Chapter Text
When you have lived more than half of your life out of motel rooms and a black masculine car, with only a snobby nerdy kid (his brother’s words) and your grunt of an absent father, it takes some time to adjust to a life in a full fledged home with multiple rooms and a kitchen with a stove.
But, not Dean.
No, he had adjusted to THAT pretty quickly. It had felt too easy in some respects to Sam who for a fact knew that his brother was not the kind to settle down and keep it calm. But when he really thought about it, it was more a stable place to come back to, like bobby’s house had been for the boys for many years (before it had burned down to the ground, literally). A safe retreat.
Sam was the one who had struggled with that. He had never allowed himself to think of a stable home, apple pie and picket fences after what went down with Amelia (and before that Jess). So, it was more like a retreat to him since the beginning. Not until his brother had made it more of a home (chick-flick but you like it Dean, so shut it.) with all the cooking and the decorations and celebrations whenever they had time.
This, the feeling of belonging, the calm that came with some place to call their own, had made Sam into someone he had wanted to be at one point in his life.
With all the books, all that knowledge in their hands, it had made Sam feel powerful, feel independent.
And all the riff and the inevitable fight and win against the British Men of Letters had given Sam confidence and sort of a path different from just being a Hunter. He was a legacy, a Man of Letters AND a Hunter. Not many people could amount to that, His brother could, yes, but he didn’t think Dean was interested much in the reading bit of it.
Well, what all this boils down to, is that Sam is not ignorant enough (like his brother) to notice, and realise his own capability at leadership. Between him and Dean, it always comes down to Dean to be the leader, the decision maker, and even though Sam is mostly happy to do the thinking and the planning bit of it, it sometimes just gets tiresome to follow Dean around. And irritating. Yes, Sam can accept such stuff unlike his brother. Which is why, Sam enjoys being “Chief” for all the other world hunters. He may not like the nickname ( well, he likes it a bit, but don’t tell Dean) always but the respect, the responsibility and the freedom that comes with it is just exhilarating.
There have been mishaps and missteps and failures along the way, but in the 3 months that he is been leading this pack of hunters, who also resides with them, he has enjoyed the company and the companionship of it all, learned lessons and taken all the failures as a part and parcel of being in this field. Which he knows for a fact Dean could not ever do, and it guiltily makes him feel a bit more proud of himself.
Although, he’s also aware that these months have been comparatively quiet, they had that one mishap with other world Michael coming back but it actually turned out in their favour when he helped in killing Lucifer while Jack took care of the master planner himself.
It helps that Jack is learning and enjoying the attention even though most of the hunters are still wary of him and Cas owing to their experience with the Angels. But Sam likes to think they are getting there, beginning to loose their inhibitions and starting to accept and trust.
It’s actually Dean who is really bothering Sam. Well, it was expected, wasn’t it?
Dean comes inside the kitchen, looking like a disgruntled little child with sleepy eyes, frown on his stubbled face and his ever present Dead man’s gown on. It was a sight Sam was too used to, to even consider as something odd, so he simply went back to his self-made ( admittedly not as good as Dean’s reluctant ones) Salad with mashed potatoes.
It was however not an usual sight for Dean, who after hearing snickers and half assed comments about something or other, looked around to finally notice the added company to his brother’s presence. It startled Dean to say the least.
On the road in their earlier years or later, they had never had company of so many people, it had always been only him, Sam and dad and occasionally either Pastor Jim, Bobby or Caleb, later there had only been Bobby, and even after they had inherited this bunker, not many people have been invited to their sanctuary. Cas, Charlie, Mom, Rowena, Crowley (uninvited) mainly, and not always together. It’s because it is THEIR sanctuary.
Now, Dean looks around and he can see 10 people he doesn’t recognize milling about HIS kitchen and snickering and passing comments. He frowns slightly, the lack of his morning coffee making him more prone to irritation than usual. A slight twitch of his head and he’s focusing his wandering eyes over his brother. The only familiar face he can see in the room right now.
But what he sees stills him for a moment. His brother is sitting at the head of the big table they sometime moved into the kitchen, all relaxed and smiling and confident. It gives Dean a pause to see his brother so relaxed and into his element with these people. Dean could never for the life of him get along well with other hunters, specially when there were so many. But ironically, Sam who wasn’t even into that in hunting has always been the better communicator, better organizer with a large group, between the two of them.
It steals the words of disdain Dean had been thinking of throwing around and suddenly he is the one who is standing there, in his too short shorts and a dead man’s gown. Not for the first time, he feels odd in this kitchen. He realizes why he had been avoiding coming down here during these hours.
Don’t get him wrong. He is proud of his brother. He loves that kid with everything he has in him left to give. He enjoys seeing Sam this confident and nicely fitting with people other than him. Although it also gives him a slight scare that he just doesn’t want to think about.So even though, feeling like a freak is not exactly a new feeling when you have lived a life on road and always been the “new kid” in schools. This has been the place where he didn’t have to sensor himself, the place he has always felt in his element at. But the storm of freshly well dressed hunters milling about, talking makes him feel not so much at home.
It’s taken all of Dean’s limited morning energy supply to stand there and wait for his coffee to brew before he can make his escape. He tries his best to seem as harmless and invisible as possible. Even though the uncertain looks he is receiving from most of the men make him want to forget about his coffee and just leave. Breakfast is not even an option right now. He’ll come out when the place is sure to be empty. He isn’t sure when that happens though. May be he’ll order another meat lovers.
