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It had been six months, seven days, and an indeterminate amount of hours (four, to be precise, but Riku didn't like to think about that level of preciseness), since Sora had disappeared to chase after Kairi. Chasing her, as he always was, it seemed.
Riku pushed himself off of the windowsill and stretched. There was no need to watch the sun rise again.
In the six months since Sora had left, very little had changed, and that was comforting in its own right. The others were settling into themselves again, the threat dissipating. There was still darkness, as there always would be, that needed to be taken care of, but with so many Keyblade Wielders around, it was easy to handle them and they were far from stretched thin.
In fact, Riku thought with a smile, it was nice to have the breather. But then he remembered Sora, out there, alone, fighting his way through who knew what towards Kairi. He took a slow, shuddering breath and focused on where he was now. He pressed a hand to his heart and it thumped steadily under his palm. Sora was all right, he would know if something was wrong, and that meant things were fine. It would be easy to get distracted, but things were fine. He needed to focus on training Axel, and working with Master Yen Sid, and Mickey, and all would be well. Sora would come back, he'd promised.
Riku had tried to go home, at Mickey's urging, and Master Yen Sid's. But one look at the Destiny Islands, filled with ghosts of Sora and Kairi, of the darkness he had succumbed to, he had run back to the Mysterious Tower almost immediately. He felt bad for abandoning his home, once again, but he reassured his parents he was safe with a letter and turned his focus to mastering the art of Keyblade wielding.
And he waited.
Because he would. Because he would always be there for Sora, even when he wasn't needed. Riku summoned his Keyblade with a flex of his hand and spun in a slow motion, stretching out his muscles. Training Axel was a rewarding experience, and pushing the other man to be better made him better, he could feel it. Though there was no need to push themselves to the extent they were, it kept him from focusing on the absence that wore away at them all.
Six months. How much longer was he expected to wait?
Riku took another deep breath and watched the sun start to creep into the sky. Axel and the others would be awake soon. He looked back to the Mysterious Tower. But it would be a while before they were up and about. He let his keyblade disappear and started to walk quickly away from the tower. For all that it was home more than the Destiny Islands, it did feel suffocating without the constant presence of Sora to break the tension that inevitably fell over the group. How were they supposed to make this work without Sora?
"Riku!"
Riku paused and looked over his shoulder at Terra. He frowned when the other man waved for him to stop, and turned to face him. "Terra? Is everything all right?"
Terra blinked in surprise. "I, you don't know?"
Riku frowned. "No, what is it I am supposed to know?"
Terra looked back at the tower and then at Riku, his frown deepening. "He told us you already knew and we thought..."
Riku lost his patience, the lack of sleep the past few nights wearing at him. "He, who?"
"Sora!"
Riku felt the world tilt for a few precious seconds at the mention of Sora and forced himself to focus on Terra again. "What about Sora?" he made himself to ask, nonchalance creeping into his voice. He had to act like he was not hanging on every word Terra was saying, that he wasn't desperate to hear news of Sora, news that everyone else thought he already knew!
"He's found Kairi, he's on his way home."
The world tilted again, more violently, and Riku knew that he could not afford to be sick in front of Terra, but his stomach rolled and tightened and he was not going to be sick. Not here. "W-when?"
Terra gave him another look. "They're on the way, now. Expected to arrive later today."
Later today. Six months after he'd left, Sora was coming home today. Sora and Kairi were coming home today. How long before they left for the Destiny Islands to begin their lives together? They deserved their happily ever after. They'd worked so hard for it.
"Riku?"
Riku shook himself and focused on Terra, forcing a grin to his face. "About time he found her!"
"Yeah," Terra agreed slowly. "I know that he's missed you. Sora said-"
Riku waved his hand to cut Terra off and headed back towards the tower. "Don't worry, I'm sure he'll give me an earful as soon as he gets here!" His heart was pounding and Riku had to run, had to get away before he fell apart in front of them all.
He had enough practice slipping through the shadows of the tower that getting to his room without being seen was easy, and as he closed the door behind him, he cast a quick spell, surrounding himself in silence. An ugly sound escaped him and he pressed his hands to his mouth. Sora was coming home. Was coming back. He had to be happy, had to be excited for his best friend. He had to be. He would be. He would, he would allow himself this moment and then when Sora came back, he would be so happy for him and Kairi, no one would ever know. He would wish his friends well on their future and...
Riku didn't allow himself to think of what would happen after. He wouldn't be swallowed by the darkness again, but perhaps an extended mission, far, far from the tower, far from the Destiny Islands, would be in his near future. There must be someone out there that needed his help, or the help of a Keyblade Master. He took another deep breath and closed his eyes. Sora. He was going to see Sora again, and that was all that mattered.
He knew that Axel would be waiting for him, waiting for his training that day, so he didn't have long. But perhaps Axel would understand if he was not feeling up to it today? Riku walked over to his desk and fumbled in one of the drawers, pulling out his Gummiphone. He never kept it on him unless he was traveling, there was no point in it, with everyone here at the tower. Sora had been far beyond contact with it, so there were never any messages to miss. He powered it on and pushed his hair out of his face.
If he stayed focused on other things enough, he wouldn't have to think about the aching hole in his chest. The pain in his heart. He lifted a hand and massaged the ache, just long enough for it to fade to a tolerable level. Once the Gummiphone was powered on, he frowned as multiple notifications flew across the screen. He had a dozen missed calls and text messages he had missed.
Who would have been...?
Sora's name flashed up, listed again and again. Sora had tried to call him. Sora had tried to call him and he hadn't had his phone on him. His stomach lurched again, and he was thankful that he had skipped dinner, because there was nothing for him to try to keep down. He stumbled and stared at the missed calls before he managed to open the text messages. There, right there, were messages from Sora.
