Chapter Text
Sanghyuk woke up with a start. He shut his eyes close again, trying to forget the vague memories of his dream about a certain someone and ignoring the buzzing of his phone’s alarm - at least until he realized it wasn’t his alarm ringing.
He sighed and blindly reached for his phone under his pillow, eyes still tightly shut. Once he found it, he just swiped his thumb to answer the call without even checking who was calling.
“What took you so long to answer? I’ve called you three times already.”
He recognized the voice as Hongbin’s.
“What are you calling so early on a Saturday morning for?” Sanghyuk grumbled. He begrudgingly rubbed an eye open and turned on his side.
“Sorry, I didn’t realize 1PM is still considered early Saturday morning,” Hongbin replied sarcastically. Only then did Sanghyuk bother getting up from his bed and looking at his phone’s time. It was, indeed, past one in the afternoon.
“I take it you just woke up and haven’t had breakfast yet, let alone lunch.”
Sanghyuk yawned. “Yeah. What’s up?”
“Hakyeon-hyung and I are nearby. Wash up and have lunch with us.”
Sanghyuk groaned.
“What, you don’t want to?”
“No, I haven no complaints at all being a third wheel to Cha Hakyeon’s dates with his exes.”
“Hey, you’re on loudspeaker, you know?” Hakyeon butted in. “And I’m treating so you better come.”
Sanghyuk sighed. Well, lunch with Hongbin should be better than dinner with Taekwoon. He dragged himself off his bed and washed up quickly before heading out.
The good thing about Hongbin was that he understood how Sanghyuk prefered to not go too far from his dorm so they would often meet some place nearby - Unlike Taekwoon who would insist on going to “better” restaurants, or somewhere “new” that Sanghyuk really found inconvenient to travel to. If Taekwoon didn’t pick him up and drop him off at his dorm, he really wouldn’t go.
Or so he tried to tell himself.
“What kept you up so late at night that you just woke up?” Hakyeon asked as soon as he sat with them. Food was already served as per Hakyeon’s order so Sanghyuk went straight to pick up his chopsticks and start eating.
“We had a gig last night,” he answered while chewing, making Hakyeon raise a brow at him. Prim and proper Cha Hakyeon hated bad table manners, especially hearing chewing sounds - and Sanghyuk hated that he knew about this because Taekwoon hadn’t stopped talking about Hakyeon recently. “My friend asked me to sub for their sax player. I could use some extra money so I might join them again some time.” He continued anyway, purposely trying to annoy Hakyeon by chewing louder.
“I didn’t know you played the saxophone?” Hakyeon was frowning at him, obviously holding back any remark that had to do with Sanghyuk’s manners.
“I learned last year,” Sanghyuk answered.
“You learned quite fast. I remember hearing you practice last year and wanting to rip my hair off,” Hongbin sniggered. “But now you’re playing for a band!”
“Why saxophone?” Hakyeon carefully timed his question so Sanghyuk could answer before he started eating again.
“Just because. No particular reason, really.” But he averted his eyes and pretended to be more interested on his favorite gopchang, which had surprisingly been ordered for him, given that Hakyeon himself did not like it. He sighed subtly, feeling bad because Hakyeon was being nice to him and he was being an ass. He put his chopsticks down and leaned back as he chewed his food quietly, thinking twice about what he was doing. Hakyeon might have become a little quieter but no way less scary. He wouldn’t want to risk making him snap.
But then Hakyeon suddenly chuckled, making the other two look at him curiously.
“What, you think it’s funny I’m playing sax?”
“No, sorry,” he answered. “I just remembered something funny.”
Sanghyuk regretted even asking because he knew what was about to come.
“When we were in 3rd grade, Taekwoon had a big crush on our music teacher who played the saxophone. He said it was cool and sexy.”
Sanghyuk caught himself in time to stop himself from rolling his eyes.
There we go again.
He really wished Taekwoon and Hakyeon would stop talking about their early days… or better yet just stop talking about each other.
“We were just kids but I was so jealous that I started making a ruckus every music class,” Hakyeon giggled some more, quite cutely, if Sanghyuk was honest - but he was annoyed by it nonetheless.
“Glad to know perfect student Cha Hakyeon had a rebellious phase after all. Now I believe you’re actually human.”
“Whoa, so you were in love Taekwoon-hyung since you were kids?” Hongbin asked.
A faint blush spread across Hakyeon’s face as he sipped his iced tea. But when he put his glass down, he smiled and answered. “Taekwoon almost never talked back then so the other kids thought he was mute and he often got bullied. I proclaimed myself as his only friend and chased the bullies with a yardstick.”
