Archive of Our Own

It's been so long since the last time Neil had the freedom to let the window down and feel the wind against his face. A learned response of his was to hold himself back from doing so - his mother had beaten the desire out of him a long time ago. Even during his time with the Foxes, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. The imagined berating from his mother would prove to be too much.

Right now, though.

Right now, Neil was in the front seat, feeling like a kid on Christmas. He pressed the car window switch and stuck his head outside, letting his eyes get a feel of Oceanside’s scenery. The palm trees which stretched along for miles on end danced to the wind’s rhythm.

“We’re on a road trip, motherfuckers!” Neil yelled, loud enough for a few passersby to stare at him. He stuck an arm out and felt the satisfying breeze in between his fingers. They passed by a large golden retriever that barked at them.

“Let ‘em know, Josten,” Andrew said, sneaking a look at the rearview mirror. His hands were steady on the wheel. “Let the world fucking know.”

“Andrew, you’re an ass.” Neil’s reply lacked any sort of acidity, and Andrew scoffed.

Because he was allowed, Neil kept his head outside a bit longer, drinking in this part of California, and loving it for how it was. He wouldn’t switch Palmetto out for Oceanside for the top spot on his list of favorite places in the state, but this was definitely a contender. The early afternoon sun was bright but not overbearing, and not so far off was the ocean, the blue-green waves moving back and forth.

It faintly smelled like saltwater and sunblock. It felt - for lack of a better word - serene.

Neil shut the car window and sat up straight, staring at the road ahead of them. He was too excited to keep up his banter with Andrew. Because for once in his life, he was travelling to places for the sake of travelling, not because he needed to escape from something or someone.

For once, he was going somewhere with no end goal in mind. Just going, and just being. And he was doing it with Andrew.

“I wonder what it’s like to live by the ocean,” Neil said wistfully, resting his head against the headrest. His words triggered a brief memory of his mother’s bones buried by the ocean. It flashed through his mind, much like how a stone would skip across a lake, and then it was gone. It didn’t bother him so much now.

“Must be a lot of work.”

“Why? Because you’d have to deal with tourists asking you for directions?”

“That, and having to wear sunblock constantly. Sun’s a bitch.”

The edge of Neil’s mouth quirked up at that. “Bold of you to assume you’d be outside often enough to need to do that.”

“Uh, bold of you to assume you won’t attract trouble and need me to go outside and help your ass. Next.”

Neil shook his head and tugged on Andrew’s hoodie sleeve lightly. As he leaned back and adjusted his car seat, Andrew blinked and switched gears.

With slightly closed eyes, Neil observed the state of the road. The cars around them varied - some were vans like the one they were in, others were flashy convertibles, some were deliver trucks with brand names on the side. He recognized a Volvo a fifth of a mile ahead of them, courtesy of the car knowledge he’d gotten from just being with Andrew.

While Neil could never consider himself half the car expert that Andrew was, he treasured what little tidbits of knowledge he had. He knew how to make an oil change. He knew how to change tires. He could tell what a tire pressure monitoring system was implying.

The moment Neil truly got a feel for Andrew’s in-depth interest in cars was one of the very instances he got an insight into just how deeply the goalkeeper could care for something. ‘Passionate’ was one way to describe it.  ‘Spirited’ also had a nice ring to it. But overall, it had struck a chord in Neil, laying one of the most essential foundations for who Andrew could be - a person capable of caring.

“Cars used to mean so many different things to me.” A white taxi beside them made a turn to the right. “Sometimes, it was ‘escape’. Or ‘hideout’, because every new car meant we were on the way to a new hiding spot. Other times, it was ‘corpse storage’. That last one stuck for a really long time. It was hard.”

Andrew hummed in acknowledgement. His fingers absentmindedly tapped against the steering wheel as he checked for something on the side view mirror.

“I never forgot about how my dad was well-connected enough that he knew several car dealers in America, even the underground ones. One of his top contacts was this Swiss dealer in Zurich. Which was why we took great care to take off or cover the plate numbers of the cars we hijacked and stole, and cautiously avoided the roads with police patrols.”

One of Nathan’s prized possessions had been a gray Mercedes-Benz, top tier performance and sleek features. The black leather seats were plush and polished to within an inch of its life. Nathan had gone the whole nine yards and made the windows tinted and even upgraded the speakers, even if he never listened to music inside the car.

Neil remembered the call that Nathan had given his Swiss dealer friend, full of praises and promises and referrals for a few good friends of his in America. The Swiss dealer must’ve been extremely pleased. To get good reviews from the Nathan Wesninski meant setting in stone good things for the future.

Neil also remembered the black eye that Mary had incurred, right after a splotch of bird poop got on one of the windows. He never understood how his mother had deserved that. But for Nathan, it was a fitting punishment, because how dare she not have the initiative to clean it up and maybe this’ll teach you to have more of a spine, you bitch.

Neil knew many other things were said, but he had done his best to block it all out and force himself to go to sleep.

The dark bruise had bloomed brightly the next day, and Neil had gotten a glimpse of it as they all ate breakfast together. Mary had a small, sad smile on her face, one that Neil knew was for him. He had opted to look down at his plate and his plate only, because he didn’t think he had it in himself to look at any of them.

“Being on the road now, without anything to worry about… It...” Neil shrugged. He put one hand against his window. “It’s different. In a good way.”

“What do cars mean to you now?”

They were in front of a stoplight, the red light beckoning for people to cross the street. Andrew leaned forward a bit and looked at Neil, his eyes seemingly searching for something. Neil looked back on with a stillness in him. He had learned a long time ago to face this kind of gaze without squirming.

“I don’t know,” Neil answered honestly. He crossed his arms and exhaled slowly. Unknowingly, he had been holding a breath in. “But they do remind me of you a lot.”

Andrew said nothing as he turned back to the road. Even as the stoplight turned green, Neil didn’t miss the way Andrew’s jaw tensed.

Traffic in this part of California was light and trouble-free today. Based on previous experience, Neil didn’t think he could say the same for, say, Los Angeles traffic, so he was thankful they weren’t there. He really didn’t know if Andrew would take well to being flagged down for a road violation. Or if Andrew would stop driving at all.

If Neil’s calculations were correct, they were going to reach San Clemente within the next thirty minutes or so. Since their last stop, they’ve been on the road for almost three hours. Neil knew that most people absolutely hated being in the same vehicle for hours on end, doing absolutely nothing but being a passenger, but he found that he didn’t mind it one bit. He thought about the miscellaneous items he had brought along with him to keep him occupied, and now thought that boredom was as far away from him as they both were from their apartment.

Their preparations for the road trip had been meticulous and thorough, and it had taken weeks before either of them could truly say they were ready to leave. Andrew had been the one to choose the Pacific Coast Highway, which Neil didn’t think to question back then. He did, however, ask about several other details of their trip preparations.

If it was just going to be the two of us, then why bring the Volkswagen?

So that if I end up murdering you on this road trip, I’ll have enough space for clean-up.

Andrew’s face as he replied was so deadpan that Neil had laughed out loud. He had shrugged on his jacket hood and shaken his hair out of his eyes. Allison should really cut his hair soon.

You’re gonna need backup, I think.

Andrew had looked at Neil pointedly before he took his sleeping bag out of his cabinet. Then he scoffed, closing the cabinet and turning to his unzipped bag.

You underestimate me and my capabilities.

Where are we going again? I don’t remember you ever saying.

You’ll know soon enough.

Their map of the Pacific Coast Highway had not given Neil any clue as to where they could be headed. He had a few guesses, but they were all based off of the so-called ‘highlights’ of the highway - San Francisco, Long Beach, Big Sur.

But then after having known Andrew for so long, Neil knew that Andrew wasn’t the type to go for clichés.

And Neil was perfectly fine with that. 

-*-

The VW, one among Andrew’s prized possessions, was comfortable enough that Neil had eventually fallen asleep. The next time he opened his eyes, his phone told him it was already half-past three in the afternoon.

“We’re stopping soon for breakfast,” Andrew said. “There’s a place by Dana Point.”

Matt had sent in a text, asking how they were doing. Neil’s body being heavy with sleep, one of his hands moved out of his hoodie pocket to type out a sufficient enough reply.

we’re fine

“Sorry, I fell asleep,” Neil replied, rubbing his eyes. His stomach rumbled lightly with the idea of breakfast food. Their last meal had been back at this Oceanside stop, and it hadn’t been a very good experience. Basically, the waitress had been particularly grumpy, setting Andrew off. They got their orders, but only after Andrew had two newcomers to the restaurant try it to test for poison.

What? Andrew had asked, Neil with a look of disbelief on his face, as the two samplers both walked away with mouthfuls of pancake and eggs. They had looked happy, and even asked what they both ordered. Better safe than sorry.

