Archive of Our Own

Once they officially got together, things between Shouto and Izuku didn’t really change much at all. It took them about an entire week and a half until they decided to start calling each other by their first names and that, in and of itself, had been a mess of ill-concealed blushes and nervous giggles that they had a really hard time containing as they tested it out together. Izuku’s given name rolls off his tongue really nicely, and Shouto would say that’s one of his favourite subtle developments but that would be moot considering everything is.

They still have lunch together with their many friends, chatting about anything and everything, nerdy or otherwise, but rather than sit across from each other, they sit side by side. Their knees touch under the table, and Shouto would be lying if he said he doesn’t sit as close as physically possible without actually hindering Izuku’s movements. It’s the warmth they share that really gets his heart going and fills his stomach with wonderful butterflies and he wouldn’t trade it for the world. So what, if their friends might think they’re being mushy, always wanting to be near each other at any given moment. It makes them happy, so he doesn’t think much of it.

Shouto still hates sports, but he still goes to every single one of Izuku’s wrestling practices, and instead of flashing him a thumbs up whenever he does well, he makes a tiny heart with his thumb and index. Each and every time, Izuku’s face turns beet red, and Shouto’s own lights up like the sky at sunset, blotchy pinks dusted all over his cheeks and warming them to worrying temperatures. If he didn’t know any better, he might say that he is going to spontaneously combust at any moment.

Every week and whenever time allows it, Shouto will still go to Izuku’s house so that they can play videogames or read comics together after their studies, just like before. But now that they are more than just friends, they sit a little closer, like they do at lunch, their fingers intertwining as they flip through the coloured pages together, smiling to themselves because it feels so right. It’s a pity there isn’t a way for them to do the same while holding a controller, but they are both too competitive to actually think too much about it while they’re pummelling each other’s characters to death or throwing pink shells at each other across the kart tracks.

Things are still the same, mostly, but Shouto feels like they are entirely different too. Every smile holds a lot more meaning now. Well, the meaning is the same, but each of them knows exactly what it is, he should say. Because even before they decided to call each other boyfriend rather than best friend, Shouto’s smiles were as bright as Izuku made them. It just feels so much better now, to know that Izuku knows why he smiles this way around him, why he smiles at all.

Things haven’t changed much, but the subtle changes make all the difference.

And it’s not exactly a secret, they never meant it to be one, but the start to their relationship certainly wasn’t quiet. Exchanging notes while blushing like maidens was pretty telling, as one might figure. Given their class’s tendency for gossip, it wasn’t exactly a mystery to Shouto that some of his classmates might try to pry information out of him.

Not at all to his surprise, not even two months later, Ashido and Uraraka corner him during one of their class breaks while Izuku goes to the bathroom and he can only raise an eyebrow at them. Ashido rubs her hands together like some cartoon villain, smiling deviously before leaning over his desk.

“So, Todoroki-kun… Tell us, is Midoriya-kun a good kisser? Does he use a lot of tongue? Too much maybe?” Uraraka rolls her eyes and Shouto blinks stupidly, taken aback by the question.

“I don’t know…” He says slowly. “We haven’t kissed yet…”

At that, Uraraka grins triumphantly, turning to Ashido with the look of someone who just proved the biggest point in the history of proving points. “Hah! Told ya these dorks hadn’t kissed yet! Pay up, pinky!”

Begrudgingly, Ashido slaps some cash onto Uraraka’s hand and Shouto feels his stomach starting to sink as the implications slowly settle on his mind and he begins to feel self-conscious.

“Is that—is that weird?”

Shouto hadn’t really given it much thought. It’s not like he doesn’t want to kiss Izuku, he has wondered what it might be like more than once; a lot actually. But he was comfortable taking things slow, thought that was what Izuku wanted since he hadn’t even mentioned it himself.

“Not for you guys.” Uraraka says matter-of-factly and a cold shiver runs down Shouto’s spine.

“Do you think he doesn’t want to kiss me?” He asks, his voice strangled.

Uraraka and Ashido both dismiss his question with half-hearted chuckles and reassurances, but Shouto can already feel the doubt creeping up on him. The first thought that pops into his suddenly panicked mind is obviously his scar and once it’s there, he can’t really let go of it. It’s unsightly, he knows this. And though Izuku had never exactly mentioned it or said anything bad about it, it was impossible for him not to be… bothered by it, at least to some extent… right?

Was it perhaps too hard for Izuku to stare into? And getting that close and personal, it was bound to be even worse.

The urge to scratch at his scar becomes unbearable so he takes off his glasses instead, aggressively wiping any smudges he doesn’t even see with his blurred vision until Izuku finally passes by his desk. Shouto looks up at the call of his name, and though he can’t really see much more than a blob, he doesn’t need to put on his glasses to know that Izuku is smiling at him.

It should put all of his worries to rest, because Izuku’s genuine sunshine smile always does, but the anxiety eating away at his insides is too much for him to ignore. He can’t stop it from spreading to his veins, cold and unforgiving, travelling all the way to his heart and squeezing tightly. He tries to smile back when he finally sets his glasses back on his nose, and he can see the line of confusion on Izuku’s face from the tension at the corners of his lips.

Before he has the chance to ask anything, Aizawa makes his entrance into the room and he has to walk to his seat, much to Shouto’s relief. Though that relief is short-lived, considering the fear knocking loudly at the back of his head continues to consume him.

Who would want to kiss him, having to witness that gnarly scar in such agonising detail the closer they lean in? And maybe, maybe Shouto is making this all up in his mind, but what if there is some other reason they haven’t kissed yet and Izuku isn’t telling him? What if Shouto has bad breath? Or what if he is having doubts about their relationship as a whole and kissing would make it too official? Maybe Izuku is saving his first kiss for someone really special and he has realised that Shouto isn’t it but he’s too nice to break his heart. Everyone knows how in love with him Shouto is, it’s written on his face.

When they walk to Izuku’s house that afternoon after class, Shouto is quiet, fiddling with his glasses’ frame every other minute so that he doesn’t think about the imaginary itch over his left eye, so he doesn’t scratch the skin around the scar bloody. Now, that would be stellar, wouldn’t it? Just make it even more unsightly.

They make it to Izuku’s room and Shouto still hasn’t said a single word, and neither has Izuku.

Shouto will sometimes get these complicated moods, and Izuku respects him enough to not push for him to talk until he feels ready to say anything, and this time is no different. But he can tell that there’s something different, the way Izuku shifts from one foot to another before setting down his backpack or how he taps rhythmically on the console’s controller as he boots it up seems impatient.

Does he know? Or is he gearing up to lay out the bad news on Shouto? Is he going to break up with him?

God, Shouto, stop freaking out.

“Shouto… You’re acting weird.”

He swallows nervously. “W-weird how?”

“I didn’t wanna say anything, but… You’re not like usual. This doesn’t seem like it’s about your father and it’s making me nervous. Did I—did I do something wrong?”

The hurt in Izuku’s voice shoots through Shouto like a merciless bullet and he immediately shakes his head to deny any of it, but he can’t actually choke any words out to explain exactly what is wrong. He’s not even sure where to start. Everything was perfect this morning, but because of a stupid conversation he’s spiralling into a dark abyss of insecurity and he doesn’t really know how to drag himself out of it.

It’s becoming a little too much too fast and he can’t really breathe.

“Shouto, you okay? Take a few deep breaths, please.” Shouto tries to do just that, closing his eyes and chastising himself for this absurd reaction.

It’s so stupid, so irrational, and he knows it, so why is it so hard to stop it all from consuming him? He forces himself to breathe normally, slowly, one deep breath in, one deep breath out, just like Izuku instructs, and once he doesn’t feel like the world is about to crash down on him, he looks Izuku in the eye.

That emerald gaze he loves to get lost in so much is filled with concern and even a little bit of terror and guilt, and a lump forms in Shouto’s throat as his stomach twists into knots. He bites on the inside of his cheek.

“Did you know Uraraka and Ashido had a bet about your kissing? Uraraka was sure we hadn’t kissed yet. She was right. Why did she think that?”

Izuku opens his mouth and closes it again, looking a little bit like a goldfish, before his whole face starts to tint in a lovely shade of red and he clears his throat. He knows, he knows why, and Shouto is freaking out because he isn’t saying anything and that can’t be good, can it?

Without thinking, he continues talking.

“Is it because of my scar? You find it disgusting, don’t you? It’s okay, I get it, how can I blame you for that? It’s awful.”

“Shouto!” Izuku blurts out, scandalised, and Shouto effectively clicks his jaw shut, eyes widening with mild shock at the outburst. “Of course I don’t find it disgusting! I don’t find anything about you disgusting! Why would you think that?!”

Shouto blinks dumbly for the second time that day, scratching at the back of his neck as he lets out a stuttered breath and shrugs. Well, it’s not exactly like he finds the scar anything easy to look at himself, it would only be natural for others to feel the same way, wouldn’t it?