“Of course. What a very Cha Hakyeon thing to do,” Sanghyuk groaned. Hongbin threw him a knowing look but he barely noticed.
“He later started opening up to me till we actually became friends… and I may have felt possessive when all his attention was suddenly on our handsome music teacher.”
“No wonder it was easy for you guys to stay friends after breakup. You go way back,” Hongbin mused.
“Hey, we’re friends too, aren’t we?” Hakyeon answered nonchalantly. But then he realized what he said and they stared at each other for a few awkward seconds.
Sanghyuk wanted to slam his head on the table. Damn Cha Hakyeon and his ex-boyfriends. Damn himself for always hanging out with them anyway.
“Y-yeah,” Hongbin blushed a little. “But I mean you and Taekwoon-hyung are lifelong friends.”
Hakyeon smiled - too sweetly for Sanghyuk’s liking. “Yeah. Taekwoon was like a baby chick and I couldn’t help but want to protect him. He was so cute back then.”
“He’s still cute now tho.”
Sanghyuk suddenly felt his cheeks burn as two pairs of eyes stared at him. He didn’t even realize he said it out loud. He just suddenly found himself regretting his decision to come out and have lunch with them.
“He is,” Hakyeon finally continued the conversation, smiling at Sanghyuk. “But he’s cute in a different way now. Quiet and reserved Taekwoon has a different charm than clingy, childish Taekwoon.”
There was a twist that refused to unknot in Sanghyuk’s stomach. There was a Taekwoon that Hakyeon knew and he didn’t. There was a past between the two of them that Sanghyuk could never compete with.
“Hey, I’m going to watch Taekwoon’s musical tomorrow. Do you guys want to watch with me?”
“I’ve already watched. During his premier night.” Sanghyuk answered proudly. At least that was something he beat Hakyeon into doing first. Why he was even competing, he didn’t know.
“Oh, I see.”
“You guys watch together,” Sanghyuk turned to Hongbin. “You haven’t watched either, have you?”
“Ahh, yeah. But I already made plans with Chanshik for tomorrow. I’ll have to check if we can finish early so I can go with you,” he looked at Hakyeon and smiled before taking a sip of his own juice.
“Hmmm…” Hakyeon pursed his lips. “It’s fine if you don’t. I don’t mind going alone to see Taekwoon.” He picked up what was left of their side dishes and threw a couple of pickled radish into his mouth.
At this point, Sanghyuk couldn’t resist anymore. His mind was telling him to shut up but the memo didn’t reach his mouth and he just straight up asked, “Do you ever think of getting back together?”
Both Hakyeon and Hongbin choked up and started coughing, turning to face away from each other while wiping their mouths.
“Geez, I didn’t mean you two,” Sanghyuk frowned.
Cha Hakyeon and his exes.
“I meant Taekwoon-hyung.”
“Hyukkie!” Hakyeon barely managed to say while hitting his chest and swallowing the sour after-taste.
“But now that I think about it, you two seem to be getting along just fine. What were you even doing together today? You didn’t meet up and come all the way here just to see me, did you?”
Instead of answering, Hongbin regained composure and turned the teasing back to Sanghyuk. “What’s it to you if they get back together?”
“N-nothing. I was just curious.” Sanghyuk looked away, crossing his arms and doing his best to pretend like he didn’t care.
Hakyeon and Hongbin exchanged glances, but while Hongbin had this teasing smile on his face, Hakyeon had a gentle look of understanding.
“Taekwoon and I are just friends now. He was, and still is, a huge part of my life and he will always be that special friend to me.”
Sanghyuk clenched his fists under his folded arms.
If he was that special to you, why did you leave without telling him anything?
He really wanted to ask. He really wanted to challenge Hakyeon to still say how special Taekwoon was to him when it was Sanghyuk who had been with him when Hakyeon went off the radar. But instead, a different question came out of his mouth and Sanghyuk really just hated himself at the moment.
“H… How do you know if it’s the same for him? What if he’s… What if he wants to get back together with you? He said it himself before, right?" He faced Hongbin, looking for confirmation that he was remembering things right. "He said it's impossible to completely get over Hakyeon-hyung..."
"He said that?" Hakyeon asked, surprised, though it was obvious in his smile how flattered he was. Sanghyuk did his best not to frown.