Incoming Message [13:52]: Riiiiiiiikuuuuuuuuuuu! Guess what?!
Incoming Message [16:27]: Riku, come on, I know you've been waiting to hear from me!
Incoming Message [8:31]: You asshole, stop ignoring me and pick up your phone, I'm on my way home!
Incoming Message [10:04]: You don't have your phone on you, do you? Lazy bastard. Well, see if I tell you anything first next time!
Incoming Message [14:47]: I just want you to know, I had to ask Aqua to make sure you were okay!
Incoming Message [9:12]: Kairi is fine by the way, and says that you're dumb for not keeping your phone on you.
Incoming Message [18:58]: Rikuuuuuuuuuu, pick up your phone!
Incoming Message [19:05]: I am going to kick your ass for this, I hope you know.
After that, the messages took a more melancholy turn. Riku swallowed hard. Three days. Three days Sora had been trying to contact him, and had thought he was being ignored.
Incoming Message [22:15]: Well, everyone else has picked up their phone, but not you. Are you mad at me?
Incoming Message [22:34]: I know I stayed away for a long time, but I had to find Kairi! I promised I'd come back!
Incoming Message [22:36]: You're not mad at me, right 'ku?
The nickname had Riku flinching away from his phone and he took a few deep breaths, blinking his eyes hard to drive back the prickle he felt teasing at the back of them. Mad at Sora? Maybe only sometimes, but he didn't know how to be mad at Sora. Not really angry. He loved the bastard too much for it.
Incoming Message [23:20]: Well, I guess I'll see you when I get there.
Incoming Message [23:21]: If you still wanna see me.
Incoming Message [00:12]: I'm mad at you! You'd better be there when I land!
Riku sighed and dropped his Gummiphone, completely forgetting about the message he needed to send Axel. He rubbed his hand over his face and sighed. Of course Sora was mad at him. He deserved it, of course, because Sora thought he'd been ignoring him and instead he'd been doing the exact opposite.
A knock on his door startled him and he looked over his shoulder. "Who is it?" he called.
"Axel!"
Riku put the phone down and turned towards the door. "I'm coming, I'm coming." He opened the door and frowned at the way Axel was standing as close as he could possibly get and took a step back. "Sorry that I kept your princely self waiting."
"Why are you ignoring Sora?"
The blunt question damn near knocked the air out of him. Riku glared at Axel. "I'm not ignoring him."
Axel raised both eyebrows. "Really? That's news to me, since Sora has made it a point to ask everyone, and I do mean everyone, what he did to upset you so badly that you wouldn't answer your phone."
Riku looked back at the Gummiphone on his desk. The excuse that he never looked at his phone was a feeble one, even if it was true, and he knew it. "I'm not ignoring him."
"Okay, then go text him and say you are ecstatic he is coming home and don't plan to let him out of bed for at least a week when he does," Axel said. "And then come kick my ass to take your mind off of it for a few hours."
Riku didn't feel his brain flatline for several seconds, but it was a close thing. He blinked at Axel. "What?"
"You heard me. Now come on, might as well try to pass the time quickly!" Axel said, manifesting his Keyblade, hanging it over his shoulders. He grinned at Riku. "I mean, unless you'd rather spend your time fantasizing-"
"No, no, no!" Riku muttered, his face flushing. He could feel the tips of his ears going red and glared at Axel, who only smiled unrepentantly at him. "Let's go. And I'll kick your ass extra hard, just for that."
"I would expect nothing else!" Axel said, his voice prim. He led the way to the training grounds. "Though remember to save some of that energy for Sora!"
Riku felt the words like a stab to his heart. As much as he might wish otherwise, Sora would be spending his night with Kairi, not with him. "Don't worry, I'll have plenty left over, since I could take you half dead."
Axel scowled at him. "Just for that, I'm not going to go easy on you."
Riku smirked and assumed a defensive stance in front of Axel. "Really? And here I thought you always gave it everything you got." Axel spun at him a moment later, his keyblade a mix of flame and metal and Riku lost himself in the haze of the fight, the steps more like a dance than a battle. It helped that neither of them were trying to seriously injure each other. But one well-placed Firaga from Axel had his clothes smoking a tad and he scowled.
Axel smirked innocently. "Oops," he taunted.
RIku narrowed his eyes and charged again, forcing Axel on the defensive, pushing his student to defend a flurry of attacks, navigating around the field that they used. Axel may have had height on him, but Riku was faster than he was, and used that to his advantage, out flanking him more than once. By the time they were done, they were both panting hard, and grinning. Riku couldn't help feeling proud of how far Axel had come in a short period of time. "I think you earned your Sea Salt ice cream with Roxas today."
Axel gave a sharp grin. "You think?"
Riku nodded and let his keyblade fade away. His muscles ached in a good way, reminding him of how much he'd missed this. The only time it was better was when he was fighting side by side with Sora. "You've gotten a lot better in a short period of time."
"I might have a pretty decent teacher when he isn't moping around about the love his life being gone on a mission for six months," Axel quipped, letting his own keyblade fade away.
His stomach twisted, hard and tight. Was he really that easy to read? "I haven't been moping."
Axel leveled him a look. "How long has Sora been gone?"
Riku bit down the answer that came immediately to his mind.
"See?" Axel said, stepping forward and giving Riku a nudge with his shoulder. "You're gone for him. You've been gone on him a long time, I bet."
