Chapter Text
Things That Make You Go Hmmm...
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Chapter One… Um...Yeah...
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First, I want to say that I love Final Fantasy VIII and all its characters. I'm now playing it for my fourth time and I have started questioning many things. Therefore, these are a list of comments, questions, and concerns I have regarding the story.
1. Why was Squall put in charge?
See, after starting the game again, I realized that he waited until the day of the field examine before going to the fire cave. What in the world? Do we really need a procrastinator in charge of Garden? The guy waited until the last possible moment to take a silly test that would have been simple for such a Gunblade master. Was he really put in charge because he looked good in leather? Yes, I think so too…
2. What is up with Cid?
Okay, see at the scene where they visit him in the orphanage he is all, “Squall, don’t let this get personal. You have more to think about than Rinoa. Others are depending on you.” Yet, is he not this the same man who we found early crying in the infirmary? In addition, the guy totally ditched us when we went into battle with Galbadia Garden. Yes, Cid, we know it's your wife - don’t let it get personal!
3. Do they have grocery stores in Final Fantasy?
Somewhere along the line, the group should have just taken Zell to the store. You can actually buy hotdogs and cook them. Simple. Get a pack of eight hot dogs; get some buns. COOK! No more waiting in line for the darn little things. Zell use the microwave!
4. Hotel Beds?
Isn’t amazing just how many hotels in FF8 contain three beds! Last time I walked into my nearest Holiday Inn, it had two. Conveniently, there are always three in the rooms. I'm glad the bed fairy is looking out for Squall and the gang. If not they might have to *share* a bed. We could not have that now could we? That's what fanfic is for...
5. Cactuar is the scariest GF!
Yes, it is true. The scariest thing I could possibly imagine is a fifty-foot cucumber, with eyes, attacking the world. Who possibly thought of this? Hmmm.... Next time, hire the little leprechaun from Lucky Charms - He is scary.
6. Esthar, what is up with this place?
So you get there, big beautiful city. Only problem is there is only one building accessible to the public. No hotels (With three beds as per Squaresoft contract), no bars, and no weapons shop. Who designed this place? All you do is walk around, and around on pretty glass highways. There are no shops, just a goofy computer terminal. Yes folks, Internet shopping at its best. Not to mention the place is in the shape of a giant spider. Like to see who was on the town planning committee, Little Miss Muffet?
7. Flying Garden = some major problems!
Now just how is FedEx supposed to deliver overnight if nobody knows where this place will be?
8. Why does Seifer not wear a uniform on his test?
So everybody is in the Garden vehicle and Seifer is still in his trench coat. Umm... just because he failed a few times he does not wear his uniform, like every other SeeD! Maybe his score goes down because he is not in proper dress. Did he think of that? On that hand, why is Squall’s gang the only group running around Garden not in a uniform? Except, of course, for the little running kid in the hall - do not get me started about running in the halls.
9. Zell's secret identity?
I believe we now know what happened to Vanilla Ice. Mystery solved.
10. Shiva and Siren, can we put some clothes on!?
Okay not that I really mind, but see every time they would come on my husband had some nice comment. In fact, he would encourage me to use them. “Look Siren’s a natural blonde” and “Look at those ‘icicles’ on Shiva” - rates right up there. Not to mention the jokes I was faced to endure about the vibrator function on the controller. Husbands. (Insert own joke here)
There are probably a thousand more questions I could come up with like:
1. Irvine = Good Chip ‘n Dale dancer?
2. Edea? Mortica Addams? Are they the same person?
3. Why does Edea have the best body in the game? Did you see how low cut her dress was? Jennifer Lopez watch out.
4. Can you give a Marboro a Mentos for bad breath?
5. Does Chicobo or Chocobo taste like chicken?