“I just…”

“You’re beautiful, I don’t even know how to begin to describe how gorgeous you are, Shouto.”

“Then… that’s not why you don’t want to kiss me?”

“Who said anything about me not wanting to kiss you?!” Izuku asks, a little exasperated as he hangs his head in defeat.

“Well, I mean… We’ve been dating for a while, right? I didn’t think anything of it until they said something but…”

“I have wanted to kiss you since before we were dating.”

“Oh…” Shouto offers intelligently.

He wasn’t expecting that. Which is silly, really, considering he feels pretty much the same way. But then again, Shouto never really thought that anyone else would feel that way about him to begin with and here they are. They did confess to each other. They do spend all the time they can together and they do want to be with each other.

“Then, why haven’t we?” Shouto finds himself asking, and Izuku turns a whole new shade of red.

At this point, Shouto should start cataloguing them, there are so many hues he’s discovered just from being around Izuku it’s uncanny. Perhaps some of them have never even been seen before. He wouldn’t be surprised if Izuku had a whole blushing colour unique to him, that’s how one-of-a-kind he really is.

“Well… I mean, it’s stupid, kind of, but I want our first kiss to be the sort of experience that we’ll never forget, that you will never forget really. I want it to be unforgettable but for, like, good reasons. And I’ve never kissed anyone before, you know? So, I’m like one hundred and ten percent sure that I’m absolutely terrible at it. So I wanted to research. I didn’t want you to remember our first kiss as ‘that one time I shoved my tongue all the way down your throat’ or something equally horrifying. I mean, I was afraid I’d use too much tongue, but then what if I didn’t use any at all and you found it boring. I just wanted to be sure I knew what I was doing. But all the knowledge I found on the matter was dubious at best or just utterly impossible to practice without a partner to do it with, but that brought me back to how I don’t want our first kiss to be so horrible you’re probably going to hate it forever or something, I don’t know.”

Shouto slumps back a little, stunned at the slew of unfiltered words that just spewed out of Izuku’s mouth so fast it was hard to catch even a single one and make any sense of it among everything else. But if he managed to grab enough loose pieces then—

“You’re worried our first kiss is going to be bad?”

Somehow, Izuku manages to blush even harder. “Y-yes.”

A wave of relief washes over Shouto and he lets himself fall with his back onto the floor, his heart jackhammering against his ribcage so hard it knocks the breath right out of him. Izuku flusters even further, hovering over him and fussing about whether he’s okay. Shouto simply sighs heavily, looking up at Izuku. Tears shine in the corners of his eyes and Shouto reaches for his face, brushing them away with his thumb as he caresses his face. With a little whiny hum, Izuku leans into the touch, reaching for Shouto’s hand with his own.

Sitting back up and sighing once more, though this time slightly dreamy more than anything else, Shouto finds his gaze dropping to Izuku’s lips trapped between his teeth, and embarrassment flares on his cheeks all over again. He clears his throat and rubs at the back of his neck before averting his eyes down to the floor, nervous butterflies swarming in his gut at the thoughts suddenly coming to life in his mind.

“I don’t mind… If it’s bad or whatever… If you want to kiss me, all you need to do is say so. We can figure out how to do it well as we go, right?”

“B-but what if you hate it?”

“Figure out how I like it.” Shouto says matter-of-factly, tone even and unwavering despite his heart threatening to beat right out of his chest. “It’s not like I know how to kiss anyone either.”

When he finally looks back up, he jerks back at how close Izuku’s face suddenly is, swallowing around the lump in his throat and letting out a stuttered breath. Slowly, as if any brusquer movements might startle him away, Izuku lifts his hand to Shouto’s face, carefully taking his glasses and sliding them off to set them aside. He leans closer, and closer, and closer… Shouto can feel his warm breath on his already heated cheeks.

It feels like time has stopped and the moment never comes, lasting for a small eternity as Izuku leans in, closing the distance between them bit by agonising bit. Growing impatient, Shouto simply takes matters into his own hands and closes the miniscule gap, completely misjudging how close Izuku was already and bumping into his nose.

Izuku gasps and jolts backwards but Shouto doesn’t want to let this insignificant mishap ruin the moment, resting his hands on each side of his boyfriend’s face and pulling him in. Their lips crash along with their teeth, noses squishing together yet again, but he just pushes back a little and adjusts the angle, trying to be less aggressive this time and barely brushing his lips over Izuku’s. They try to move then, but all they really manage is to stiffly open their mouths slightly before closing them again in an even weirder position than before.

It’s… so incredibly awkward, and Shouto only feels the blood crawl further to the tips of his ears when Izuku pulls away with a little giggle.

“That was…”

“—disastrous?” Shouto offers, covering his burning face with his hands.

“Well, yeah… Yeah it was. But I didn’t hate it…” Izuku whispers, his voice just the slightest bit shaky. “Can we try again? It’s okay if you don’t want to.”

Peeking from between his fingers and realising it’s kind of useless without his glasses, Shouto considers that it might be best if he can’t actually see the look on Izuku’s face. If he looks like he’s cringing as badly as Shouto is, he might just lose all sort of nerve he has managed to gather for the first failed attempt. They’re never going to get better if they don’t at least try.

“We’re trying until we get the hang of it.” Shouto chokes out, failing miserably at not sounding like he’s dying a little on the inside and telling himself that Izuku isn’t going to hold it against him that their first kiss is nothing like he wanted it to be.

“That might take a while.”

Shouto’s heart skips a few beats and he nods stiffly. “I know. I can think of worse ways to spend my time, can’t you?”

Rather than give him an actual answer, Izuku just steals another clumsy kiss, and then another, wrapping an arm around Shouto’s waist and pulling him closer, and he instinctively wraps his own around his neck, back arching slightly in his boyfriend’s hold. They lose track of time as they try again and again, until without even realising it, Shouto is lying down on his back and Izuku leaning over him to as he takes his lips in short pecks that are becoming more and more like something they might consider good.

And then, just as Shouto is actually starting to enjoy himself, about to part his lips in a breathless plea for more, Izuku jumps away when the door to his room slams shut. They both stare at the tray of food left on the floor beside it, wide-eyed and flushed for more than just their previous activities. When Izuku’s mother shouts a flustered apology from the other side, they can’t even think about getting back to it, just awkwardly sitting back up and straightening themselves out.

Not daring to utter a single word, freckled cheeks on fire, Izuku drags the food to their side so that they can eat and Shouto returns the glasses to their rightful place.

In spite of the embarrassment coursing through their veins, the goofy smile on Izuku’s face is enough to ease all of his worries. None of it matters when Izuku drapes his hand over Shouto’s and squeezes, lets his head falls on his shoulder and laughs. It’s a clear and harmonious sound, the sweetest and most infectious music that Shouto can’t help but join his own melody to. They sound good together, happy. However mortified they may be at getting caught, the high from what they got caught doing is much too wonderful to be soiled.

“We should do that again.” Izuku grins wider.

“Maybe without your mother walking in though.”

“There will be a fifty percent chance, I take it.”

“I think I like those odds.”

Izuku smiles back at Shouto, picking up the abandoned YBOX controller and finally turning on the game they had planned to play from the beginning.

***

With all the ‘practice’ they were getting, it’s not long before they figure out how to properly kiss, what the other likes and doesn’t. And once they do, they can’t seem to get enough, the novelty of it all only fuelling their eager passion as they learn each other’s tastes and commit them to memory even though they never stay away long enough to forget at all. Whether they are actually good at what they’re doing or not, neither has anything to really compare it to, but they enjoy their slow kisses, the way they melt into each other’s embrace and bask in the warmth of it all.

The heat of it all. It would be a lie to say things didn’t sometimes get a little heated, and they might have gone further, what with the honeymoon phase cranking everything up to the max, but no fewer than seven times, they got interrupted by Inko walking in on their… activities. Shouto doesn’t think Izuku will ever live down the fact that their heavy make out sessions have been witnessed by his mother more than the appropriate zero times it should have happened.

And sure, they hadn’t really planned on anything happening, but the sheer horror of the prospect of her seeing anything more than what she already has, prompts them into a verbal contract that nothing will ever happen before college. Ever.

“Wait, so, does that mean… we’re going to college together?” Shouto asks, suddenly noticing what they had agreed on.

Red dusts over Izuku’s cheeks faster than ever before and he starts to fidget and mumble unintelligibly. Shouto leans closer, placing a searing peck below Izuku’s ear that effectively shuts him up, eyes widening as he sucks in a gasp and lets out a tiny high-pitched noise before slapping his hand over his mouth. Keeping that reaction in mind for the future, Shouto pulls away to adjust his glasses.

