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Reiichi sighed, dragging his pale hand over the stairs’ railings.
His back felt bare without his school sack, but he “forgot” it in the student council room for a reason.
The wind hit his face when he threw the door open, eyes fluttering shut at the sudden sunlight. His half finished tart sat in his free hand as his other came up to shield his face. It didn’t take him long to recover though, eyes falling on the bench near the entrance.
He knew the drill by now.
Reiichi placed his tart down, sitting down to slip them off when his eyes fall on her.
Her red hair flutters around her face, hands held to her chest. Reiichi spots her shoes on the other side of the fence and his eyes widen.
“Hey!” He screams, wincing at how raw his voice sounded. “Don’t do it!” What am I saying? He asks himself but continues anyway. “Please, don’t jump!”
She flinches, head whipping in his direction. Her amber eyes are blown wide and puffy, and the boy feels a hint of remorse.
Walking up to her slowly, Reiichi stares down at her. She's shaking, he realizes when he draws near, and Reiichi sighs internally. He truly doesn't understand why he yelled at her to stop. He doesn't know her; he didn’t care. In fact, she disturbed his perfectly planned afternoon, so if anything, Reiichi should be somewhat annoyed.
The girl sniffs, and from her red ribbon, he could tell she was a first year.
Her eyes well with tears when she opens her mouth to speak, and Reiichi waits patiently, ignoring the soft ticking of the imaginary clock in his brain.
“I’m sorry,” she mumbles, rubbing at her eyes aggressively. Reiichi shakes his head, hand slipping into his pocket for a handkerchief. “Here,” he says, gesturing for her to take it.
She accepts it gingerly, and Reiichi asks if he can help her over. She hesitates before giving in, allowing the older boy to lift her over.
When she’s on her own to feet, she bows slightly. “Thank you, senpai,” she says, and Reiichi hums. “It’s fine, don’t worry about it,” he says, and she looks up at him slightly.
The white haired boy frowns, and her face morphs into confusion. “Are you okay,” he asks, and his internal self begins to monologue.
“I-I, not… yeah, I’m, ah,” she blushes, playing with her fingers. You don’t care, he whispers, but Reiichi ignores him, clenching his fist.
“My friend, I, I hurt him… I didn’t mean too…” the first year stutters. “He’s usually so calm and collected, and I, I pushed him too far… It wasn’t intended!” She exclaims again, and then she sniffs.
Pathetic.
He clicks his tongue, scoffing.
“You’re telling me that’s it?” Reiichi says, and she shakes her head, launching into a story he thinks can only develop over the course of a few months.
Her friend, Iishiro, is brought up multiple times. Reiichi knows him; he’s one of Shiba’s friends. The fact that he communes with this little first year is beyond him.
When she’s done, Reimi looks up at him with sad, amber eyes. He should feel pity… something… the lack of it is terrifying.
He sighs instead.
“You know, Reimi, I’m surprised you reach the rooftop before me… although, it isn’t too shocking considering I had a student council meeting.”
She bites her lower lip, and Reiichi continues, expression mellowing out.
“You should be grateful for what you already have,” he says, and her eyes widen at the chastising sound of his voice. “Instead of complaining and crying, you should give thanks for what you’ve been blessed with and aspire to utilize them more.”
“If your friends are hurting you, leaving you, ignoring you,” he smiles, but it doesn't reach his eyes. “It never hurts to move on, Reimi.” I should know.
He leaves that out on purpose, watching her eyes glitter. She nods solemnly after a few minutes.
“You’re right,” she whispers, laughing quietly. When she smiles at him, he fights down the urge to look at her with disdain. “Thank you,” Reimi adds, before walking to the stairwell.
When she leaves, Reiichi looks over the rails, eyes falling to the students filtering in and out of the three story building.
Another day, a voice says, and he hums in agreement.
…
“Mother, I’m home” he yells, walking into the house. He trades his school shoes for the slippers at the front door, as his nana appears from one of the rooms, smiling up at Reiichi.
“Hello to you too, grandson,” she says, and he bows.
He follows his nana to the living room, dropping his bags off on the couch. “Where’s mom,” he asks, rummaging through the fridge in the kitchen, and nana clicks her tongue.
“Your mother has a late meeting tonight,” nana says, and he hums. Typical. “She’ll be home for dinner though,” she adds quickly when she sees Reiichi taking out leftovers.
“It’s okay, nana,” he replies, smiling slightly. She frowns. “I’ll just eat now. I have lots of homework anyway,” he lies, and he knows she can tell, but nana would never say anything.
Not to him, anyway.
So she nods slowly, watching her grandson skeptically. “Whatever you say, Reiichi,” she mumbles, turning away to return to whatever project she was working on before he came home.
And then he’s left alone in a house too big for himself.
Again.
…
He had called his mother, telling her he had a project that he had to work on and wouldn’t be home until later that evening.
She believed him, dismissing her son with a curt “yes, yes, Reiichi, that’s fine.”
He walks up the stairs again today, content when he doesn't see anyone. This is it, he thinks, and he sighs, slipping off his black school shoes.
It was at that moment did Reiichi see a mop of hair that could only belong to one person.
