Work Text:
Friday, 15:33
“So is everything alright again with you and Kiki?” Jonas asked as the four of them left the school building. The cloak from his Harry Potter costume billowed behind him in the wind.
“I think so, yeah,” Carlos replied and snuffled, taking his red baseball cap off to smooth down his hair. Almost nobody had gotten his costume at first, but then again, the outfit of T.J. from Disney's Recess was pretty lowkey. “I apologized. I mean, what else am I supposed to do? I'm getting desperate over here, it's been two weeks since we hooked up!”
“You want her to be the cathetus, don't you?” Abdi said mockingly and Carlos replied with a sarcastic laugh in return.
Matteo walked next to Jonas down the sidewalk, trying to tune out his friends' conversation. He couldn't stop worrying about this evening.
“And you, huh, Matteo? How's Sara?” Carlos then said and Matteo almost stopped walking.
“Uh, good,” he recovered after a moment but from the boys' confused looks, he knew he hadn't been really convincing. “I mean, we haven't done it a lot. It's nice.”
“It'S nIcE,” Abdi mocked him and laughed. The pants of his Aladdin costume rustled in the wind and just like this, with Abdi wearing his usual jacket against the cold, he looked very hilarious.
Carlos laughed too and exclaimed, “Dude, are you gay or something?! Sex is humankind's best invention!”
Matteo almost froze again, but this time, he saw that Jonas noticed. He didn't meet his eye, but Jonas turned to Carlos and Abdi and said, “Humans didn't invent sex, you idiot!” to cover the awkward silence.
“Eh, whatever dude!” Carlos brushed it off with a shrug of his shoulders. “Still the best thing in the world.”
“Yeah!” Abdi agreed and the two high-fived. Jonas just shook his head with a chuckle.
“Alright boys, this is me,” Jonas said as they reached the bus stop and they said goodbye, Carlos and Abdi heading in the direction of the tram station, and Matteo walking in the opposite direction. If he had to name one perk of living in the WG, he might've said its short distance from the school. It was a ten minute drive with his bike so even if he overslept, he could still manage to arrive at school in time. Someone had stolen his saddle yesterday though, so today, he had to walk. Fishing his earphones out of the pocket of his jacket, he plugged them into his phone and started the music. Every sound from the world around him was drowned out it, as were his thoughts. For the first time today, he wasn't worried about this evening, and the fact that the sun was out and the first leaves appeared on the trees and bushes lifted his spirits a bit as well.
He hadn't been on his way for more than ten minutes when he spotted someone kneeling on the sidewalk a bit in front of him and as he kept walking, he recognized the fluff of hair and his heart did a little jump in his rib cage. Or a few big jumps that got his blood pumping in a way he definitely did not appreciate. He slowed down, contemplating if he should just change the side of the street and continue his way as usual, or if he should do what his heart wanted more than anything else. His heart's desire or the easy way or... heart's desire or easy way... heart's desire or easy... heart's desire...
“Hey,” he said, taking out his earphones, as he stopped behind David, who looked around at the sound of his voice.
“Oh, hi,” he replied and stared at Matteo for a moment before he went back to going through his backpack. Matteo observed this as he walked around David to see what he was doing more clearly.
“What's wrong?” he asked, slightly bouncing on the balls of his feet with nervous energy, when David didn't acknowledge his presence any further. Books, files, single pens and a bottle of water were strewn across the sidewalk already and David looked like he was about to turn his bag upside down to empty it completely before he looked up at Matteo again.
“I, uh... I think I lost my keys.”
Matteo kept looking at David as he sighed and started to put everything back into his bag and shouldered it, standing up. He bit his lip.
“You could call you parents?” Matteo suggested after a beat, trying to think of something to help.
“My dad's working out of town until next week and my mom just started her shift,” David explained and looked up and down the street.
“Can't you text her and ask if you can pick up the key?”
David shook his head. “She wouldn't see it. Well, not before her break, anyway.”
“And your grandparents...?” Matteo then asked, letting the question hang in the air. David shrugged.
“I don't have any other family in Berlin.”
Matteo pursed his lips. He opened his mouth to suggest something else, trying to think of something, but nothing came to him. Except...
“You could come over to my place.”
David blinked at him, his mouth falling open just a tiny bit, before the smallest smile lifted the corners of his mouth.
“Yeah... I mean, if that's alright,” he replied nervously, the smile faltering a bit.
“Of course,” Matteo said, hoping that the heat he felt in his cheeks wasn't visible to David, and he ran his fingers through his hair as a distraction. “Come on.”
