Chapter Text
July 1998
Sirius wasn’t sure if he could handle the way Remus was looking at him. It was somewhat similar to how he had stared at him when they first got together, the summer they were on the run together in South America. Then, too, he had looked at Sirius as though he couldn’t really be there, as though Sirius was just too good to be true. The disbelief was still there, but it had taken on a new dimension. Remus was looking at Sirius as though--as though he had come back from the dead.
Well, Remus was justified in that , Sirius supposed. After all, he had. Remus had wrestled him back from the dead with his bare hands, more accurately.
It wasn’t that Sirius didn’t love the way Remus was looking at him, or anything of the sort. It was that he was not Merlin’s-gift-to-Remus-kind, because he was a disaster, a fuck up, a waste of air, a--he felt overwhelmingly cold, untethered, alone, and--
“Sirius, can you hear me, love?” Remus’s voice broke through the ringing in his ears and heartbeat pounding in his head. He lifted his eyes to meet Remus’s warm brown ones.
“Hey--sorry--” he managed. Remus’s face split into a beautiful smile and Sirius was instantly warmed by it.
“Lost you for a minute there,” Remus said. “You okay? Want to continue talking, or rest?” Sirius thought for a moment, remembering Healer Clearwater’s assurances that this kind of...brain lapse, he supposed, was okay. He was okay.
“Just keep going, as long as you don’t mind repeating yourself,” he decided, managing a weak smile. “Tell me--what did you do while I was not-dead?” To his surprise, Remus flushed a rather fetching shade of pink. Sirius raised an eyebrow at him. “Sorry, let me change the question,” he amended, disbelievingly. “ Who did you do?”
Remus was no longer flushing pink, now becoming almost dangerously red.
“Re?” Sirius urged. Remus’s eyes darted around their hospital room. “Come on, babe, I was mostly-dead. I’m not going to be upset about it. Unless it was like...Snivellus.”
“I would never, ” Remus objected, his horror at Sirius’s comment breaking his silence. “Look--it was kind of a friends with benefits thing?--I mean, we loved each other but we weren’t in love with each other--we lived together but it wasn’t like--we both lost someone and we were comforting each other--”
“Re!” Sirius exclaimed, shocking Remus out of his rambling. “Honestly, it’s okay! Just...who was it?”
“Erm?” Remus started, before getting so quiet that Sirius couldn’t really hear him. “Dora.”
“Who?” Sirius asked, nudging him.
“Nymphadora,” he muttered, still inaudible enough that Sirius could have sworn he misheard.
“Remus, darling, just tell me--audibly, this time,” he wheedled, not sure if he should be upset or amused.
“Tonks!” Remus shouted, finally. Sirius stared at him in shock. “I was...with Dora, okay?”
Amused. He should definitely be amused.
“I died. And you fucked. My cousin ?!” he snickered. “What, babe, needed to keep it in the crazy, inbred family?”
“It was her idea…” Remus sounded remarkably petulant, which made Sirius laugh harder. “After Em--” He cut off, and Sirius stopped laughing as he realized what Remus and Tonks sleeping together meant.
“Emmeline died?” He asked. Sadly, slowly, Remus nodded. Merlink. Who else had died since--since he had?
“Not long after--you,” Remus got out.
“Poor Dora…” Sirius felt a deep pang of sympathy for his cousin. After a few moments of silence, though, Sirius remembered how they got to the subject of Emmeline in the first place. “You slept with her! My baby cousin! Oh--I am going to give her such a hard time for sleeping with my boyfriend after I died, ” he whooped. This was priceless, he couldn’t wait to--
He caught sight of Remus’s face. He wasn’t laughing. Why--
“Re?” He asked, his laugh dying in his throat. “Is...is Dora--?” Remus nodded, and Sirius felt suddenly, unexpectedly like the floor had dropped out from under him. He had loved Dora since she was just a baby, and now she was just-- “How? When?”
“At the Battle of Hogwarts--the last battle of the war. She wasn’t supposed to be there!” Remus burst out, and Sirius couldn’t be even a little upset at him because he looked so fucking heartbroken. Even if they hadn’t been ‘in love,’ he could tell that Remus had cared deeply for Dora. “She was supposed to be at Andromeda’s with Teddy, but she left him with her mother and came--she came to--” A sob escaped him, and Sirius squeezed his hand, his mind going a mile a minute. Teddy--Ted was Dora’s father’s name--but Remus had said Andromeda’s, not the Tonks’s, which made Sirius think that Ted could be dead--was--
“Remus…?” Sirius asked after a few minutes. Remus raised his head to look at him, his eyes watery. “Who’s Teddy?” Remus looked startled--it seemed as though he had brought him up by accident. “Re...why was Dora supposed to hang back with Teddy?”
“He’s...erm…” Remus took a deep breath, seemingly steeling himself. “He’s my son. Mine and Dora’s. He’s just over three months old, and his hair color changes every day, and he’s so tiny Sirius, but so perfect.” He reached for his wallet, fumbling, while Sirius stared at him in shock.
“You had...a son? With my second cousin?” Sirius asked, somewhat rhetorically. Remus froze, guilt flashing across his face.
“It was an accident?” he offered. Sirius chuckled--somehow, he still wasn’t upset. He had been good as dead, and now Dora was dead. He was lucky to even be able to talk to Remus, no point in wasting time being angry. Remus began moving again, pulling a creased photograph out of his wallet. In it, a newborn baby gurgled, bright blue hair visible as he shook his little fists around.
“This is him?” Sirius said, needlessly, staring, enchanted by the photo. Remus, his face lighting up, smiled at the image.
“That’s Teddy,” he confirmed. Sirius tore his eyes away from the photo and reached for Remus.
“Hey--” He smiled, tilting Remus’s chin toward him. He captured his mouth in a gentle, loving kiss. “I can’t wait to meet him, Re.”
Remus’s face split into another broad smile, which Sirius quickly chased, kissing him again.
“Okay. So let me get this straight,” Sirius said, a few minutes later, pulling away from Remus with a gently teasing tone. “You had a friends-with-benefits thing with my favorite cousin, screwed her, and accidentally got her pregnant, resulting in this--” he gestured toward the photo, “--angel. Anything I’ve missed? Other lovers? Adopted pets?”
“Well,” Remus clearly hesitated. “Dora and I did get married."
“You did WHAT?”