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Shiro knows the way to Allura's room so well she can navigate it even in the evening gloom, with only the light of the street lamps to guide her from her own yard to Allura's house. Out of her window, down the roof; drop onto the outhouse; up into the branches of the ornamental pear tree, and then up onto Allura's roof to rap gently on her window. She's been making this climb since they were kids, when her excursions into Allura's room were mostly to call her down to play.
Tonight, she texted Shiro and asked her to come over. Like always, she can't say no to Allura. She doesn't know why, except that it's always been like that.
Allura opens the window a few seconds after Shiro's taps; clearly she's been waiting ever since she sent the text. Shiro climbs over the sill and stands in Allura's room, surrounded by the soft creams and pinks and golds that characterise Allura's décor. Shiro has comic books and movie posters and model spaceships in her room, but Allura is living up to the nickname 'Princess' and sleeps in a room that looks like it was styled by a candyfloss fairy. Shiro teases her mercilessly about it, but deep down she actually kinda likes it. It suits Allura's personality.
"What's up?" she asks. Allura stands there in her pink PJs and an oversized sweater, and even though they're only 17, Shiro already towers over her by almost a foot. They used to be closer in height when they were in pre-school, but over the years Allura stayed petite and delicate, and Shiro grew taller and filled out. She teases Allura about that, too.
"Laurence asked me to prom," Allura says.
Shiro's stomach drops. The words sting unexpectedly, as if she caught her heart on a tangle of thorns. But she doesn't know why. Why does it matter? Of course the most popular guy in school asked Allura to prom. That's not something that should hurt. She should feel happy for her best friend, but instead she just feels… strangely numb.
"Did you say yes?" she asks. She walks past Allura and flops down on the bed, kicking her sneakers off as she goes. The movement is mostly to cover the way her hands shake, and to keep her back to Allura while she tries to arrange her face into a more supportive and enthusiastic expression.
"Not yet," Allura says.
Shiro's eyebrows fly up before she can compose herself enough to hide her surprise. The pain in her chest eases ever so slightly.
"How come?" she asks, as casual as she can manage. "Don't you want to go with him?"
"I don't know," Allura says. She sits on the bed next to Shiro, and plays with the sleeve of her sweater. "He's nice, I suppose."
"You don't have to go with him just because he's nice," Shiro points out.
"I know. But I do like him. Everyone does. I should say yes, right?"
Shiro can't think of a reason for her not to, except that it makes her heart ache to think of Allura going to prom with Laurence. When they were younger, they went to most parties and functions together. They even wore matching outfits. But now… now they're of that age where prom is a Thing, like a real Thing, not just a fun party. Shiro knows on some unspoken level that they can't go together this year - and not just because Allura's getting asked out by boys.
"It's up to you," Shiro says. "If you want to go with him, then say yes."
"I do. Sort of. It's just… well, I get nervous."
Allura picks at her sleeve some more, and Shiro slumps back on her elbows and looks up at her face in profile. Allura's brows pull down into a frown, and it's cute. Shiro can remember the exact moment she realised that Allura was pretty - not just in an objective way, but in a way that made her want to reach out and touch her; to run her hands through her hair or trace a thumb along the curve of her jaw.
It was here, in this room; sitting on the floor on Allura's fluffy rug, surrounded by Allura's make-up and combs and nail polishes. Allura put lipstick on Shiro, because she didn't know how to do it herself but wanted to see what it looked like; and Allura delicately painted her lips with a tiny make-up brush, brows furrowed in a scowl of concentration. And the realisation hit Shiro, in that moment - sat here, in bright sunlight, laughing over make-up - that Allura really was the prettiest girl she'd ever met. The feeling sparked inside her, as wild and terrifying as a dropped match in dry kindling, and she's been burning up ever since.
She's pretty in a way that makes Shiro want to do something about it. She's just not sure what.
"Why are you nervous?" she asks.
Allura shrugs. "If I go with Laurence, he'll want to kiss me. I know it. And I don't know how to kiss. He's kissed girls before, but I've never kissed anyone. What if I mess it up?"
The words sting like the prick of a dozen needles. The thought of Allura kissing Laurence is all wrong, somehow. But Shiro doesn't know how to explain why it aches so much, or why she desperately doesn't want it to happen.
"You don't have to kiss him if you don't want to," she says.
Allura stops fidgeting with her sleeve and looks over at her, and Shiro tries to look unaffected and supportive, the way a best friend should be.
"I'm not sure if I want to or not," Allura says quietly. "I don't even know how a kiss feels. What if he kisses me and I don't like it? Or I'm really bad at it and I ruin the whole thing?"