Izuku clears his throat. “I was saying that… I was thinking I don’t want to be away from you, so I was thinking we could go to the same university or something…”

Shouto hums in thought, moving to sit behind Izuku, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his chin on his shoulder. Lacing their fingers together, Izuku falls back into his hold, sighing.

“What are you pursuing?” Shouto nuzzles Izuku’s neck, not really caring about how it shifts his glasses into an awkward position all over again.

“I was thinking psychology?” Izuku starts, a little unsure. He squeezes Shouto’s hands tighter and he returns the favour. “I want… to help kids with depression and anxiety… Did you know that it’s becoming more and more common? And most of them aren’t getting the treatment they need, just… suffering alone…” Trailing off with a shaky breath, Izuku cranes his neck and looks back at Shouto with a wobbly smile. “Anyway, do you have any idea what you might want to do?”

“My father wants me to follow the family business.”

“Oh.”

“I’m thinking I want to study law, though. Be a defence attorney, or something the like, protect those who suffer in the face of injustice.”

At that, Izuku chuckles lowly. “You’ve been playing too much Lead Lawyer, haven’t you?”

With a roll of his eyes, he smacks one of his hands playfully, huffing out an amused breath that he tries to pass off as frustration. “It’s not that, just, anything other than corporate law.”

“Which is exactly what your father would want you to do.”

“Not like I would tell him that anyway.” He grumbles with a petulant purse of his lips. “I just want to do some good, okay?”

“I know, Shouto, I’m just teasing. I think you’d be a great lawyer. You’re really smart and you care about fairness and justice. You’d be amazing. Hey…” Izuku lowers his gaze, a soft flush dusting across his cheeks. “You think we could get into the same university? Different faculties, of course but… Maybe we could even live together.”

Shouto can’t help but smile at the hope in Izuku’s tone, how it sparks all sorts of fireworks in his chest and spreads a hint of joy through his veins. Anticipation settles in his stomach, all thoughts of what can be making him want time to speed all the way through the next two years even more. It’s not just about leaving his father’s constant control, not just about getting away from the terrible memories of that house. Now he can make new memories, wonderful ones, with Izuku by his side. A whole new beginning with someone he cares so deeply about, leaving behind the past and building a brighter future.

“That sounds nice. I’d really like that. Now I just have to convince my douchebag father to let me follow a completely different path than what he planned out for me.”

“Should be easy.” Izuku breathes out, turning around in his arms to kiss his lips. “If he happens to cut you off, we can work part-time. I’ll obviously be a stripper with this fine body and you can probably be the sexy bartender if you try a little harder.” He snickers, wiggling his eyebrows, and Shouto pushes him off with a half-hearted shove.

Surprisingly enough, when he actually gathers enough courage to bring it up to his father, after a few panicked afternoons spent shaking in Izuku’s arms, it goes a lot better than he expected. Apparently, law is a respectable enough career in his father’s eyes and also potentially useful to his pharmaceutical company for him to consider it.

Shouto doesn’t dare mention what type of lawyer he’s planning to be. What his father doesn’t know, certainly can’t hurt Shouto. Not until it’s too late, anyway.

Fuyumi and Natsuo help him get that final approval on the condition that he will still take some business-oriented classes and, going into his third year of high school, Shouto is ready to work his ass off to get into the university he and Izuku painstakingly picked out. Close enough to his mother’s hospital that he can still visit her regularly, far enough away that he can justify not seeing his father, both of their faculties being relatively close on campus and, last but certainly not least… Dorms.

As he excitedly talks to his siblings and his mom about all the plans they’ve made and how Izuku is doing everything he can to get himself a good scholarship, it seems as if they catch on to a little more than he originally intended. He wasn’t going to hide the fact that they wanted to share a dorm, but when he realises how much they all read into it… Shouto regrets pretty much everything he told them.

Their high school had a good enough sex education program, Kayama’s lessons more than a little thorough on how to have a healthy and safe sex life. There was a whole class dedicated to masturbation and its benefits and he is pretty sure those images are going to be branded into the back of his eyelids for the rest of his life. He doesn’t need this.

Fuyumi is the first to corner him one day after he returns from one of his many afternoons at Izuku’s. She sits him down at the dinner table—which, in retrospect, Shouto thinks is a little horrifying—, and then takes her own seat across from him with her hands resting between them. He eyes the plastic bag beside her suspiciously and tries not to think too much about how it’s impossible to see through it and figure out its contents. Shouto doesn’t ignore the fact that their father is conveniently out late for an important dinner either.

“So, you’re thinking of living with your boyfriend in college, right?” Blinking slowly, he nods in response, dreading where this conversation is even going. “You two have been together for like, what, two years?”

“About that, yes. Why are you asking.”

“Well,” Fuyumi starts, taking the bag and pouring everything out in front of him. Shouto’s eyes widen and his jaw goes slack at the sight of countless, colourful foil packets with perfectly round ring outlines. “You’re a healthy young man and I’m sure you two have thought of… exploring each other’s bodies.”

“No.” Shouto blurts out standing up, ready to walk out of the room and lock himself behind his own’s door, but Fuyumi shoots him an icy glare so terrifying that he sinks back into his chair before she utters a single word. “I can’t say we haven’t thought about it.” He chokes out and his sister smiles sweetly.

“Then, I’m sure you know that you should always wear a condom for your own protection. Whichever of you is doing the… you know.”

“Yes, I know all that, we’ve talked about it at school so you really don’t have t—” Fuyumi lifts up her hand and he shuts his mouth immediately.

“There is a whole array of condoms you can use and I’m sure they didn’t go into detail on what you have at your disposal.” Does it matter if he says he can figure that out on his own? From the look of determination on her face that demands his undivided attention, probably not. “So, first distinction, latex or latex free. Not sure if you’re aware, but some people have latex allergies and that can get really uncomfortable, really quick. Most people don’t even know they have it until it happens and it’s never a good time.”

Gnawing at the inside of his cheek, Shouto sits quietly as she goes on and on about lubricated condoms, flavours, ribbed and dotted and so on, cringing so hard it feels like his muscles might start cramping but resigning himself to his fate. Fuyumi keeps talking about all these kinds of condoms, sometimes taking them out to show exactly what she means, much to Shouto’s horror. Once she finally finishes her hour-long lesson, his brain is so utterly liquified from the scorching heat on his face that he barely thinks before spewing the next words out of his mouth.

“Did you buy all these just for this?”

All the answer he gets is a tiny laugh and a pat on his shoulder as she rounds the table to take all the open condoms to the trash, leaving him with the remaining ones. He can’t get rid of the mental image that follows if his life depended on it.

When Izuku asks him what’s wrong the next day, all he can do is shudder and tell him not to worry about it. Maybe if he just goes about his life as if nothing happened, he’ll eventually forget it. Or maybe it will fade into the depths of his subconscious and become nothing but a distant memory he isn’t sure is real anymore.

Though, of course fate isn’t so kind, and the very next time Natsuo visits home on one of their father’s weekends away, he pulls Shouto out of his room and away from his current read to sit him down at the dinner table once more. Shouto tries to tell himself that there is a logical and much less cringeworthy explanation for this but when his brother asks him about Izuku, he can already feel his stomach churning with nausea.

“Natsu-nii—”

“Shouto, this is an important part of your life and I am just looking out for your wellbeing. Neither of us want you to have to explain to dad why you’re at the hospital with an—”

“That’s enough. I’m just going to stop you right there and save us both the embarrassment.” Shouto says with a heavy sigh, getting up from his seat and starting back towards his room only for his brother to bar his way, arms crossed over his chest and one eyebrow raised.

“You are going to sit down, and you are going to listen to everything I have to tell you.” Shouto simply purses his lips, unconvinced. “It’s for your own good. Unless you want me to get Fuyumi to make you listen, she’s good at that.”

Groaning loudly, Shouto drags himself back to the table and slumps into the chair, rubbing his eyes underneath his glasses before readjusting them and facing Natsuo, face a calculated neutral mask. When his brother pulls a bottle of lube out of his pocket and sets it on the table in front of him, Shouto has a hard time doing anything but stare.

“Consider this a gift. There is no such thing as ‘too much lube’ when it comes to anal, Shouto. Trust me.”

Shouto sinks even lower in his seat, letting his head fall back as Natsuo starts his lesson on how a thicker, water-based lube is the best option to pair with latex condoms and how one should go about prep before moving further. He tries not to think too much about why exactly Natsuo knows this too, because he doesn’t think he can handle more of those mental images. Not that he actually succeeds, but that’s just something he is going to have to learn to live with, he supposes.

“—and look on the bright side, prep can be foreplay too, no reason it shouldn’t be fun.” Shouto can’t hold back the groan building in his throat but Natsuo just keeps talking as if he said nothing at all. “Just remember, if it hurts, stop. Take your time, you’ll get there eventually.”

