wasn't because his ada was a coward, he did what was right for Arda. Regardless of his own feelings he was still the Elvenking and his people had to come first. Getting involved in Asgard's problems would have sent the message that they were not neutral anymore and while they could destroy any army it didn't mean there would be no casualties. He sighed, leaning his head on the back of his seat.
/I think Loki is trying to find ways to change things in Asgard, in honor of Hela and Gaia. Convincing Odin to allow his people outside of the Nine again seems first on the very long list. He believes that even if they will not find out the truth, and seeing as no one talks about the Nine anymore they really will not, at least they will see different ways of life and maybe it will become harder for Odin to impose his own beliefs on them... Or maybe he is just trying to forget everything by working himself to death. I would not know, he barely talks to me anymore./
/He will succeed in changing Asgard though it may take time. I look forward to seeing the old city again. Loki reminds me of Buri, he used to tell me of all the dreams he had for that place, I have no doubt they will all come true one day, his great great grandson will make it so. If only he were here to see it./
/You really believe in him.../
Even Legolas had doubts at times. Not that he didn't believe in Loki, but Odin had never been a reasonable person. No matter what Loki found there was a chance the king of Asgard would completely ignored it with no explanation. His ada, though, looked like he had no doubt the mage would find a way to get what he wanted, no matter how long it took.
/Yes. You found a wonderful man Legolas, I could not have wished for better for you. He loves you very much and I know you love him as well./
/Ada.../
/I am no stupid, you know. I know your sister has no place for another in her heart. Nor does she have any desire to raise a child on her own. And you were losing hope, it made me wonder at times if maybe you were right and you really were meant to be alone. I just want the two of you to be happy, loneliness is most painful. I am very glad, though, that your intended is someone I do not have to pretend to like./
His ada had been lonely for so long before meeting his naneth, what had he been through to consider such a fate so terrible? Legolas moved closer to his ada, taking hold of a slender hand and giving it a soft squeeze.
/You would have done that? Pretended to like him for millennia for me, if I was bonded to a fool?/
/Yes, for eternity if I had to. I made a mistake, Legolas, when I refused to give Kili a chance, that I will regret as long as I live./
/That was not your fault!/
They had been the ones at fault, if anyone was. How could they have been so blind to his pain, his suffering?! All they did was make a bad situation worse...
/Maybe not but I could have stopped it. I have failed Tauriel, no matter what both of you say./
/One day we will make you see that you have not./
As his ada pulled him close into a hug, he wondered if maybe that was why Loki was working so hard. Was he blaming himself for Asgard's situation for some insane reason? Did he believe he was solely responsible for fixing it? Legolas really hoped the mage would stop being so hard on himself.
~~**~~
Loki closed the last book with a sigh. He had read the entire section Arda had on intergalactic relations and still had no idea how he would even begun to make it possible for aesir to travel again. Mostly because he didn't know if he could face Odin and remain calm. He rubbed his eyes and sighed.
He couldn't even think of Niflheim without feeling his blood boil in his veins and seeing as he turned out to be half jotun that was not an easy feat. He felt like the very sight of his so called father would make him go mad. He had been such a fool to believe that there was even a pinch of compassion in the old man. The mage leaned his head on the table, defeated, when he heard someone pull the chair next to him and sit down.
/You need rest, Loki. You are driving my brother mad with worry./
Legolas had left awhile ago though Loki was grateful his love had lasted as long as he had. The elf was not the kind to sit in a library for so long. He turned his head towards Tauriel, leaving it on the table still.
/I am fine./
/You are exhausted, you mean to say. You do not sleep. Or eat, for that matter. You look like you will drop any moment. We both know this is not about Asgard. At least not entirely./
/I can not have this conversation right now. Just... go./
She didn't go, though. She pursed her lips for a second before talking again. His head was begging to throb, he sat up slowly and when she spoke again it was in a lowered voice. His discomfort was clearly showing, maybe not eating for so long wasn't such a good idea.
