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Leaving the Underground was always going to be a tough journey, Levi was aware that he would have to learn so much… Leaving behind all you've ever known and entering a entirely new world was bound to have its trials.
Everything came at him without hesitation and Levi took it all in his stride, ever calm and calculated. If there was something Levi had always been genuinely good at, besides wielding a knife, it was adapting to survive.
He learned everything from scratch, like a child with wide eyes and endless possibility nestled in their small chests. Levi experienced the Sun's warmth, and he became familiar with the greenery and plants that came with its light. He finally saw the seasons and the way the landscape changes with them…
Levi watched the coming of Spring brighten everything in sight, and he felt the growing spark of hope he had not known since losing Isabel and Farlan that Winter.
Not only did he found out all he could about the weather and seasons, now free of the Underground Levi learned about humans..
More than ever in his life, did Levi really see the people around him; He saw kindness and comradery. People there smiled at one another, laughed and trusted. Surrounding him above ground was friendship and common goals melding people from all kinds of backgrounds together. Those finding something worth fighting for, and gaining each others trust to work as one.
It was unnerving, Underground there was only distrust and violence, people with nothing trying to stay alive for some feeble reason or another. Gutter shit with dead eyes and protruding bones filled every alley, on the Surface people had full cheeks and freckles from Sun exposure.
Slowly, ever so slowly, Levi was beginning to fit in.. He witnessed warmth, and felt himself yearning for it.
Levi learned how to look at people and ignore those knee-jerk thoughts of how best to kill them. It was not needed here, what he needed was to teach himself trust, however hard that might have been.
Some things Levi learned alone, some he had help and guidance. Meeting Petra was somewhat pivotal - At first she had only looked at him through a curtain of pale hair, eyes warm but hidden and guarded. She was uncertain and Levi couldn't blame her, he was used to the staring he attracted. The whispers behind hands and sneers from the most afraid.
It took near a month, but Petra’s boldness finally emerged one day, out in the wilderness beyond the walls, where they were learning basic survival - Erecting tents, starting fires.
Part of small squad, the two found themselves among a wooded expanse that Levi had never dared dream of before, trees upon trees and acres of grassland stretched out before him. Oh, the smell, he thought to himself… It was so clear and fresh, nothing out there was rotting. The smell of decay was almost foreign to Levi after months on the Surface. Almost.
That day was one of the times that it would all come flooding back to him - He'd get flashes of his hands covered in blood, the scent of shit and despair getting trapped in the back of his throat. It was enough to render him a retching mess, bent over double and emptying his stomach of his meagre military rations.
Attempts to stay calm down were usually made, but some days Levi's blind panic would only fade once his body had exhausted itself. His hands tugged desperately at the roots of his hair - Calm down, calm down. The man tried desperately to remind himself of where he was… He would never have to go Underground again, his hands were clean, no longer dirty nor carrying around the heavy burden of his guilt.
Levi didn't realise Petra had ever approached him, until a gentle hand was resting at the small of his back, rubbing soothing circles. His senses dulled by confusion and anxiety he hadn't heard her light footsteps, almost silent against the forest floor.
“Peppermint is good for nausea, you know. I reckon if we foraged we'd find some in no time,” Petra remarked, completely forgoing a greeting of any kind. Her words mingled with the sound of leaves rustling high above and the warbling of songbirds hidden in the trees.
Levi turned to her, only able to grunt in reply, his throat still painful. He nodded gently and she smiled at him, a slight upturn of her pale lips. Subtle and warm... Maybe it just seemed lovelier than other smiles in the moment, since no one had smiled at Levi since he lost Isabel.
He would give anything to see her crooked teeth bared in a grin, completely unrivalled in joy. Isabel’s smile was the kind of smile that made you want to be loud, live recklessly and unashamedly. Petra’s smile was the kind that felt like a mug of hot tea against your palms, it made you feel calm and at ease.
Petra had always reminded Levi of his little sister, even if very slightly. Petra’s face was smaller, her hair a lot paler. A soft orange, like the wisps of cloud caught up in the light at sundown; Very unlike Isabel’s bright red, striking like the Sun itself at midday.