"Then don't kiss him," Shiro suggests. "Wait until you're really sure."
"But if I go with him and I want to, I won't know how. If I kiss him, I want it to be good."
The ache in Shiro's chest comes back, stronger than ever. She wishes they could stop talking about this. She doesn't want to sit here and imagine Allura on her date with Laurence, getting excited enough to want to kiss him. She nudges Allura on the shoulder.
"I'm sure Laurence won't mind if it's your first time," she says. "Just have fun, I guess."
Allura pulls a face. "I'm not sure I want Laurence to be my first kiss."
Shiro's absolutely sure that she personally doesn't want Allura's first kiss to be with Laurence, but she can't say that. It sounds petty and silly. Allura can kiss whoever she wants, it's just… somewhere… deep down… Shiro finds herself wishing that Allura would kiss her.
Maybe she wished it too hard. Or maybe the universe just picks up on the unspoken desire of her heart. But Allura shifts beside her, and looks up at her with bright and hopeful eyes.
"Will you practice kissing with me?" she asks.
Shiro's heart stops. She forgets how to breathe. Allura can't really mean it, surely. But she looks so earnest and sincere that Shiro has to take her seriously.
"You wanna practice with me?" she asks incredulously.
"Only if you don't mind," Allura says. She twists the sleeve of her sweater, and chews her lip. "I trust you. And I'd rather have my first kiss with my best friend than with some popular boy who only cares about me because he thinks I'm pretty."
"I've never kissed anyone either," Shiro points out. "I don't know how to do it any better than you do."
Allura laughs - a soft, musical sound that makes Shiro's pulse race and her face heat up.
"That's alright," Allura says. "We can work it out together. Please? Just so I can practice a bit before I go to prom with Laurence."
Shiro gives up. "Okay. If you want to."
Allura wiggles around on the bed until they're facing each other, knees touching, and Shiro tries not to show how much her heart is hammering in her chest, or the way her breath hitches. She doesn't even know why she wants this so badly. It's just practice kisses between friends; it doesn't mean anything. Allura will still go to prom with Laurence, a boy she actually maybe wants to kiss, and Shiro will probably go alone and try desperately not to watch the two of them slow-dancing.
But she can be Allura's first kiss. Laurence might get all the rest of her, but Shiro can have this much, at least. It's a borrowed intimacy, but she'll take it. And she can never say no to Allura.
Allura sits there, twirling a strand of hair around her fingers. She looks nervous, but her eyes are bright. Shiro clears her throat, and gets comfortable on the edge of the bed.
"Close your eyes," she says.
Allura quirks one eyebrow at her. "Why?"
"You're supposed to have your eyes closed when you kiss. I know that much."
"Fine. Fine."
Allura takes a deep breath, and her eyes flutter closed, and she sits there and waits. Shiro stares at her, in the soft light of her bedroom lamps; the warm radiance of her skin, the gentle curve of her lips as she waits to be kissed. They're really going to do this. No going back.
She licks her lips, and leans forward. For some reason, she feels the need to put her fingers and thumb on Allura's chin, to tilt her head slightly and hold it in place. How do you kiss? What do you do? It's just a simple connection, right? Shiro closes the distance and presses their lips together.
Allura's lips are soft and warm, and as Shiro kisses her, she lets out a tiny sigh that sends fire flooding through Shiro's veins. She shouldn't like this so much, because it's just practice, and yet… she doesn't want to pull away. She doesn't want it to end. She lingers as long as she dares, and then lets go of Allura's chin and sits back. The fire dies down to a simmer, but Shiro knows she's blushing. Allura's eyes drift open.
"How's that?" Shiro asks, and it comes out breathless and dazed.
"It's nice," Allura whispers. Even her cheeks are a little flushed, and the sight of it makes Shiro's heart flutter wildly. Did she like it? Was it okay? She wishes she had the courage to ask - to tell Allura how much she liked it - but instead she just sits there staring.
"Aren't we supposed to have our mouths open?" Allura says.
"Maybe?" Shiro says. "We can try, if you like." It must sound so over-eager, but Allura's eyes light up, and she nods.
"What should we do?" she asks. "Should I close my eyes again?"
She doesn't wait for Shiro's input. She closes her eyes and lets her mouth drop open slightly, and the expression is so cute that it makes Shiro laugh. Allura opens one eye and glares at her.
"What?" she demands.
"Nothing! You just look funny like that, that's all."
"Well I don't know what else to do," Allura grumbles, and Shiro grins at her.
