Archive of Our Own

Seeing more and more of a person as they opened up was something Hide found he loved about making a new friend.

Not that it was something that had actually happened much in his life. It wasn’t until after he moved with his new adoptive Papa and Dad that he really got the opportunity to make friends. His new school and class had plenty of children he could have befriended, many of which were boisterous and fun enough for Hide to get along with.

But funnily enough, out of all his new classmates, he was drawn to the one that was not like any of those kids, but was someone who was on his own, isolated from the rest of the children, quiet, and reading what looked to be a book written for those of a much older age range. Hide didn’t quite know exactly what it was that first drew him to Kaneki. Whether it was out of a desire to help someone lonely, a fascination with a person so different to himself, an interest in getting to know someone who seemed so closed off to everyone else, or some combination of the three. No matter the reason for its start, becoming friends with Kaneki was something Hide was grateful for.

It was a bit difficult at first. They had very little in common and had such different personalities. Kaneki was used to reading books that Hide never understood, and wasn’t easily able to talk about himself, while Hide was the type to talk so much he would jump from one thing to another so quickly that Kaneki would struggle to keep up. But with both of them willing to be friends, they were able to familiarise themselves with these differences and become more naturally close.

In the process of becoming closer, Hide began to see Kaneki open up to him in a way he didn’t see Kaneki with anyone else. He didn’t think any of the other classmates had ever seen Kaneki laugh, or even smile. But he was doing it more and more when it was the two of them together. Hide felt incredibly lucky knowing he was the person who got to witness Kaneki’s smile the most.

Kaneki’s shyness wasn’t gone completely when the two of them were together, and Hide accepted that as part of who Kaneki was. It didn’t matter since Hide could be outgoing enough for the both of them anyway. But seeing Kaneki open up bit by bit from the withdrawn kid Hide had first met was something Hide valued more than any amount of outgoing nature of his friend.

So, when Kaneki went back and withdrew himself around him, Hide noticed.

Not that he could miss it, since the reason Kaneki had done so was not for any small reason and had a huge impact on him. 

Hide wasn’t a stranger to the loss of a parent, since he himself had lost both of his own biological ones. Unlike Kaneki though, he had absolutely no memory of his mother, as she had died shortly after his birth. With the passing of his biological father however, Hide could understand Kaneki’s grief a little more. Hide’s father, who had been an investigator for the CCG, had died in action when Hide was a much younger child.  

This was different though. The impact of Kaneki’s mother’s death impacted on Kaneki as a person much more than Hide’s father’s had to Hide. Kaneki’s relationship with his mother had been very different to that between Hide and his biological father, and Hide had never fully understood it from the outside looking in.

However, even Hide’s small understanding of the grief Kaneki was going through made him more desperate to somehow lessen his best friend’s pain.

But he had no clue where to start. It was even harder to figure out any way to make Kaneki feel better when he couldn’t see him. Kaneki took a period of absence from school after his mother’s passing, and obviously wasn’t able to meet with Hide outside of school during this time either.

Once Kaneki did return to school though, he was different.

It was as if Kaneki had retreated back to the boy that Hide had first seen upon moving to the new school. Only this time, Kaneki was even more withdrawn than before. It wasn’t as if he was isolating himself from Hide physically; once he returned to school he resumed walking there and back with him, and they continued to be together during lunch breaks. But mentally, it felt like Kaneki was somewhere else. He was largely unresponsive to Hide where he usually would’ve cracked a smile at something Hide said or did, or even looked at Hide with a puzzled frown. It was clear to Hide that trying to be as he normally was before would not lead to Kaneki being as he was before, as no matter how he acted, Kaneki’s default expression remained distant.

Hide viewed himself as the one who would be there the most for Kaneki.

When Kaneki was all alone in their class, it was Hide that cracked his shell and befriended him.

When the other kids pestered or bullied Kaneki, it was Hide that would draw the bullies away and protect him.

And when Kaneki was sad, it was Hide that would be the one to bring out the hint of a smile.

Helping Kaneki this time would require an action much bigger than Hide had done before. Kaneki’s shell was now as impenetrable as ever, and it would be much harder to bring him out again this time.

In class, Hide spent most of his time wondering what gesture he could possibly do which would make him succeed in this goal.