Close up, Levi could see her eyes were brown, like the liquor he would occasionally transport illegally Underground; The kind that warms your veins with one frugal sip. It's unlike Isabel’s green, the kind of green you can't find elsewhere, captivating and special.
Eyebrows scrunched in concern, Petra took Levi by the elbow and helped him to straighten up, “I'm sure I saw some peppermint plants yesterday… Somewhere in this direction?”
She sounded unsure to Levi, but without hesitation, Petra set off into the woodland with determined steps. Levi followed quietly, wiping his mouth on a handkerchief he produced from his pocket. He couldn't help the crawling of his skin, he itched to boil the cloth clean and wash his mouth out thoroughly.
They traipsed between the trees together, Petra rambling on to Levi despite his silence. He didn't keep his mouth shut to be rude, just prefered to listen - Always had.
Part of him wonders if his listening habit arose from the need to make a mental profile of everyone he met, all a process of gaining control. Street smarts and power plays lingered in his thought processes, even as he tried to rid himself of old habits and integrate somewhat into the Survey Corps. Maybe his old thoughts would never leave? He often wondered.
Nevertheless, Petra seemed happy enough to natter on without a reply from her companion, her voice a steady constant along with the pat-pat-pat of their footsteps in tandem.
“I find myself familiar with a lot of plants.. My mother taught me from a very young age. What're the best greens for pain, which herbs will disinfect…”
Levi listened carefully to every word she shared, hanging onto each piece of information about this girl so similar to Isabel, but so different… Nobody had spoken to him so freely, so kindly in months. It was strange… But most certainly not unwelcome.
Petra’s presence brought Levi comfort, the anxiety and dread that accompanied his flashback still lingered but the red head’s voice and the sounds of the landscape helped melt the tension away. Levi's shoulders had lost their tension and his heartbeat steadied dramatically.
“My mother was an apothecary,” Petra proclaims, her fingers toying with a button at her cuff absentmindedly. “The best in our village… There wasn't a plant she couldn't identify and name at least one use for.”
What an interesting job, Levi mused… He couldn't imagine a profession that relied on the land, he tried to conjure the image of someone so tied to the greenery around that she found herself making a career of it. The woman he envisioned looked a lot like Petra, but her eyes held deep folds, creases marking her face from years of sun and smiling.
“There wasn't a thing she couldn't heal, and she taught me what she could. I remember the days that we would forage together, filling pockets and wicker baskets, her voice describing each plant as we went… I recall the lingering scent on my fingers even after I'd washed up for dinner...”
In the Underground there was no person of the sort, not a kind heart nor even a sprout to make use of in sight. Petra was born into a good life, and Levi's heart ached to think how he could have turned out had he been birthed by a woman on the Surface, raised by a healthy mother with kind eyes and fingers that smelled fresh like herbs.
Petra walked in front of Levi, so he couldn't see her face, but he could tell by the tone of her voice that she was smiling. Her voice sounded soft and nostalgic, her thoughts taking her to places of happiness, like a leaf carried away on a crystalline stream. That must be nice, Levi supposed… To have memories that warm your heart, as opposed to ones that force your stomach’s content back up your gullet. Levi's past was fucking dismal, leaving him with only panic and disgust.
Just as Levi was thinking to himself that they had been wandering rather far with no results, Petra’s voice raised in pitch and suddenly she was exclaiming, “Oh! Here we go!”
Levi watched as she crouched down in the underbrush, picking sprigs of deep green leaves. She turned to face him, the foliage held out before her, “Notice the sort of teardrop shape, the jagged edges of each leaf. They grow almost in the shape of a flower, these little ones at the top and larger ones below.”
The redhead fingered the leaves gently, tracing the shapes along with her explanations. Levi nodded along, truly studying the leaves, listening to her teachings. He imagines a tiny version of Petra being schooled by her mother in the same way, eyes too large for her face with youth and a thirst for knowledge.