/I do not remember my biological parents, you know? Ada raised me as his own, never loved me any less than he did Legolas./
Yet Odin was not Thranduil and there was simply no way for Tauriel to understand the way he felt. He had always known he was different. He had accepted Odin's feelings, or lack of them, towards him long ago. He knew where he stood with the Allfather. He no longer knew where he stood with Frigga anymore, though. Because she was not his mother, was she? His mother was dead. Odin killed her.
/Well, not all of us were so lucky!/
/Is that so? Did Frigga love you less than Thor? Are you under the illusion that she does not know she did not in fact give birth to you? Does Thor not love you as his brother? You think him so close minded he would love you less if he knew the truth? Maybe he even knows, how could you tell?!/
He should have known she would figure it out. Unlike Legolas that was content to stand by his side and wait for him to talk or Thranduil who would sometimes try to drag him outside for magic lessons, Tauriel was not afraid to push. She was more blunt than the rest of her family and it seemed also the only one not under the impression he would break if she forced him to face the truth. He covered his forehead with a cool hand. His head felt like it was trying to split in half.
/It is not the same.../
/Odin does not control your life. He can not stop them from loving you, just as I know you still love them./
/She never told me anything!/
And as Tauriel said herself, Frigga had to have known. He was angry and hurt, he could feel tears in his eyes and feel the air growing colder. Frost cover the table where his fingers touched. Tauriel didn't seem fazed, she just laid her own warmer hand over his and smiled sadly.
/Parents are people too. They do not always make the right choice. You need closure. You need to see them again to understand that nothing has changed between the three of you. Do not let him control your life./
/I can not go back there alone.../
He blinked back the tears that were threatening to fall on his cheeks.
/So take Legolas with you! Make him change his appearance and tell people he is a friend. By the Valar, hide him in your room if it will make you feel better, just stop killing yourself over this or he will start a war with Asgard if you do!/
Imagining Legolas stuck in his rooms in Asgard with only the lurid decoration for company bought a smile to his face. A war tough, he didn't think Legolas would risk Arda's peace for him.
/What?/
/He loves you, he would do anything for you, Loki. Ada would do anything for you. I would do anything for you! And it hurts that you would let that creature that calls himself aesir turn you into a shell of a person!/
He couldn't not be affected by Odin. Try as he might he could not get that headstone out of his head, the message on it. The fact that all that was left of Hela was dust, he didn't even know what she looked like. Thranduil and Laufey said he looked a lot like her, but he was never going to know, was he?
/I want to kill him! Rip his limbs off and set them on fire! She's dead because of him! My mother's dead because of him!/
/I am sorry. I am sorry./
Tauriel hugged him and he laid his forehead on her shoulder. Her leather armor was cool and soothing.
/What are you sorry for? You did not do anything... I know I need to go back there. Face my demons and all that but I-I-/
He couldn't finish the sentence. He was afraid. He was terrified. The kind of fear that froze him. Everything was fuzzy in his brain. He wanted Thor and Frigga but couldn't face Odin. He didn't want to go to Asgard and yet for the first time it felt like home. It was supposed to be his home and Odin took it away from him! It was the place Hela had loved so much, where she grew up. The place that she had called home. It was the place his grandmother had created, had made from nothing. Her magic was in every speck of dust in Asgard and yet Loki had never felt like he belonged there. The place that he should have inherited if life was fair, but it never was. It was where Frigga was. And Loki hated her... She lied to him! But he loved her too because she had raised him and taught him and loved him so, so much. And he missed her. But Asgard was not home. Could never be home because HE was there. And Loki both hated and loved that place.
/You are scared and that is perfectly fine. Loki, if you want to stay here for the rest of your life, remain on Arda and never step a foot out of here you can. If you want to travel the galaxy, you can. If you want to go and destroy him and piss on his corpse, we will be right there with you. If war is what you want my brother will find a way, he has experience./
He snorted at that, he wanted to laugh and cry at the same time. Gimli had told him stories of the Fellowship of the ring, he knew exactly what kind of experience Legolas had. He treated battles like games and if anything, it would definitely piss Odin off not being taken seriously.