Riku grunted, not willing to commit to an answer, or leave himself open to Axel knowing that kind of information. "Doesn't matter. He wants Kairi. Will be with her, and they'll return to the Destiny Islands and-"
Axel started to laugh and Riku scowled at him again. "What's funny?"
Axel leaned against the tree in the clearing. "You think any of you are going to go back to living normal lives after everything that has happened? You think this is the only time the world is going to need you? After everything that has happened so far?"
Riku rolled his eyes. "Isn't that what I'm training you for?"
"You think Sora would stay away from that?" Axel challenged. "Everything I know about the kid is the fact that he is as stubborn as he is short, and he will never, ever let you have an adventure without him. The only way he might consider going home is if you did. And you and I both know how that worked out for you."
Riku snorted. "It's what Kairi will want."
Axel hummed. "You sure about that?"
"What do you mean?" Riku looked at Axel and the other man looked far too thoughtful.
"Kairi. You sure that she wants to go home and live a normal life? Now? After everything?"
In a moment, Riku remembered that Kairi and Axel had trained together for a long time under Merlin, learning how to be keyblade wielders, masters in their own right. But if that was true...
"Stop thinking so hard," Axel ordered, reaching out to tap Riku on the top of the head. "Instead, think about how you're going to show Sora you missed him when he gets back."
Dread settled into Riku's stomach once again at the mention of Sora returning. The sun was already high in the sky. They'd sparred for far longer than he had meant them to. And they both needed water and some time to cool down from the training.
"Come on, stop looking like it's the end of the world that he's coming back. You've been counting down the days."
"Have not," Riku protested.
Axel snorted. "Sure kid, keep telling yourself that." He stretched and put his hands behind his head as he started to walk away. "But I have a feeling it will work itself out in the end either way. Sora strikes me as almost as stubborn as you are."
Riku watched Axel move away from the training center. He pressed a hand to his heart, closing his eyes. He could feel the thread connecting his heart to Sora's, and he could not help but want to pull on it, just a little. Maybe it would get Sora here faster. Or maybe it would be a horrible abuse of his powers, to try to pull Sora towards him. He didn't deserve that. He didn't deserve Sora, as much as he wanted him.
Riku pushed his fingers through his hair and walked towards his own room in the Mysterious Tower, showering and changing before going to hunt down food in the kitchens. His stomach was rumbling loudly, protesting the lack of food during the last day and a half. Anything to avoid the others and not think about the fact that Sora was likely only hours away.
How long would Sora stay before he left with Kairi? How long would it take for him to leave?
It didn't matter, Riku told himself as he bit into a proper sized sandwich. All that mattered was that he got to see Sora, and make sure he was all right. Before, before Sora moved on to his next adventure.
Without him.
That hurt to think about, to consider, and to imagine. Images of Sora flitted across his mind, a rapid series of pictures of the last few years, everything they’d gone through and how hard they’d fought to get where they were today. Sora asleep while Namine rebuilt his memories. The blindfold he wore to hide himself and to protect Sora. Dreameating. Ansem. Xehanort. Kingdom Hearts, closing it. Dying to protect Sora. Riku wiped at his eyes desperately. He didn’t want to think about it. He couldn’t. Sora was his friend, one of his best friends, and that would be enough. That was always enough.
Riku managed to get back to his room without running into anyone else and shut the door behind him, breathing hard. His skin felt too tight, and he wanted to run. Run to a new world and lose himself in driving out the Heartless until he couldn’t think of anything other than defeating the darkness there. But he wouldn’t do that. Sora thought he was mad at him and he had to make sure Sora knew that wasn’t the case.
A gong sounded and there was an abrupt commotion in the tower that Riku could hear from his room. He knew what that meant. Sora’s ship had been sighted. Sora was home . Riku shook his head, hard. This wasn’t home for Sora. He knew better. Riku took a deep breath and squared his shoulders, reminding the small thread of excitement in his chest that Sora was going to be with Kairi and-
“Riku!”
Riku jerked at the sound of Aqua’s voice outside his door. He forced a smile to his face. “I heard, I’m coming!” He pulled the door open and avoided Aqua’s eyes, squeezing past her and heading for the staircase. He could hear the ship now and hurried down the stairs, breaking out to the grassy field the ship was hovering over. He couldn’t help the grin, eager to see Sora and Kairi both. His heart could… Well, he had experience with putting aside his pain to put others first.
He gave an eager wave to the ship as it moved closer and watched it hover over the grass before landing firmly. Riku’s heart was trying to pound out of his chest, until Axel shoved an elbow into his ribs. “Unfh!”
“Try not to jump him until you’ve got some privacy,” Axel muttered, watching the hatch open.
Riku growled and elbowed Axel back, viciously glad when the tall red head gave his own grunt of pain. He moved closer and his breath caught when Kairi came out of the ship, waving to all of them, a big grin on her face. It was good to see her, and she looked tired, but where was-
His heart stuttered, stopped for a few heartbreaking seconds and then kicked into gear again when Sora appeared behind Kairi. He looked so tired . Riku resisted the urge to run up to Sora and wrap him in his arms and hug him until he didn’t look tired again. He watched the others swarm forward, Donald, Goofy, Roxas, Namine, the King, all of them eagerly and happily greeting both Sora and Kairi. Sora was already telling Donald and Goofy a story, his arms swinging wide as he described something that Riku missed Kairi approaching him. He wrapped her up in a tight hug.
She felt stronger than he remembered. Riku closed his eyes and took a deep breath and gave her another squeeze before he let go. “Hey Kairi.”
Kairi rolled her eyes and gave Riku a quick punch to the arm. “You’d better have a good excuse for upsetting him.”
Riku sighed, guilt making him flush. “I know.”
Kairi huffed and punched him again. “Well, do you?”