“Would prefer that than you annoying me all the damn time, actually.”

“Aw, you’re so sweet.”

They passed by several trees, their leaves dark green and swaying with the wind. The VW’s engine was still smoothly running after several hours on the road, and outside, the sun was beginning to show less of its face among the clouds.

Dana Point was pretty quiet at this time of the day. Neil appreciated the greenness of the clear-cut grass, the stretch of the water all around, the boats in the far distance. He hoped Andrew was enjoying the views as much as he was. If there was anything Neil wanted to take away from this entire trip, it was the sights. Even if it was just California, he wanted to keep every single detail in his mind. He wanted to remember how it all looked. How it all felt.

You’re bringing binoculars with you? Andrew’s voice had been part amused and part teasing as he zipped up his bag.

You never know when we’ll need to look at something from a distance.

Neil wanted to look at the birds in the trees or up in the sky. He wanted to see deer move in the shadows of the forests. He wanted to be able to look upon the sun setting, if ever he and Andrew didn’t get a good spot to look.

Life was really too short to keep on seeing things from afar.

Whatever. Andrew had tossed Neil his neck pillow, orange and soft and slightly lumpy. It had been a birthday gift from Dan, because she remembered that Neil liked sleeping after away games. Don’t forget to bring this.

Leaning his neck back into his neck pillow, Neil was silently thankful Andrew had made him bring this. He didn’t think the trip would be bearable with a stiff neck. He felt his phone vibrate in his hoodie pocket.

He saw Matt’s great! Stay safe, you two text and smiled. He should really ask if Andrew wanted to go on a double date with Dan and Matt. That would be fun.

Or, at least, fun for him and a few hours of tolerance and coming-out-of-the-shell for Andrew.

Whatever. Neil knew that Andrew would crack and smile a few times.

“I can’t wait to eat,” Neil declared, straightening up a little in his seat. “Hopefully there’s-- wait. Andrew, pull over.” He craned his neck to confirm what he thought he was seeing.

“Why?”

“Just-- there’s a cat over there.” An orange tabby sat by the side of the road, sitting on its tail. It was licking one of its paws.

“Hmm. Curious.” Andrew slowed the car down to a stop, just a couple feet away from the cat. Neil unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the van, stretching for a bit after he did so. After checking whether or not Andrew would follow him out (he didn’t), he began to make his way near the cat.

This was the first stray animal they’d seen in the hours they’ve been on the road. What Neil found weird was that it didn’t look like the usual stray - it was groomed, it looked fed, and… judging from its face, it had almost the same attitude as King and Sir. As Neil approached, its green eyes shone with wariness.

“Hey, you,” Neil said gently, squatting and stretching out a hand. The cat shied away from his touch, but didn’t hiss. Which Neil took as a good sign. The initial distrust, at least, confirmed that this cat was normal. He withdrew his hand and continued talking.

“I don’t know who left you here, or why they did, but I’m telling you now: they made a big mistake, letting you go. I may not know you, but I do know two other cats that have made my life very fulfilling. I don’t think they’d mind if a third one joined them.”

The cat blinked once, twice, and stood up on its legs. Its tail swished from side to side.

“And see that man over there?” Neil pointed a thumb towards the VW, and he saw Andrew fiddling with his phone. Which he almost never did.

What a rare sight. Amused, Neil rolled his eyes, and turned to face the cat again.

“His name is Andrew. He looks like he doesn’t care about what’s happening right now. That’s how he usually is. But there’s more to him than that. Trust me. He’s never going to hear these exact words from me, but believe me when I say that he’s got a heart like no other.”

In that moment, Neil was suddenly glad that only the cat could hear him. Vulnerability was never really their strong suit, so he kept a lot of these feelings to himself. King has been witness to some of these thoughts himself, but only when Neil was feeling extremely introspective.

When Neil reached out to the cat again, his hand was met with a furry head, and his words were met with a soft purr.

“Yeah,” Neil whispered, running his hand across the cat’s backside. “Exactly.”

-*-

Harbor House Café was a reasonably sized red diner with a good amount of parking space and very old-school interior design. The walls were covered with framed black-and-white photos, and from the ceiling hung signs with references. Maroon booths cornered light-red-and-silver tables, and music was playing from a couple of overhead speakers.

Neil slid into a booth and unzipped his bag halfway. The cat’s tiny head popped out, and Andrew slid into the booth opposite them. He eyed them both with a hint of disdain.

“He isn’t even that cute,” Andrew motioned for the waitress to give them two menus. “King is going to be so jealous.”

“I saw how you looked when you first saw Prince. You already think the world of him.”

“Remind me again why the trend of naming cats after royalty should be continued.”

“Because, Andrew. That’s why.”

The inspiration for Sir Fat Cat McCaterson and King Fluffkins had mostly come from Nicky, with Sir’s name among a bunch of other ridiculous names. All his suggestions had come from royalty references, and Neil had forgotten his explanation as to why. Maybe Nicky was out of it that day.

Neil had spent the rest of the ride to the café coming up with a name for the orange kitten, and after the occasional deliberation with Andrew, he figured Prince Kitty Van Fur had a nice ring to it. Prince had licked his hand when he suggested it, and Andrew had shaken his head, looking into the side view mirrors as he was reverse parking by the side of the diner.

Right now, Prince had his head on the outside of Neil’s bag, a light orange against the white-and-orange design, and Neil couldn’t stop petting his head.

“The hotcake combo looks good,” Andrew pointed out, as if he didn’t already have pancakes at the last meal stop. He continued to scour the menu, absentmindedly tapping his foot against Neil’s.

Neil noticed the wide range of omelette options, the various sides that each meal could have. America really did think of everything.

Well, everything except health standards. 

“I think I’ll go for…” Neil said, drifting off as he waited for the waitress to approach. He pointed at the omelettes part of the menu. “Hi. What’s good here?”

The waitress had a pad and pen out. She had dark hair pulled back into a ponytail, and a smile practiced enough that she didn’t actually look tired from serving customers all day.

“The stats say the Country Omelette gets a lot of attention, but I’ve personally liked the Mediterranean Omelette since the day I tried it.” She shrugged. “I haven’t ordered anything else since.”

Neil didn’t do anything to hide how impressed he was that the recommendation was so personal.

“Fine. I’ll get the Mediterranean. Uh… tortillas, home fries, and some orange juice with that, please.”

“Sure thing. And what about you, sir?”

Andrew blinked once at the menu. “The hotcake combo. Sunny-side up eggs. With bacon. I’ll also have a hot coffee.”

“Okay. And what about Mister Kitty Cat over there?”

Prince looked up and responded accordingly to the waitress’ cooing, purring as the waitress touched her hand to his head. Andrew rolled his eyes, and Neil stifled a laugh.  

“He’ll have the fish ‘n chips,” Andrew answered, as Prince pawed the menu once. The waitress nodded, pet Prince once more, and left. Neil put a hand to his mouth in fake shock.

“Andrew. You care about him already.”

The side of Neil’s leg was met with a light kick. “No.”

“Oh, come on. He isn’t that bad.”

Neil lifted Prince out of his bag and looked into his eyes. The green eyes were sharp and calculating, and Neil knew he had another owner, but he loved him already. He wondered why he was left on the road for anyone to pick up.

“You see yourself in him,” Andrew said, realization lighting up his face, and Neil put the cat down on his lap. “A little bit.”

“Why do you think so?”

“He’s a cat left to fend for himself. Alone. By the side of the road. Instead of wandering off, he decided to stay in one place, and see if there was anything arriving for him. And arrive we did. If he had it his way, he probably would’ve just caught a ride with us and left us by the next two exits.”

“Your skepticism when it comes to hitchhiking goes without saying.”

“I know you have a fetish for catching rides with strangers, but I don’t share the same sentiment.”

“It’s not a fetish. It just made getting around easier.”

“Just because the one time we hitchhiked was a success, doesn’t mean I’ll willingly do it again.”

The last time Neil had hitchhiked had been with Andrew, back when they were still in PSU. The BMW had broken down due to a cracked alloy. It wasn’t a fix that they could’ve done on the road, and with around three hours between where they were and PSU, Neil knew that they both needed to leave the car behind. Andrew had been very hesitant at first, but after a few minutes of silence and Neil having to text Matt that they were fine, he had given in.

How many times have you hitchhiked?

I’ve done it for around… four fifths of my life? I mean, it’s worked enough that it got me here--

Fine. But if you get us killed, I swear--

Neil didn’t wait for Andrew to finish his sentence back then, and had gotten out of the car and looked for any vehicles on the road. Eventually, a friendly truck driver (who happened to be an Exy fan) had given them a lift to a bus stop near PSU, and eventually, they had gotten home.