Sam doesn’t even meet his eyes after the half assed greeting with that bitch face #5 of his ( a combination of disappointed, embarrassed and fond), too busy solving problems and interacting. Dean shudders at the thought.
He hears the coffee machine beep along with a question aimed towards him but directed at his brother which just makes him pause…
“ Hey Chief! Your brother ere any good hunter or is he just good at ridin’ angels? Thought I heard about im from others a bit”
The disdain that fills the last words and the implication of them makes Dean shiver, with anger or fear even he isn’t sure. And then Sam is looking up at the man with something of a warning in his eyes as far as dean knows that fire anyway. Because when Sam looks at him after, his eyes hold nothing but mirth in them.
He simply says ignoring the question and the comment altogether… “ Got a few new hunts. Anybody interested?”
And there are nods all around the table and movement as Sam stands up and others just follow him naturally. Dean can sense Cas behind him and he can sense his need to step forward and say something but Dean just backs away and holds Cas back too as a pretence to make more space for the cavern to leave.
Sam is the last one out and he stops by them and asks pointedly “ interested?”
Cas steps forward this time and Dean doesn’t have the energy to hold him back in front of his brother’s uninterested calmness “ Why didn’t you answer that Man? Riding Angels? He doesn’t know what..”
Sam interrupts him with a raised eyebrow and “ Well, I couldn’t refute him now, could I? Dean hasn’t exactly set an extraordinary example of being anything else recently.” He says again in a softer tone after seeing Dean’s blank stare “ and anyways, its just the way they talk and process things Cas, they are from a world that required even little kids to be hands on, they value strength and effort”
It feels like a slap to his face. Dean knows he hasn’t been any help with hunts lately, he knows he has been too cooped up in his room, coming out mostly at odd hours in the night or in the day. But that is because he just doesn’t like the crowded feeling of the bunker and moreover the questions and the comments like today’s. These people are not exactly sympathizers of Michael vessel. It’s a double edged sward really. If he doesn’t interact he is the odd aloof good for nothing brother, and if he does he is the guy who agreed to ride the angel.
He has been saying no to hunts with the other world hunters for weeks now. Trying to avoid any unnecessary interactions, he goes on solo hunts, mostly avoiding to take even Cas with him so that Sam can have someone to watch his back. And Sam who has been too busy to even sleep lately has mostly missed his disappearances.
Sam is a good hunter, better than Dean himself he knows, but Dean is more experienced, he knows how to pick up hunts in their initial stages when most hunters won’t even suspect anything supernatural and that’s the reason Sam doesn’t know about his solo hunts. Dean would like to keep it that way. He doesn’t want to get saddled with parenting one of the other worlders. Moreover , he doesn’t want to snatch this persona away from his brother, it suits him. Even if it reminds Dean too much of DAD and his ways. Makes him shiver every damn time they refer to his brother as “ Chief”
So when he recognizes Cas’s need to refute that statement he just pulls a smile on his face and says as teasingly and as obnoxiously as possible…
“ Why Sammy! You not able to handle your merry band of hunters without the support of me now? I was sure I could give myself a trip to grand canyon with so many more hunters to take the job now.”
Three of them are the only ones standing in the kitchen now. It makes Dean feel a bit better about himself and automatically his shoulders sag from their defensive posture to a more comfortable stance. He is sure he can handle his brother. But when Sam’s unwavering gaze falls on him, dean tries not to cave…
Sam looks at his brother and says in calm tone, “ Do you think I don’t know where you have been going Dean? I know you think I don’t manage this all well, don’t sleep enough, eat enough etc etc but I manage to DO my job properly enough, I assure you.”
Dean pauses and looks at his brother for a moment. The comment catching him off guard more times than the expected one. He couldn’t really explain to Sam how wrong he was about his last statement. But he would try,
Dean says softly, his shoulders drawing back but his eyes showing the pride he felt in his brother “ I just think that you need to take care of yourself a bit more Sammy (the nickname rolling off his tongue effortlessly in his affection for his brother) and that beard needs to go too(that brought a smile to his brother’s face), but I don’t think that there is anybody better for this job than you Sam. (self-deprecatingly) Certainly not me.”
Cas looked at both brothers carefully, He could see the pride and confidence and self -assurance built in Sam with dean’s words, he could see Sam wanting to move forward and take that step to close this chasm that has been created between the two brothers and he could see the young man restricting himself.
Sam stopped and said after considering his words for a moment, “ then why go on hunts alone Dean? And those hunts, (sternly) we do need to talk about their outcome”
Dean huffed and looked at Sam and answered simply, “ I am fine Sam, I have been doing this since I was 8. (Cas really wanted to say something about that) And the outcome was that I killed the bastard. All done.”
Sam took a breath and wanted to discuss more but then there were voices coming from outside and Sam just said through his eyes “ this isn’t over” before leaving to his team.
Cas and Dean were left behind and Cas didn’t know what he could say right now so he just said, “ I’ll go with him, but you tell me before going on a hunt if you are planning to.”
Dean rolled his eyes exaggeratedly before moving into the empty kitchen to prepare his breakfast with a “ sure CAS”.