Riku shook his head, rubbing his arm ruefully. She was stronger than he remembered. “No, not really.”
Kairi sighed and looked at the sky. “ Boys .” She turned her gaze back to Riku and opened her mouth before she frowned and looked at him more closely. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” Riku said, hoping she wouldn’t see the lie. She was too perceptive for her own damn good. Always had been. “Are you all right? You’ve been gone-”
Kairi waved a hand away. “I’m sure Sora will tell the whole story later. I don’t remember most of it, I was trapped. But Sora rescued me, and then we came home.”
“I’m glad he got you back,” Riku said, keeping his voice soft. He meant that. He truly did. Even if it meant he was going to lose Sora, he’d never wanted Kairi to remain trapped wherever Xehanort had taken her.
Kairi smiled. “Me too.” She reached out and gave Riku another quick hug. “We both missed you. Sora especially.”
Riku ignored the way his heart beat even faster at that. “I...are you going to stay for long?”
She shook her head. “Leaving in the morning.”
Just like that, Riku felt his heart stop and he had to fight not to protest that they stay and rest for longer. In the morning? He was only going to get to see them tonight before they left? Who knew when he'd see them again. He cleared his throat. “You sure you don’t-”
“Well there you are!”
Kairi grinned and winked at Riku. “Good luck,” she whispered, pulling away from him to head towards the tower.
Riku turned to Sora, who was standing there, hands on his hips. The others were slinking past them and Riku did his best to ignore them so he could drink in the sight of Sora. He was taller, though not by much. His hair was a bit shaggier. He looked tired, and also irritated. “Hey Sora.”
Sora rolled his eyes. “Hey, he says. After ignoring me for days, he says ‘hey’.”
Riku huffed. “I didn’t mean to ignore you!”
“So, why didn’t you answer my calls? Or messages?” Sora asked, stepping closer to Riku.
“I…” Riku swallowed and felt himself blush. “I didn’t have my phone on me. It was off, in my dresser. I didn’t know you’d sent anything until Terra said something this morning!”
Sora raised both his eyebrows and crossed his arms over his chest.
The last thing Riku wanted to do was spent the precious few hours they had together fighting. He took a deep breath and sagged. “I…” He swallowed and forced the rest of the words out. “After you...left. I was checking it too much. Waiting to hear from you. I put it in my desk so I stopped checking it so often.”
Sora’s face softened and Riku was struck, again, with the urge to wrap Sora in his arms and never let him go. “I didn’t mean to ignore you. Promise, Sora.” His heart was pounding and Riku could feel their heartsong in the back of his mind, the soft sound that reminded him that Sora was home .
Sora moved and Riku had barely registered the movement before Sora’s arms were wrapped around his shoulders and he was being hugged. Riku made a small noise, pulling Sora closer, his fingers clinging embarrassingly tight. Sora was breathing hard and Riku held him tighter, pressing his face to Sora’s hair, clenching his eyes shut so he didn’t start doing something ridiculous like cry.
“Riku,” Sora whispered, pressing his face to Riku’s neck, closing his eyes and relaxing for the first time in months. “Riku.”
“I’m here,” Riku promised. “I’m here, Sora. You can rest. I’ll keep you safe. I’m here.” He kept babbling quietly as Sora’s breathing slowed and their hearts started to beat in time, exactly as they should. He whispered the reminders until Sora relaxed and his arms fell from around his shoulders. He stepped back and smiled at Sora, reaching out to ruffle his hair. “You good?”
Sora batted Riku’s hand away from his hair with a scowl and huffed. “Yeah, I am now!” He gave Riku a sunny grin and punched him in the arm. “Come on, I’m starving !”
“Hi starving, nice to meet you,” Riku quipped. He couldn’t stop the grin on his face as Sora groaned.
“I might have missed you, but I haven’t missed your terrible jokes.”
Riku huffed. “Excuse you, my jokes are excellent. Not my fault you enjoy lowbrow humor.”
“Lowbrow?!” Sora said indignantly. “I’ll have you know I like very, uh, high end humor!”
Riku raised both of his eyebrows. “Oh yeah? Like what?”
Sora huffed and gave Riku a shove. “Come on, I want food!”
“All right, all right,” Riku said, giving Sora a shove back, heading towards the tower. “Better get there before Axel eats everything. We make him eat last, so that way there’s food left for the rest of us.”
Sora’s eyes went wide and he turned to sprint for the front door, bellowing Axel’s name and demanding that he leave some food for him. Riku watched him go and looked back to the Gummi ship. Tomorrow. He had until tomorrow, at least.
He ignored the pain in his heart at the idea of Sora leaving, especially when his arms were still singing with the warmth of Sora wrapped around him and followed him into the tower. It was easy to follow the noise of the group where Sora and Kairi were already talking of how Sora had found and saved her.
“You do emo kid far too well.”
Riku glanced over at Roxas and frowned, leaning back against the wall. “He has enough people crowding him, he doesn’t need me, too.” Sora’s eyes met his and he offered a quick grin, his heart skipping a beat when Sora grinned back at him before drifting back to Kairi, who was telling her part of the story.
Roxas snorted. “With as often as he looks at you, that’s bullshit. He’d be happy sitting in your lap, telling this story.”
Riku rolled his eyes. “He and Kairi are leaving tomorrow morning, stop it.”
Roxes frowned and turned to look at Sora and Kairi. “Are they?”
“Yeah,” Riku said, taking a sip of the drink he was pretending to nurse in his corner. “Kairi told me.”
“I see.”
Riku raised his eyebrows, but smiled at Sora when he looked over again. He did have the shortest attention span ever. But he was trying to pay attention and put the focus on Kairi.