“Well, if anything,” Neil said, stroking Prince from head to tail. “I’m glad Prince stuck around for us to come across him. Makes you think, yeah? What life would’ve been like if I hadn’t stuck around back then.”

Andrew looked at him, thinking his answer through. Something about the way the light hit his face made him look a little more soulful. Neil was pretty sure that Andrew remembered their very first interaction - a racquet hitting Neil in the ribs, and Neil trying his best to run away. Neil almost saying no, because the first impression made wasn’t exactly the glowing one that Wymack had hoped it would be.

It wasn’t exactly a shining moment for the both of them.

And yet, they’ve come this far.

Prince peered into Neil’s hoodie pocket. The tapping against Neil’s foot stopped briefly, then continued.

“Life would’ve been a lot more boring. That’s for sure.”

It was more than Neil could ever expect from Andrew. Neil winked. “Honest. I appreciate it.”

“Shut up.”

It was around half-past four in the afternoon. The other people in Harbor House Café comprised of three small families and one other couple, all of whom already received their orders. Noise in the café was a bearable buzz, along with the ring of the bell whenever new people came in. Neil was silently glad no one recognized the both of them here. As much as Neil was the more inviting one of the both of them, he didn’t think he was up to sign any autographs today.

He remembered one particular Exy fan instance clear as day over several others. It had happened the night after Neil’s pro team (the San Diego Wolves) had won a very close game against Andrew’s pro team (the Tijuana Tigers). Neil and Andrew had been both on the court when the winning shot happened, so of course the paps had each of their own speculations, and they were both the talk of three separate sports networks later that night.

Andrew had come home to seeing someone next to Neil on the couch. It was one of their neighbors, a kind old lady that smelled of flowers and mothballs. She had Neil’s hand in hers, and was saying something the moment Andrew had opened the door.

You know, you and that boy, you both will go very, very far.

She (Mrs. Etherton, Neil remembered) was patting Neil’s hand and smiling gently. Andrew had raised an eyebrow, but had chosen not to comment. Neil side-eyed him dumping his bag by the counter and turned back to Mrs. Etherton with a small smile.

Thank you, ma’am. It’s so nice of you to say that.

Mrs. Etherton had blinked up at Neil, humming her approval. The drone of the television in front of them was barely registering in Neil’s head. It was some news on Kevin now, which these days was unsurprising - if both Andrew and Neil made it to the news, there was almost always a reason for Kevin to be featured too.

Would you boys fancy a slice of my homemade pineapple upside-down cake? It’s not nearly as good without some good company. I’m sure your coaches wouldn’t mind if you both had a bit of a cheat day.  I have some ice cream in my fridge too, if you boys would like that.

And Neil was about to say no, because it really was so embarrassing. He didn’t think he deserved this lady’s kindness after having walked past her for so long  without so much as a greeting. If his memory served him right, Andrew had frowned at Mrs. Etherton maybe once or twice. Just because he was Andrew.

Ma’am, we would absolutely love that.

Andrew’s voice, political around the edges, sounded from the counter. Mrs. Etherton’s surprise had shown on her face, and it was followed by an even wider smile. As she stood up and excitedly went back to her apartment, Neil had placed his chin on the back of the couch, looked back at Andrew, and made a face. Neil’s raised eyebrow went ignored.

Instead, Andrew had shrugged, and went to sit on the armchair next to the couch. His blond hair was getting a little longer than usual, and Neil didn’t think he had it in himself to tell Andrew that he liked it that way.

You were about to turn down free cake and ice cream, junkie. I can’t let that happen. Ever.

Prince jumped up on their table and stepped on a particular spot a few times, before settling down. The music playing on the speakers made Neil want to sleep, and he slouched a little, snuggling in his hoodie. He didn’t even feel like eating anymore. He just wanted to close his eyes for a bit and savor the moment.

Because Neil thought--no, he knew that it was unlikely that a moment like this would ever come again.

“I don’t think the cat should be on the table,” Andrew muttered, and Neil’s eyes fluttered open a bit. Andrew was looking disapprovingly at Prince, who was licking a paw for show.

Neil almost laughed. It was exactly the kind of attitude that King had.

“He’ll behave.”

Even with his droopy eyes, Neil didn’t miss the way Andrew’s hand moved to pet Prince’s head, and Prince purring up into it, before Andrew crossed his arms again.

-*-

Because the VW didn’t have enough room to fit the two of them and neither of them wanted to spend money on a hotel unless they absolutely needed to, they resorted to camping. Which was fine, for the most part. Neil didn’t mind the outdoors - it was something he had gotten used to, ever since his runaway days, all of which had the occasional consequence of not having a roof over their heads.

The magic behind having the VW with them was the fact that it had so much space, more than enough for everything they needed. The first time Neil had ever seen it was a few days after Andrew announced they were going on a road trip. It had appeared just outside their apartment, and its light blue-and-white exterior made Neil think that it wasn’t one of Andrew’s cars. Or maybe he was just too used to their black BMW and dark gray Mitsubishi.

Walking down their building’s stairs in one of Andrew’s t-shirts and jogging pants, Neil had squinted a bit to make sure that it really was Andrew taking his things out of the van. He had barely been able to reach out and catch the thrown VW key.

One of yours?

Yeah. Got it from one of those storage basements a couple towns over.

Neil had walked over to the van and touched one of its windows. It looked new, but the fact that it was in a storage basement meant it was Andrew’s for a really long time. That, and the fact that he was really good at maintaining his cars.

A tiny bit of excitement had shot through Neil, because wow and this is really happening and I’m going on a road trip and it’s with Andrew.

From his sleeping bag, Neil looked at the van with bleary eyes. For all its oldschool glory, it hadn’t broken down once in the days that Andrew was driving it. And they had gotten to so many places, too. Neil was slightly in awe that it was functioning so well.

They’d gone fishing in Huntington Beach, as per Neil’s suggestion. It was a quiet beach with salty-minty smelling air and soft sand. The locals, after their initial starstruck moment, were very friendly and helpful, and were also a bit in awe that Andrew and Neil had time out of their busy schedules to do “normal people stuff”. After politely shooing away the locals (or after Neil did, anyway), they were able to find a quiet spot by one of the docks. Neil wasn’t able to get the hang of fishing so much as Andrew did, and after three hours of gradually building frustration and impatience, they left. Later that night, the nearby seafood restaurant saw a smirking Andrew that caught four trout and an annoyed Neil that caught none.

The Santa Monica Mountains, a coastal mountain range just a few hours off the highway, was one that Neil appreciated for the physical challenge of exploration. Their hike had taken a whole seven hours, with Prince in the back of Neil’s backpack popping out every once in a while to look outside. From up there, Neil felt like he’d seen everything - birds up in the sky flying in formation, a puma running after a deer, a family on their own hike taking a group photo. Andrew had pointed at a hot-air balloon somewhere in the distance, and Neil had tried to take a picture that made it looked like Andrew was holding it between his fingers.

Andrew had shown a lot more interest than Neil thought he would when they passed by The Getty Villa, a former tycoon’s residence modeled after a first-century Italian villa. It was white and big and majestic and everything Neil didn’t want in a home. In all honesty, he thought their two-bedroom apartment (one bedroom for when guests came over) was pretty much home already. Still, he felt some sort of pull towards the intricacy of the designs, the several statues of important personalities. He took pictures of the gardens and of Andrew, who was too absorbed in his interest to notice. Every time they came by a display, Neil himself had the recurring thought that there is a story here, one that should be understood and absorbed every bit of the villa. Andrew, for his end, had actually taken it upon himself to constantly ask questions to their tour guide, who was, thankfully, more than happy to indulge.

Now, it was a quarter past six in the morning. The sun still hasn’t risen, and the birds were still quiet. Neil’s built-in body clock was telling him to jog, but he didn’t feel like it just yet. He looked over at Andrew, still asleep, with one of his arms tucked underneath his head. A bit of drool was making its way out of Andrew’s slightly open mouth.

They were in a very secluded part of Parker Canyon, near the lake. And because it wasn’t normal with Neil to go back to sleep, he decided to inch out of his sleeping bag and get up. Because he was unfamiliar with the area, a morning swim seemed like a better idea than running.

He walked over to the lake, taking off his hoodie as he did so. It was a little chilly this morning, but Neil didn’t mind. Hypothermia didn’t seem like a pressing concern. When it came down to it, Neil actually preferred cold over hot. From showers to coffee, his choice didn’t differ at all.

“It’s fine, I won’t die,” Neil murmured, looking down at the lake in his shirt and joggers. He took all his clothes off, and looked over his shoulder one last time. Andrew was still asleep, and would still be for another hour at most. He took a deep breath, and lowered himself into the water.