Hongbin, on the other hand, blushed at the recollection. That small chat between him, Taekwoon, and Sanghyuk about two years ago ensued because of his lingering feelings for Hakyeon after breakup. He and Taekwoon agreed that the love just kinda stays there, even if it no longer was the same kind.
"Yeah, he and Hongbin-hyung said -"
"That's not really what we meant when we said that."
Beside him, Hakyeon turned and leaned slightly closer, eyeing Hongbin curiously. "What exactly did you say?"
"Basically what you just said too! That you'll always be that special friend." Hongbin replied, his face growing redder by the moment. He really didn't like saying cringy things but for the sake of Sanghyuk's peace of mind (and wiping off Hakyeon's smug smile), he had to say it.
"But what if that wasn't what he meant? We both know he was the most upset when Hakyeon-hyung left. What if -"
"Hyukkie," Hakyeon chuckled, but he kept his eyes on Sanghyuk and made sure his words get through. “I know that's not the case because I know Taekwoon too well. At this point, we’re just like brothers. Even if I feel anything deeper and try to get back with him now, I’d get flat out rejected."
It made Sanghyuk feel just a little bit better. Just a tiny bit. Because he wasn’t completely convinced and even if it was true, he just hated the fact that it bothered him in the first place. He hated that he felt so wary of Hakyeon who had been nothing but nice to him. He hated that he was all too aware of his feelings and yet he just couldn’t accept it.
He also hated the fact that he could never really say no to Hakyeon or Taekwoon. Each time they invited him out for dinner, Sanghyuk just had to go with them. Usually, it was Taekwoon dragging both him and Hakyeon out to a new cafe he wanted to try. Sometimes, it would be Hakyeon just wanting to sit by the Han River and order some chicken. Wonshik, Jaehwan and Hongbin occasionally joined them, but more often than not, Sanghyuk was left alone with the ex-lovers turned best friends.
He would never say it again after the first dinner, but Sanghyuk did miss Hakyeon a lot. He was his senior at their department and despite not having many common classes together because of the year gap, he was a big influence to Sanghyuk’s dancing. More than that, Hakyeon treated him like family (even though he always complained about being called a baby). He still couldn’t understand why Hakyeon suddenly disappeared for a whole year, but now that he returned, Sanghyuk knew he would do everything to make sure Hakyeon wouldn’t leave them again.
Meanwhile, Taekwoon’s family lived far from the metro. He craved company, which Sanghyuk was more than willing to provide, especially after he came back from Japan and Hakyeon was nowhere to be found. It wasn’t like Taekwoon didn’t have other friends. He had quite a handful, yet always, it was their group chat that Taekwoon asked first whenever he had free time and wanted some company. He would usually get ignored or teased in the chat, but Sanghyuk would find himself agreeing to meet with him anyway.
Maybe it started then. Hanging out a little too often with Taekwoon. Seeing him more vulnerable whenever he got drunk. Finding out he fell in love during his tenure at Japan and came back to Korea brokenhearted, only to find out his closest friend disappeared without a single word.
Maybe he was just like Hakyeon, who found Taekwoon too cute and wanted to protect him until he suddenly found himself feeling possessive whenever Taekwoon seemed interested in someone else.
Sanghyuk thought he just felt intimidated and awkward when Taekwoon first brought him backstage after one of his shows. But then he found himself frowning when Taekwoon smiled a too sweetly at one of his co-actors. He unconsciously clenched his teeth when a handsome senior actor happened to be in the same restaurant they were in and Taekwoon invited him onto their table. He realized that with the exception of Hakyeon, Taekwoon had a certain type. It was later confirmed by Hongbin - as once mentioned by Hakyeon - that he was indeed into guys who were a little older and more matured. Sanghyuk couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed since he was a couple of years younger than Taekwoon, and everyone still treated him like a baby.
So he did his best to grow up and act as maturely as he could. He used his height and built to look stronger and more confident, until Taekwoon could no longer scare him off with his glares. He refused to let Taekwoon pay for all of their dinners, despite having limited allowance for his daily expenses. However, since Taekwoon sometimes chose restaurants that were a little too expensive for Sanghyuk’s budget, he had to let himself get treated and then promise to buy a meal for Taekwoon next time they go out.
It took a while before he started to ask himself why the hell he cared about Taekwoon’s ideal type. Why did he bother himself to look good enough for Taekwoon? He was a straight man and he liked women. He still liked women.
He kept telling himself they were just good friends and he just wanted his friends to be happy. Yet every time Taekwoon looked happy because of someone else, Sanghyuk had this ugly feeling inside him that refused to go away.