/I do not want to hide. I definitely do not want war. ... I miss Thor./
So very much. He wanted his older brother to hug him and make it all go away, like he made all the hurts go away when they were young. Because if he was sure of one thing, it was that Thor would always be his brother and Loki was always going to love him. Thor might not be the smartest or the most powerful person he knew, but he was perceptive and kind and could be surprisingly gentle. When Thor hugged him, Loki felt safe...
/If I was you, I would miss my older brother too. You should go see him./
/I will take Legolas with me./
/Good. He would have come anyway./
The mage smiled in her shoulder. Yes he would. He would follow Loki to the end of the world. Maybe he could do this, he could do this. Because he wasn't alone.
~~**~~
Legolas found Loki in bed when he returned to their room, there was an empty plate on the table and his hair was still damp from the shower. He sat on the bed as quietly as he could and ran a gentle hand through the black curls. A knot formed in his throat even as a weight lifted from his shoulders. He laid down next to his love, careful not to wake him and kissed his forehead. In his mind he thanked the Valar, for he had no idea who else could be responsible for finally making the mage rest.
It was morning by the time Loki stirred, he had slept for hours. There had been a few instances when the elf thought he would wake, he had moved and whimpered and Legolas did his best to soothe him but this time he didn't seem to have a nightmare, he was just waking up.
/Good mornin, meleth nin./
The mage kept his eyes closed and clenched his hands in fists.
/I am sorry./
Legolas didn't want him to be sorry, he wasn't angry, not at Loki anyway, though He had just been worried. But Loki had eaten, and showered and slept so while the elf knew that not everything was perfect again things were getting better. As long as the mage was healthy and safe and happy he didn't need more. He gently touched the mage's cheek and and leaned in for a soft kiss.
/I love you, meleth nin, you never have to be sorry./
/I want you to come with me./
The mage had his eyes closed but Legolas could see no distress on his face. Whatever had happened after he had left the library had helped make Loki come to terms with the situation and while going to Asgard was not going to be easy Legolas didn't think he was going to have a breakdown either.
/Then I will./
/I will still find a way for aesir to leave the Nine Realm, but maybe not just yet./
Legolas knew he would, he was just glad he was not going to die of exhaustion by the time he did. He bought the mage closer in his arms and ran his hand up and down his back in comfort.
/I have no doubt./
/Good./
They left for Asgard the next day, Loki having already decided that Legolas could spend their time there hiding in his room. The elf shook his head, he had the feeling it hadn't been the Valar that helped Loki, but Tauriel, and she couldn't miss the opportunity to mess with her older brother.
Loki opened the portal directly inside the rooms and the elf looked around while his love found a change of clothes. There was a big bed with extravagant linen which was expected, and an entire library too. There were books on shelves, books on the table, there were even books on the floor. If he didn't know any better Legolas would have thought the mage simply put a bed in the library. What was surprising was the gold, though. The decorations. The table. The chair. Even the bed was made of gold.
/I wonder if too much gold can hurt your eyes./
He turned around when he heard the melodious laugh of his beloved. Loki was wearing clothes similar to the ones he had when they met, except there was jewelry on them, it was the only way he could describe it. Legolas didn't understand, why would someone put pieces of metal on their clothes if they were useless as far as armour was concerned?
/If that were true, the whole of Asgard would be blind. You should really look out the window, just make sure no one sees you./
Legolas walked to him and kissed him gently. Even hugging the mage was uncomfortable with all that stiff, layered leather. There was a distant look in those green eyes when he pulled back that made him not want to let his beloved leave the room at all.
/I can come with you, you know. We can tell Odin we met in Xandar and it was love at first sight or something. The look on his face would be priceless./
Loki gave him a small smile for the joke but shook his head slowly.
/That would truly be a sight but I can not let you do that. I will be fine... Though I am sure I will be in need of comfort when I return and there is a big bed right there./
/As soon as I make space for myself between all those books./
Legolas smirked at the indignant look sent his way. The mage hit him on his arm with a pout on his face, he was so adorable the elf couldn't stop himself from laughing a little. He had known Loki loved reading but he hadn't thought he loved it that much.