He would want it to be something big enough to really surprise Kaneki, as something small and common might not have a big effect on Kaneki in the state he was. Something Hide could really show that he would do everything he could to make Kaneki happy again.

It was the class itself that was what prompted the inspiration for Hide. It hadn’t even been the focus of the lesson, merely a side-mention within the larger topic. Within a lesson of history, featuring discussion of efforts to spread messages of peace, Hide took notice of a brief mention of paper cranes.

One thousand paper cranes.

That was something Hide could do. It was perfect, as not only was it something that could be realistically done with time, but it was also a big enough gesture that would bring out a smile on Kaneki’s face, plus it had the added bonus of having the power to make him better. It was legend that folding a thousand cranes would grant one a wish after all. To tell the truth, Hide had his doubts about the wish part, but it couldn’t hurt to think about the possibility.

Hide couldn’t stop thinking about his idea for the rest of the day, eager to get started on it as soon as possible. That very afternoon in fact.

Origami paper was something that he would need, and a lot of it, so that would have to be the first step for Hide to take. Whether or not he already had some at home didn’t matter since he knew there wouldn’t be enough for a thousand even if he did.

There was a store nearby where he knew he could get some, but it would require changing his path home. This was tricky, as he and Kaneki walked home together most of the way. Somehow, Hide would need to separate himself from Kaneki.

“Kaneki, I’m going to be going this way today,” he said nonchalantly as they approached where he would need to divert. “I have something that I need to do today.”

“Oh?” Kaneki blinked in surprise. “I don’t mind going with you,” he said. “I’m not in a rush to get back. I can stay out longer.”

“No no, it’s ok!” Hide said hurriedly. “It’s easy enough that I can do it quickly myself.”

“Oh…”

Hide stood around a moment longer, unsure of what to do next. Kaneki seemed disappointed, but Hide didn’t want to tell him exactly what he was going to do. If Kaneki knew what Hide was going to do, that would spoil the impact it would have, wouldn’t it? It would work out better in the long run if Kaneki could be fully surprised by what Hide was going to do for him.

“Well,” he said once Kaneki wasn’t saying anything more. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Kaneki!”

“See you.”

Hide slowly took the different path, waving to Kaneki as he walked away. He kept turning back to Kaneki as he walked off, seeing how Kaneki remained standing where Hide left him for quite a while afterwards, waving back. It was only once Hide was about to walk out of sight that he saw Kaneki eventually walk off on his own.

It wasn’t a long walk to the nearest store where he could get origami paper. He would arrive home afterwards only a little bit later than usual, a difference that would barely even be noticeable.

Once he made it to the store, he immediately went over to where he knew the origami paper would be. There were several kinds, some all one colour, others that were patterned. Hide didn't need any of the fancy kind of paper, just enough to make one thousand good quality cranes. He found packs of two-hundred pieces of origami paper that he thought would do. They were cheap enough that he would be able to buy several packets with what money he as an elementary school student had on him. They also consisted of several different coloured pieces of paper, which was nice.

Hide decided to buy six of the packets. Five to make the thousand, but a sixth to allow for mistakes, since if he even ruined or lost a single one, he wouldn't have enough otherwise. When he was paying for the origami paper, the store’s cashier gave him a knowing look.

“Best of luck making one thousand,” she said as she handed the packets of paper to Hide in a small bag.

Hide almost skipped his way home. Having the paper in his hands was making him more eager to get started on the task ahead of him, and more excited to feel like he would finally be doing something to help Kaneki now.

One of Hide's fathers was already home when Hide arrived.

“I'm home!” Hide said when he entered.

“Welcome back!” his Dad answered. He then noticed the small bag in Hide's hands. “What’s that you’re holding?”

Hide suppressed his immediate urge to hide the paper behind his back, an old habit that somehow hadn’t left him from when he was in the orphanage and sneaked in things he technically wasn’t supposed to. He had no need to hide things with his fathers however. Besides, he knew that if he did want something to be kept secret to himself, his fathers wouldn’t try to pry. For a period of time after Hide had initially been adopted, Hide’s fathers had given him a lot of space and had been very careful around him, having still been learning how to be parents and not wanting to do anything that might get Hide to dislike them. Even though now everyone had long adjusted to the family arrangement, they still tended to give Hide a lot of freedom and not push him.