"Here," she says. She puts her hands on Allura's cheeks and gently angles Allura's head to the side.
"Like this?" Allura asks.
"I don't know, I'm just guessing," Shiro says. "You ready?"
"Mmhhmm." She opens her mouth again, and once more it is left up to Shiro to figure out how the kiss is supposed to work. But she's read books, and she's seen movies. You just… open your mouth, right? And then you put two open mouths together, and boom - you get a kiss.
She leans forward, her heart racing, and fits her mouth over Allura's. At first, it doesn't feel like much. But she quests forward experimentally with her tongue, because you use tongues, right? And then she meets Allura's tongue coming back the other way, and everything after that is just a rush of blood and heat and instinct.
It's messy. And wet. And Shiro's pretty sure it's all wrong. But it feels amazing, nonetheless. Because this is Allura, the prettiest and kindest and funniest girl she's ever met, and their mouths are pressed together and they're really kissing. Really. Not very well, but… they're doing it.
Allura pulls away and stares up at Shiro with those beautiful, sparkling eyes. They say nothing, and the moment stretches out between them, woven with unspoken words.
"Is it supposed to be that sloppy?" Allura asks eventually.
Shiro winces. "I don't think so?"
"Let me try," Allura says. "Close your eyes."
Shiro does as she's told, because she can't say no to Allura. She sits with her eyes closed, and feels the bed creak as Allura moves slightly to find a more comfortable position. Allura's hand gently cups her jaw, and Shiro's breath hitches, and then she feels Allura's lips press to her own.
This time is much better. Allura has the right idea for how a kiss should go: she presses her closed lips to Shiro's and then lets her mouth part slowly - gently - feeling her way into a deeper kiss. It feels so good that Shiro can barely breathe. Their tongues wrap together - and this time, it's not sloppy or damp or fumbling. Shiro threads her fingers into Allura's hair and holds her there, in the kiss, and Allura lets out a tiny hum of approval that sets Shiro's soul alight. But this isn't real, and it has to end eventually. But not yet. Not yet.
She wants it to last forever, but she doesn't dare drag it out. So she pulls away, and watches Allura's face to see how she reacts. What if Allura realises how much Shiro liked it? What if she thinks it's weird? What if she's upset? But Allura smiles, and puts a hand to her lips.
"Oh wow," she breathes. "That's really good."
Shiro grins in relief. Allura didn't hate it. That's something, at least.
"I guess you can kiss Laurence now, if you want to," Shiro says. "Now that you've practiced."
"I suppose," Allura says. She looks down at her hands in her lap and plays with her sleeve. Shiro's known her long enough to read it as a sign of uncertainty, and a little spark of hope ignites in her heart. Maybe Allura doesn't want to go to prom with Laurence. Maybe she doesn't want to kiss him after all.
Shiro lies back on Allura's bed and props herself on the pile of pink and gold pillows, so that it doesn't look like she's just sat there staring at her friend and being weird about the fact that they just kissed. Allura lies down beside her, her fingers tracing the folds in the bed covers - and it's like every sleepover they've ever had; every late-night conversation when Shiro snuck in the window so they could keep talking long after their parents sent them to bed. It's like every time Shiro accidentally fell asleep in Allura's room and had to sneak out again early in the morning, before they were found out. But it feels different now, somehow. Before, they would lie next to each other and just talk and laugh; now, the proximity makes Shiro think of strange and forbidden things.
"I don't know if I will say yes to Laurence," Allura says.
Shiro watches her carefully. She rolls over onto her side, so that they lie facing each other, and tucks her hand under her head as she tries to decipher the expression on Allura's face.
"You don't want to go with him?"
She shrugs. "I haven't decided."
She looks up from tracing lines on the covers, and meets Shiro's gaze.
"If I don't go with Laurence, will you come with me?" she asks.
"Sure," Shiro says, without hesitation. Of course she will. They've been to so many parties together it's practically a tradition, and any excuse to hang out with Allura all night is one Shiro will gladly grab hold of.
"You don't have to, if you want to go with someone else," Allura goes on.
"No, it's fine, we can go together." She smiles, and there's something different and new in the way Allura's eyes light up in response.
"All my other friends agreed to bring dates to prom this year," she says softly. "But I don't know if I want to. But I said I would because everyone wanted to get romantic pictures together."
"Do you want me to pretend to be your date?" Shiro offers.
Allura laughs, but there's something behind it - something new and shy and mesmerising. She ducks her head and tucks her hair behind her ear and laughs softly, and when she looks up her cheeks seem a little pink. Shiro doesn't know what to say, because she doesn't know what she did to make Allura react like that - but whatever it was, she wants to do it again.
