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As their boat cut softly through the night, Killua wondered why anyone would choose to sleep belowdecks. The rocking was so much stronger up on the masts, and once he and Gon had tangled themselves securely into the ropes bunched around the wooden platforms, they had nothing else to do except lay back and look at the stars. It felt like they were the only people in the world.
“Hey Killua, if you close your eyes and hold on to the ropes, it feels like we’re riding on a giant sea creature.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah, try it!” Gon had his eyes closed, head tilted up, swaying with the ship. Killua looked at him, not able to bring himself to look away.
“Yeah, you’re right.”
Gon laughed and looked over at Killua again. “Hey Killua, are you gonna go to sleep?”
“I don’t know. I don’t really want to.” Killua knew he should conserve his energy, that he was safe, there was no reason to stay up and take unnecessary risks. Every moment with Gon felt like an indulgence, like a soft first bite into a marshmallow candy. He had a nagging fear that if he ate too many he might get sick, but still, this was worth it.
Gon looked back at him. “Alright then, let’s play a game!”
Killua groaned.
“Not chopsticks AGAIN.”
“No, this is a new game! I was reminded about it when I was home, cause i used to play with Aunt Mito. It’s a lullaby.”
Killua blinked. “A lullaby? That thing that you do with babies to make them fall asleep?”
“Kinda. This one is more of a singing game though. Here, I’ll start to show you the words. The story is that a mama foxbear is talking to its baby at the end of the night, asking it about its day. I’ll be the mama, and you be the baby!”
“O-okay…”
Gon took a deep breath and began to sing, a soft, gentle melody. Killua had never heard someone sing this softly, so close to him before. He thought it sounded beautiful.
Oh dear baby mine
You were gone by the sunrise
Wandering the island
As the shadows turned lengthwise
What did you do in the morning?
Gon motioned to Killua. “Say what you did this morning.”
Killua was taken aback by this. “Oh, we left Whale Island.”
Gon laughed again. “No silly, you have to sing it back, that’s the whole game.”
Killua had never sung before. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to come anywhere near the sweet sounds that Gon had made, but he wanted to be a good sport. He dipped his head and tunelessly rasped.
We left, Whale Islaaand…
Gon nodded vigorously, beaming, then continued.
You were still gone by sunhigh
As your lunch grew cold
By the call of the magpie
I felt myself grow old
What did you do in the midday?
Killua now tried to follow the tune that Gon had last sung, still feeling wavering, and like his voice was too loud.
W-we sailed on the sea, and talked to some sailors.
Gon was now having fun with it, acting melodramatic, like how he imagined the worried mama foxbear would croon, just like Aunt Mito would do to make him laugh.
Finally, dear baby mine
As the sun went to set
You still were not here
And you left me to fret
What did you do in the evening?
… We climbed up high, and sat on this mast.
Gon wrapped his arm around Killua’s shoulder, rocking him half roughly, like Aunt Mito used to do as well.
I’ll never let you go again,
And there’s nothing you can do.
Until you say those magic words:
I love you
I love you
I love yooouuu.
Gon looked at Killua, wrapped in his arms, gleeful, but Killua was finding it hard to breathe.
“You have to sing back the magic words!”
Killua swallowed hard, and looked past Gon, up to the stars, and he murmured:
I love you,
I love you,
I love you.
The cracking of twigs beneath his feet was all Killua could hear as he carried Gon through the forest. He was so tired. Every bone in his body stung, the electricity he had held within him for so long was finally spent. The pain in his chest, broken shard of emotion that burrowed deeper and more painfully with every breath, eclipsed the rest.
He tried not to focus on how people felt when he snatched out their hearts, but he thought that this might be close. He had been too late. He couldn’t say the right things, the words hadn’t come. He had betrayed his friend, let him go so far away from who he was supposed to be.
No, he had to stop thinking.
He had to keep walking.
Crunch, crunch, crunch
He tried counting his steps, but that wasn’t enough. All he could think of was how much lighter Gon felt. Like a large knapsack. Like a dead bird.
Did an arm really weigh that much?
Crunch, crunch, crunch
He thought that he should stay alert. What if the danger wasn’t over? The King was still alive. If something came to him, he would kill it. Until then he just had to keep moving.
Gon’s hair, so long and soft, was wrapped around his shoulders, trailing behind him. He felt his hands on the bottom of Gon’s legs, desperately trying to feel a pulse, making sure that the weak pump of Gon’s blood was keeping him alive. He was too scared to turn his head and look at that face. He thought that if he saw it again he would scream like a child with a nightmare. He would forget that it was Gon, that it had to be Gon. It was made from his body, his mind, his will. He would dump it in the woods and run away screaming, never able to look back. No. Don’t look. Keep walking.
Crunch, crunch, crunch.
Where could he put his mind? What could distract, help him keep pushing away the hell that was encroaching onto the sides of his brain. A short rhyme came back into his head, and he rasped it out, voice sore from screaming.
I’ll never let you go again,
And there’s nothing you can do.
Until you say those magic words:
I love you
I love you
I love…. you.
Gon wasn’t going to answer him. Killua sung it back to himself, like a mantra to keep himself moving.
I love you,
I love you,
I love you.