In Hide’s eyes, they never needed to worry; his dads were fantastic, so in return he made an effort to share things with his dads and not take advantage of the space they gave him.

“It’s origami paper!” Hide said, holding it out so his Dad could see it properly. “I want to make a thousand paper cranes for Kaneki.”

“Ahhhh…” Dad said knowingly. Hide’s dads were very aware of who Kaneki was and his importance to Hide, especially since Kaneki was who Hide talked about to them more than anything else.

“I thought maybe it could make him feel a bit happy again after… you know…”

Dad nodded. “Do you know how to make paper cranes?”

Hide realised he hadn’t actually considered that part. He slowly shook his head.

Dad softly smiled. “Lucky for you, I do.”

He made his way over to the table in the living room and sat down. “Come over here and I’ll show you,” he said, gesturing for Hide to sit down.

Hide went over to the table, sitting beside him. Hide opened the packet of origami paper and took one out, placing it on the table in front of his Dad while the packet was put to the side.

“Ok, so what you want to do first is fold it in half diagonally…” he began, demonstrating for Hide as he spoke.

That was simple enough. Most origami started out with an easy fold like that so Hide knew he had step one down at least.

The first few steps of the crane were easy actually, as a lot of it was folding the paper in halves. He was able to follow along with his Dad’s demonstration fairly easily, only not quite getting what his Dad was doing for the folds of the wings. Hide didn’t stop him however, and continued to watch until his Dad completed the final touch of the small head fold.

“Here you go, there’s your first one!” Dad said triumphantly, holding the finished crane out to Hide.

Hide took it, not mentioning out loud that he didn’t intend to count this one as one of the thousand for Kaneki. Not only did Hide want them to be all his own work, but he also wanted to keep this crane made by his Dad for himself.  

“Now you try,” Dad said. “I’ll do another one with you.”

Hide reached for the pack of origami paper, taking out an orange sheet for himself to use and passing his Dad a blue one.

As Hide did the first folds, his Dad began to repeat the instructions to Hide as he continued. Once Hide got up to the wing folds that had stumped him earlier, he looked at Dad for assistance. His Dad went through that step again, more slowly this time, as Hide copied what he was doing until he understood what to do for it. The wings of his crane looked a bit sloppier than Dad’s did, and they weren’t exactly even, but that was something he could improve on. He had nine hundred and ninety-nine more chances to get it perfect.

“Let's see if you can do one without me telling you the steps now,” Dad suggested. “I don't know if I have the time to repeat the instructions one thousand times.” He laughed at himself.

Hide took another piece of paper out of the packet and immediately started with the beginning folds once again. He hesitated once he got to the wings again, but his Dad didn't prompt him this time. Hide slowly repeated that step which he had just figured out last time, and managed to do it on his own. In fact, Hide found that this time the wing fold actually looked better than the last time.

Once Hide did the final touch on the head and tail, he turned to his Dad and held up the crane proudly.

“You did it! Awesome work!”

“I couldn't have done it without your help. Thanks Dad!” Hide said.

Hide picked up the packet of paper and the cranes that were on the table. “I’m going to take these up to my room now and make more,” he said. “You'll see me with one thousand soon enough!”

“Good luck,” Dad said with a smile as Hide left the room.

Hide picked up on how to more expertly make the paper cranes rather quickly. The more he did them, the easier the process came to him, until he was able to do it without having to pause in between steps to think about the next fold. He even got the hang of the wing fold until it was no longer a problem for him.

He had wondered how he should go about approaching the thousand. Should he set himself a goal of a certain amount per day, or should he try to do it as fast as possible? He didn’t want Kaneki to be waiting too long, so he did consider having daily goals so it would be easier to calculate the date they’d all be done and ready to give to Kaneki. However, he wasn’t sure how many cranes per day would be realistic but also enough that it wouldn’t take forever. So instead, Hide had taken the approach of setting aside a specific timeframe for him to be working on cranes.