“Futaro,” he yelled, and the boy turns to look at him from where he sits opposite the fence. He smiles at Reiichi, the all too familiar smirk tugging at his lips. The older boy knows better though.
He stands, walking over to his friend, sitting down on the other side of him. He hears Futaro laugh, and he says nothing, simply listening to the odd sound leaving the boy’s lips.
“Reiichi,” Futaro begins, and his name sounds taunting when he says it. “What brings you up here today?” He asks, and Reiichi tries to think of a lie. It doesn't work, so he tells the truth.
“What does it look like, Futaro?” He replies, and he hums, nodding. Reiichi continues. “So what’s your reason?” He asks, and his friend laughs again, a dry, rough sound.
“Don’t let me bore you, Reiichi,” he mumbles, but the older boy doesn't falter, his leveled stare causing a sigh to leave Futaro. His friend gives in easily.
“I’m tired,” he says, and the happy facade is gone. “I’m just here, y’know?” Futaro says, hands itching to do something. “No one really likes me… I have no friends… and I don’t even have the balls to ask Eiko out.”
He picks at his fingers, hair falling askew for a moment, allowing Reiichi to see his troubled, opal eyes.
“I mean, I’ll get over it… I always do,” and he allows himself to follow Futaro’s gaze down to the schoolyard, like he did himself a few weeks before.
“But this is such a viable option,” he says, stretching a hand over the open air.
Reiichi stands then, frowning down at him, but Futaro doesn't notice. “And besides,” he adds, voice rising an octave. “I don’t fit in here… I could transfer, but it’d be the same thing over and over and over,” he mumbles, spinning his hand in a circle.
Bullshit.
“Are you kidding me, Futaro?” He hisses, and he looks up at him. You don’t have friends?” Reiichi gestures around him, spinning for adding emphasis. “Look around you, we’re here for you, and you’re here being a selfish ass who’s only thinking about himself!”
Futaro opens his mouth to speak but Reiichi waves him off.
“You got up here before me!” Reiichi says, knowing Futaro would understand the underlying context. “And I’m talking to you right now because you’re one of my best friends.”
He huffs chest heaving. “Your dad… he’s still at home waiting for you. And your little sister, Chisai.” He watches Futaro’s body tense when he mentions the little one.
Reiichi kneels down, placing a heavy hand on his friend’s shoulders. “There’s always people waiting at the dinner table for you, Futaro.” Unlike me, he leaves unsaid.
The tears are kept to a minimum, but he shakes anyway, palms shoved into his face. Reiichi sits with him, silence filled in with Futaro’s tears. Then he laughs.
“I am kinda hungry,” he mumbles, shooting a grin at Reiichi, and the older boy smiles. “Thanks, man,” he says, pulling himself over the fence. “See you later,” Futaro adds, waving.
Reiichi returns the gesture until he can’t see him anymore, smile falling off his face instantaneously.
Another day, he says, and next time Reiichi will listen.
…
He doesn't.
The next day he goes, someone new sits on the ledge, and Reiichi hears his voice against the silence.
He tells himself to mind his own business, that someone else would deal with them… but he always ends up staying, listening to a lengthy conversation as to why.
Reiichi hates it, hates that he’s so willing to listen; hates that he’s so willing to listen when no one else will listen to him.
He can’t comprehend how he could sit and hear them speak… how he can talk people out of their problems and pains so easily. Reiichi realizes he’s jealous, jealous of himself for being so goddamn understanding.
Yet no one can talk him out of his issues, out of his problems.
So Reiichi spends time listening instead, helping people through their problems. He rather prevent someone else’s tears for the sake of his.
…
“What are you doing, Reiichi,” Shirokoshi Akumu asks, throwing the door to his room open. He jumps, dropping his phone. “Nothing, nothing,” he says, and she glares at him.
Her eyes fall to his phone, and he tenses. When her stark black irises find his, they’re hard, and so he challenges them with his own.
She leaves in a flurry of anger, and he allows himself to breathe again.
The next time his mother snaps, they’re at the dinner table.
Nana is humming to herself, happily munching on her sticky rice, while the other patrons eat in a tense silence. He stiffens when his grandmother breaks it.
“Reiichi,” she begins, “how are your extracurricular activities at school?”
His heart falls. His nana is precious, yes, but there are some things not mentioned in the Shirakoshi household. Akumu perks up at this. “What extracurriculars, Reiichi?”
Nana sends him a happy look, and he knows he can’t be upset with her for asking. Reiichi places his chopsticks down, sighing softly.
“I’m on student council, that’s all, mother,” he says, and nana looks confused.
“But Reiichi, you were telling me about the band you and your friends have at school,” nana says, and his mother squawks.
“What band, Reiichi?” She hisses, eyes narrowed, and he knows now that nana realized her mistake. He pales, before balling his hand into a fist.
“A few boys in my grade and I made a group,” his eyes flicker up to hers, but all that remains is a stoic silence. “I don’t play or anything, I just-”
“I raised you better than this Reiichi,” his mother seethes, and nana raises an arm to get her to calm down. “A band of all things? Is that the best you can do?”