To his pleasant surprise, the water was a bearable temperature. At Neil’s height, the water almost came up to his chest. After a few seconds of getting used to the lake, Neil began to go underwater, and moved his arms to maneuver himself forward.

Out of the corner of his eye, a few fish swam closer, then away from him. The water pushed and pulled against his body in a good way. He began a casual breaststroke, going up and down and forward.

Because Exy was always going to be his number one sport, Neil didn’t allot much time for others. Sure, he was into running enough that it could put up one hell of a fight, but just the idea of going into track & field bored Neil to death. It was a very straightforward sport - starting point, around the oval, finish line. Exy, while it had the same one-way goal, needed the physical capability as well as the creativity and mental prowess to back things up. The plays, the rush, the attitudes, it was all part of something Neil just couldn’t live without.

Still, swimming was something else, because underwater, everyone was equal, and everything just fell away. Underwater, Neil could close his eyes and his only problem would be not being able to breathe.

Neil carried himself a few feet away from the edge of the lake and went back up. The water had risen up a bit, halfway across his chest now.  He put his hands through his wet hair and took a deep breath.

Gradually, he felt all the knots in his body being undone. The feeling of being relaxed seemed foreign, even years after the dangerous part of their lives. He didn’t know if there was something that could ever be done about that. Being on edge seemed a more essential part of him than anything else. Maybe chilling out... just wasn’t him.

But now, he felt so at peace. And the best part about it is that he didn’t need to worry about anyone ruining that.

“What are you doing.”

A sleep-rumpled Andrew stood at the edge of the lake, looking down at Neil’s clothes with a grimace. Neil waved at him and waded backwards, his arms fluidly working with him.

“Going for a swim,” Neil answered, even if Andrew didn’t ask it like a question.

Andrew wrinkled his nose, then yawned into one of his hands.

“Join me, the water is awesome.”

“Or you can come back here and get dressed. The schedule doesn’t take kindly to extra morning activities.”

“If you’re trying to sound like Kevin, you’re not making me miss him any more than I already do… which I don’t.”

From where he was, Neil saw the amusement on Andrew’s face. “Jerk.”

“You like it.”

“Do you not want to get breakfast?”

“Later. Swim now.”

Neil pouted, until Andrew gave the most dramatic sigh ever, and started taking off his shirt.

“That’s it!” Neil gave a playful smile. “Andrew, I’m gonna make it worth. Your. While.”

“Oh really?” Andrew was down to his briefs now. He rolled his shoulders back and stretched his arms to one side. “Are you--”

“Fully naked? Yep.”

Andrew looked up to the skies in disbelief as he took off his briefs too. “The heavens are frowning upon you for what you’re subjecting this lake’s fishes to.”

Neil rolled his eyes at his theatrics. He gave Andrew the finger. “Asshole.”

Then Neil was a bit taken aback as Andrew leaned forward, put his hands up, and dove into the water.

When Andrew went back up, it was a few inches away from Neil, who couldn’t help but clap a little and be impressed. Even though diving was a survival tactic, it was one Neil never picked up on.

“Since when did you learn how to dive?”

Andrew shrugged, and rolled his shoulders back. The water graciously rippled along with him.

“It was something I learned back in one of my many high schools. Little ol’ me figured it would be useful someday. That was way before Exy.”

Neil would’ve loved to know how Andrew was back in high school. “Any other memories there worth remembering?”

“Everyone was their own brand of dumb. Even the smartasses weren’t worth knowing.”

A high school experience was something that Neil never got to fully appreciate. Millport wasn’t the most excellent high school, and he was there for the Exy, not for the education. The few friends that he had there didn’t stick around long enough for them to matter. His teachers took a mix of pity and disdain on him, but enough of the former to be understanding when it came to his behavior in class. And all of that only lasted a year, because while everyone else had school as their top priority, he was mostly busy following his mother’s orders and trying to get rid of the target painted on his back.

He wondered what his mother would think of him, if she were still alive now. If she would think that everything Neil has done to get to this point was worth it.

“High school just sounds like a place where it’s acceptable to be young and stupid. Like every mistake comes with an It’s-okay-you’ll-learn-from-this package. A part of me wishes I could understand what that’s like though.”

“The whole time I knew you in PSU, you were young and stupid.”

Neil rolled his eyes and splashed some water on Andrew’s face. “And you’ve been stuck with me for how many years now?”

Andrew spat out what water got in his mouth quickly enough to reply, “Enough to make me question why I’m still here.”

Even with the retort, Andrew waded nearer behind Neil, and began to wrap his arms around Neil’s torso. Smirking, Neil leaned back, closing his eyes as Andrew slowly kissed up his shoulder. One of Andrew’s arms went up to pinch one of his nipples.

“You know, we aren’t in college anymore,” Neil murmured, rubbing his hands across Andrew’s forearms.

Andrew mumbled into Neil’s neck, “I already know I’m older than you, Neil.”

“Mmm. Not complaining.”

“Not by a lot.”

“Still older.”

“Okay, Mister Fountain of Youth.”

As Neil turned around, he put both arms around Andrew’s neck and stared into Andrew’s eyes. The hazel was piercing and fierce, enough to make Neil’s heart skip a beat.

Yeah, no matter what his mother thought of his life right now, Neil would go back and do everything exactly the same. If it meant getting to this point, he wouldn’t change a damn thing.

Andrew reached for Neil’s legs and wrapped them around his torso. “Yes or no?”

“Yes.”

With Andrew’s lips against his, Neil let himself forget about everything else. He put one of his hands in Andrew’s hair and moaned softly as Andrew maneuvered the both of them towards one end of the lake. They stayed there in the water for a little bit longer than they were planning to, kissing a good part of the morning away.

-*-

Between the both of them, Neil knew that Andrew was the more attentive one. In all their years at PSU, and even after, there was never a single moment that Andrew wasn’t more in tune with their surroundings than Neil was. One thing Neil learned early on was this: as much as Andrew wanted to make it seem like he didn’t care, he did, and he often paid better attention to detail than Neil did.

Even after having lived a life on the run, Neil apparently still had the tendency to be dense, as pointed out by all of the Foxes. Up to this day, Neil didn’t know how that was possible, but accepted it for what it was.

Which was why Neil found it a little off when he was the one that first noticed the young woman flagging them down for a ride around half a mile away. Her arm waved up and down, a motion Neil was all too familiar with.

“Andrew,” Neil said, waiting for Andrew to stop checking the rearview mirror. He craned his neck to see the young woman better. “We should pull over.”

“For what?”

“That lady over there needs a ride.”

Blinking a few times, Andrew slowed down his driving, and looked at where the young woman was. Neil felt a bit hopeful that Andrew was actually considering the idea.

“Nope. Waste of time.”

“Oh, come on, she probably needs us!”

The woman was more visible now, someone in her mid-thirties with brown hair tied back into a messy ponytail and a red plaid shirt buttoned up and tied towards the end. Her left pant leg was rolled up, and she seemed to favor her right leg in her limp. She had a backpack behind her and a fanny pack around her waist.

A lot of baggage for someone potentially dangerous. Neil had to laugh. He was willing to bet all of his Exy savings that she just needed to be dropped off at the next gas station or something.

They were coming closer to the woman, who didn’t give up flagging them down. Andrew was shaking his head.

“If this ends up being a disaster, it’s on you.”

Neil said nothing, and instead opened his door the moment Andrew pulled over beside the woman. He put a hand up to shield himself from the harsh sun, and, after a beat of not being noticed, waved in the woman’s face with his other hand.

The woman was jolted out her thoughts, the corners of a worried expression still pulling at her face. Briefly, Neil noticed the small scar above her eyebrow.

“Oh.” The woman nodded. “I’m Jade. Sorry, um, I must’ve been… too in my thoughts there.”

“Anywhere we could bring you to? We’re headed--” Neil looked back at the VW, and saw Andrew scrolling down his phone. He looked back at the woman--Jade--and scratched the back of his neck.

Huh. For the first time in a while, Neil actually had no clue where they were going.

And even though he expected to, he didn’t feel any unease about that. Weird.

“Well. We’re headed away from here, at least.”

Jade nodded, and didn’t hesitate to give Neil her backpack--a little heavier than Neil had anticipated--when he offered a hand. She limped all the way to the VW, and struggled a bit with getting inside while Neil patiently helped her up. Afterwards, Neil placed her backpack beside her, closed the backseat door, and got back inside.

Andrew eyed Jade with the rear-view mirror and nodded politely. “Andrew.”

“Hi. Jade. Listen, just get me to the nearest… I don’t know, gas station or something. I need to make a call.”

Neil ignored the scoff that was about to come up from within him at this woman’s predictability. Next thing I know, you’ll be asking us for some water.