The best time where he would be the most free to work on them was the late afternoon, so he had decided that he would mostly focus on working on the cranes when he got home from school. He would arrive home, greet his fathers if they were home yet, and then go to his room to fold the cranes. He ended up sometimes being so eager to continue working on them that he would head home on his own so he could rush instead of slowly walk, just so he would have more time to make cranes.

Hide had set up a space on the desk of his room to work on the paper cranes. Most of the desk had been cleared so Hide could have plenty of room to get it all right. At first, Hide put completed cranes on his desk, spreading them out along the top and stacking some of them when the number of cranes grew bigger. After some time however, it became more impractical for the cranes to be put on the desk. As they grew in number, the desk became more crowded, and many cranes toppled from their stacks or spilled over the sides of the desk.

Luckily, Hide’s Dad helped him out with that problem. When he poked his head into Hide’s room and found the mountain of origami that was building up, he went to find pieces string for Hide to put the cranes on. It made it easier to count what Hide was up to as well when the cranes were sorted into groups connected by string.

Once it became the weekend, Hide’s time wasn’t restricted by school. He found that he could make twice as many cranes in a day on the weekend than he did during the week, which he took advantage of to get ahead. One Sunday however, Hide decided to give himself a rest day. He had been working on the cranes for a while, and had made it to over two-hundred and fifty cranes. Surely making it past the milestone of a quarter of the way through was deserving of a day’s break.

He decided to see if he could visit Kaneki for the day. Before Kaneki’s mother had passed away, Hide had gone over to Kaneki’s place quite a few times to see if Kaneki would be able to go out and play. Kaneki’s mother had usually been working hard on something in the house at those times, so Kaneki had been able to go out.

Hide hadn’t visited where Kaneki was living since his mother’s passing though. It wasn’t the same house of course; Kaneki had been moved to his aunt’s house. Hide knew where the house was, but obviously hadn’t gone over there yet, what with having to allow time after Kaneki’s mother died, and then time for Kaneki to go through the process of moving and settling into a new home.

Hide felt that now was an alright time to try. Especially since he hadn’t seen Kaneki as much lately, with his afternoons now taken up by paper crane folding. It would be nice to have a full day with him again.

In fact, now that he thought about it, he hadn’t had a full day with Kaneki in a long time.

As he walked to Kaneki’s new house, he was hopeful for the day. A full day not thinking about origami for the time being and just enjoying spending time with his best friend. Maybe having made a quarter of the thousand paper cranes would give him a quarter of the good luck and wish for Kaneki to feel better.

When he reached the house, he trotted to the front door and reached to press the doorbell.

In the next instant, he suddenly got a feeling of dread that it was probably a mistake.

The front door was opened abruptly, and a woman stood in the doorway. She peered down at Hide with a frown while she stood with her arms folded. Completely closed off, and Hide hadn’t even started speaking yet.

Hide refused to let it phase him. He was here for Kaneki after all. He stood up straighter before speaking to her.

“Hello,” Hide greeted politely. “My name is Hideyoshi Nagachika. I was wondering if Kaneki was here and allowed to come play with me?”

The woman paused, her unimpressed face scrutinising Hide. She then turned behind her to the house’s corridor.

“Oi!” she called out, her tone irritated. “There’s a boy here for you! Hurry up and go with him so I haven’t wasted my time!”

A few moments later, Hide saw Kaneki’s head poking around the corner of the corridor nervously. His eyes widened when he laid eyes on Hide. He stepped around the corner and made his way down the corridor. As Kaneki reached his aunt, Hide noticed the slight hunch of Kaneki’s shoulders as he walked past.

As soon as Kaneki stepped out of the door, his aunt closed the door roughly, startling Hide and Kaneki in the process.

It took Hide a lot of self-control to not make a blunt statement to Kaneki about that woman. Instead, he turned to a still stunned Kaneki and tried to make sure the next thing he said was in as hopeful of a tone as possible.

“Want to go to the park?” he asked.

Kaneki nodded in agreement.

It wasn’t until after the two of them had walked away from the house and out of the street that Kaneki spoke.

“I was surprised that you came for me today,” he said.

“Yeah?”

“Yeah…” Kaneki hesitated before speaking again. “It’s been a while… I’ve missed you.”

Hide reached over to put an arm over Kaneki’s shoulders as they walked.