He stutters. “Mother, I-”
“Don’t cut me off,” Akumu yells, sticking a finger in his face. “I gave you the leisure to do student council. Wasn’t that enough?”
No, it wasn’t, his brain supplies, but he won’t say it. “Yes mother,” he mumbles, and she nods, returning her eyes to her meal. “Good,” Akumu says, voice levelled and empty. “I expect you to leave that group as soon as possible.”
He feels nana’s gaze on his lowered head, and he knows she’s trying to comfort him. It won’t work, obviously.
…
Today, today, today, today, chants at the forefront of his mind, and Reiichi intends to do follow the plan.
His mom thinks he’s spending the weekend at Shiba’s, which is reasonable since he goes over often. Mainly so she isn’t surprised when her son doesn't come home that day.
Not that she would care too much. She has other people she could give the family business off to.
He drops his bag on the roof, slipping out of his shoes. He had been planning for this since forever now, and the opportunity is finally here. Today.
Reiichi palms his wrist, squeezing it slightly.
Today, today, today, today. He will not back down.
His feet carry him over automatically, socks barely lifting off the ground. He grips the rail once he’s behind it, knuckles whitening more than they should already.
His heart is racing and he doesn't know why. Is it thrill? Is it terror? Is it an eerie tranquility knowing that all his pain and suffering will end today?
Reiichi pulls himself over the bar, leveling his feet on the slab of cement that remains.
Then he sees her, standing a good five metres away from him. Reiichi flushes. How did he not notice her?
She’s standing by the rail too, brown hair whipping around her face and black frames pushed above her forehead. Her brown eyes meet his black ones, and Reiichi pales.
She’s different.
Her expression is empty, save for the soft swirls in her irises. Anyone else, and he would’ve found the words to say, but his thought processes remain blank.
Reihachi, he remembers. She’s in his class. He sees her fuzzy yellow cardigan. She only wears it when it's cool outside... It’s warm today.
He decides it’s probably to be sentimental.
Reiichi jumps when she smiles sadly at him, lips tugging upward slightly.
“So you would be the infamous helper that resides on the rooftops, huh,” she says quietly, and Reiichi watches her with wide eyes. Reihachi looks away, fingering the fraying ends of her cardigan’s sleeve.
“I suppose I can talk to you…” she says, eyes on the ground. Reiichi is quiet, ears open and ready to listen.
“I guess it started at home…" she begins. "My dad, he… he was never really supportive of what I did, especially after my mom passed.” Reihachi laughs weakly, and he can only stare. “It’s like everything I do is regulated. I have to live up to a standard that’s impossible to reach.”
She huffs, fingers flexing lazily.
“I can’t even be myself.” She mumbles, brown irises are soft as her eyes become teary. Reiichi’s hand twitches. He doesn't want her to cry. “I want to make him happy, but I want to make myself happy first.”
Reihachi looks up at him. “Do you know what I mean, Reiichi?”
Her eyes widen when she sees the tears on his face, and Reiichi turns away. He surprised himself too when he began to cry.
For once, he has no words to say, no words to speak, nothing to tell her to stop her from doing what he wants to do to himself. He covers his eyes when she bends over to look at him, and Reiichi flinches.
He can’t say anything. He’s in the same hole as she.
Finally, he met someone who dealt with what he did, someone who knew exactly how he felt, and he can’t stop her.
The sudden weakness, sudden emptiness is pitiful, and he frowns.
“Please,” he croaks, wincing at his own voice. “Please go away.”
He hears her moving, and then there’s a hand clutching his sleeve. Reiichi tenses, eyes watering once again, and Reihachi pats his arm. “Thank you, Reiichi,” she says.
And then she was gone, leaving him alone on the destitute rooftop.
…
He thinks about what she says for the next few days, finding it at the forefront of his mind all the time. Reiichi can’t focus on anything else he realizes, attention wandering in the weekly student council meeting.
It doesn't help him, he learns, trying to ignore his mother’s voice following him up his staircase. Reiichi slams the door for good measure, biting his lip as his eyes begin to well with tears.
Not that he expected it to.
…
Reiichi takes off his shoes on the empty roof, sighing for the nth time that day. He rests his school blazer with the rest of his disposed articles, running a pale hand through his white hair.
The schoolyard is quiet, he notices, looking down to the ground below. His heart pounds.
Today, today, today, today, his mind chants. You can do it Reiichi, he hisses. Let it be done.
And so he climbs over the railing again, hands gripping the bar. He’s finally alone, by himself… no one here to help today. No one that needs to be listened to-
No one but him.
No one’s here to do so, obviously, so he focuses on his heartbeat, letting go of his security for the first time.
Reiichi takes a deep breath as he allows his feet to creep over the edge, eyes closing as he focuses on the wind in his hair.
He left a letter for nana on her night table and a sticky note in his mom’s washroom. He didn’t charge his phone, so he hasn’t received any of their messages, and his friends already left school for the day.
No one can interfere… no one can get in his way here-
So he allows himself to let go, body relaxing as his feet meet thin air. Reiichi allows himself to be free, allows himself to relax as he drops-
And it ends just as quickly as the hand that grips his.
FIN