“And of course, the smell. Here,” she handed a handful to Levi, her fingers coming close to but never directly touching his. “Rub the leaves between your fingers and sniff…”
Levi followed her instructions, the peppermint soft between his fingertips as he rubbed the leaf between the pads. Petra did the same with her share before she lifted her fingers to her nose, inhaling deeply. She sighed contentedly and smiled at Levi, encouraging him to do the same.
He copied Petra’s actions and he found himself pleasantly surprised. The smell was sharp and fresh, the scent was so clean and Levi loved it. He felt his lips quirk upwards, the slightest smile. “It's good,” he confirmed.
“It is! You could chew a couple leaves now, but I like it best as a tea. We could head back to camp and boil some water over a fire, if you'd like,” Petra suggested, her eyes were crinkled at the corners with a satisfied smile.
Levi deliberated then, he felt more confident in consuming the peppermint once boiled - So he could be sure it was clean. He couldn't say he was jumping at the chance to be eating anything directly from the forest floor without at least rinsing it first.
“I can wait,” is all he said in response. Petra simply nodded, and turned away from Levi once again to head back in the direction they had just come.
But they only made it a few steps towards camp before Petra stooped again, hands deftly collecting a few stalks of a thin green plant. It looked completely unremarkable to Levi, but Petra obviously knew what it was, her quick hands collecting stalks.
“Rosemary,” she explained, her voice practiced as if she were reading from a book. “Long and tall, with these thin little leaf type pieces the while way along the stalk.”
She handed Levi a sprig, as she had before with the peppermint. He turned it in his fingers, and of course Petra had described it perfectly.
Levi watched as she repeated the same process of rubbing the little leaves between her small fingers, and smelling the scent left behind. Levi copied, only to decide he liked this one too. However, it wasn't quite as nice as the sharp peppermint.
The more Petra interacted with him and taught him, Levi found himself enjoying their little expedition all the more. Petra’s warm eyes and her knowledge of the land were something he found himself wishing for more of.
“My mother used to bake bread when I was little, and she would use all kinds of herbs… My favourite was when she added rosemary,” Petra sounded like she was headed back to that sunshine bathed place in her mind again. The place without Titans and terror, only her and a mother with tender hands that heal.
When she spoke next, her voice was hushed, as if sharing a secret, “You could never replicate it with our military rations, but sometimes I chop some rosemary I've picked.. Make it really fine and add it to the butter on my bread.”
“It sounds delicious,” Levi commented, to assure her he was listening intently. It did sound good, but more than anything, he wondered what food would taste like if it had been prepared with love… He had never much cared for food, it had only ever been a means to survive like everything else in his life. But he felt he could enjoy food like that, his mouth watered at the thought - The lingering acidity from his vomit all but forgotten.
Petra nodded, the little ponytail at the back of her head bouncing with the movement. Levi watched as she diligently collected, adding more plants to the little bag-like sling she had fashioned from her cape.
Her fingers were slim, the tips tinted green from her growing collection. Her nails were bitten down to the beds and jagged, but it made Levi warm to her even further. They served as a reminder that she was human too, she had her struggles, issues that contrast with the sunny past she describes.
“I'm not sure what possessed me to keep adding more to this bundle! What will I do with it all!” Petra commented, looking into her makeshift basket. She laughed lightly, but Levi could tell she was saddened by the realisation. It was a laugh that felt empty, uncertain and lost coming from such a bright girl.
She no longer had a mother around who will take her herb bundles and put them to use, she hasn't any reason to keep them all herself now. Yet still she plucked the greens from the earth, a compulsion from childhood, Levi assumed. If she was not dead, Petra’s mother was surely far away. Unreachable to both Levi and her own daughter, hidden as they were, in the shadows of trees upon trees.
He found himself wishing to comfort her, yet he hadn't a clue how to. What kind of human was he really? He felt as unmoving as the stone carvings he had seen as he passed through Sina, cold to the touch and dead behind the eyes. Levi was an adult, with no concept of human interaction. His talents lie in pain and misery, not comfort and warmth.