That continues for at least another half hour and Shouto is once again left to crawl to his room with less brain cells than he left it, given how most of them fried trying to keep his face from bursting into flames, probably. It’s a good thing he doesn’t have any classes the next day, because Izuku would certainly ask him why he looks like a traumatised zombie again. He still looks at him a little funny the following Monday, but Shouto has managed to shove the experience so far into the bottomless pits of his repressed memories he’s mostly just a little sleep-deprived, but that’s nothing new.

Except he goes visit his mother at the hospital the following Sunday, and Shouto honestly doesn’t know why he thought this would be just like any other time. Especially when he distinctly remembers hearing her mutter “One of those beds is definitely going to waste” when he first mentioned that he and Izuku wanted to share a dorm. Granted, he just assumed she meant they’d be sleeping together, not that they’d be sleeping together. Which isn’t to say that they wouldn’t but that’s entirely beside the point.

The fact of the matter is that, even though he loves his mother and wants to spend as much time with her as he possibly can, he seriously considers just leaving the moment he sits down and she starts their conversation with “Shouto, when two people love each other very much…”

“Mom, please. I beg of you, can we… not?” He implores, just about ready to keel over and die from the embarrassment. “Whatever you’re about to say, I am pretty sure I know it already. U.A. really has a good and thorough program.”

“Do you know what the best positions for your first time are?” Shouto gapes at his mother, at a complete loss for words. The answer to that question is a resounding no, but he doesn’t really have the time to recover from the question before she floors him with yet another one. “This is your first time, right?”

Figuring he doesn’t actually have a choice in whether he is going to sit here and listen to whatever his mother has to say or not, he rests his elbows on his knees and his forehead on his hands. “No, I don’t. Yes, it is.”

“Alright, then. Take this as you will, but as much as you might want it to be romantic and look into each other’s eyes, it’s probably best if you start from behind. Now, here’s what I think would work best for you two from what you tell me of him—”

He leaves his mother’s room that day looking just a little paler than usual. And when once again Izuku asks him if everything is okay the next day as they sit down in his bedroom after school, Shouto stares him dead in the eye for much longer than one might consider normal. Izuku shifts awkwardly, scratching at his cheek with a sheepish smile.

“Sh-Shouto?”

“Izuku,” He starts, voice level and the most boring monotone he can muster. “When two people love each other—”

“Wait, what are you—”

“—and as they grow closer in their relationship, it’s only natural that certain urges—”

“Shouto, please—”

“—so, it’s good to be prepared for when the moment comes—”

“I will tackle you!”

“—start by going through the array of condoms at your dispos—”

“That’s it.”

Izuku pushes Shouto onto his back and knocks the breath right out of him with his weight, his glasses falling crooked on his face as he finally breaks into a smirk and continues his speech much to his boyfriend’s protests. He knows very well that Izuku can wrestle him into a headlock without breaking a sweat, but he still tries to shove him off as he chuckles, his words stuttered as he tries to choke them out.

When he realises Shouto isn’t shutting up, it seems he takes matters into his own hands, pinning his arms above his head before stealing the words right from his mouth with a kiss. The resistance in him dies instantly as he returns it, wrapping his arms around Izuku’s neck as soon as he lets them go.

“Oh,” Izuku laughs against his lips. “So, now—” he kisses him again. “—you shut up.”

Shouto grins into the kiss all over again. “I can keep going if yo—mmf”

Izuku doesn’t waste a single second to shut him up again and again, and maybe a few more times just to be sure. Not that Shouto minds one bit.

A knock sounds at the door and they break apart, taking a moment to make themselves look less like they were just making out before Izuku calls back for his mother to come in with the usual snacks. Even if they started keeping the door closed, Shouto can never quite look Inko in the eye when she seems to have such perfectly terrible timing. He’s pretty sure his face is still a little flushed and Izuku sure isn’t looking any better, though he never does. Shouto casually tugs at his shirt and wonders if she noticed he didn’t manage to tuck it in properly.

The little smile she flashes them when he finally looks up is in no way encouraging and, as much as he enjoys Inko’s snacks and her loving demeanour, Shouto can’t help but think he can hardly wait for them to go off to college. The day already couldn’t come fast enough even before he knew Izuku, and the thought of having some proper privacy, a room all to themselves where they can just be without worrying about who might see what… now that sounds like bliss.

***

As he packs up the very last box in his room, Izuku has to look around, nostalgia filling his chest when he sees it so barren. Some of the posters of his favourite comic book hero are still up, a few of the comics are still neatly ordered on one of the shelves, only his favourites packed up and ready to go. A soft knock sounds at his door and Izuku turns to see his mother smiling softly at him.

“All done?”

“Yeah…” He breathes, a small shiver crawling down his spine. “It’s finally happening, huh?”

His mother sniffles and he feels the tears burning in his eyes too. “Gosh, it got here so fast. I could swear you were just a baby last week, and I was holding you in my arms and now look at you! My baby boy, off to college with his boyfriend.”

A wet laugh builds deep in Izuku’s chest while a blush crawls all the way up his neck and pools on his cheeks, and he pulls his mother into a tight hug, kissing the top of her head as she holds him in return, burying her face in his chest. He still can’t quite believe that it’s really happening, to be honest. They worked really hard for it, both of them, but it’s finally here, they’re going to college together, living in a dorm together, continuing their studies together.

They are going to be able to see each other’s faces when they fall asleep, share meals with each other. Studying together will be both torture and amazing, because they will be there for one another, with an encouraging nudge or a rewarding kiss. And after that, they will be able to cuddle with a book each, perhaps a manga, they can watch a movie instead if they so wish, probably one of All Might’s films for the one hundredth time because they both love it so much. Izuku more than Shouto, undoubtedly, but he still sees that same book in his messenger’s bag every once in a while.

Their whole lives are ahead of them and Izuku can’t wait to get started on this new beginning.

“Oh, honey!” His mother coos, taking his face between her hands and wiping the tears away from his eyes. “I’m so proud of you! I’m going to miss you so much!”

“I’m going to miss you too…” Izuku chokes out, laughing once more, the joy bursting from his heart and spilling into everything around, painting it all in new and vibrant colours. “I still can’t believe I got here.”

“You are an amazing young man and you will do great things, you are going to help so many people. But you aren’t going to do any of that if you stay here, crying in your mother’s arms, are you?”

Pulling her in for one more embrace, Izuku takes one deep breath and wipes the remaining the tears with the back of his hand, smiling at her. Shouto should be here any minute so that they can drive up to the university together, so he starts taking his things down to the entrance, balancing on the balls of his feet once he’s done and he has yet to wait. He stares the door down as if it’s somehow going to make time go by faster, take Shouto right to his doorstep so they can get in that car and get this year started right.

“Izuku, dear. You’re going to give yourself a blister pacing that hard.”

“I’m just… really excited.”

“I know.” She smiles, squeezing his elbow affectionately then walking over to the living room and returning with a small black bag. “I have a parting gift for you before you leave.”

“Mom, you didn’t have to do th—” Izuku cuts off once he actually looks into the bag, the smile falling right off his face as he stares at the box of condoms. “W-what’s this?”

“I just want you to be safe, Izuku.”

“Mom—”

“I have caught you two… in compromising positions too many times to count.”

“Mom, I am so sorry, I swear we didn’t—”

“I know. I just ask that you be safe when you do.”

Blushing a whole new shade of scarlet, Izuku shoves the bag into one of the boxes and mumbles his way through a ‘thank you’, not even noticing his mother leaving the room and returning with something else.

“Oh…”

Izuku slowly takes the picture frame from his mother’s hands, his fingers brushing over the badly painted ice cream sticks he had made it with as a young child. His dad had just left for that job overseas and she was so sad, he just wanted to cheer her up. Izuku remembers telling her that she could put the prettiest picture in it, and anytime she looked at it, it would help her smile. That same picture was still there, one his dad had taken himself, of his mother holding him up in his All Might onesie, both of them laughing.

“You should take it with you.” She smiles softly and a knot forms in his throat all over again.

“It’s your favourite picture.”

“I have a lot more. It’s so you don’t forget home.”

“As if I could ever.”

The doorbell finally rings then and Izuku’s heart jumps to his throat.

He stares from his mom to the door, somewhat frozen, and she laughs once more, telling him to go on and greet his boyfriend as she takes the frame back and packs it away with everything else. Izuku runs down to Shouto’s side, picking him up and spinning him around before kissing him on his way back down to the floor. He can feel Shouto’s smile against his lips, his adoration in the way he holds him back so tightly and refuses to let go for the longest time, and he is torn between getting everything in the car as quickly as possible and melting into the embrace forever.

The excitement to get this new chapter in their life started seems to win out in the end, though, and they break apart after one more kiss, going back to Izuku’s apartment to get his things and finally make it onto the road. It takes them another hour before his mother releases them from another fifty lectures to take care of themselves, her own rib-crushing hugs and heartfelt tears and one last snack so they don’t get hungry on the way until they finally get in the car.