/Some of use use our brains! It is not my fault you chose to let yours rot while swinging your weapons around like a midgardian! Honestly, I do not even know how you are your ada's son!/
/Go use your brain then. This limited savage will wait for you in that comfy nest over there./
They both giggled, trying to calm down, before Loki stepped out of his arms. He watched Loki take a few deep breaths before he walked out so the elf turned to the windows. Magic might not have been his specialty but he knew enough to make himself unseen while standing behind the tall glass.
The first thing he noticed was that the room he was in was somewhere high in the castle because he could see the whole city from it. The windows led to a balcony but he didn't want to cause Loki trouble by being found out so he stayed inside. Legolas tried to recall the old Asgard and overlap it on the sight before him though he had not been as fond of The Nine as his ada and as a result was not as attached to the history and magic of the place, it was still disheartening to see what laid before him. How could Loki fix something that wasn't broken, but completely replaced? It looked like a different world. Legolas remembered the sparkling water, the giant serpents that would break the surface every now and then. The forests far away, a green that would remind him of home whenever he visited. And the city... It used to be alive, now it was just blinding. He could spot no newly discovered technology, no magic used by the people walking the busy streets. The last time he had been there Asgard was a planet at the peak of it's potential and yet climbing higher. They were, quite literally at that point, learning to fly, and very proud of their spaceships. Aesir dreamed of one day using them to travel just as fast as the Bridge. Legolas had found that determination amusing. None of that was true now, if anything they seemed to have gone backwards. The elf knew, also, that there was no gold in Asgard. They used to have many kinds of precious stones in mines beyond the sea but not any gold. And yet the city seemed to be made of it. There was no question as to where the gold had come from and it was no wonder the vanir were so angry. Regardless of all that, Legolas did remember the Asgard of old and, much like his ada would very much like to see it again. He would do his best to support Loki's dreams and ensure his beautiful mage would reach his goal of making his home world something to be proud of again.
He turned away from the window with a sigh, and made his way around the room, piling the books neatly against one wall. Whoever had been caring for the prince's chambers had been unwilling to move anything from the way Loki left it. He was just about finished tidying up when he noticed it. He could feel his lover's magic on the floor in the corner of the room, he could recognize Loki's work anywhere, though it was far from the refined techniques he knew the mage to use. It wasn't hard to pry the piece of wood loose and find the hidden treasure, Legolas remembered his love telling him of a childhood hiding space. There were fewer things inside than the elf would have expected and the only one that was eye catching was an old leather bound book with silver edges. The elf took it out and fixed the floor and spell before settling down on the bed to read, half his mind on the book, half on the bond. Ready to act at a moment's notice should he feel real distress from his love.
~~**~~
The halls were deserted as Loki walked towards the dining room. He knew it was almost dinner time and he couldn't decide if it was better that he arrived then or not. Frigga and Thor were bound to be there but so was Odin, he just hoped the presence of the queen and of his brother would be enough to keep him calm. He focused on his bond with Legolas and tried to use the steady calm presence of his love as an anchor.
When he walked into the room everyone was already seated though the food was not yet served. The dreaded sight of Odin bought no emotion out of him. Apparently he had spent so much time imagining it, the moment he would have to face the monster, that when it actually happened he was too emotionally exhausted. Oh, he was still angry, a storm raging inside, but the urge to do something stupid was gone. He was going to make Odin pay but he would bide his time.
/Loki!/
The first one to notice his entrance was Frigga, which was not surprising, she had always been perceptive and her strong magic would surely make her aware of his proximity. He almost flinched away from her hug before he forced himself to hold still. Her magic, not as vast as he had once believed, but still as warm and comforting, enveloped him just as tightly as her thin arms. Loki had long grown much taller and stronger than she was but she never failed to make him feel safe. For the first time in months, since that moment when he lost control and almost froze Eryn Lasgalen, Loki felt his worries concerning Frigga leave him. It turned out Tauriel was right, Frigga didn't need to be the one who birthed him to love him, and whatever it would turn out she knew, he would never be able to hate the woman that raised him with so much care.