Levi felt his fingers twitch at his side, maybe he ought to reach out and touch her as she had to him? Pat her shoulder? Isabel liked her hair being stroked, but maybe that would be much too familiar a gesture… Would one treat an acquaintance as they would a sister? Most certainly not. So what must he do?
Levi felt he had stood idle for much too long, his gaze fixed on Petra, as her eyes became glossy and her feeble smile trembled. So he turned away from the girl, to give her privacy in her small moment of grief..
It was as he was surveying the area that he saw a burst of yellow. Bright and solitary in the depths of greens at his feet. Stooping, Levi plucked it up between his fingers, the flower was possibly the most vivid shade of yellow he had witnessed, almost as if the plant has been drinking up the radiant afternoon sunlight to itself.
Clutching the flower in his thumb and forefinger cautiously, so as to not damage the bloom, Levi offered it to Petra. He held it out towards the girl, an offering of wordless understanding and comfort. Speaking was never his strong suit, maybe it never would be. But he could try his best to say what he meant through his actions, at least.
Petra looked to him, taking a few seconds to compose herself. Levi watched awkwardly as she sniffed deeply and wiped her eyes against the muddy cuff of her once white shirt before a smile blossomed on her face once again, lightly freckled cheeks swelling with the expression.
When she reached for the flower, her fingers brushed against Levi's with purpose. The contact sparked an anxious thrum in the man's chest, his heart pounding from the feeling of skin against skin. He could only register the feeling of being afraid in that moment, trickling over his body with ice cold tendrils like the rain in Winter.
He feared the dirt on her fingertips; His heart raced at the softness of her eyes, watching him through her almost translucent eyelashes; The tenderness she displayed was like nothing he had experienced and quite frankly it was terrifying. It scared him more so than any Titan.
Levi was never one to find himself in situations where he simply didn't know what to do, he had always been in charge of his emotions. Never had Levi been a stranger to control, but in that moment he felt it slipping away, as water escapes between the gaps in your fingers with ease.
After a few seconds of contact, Petra finally took the flower, breaking the brief contact between them as if it had meant little to her. Maybe one day, Levi would feel the same about casual touches, but until then he would file her soft fingers away as something like a personal milestone. Progress and growth.
“A dandelion,” Petra declared, her voice firm and matter of fact.
A lump sat in Levi's throat, making it hard to swallow so he attempted to clear his throat without much success. When he spoke, his voice felt far away, as if he were talking through water. “Does it have a use?”
Petra grinned at him, nodded her head gently in affirmation. “Many! It's delicious, mainly - The leaves have a nice crunch and the root makes a wonderful drink. Very similar to coffee, rich and dark. Though I think it has a much nicer meaning, as opposed to use,” she explained, her soft voice wispy between them.
Levi raised his eyebrows, questioned the girl once again, “A meaning?”
She studied the flower, turning it this way and that in her fingers, the yellow hue contrasting with the earthy greens and browns colouring Petra’s hands.
“To me, it just looks like hope... Doesn't it?” she asked in return. Her demeanour was void of any lingering sadness, to Levi, she looked almost peaceful. “What is lovelier than feeling so tired of the Winter, and then you start to see these little dandelions everywhere? Their colour bringing back vibrance and joy… I just love them.”
Levi looked from Petra to his surroundings, studied the forest floor, he thought to himself how beautiful life would seem if he were able to look upon the surrounding greenery and find healing. Petra was filled with such knowledge that Levi never realised could exist in this world, a world he always thought to be bleak and cruel.
Her words held so much conviction that Levi couldn't help but believe her - She was right. Who knew so much optimism could be held within a single blossom? Who would have thought a girl like Petra was existing right beside him?
For the first time since meeting Isabel and Farlan, Levi found himself wishing to be by another person’s side for much longer, maybe as long as he could be. He found himself thinking how there was so much to learn, and so many people with thoughts to be shared. He could listen, and he could grow.
Looking at Petra with her red hair and wide eyes, her cloak sling filled with herbs, and her single dandelion, Levi assured himself that there was hope to be found, in the most surprising places.