Shouto’s face usually sits in more of a neutral default—one could call it a Resting Bitch Face and Kacchan never fails to do so, anyway—but when Izuku looks over to him, every edge on his expression is softened with a touch of joy, a small smile resting on his thin lips as he turns on the engine. Smiling so wide his own cheeks hurt, Izuku settles in the seat, sneaking a hand onto Shouto’s leg and squeezing his thigh.

“This is it.” Izuku whispers excitedly.

“Our new beginning.” Shouto returns, leaning over to kiss Izuku once more then pulling out of the parking lot.

Taking a moment to admire the car’s interior, the comfort of the seats, the softness of the fabric, the soft purr of the engine, Izuku lets his head fall back. “I still can’t believe your dad got you a car as a graduation present.”

“You see,” Shouto shrugs, rolling his eyes at the mention. “He believes he can buy my respect since being a decent human being was never an option.”

“Oh, I should look into that, it sounds so much easier.” Izuku jests, clicking his tongue immediately after. “Crap, I forgot I’m not rich. Guess I’ll have to keep loving you the old-fashioned way.”

“And here I thought I was going to get showered with gifts now.”

“Sorry, only gifts you’re getting from me are hugs and kisses.” Izuku blows a kiss in Shouto’s direction and he pretends to catch it and hold it against his heart.

“I think I can live with that. Oh, I have an idea. Let’s make a score system. For each hug you get fifty points and each kiss is worth one hundred.”

Izuku can’t help but mirror Shouto’s little smirk. “I like that. Then I propose cuddling awards points per time, so the longer I cuddle you, the higher the score.”

“Accepted.”

“And what are the level ups? Do I get rewards?”

Humming in thought, Shouto taps that steering wheel in time with the low music playing on the radio. “You need incremental scores to reach higher levels.”

“Of course,” Izuku nods in agreement, rubbing at his chin as if stroking a non-existent beard. “This is a little different than your regular RPG. Rather than learning new moves from levelling up, one would assume those new moves get me the points to reach the next levels.”

“That would only make sense. Level ups award you boyfriend privileges.”

“Hey, I thought I already had those!” Izuku protests, crossing his arms over his chest. “No fair.”

“You can get more.” Shouto flashes him a lopsided grin and Izuku feigns a shocked gasp.

“I can’t believe you’ve been withholding boyfriend privileges!”

“Hey,” Shouto shoots defensively. “I have to keep some aces up my sleeve, otherwise you’d get bored of me. All the interesting things I know, you taught me. Romance is the only thing I have on my side.”

“Seems fake but okay.”

“I did a lot of research.”

“Uh-huh. Well, for that I say these two years of dating count for my score total. I should be at level 50 at least.”

“Hmm, close but not quite. That level unlocks living together.”

“Isn’t that what we’re about to do?”

“See, I said close. Sharing a dorm and living together are not exactly the same thing.” Shouto clarifies, casually adjusting his glasses on his face. “You’re at level 15. You got some points knocked out because we haven’t—” He clears his throat, clearly embarrassed of what he’s about to say if the faint blush on his cheeks is any indication. “—gone the whole way yet.”

Izuku feels his own face heating up, but the giggle that falls from his lips quells some of that bashfulness and he pokes Shouto’s side. “You’re so cute when you try to talk dirty to me.”

“Shut up.”

Shouto tries to sound offended, but the way the corners of his mouth twitch against his will drastically cuts the intended effect. Turning up the music as he sticks out his tongue at his boyfriend, Izuku returns his hand to Shouto’s thigh and gets comfortable for the rest of the ride. The trip isn’t very long, but by the time they actually get everything about their dorm sorted and unpack their stuff, it’s already getting quite late.

Izuku crashes face-first onto his bed with a grunt after they return from the showers, while Shouto takes out his phone to order them some food. After all the hard work finding space for their games and books and Izuku’s limited edition merch collection (that he absolutely can’t live without), they deserve some greasy takeout. Dropping his phone near the pillow, Shouto lets himself fall back on his own bed and they stare at each other over the gap, a goofy smile stretching across Izuku’s lips as he reaches for his boyfriend, wiggling his fingers when he is nowhere near his target. Shouto huffs out a laugh and stretches his leg towards Izuku’s hand, smirking.

“Get your stinky foot away from my delicate hands!” Izuku giggles, swatting at Shouto’s shin.

“My feet don’t stink. That’s minus fifty points for you.”

“Wait. I can lose points?! We didn’t discuss this!” Izuku props himself up, outraged. “RPGs work with level ups, not level downs!”

“In some, if you die, you lose all your progress.”

“That’s not the same thing!”

With a small shrug, Shouto smiles up at him, crossing his arms behind his heard with a smug expression settling on his features. “My game, my rules.”

Izuku huffs in feigned annoyance then scratches at the back of his head and hums thoughtfully. “I guess… Then I’ll just be the best boyfriend ever and you’ll have no choice but to level me up to max.”

“Is that a promise?”

Walking up to Shouto’s bedside, Izuku hovers over him, taking his index finger and making an ‘x’ on his chest. “Cross my heart and hope to die.”

“I’d rather you didn’t die.”

He flashes him a mischievous grin. “I’ll try.”

Just as Izuku is leaning down, pressing his body against Shouto’s, his boyfriend’s phone dings with a notification, stopping him halfway to his lips. Izuku blinks as Shouto checks the screen, announcing that food is finally here and pushing him off the side of the bed. Sighing heavily, Izuku gives Shouto’s back a forlorn look as he watches him leave to pick up their dinner. Forever doomed to be interrupted, huh?

While Shouto takes care of actually getting the takeout to them, Izuku sets up one of Perry Trotter’s movies on his laptop for them to watch as they eat. They snuggle up to each other on Shouto’s bed, Izuku’s head resting on his boyfriend’s shoulder at first, until they finally discard the empty boxes and lie down in each other’s arms. Izuku can feel Shouto’s breath tickling the column of his neck, sending small shivers crawling up and down his spine the longer he focuses on it.

When Shouto starts leaving feather-light pecks on Izuku’s nape, his focus on the movie slips even further down the drain, shattering completely when he licks at the shell of his ear then closes his teeth around the lobe. Letting out a small groan, Izuku cranes his neck to look into Shouto’s eyes, his own gaze half-lidded.

“You better know exactly what you’re doing, otherwise that’s just cruel.” Izuku whispers, voice raspy.

Shouto takes a moment to remove his glasses and set them down on the bedside table, his fingers gently brushing some stray locks from Izuku’s face. “I got the sex talk three times before coming here, Izuku. And that’s not counting Kayama-sensei’s Sex Ed classes.”

The corners of Izuku’s mouth twitch slightly, cheeks burning a bright red, no doubt. “My mom gave me condoms just before you got there.”

A subtle raise of Shouto’s eyebrow and the way he licks his lips is enough to give Izuku all the confirmation he needs that he wasn’t misinterpreting hints, and he turns around. Closing the distance between them, they finally satisfy a two-year-long desire that’s been building up to this very moment as the movie keeps playing, utterly ignored.

<3<3<3

In the following days, it’s a wonder they get anything done at all, seeing as they can hardly spend five minutes together without their hands being all over each other. It’s true what people say about the beginning, the flames of passion burning incessantly day in and day out. It really is a good thing that they’re each other’s roommate or there may have been complaints from unassuming innocents walking in on them in various compromising positions.

Thank the heavens they waited until college, Shouto doesn’t think he would have ever been able to step foot in Izuku’s house knowing he would have to meet Inko’s eyes after something like that happened. It would be one thing if it truly were like they see in movies, everything conveniently covered by neatly placed sheets. Reality isn’t so strategic. It’s exceptionally hard to not be shameless when trying to find the most comfortable way to be together.

But eventually, they do have to fall into college life, focus on classes and projects and actually getting a social life, for once. One thing that helps is that they sleep in each other’s arms. His mother knew what she was talking about when she said one of their beds would certainly be wasted on them. Well, sort of. Izuku feels bad about neglecting one of the beds—how an inanimate object can feel lonely is utterly beyond Shouto, but he couldn’t resist the sad look in his boyfriend’s eyes if he tried—so they will switch from one to the other on occasion, which is fine with him. All he really cares about is being next to Izuku, feeling his warmth seep into him as he slips under.

These few weeks they have spent together are the best Shouto has slept since he was a small child, unburdened by his father’s expectations or his mother’s illness. He didn’t remember not having fitful sleep, not waking up in the middle of the night for one reason or another, oftentimes plagued by horrible nightmares that wouldn’t leave him alone whether he stayed awake or tried to rest more. But with Izuku…

None of that seems to matter. In his arms, Shouto feels safe, like nothing and no one can touch him or hurt him. This sense of peace is something he only truly learned once Izuku became a constant in his life, and to have it with him almost every minute of every day is what he would call bliss. Izuku’s arms are soothing, falling asleep to the sound of his steady heartbeat akin to a soft lullaby sung sweetly right into his ear, fingers carding absentmindedly through his hair in a loving gesture that never fails to fill him with a calm euphoria and leads him to a quiet slumber. No screaming, no pain, no agony, just warmth and comfort.

