Work Text:
S01E01 "Cats and Dogs Living Together"
You're being watched, okay? There's a guy... Actually, there's a couple of guys, and they're both pretty weird. So's the woman I'm working with, for that matter. But okay, so I guess there's some kind of system? Anyway, we help people. People no one else is going to help. People like you! The government isn't exactly on board with what we do, but this is some heartwarming Robin Hood action, all right? We even have a dog, which makes us that much cooler. Anyway, nobody knows how to find us--well, almost no one does, and I'm not even going to talk about this one hacker who seems to, because she gives me the major creeps--but if you need help, we'll be there. We totally will! Probably. We're probably totally going to save you.
S01E11 "Simply Walk Into Mordor"
So, since my annoying yet foolhardy partner has managed to get himself captured, it looks like I'll be filling you in this week. Long story short, there's a friendly AI taking over the world. While it works on that, though, people just keep on killing each other. The AI used to work for the government, and so did I, actually, but these days we're more along the order of freelancers. We stop bad things from happening. Don't bother trying to get in touch--if there's something we need to know, chances are we already do. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go rescue a guy from my self-appointed nemesis...even though I might like her better. Bear, hier.
S01E12 "Situation Normal"
Hi, boys and girls. Don't worry about your adorable duo; I'm sure they--and the dog--are tucked away all safe and sound in whatever hidey-hole they've scurried back to. I just thought that if they're going to insist on interfering with my plans, it's only fair that I return the favor. So now I get to talk to you, isn't it nice?
Don't listen to anything they tell you about the Machine. Their pitiful attempts to describe its complexities can only further confuse your already pretty mixed-up little minds. Just accept that the Machine is far beyond your or their understanding. And relax! There's nothing you need to do. There's nothing you can do. Change is inevitable, now, and it's going to be beautiful.
PS, because I know you're watching this. If you see Harold, tell him I think I understand the attraction a little better now. That's all. Be seeing you!
S01E22 "Hang In There, Baby"
[Bear whines softly and stares at the camera for about 15 seconds.]