“Martyrdom isn’t a good look on you. Tell him. He’ll surprise you.”
Riku scowled and watched Roxas walk over to Axel, stepping into his space, leaning against the redhead. Just like that, the tension that had been in Axel bled out of him and he looked happy. Riku took another slow sip of the drink that he couldn’t taste any longer and didn’t imagine Sora doing the same to him.
He pressed a hand to his heart, feeling the string between Sora and himself flare brighter with longing. Too late, he realized Sora was mimicking the motion and looking at him. Fuck . His eyes were so bright. Riku cursed to himself and pulled his hand away, stepping away and towards the door. He should have known better. He did know better.
He ran to his room, slamming the door shut behind him, casting the silence spell around him. He sank back against the wall of his room, curling up and hiding his face in his knees. Riku forced himself to take one deep breath, and then another. He just needed a few minutes, just a few minutes and he would be okay. He’d be able to go back down and laugh with Sora and Kairi and-
There was a knock at the door. He scowled at it. Who was it this time? Aqua? The King? Hell, Ven hadn’t come to guilt him, and neither had Donald or Goofy, maybe one of them was there to yell at him for being rude to Sora-
“Riku?”
The sound of Sora’s voice, tentative and quiet outside his door made Riku stare, his heart thumping painfully. He pressed a hand to it and winced. He wanted Sora. Wanted him so badly his body ached with it. His heart was beating hard against his hand and he could hear Sora outside his door.
“Riku please, I know you’re in there, I can...I can feel it.”
Riku sighed and stood up. Sora wasn’t going leave, because sometimes his best friend was as stubborn as he was. He walked to the door and opened it, staring down at Sora. Not as far down as he used to. His heart turned over painfully. Sora was different now.
He cleared his throat. “Yeah?”
Sora looked up at him and Riku felt his heart stutter as deep blue eyes met his. He could stare into Sora’s eyes for hours.
“Why are you running from me, Riku? What did I do?”
Riku did his best not to flinch at the question. Sora always took the world on his shoulders, and somehow always tried to find ways to make things his fault, even when they weren’t. It wasn’t his fault he was in love with Kairi. He just was. “I’m not running-”
Sora snorted and reached out to press his palm to Riku’s heart. He felt the skip and stutter under his palm and looked up at Riku again. “Yes, you are, Riku. What did I do?”
Riku blinked hard, staring down at Sora, at the earnestness in his eyes. Sora cared so much, about everyone. If he thought he could fix something, he would always do his best to make sure he did.
“You didn’t do anything, Sora,” Riku whispered. His heart beat slow and steadily against Sora’s palm, now. It was true. Sora hadn’t done anything. It was his own stupid self that had gone and fallen for a heart that already belonged to someone else.
Sora sighed and leaned in closer, resting his cheek over his hand, listening to the sound of Riku’s heart. Like this he could almost hear the faint strains of their heartsong. It’d been quiet for too long. “What’s wrong?”
Riku bit back the answers that wanted to burst out of him. I’m in love with you. You’ll never love me back. You’re going to leave tomorrow and I may never see you again. You’re happier with Kairi than you ever were with me. I’m not good enough for you, and I never will be.
“I missed you,” Riku whispered. It was the truth. It was the smallest fraction of the truths he wanted to say, but it was something, at least. Like this, he could smell the shampoo Sora used and he had to fight not to bury his face in Sora’s hair all over again. “I missed you every day, Sora. The King had to stop me from chasing after you after you left.”
Sora’s hand curled, tangling in the fabric of Riku’s shirt. He pressed closer and gave Riku a small shove and shut the door behind him. He sighed, relaxing and pressing in closer to Riku. “I missed you too, Riku.”
Riku wrapped his arms around Sora again, viciously telling himself that this was as a friend, and that Sora had always been tactile and he had been gone for six months. That they weren’t going to see each other for a long time and maybe Sora was sad about that fact too. Sora’s shoulders were shaking and Riku tightened his hold. “You’re safe here,” he reminded Sora quietly.
Sora managed a small laugh. “Been a long time since I was safe. Really safe.”
Riku could only imagine. From the snippets he’d heard of the journey Sora had gone on, it had been mentally and physically exhausting. He shifted and rubbed his hand up and down Sora’s back slowly, holding onto him as he melted even closer. “You’re safe,” he repeated, whispering it into Sora’s hair until the shaking had stopped, even though Sora remained pressed firmly against him.
“Will you come downstairs?” Sora pulled back just enough to whisper the words. “Please? I want you there.”
Riku steeled himself. Sora needed him, and when Sora needed him, he would always be there. He’d made that promise and he had every intention of keeping it. Even now, when his heart was breaking.
“Yeah,” he managed a nod. “I’ll come back down.”
Sora smiled and sniffled, wiping his eyes with his sleeve. “Okay, good. Cause I would have dragged you.”
Riku wanted to kiss away every tear lingering on Sora’s cheeks. “If you need me, I will always be there,” he promised.
“Good.” Sora gave another nod and took Riku’s hand. “Come on then. No more brooding! I’m back now, so you’re only allowed to be happy!”
Riku let himself be dragged back down to the dining room and ignored the knowing looks from some of the others. It wasn’t like that, and it never would be. Sora, just…. Sora needed him. And he’d always be there when Sora needed him.
The rest of the evening, despite the brief interruption, was something that Riku found he both loved and hated all at once. Everyone was here. The world wasn’t ending. They were all safe. There were smiles and laughter and food. And every time Sora caught his eyes, he smiled and every time, Riku felt his heart stutter harder.