"You don't have to," Allura says. "What will people think?"
"They'll think I have enough game to pull the prettiest girl in school," Shiro says. "Imagine how powerful I'll be."
Allura dissolves into giggles, all curled up on the bed, her shoulders shaking. Shiro has always been able to make her laugh, but only recently has that ability started to feel like a superpower.
"Oh, come on," Allura smiles up at her. "You're beautiful too."
"I'm pretty sure you're the only person who thinks that," Shiro says. Allura has always said it, though. No matter what Shiro thought of herself, Allura still thought she was beautiful in her own way. So she shouldn't take it to heart that Allura's calling her 'pretty' now; she shouldn't read into it, because it's something Allura's always said about her. It's just that… her eyes sparkle differently, tonight. The words sound like magic.
"Can I kiss you again?" Allura whispers. "I want to practice some more."
Shiro nods, too dazed to argue, and Allura shifts closer to her. She rests a hand on Shiro's neck, and the touch of her fingers against her skin is almost too much for Shiro to take. She lets her hand rest on Allura's hip, because it feels weird to kiss her without holding her. She leans forward until their noses brush; until Allura's breath warms her cheek. Then she closes the distance and kisses her again.
Allura doesn't really need practice, in Shiro's opinion - she is already good at kissing. Or maybe Shiro just likes the feel of her so much she doesn't care if it's a little sloppy. Their lips meet and part, and she tastes Allura's tongue in her mouth, and she kisses her slowly and carefully. Her hand tightens on Allura's hip and glides upwards, without her even meaning to, and her fingers brush under the hem of Allura's vest and find the bare skin of her side. Allura makes a sound against her mouth - somewhere between a gasp and a moan - and it's like sparks catching fire, it's like a burst of light. She pulls Allura closer; kisses her deeper; holds her with hands suddenly desperate and trembling. Allura's fingers curl into her t-shirt, keeping Shiro flush against her so that she cannot escape.
When Shiro eventually breaks the kiss, Allura does not pull away, or put the distance back between them. She lies there in Shiro's arms, her face flushed, eyes wide. She looks like she doesn't quite know what to make of any of this. Shiro doesn't know either, except that she never wants it to end.
But it has to. They're just friends, practising kissing so that they can go to prom and kiss boys. That's all this is.
"Do you like doing this? The kissing, I mean." Allura asks it in a breathless whisper, and she chews her lip as the words slip out. Shiro doesn't know how to answer it. Should she say yes? Act like she doesn't care? But Allura is her best friend; she ought to be able to tell her anything.
"I like kissing you," she confesses. "Is that bad?"
It probably is. Allura will tell her this is just practice, and it means nothing, and then she'll say sorry and sneak back out the window and they'll never speak of this again.
But Allura's eyes go wide and soft; she smiles a little, still oddly shy, and shakes her head.
"It's not bad," she whispers. "I like it too. It feels good."
"You feel good," Shiro says, without thinking. It comes out like the silly game they played as kids, throwing insults back at each other with the devastating burn of 'no, you're stupid'. Allura chuckles, and her face lights up with a delight that seems to burn through her uncertainties. And suddenly she is kissing Shiro again, before she knows what's happening; suddenly Allura's lips are on hers, and Shiro closes her eyes and sinks into it. Allura is so soft and warm and sweet, and she holds Shiro so gently, and it's like heaven. It's like starlight. It feels like nothing she's ever felt before.
They drift away from each other only after an eternity, but they stay close enough to share breaths in the heated space between them. Allura smiles, and Shiro smiles back at her. She can't think of anything to say.
"When you kiss me, I get all tingly," Allura says.
"Me, too," Shiro says with a grin. "It's nice, right?"
Allura laughs softly, and nods. In all honesty, it's more than nice. That tingle makes Shiro want to kiss her again, and maybe push her hand all the way up Allura's vest and then do… lots of things; things that swirl around in her mind like a wild storm, things she's never wanted to do with another person but now… now she might want it after all. With Allura, she might.
Allura chews her lip, and runs her fingers over Shiro's jaw; and Shiro tucks a strand of curly hair behind Allura's ear and watches her, and wonders how this will end, and what will happen next.
"I think I'll say no to Laurence," Allura says, and Shiro's heart soars, even though it shouldn't.
"Are you sure?"
Allura nods. "I didn't really want to go with him, anyway. I'd rather go with you. We'll have more fun that way."
