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I look at myself in the mirror and I only see the imperfections of the tough moments.
I look at myself in the mirror and deep inside and the only things I can see is emptiness.
I look at myself in the mirror and I can barely stand to look at my own reflection while I undress, because today is one of those days where I hate myself and it’s actually much worse than pain.
I try and focus to don’t think so much.
And I try, and try, and try and focus on what I can control, but I feel I can’t really do too much, because my mind starts to drift and I fall down in a hole of negative thoughts
So I just look down at my feet, taking deep breath, trying to just hold it all back together to not lose myself in a loop where I feel nothing for a few moments, days, or weeks.
“Good morning, babe”
I feel as two freckled arms slip around my waist, hugging me from behind, and I feel as she leaves a trail of kisses along my jawline and down my neck and I want to feel her properly, because somehow her delicate fingers intertwined around my body make me feel safe, relaxed, calm.
“You were waiting to shower with me?”
She kisses my cheek, and her velvet voice and her piercing blue eyes gazing in mine from through the mirror is all what I needed.
And I turn around to hug her, resting my face on her shoulder, wrapping myself around her body, sinking my nose into the comfort of her neck. And I just take a long, deep breath, trying to run to my own world, to her own world, to our own world, where things are fine, where things are as easy as we want.
“Luisa, are you okay?”
I nod, kissing her neck and wrapping my arms around her waist tightly.
“I will”
I say, so softly, that it sounds almost like a whisper, but she hears it and tries to look at me and I feel so selfish because I just want to be like this, with my face hidden in her skin.
“You want to talk, honey?”
She urges.
“Not now, just hug me, please”
She kisses the top of my head before resting her chin on it as I feel like my whole world is complete, as I feel better than before because she can do it, because she is my happy place.
“I’m here for you, babe.”
She whispers, running her fingers down my back hugging me tighter
“I know and I love you and thank you”