Shouto adores Izuku’s company, more than he ever thought possible. The time they spent together in high school was already the highlight of his entire life, and being able to share it with him now, to a certain extent, is more than he believes he deserves.

Perhaps that is why he tells himself it wasn’t really meant to last.

Of course, he never expected Izuku to be glued to his side all the time, after all they signed up for wildly different courses with wildly different classes. They were bound to start spending less time together as soon as their studies started getting more demanding. And then, Izuku joined another wrestling team, something he had meant to do from the very beginning if time allowed.

He was happy that Izuku got to keep up with pretty much all of his passions, including the ones he wasn’t so fond of himself. His teammates seemed pretty nice too, the handful of times they actually met after certain meets that Shouto squeezed into his schedule to attend as well.

Tetsutetsu reminds him of Kirishima, all of his mannerisms reading equally determined and ‘manly’, as both of them put it. Kendou somehow manages to be fiercer than half the guys on the team, considering how much smaller she is than most of them, but she is also quite kind and soft-spoken when the moments call for it. Awase is very passionate and he has a lot of spunk, but he isn’t really as intense as some of their older classmates, which Shouto can certainly appreciate. Togata, the oldest member of the team and its captain, never fails to be equal parts inviting and terrifyingly beastly; Shouto finds him just a bit intimidating but he seems nice.

Finally, Shinsou is quiet and maybe a little brooding, but astoundingly easy to talk to once he opens up; Izuku mentioned on more than one occasion that he and Shouto have a lot in common and, back then, he didn’t really know why it made him feel a little itchy. Once they started spending more and more time together while Shouto stayed behind, however, it slowly dawned on him.

Shouto had never considered himself the jealous type, but maybe that was simply because he had never really found anything to be jealous of. He knows that it’s petty and stupid, and the he certainly shouldn’t feel this way. Just because Izuku is his boyfriend, Shouto doesn’t have an entitlement to Izuku’s time and attention, far from it. It would be a flat-out lie to claim that he didn’t want to spend more time with Izuku though, that he would like for him to go back to choosing to stay with him for a video game session than to go with Shinsou to that meet they weren’t even a part of.

He should have said something, right when he realised it was making him feel anxious, but he didn’t want to impose, didn’t want to sound clingy or desperate, as silly as he knows it is given that Izuku had always been understanding and accommodating to his needs. But it was selfish, to ask Izuku to give up a night with his friends for him, just because he kept seeing things that clearly weren’t there.

It’s stupid, how Shouto let his feelings fester, something as innocent as a mild bout of jealousy brewing into a bitter sense of neglect of his own making. Shouto had never been great at expressing himself when he didn’t like something. All his life he had learned to keep his mouth shut and endure the awfulness. And even though Izuku had spent the good part of the years they had known each other trying to get him out of that habit, when his boyfriend is spending so much time away it’s hard not to fall back into old habits.

It gets to the point where Shouto will go to bed early just so that he doesn’t have to face Izuku when he comes back from another outing, another long-running study session with Shinsou, another impromptu ice-cream date—it’s not a date, Shouto, they’re just friends.

They’re studying the same things, it’s normal that they would be close when they have so many classes together. Izuku isn’t the type to do such things anyway, if there was something wrong with their relationship, Shouto would be the first to know.

But Izuku still loves him, he still sleeps with Shouto in his arms, still runs his fingers through his hair, still kisses him as passionately as he had done that very first time. He just feels a little more out of reach, and that makes Shouto nervous; sick actually. And he doesn’t know how to express that without sounding harsh, without making it seem like he wants Izuku to stop seeing his friend, to only pay attention to him.

That’s not what he wants, god he just wants to stop feeling this way, but he doesn’t know how.

So, he lets it build, lets it accumulate, fill his chest with bitter anguish until he is fit to burst.

It’s the night before they go back home for summer break and, for once, Shouto waits up for Izuku because he is too busy fighting back tears of frustration, quiet sobs strangling him as he tries to force himself to calm down before his boyfriend returns. He fails miserably, and when Izuku walks into their room and sees him crying into his hands, he’s by his side in a matter of seconds, the door slamming shut with a bang with how forcefully he throws it back to get to him faster.

“Hey, Shouto, what’s wrong? Love, what happened?”

As illogical as it is, the concern only spurs his anger, the confusion only fuels it even further and, without thinking, Shouto shoves Izuku away.

“So, now you care?” Shouto spits, his words like venom, and Izuku visibly flinches, eyes widening and brows furrowing as his entire expression twists with hurt. Stop it, what are you doing? “I thought you were too busy to notice how I’m feeling anymore.”

No, that’s not it, stop it.

“Shouto—”

“You know, I don’t think I’ve actually seen you more than five minutes this past week. Is that on purpose or just a happy coincidence, huh?” Izuku’s eyes glimmer, and his own cheeks stain with the tracks that burn their path down to his chin. “Do you just not want to see me anymore? Is my face too hard for you to look at too?”

What are you saying? Why are you saying that? Stop it, stop it.

Shouto has his glasses on, but Izuku’s face is nothing more than a blurred silhouette as he springs up to his feet, poking him on the chest as the tears rush from his eyes. “If you just want to be away from me, you could have just said so. You’re not the first one to get the message across.”

Instinctively, he scratches at his scar, pushing past Izuku and ignoring the stuttered gasps and unintelligible babbles as he picks up his shoes and the messenger’s bag where is laptop and car keys are. Finally, Izuku seems to gather his bearings, grabbing at Shouto’s wrist before he makes it to the door.

“What are you saying, Shouto? I don’t want you away, why would you think that?” Izuku chokes, his arm trembling. I don’t know, I don’t know, I can’t stop, I’m trying. “I’m sorry if I made you feel that way, I—I never meant—”

“Well, too late for that.” No, stop it, stop it, you don’t mean that, stop it. “Since you’re so adamant about being anywhere but with me, maybe we should just give this a break.” STOP IT.

Shouto shakes his arm out of Izuku’s hold and storms out, not even sure if he manages to get the door closed before he continues down to the stairs and makes his way down to the parking lot. Getting into his car, his things strewn to the passenger’s seat, he sinks into the seat and stares up at the ceiling as the tears just keep flowing, feeling a little numb. What did you just do?

Shoving his hands underneath his glasses, Shouto sinks his nails into the bumpy flesh, screaming into his palms before hitting the steering wheel and letting his forehead fall onto it. Stupid, stupid, stupid. You self-sabotaging bastard, you unbelievable asshole. You ruined the one good thing you managed to get, you hurt the one person who has only ever loved you with everything he has.

Guilt and shame consume him, sinking their claws around his heart and making it bleed, merciless. He deserves this unbearable pain, this suffocating self-hatred. It’s all his fault and he knows it, he has left Izuku with the harshest words he could come up with, made him feel miserable. Shouto deserves to lose everything they had after that. Izuku is in his right to never want to see him again. The least Shouto can do is stay away from him so he doesn’t hurt Izuku again.

As soon as he manages to stop crying, Shouto rustles through his bag and shoves the key into the ignition, driving the night away and only stopping to buy Izuku a train ticket home.

Fuyumi is more than a little surprised when he shows up at the break of dawn, red-eyed and expression a blank mask he doesn’t remember wearing for the longest time. He shoves past her as well, not a single word out of him, and locks himself in his room with no intention of coming out anytime soon.

***

Izuku had always been very open about his emotions; mostly because he never truly learned how to hide how he was feeling, such was the intensity of it all. More often than not, though, he didn’t exactly care that much. If people saw him cry, so what? He didn’t really owe anyone an explanation.

This time, Izuku wishes he could manage to keep himself together for once. The whole train ride home, he can’t stop sniffling, his vision blurred by the tears stinging at his eyes and his throat raw with how hard he tries to keep himself from sobbing. His heart hurts so badly, and seeing people shooting him sideways glances, judgemental or even filled with pity, it only makes him feel that much worse. He just wants to curl up under a blanket and forget the rest of the world for a moment.

No, that’s not right, he wants to curl up under a blanket with Shouto in his arms and forget anything that isn’t him.

But he can’t do that because Shouto is the very reason he feels this way.

By the time he finally makes it home, one look at his face is all his mother needs to know that something isn’t right. Without a word, she walks over to Izuku, pulling him into her arms and tangling her fingers in his messy hair as he whimpers into the crook of her neck. When she asks him where Shouto is, it only makes him cry harder and she holds him tighter, hushing him and whispering sweet nothings into his ear.