/Mother./
/Oh, how we have missed you! You should come home more often! Have you lost weight, sweetheart? Are you not eating well?/
/You know how I am, I find a good book and it takes a bilgesnipe running through the library to get me out of it./
Thor and his friends burst out laughing at his joke while his mother fussed over him, making him sit next to her and asking all kinds of questions about what kept him away for so long. He told her he found a wonderful mentor on a more secluded planet and he chose to stay there awhile. He avoided using names and giving details but promised to show her some healing tricks once he had some time to rest. His worry about Odin or one of the nobles present recognizing anything from his story was unfounded as they didn't even seem to acknowledge his presence. The king gave him a look and then proceeded to ignore him as he had done all his life, probably satisfied that Loki looked to be still whole for him to use when he felt like making a move against Jotunheim. At least Loki suspected that was why he was kept alive and relatively safe and sound instead of being killed or locked away somewhere to rot like Hela had been.
The food came soon after and he didn't have time to talk to his brother beyond a small nod but they gathered around the fire once dinner was done. His mother giving him a small kiss on his cheek and promising to make some time for them in the healing rooms the next morning before departing with her king. They were barely out the door when he felt Thor try to squeeze him to death.
/Let go, you oaf!/
/But brother, you haven't been home in so long we were worried some book ate you!/
/That, or you managed to screw up a spell so badly you offed yourself. If only we were so lucky./
/It's good to see you too, Fandral./
They sat around the fire and he listened as his brother spun tales of the glorious battle he missed, he felt something pull at his heart at Thor's obliviousness. He loved his brother dearly, and always would, it seemed, if he had not stopped yet, but sometimes the blonde could be such a fool. How could he make the idiot see what was actually happening around him? That the people he was so proud of defeating only wanted to be free and were willing to die for it? He felt someone sit next to him and was startled. Thor's friends were not as bad as when they were children but they still avoided him when they could.
/You shouldn't have stayed away for so long. He was ready to come for you, you know?/
/Sif. You look well./
/He wanted to come looking for you. He went to the king and everything, we could hear the yelling all the way here. The only reason he wasn't punished was because your mother intervened./
She looked angry at him and Loki could understand, he shuddered to think of what the Odin would have done. It made him appreciate Frigga even more for protecting them their entire lives. What had she endured to make sure they would never have to feel the wrath of that monster?
/I was not away for that long./
/You were. All joking aside he really believed you dead, Loki. We all did./
/I.../
He didn't know what to say to that. So much had happened for him in the time he was away, he never stopped to think of the ones he left behind and what they were thinking. It made him feel guilty for hurting them, something he didn't think he would ever feel again after finding out the truth of his birth.
/Look, I don't know what happened. I know you won't tell me. Just know that he cares. Don't do this to him again!/
Her glare threatened to set him on fire as she sat up to walk away again. The other's hadn't even noticed their conversation, too busy trying to impress upon him how they slayed some dangerous creature on Vanaheim. In the past Loki hadn't thought much of Sif. Had always considered her just another of Thor's moronic friends but there was a look in her eyes that Loki knew well now. He had seen it before. In Tauriel's. In Sigid's. And Tilda's. In Eowyn's more than most. And Arwen's. He remembered their strength and determination, the trials Arwen and Eowyn had to endure to be taken seriously and not be seen as some mindless creatures only good for birthing children. He thought of how good Frigga was with a knife and yet was always overlooked and treated as weak because she was born female. And Sif, so much better a warrior than all her three male counterparts put together, was never seen as good enough. And yet she was the only one who had the courage to come to him and tell him the truth. She didn't owe him anything, nor his brother. He caught her wrist, stopping her.
/Sif... you will make a great warrior one day, you really, really will./
/I know, idiot!/
Loki had to admit that if he had to choose one of Thor's friends he would not mind spending more time with it would be her. She clearly cared deeply for the blond warrior and if the moron ever realized and it grew into more Loki would have to admit he wouldn't mind much. Asgard was going to need a strong, open minded queen one day and Sif was turning out to be both of those. Sure, she had her faults, and as a child had been truly obnoxious, but in the end she turned out well.
