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One eye. One eye that shone with a beautiful golden colour, the only thing that reminded you of your deity status on Earth. And there was the other eye, covered by a black eyepatch. A scar ran from your hairline, over your covered eye, down your cheek into your neck. You still shivered whenever you thought about the day you had gotten that scar.
Your face was distorted. It looked so different in the mirror. It looked like it wasn't even yours. On your best days, you managed to ignore it the best you could. On your worst days, you tended to stay in your chambers. Today was a bad day. A really bad day.
Jane Foster was in the Compound, to do research with Bruce, and you knew that Thor didn't feel anything for her anymore, but you still couldn't shake the thought that she was so much better than you.
She didn't have a thick red scar across her face that disfigured it. She had a pretty, small face, with doe-like eyes, and a strong character. She was fierce.
You weren't. Not anymore.
Everyone knew better than to interrupt you on your bad days. You were glad they didn't.
Sometimes, your insecurities got the best of you, however. Then all sorts of negative thoughts would pop up in your head, and since you didn't have anything to fight them with, you just stayed in bed and cried.
Today, however, was different.
This time, you stood in front of a mirror. A mirror. You hadn't looked in a mirror since Ragnarok occured.
And you really didn't like what you saw.
God, you had been so beautiful and radiant back then. When Asgard shone and your eyes shimmered in the sunlight, and the sound of your laugh would fill the palace halls. And now you were just a shell of what you used to be.
Sif used to tell you that no matter what happened, you would always be beautiful. And you would be a warrior. You felt like you had disappointed her.
Whenever you walked the streets, you would notice the stares you got. There was no use covering the scar up, and so you didn't. But despite what the world thought - that you were a fierce warrior, only bested by Thor and Loki combined - you weren't like that at all. Your thoughts consumed you, ate you from the inside.
You're ugly, they whispered. Your love will find another who will satisfy him. Someone like Lady Jane.
He doesn't love you anymore. Nobody holds you dear. Who could, when there are such scars disfiguring your face?
You whimpered, curling up on your bed. Your head was pounding, and there was a faint burning in your cheek you had already gotten used to.
The scar had been inflicted with magic. It would never fade. It would always stay red and thick, and your eye would never heal enough.
Everybody is scared of you.
They aren't, you wanted to scream to your thoughts, but you couldn't bring up the energy to do so.
They hate you, Y/N, your thoughts said. They don't want you here. You ruin their image. The only thing you do is sit and whine in your room. You're not an Avenger anymore. You're just a little pathetic girl who can't stop crying.
And you deserve it. You don't deserve Thor. You don't deserve anyone.
It's your fault your sister died, they whispered.
At that, you cried even harder.
You knew that was't true, and yet, it still hit you like a bomb. There was no way you could ever forgive yourself for letting Sif die. It had been unexpected. But you could have done something. You could have sacrificed yourself, as she had done for you countless of times.
Sif would be so disappointed in you. You could almost hear Loki's voice say it.
But Loki wouldn't say that. At least not to your face.
You pulled the soft sheets over your trembling body, and asked FRIDAY to put on some calming music.
"Are you alright?" The AI asked. "Should I call Thor for you?"
"No," you whispered, "let me handle this alone."
"Are you sure you can handle this?"
You didn't answer the AI as she dimmed the lights, and a soft melody played through the room.
Your thoughts were pushed to the background, but remained lingering in your head.
You jerked upright in bed, eyes wide open, breathing erratic. Hot tears were streaming down your face, and you choked back a sob.
It was just a nightmare, you told yourself. Just a nightmare. It wasn't real.
"I don't know how I could ever love you." Thor sounded disgusted. You shrunk away visibly. Jane stood by his side, her hand on his arm and her face was triumphal. Her eyes screamed 'I won! I won him!'.
"But why?" You whimpered. Thor's eyes narrowed.
"You are a vile, disgusting creature. You don't deserve to be in my presence."
Behind him appeared the Avengers, and they all looked at you with such disgust, that you felt your heart break.
Even Tony, the one understood what it had to be like, looked down at you. He spat on the ground.
"You shouldn't be in the Avengers." He said, and you felt all the air leave your lungs.
"Please don't do this!" You begged, and you hated to beg. They started walking away.
"No!" You yelled.
You closed your eyes and tried to tune the thoughts out, but they were screaming for attention.
You don't deserve to be here! they yelled. You are a monster!
The door creaked open, but you barely noticed. Instead, you curled up on the bed, with the sheets tugged over you, and you cried.
"My love?"
Thor's voice was laced with concern.
"My love, what bothers you so?"
He sat down on the bed and reached for you. The warmth and love in his voice almost scared your thoughts away.
You don't deserve him, they whispered. He doesn't love you. How can he, when you have a face like that?
"My love," Thor sounded patient, as if he was willing to wait for a long time, and you didn't understand.
"Don't do this," you whispered, your voice breaking. You turned so you wouldn't have to face him.
"Do what?" He asked, and his hand touched your shoulder. You winced and moved away from him.
"Pretending you love me," you choked out. "Please don't do that."
Thor stayed silent for a minute. Then, he swiftly turned you around so you had to face him, but you lowered your eyes.
"No," he said, putting his finger under your chin and lifting it, "look at me."
You did, and you gasped.
His blue eyes were sizzling with love. As his hands touched your face, you could feel it seep into your bones.
"You're beautiful," he whispered, stroking your scar. "I love you any way you are. This scar only shows me the sacrifices you are willing to take for your loved ones, and it makes me love you even more."
You buried your head in his chest.
"You're an amazing woman, Y/N. You're a warrior, you're strong and fierce and beautiful, and you have everything that I want and need." He pressed you closer to him, pressing a kiss to your hairline.
"I love you. I love you forever."
Forever was a big promise. Asgardians lived a long time. Gods lived even longer.
"Stay with me, okay?" He whispered, and you nodded.
Thor intended to show you just how much he loved you.