He tries to speak through it, but all that really comes out of his mouth are choked whimpers and high-pitched whines, no matter how much he tries to level his breathing and stop his incessant sobs. Izuku loses track of time as he falls apart at the seams right in his mother’s hold, the only reason he isn’t actually crumbling to dust being her gentle support. For the longest time, he can hardly breathe properly, let alone say anything, and it must be hours before he actually manages to calm down; at least it feels like it.

His mother wipes the last few tears from his eyes with her thumbs, her expression soft with sympathy, and Izuku leans into her touch, sighing miserably.

“You think you can tell me what happened now?”

Izuku gives her a weak nod, then sucks in a shaky breath. “I think Shouto broke up with me…”

“You think?”

When his bottom lip begins to quiver again, Izuku bites down on it, staring up at the ceiling in a futile attempt to stop the tears from returning all over again. A few of them escape the confines of his eyes anyway, they always do.

“He just stormed out saying these—these really… I think I… I may have been n-neglecting him? I haven’t been spending a lot of time with him…”

“Did he say anything before?” She asks quietly, caressing his cheek once more, and Izuku shakes his head. “Then you can’t blame yourself for this, dear. Shouto-kun can’t expect you to just read his mind, and I’m sure he knows that too, deep down. Give him some space, let him figure out how he feels and how to talk about it and I’m sure everything will be okay. You two love each other so much.”

“But w-what if—what if I just—I should have noticed he w-wasn’t okay…”

“That’s not true, Izuku. You aren’t psychic and you have done nothing wrong.”

“I know that, but I don’t feel it.”

His mother flashes him a tender smile and stands on the tips of her toes to place a gentle kiss on his forehead. “I know. But it will get better, trust me. Come on, help me make you some katsudon for lunch.”

The next few days pass by in a daze of guilt and sorrow, and Izuku barely has the motivation to get out of bed at all. But his mother helps him back on his feet every morning, dragging him along to do chores and keep his mind off of everything.

It’s hard not to flood Shouto’s phone with a million texts, begging him to please talk to him and work everything out, but Izuku realises that his mother is right, as she often tends to be. He should give him his space, allow him to figure out what’s wrong so that he can tell Izuku himself when he is ready. Pressuring Shouto was never a good way to get him to open up. So, he settles for just one text, a simple ‘If you want to talk, you know where to find me’ that he never gets a response to.

That, in and of itself, is torture. The little check-mark beside his text telling him Shouto has seen it but hasn’t bothered to reply. Well, that’s putting it a little harshly, but Izuku’s heart is still a little raw and he has a right to be upset about it too, he comes to believe.

Still, he loves Shouto more than anything, and he is nothing if not perseverant. Which isn’t to say it’s easy to go about his days without obsessively checking his phone for new notifications, that his heart doesn’t jump to his throat whenever he hears the distinct ping of a text. Each time it isn’t Shouto, it sinks right back down to his stomach, but he forces himself to keep going about his exercises, his reading, or the cleaning and cooking.

When he gets a text from Kirishima saying he’s back in town and wants to meet up, Izuku almost doesn’t have the energy to accept. But he figures that it might do him some good to see some old friends, to detach from what’s happening and immerse himself in the memories of a simpler time. Goodness, he’s starting to sound like a tired old man.

Izuku can’t tell if he’s surprised to see Kacchan sitting alongside Kirishima when he arrives at the café, an exasperated look on his permanently angry face that never fails to amuse him in spite of everything.

“Hah? Where’s the half’n’half bastard that’s always attached to your damn hip? You nerds break up or something?”

Izuku freezes, his eyes prickling anew after he was sure he had cried out his entire body’s water content and he averts his gaze to a far corner of the room. Biting on his bottom lip, Izuku shrugs despondently, not really trusting his voice for the moment, feeling utterly choked. Kirishima’s jaw drops and even Kacchan has the decency to look a little surprised.

“Shit, really?”

“It’s complicated.” Izuku mutters, sinking into the booth with a dejected sigh. “I don’t want to talk about it, please.”

“Of course, man, don’t worry about it.” Kirishima pats him on the shoulder, then leans in, secretive. “But do you want us to shake some sense into him, we’ve got your back if he hurt you.”

Despite the situation, Izuku finds himself letting out a small chuckle, trailing off into a sniffle as he shakes his head weakly. “No, no, everything’s fine. He’ll come around, I’m sure.”

“Alrighty. Kaminari and Sero should be here soon too and then we can get this party started.” Kirishima lifts his drink and clinks it to Kacchan’s unwilling glass.

“I tell you I don’t even want to go out and you call the whole idiot gang.”

“Shut up, you miss us, you bleached asshole. You’re here, aren’t ya?” Kirishima teases, wiggling his eyebrows.

“Whatever, Shitty Hair.”

A small smile stretches across Izuku’s lips as Kacchan rolls his eyes and he allows himself to relax just a little, falling back into the ease of their dumb interactions the longer they are together. When Kaminari suggests they move to a karaoke bar, they text a few other classmates, to make it a bit of a reunion (or as close to it as they can get), much to Kacchan’s displeasure. Ashido, Uraraka and Hagakure join them there, livening up the room with their presence alone and proceeding to make their ears bleed with their pitchy singing not long after.

Izuku doesn’t miss the strange looks the girls give him too, when they notice the glaringly empty seat beside him where Shouto really should be, but none of them actually say anything. It’s strange, given how they usually get when they so much as get a whiff of relationship drama, but he finally understands when Yaoyorozu gets there as well and they share a knowing look before going into the greetings.

Yaoyorozu sits next to him, placing on caring hand on his knee and squeezing for barely a second, the only gesture that truly shows him that she knows. It’s comforting, in a sense, that she isn’t trying to pry anything out of him despite Shouto being her best friend. He desperately wants to ask her about him though, if he’s doing okay, if he’s getting enough rest, eating his meals, if he’s not just shutting himself in and avoiding everyone as much as possible. Which is a bit hypocritical, he must admit, considering the fact that he hasn’t gone out much himself.

She must sense his distress, because as their night out comes to an end and everyone starts going their separate ways, she lingers for a moment, rubbing his arm comfortingly and offering him a small smile.

“Midoriya-san, Shouto will come around, don’t worry. I have known him his whole life and I have never seen him care as much about anyone as he does you.”

Izuku tries to mirror her expression. “So everyone keeps saying.” He exhales, rubbing at his face and hunching his shoulders. “I just want to talk to him and put all this behind us… Is he okay?”

“He’s…” The pause that follows is in no way encouraging and Izuku feels a cold anxiety spreading through his veins. “Shouto is reflecting on his actions.”

“Did you tell him to do that?”

“Yes.” She pats him on the back. “I know Shouto sometimes needs his space, but he gets lonely really easily. The problem with that is that he doesn’t want to bother people with it and then this happens.”

“Shouto is never a bother, though!”

“He doesn’t always see that. But I don’t doubt that you’re going to make him.” Yaoyorozu assures him, giving him a quick hug before turning to leave. “Just give him a little more time, okay?”

“Yeah. Thank you, Yaoyorozu-san.”

That night Izuku doesn’t exactly sleep any easier, but his heart feels just a little lighter, a hint of hope shining at the end of a depressingly dark tunnel that helps him get through just another day, and then another, one at a time for as long as it takes. Until finally, finally, he gets a response to that text and he can’t get out of the house fast enough. He hardly remembers sending his mother a text to warn her he might be home late, his mind going a mile a minute as anxiety eats away at his insides.

Izuku hesitates at the entrance to Shouto’s house, the countless ‘what ifs’ flooding his thoughts and rooting him to the spot. Shouto had never invited him in before. Whenever Izuku did come by to pick him for a date or something the like, he always seemed much too eager to leave. “It’s filled with bad memories and I don’t want you to be associated with them too” he had told him. Is that why he told him to come here now? To end things between them for good? Just another bad memory added to the pile.

The front door opens and Izuku’s breath gets caught in his throat when he finally sees Shouto for the first time in far too long. Shouto doesn’t meet his gaze, doesn’t even utter a single word, but he steps aside and cracks the door open a little wider, gesturing for Izuku to come inside as he fiddles with his glasses. His heart is thundering in his chest and his muscles are all locked in place, and for a second Izuku wonders if this will become a place of bad memories for him too.

Swallowing thickly, Izuku forces himself to move, walking past Shouto and quietly removing his shoes by the entrance as the other closes the door behind him. The tension between them is palpable, almost suffocating, and Izuku half expects to hear Shouto’s father at any second, just to make things that much worse. As if knowing exactly what he’s thinking, Shouto speaks up for the very first time.

“Fuyumi is out on a date tonight and my father is away for the weekend again. No one will bother us.”

Shouto’s voice sounds as small as he looks, his head low and posture slouched, and it physically hurts to see him like that. Izuku knows he should probably wait for Shouto to make the first move, to say whatever it is he wants to say, but one look at that pained expression and he loses all sense of control he’s been holding on to this whole time.

