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You lay half-awake in bed, eyes closed but your mind focusing on the ticking of your clock, afraid to check what time it was. What if your alarm was about to go off? Maybe, just maybe, you were lucky and it was only 4:00 AM. Your mind was going crazy thinking about what you had to do today. You could start to feel your heart race and your breathing pick up. The familiar tingling in your hands and feet were rising and your head was beginning to feel all spinny. "Just open your eyes," you thought to tell yourself. "Just check the clock. It'll be okay."
Opening your eyes slightly, you can see there's sun coming in through your windows. "I knew it," your stomach churns. "I'm gonna have to get up in a few minutes, aren't I?"
Turning your head slightly to look at the alarm, you notice it's only 7:54 AM. Two hours before you have to wake up. "Okay. That's not bad," you try to convince yourself. "That's still two whole hours before I have to face the day. I just have to make the most of my sleep while I can."
But you can't.
No matter how long you lay with your eyes shut and no matter how much you try to clear your mind, you just can't. "All I have to do right now is sleep and I can't even do that right."
You grab a fist full of the bedsheet and squeeze your eyes shut as tears start to roll down your cheeks. Your body begins to shake and you try to keep your sobs quiet so you don't wake up your currently sleeping boyfriend. Afraid you're being too loud, you place a hand over your mouth to silence the few cries that you can't hold in.
Your grip on the sheet loosens as you hear your boyfriend roll over, placing his arm over you and pulling you as close as he can to himself. "(Y/N)? Why are you crying?" he whispers. You can feel the pain in his voice and you immediately lose it.
You cover your face with both of your hands and just let yourself go. You're a shaking, sweating, sobbing mess that can't even stop for a minute to explain why you're like this. "I'm sorry, Tamaki," you whisper under your breath. "I didn't mean to wake you up."
Tamaki rolls you over so you're facing him and he wraps his arms around you. You bury your face in his chest as he caresses the back of your hair, holding you as close as possible. "Don't apologize. What's wrong, (Y/N)?"
You didn't know how to answer. You were crying because you woke up when you didn't want to and can't get back to sleep. You were crying because you desperately didn't want to do whatever it was you had to do that day. You knew why you were crying, but you didn't know how to explain it without sounding crazy.
"Are you having a panic attack?" he asks, the concern in his voice making you feel beyond guilty. You answer wordlessly, nodding into his chest. He gives you a slight squeeze to hug you and kisses the top of your head. "I'm here. Bear with me, okay? Find one thing you can smell."
You close your eyes and immediately take in his scent. You nuzzle into his chest and try to steady your inhales and exhales.
"Find two things you can hear."
His voice. His voice is one of the few things that help ease you whenever you feel anxious. You can faintly hear the chirping of birds outside your window.
"Find three things you can touch."
One of your hands tangles itself in Tamaki's hair while the other grabs a hand full of the soft oversized shirt you're wearing. It's the comfiest shirt you own and your favourite to wear around the house. You rub your legs together like a cricket, taking in the feel of the soft sheets with your feet and you slowly exhale through your mouth.
"Find four things you can see."
You slowly open your eyes and begin to look around. You can see your cellphone, a television, and a photograph of you and your friends. Angling your head up, you look directly into Tamaki's indigo orbs. Your boyfriend gives you a kiss on the forehead and looks back at you. "Did that help at all?"
Giving a small smile, you nod. "Thank you. I'm sorry I woke you up."
"Don't be sorry. Is there anything specific that caused this?"
"I'm scared of having to deal with today."
Tamaki's hand traces your back in a circular motion, knowing how much it relaxes you to have your back tickled. "You won't be alone. I'm here with you. Plus, y'know, if you worry about something that hasn't even happened yet, you'll only be experiencing it twice."
Sighing, you close your eyes. "I know. I'm just so tied up in my own mind. I do feel a little bit better though, so thank you."
The indigo-haired boy gives a small smile and pulls you in for a kiss. His arms pull you close to him and it had butterflies fluttering in your stomach like the first time you ever kissed.
"(Y/N)."
"Yes?"
"I'm in love with you."
You smile and place a kiss on his lips. It wasn't the first time he's said it, but it just feels different than the regular 'I love you.'
"I'm in love with you too, Tamaki."