/I will find a way to keep in contact. Promise to watch over the moron for me when I'm not here, will you?/
/Don't I always?/
She sat down next to him after that, and Thor smiled when he realized they were talking even if it meant they were not paying any attention to him. When his brother sat on the other side of him and pulled him closer, Loki truly relaxed. Asgard was not that bad, and one day it would be better. They would make it better... And more important than that, once they were done for the night, he knew there was a beautiful elf waiting for him in his room. And that, was going to be really, really fun. After all, he did love mischief.
~~**~~
Notes:
I can't believe I finally finished this chapter. I originally started writing this on 28 of July so it took me a long long time. Not my best work but I finished it. Hopefully now that I started writing more again I will not go so long between chapters next time. Hope you enjoy.
PotionsChaos on Chapter 1 Sun 03 Mar 2019 12:29AM UTC
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IsilmeLasgalen on Chapter 1 Sun 03 Mar 2019 02:53PM UTC
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Starwinterbutterfly on Chapter 1 Sun 14 Jul 2019 05:01PM UTC
Last Edited Sun 14 Jul 2019 05:02PM UTC
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IsilmeLasgalen on Chapter 1 Sun 14 Jul 2019 09:08PM UTC
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Nims (Guest) on Chapter 1 Tue 24 Nov 2020 08:59PM UTC
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IsilmeLasgalen on Chapter 1 Sat 25 Feb 2023 07:28PM UTC
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PotionsChaos on Chapter 2 Sat 16 Mar 2019 09:31PM UTC
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IsilmeLasgalen on Chapter 2 Sat 16 Mar 2019 09:44PM UTC
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WanderingZigzag on Chapter 2 Mon 18 Mar 2019 12:04AM UTC
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IsilmeLasgalen on Chapter 2 Mon 18 Mar 2019 08:19AM UTC
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DragonlessDragon (Guest) on Chapter 2 Tue 22 Oct 2019 02:23AM UTC
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IsilmeLasgalen on Chapter 2 Tue 22 Oct 2019 07:52PM UTC
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PotionsChaos on Chapter 3 Sat 23 Mar 2019 11:43PM UTC
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IsilmeLasgalen on Chapter 3 Sun 24 Mar 2019 08:33AM UTC
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WanderingZigzag on Chapter 3 Sun 24 Mar 2019 02:00AM UTC
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IsilmeLasgalen on Chapter 3 Sun 24 Mar 2019 08:36AM UTC
Last Edited Sun 24 Mar 2019 08:40AM UTC
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PotionsChaos on Chapter 4 Sun 31 Mar 2019 12:43AM UTC
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IsilmeLasgalen on Chapter 4 Sun 31 Mar 2019 06:39AM UTC
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BaggySweatersAreEverything (Guest) on Chapter 4 Sun 28 Apr 2019 03:40PM UTC
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IsilmeLasgalen on Chapter 4 Sun 28 Apr 2019 04:28PM UTC
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Snow_Nightshade on Chapter 5 Sun 12 May 2019 02:19PM UTC
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IsilmeLasgalen on Chapter 5 Sun 12 May 2019 03:14PM UTC
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PotionsChaos on Chapter 5 Mon 13 May 2019 07:57AM UTC
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IsilmeLasgalen on Chapter 5 Mon 13 May 2019 01:34PM UTC
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DragonlessDragon (Guest) on Chapter 5 Thu 24 Oct 2019 07:38AM UTC
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IsilmeLasgalen on Chapter 5 Sat 25 Feb 2023 07:29PM UTC
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PotionsChaos on Chapter 6 Sun 26 May 2019 08:48PM UTC
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IsilmeLasgalen on Chapter 6 Mon 27 May 2019 04:23AM UTC
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DragonlessDragon (Guest) on Chapter 6 Thu 24 Oct 2019 11:23AM UTC
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IsilmeLasgalen on Chapter 6 Sat 25 Feb 2023 07:31PM UTC
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Nyx_Wolfsbane on Chapter 8 Wed 18 Nov 2020 09:54AM UTC
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IsilmeLasgalen on Chapter 8 Sat 25 Feb 2023 07:32PM UTC
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