Being with Kaneki now had made him feel a little better after that encounter with his aunt, but Hide’s relief and hope from his self-assigned rest day had still already evaporated.

He thought he was making these cranes at a good pace, but getting a glimpse into Kaneki’s home life was a realisation that it was not enough right now. The longer he took to fold these cranes, the longer Kaneki would be suffering. Even as he spent time with Kaneki for the rest of the day, a tiny part of the back of his mind was trying to guilt him, and remind him that this would remain the only day that he’d take a rest from making cranes until all one thousand were done.

Hide tried squeezing in time to make more cranes as much as he could. He now tried to get some done before school where possible, and once he got home at the end of the school day, made cranes all throughout the afternoon, even into the evening.

It was from there that Hide’s hours that he dedicated to making cranes extended. The set time after school he had originally started with had now changed to as soon as he got home until as long as he could go into the night, with breaks for the bathroom and dinner when necessary.

One evening, Hide hit five-hundred cranes.

He grinned at the achievement of making the halfway point. It had been several weeks however, and the idea of continuing for several more slightly dampened Hide’s excitement. But he had to keep going, at a more intense pace than before. Reaching the halfway point of five-hundred cranes gave Hide an extra boost to his motivation and strengthened his resolve to keep going.

Hide’s momentum carried him further into the night, until it was time for him to go to bed.

It became increasingly exhausting after making that transition to more time spent daily on folding origami. The more time Hide spent making cranes, the slower the whole process felt. His time after school felt more like work than time to himself at this point, but Hide reminded himself that he would be able to go back to his own free time and hobbies as soon as he finished making the cranes.

This was all for Kaneki after all.

Hide consistently had to keep in his mind the reason he was doing this. Kaneki was most important here. He was worth a period of time dedicated to him instead of Hide. He was worth Hide making a few sacrifices for him. Kaneki’s happiness in the end would make it all more than worthwhile.

It was this line of thinking that pushed Hide one night to continue to make cranes even after his fathers had tucked him into bed. His thoughts about it all prevented him from sleeping, so once he felt that his fathers had gone to bed themselves, Hide got out of his own bed. He closed his bedroom door before turning on the lamp on his desk, giving himself light but not so much that his dads would notice. Hide sat at his desk, and picked up where he left off before he had been sent to bed.

He continued to keep making paper cranes after midnight.

His brain wasn’t entirely working at this point, but it didn’t really need to. It wasn’t entirely necessary to think in order to fold paper cranes. The motions and folds were easy to him by now, and he could keep a good pace to get through a fair amount at once.

His eyes on the other hand were getting heavy. As much as he could go through the folds without thinking, he did still need to be able to look at what he was doing to make sure the creases were in line.

With only the lamp’s light to look at the folds he was making, sometimes it was hard to see if he was doing it quite right. And it didn’t help that the lamp’s light seemed to be getting dimmer and dimmer.

Hide didn’t remember at what point he dropped off.  

“Hideyoshi?”

The sound of his Papa’s voice pulled him out from his sleep. Hide lifted his head from what he soon realised was the top of his desk. He had fallen asleep in the middle of a fold too, and his head had rested right on the unfinished crane, causing an unwanted crease to be pressed into the paper. Hide sighed in frustration at himself over the ruined crane, and turned to see his Papa standing beside his desk.

“Have you been staying up late doing these?”

Hide didn’t answer, and simply glanced back at the crane he had been in the middle of making before he fell asleep.

Papa sighed. “Hideyoshi, you can make more of those tomorrow. Not when you’re supposed to be sleeping.”

“I know I can but…” he trailed off and looked over at the pile of cranes on his desk with a pained expression.

He knew his fathers were supportive of him, but Hide couldn’t shake the feeling that they didn’t quite understand just how much this meant to him. This wasn’t a game or project for fun. This was an important task he had to do for Kaneki. It was something he had started to help him and now it was his responsibility to see it through to the end, and as fast as possible, for Kaneki’s sake. Even if it meant sacrificing a bit of sleep. A little inconvenience to himself was nothing compared to Kaneki’s pain.

“Hideyoshi,” Papa said, his voice still soft but indicating a slightly sterner tone than before. “We love that you’re so enthusiastic to do this for your friend, but we’re growing a bit concerned about how much time you’re spending alone in your room making these, especially when you’re supposed to be sleeping.”