Standing back up, Izuku closes the distance between them, throwing his arms around Shouto so tightly he might even be cutting off his air supply, but he doesn’t care. He wants to hold Shouto, to feel his warmth pressed against him and his breath brushing against his skin. He wants to kiss him too, but he doesn’t, just keeps holding on to him like his very life depends on it.

Shouto doesn’t return the embrace, and each second that passes chips another bit off of Izuku’s heart. It hurts, and he wants to cry, so he does, tears streaming down his cheeks and a plea dying on his tongue as his fingers curl around Shouto’s shirt. Slowly, but surely, Izuku’s heart is splitting in twain, dread looming over him like a dark storm cloud and threatening to drench him in the icy waters of grief.

But then… Izuku feels Shouto shake to the core, his arms carefully tightening around his waist and his nose burying in his neck, glasses falling askew. The pieces start falling back together, breath returns to Izuku’s lungs without burning on the way down, and they both melt into each other’s arms, breathing each other in. It’s almost like relearning a skill they had forgotten entirely, a little awkward, a little hard, but soon feeling as right as it had the moment they left it.

“I’m sorry… I’m so sorry, Izuku… For what I said, for what I did, everything…”

“Shouto… I’m sorry too, I should have seen—”

He gets cut off by Shouto’s hold on him tightening, the weak shake of his head as he takes off his glasses and lets them hang on his neck by the lanyard. “Don’t apologise for anything. I was an idiot and a jerk and it’s not your fault.”

Tears start staining his skin and Izuku brings one hand up to Shouto’s head, running his fingers through his silky locks and revelling in how soft they feel, how he trembles slightly at the sensation. He missed this, dear lord, he missed it so much. It hasn’t even been that long, but Izuku is so starved for Shouto’s touch it makes his knees a little weak.

For a long while, they simply stand there, cradling each other and getting reacquainted with one another, not a single word shared between them. Right now, they don’t need words, they just need this moment, to make up for the days they have been apart, each suffering in their own way. Things will need to be said, but for now, they only need to be together, to be surrounded by each other’s warmth until the bitter coldness of what happened is nothing but a slight chill.

Eventually, they manage to break apart, eyes sore and red-rimmed, throats raw and hearts bruised but stitching back to one whole shared between them. Shouto takes Izuku’s hand and leads him across the halls, sliding the door to his bedroom open and dragging him inside. They sit across from each other on Shouto’s futon, playing with each other’s hands in silence until their eyes finally meet again.

Shame ghosts past Shouto’s features and he looks back down at his lap, gnawing on the inside of his cheek and taking his glasses off entirely to set them safely down.

“I didn’t mean any of what I said. I was… jealous, it’s stupid.”

“Shouto, I never—”

“I know, Izuku, I know… That’s why I said it’s stupid, I just—I didn’t want you to leave me behind. But I’m the one who kept staying back. It’s not your fault. I should have said something but I was scared that… You’d be mad at me, that you’d find me pathetic.”

Izuku brings their joined hands up to his lips, kissing Shouto’s knuckles before pressing his palm to his cheek and leaning into it, salty tracks staining his face once more. “I would never find you pathetic Shouto. But you are extremely silly for thinking that.”

Silence hangs between them yet again. Shouto scoots a little closer, sitting by Izuku’s side instead and letting his head fall on his shoulder with a heaving sigh, long red and white locks cascading down his back.

“I hurt you…” Shouto mumbles, guilt hanging heavily on every word. “I understand if you can’t forgive that.”

“Shouto,” Izuku laughs quietly, snaking an arm around Shouto’s waist and pulling him closer. “The people you love the most are the ones that can hurt you the most too. Everyone makes mistakes and that isn’t a reason to give up on something, not if we learn from them.”

“What if I… what if I do something worse?”

“Are you planning to?”

“Of course not!”

“Then, I’m sure we can both grow a little from this, no?”

“You’re too good for me…”

“No,” Izuku offers in return, a shaky smile settling on his lips. “I think I’m just right for you.”

“I don’t deserve y—”

With a hand underneath his chin, Izuku pulls Shouto into a kiss to stop the spiral before it even begins. Shouto tenses for one second then melts the next, returning the gesture with just as much passion, a hint of despair underneath their every movement. Right in that moment, everything feels right again, not perfect, just right. All their flaws, all their insecurities and shortcomings, they can get through it all together and that’s what matters. Nothing is truly perfect, and that’s okay. That’s how it’s supposed to be.

“I love you.” Izuku whispers against Shouto’s lips and for the first time since he stormed out of their dorm, he feels him smile.

“Are you sure?” Izuku rolls his eyes as he pokes Shouto’s side and draws a small grunt out of him. “I love you too. More than anything. And I really am sorry…”

“Prove it.”

“How?”

“Keep loving me and never stop, for a start?”

“I think I can do that.”

Shouto moves onto his knees, leaning down to take Izuku’s lips again, and they both fall back onto the futon, a different kind of ache quickly settling in their chests that only the other can soothe. As long as they are together, it feels like they can get through anything, no matter how bad it seems to get. They will fall back into each other like this, and nothing else seems to matter, not when they can cherish each other, treasure everything they have.

The rest of the world can wait, for now, as they get lost in each other’s flavour all over again, regaining anything they may have lost in the time they were apart.

<3<3<3

It’s probably pretty late by now. Fuyumi arrived home not so long ago, coming by Shouto’s room to check in on how he was doing and finding him lying on Izuku’s chest, breaths steady and quiet but his eyes still open. She didn’t say anything, just smiled softly at them in a way that always reminds Shouto of their mother and quietly slid the door shut once again, shrouding the room in even more darkness and leaving them alone with nothing but the night’s sounds outside his window.

“Shouto…” Izuku croaks, voice heavy with sleep, the arm that was draped around Shouto’s shoulders coming up to rub at tired eyes. “What time is it?”

Propping himself up on one hand, pausing only to peck Izuku’s warm cheek, Shouto reaches for where he had left his phone and glasses before, perching them on his nose and checking. “A bit past midnight. Are you hungry?”

Cursing under his breath, Izuku jerks up to a sitting position, mumbling something about his mom being worried sick that Shouto puts a quick end to by pulling him down for a slow kiss. Izuku returns it without any sort of resistance, letting out a satisfied little hum that wafts against his face when he exhales and melts against Shouto.

“I texted her earlier, while you were sleeping.” Shouto smiles softly for a moment. “She was happy to know that we’re back on speaking terms.”

“I’d say a little more than that.” Izuku chuckles in return. “Did you tell her I’m spending the night then?”

With a little nod, Shouto gives Izuku another kiss before getting to his feet, ignoring his boyfriend’s little petulant whine and shaking him off his leg to get them at least a snack. Not really wanting to be away too long, Shouto just makes them a couple of sandwiches and some tea before going back, finding Izuku flipping through the pages of his favourite book.

“You still have it here.” Izuku says, smiling brightly up at Shouto when he notices his return.

“I usually keep it in my bag, actually. It came with me for the break.” Setting down the tray next to the futon, Shouto sighs. “I cried holding it a few times.”

“Really?” Izuku snorts, his eyes taking a sheen of their own. “I cried too, you know?”

“It doesn’t surprise me now. But before today, I kind of had this feeling you were happier without me.” Shouto admits, looking down at his hands as he fidgets with his thumbs. “I’m sorry again…”

“Will you stop apologising? I already forgave you.”

“I know, I just…” Shouto shakes his head. “Sorry—I mean—”

“It’s fine.” Izuku flashes him another tiny grin, leaning in for a chaste peck. “Since we’re being honest, I thought you were thinking of making me coming here another bad memory to add to the house.”

Those words stab through Shouto in how true they sound and he flinches, inspecting the far away corner of his room with added interest for a few heartbeats before forcing his gaze back to Izuku. “I won’t lie, I expected you to break things off for good.” Biting on the inside of his cheek, Shouto draws loose circles on the floor with the tip of his finger. “But I’m glad you didn’t.”

“Me too.” Izuku murmurs, shifting a little closer and placing his hand over Shouto’s. “I hope we managed to add a few good memories…”

In spite of the wetness gathering at the edges of his eyes, the corners of Shouto’s mouth twitch upwards and he leans his head on Izuku’s shoulder. “Yeah… yeah, we did. I love you… You are the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

“Then I better keep it up, huh?”

“Keep levelling up.” Shouto lets out a wet chuckle.

“Maybe one day I’ll level up enough to make you my husband.” Izuku chokes on his own spit as soon as he realises what he has said, covering his mouth as a bright flush covers his cheeks and all Shouto can do is stare. “F-forget I said that, I was just talking nonsense!”

Not trusting his own voice not to crack, Shouto just throws his arms around Izuku’s shoulders, capturing his lips with his own and sealing that promise with a kiss.