He was tempted to ask the King to freeze time, just so he could savor Sora’s smile for a little bit longer, the way he laughed with Donald and Goofy, the excited way he chatted with Ven, Riku wanted all of it and more. But the night had to end, especially with Sora giving large yawns despite his best efforts.
When Riku headed up to his room, he knew that he wasn’t going to sleep. If he didn’t sleep, then maybe the night would never end and Sora wouldn’t be leaving in the morning. He almost didn’t hear the soft knock on his door. But then the door was opening and Riku spun around, keyblade in hand, to find Sora shutting the door behind him, standing in his pajamas. He blinked.
“Sora?” Riku let the keyblade immediately disappear and walked towards him. “Is something wrong? Are you all right? Is Kairi okay?” What had happened, why was Sora here?
“Shhhh,” Sora hissed. “You don’t need to raise the alarm, jeeze Riku.”
Riku took a deep breath and pushed his fingers through his hair. “You scared me. You’re okay?”
“Yes, yes, I’m fine! I mean, no, not really, but yeah, I’m physically fine, and…” Sora swallowed hard and looked at the wall.
Riku raised an eyebrow. “And…” he offered, waiting for Sora to continue.
Sora sighed and crossed his arms over his chest. “I need help.”
Riku nodded and stepped forward. He’d always help Sora if he could. “With what?”
“I…” Sora bit down on his lower lip and looked at the floor. “Would you...could you…”
He would not let his imagination finish that sentence. He would wait and he would do whatever Sora needed if it was in his power to provide. Riku moved closer to Sora and stopped in front of him.
Sora took a deep breath and forced his eyes up to Riku’s. “Would you...dream eat, again? For me?”
Riku blinked. Of all the requests he had pictured Sora making, that one in particular had been low on the list. “You...you want me to…?”
Shifting uncomfortably, Sora nodded. “I...I need it. I haven’t been sleeping. At all, really. I...the darkness I pulled Kairi out of, the nightmares are…” he coughed. “I can’t sleep.”
No wonder Sora looked so exhausted. Riku nodded and reached out, cupping Sora’s cheeks in his hands. He leaned closer and pressed a kiss to the top of Sora’s head. “Always. I promised I would do anything to protect you.”
Sora sagged in relief. “Thank you, Riku.”
Riku nodded and looked around his room. “It’ll be easiest on my bed. Are you comfortable with that?”
Sora nodded again. “Yeah, I mean, you’re doing me the favor. We can do whatever you want!”
Riku ushered Sora over to the bed so he could get changed quickly. A thin shirt and sweatpants later, he climbed into his bed, reminding himself that no matter how good Sora looked tucked under the blankets and up against his pillows, he was here for help. Not for any other reason.
“So how do we do this?” Sora asked. “I kinda….don’t remember.”
Riku hummed and reached out to press a hand to Sora’s neck, cupping it so he could rub his thumb along Sora’s jawline. “I have to be touching you like this. Is that all right?”
Sora swallowed and nodded, staring at Riku. “Of course. Now what?”
Riku leaned in closer and didn’t pay attention to the way Sora’s eyes widened a fraction, or the way his lips parted, just enough. Instead he focused on establishing the connection with Sora so he could dreamwalk with him. He pressed a gentle kiss to Sora’s forehead. “Sleep,” he ordered his voice echoing with power.
It was part spell, part dreameating ability that caused Sora to almost immediately fall into sleep. Riku closed his eyes and fell into Sora’s dreams with him. He would make sure no nightmares bothered Sora tonight.
~!~
Sora’s dreams were chaotic, at best. Riku looked around at the fragmented shards of colored glass scattered in darkness. Sometimes they swirled into pictures, scenes, memories, and sometimes they turned into a storm, attempting to slice and cut him. He waved them aside and stepped through them, looking for Sora. Grounded in reality, Riku wasn’t impacted by the dream trying to brush him aside.
“Riku!”
Sora’s scream was anguished and Riku’s head snapped up. In an instant, he was standing behind Sora and he stared in surprise at the scene in front of them. It was the Keyblade Graveyard, where he’d stepped in front of the stream of Heartless to protect Sora. Where he'd died, for Sora. He stepped closer, and watched his arms start to buckle in the dream. A moment later they were engulfed in darkness and Riku continued to walk to Sora. He could hear the sobbing coming from him and his heart clenched. He’d take these dreams far away.
“You’re so weak.”
Riku frowned at the sound of his voice coming from nearby. Another sob escaped Sora’s mouth and he could see Sora kneeling on the floor, his fingers grasping desperately at the shards of glass.
“Riku, I’m sorry, I’m so sorry, Riku, please, I tried-”
“You failed. I had to step in and protect you. Like always.”
Riku watched this version of him scoff, rolling his eyes and frowned. He knelt down beside Sora, reaching out to touch his arm, as his doppleganger started to speak again.
“One of these days I’ll just leave you. You’re not worth protecting. Couldn’t even protect your friends.”
This time the noise that escaped Sora was far more broken and Riku could feel Sora desperately trying to wake up in bed, though Riku was keeping him under. The time had come to end this dream. He touched Sora’s arm and light spiked around them both and he met Sora’s shocked eyes with a smile.
“R-Riku?” Sora’s eyes darted between them both.
“You saved us all, Sora,” Riku reminded him softly. “And I will always, always protect you,” he promised again, the light growing brighter around them both, banishing the darkness and the shards of glass. He took them to a dreamscape of his own design, to Radiant Garden, bright light shining down on them both. “There. Much better.”
Sora stood up slowly, looking around. “Where, where are we? How did you do that?”