“As soon as I finish these, I’ll go to sleep properly again.” Hide knew his tone towards was becoming sharper. He rarely spoke to his dads like that.

“Hideyoshi…” Papa considered his next words carefully. “You are not personally responsible for everything that happens in your friend’s life.”

Hide didn’t know exactly why, but those words were rubbing him the wrong way.

He knew he wasn’t personally responsible, but why should that stop him from trying to help Kaneki as much as he could? Especially since there was no-one else in Kaneki’s life that even tried to make his life easier. If nothing else was going to provide Kaneki with happiness, then Hide was going to try his hardest to make up for that.

He didn’t know how to say that to his Papa without becoming more frustrated. He was already feeling bad about his tone from before, and he didn’t want to make it worse.

He was too tired for this.

Hide sighed. He got up from his desk chair, which his Papa pushed properly back underneath the desk, and flopped into his bed.

Papa stood by Hide’s desk, looking unsure as to what to do next. He slowly made his way to Hide’s bed, and reached for the blanket to tuck Hide back in properly.

“We want you to take care of yourself too,” Papa said softly, lightly kissing Hide’s head. “Goodnight, Hideyoshi.”

Hide wasn’t really registering what his Papa was doing or saying, as once had lain back down into bed and put his head on the pillow, the wave of sleep began to hit him full force once again.

Hide refused to admit that Papa may have had a point that he should have slept.

He had to be almost dragged out of bed the following morning, having had way less sleep last night that he should have.

He was still half-asleep when he met up with Kaneki on his walk to school. So much so that Kaneki easily noticed the difference in Hide.

“Hide, are you okay?”

Hide blinked several times to try to force his eyes to look wide awake and alert.

“Yeah? Yeah!” he answered, hoping his voice came out as bright as he wanted it to. “What makes you ask that?”

“You just seem a bit... off today,” Kaneki said.

“Off? No no, I'm fine!” Hide insisted. “I mean, I went to bed a little later than usual last night, but I’m all fine!”

Kaneki didn't look convinced. He made a movement as if he was going to ask him another question, but he then closed his mouth and lowered his gaze as they continued to walk to school. An expression of concern remained on his face.

Hide couldn’t help feeling frustrated at himself for that. He was supposed to be helping Kaneki, but now he had caused Kaneki to be more worried, as if he wasn’t already having to deal with and worry about enough things going on. That was the exact opposite of what he wanted.

When would the cranes stop?

They consumed his thoughts, every available waking moment he had, and all the space in his room. He’d come way too far to stop now, but it still felt like the end was so out of reach.

Even after he had passed seven-hundred and fifty cranes a while ago, three quarters of the way through, it felt like it wasn’t working. Kaneki seemed just as sad as he did before, if not sadder recently. It seemed Hide needed to make it all the way to the end or nothing would work. But Hide was beginning to doubt that even getting to the end would be much help at this point.

It was an afternoon where Kaneki and Hide were walking home from school together, having been a few days since they last had done so. For some days before, Hide had gone ahead of Kaneki in order to get home early, telling Kaneki that he was required home early to help his fathers with something on the house, or saying he needed to carry out another errand.

“Hide, why are you walking faster?” Kaneki asked suddenly.

Hide hadn’t even noticed he had been doing it until he looked at how Kaneki was a step behind him, having had to almost powerwalk to keep up with the pace Hide had been going. A habit out of his usual drive lately to get home as fast as possible he supposed.

“Sorry Kaneki,” Hide gave a small laugh to shrug off the mistake.

Kaneki didn’t look anywhere near laughing however. He looked towards the ground as they continued to walk the rest of the way, not saying a word.

Until they reached where they would usually part ways to their houses.

Kaneki turned to Hide abruptly. “Do you-?” He shook his head and changed his question. “Is there something you’re hiding?”

Such a question normally wouldn’t have caught Hide so off guard. But it being asked so suddenly by Kaneki, unusually direct on his part at that, definitely threw him off.

“Hiding?” Hide scratched his cheek. “Nothing! What would I be hiding?”

Kaneki didn’t say anything, merely looking at Hide. His grey eyes stared into Hide’s own for a good moment, almost pleading.