As they got back on the road, Neil checked his phone’s GPS while Andrew prodded, “Wouldn’t it be better though if we get you to someplace with a motel? Not that I care.”

“No, they’ll be on my heels if I checked in one of those. I shouldn’t even be on this ride with you guys, you both seem like respectable folks. Wouldn’t want to disrupt your road trip.”

“No, it’s fine,” Neil said, at the same time Andrew replied, “If you say so.”

Neil shot Andrew a small glare before looking back at the rear-view mirror. “Who are you running away from?”

“Ah, and wouldn’t you like to know.”

“Well, we care enough to give you a ride, don’t we?”

Jade raised an eyebrow. “And why the fuck would you want to know?”

Neil gritted his teeth. He was getting annoyed by this woman. Right now, he was torn between reaching back and grabbing Jade by the ponytail and punching through his window.

Still, he kept it in, because he understood the uncertainty, the fear of someone wanting to know your story. He probably acted the same around the Foxes during his first few months with them. As much as he wanted to know who they needed to look out for, he also needed to remember how he also was pretty much scared out of his wits all those years ago.

Somehow, looking into the rearview mirror felt like looking into a mirror and time-travelling, feeling the Butcher’s men at his heels once again. He heard Andrew clear his throat, and knew that he was bracing to lash out should Neil feel anything but at ease.

He knew that it’s been years, but it was still enough to put him off sometimes.

Instead of responding, Neil reached forward and turned on the radio, cranking the volume up a bit on a semi-cheerful song. Andrew exhaled, a mix of relief and faint amusement in his eyes as he spared Neil a glance. He flexed and wiggled his fingers around the wheel.

“If you’re going to make the situation more uncomfortable, stop it,” Neil hissed, earning a smirk from Andrew.

In the backseat, he heard Jade lean back and huff, but nothing more.

-*-

It was only after a couple bites of a double cheeseburger and around five fries that Jade began telling them what her story was. On their end, Neil had opted for some chicken fingers, and Andrew had to be bribed into getting his own cheeseburger with an extra thick and extra large milkshake. The waitress had to endure three minutes of Neil persuading Andrew to get something into his stomach that would actually be fundamental to his system. He only agreed after making the waitress add extra whipped cream to his milkshake.

“Don’t ask,” Neil said, shaking his head as Andrew glared at his freshly prepared cheeseburger like it was evil. He did his best to keep his laugh in as he saw Andrew take the top bun off to reveal that the burger patty had a ketchup smiley lovingly drawn on it.

When Jade prompted once more for Neil to explain, he sighed. “If I don’t make him eat, he’ll run on sugar all day.”

Jade nodded, and bit on a cheese-covered fry. “Mmm. I can relate. My three year-old is nuts when he doesn’t get his way with food. Good thing I know how to handle them.”

“You have more than one kid?

“The three year-old is the youngest. I’ve got two older boys, the eldest with his own family now and the second away at college. It’s really only me and Mikey.”

Neil guessed that Mikey was the three year-old. “That’s a lot on your plate.”

“Tell me about it. I don’t know how mothers with five or more kids do it.”

“Honestly, my personal limit is two kids, so you’re kind of a superstar in my book.”

“I don’t know what pushed me to get pregnant a third time, honestly.”

“And their father is… where?”

The period of silence that followed was long enough for Andrew to stop chewing. Neil blinked at Jade, unsure if he just wasn’t heard or if he was actually being ignored on purpose. After another half-minute, Andrew looked underneath their table and kicked.

“Ow!” Jade brought her foot up and glared. “What was that for?”

“He asked you a question.”

Jade kept her frown on for a bit more, than sighed. She leaned back and surveyed the ceiling. Neil was close to bringing up another topic, because he didn’t want to make her more uncomfortable, but then she spoke.

“For being my ride, I guess I owe you both something honest, at least. Their father -- my now ex-husband -- wasn’t… exactly… the man I married. At first, I thought he would change. It was only the little things, anyway, mostly excusable, some easy to brush off. And then I kept telling myself that as long as the kids weren’t part of his bullshit, then it’d be fine. And then… well, let’s just say I’m sorry I didn’t let the first bruise motivate me to leave.”

Beside him, Neil felt Andrew tense up, and he put a hand on Andrew’s forearm reassuringly. After swallowing her next bite, Jade shook her head and laughed bitterly.

“Marriage, right? You start off thinking that, hey, the rest of your life starts here, and it’s all the way up from then on. But no. The possibility of a downward slope should’ve been clear as day in my head. Our vows back then would die of shock if ever they got to see us now. All battered and bruised. Broken. Worse for wear. But that’s just the way things are.

“Anyway, the reason why I’m even hitchhiking like this is because I left my kids at my sister’s place while we settled our divorce. Tommy - the bastard - took the car to go to his drinking buddies right after the trial, so all I had to go away from him was public transportation. What he didn’t know at first was that I took all the cash in the safe, and the gun underneath our bed.”

Andrew cocked his head. “That doesn’t sound like much for him to hunt you down.”

“Oh, but that’s only because you didn’t let me finish. I also left some voicemails for his family and for his lover, Maria, both of which had me saying that he was a pig, a twisted liar, an abusive husband, and a cheater. I don’t know remember what order the description came in, but that’s the gist of it.” Jade smiled. “When his drunk ass comes back to our answering machine full with demands for answers, I’m sure the next thing he’ll want is to kill me.”

Even though it wasn’t as dark as Neil was expecting (or as dark as he was used to), he was still mildly impressed. Briefly, he thought he himself would do the same thing, if ever he was in a similar situation.

Although Andrew possibly being anything like Tommy was like… saying that he could possibly grow a beard in the palm of his hand. It really just wasn’t possible.

Unexpectedly, Andrew put a fist up and only flinched a little when Jade bumped hers against it. Just a little, but still enough for Neil to notice. It was oddly endearing.

“Respect,” Andrew said, nodding approvingly. "No one deserves to be treated like that."

“Thanks, man. He’s an asshole, so I need to get away from him the best way I can.”

Neil swallowed the bit of chicken finger in his mouth and nodded. “Where do you want us to drop you off later? Anyone you’ll be meeting up with?”

Jade put a hand underneath her chin. “I actually had my sister go to this joint. She’ll come ‘round with her pathetic excuse for a car. Something red and barely functional.”

Andrew perked up just a bit, enough for Neil to notice it. “What kind?”

“I don’t remember. It’s small though.”

Neil laughed into his hand as Andrew got weirdly excited. “An Opel Corsa? Kia Picanto? Maybe a Chevrolet--”

“Geez . I really don’t remember. Calm down.”

Fondly, Neil reached out and put his hand on Andrew’s arm sleeve. He shot Andrew a small smile, which grew bigger when Andrew put his hand on top of Neil’s and squeezed.

-*-

After a good two hours, they both said goodbye to Jade. This happened only after about ten minutes of Jade insisting that she pay for her part of the meal and Andrew holding her back while Neil was at the cashier. Neil turned around just in time to see Andrew roll his eyes at a resigned Jade calling him a good man.

“She’s right outside,” Jade said, shoving her phone into her back pocket.

Christine, Jade’s sister, sat on one of the benches outside, tattered denim jacket and black jeans and none of the sharpness to Jade’s edges. She had messy bangs and a smartphone in her hand. Neil didn’t have to call out, because she looked up the moment they were outside and was all smiles when she saw Jade step out.

“Hey, sis’,” Christine said, standing up and stretching her arms out for a hug.

“Are the kids okay?” Jade said, her chin on her sister’s shoulder, and Christine nodded. Neil acknowledged Christine’s smile at him with a smile of his own.

“Mind introducing me to your new friends?”

The question had Neil a little taken aback. “Oh, uh, we-- really aren’t anyone--”

Jade turned back to wink at Andrew, then said, “They’re two of the Exy players we see on the TV. Don’t they look familiar to you?”

Christine’s dark eyes roamed Neil from head to toe, and gleamed. “Oh yeah! That’s awesome. Wow. It’s not everyday a couple of superstar athletes get close to home.”

“Uh, ‘superstar’ might be a little too over the top.” Neil scratched the back of his head sheepishly, then merely blinked back at Andrew’s blank face.

Laughing, Christine withdrew from her sister’s hug and put an arm around Jade. With her other hand on her hip and her head cocked to one side, she reminded Neil a lot of Dan.

“Whatever. You should sign a couple of autographs for Jade’s kids. They’ll go nuts. I guarantee it.”

-*-

After the whole spectacle with Jade, Andrew made it a point to not take in any more hitchhikers. Neil found this particularly funny, because it was Andrew himself who told Jade to keep in touch. But he didn’t say anything more, and let Andrew carry on with the rest of his plans for their trip.