Riku hummed. Telling Sora what he was doing would break the spell of the dream they were in, and he could feel Sora’s heart and body relaxing, finding truly peaceful sleep for the first time in a long time. “We are in Radiant Garden.”
“How?” Sora pressed, frowning. “How did you...did you stop that?”
“I promised,” Riku said simply. “To always keep you safe. I’m doing exactly that.”
Sora looked down at the ground, and down at his hands, then up to Riku again. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
Riku stood and watched Sora, wondering if he should leave him to his own dream again when soft music started to play. His eyes went wide as he recognized the song. It was...it was…
“So it really is you,” Sora said, opening his eyes. He looked to Riku and smiled, bright and wide. “It only plays when I’m with you.”
This was the loudest Riku had ever heard their heartsong, and it was the truest. The music swelled around them both and Riku closed his eyes, listening to all the nuances he could never hear outside of a dream. It was more beautiful than he could have imagined. And this would likely be the only time he would ever hear it in this way.
“It’s beautiful,” Riku whispered. He felt fingers on his cheeks and opened his eyes, staring into Sora’s eyes. He was too close. Too close and never close enough.
“You’re crying.” It was a simple statement as Sora’s fingers wiped the tears away.
Riku relished in the touch, leaning into Sora’s hands, unable to keep himself from it. The song seemed to swell, to lighten, the closer they were. “Yeah,” he admitted. There was no point in denying it.
Sora hummed and leaned up, pressing his lips to Riku’s cheek where the tear tracks were. “You saved me again.”
Riku nodded, his eyes fluttering at the soft touch of Sora’s lips. “I’ll always save you, Sora.”
“I’m not worth that,” Sora admitted.
“You are.” Riku opened his eyes to meet Sora’s again, seeing the hesitancy and fear. “You are always, always worth that, Sora.”
Sora frowned and kept his eyes locked on Riku’s. “Why?”
Riku leaned down and pressed his forehead against Sora’s, his breath escaping him in small pants. The words were there, just behind his lips, desperate to escape. He shifted and pressed his hand to Sora’s heart. It pounded against his palm, but Sora never looked away from him. Sora was fearless.
“You know the answer to that,” Riku told him. His eyes were shut as he leaned into Sora. He felt, rather than saw Sora smile.
“I suppose that is true.”
Riku didn’t know how long they stood together, there in a dream Radiant Garden, but he would have stood there forever, listening to their heartsong twisting and playing around them both. But the dream eventually flickered and he pulled away, looking down at Sora. He smiled, his heart twisting uncomfortably.
Sora stared up at him and frowned. “Riku…?”
Riku leaned in and pressed a kiss to Sora’s forehead. “I’ll always be here to protect you. I’ll always be with you.”
Sora looked desperate as the dream started to fracture, reaching for him as Riku let the spell start to dissipate. “You promise?!”
Riku nodded. “I promise,” he called, and kept his eyes on Sora until the dream faded into nothing as Sora woke up. He closed his eyes and let himself drift slowly into wakefulness, the sound of their heartsong fading in his ears.
~!~
When Riku opened his eyes, he was alone in his bed. His heart ached and he looked out the window. Dawn. Sora and Kairi would be leaving soon. There was an indent in the blankets where Sora had slept. He pushed himself up and out of bed. He would say goodbye, with all of the rest. He owed them at least that.
As he reached the ground floor of the tower, the sound of the Gummiship engine had him whipping his head around. Surely they wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye?!
Riku sprinted down the hallway, shoving past a surprised Terra and Goofy, racing for the doorway. No, no, Sora wouldn’t leave without saying goodbye!
“Sora!!” he shouted, but there was no hope of being heard over the engine. He leapt over the steps and into the grass where the ship was already rising off the grass. “Sora! No, dammit!”
In the blink of an eye, the ship was rising into the sky, and then it was gone. Riku fell to his knees, struggling to breathe. He pressed his hands to the ground, his chest heaving, and he punched the grass hard enough to have his hand aching in pain. Sora had left without saying goodbye. At least now he knew how Sora felt and Riku couldn’t stop the sob that escaped, knowing he looked the very picture of pathetic kneeling in his pajamas, tears streaking down his cheeks as he punched the grass again and again.
There was the sound of a commotion behind him, frantic voices, but Riku didn’t bother paying attention. Sora was gone, so what was there to care about, now? He forced himself to take a deep breath, even as the tears came faster, falling to the grass below him.
The sound of footsteps made him tense and he wiped frantically at his eyes, his hand twinging hard with pain. Then someone was kneeling in front of him.
“What are you doing out of bed, silly?”
Sora’s voice was soft and teasing and Riku’s head jolted up in shock to stare at Sora kneeling in front of him, his eyes real, kind and worried. He was still wearing his pajamas. He hadn’t left….?
“Wh-what are you doing here?” Riku croaked. “You…”
Sora gave a sheepish smile. “Well, I woke up to get the both of us breakfast as a thank you for helping me to sleep so well, and I guess you woke up and thought I was gone?”
Riku’s mind stuttered to an abrupt halt and his heart was pounding so loudly he was sure Sora could hear it. He swallowed hard, wiping at his face again.
“Y-you...breakfast?” Riku shook his head. It didn’t make sense. “But your ship…” he looked up at the sky where he could still see the smoke trails from the Gummiship. He reached out to touch Sora’s arm, reminding himself that Sora was there, he was real. The skin beneath his hand was warm.
“Oh, yeah!” Sora smiled and looked up. “Kairi’s borrowing it. She wanted to go back and visit her parents before she set off on her own adventure. Said something about being jealous of us always getting to have them!”
Riku’s mind was whirling and he couldn’t keep up. “But aren’t you...aren’t you going with her?”