The guilt that hit Hide was almost too much.

“I see…” Kaneki said. He turned to leave, and in that moment Hide saw a slight tremble of Kaneki’s lip. “Bye Hide.”

Hide couldn’t do this anymore.

“Kaneki, wait,” Hide said, reaching out to grab his hand. “Come home with me. I want to show you something.”

Kaneki frowned at him, but then allowed himself to follow Hide.

Hide had to hold himself back from walking with a fast pace, after Kaneki had reacted to it before, but he was so tempted to get them home as fast as possible before he changed his mind. Was he really going to undo all his hard work by showing it to Kaneki before it was even done? Would it all be pointless? What if showing Kaneki what he had done now wouldn’t be nearly as helpful as completing the thousand would have been?

But the look Kaneki had given him was too pained for Hide to keep it from Kaneki any longer.

Hide’s fathers weren’t home when they arrived. That was probably better for today, as Hide could take Kaneki straight up to his bedroom where the cranes were kept.

Upon reaching his room, Hide hesitated to open the door. He really had wanted to wait until he was completely finished, but knowing Kaneki was hurting while Hide was keeping him waiting was enough to get Hide to change his plan.

Hide opened the door and entered his room.

Hide probably should have thought about what he was going to open with a little more, as well as how he was going to display the cranes. He had some in their groups connected by string, but he had a lot of loose ones lying on his desk and around it as well. He knew it wouldn’t have been displayed that well right now, but it was even more cluttered that he remembered it being. Much messier than he would’ve liked to show Kaneki, but it was too late now that Kaneki was here.

Kaneki walked into the room, a puzzled expression on his face. As he stood in Hide’s room and took in the sight, his initial reaction was blank, as if he didn’t know what exactly he was looking at and why.

The first of the tears then started to come in the seconds that followed. They came quietly at first, until Kaneki’s face cracked and his breathing became shuddered.

“K-Kaneki?” Hide stepped towards Kaneki, his hands half held up as he was not sure if he should hold him or not.

“Is this… for me?”

“Yeah! All for you!” Hide answered.

It was then that sobs began to escape from Kaneki.

Hide really didn’t know what to do. “Did I do something wrong, Kaneki?”

“It’s not just- It’s…” Kaneki could barely get his words out in his state. “It’s everything.”

“Everything?”

“Everything since… since… Mum…”

It was then that Hide realised that this was the first time since the passing of Kaneki’s mother that he had seen Kaneki’s shell crack. It was doing more than just cracking; it was completely breaking apart with everything that had been kept inside spilling out all at once.

“Everything is so bad now!” Kaneki tried to take in breaths to try to settle himself. His attempts were shaky. “Mum is gone! My aunt and cousin are so awful to me! And then after that,” he looked up at Hide. “You started to go away!”

Hide froze. “I-I what?”

“You started leaving me! You stopped wanting to be with me after school and you kept going off on your own to do things! And then you were acting differently and you weren’t telling me anything! I started thinking that you didn’t want to be my friend anymore!”

“Oh Kaneki…” Hide didn’t know what to say.

He hadn’t realised. But Kaneki was correct; Hide had been leaving him. Ironically, in Hide’s efforts to work harder for Kaneki and make him feel better, he had inadvertently made things worse for him. Hide knew he had spent less time with Kaneki so he could spend more time making as many cranes as he could. But he hadn’t thought about how doing so would have come across to Kaneki, who didn’t know about what Hide was doing. Hide had left Kaneki thinking that he was beginning to abandon him, just when he had lost everything else and needed him the most.

Hide stepped forward and pulled Kaneki into a hug. He may have been going about helping Kaneki the wrong way before, but that didn’t mean he couldn’t try doing it right for him now.

Kaneki cried into Hide’s shoulder as he held him. Hide could feel Kaneki’s tears getting on his shirt, but he didn’t care. He held onto Kaneki for as long as Kaneki needed to let out what he had been keeping withdrawn all this time. He lightly rubbed Kaneki’s back until sobs quietened into soft sniffles.

“Kaneki, I’m so sorry,” Hide said when Kaneki had calmed down, resting his head against Kaneki’s own as he continued to hold him. “I had no idea.”