San Luis Obispo was a stop that quickly became one of Neil’s favorites, especially after they visited the Bishop Peak, said to be the tallest of nine volcanic plugs in the area. Andrew blinked at the tourists they both overheard, who were saying that the peak was named like so because it resembled a bishop’s hat.

They held hands as they made the hike up, pausing every fifteen minutes or so to take in the view and take pictures. Neil silently thanked his stars that he and Andrew were physically fit enough to enjoy the hike without worrying about the fatigue.

“Don’t trip, junkie,” Andrew said, camera in one hand. “I know you’re trying to look at everything all at once, but calm down.”

Neil was too busy with his binoculars to reply, the world around him more beautiful just because everything seemed more within his reach. He felt like he could reach up and watch his hand disappear into the sky. He felt like he’d sprout wings the moment he jumped off, and he’d be able to soar with the birds.

“Andrew, I feel… I feel like. Like I could be anything.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Please make sure you’re something that can construct decent sentences.”

“Oh, boo you. Take a picture of me!”

Putting his binoculars down, Neil walked a few steps and faced away from the scenic view, stretching out his arms and making it seem like he had the whole world on his shoulders.

It was cheesy, but Neil wanted to remember it all.

“You’re fucking weird,” Andrew commented, after a taking a few shots.

“I know,” Neil replied. He looked back on the view, silently thanking it for the way he felt. “But at least I’m happy.”

-*-

They went to see the Morro Rock with their sides pressed to one another and their legs planted in the sand. It was a quiet part of their trip, the blue-green waves only choosing to interrupt once every fifteen minutes. After considering the fact that the both of them didn’t need to walk all the way over to the rock to appreciate it, they chose a spot on the beach to watch it from. Andrew thought watching the sunset was overrated and boring, and Neil couldn’t care less, so of course it was only natural that the both settled for watching an almost 600-feet tall rock, one that was considered as a World Heritage site. After all, it really wasn’t everyday that one saw a volcanic plug, much less one that was preserved.

Or maybe… maybe, there was something to it that Neil didn’t understand, because he saw Andrew leaning back on the heels of his hands and staring at it, head slightly tilted. A few birds flew overhead every once in a while. They probably knew a lot more about the place than the both of them did.

“It’s not a big deal to us, but it’s a big deal to others.”

Andrew shifted ever so slightly beside him. “Mmm. I wonder what it symbolizes.”

The sand beneath Neil’s feet was soft, the edge of a small white-and-pink seashell peeking out of his small toe. He sniffed once and let the salty seawater smell riddle his nostrils.

He’d recently come to the realization that his relationship with Andrew has crossed over to a place he never thought it would get to be. Or at least, not back when the Andrew he knew was the Andrew that was unapologetic about forcibly drugging him. In a way, he understood why all that needed to happen, however vaguely. And really, it was all a far-away memory now - one that’ll always stick, but one that doesn’t hurt anymore. Neil was glad for that.

Things at home seemed so distant as well. Except for the occasional visits to social media and texts from Matt and Nicky, Neil was completely closed off from the rest of the world. And if what Andrew looked at on his phone every once in a while (which meant, like, once or twice a day) were texts from Aaron, then they were pretty much in the same boat.

So distant, and yet, Neil never once felt scared that everything would disappear.

“To me, I think it means resilience,” Neil murmured. “Through anything and everything.”

-*-

It was half-past nine in the evening, and Neil had his back against soft grass. The soup he had for dinner was coursing through his veins, warming his entire body. Beside him, Andrew was sitting up and looking through Neil’s binoculars, surveying the state of the night sky. Stargazing, he’s said more than once, is only a fool’s errand if you were a complete idiot.

“Anything worth seeing, sailor?” Neil teased, putting his hand underneath his head.

Stars have only ever served the purpose of direction for Neil, and he never had time to look into the stories that mythology held for them. Whenever he felt lost, it was almost second nature for him to look up and see the answer. Her mother was the one that taught him - back then, when the death was still fresh, he felt his mother’s hand on his shoulder every time he looked up and asked the sky for the way.

Some nights, when the stars didn’t come out and place themselves across the sky, Neil felt incomplete. Uneasy. As if he had to do something for the universe to stop hiding them.

He could still remember the first time he found out that Andrew had a thing for astronomy. That  was a particularly late night conversation, accompanied by a tub of Rocky Road, two spoons, and a blanket around the both of them. In front of them was a propped-up astronomy book, complete with illustrations and descriptions. Andrew wasn’t one to buy books, so Neil assumed (correctly) that it was a gift from Kevin.

And then there’s Orion, the hunter. Stories say he was kind of an ass.

His name already makes him sound like one. What did he do?

Licking chocolate off his spoon, Andrew shrugged. In one version, he pretended to be someone he wasn’t. For nothing but self-gratification.

Sounds like the worst version.

Nah. In another, he was a rapist. Disregarding the story though, it’s really a beautiful constellation.

Neil shook his head, and moved closer to Andrew. Whether he was real or not, I personally believe that disregarding someone’s story is practically impossible.

“I don’t know,” Andrew said, putting the binoculars on Neil’s torso and lying down beside him. “Seems like the sky is kinda dead tonight.”

“Let me try.”

The binoculars felt light against Neil’s face. He focused the lenses and tilted his head a bit, trying to see what was up there for the both of them to see. In the distance, he saw a sprinkle of stars, near enough that Neil saw them all together, but too far apart for it to be a constellation.

“There really is nothing, huh,” Neil said, after a full minute of moving his head around. He put the binoculars aside and propped himself up, looking up at Andrew.

He saw Andrew still looking up, one of his arms placed on his knee. The concentration he was channeling was evident on his face.

“I wouldn’t say it’s ‘nothing’,” Andrew murmured. It sounded like a reply, it felt like a reference to something in the past. Neil raised an eyebrow at this, and blinked when Andrew went to lie down.

“That’s the problem with you idealists, honestly. Always expecting there to be something to everything, just because that’s what makes the most sense. That kind of thinking is what’s going to drive you up the wall.”

Andrew patted his torso twice, and Neil lied down and placed his head on there. Together, they looked up at the almost empty sky.

“And what do you consider yourself to be?” Neil asked, after a few moments of comfortable silence, because he sometimes forgot to ask right after he meant to. It was either that or speaking before thinking, and he liked to think that he’d outgrown the latter a long time ago. It was one of the things he hated about himself.

What almost made it okay was how Andrew sometimes forgot to reply.

“A pragmatist,” he said, right when Neil was about to doze off. “Practicality is everything. Your idiot ass wouldn’t know.”

Through his sleepiness, Neil laughed, and laughed even more when he thought he heard Andrew crack a smile of his own.

-*-

Prince didn’t prove to be much of a problem during their entire trip, only popping up occasionally when he needed to poop, to pee, or to stretch his legs. The thing with cats that most people seem to overlook was how they don’t ask for much. Or at least, that was Neil’s experience with them. Most of the time, Prince was content to be on Neil’s lap, licking his paws. When they were outside the VW,  he settled for dozing off in Neil’s bag.

Andrew was not one for showing he cared, but Neil didn’t let it slip past him whenever Andrew reached over and gave Prince’s head a rub, or when he’d sneak Prince something from his own plate.

Neil couldn’t wait to bring Prince home, and have him join their life.

-*-

Apparently, sunrises weren’t as cliché as sunsets were, which was how they found themselves sitting with their backs against the VW in anticipation of the sun. Andrew’s head was on Neil’s shoulder, and Neil had Prince on his lap.

“We aren’t going to have more days like this,” Neil said wistfully, stroking Prince’s back and looking onto the horizon. They were parked by the road, a few miles away from the Big Sur.

As far as Neil knew, they were heading back tomorrow. As much as Neil wanted to keep going, he also missed their bed a lot, so he merely nodded when Andrew had told him that this was going to be their last stop. They’ve done more on this trip than Neil ever thought they’d do - and now, Neil was the content kind of tired. The kind that was thankful because he was given more than he ever thought he deserved.

The kind that was more than ready for the rest of this lifetime.

“Says who?” Andrew replied, looking at the pink-orange rise of the sun. It gave the sky a dazed sense of power, as if anyone who was watching right now would be hypnotized.

Prince licked at Neil’s elbow and jumped off, walking away from the both of them. Neil hugged his leg closer to himself, feeling the edges of a warmth surround him.

“I meant days like this. Not days like this. If you get it.”

“No, dumbass, feel free to explain.”

“It’s just my way of saying that I want to remember this - all of this - forever.”

Andrew said nothing. Neil straightened up, raised his arm, and let Andrew settle more comfortably on his chest, the VW allowing them something steady to lean back on.

“You know, Neil, wanting another road trip is pretty ambitious, seeing as almost two weeks out here is enough to make you already want to go home.”