It became more difficult to ignore when Hakyeon returned. Taekwoon’s closest friend, the one who knew him since childhood. The one who knew him best and worst of all, the one Taekwoon missed the most.
He was of course happy that Hakyeon came back. A part of him felt relieved that maybe he wouldn’t have to see Taekwoon that often now that his “real” best friend has returned. In his mind, he knew he needed some time away from Taekwoon to sort out his feelings. At the same time, he feared in his heart that maybe Taekwoon would dispose of him now that his company was no longer needed. The thought terrified him. He wanted to be the person Taekwoon would rely on the most.
“Hyukkie,” Hakyeon whispered to him before they parted that day. “If you ever need to talk to someone, just give me a call.”
Sanghyuk kept his face straight as he stared at Hakyeon’s smiling face. Knowing him, he probably already noticed Sanghyuk’s dilemma. It really was difficult to dislike him when he was so perceptive and so freakin’ kind - just like how Taekwoon said he is.
Still, Sanghyuk didn’t want to give in. No matter how much Jaehwan teased him, or how many times Hongbin asked him, he would never admit that he had been feeling confused for a while now. He especially did not want to talk to Hakyeon about it and he wished they would just leave him alone.
He wished his feelings would just go away.
~
“Do you still hang out with Sungjae?” Hakyeon asked when they had dinner again the following week. They were sitting side by side on a picnic blanket near Mapo bridge while Taekwoon went to pick up their ordered ramyeon and drinks at the road side.
“Yeah. Not so often anymore since he’s in and out of school, training under Jaehwan-hyung’s company.”
“Oh? He’s a trainee now?”
“Yes,” Sanghyuk answered. “He auditioned last spring and got signed immediately. I think they’re set to debut next year though.”
“Ohh… That sounds great. Why didn’t you audition with him?”
“I heard they were looking for vocalists. I’m not fit for that.”
“You have great singing voice though.”
Sanghyuk scoffed. “Have you heard Sungjae sing? That’s the kind of singer who should be a popular idol. Not me.”
Hakyeon pulled him by the shoulder so they would face each other. “Hey, when I say you’re good, you’re good, okay? I don’t sing praises just to make people feel better. You sing well, you have a nice voice and you’re great at dancing. You have lots of potential and I’m pretty sure you’d succeed if you ever choose the idol life. The only question is if you want to do it.”
“I don’t know.”
Hakyeon’s gaze softened at his response. “I see. I’m sure you’ll do great whatever you choose to do.”
How to dislike Cha Hakyeon? Sanghyuk just couldn’t do it.
“Hey hyung, why did you-”
“What about the twins?”
“Huh?”
“Are you still friends with them? Who have you been hanging out with at uni?”
“Yes, I’m friends with them, and there’s a lot of people I hang out with. Why are you asking me this?” Now Sanghyuk was getting confused.
“Nothing. I was just curious. Just wondering if you still have many same-aged friends.”
“Is that really what you’re curious about? Aren't you asking if I still have straight friends? Are you gonna ask if I had a girlfriend the past year too?” Sanghyuk was suddenly feeling defensive. He wasn’t sure of Hakyeon’s intentions but he had been asked by his straight classmates a little too often if he still hung out with his gay friends. He felt like he was now in a reverse situation and yet the end would still be the same. He would still be asked about his sexuality.
Sanghyuk used to proudly answer that he had wonderful friends and he had nothing to worry about because he was comfortable with his own sexuality. There was no way he would fall for a guy. He was so sure and confident until Taekwoon started to confuse him.
“Why are you getting worked up? I really was just asking since you seem to always be available whenever Taekwoon and I invite you out.”
“What? So are you annoyed now that I’m always third-wheeling on your dates? Why invite me in the first place then?” Sanghyuk inched backwards and frantically glared at Hakyeon. The truth was that even if he already had other plans, he would cancel them so he could make himself available once Taekwoon called him. It admittedly made things worse for him since some of his friends started teasing him about his “sugar daddy”, yet Sanghyuk couldn’t bear the thought of Taekwoon going out with Hakyeon alone.
“Hyukkie, can you calm the fuck down?!” Hakyeon raised his voice and Sanghyuk immediately stilled. “I didn’t mean anything. I really was just worried about you!”
“I…” Sanghyuk took a deep breath. “I’m sorry. I didn't…”
“Tell me something,” Hakyeon said sternly. “Are you being bullied? For hanging out with us?”