Kaneki slowly released himself from the embrace, and looked once again at the mess of cranes atop Hide’s desk.

“Did you really try to make a thousand of those for me?”

“Yes, I was hoping to get them all done as soon as possible and wish for you to feel… happier again. That was why I coming home so much and keeping it a secret from you,” Hide grimaced. He was feeling a little foolish about the entire plan now. “I only got to about… eight-hundred and fifty though? Sorry...”

Kaneki shook his head.

“I don’t care about some silly cranes,” he sniffed. “I want my best friend much more.”

His best friend, nothing more, nothing less. That was something Hide was perfectly capable of doing, more than anyone else.

“Kaneki...” Hide said, reaching forward to hold Kaneki's hands. “Let me make it up to you now.”

Try as he might, Hide couldn’t create miracles.

He couldn’t change the things in life that were completely out of anyone’s control. He couldn’t change the living situation that Kaneki was in now. He couldn’t prevent Kaneki from feeling anything bad for the rest of his life, nor change the fact that Kaneki was going to experience grief.

What he could do was focus his energy on helping Kaneki through the worst of times, instead of taking it upon himself to trying to fix everything that couldn’t possibly be fixed.  

Hide left his house with Kaneki and led them to a store. With the spare change he had in his pockets, he was able to buy an ice cream each for himself and Kaneki. With their ice creams in one hand and their remaining hand holding each other’s, they walked to the place in the park they had called their own. They hadn’t been there since the day Hide had made an appearance at Kaneki’s house.

That day felt like too long ago. Kaneki had said that day that he missed spending time with Hide, and Hide hadn’t allowed himself to think about how much he himself missed it too. Or how his obsession with completing the cranes had been the cause of it. In his focus on the cranes, he didn’t realise just how much he had denied from himself. Not just from himself; whatever Hide had decided to sacrifice in carrying out his goal also affected Kaneki.

The two of them sat on top of the piece of equipment at the park. It was a nice spot to sit during the late afternoon like this, as they could admire the colours of the sky as the sun began to set and then afterwards they could stargaze once it got dark enough. It was a nice enough park that they often wondered why more people didn’t come here, but then they’d be thankful that people didn’t. This was their spot for a reason. It was just for the two of them, away from home and whatever problems they had, a place where they could just enjoy each other’s company.

After Hide finished eating his ice-cream, he lay down and looked up at the sky. As he relaxed more, he let out a yawn without realising. The lack of sleep was catching up to him.

“Hide, you’ve really looked tired a lot lately,” Kaneki said. “Is that because of the cranes?”

Hide nodded. The secret was out, so there was no need to try to hide it anymore.

Kaneki frowned. “No more,” he said.

Hide laughed. “Alright, alright, I’ll go to bed extra early tonight.”

“No more after this as well.”

“What do you mean?”

Kaneki exhaled. “You do so much for me Hide,” he said. “And I’m really, really thankful for it. But you don’t have to! Looking out for me means nothing if you’re not looking out for yourself as well!”

Kaneki did care about Hide as much as he cared for Kaneki. It was something Hide knew, but often forgot, so little reminders like this were always reassuring.

“Ok,” he said. “I’ll take better care of myself.”

Kaneki seemed satisfied with his answer, and went back to looking out from their spot as he ate the last of his increasingly melted ice cream. Once Hide saw Kaneki had finished it, he reached up to tug at Kaneki’s sleeve.

“You should lie down too. It’s nice like this,” he said.

Kaneki shifted to lie down next to Hide and look up at the sky with him. By now the sun was setting enough that they were in no danger of it getting in their eyes if they looked directly up, and the sky was painted in a warm orange with flecks of pink and purple.

“By the way Hide,” Kaneki rolled over and poked him. “You know the cranes’ wish is just a legend right? It wouldn’t happen for real.”

“I-I know that! But-!” Hide protested. “Well-! I thought I could at least try!”

Kaneki looked at him, and then shook his head with a small smile on his face. Hide always felt relieved seeing Kaneki smile, especially now.  

Hide didn’t know if he was ever going to truly stop doing everything in his power to bring a smile back to Kaneki’s face. But maybe now, not at the expense of his own.

Kaneki would smile when they could both smile together.