"I guess this means you don't need to practice kissing anymore," Shiro says. She keeps her hand in Allura's hair because it's like a soft cloud and she doesn't want to let go of her just yet.
"I suppose not," Allura says. "Thank you for practising with me, though."
"That's okay," Shiro says. "It was nice. Plus: now we both know how to kiss."
Allura laughs, and the movement brings her closer to Shiro, and she lets her hand glide over Allura's back and hold her there.
"I'm glad I kissed you and not Laurence," Allura whispers, and her eyes sparkle like stars. "He's kissed loads of people. It wouldn't even be special."
"Yeah, plus, he's probably a terrible kisser," Shiro says. "He'd be all, 'bleeee'."
She sticks her tongue out and imitates a sloppy, terrible kiss, and Allura snorts with laughter and doubles over.
"Don't be mean," she chuckles. "He wouldn't be that bad!"
"I bet I'm better," Shiro says, although she's probably not. Allura grins anyway.
"Probably," she says.
She lies there and gazes up at Shiro, from only a few inches away. This is not like their sleepovers; it's not like any late-night talk they've ever had. Shiro runs a hand through Allura's hair again - softly, carefully - enjoying the strange new sense of closeness. How many times has she done Allura's hair, down the years? How many times have they touched each other, with the casual touch of friends? But this is different, somehow; everything is different now. She borrowed this false intimacy, on the pretence of helping a friend practice kissing, and now she doesn't know how to put everything back where it was. And she doesn't want to, either.
"I should probably go," she whispers. "Before your parents come in and find me. Again."
Allura's face falls, and Shiro doesn't know why. Is she disappointed? Did she want Shiro to stay longer? It's already late, and they have school in the morning. Allura nods, and Shiro gets up reluctantly and pulls her sneakers back on. Allura stands up too and wraps her sweater around her, and Shiro tries to read her expression, but in this strange new world post-kissing, Allura has become a mystery she can't solve.
"Alright, I'll see you tomorrow," she says. She stands by the window, ready to climb out, but Allura catches her fingers before she can move. She looks down in surprise; at their hands looped together, and then back to Allura's face. Allura really is so short and small and cute, and Shiro really does tower over her. From somewhere deep in the swirling fires in her soul, the thought occurs to Shiro that she should kiss Allura when they're standing up, because then she'd have to get her fingers under Allura's chin and tilt her head up and that would be… cute and hot and… all sorts of things she doesn't have a name for. Allura smiles up at her, looking adorably uncertain, her lower lip caught in her teeth. That's cute, too.
"Will you match with me at prom?" she asks. "All my friends are matching with their dates."
"Oh, so I'm your date now?" Shiro teases. She expects Allura to laugh it off, but instead she blushes, and tugs on Shiro's fingers in a way that sets her heart racing.
"You said you would at least pretend," Allura points out.
"Fine," Shiro grins. "I will match with you. But I was gonna wear a suit."
"That's okay," Allura says quickly. "We can match colours."
Shiro stares at her, and narrows her eyes.
"You're wearing pink, aren't you?"
"It's my signature colour!" Allura's eyes go wide and beseeching, and Shiro can never say no to her - not over this, or anything. She sighs.
"Fine. I will wear a pink waistcoat. You want me to get you a corsage as well, Princess?"
"You don't have to," Allura says, but her smile gives her away. She likes the idea.
"No, I will," Shiro says. "I gotta prove I'm a better date than Laurence."
That makes Allura laugh, and it really does feel like a superpower, to be able to make her eyes light up like that and her nose crinkle with mirth.
"It's not a competition!" she says.
"Yes, it is," Shiro says. "And I'm winning."
"You're terrible."
"Then why are you going to prom with me?"
Allura rolls her eyes, but she's still smiling, and Shiro reaches out with her free hand and boops Allura on the nose. Allura swats her hand away, and pushes her gently on the shoulder.
"Get out of my room," she mutters.
"I'm going, I'm going."
Shiro climbs out of the window, still grinning, and pauses on the roof to look back at Allura. She stands in the window, hugging the sweater around herself, one hand on her lips - as if she is still thinking of the kiss. Maybe she is. Shiro will be thinking about it for months, she knows that much.
Allura gives her a tiny wave and a grin, and then she pulls the curtains closed. Shiro makes her way back across the roof and the fence in a daze. The stars have never looked brighter than they do tonight; the moon has never been this beautiful. Allura really kissed her. And somehow, they're going to prom together. Shiro will even wear pink, and be happy about it, because she'll walk into prom with Allura, and everyone in school will think she has mad game.
And maybe, if she's really lucky, she can kiss Allura again. For real, this time.