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Blaine sighs as he fidgets with his bowtie, “Why did I agree to this?” He asks.
Kurt moves in front of him and swats Blaine’s hand away to straighten the neck garment himself. Blaine pouts but lets him, “Because you are a star on the rise and you want as many people to know your name as possible and see how amazing you are.” He says and Blaine rolls his eyes self-deprecatingly, “And because you know I love these girls in the most guilty pleasure but really pleasure way possible and you want to make me happy.” Kurt adds, brushing his hands along Blaine’s shoulders.
Blaine chuckles, “Hmmm, I knew there was a reason.” He says, “But what if they start talking about really specific things?” He asks, even though he knows it’s a lost cause with his current audience.
Kurt pouts his lips thoughtfully before shrugging, “It’s not like they’re going to ask you to mime a blowjob after asking how long your penis is or something.” Blaine grimaces because he’s not entirely sure that WON’T happen, “Well…probably not.” Kurt amends before shrugging again, “You’re a newlywed and the theme is dating vs. married. I’m sure they’ll just ask you about married life.”
“If only it were that simple.” Blaine mumbles as his hands go back to his bowtie.
— — —
Blaine knows he’s in trouble when one of the first words out of Keltie’s mouth is dick. He shoots Kurt, who is silently squeeing just behind the camera, a quick look before chuckling tightly and making a comment about how thrilled he is to be their first man on the show.
It’s not that Blaine is a prude, far from it. He’s just…a gentlemen. He was taught that there was a respectful way to talk and act, especially in public.
“So Blaine, tell us about your wedding!” Becca asks and Blaine inwardly sighs. Safe territory.
He could gush for hours about his and Kurt’s wedding and the girl’s coo and squeal in all the right places. He can’t help but shoot Kurt smiles, who is smiling right back, as he regals them with as short a version as he can manage.
The topic of conversation suddenly changes to what someone can do married that they couldn’t do just dating and Blaine takes a moment to sip at the beer they had given him while he listens.
He chokes slightly on his next sip when one of them starts talking about pooping in front of their significant other. He glances again at Kurt who has a hand up to his mouth in an attempt to hold in his laughter and Blaine thinks not for the first time that it should actually be KURT on this show and not him.
“Do you have a problem with pooping in front of your husband, Blaine?” Keltie asks and then all three of them are looking at him.
He stares at them for a second with a deer caught in the headlights look before coughing slightly and shaking his head a little with a chuckle. He decides in that moment he might as well lean into the skid if it’s already happening and just go with it. This whole thing will be a funny story to tell people in the future, he figures.
He rolls his shoulders slightly and spins his wedding ring on his finger as he smirks at the girls and then Kurt, “We’ve been together for over ten years and living together for almost seven. While there is still a lot of mystery in our relationship because we’re always learning each other?” He shrugs, “I think if we had a problem with that we never would have made it as far as we have.”
The girls coo at him again as if sharing that he has no problem shitting in front of his husband is cute and he just shrugs again as he looks at Kurt who is smiling at him as if he too thinks sharing that they shit in front of each other is an expression of love.
Blaine winks at Kurt before focussing back on the interview, wondering what they’ll have him do next. Whatever it is, he’s game.
He just really hopes they don’t actually ask him his penis size or to mimic a blowjob…