How Andrew was able to read him that well, Neil had absolutely no idea. Maybe Andrew just knew him that well. Maybe Neil was just someone that was easy to read.

Maybe, they've spent more than enough time together that Neil was far from unknowable.

"Fine, I do miss my bed, so point taken,” Neil said, looking at the birds in the sky. They flew by without any sort of formation. After they passed by, Neil continued.

“But Andrew, if you didn't already know, this road trip is the first time I went to places without ever having to worry about... you know, where I'll go next. Where my dad's men won't find me. Where I'll be able to live more of my life until I can't anymore. Where no one will care enough about me to look me up and potentially put me in danger."

The pink-orange sun was spreading itself across the horizon, and Neil felt a certain kind of peace line his bones. He really should watch the sunrise more often. It would be worth it, if it made him feel this brave, this vulnerable. It was a nice feeling.

"It's been more than an experience for me, and you know it. So. Thank you. I hope we have more ahead of us."

Without thinking, Neil reached for Andrew's hand and squeezed gently.

Whenever Neil would just go ahead and touch Andrew without prompting for a yes or no, it shocked him. Whenever it happened, Neil would freeze for a good half-second, then just go with it, and hope that Andrew didn't pull back or lash out or get mad. He didn't know when he'd reached that point where it wasn't his first instinct to wonder if Andrew was okay with him like that.

Because the overall assumption, the one that, with time, overrode everything else that came to mind, was this: that he was.

Neil kept his hand on Andrew's and waited. His only indication that it was okay for him to do so was Andrew's fingers, slowly yet surely, adjusting to the grip.

"Don't know what's gotten you so sappy, but I'll take it," Andrew replied, gently running his thumb across Neil's.

"So we'll go on another road trip?"

"Where would you want to go?"

Briefly, what flashed through Neil's mind were scenes of him and Andrew - going aboard trains that go from one end of a city to another; having to navigate maps, then throw them out when they got too frustrated with not understanding anything; their stamped passports and Andrew showing flight attendants attitude for not having enough orange juice; Neil taking pictures of Andrew with the wind hitting his face as their cruise ship set sail.

His heart softened at the thought.

Or at least, that’s what it felt like.

Whatever he was feeling in his chest, Neil knew it was a good thing.

"Anywhere. Everywhere. I don't care." Neil put his cheek against the top of Andrew's head, and sighed. "As long as you're there."

"We're not flying, if that's what you want."

Neil smiled a bit. "We don't have to. Although I assumed you're better with planes now, because of having to fly for away games."

"Doesn't make them any more tolerable. Jesus. If I could drive all the time to get to places, I would."

"Would you be okay with trains?"

Andrew looked up at Neil and raised an eyebrow. "It's sitting around, doing nothing, and being across you. Absolute hell. No thanks."

“You’d get to stare at me all day.”

“Pass.”

A few feet away from them, Prince stretched out, flattened out a couple patches of grass, and curled up for a nap. The sun was becoming less pink now, the real colors of the morning slowly filtering in. In the sky, the clouds were beginning to show more of themselves.

"We should head back," Neil said, even if he made no move to get up.

"Mmm. After this."

Andrew lifted his head from Neil's chest and put his hand by Neil's jaw. Neil saw the side of his mouth quirk up a bit, which made him smile too.

He really can't believe he had all this.

"Yes or no?" Andrew murmured, and Neil nodded, closing his eyes.

"Yes," Neil whispered, and reached up to hold Andrew's head, pulling him closer into the kiss.

-*-

The way back was gonna take a few days, but Neil didn’t mind. It only meant that he could spend more time looking out the window of the VW, admiring the sights as they passed by each one. Prince continued to sit on his lap, his attention kept at bay by a ball toy that Andrew got for him from a pet store they happened to pass by.

Between the both of them, music was not a strong suit. Neil didn’t grow up having the privilege to care about curating a music taste, and Andrew just didn’t care enough. To Neil, what sounded good didn’t have to be limited to a specific line of thinking, so, as with everything, he just let himself listen to whatever came along.

Because Matt Boyd was Matt Boyd, he was the first ever person to attempt getting Neil into music, and Neil welcomed every suggestion, opening his mind to genres and beats that he’d never heard before. But it was different when one had a personal connection to music, and this was something that Neil got to learn on this trip.

Now, the playlist that was playing in the VW was a culmination of their entire trip, and living through all those days by listening on the way home was making Neil feel sentimental all over.

Neil was the one that started the playlist with Dreaming right after hearing it on the radio as they made their first exit. Andrew looked over his Spotify screen questioningly, not getting the entire ordeal. Instead of explaining, Neil put his phone away and looked out the window. Turning the steering wheel, Andrew shrugged.

Just one song? Seems pretty sad.

You can add to it as we go along.

Bold of you to assume that I’d care enough.

In Harbor House Café, this song started playing from the jukebox. Neil watched the couple next to the jukebox slow dance, a small smile on his face. He was too busy watching them that he didn’t notice Andrew align his phone towards himself and open up his Spotify.

Andrew heard a man singing this song when they passed by some couples in Huntington Beach. While it wasn’t normal for him to walk up to complete strangers and ask them about… well, anything, Andrew stuck around long enough to hear some of the lyrics, then looked up the song himself.

Somewhere in Dana Point, Neil added this song, after having scrolled through one of Matt’s playlists to find a song he couldn’t get out of his head. It was the first song Prince had stuck his head out of the bag for, and the first song that Andrew (kind of) bobbed his head to.

The playlist grew and grew, from moments they shared, from words they said, from the memories they’ll never forget. Thirty-three songs of a trip that Neil never thought he’d be able to have. It was absolutely surreal.

His reminiscing was cut short when Andrew reached down, picked up his phone, and paused the current song.

“Anything wrong?”

Andrew shook his head, slowing down at the stoplight. He made a few taps on the screen, and the first few notes of a song, wonderful and smooth. He wasn’t sure where Andrew heard the song, but it was nice all the same.

“Just something I thought I’d add,” Andrew murmured. He briefly looked at the rearview mirror, then at Neil. “Number 34.”

So I just hold on tight, keep hoping things will turn around
I'm so glad now that I finally found a love I can lean on
Finally found the truth to believe on
Finally found this dream I can dream on with you

-*-

Before heading home for good, Andrew had the both of them stop by Antique Effects, this antique shop by Eshelman Avenue. On the outside, it really didn’t look like how Neil expected an antique shop to be, but Andrew’s insistence and Neil’s own bit of curiosity was enough for him to go in and see whatever Andrew wanted to see.

The first thing Neil registered about the whole place was that anyone walking in had a high chance of breaking something. There were several shelves and cases of glass and ceramic and china, and if one wasn’t careful, they could end up paying for more than half the store.

Corners of the store had boxes of books and magazines, the ones on top collecting dust. A tall mirror stood off to the side, and somewhere in the middle, some armchairs were facing away from the entrance.

“And since when were you interested in this type of scene?” Neil asked, partly amused, as he went up to one of the book piles and took one. He blew off the dust and checked the blank red cover, the hardbound surface making the book heavier than it actually was.

“Just recently. But for good reason. Is anyone back there?”

A old woman’s voice sounded from just behind the cashier. “Just a moment.”

“For good reason?” Neil was intrigued. He went further into the shop, looking at the different antiques. There were cups of all shapes and sizes, and vases with different patterns and colors. The carvings on the wooden cabinets were intricate and slightly chipped off.

“If I wanted to waste your time, I would’ve brought you to a sports gear shop that wasn’t for Exy.”

“That’s… okay, that’s fair.”

The last time Neil went to a sports gear shop that wasn’t Exy, he’d encountered sports fans who had the gall to go up to him and ask variations of Why not go for a real sport?, to which Neil would shrug and reply variations of Why not go and fuck yourself? The sports fans, as expected, would get intimidated enough to go away, or even apologize profusely and compliment Neil a few times. Every time it happened, Andrew caught it on video, and sent it to the Foxes group chat.

After a few moments, the old woman, wearing a light green shawl around her shoulders, went up to Andrew and tilted her head to the side, a curious look on her face. Neil stared at her intricately designed earrings, the colors glinting against the sunlight that quietly filtered through the shop.

“And what is it that you want, dearie?”

And then maybe Neil was too invested in the many wonders that the antique shop had, but he didn’t hear Andrew’s voice again for some time.

Instead, he was roped into looking at the displays, the descriptions that came with some of them intriguing enough to catch Neil’s eye. Some displays were ancient enough that Neil didn’t want to know the history behind them. Some had names he can’t pronounce. Some were items with just enough of a hint of familiarity that Neil thought of a past life where he could’ve encountered them.

He was only thrust back into reality when Andrew went, “Neil, we're leaving,”, shoving something into his jacket pocket and going out of the shop.