Sora wrinkled his nose. “Nah. Besides, what if the worlds need us again? We’d better be ready!”
Riku’s head was swimming and he was reminded of how much pain his hand was in and he frowned down at it. Maybe it was keeping him from focusing.
“Your hand!” Sora cried, immediately reaching out for it, smoothing his fingertips along the cuts there. “You didn’t tell me you were hurt!” He rubbed his thumbs slowly over the bruises and leaned down to whisper against them. “Cura.”
Riku watched the green tendrils of light swarm his hand before the spell faded. He flexed his hand, easily now, still held in both of Sora’s. He cleared his throat. “Sora?”
“Yeah?”
“I thought you were leaving with Kairi,” Riku said, meeting Sora’s eyes, watching them go wide with shock and surprise.
“Why, why would I do that? You’re here! I’m back, why wouldn’t I stay with you?” Sora rolled his eyes and stood up, pulling Riku along with him. “No wonder you were so upset, but did you really think I’d leave without saying goodbye?”
“N-no,” Riku whispered, glad that the others had thankfully disappeared and the entrance to the tower was empty. He tightened his hand around Sora’s and was glad when he got a squeeze and a smile from Sora in return.
Sora led the way back up to Riku’s room, grinning when he saw there was food waiting for them. He grabbed them both pastries and pushed Riku towards the bed. “Take off your dirty pants,” he ordered, stuffing one end of the pastry into his mouth so he could shimmy out of his pants. He climbed back into the bed and stared at Riku.
Riku followed the instructions robotically, convinced that any moment, he was going to wake up from this dream. It had to be a dream. There was no other solution, he must be dreaming, maybe he was trapped in his own dream.
Sora pushed the covers back and gave the bed a firm pat. “Now get over here. You look like you’re going to fall apart.”
“I’m fine,” Riku grumbled on reflex, finishing the pastry Sora had handed him, carefully crawling into the bed before Sora pulled the blankets up and over them both.
“You clearly are not,” Sora said grumpily, scooting closer. “You’re going to tell me what’s going in in that head of yours, I am going to tell you that it’s going to be fine and I’m going nowhere and we’re going to sleep some more.”
Riku held himself still until Sora was cuddled up to him, one arm wrapped possessively around his waist, and Sora’s face smushed into his neck. There was almost no tension in Sora either, showing the comfort he felt. Riku hesitantly reached out to wrap an arm around Sora and felt him relax even more.
“So,” Sora mumbled. “Talk.”
“What do you want me to say?” Riku grumbled, huffing out a breath into Sora’s hair.
Sora snorted. “Why you thought I was gonna leave when I only just got back is a good place to start.”
Riku swallowed hard and sighed. “Kairi. You’ve l-loved her forever. Of course you’d go with her.”
Sora was quiet for a long moment. “I loved the idea of her, a long time ago, Riku. I will always love her, but as a friend. When...when I rescued her, and I had to pull myself out of that darkness...it wasn’t her I thought of.”
Riku felt his heart stop for several precious seconds before it began beating again, in earnest. “Who…”
“The same person…” Sora smiled against Riku’s neck. “Who rescued me from that darkness in my dreams last night.”
“Wha…” Riku swallowed hard and tightened his hold on Sora.
“I followed my heart home to you , Riku,” Sora said, his voice soft. “You led me home. You are home.”
Riku clenched his hand into Sora’s shirt, holding onto it to keep his hand from shaking. “Sora, I-”
“I know,” Sora interrupted. “I told you. In the dream. You told me I knew why. And it’s because you love me, isn’t it?” He pulled back just enough to meet Riku’s eyes, staring at him curiously.
Riku’s mouth went dry and he swallowed hard. “Yeah, I...I do.”
“Great!” Sora said happily, giving Riku a big grin, leaning up to kiss his cheek. “Cause I love you too, even though you ignored my messages, and moped around yesterday and scared me half to death this morning-”
Riku shifted and rolled Sora under him, pressing him back into the pillows with his body. He watched as Sora’s cheeks flushed and his eyes went wide. Riku could feel his heart pounding and he leaned down to press their foreheads together. Like this, he could feel how strong Sora was, and he had no doubt that if he wanted to, Sora could throw him off, but Sora trusted him.
“You have my heart, Sora,” Riku whispered. He rubbed his nose slowly against Sora’s and felt him shiver underneath him. “And six months is a long time.”
Sora sighed and wrapped his arms around Riku’s waist, spreading his legs to let Riku sink in even closer, arching into how good it felt to have him here, like this, at last. “Yeah it is.”
Riku shifted, just enough so their lips were nearly touching and smirked down at Sora. “So what do you say we make up for lost time?” he punctuated the question with a slow roll of his hips and muffled Sora’s groan with a kiss.
Axel’s voice echoed outside the door. “Called it! Everyone owes me 10 Munny!”
Riku and Sora broke apart laughing, and Riku cast the silencing spell before leaning down to kiss Sora again. He would kiss Sora like this every chance he got for the rest of their lives.
Sora broke the kiss to suck in a desperate breath of air as Riku rolled his hips again, unable to keep down the shiver it gave him. “Best part,” he managed, staring up at Riku. “We get to do this here, and then again in a dream together!”
This time it was Riku who shuddered and he kissed Sora desperately, eager to touch every inch of him that he could.
“Just imagine,” Sora panted, when Riku had to pull back to breathe. “Us there, surrounded by our heartsong, alone, free to do whatever we like…”
Riku growled and kissed Sora again, hard and deep. Even here, in the real world, he could hear the faint strains of their heartsong, binding the both of them together. This was than he could have ever imagined.