“No!” Sanghyuk answered instantly. “My friends tease, but they don’t bully. It’s not like they can do anything to me anyway. It’s just friendly banter. No need for you to chase people with yardsticks.”
“So you do get teased?”
“...”
Before Sanghyuk could answer, Taekwoon came back with their food - three bowls of ramyeon and side dishes stacked in one bag, and a couple of other snacks and bottled water in another.
“Hot, hot, hot!” He exclaimed as he put the bowls down. Hakyeon took the bag of snacks and arranged the contents on their blanket.
“I told you we should have just brought hot water and our own instant noodles.” Sanghyuk nagged when Taekwoon made a display of his “swollen” hands from carrying their food.
Taekwoon pouted at him. “It’s never as good as ramyeon made by actual cooks. Plus we get delicious sides too.”
“Then stop complaining. You’re the one who wanted to order in!”
“Ah, but my hands hurt!” He shoved his hands towards Sanghyuk’s face, showing the fading marks of the plastic bag on his fingers. You could have at least helped me carry them!”
“You ordered, you suffer,” Sanghyuk chuckled.
“You’re so mean! I shouldn’t let you eat then!” Taekwoon pouted even more. Sanghyuk couldn’t help but think about how cute he was.
“I’m not hungry anyway. Who told you to order for me?”
“Fine! I’ll eat it all up!” Taekwoon grumbled. But before he could grab the bowls, Hakyeon had taken one and handed it over to Sanghyuk.
“Yah! He said he’s not hungry!”
“You know you’re not going to let him starve, Taekwoonnie,” Hakyeon answered flatly. He grabbed his own bowl and picked up his chopsticks. “And I’m paying for Sanghyuk’s share today.”
Sanghyuk’s head snapped towards Hakyeon. “You don’t have to. I can pay for this.”
“I know you can. But you don’t have to.”
“I’m telling you I’ll pay!” Sanghyuk answered firmly. “It’s just ramyeon. I can afford things like this so you don’t always have to buy for me. You already treated me to lunch last week! I’m not your fckin’ sugar baby.”
Hakyeon stared at him. The words sinking in and a sad expression spreading on his face.
Sanghyuk regretted his slip, but he tried to brush it off and proceeded to eat.
“You’re not, Hyukkie. You’re our friend and we don’t see anything wrong with buying you meals once in a while. But suit yourself.”
“I don’t understand. What’s up with you guys?” Taekwoon raised a brow. “What happened while I was gone?” Behind him, Sanghyuk looked back at Hakyeon and shook his head. There was no way he would let Taekwoon find out about his crisis, nor that he was being teased about it.
Hakyeon smiled gently at him, then faced Taekwoon. “Nothing. We just talked about how cute you are.”
Sanghyuk gasped, his face flushing bright red.
Taekwoon grunted. “You’re lying! Really, what did you talk about?”
“I’m not lying! Ask Hyukkie!”
As Taekwoon turned to face him, Sanghyuk felt his cheeks burn hotter but the darkness of the night thankfully made the blush less obvious. He would never admit out loud how cute he found Taekwoon, but that moment, it seemed like a better option than telling the truth.
“I… You did well on your musical. You… looked good.”
Hakyeon chuckled, and Sanghyuk wanted to glare at him but he could only fix his gaze on his ramyeon. Meanwhile, Taekwoon kept whining at them for keeping secrets from him.
“First you didn’t tell me why you left. Then you dated an idol and broke up without telling me, and now you’re even keeping secrets with Hyuk! I’m always being left out!”
“You’re exaggerating again,” Sanghyuk murmured. Normally, he would have scolded Taekwoon for being overdramatic, but his relationship with Hakyeon was something Sanghyuk didn’t think he had a say on.
“You’re keeping secrets from me too,” Taekwoon pouted at him, leaning closer.
“It’s not like I tell you everything anyway,” Sanghyuk pointed out, but he smiled and playfully shoved Taekwoon’s face away from him. “Just eat. The noodles will get soggy.”
Taekwoon whined less after he started eating and he later let go of it when Hakyeon changed the topic to work-related stories.
Sanghyuk felt a little relieved. And he was thankful towards Hakyeon for being so understanding and helpful.
After Taekwoon dropped him off at his dorm, he even received a text from Hakyeon.
Hyukkie, what I told you last week still stands. If you need someone to talk to, please give me a call.
Sanghyuk sighed. Hakyeon really was nothing but wonderful. He knew he needed to talk to someone soon, too, but he just wasn’t ready yet.
I’ll keep that in mind, hyung.
Thank you.