“What the fuck just happened?” Neil mumbled to himself, scratching his head.

As Neil made his way towards the door, the old woman went up behind him and put a hand on his shoulder.

“That young man,” the old woman said, gesturing towards Andrew frowning down at his phone. Neil stifled a laugh as he saw.

“What about him?”

The old woman opened her mouth, as if to say something, then shook her head and smiled at Neil instead. She squeezed Neil’s shoulder lightly.

“He’s a good man.”

-*-

As Neil looked out the window, the buildings and trees all coming together as they passed by, he thought of how running away used to be the only reason he went from place to place. How each place didn’t serve as anything more than something to keep him alive and breathing. How he became used to never staying long enough anywhere for it to truly matter, for it to make that much of an impact in his life.

Even after everything he’s already seen, it probably didn’t count as travelling.

He thought of to-do lists, online bookings, and travel catalogues. He thought of stuffing things into duffel bags and checking home appliances one last time before leaving the apartment. He thought of calling up Kevin to come by the apartment and feed the cats every now and then, and that yes, the girls can come by to play with them if they want to. He thought of fights with airport security, of cruise ship tickets, of vending machines at train stations. He thought of actually using the languages he knows to properly converse with locals. He thought of meeting people on their travels, and telling them about where they were headed.

He thought of how, from now on, he’d get to say “for leisure” and actually mean it.

-*-

“Josten,” Andrew whispered, poking Neil twice on the arm. “We’re here.”

Neil cracked open an eye and looked outside. It was dark outside, but he’s seen his place enough times to know that they weren’t home yet.

“No we’re not. Go away. I was sleeping.”

“Suit yourself, dummy. I’ll tell the rest you’re a killjoy.”

Neil’s eyes have never opened that fast. The rest?

“What.” His voice came out gravelly, a little strained from sleep.

He startled Prince awake as he jolted upright, maybe a little too suddenly, making him hit his head on the roof of the VW. Neil cursed himself, rubbing one of his eyes. Through the windshield, he saw the vague outlines of--

“What the hell,” Neil mumbled, stumbling out of the VW. He was vaguely aware of Prince jumping out beside him. “Matt? Is that you? And… everyone… else-- what the fuck is going on --”

“Surprise! ” Dan said excitedly. Behind her, Allison was wiggling her fingers and smiling widely.

Neil blinked twice. He did have a tendency to see things when he was tired and wired.

But his eyes served him the same scene: the Foxes, smiling and waving and a couple feet away from him.

“NEEEEEIL!” Nicky greeted, pulling Neil into a hug. Neil, still stunned, hugged back and patted Nicky’s back once. Nicky pulled back and grinned.

“Not to be dramatic, but you’ll probably cry. I would cry if Erik did the same thing for me. I’m forever the romantic, though, so you probably won’t cry, but--”

“I think it’s nice,” Renee said softly, putting a hand on Neil’s shoulder. Neil could smell her vanilla-scented perfume. She reached down to grab Prince, who immediately licked her finger. “Very, very thoughtful.”

“And not to mention extra!” Kevin added, his arms crossed. He appeared from behind Aaron, who shrugged in agreement.

Neil was still very, very confused. And even if he didn’t mean for it to show on his face, it must’ve been apparent, because Matt went up beside him and said, “Guys, we should… probably let him walk the rest of the way.”

"Fine," Nicky agreed, moving out of the way. "Give us a holler when we can go inside!"

They were at a two-way crossroad, a light coming from the house at the end of the crossroad. The lights were on in the house. After a few gentle nudges forward from Renee, Neil walked, following the light and blinking because he was still trying to make sense of what was happening.

He was sure that this was a neighborhood he’s never been before. He was also sure, after looking through his mental storage, that he never once got wind of Andrew and a house.

Surrounding the house were trimmed bushes, some pin-pricked with small white flowers. The house was a two-story maroon-and-light-brown-and-white modern beauty, with stairs leading to a front porch with white netted chairs and a glass table. The lights inside were soft and welcoming.

And sitting on the bottom stair was Andrew, a knuckle keeping his chin up. He shot Neil a bored look.

“About time.” Andrew stood up and walked towards Neil, whose eyes were still wide from ogling the house.

“This is…” Neil didn’t have a coherent sentence in mind. He waved his hands around, physically fumbling for the words. “...a house.”

Andrew rolled his eyes. “Yes.”

“That you bought.”

“Yes.”

“For the both of us.”

“Wow. Getting it all correct. You’re a genius, Neil.”

“But then we already have a place.”

Andrew shrugged. He gestured to the house. “I’m sick of that place. I want this one.”

“Where are the cats?”

“Inside. Which we would be, too, if you just shut up and went in.”

From the inside of his hoodie pocket, Andrew produced a silver key. He handed it over to Neil, and stepped to the side. Neil blinked down at the key and felt like he was going to faint.

It was oddly reminiscent of something that happened so many years ago, the weight of it in his chest and on the palm of his hand.

“You first.” Andrew had such an unusual look on his face that Neil was comforted a little bit himself. At least he wasn’t the only one nervous.

“Anything I should be worried about?”

“Hmm. If you take any longer in opening the door, the rest of the idiots will just have to starve out here.”

“Holy shit. Okay. Fine. I’ll go.”

Slowly, Neil made his way up to the front door. The silver key was firmly grasped in his right hand. Behind him, he heard Andrew slowly follow, his steps a lot more steady than Neil’s.

Taking a deep breath, Neil put the key in, unlocked the door, and pushed it open.

What he saw first were the cats - Sir sleeping on his stomach, while King playing with a ball on the couch.

The next thing was the white banner hanging from the ceiling, strung up by nylon wire. The words Marry me? with fox paws around the words, were loud and bold in orange.

The first few notes of a song, one that Neil didn’t know, began to play in the room. And before Neil could say anything, he heard the door shut behind him.

“Honestly, this wasn’t how this was going to go, but I figured… might as well have the rest of the Foxes pitch in,” Andrew said, as he walked up behind Neil. He put both hands on Neil’s shoulders.

“There’s dinner in the kitchen, courtesy of Matt and Dan. The neighborhood was recommended by Allison, and Nicky and Kevin brought over the cats a few hours ago. Renee wanted the banner, just because she thought it’d be more direct to the point. But everything else…”

Andrew drifted off, and Neil sighed, letting himself lean back into Andrew. He closed his eyes, and let himself feel the moment.

What a heavenly way to die
What a time to be alive

“What do you think?” Andrew murmured, a few moments after.

Several questions ran through Neil’s mind. With his eyes still closed, he ran through everything he was wondering.

Did I really deserve this? Isn’t this too much? Why me, of all people?

Instead, Neil opened his eyes and chose to ask, “Mmm. No ring?”

He could hear Andrew making a face, and Neil laughed. He turned around and faced Andrew, a look of mild annoyance on his face.

“Don’t worry. I was kidding- -”

“That antique shop? Aaron brought over my great grandmother’s ring. Some family heirloom. A proposal without a ring? Come on, Neil. I’m not that forgetful.”

Yet again, from his hoodie pocket, Andrew produced a small dark red box. Neil’s snarky reply got stuck in his throat, making his response a hurriedly cleared throat and a, “Oh.”

When our prime has come and gone
And our youth is all but melted, melted
We can listen to this song
So we don't have to accept it, accept it

Getting down on one knee, Andrew mumbled, “I’m going to kneel, and this is the one time I’ll do it, because you know I’m not a fan of the position, so I swear to God , Neil, if you make me do this again, I--”

“Andrew, stop,” Neil said, letting out all the tension he was feeling through a laugh. He went down on both knees to meet Andrew, and touched their foreheads together.

And they stayed like that for a while, breathing in unison, letting themselves relax. Neil curled a hand around Andrew’s neck, and Andrew exhaled slowly, even a little shakily.

If he was being honest, Neil really didn’t think it was possible for him to love this man more.

Because forever is in your eyes
But forever ain’t half the time
I wanna spend with you, you
I wanna be with you, you

“Well,” Andrew murmured, pulling back. He opened up the box and presented the ring to Neil. “What do you say?”

And then in that moment, Neil didn’t think that ‘yes’ was enough. Or if that was all he wanted to say. Or if it’ll ever be enough for everything else. For a word to be powerful enough to express just how much Andrew was to him, to be all-encompassing enough to say everything that he wants to say - with everything that’s happened, Neil was sure that it was pretty damn impossible.

But at the same time, it was the one answer Neil has been giving to Andrew for most of his life.

And maybe, for now, that would have to be enough.

“Yes, you idiot,” Neil said, a few tears welling up in his eyes. And if he really wasn’t just seeing things, he could swear Andrew’s eyes watered up a bit too.

“Yes, I’ll fucking marry you.”