Their eyes met for another moment before Matteo set into motion, David joining his side. A minute or so they walked in silence and Matteo couldn't help but notice the lack of space between them. The sidewalk definitely offered more space, but David walked so close that their hands almost brushed against another on more than one occasion. Matteo took a deep breath, careful not to make any noise doing so, as his knees grew weak, similar to how they had done yesterday when he had seen David in school.
“So, last day of school, huh?” Matteo then asked, not being able to stand the silence any longer. He glanced at David, who was already looking at him. Adrenaline shot through his veins.
“Yeah, I mean, finally,” David said, rather flatly. Matteo looked at him properly to find him staring at the sidewalk.
“Same,” Matteo replied because yeah, same. Hard same.
The silence returned and they kept walking, keeping the same non-existent distance between them. Matteo was sure if there were no cars and other noises around, David would be able to hear his heartbeat.
“I saw you didn't dress up for the Mottowoche either,” David then said and looked over at Matteo, one eyebrow raised.
“Nah, it's stupid,” Matteo replied truthfully. David agreed wordlessly. “Jonas, Carlos and Abdi tried to get me to dress up as well but fuck that shit.”
David smiled at him and Matteo almost fell over his own feet but managed to catch himself at the last moment.
“What would you have gone as if you had, though?” David asked, glancing at him. Matteo kicked a bottle cap that lay on the sidewalk and sent it skidding onto the street.
Matteo let the air fizzle out between his lips while he thought about this question. “I don't know. Maybe...” He thought about all the shows and movies he had watched as a kid. “Maybe Lucky Luke. Or Shaggy, from Scooby Doo.”
David chuckled. “Shaggy fits.”
“Hey! What's that supposed to mean?!” Matteo asked waggishly. David just shrugged his shoulders with a smirk. Matteo stopped himself from reaching out to bop David's arm with his fist and instead asked, “What about you?”
“Timmy Turner,” David said confidently. Matteo raised his eyebrows in silent question. “Elfish godparents who make your every wish come true? Is there anything better? Plus, I got the hair for it.” With this, he shook the hair out of his eyes with a dramatic movement that made Matteo laugh. Actually, truly, happy laugh.
“That's true,” he agreed when he stopped laughing and held his stomach. “I wonder how you would've looked in the outfit though.”
Cautiously, he awaited David's reaction. He knew he was close to saying too much, to admitting something, to crossing a line. But for now, it seemed like he was still safe.
“Well, you'll never know,” David simply retorted and Matteo shook his head at this audacity.
They kept talking about everything they watched in their childhood from One Piece to Indiana Jones to Phineas and Ferb until they arrived at the WG. They climbed the stairs and Matteo unlocked the door the apartment, entering with David at his heel.
“My flatmates are gone for the day, so... make yourself at home,” Matteo said with a bittersweet feeling inside because he did want this to become a second home for David... for them... But he would never say so.
He kicked his shoes off in the hallway and headed for his room but wavered a moment when he was about to open the door. He knew the state his room was in when he left it this morning. It wasn't pretty. He turned to David who stood behind him. “Sorry about the mess you're about to see.”
“It's okay,” David said and even though Matteo didn't really believe him, there was nothing else to do but continue on. He pushed down the door handle and went inside his room. Throwing his backpack into a corner, he sped over to the armchair and picked up his dirty clothes he had thrown on it the night before when he went to bed. After he dumped them into one of the empty moving boxes that still door around, he threw away from trash from the couch table and moved the grinder from there to his bedside table.
“Matteo, I really don't mind,” David said, stopping Matteo in his tracks and causing him to turn around.
“Uh, okay,” Matteo said and stopped smoothing out his duvet. David looked around his room and Matteo couldn't believe that there was actually someone in his world who made him worry about the state of his room.
“Do you have something to eat?” David asked rather hesitantly after a moment as both of them still stood around awkwardly.
“Uh... maybe,” Matteo said, shrugging. “Let's see.”
Together they went to the kitchen where Matteo raided the cupboards of his flatmates. Finally, in Linn's, he found some toast.
“Hello Linn,” David said, reading the label on the cupboard door, and when Matteo looked at him out of the corner of his eye, he saw a sly smile on his face. He chuckled.
“I think that name fits me way better,” Matteo joked as he went over to the fridge to take out the cheese he had on his shelf, and the ketchup that stood in the door. “This okay?” he asked, holding both of it up.
David nodded. “Mhm.”
So Matteo grabbed the sandwich maker from the communal cupboard, plugged it in and started making the sandwiches, and soon both of them had three sandwiches on their plates with which they sat down on his bed when they went back into his room.
“Can I put on some music?” David asked before he bit into his first sandwich.
“Uh, sure,” Matteo agreed and so he pulled his phone out of his pocket and started a song. It was upbeat, but sounded rather old to Matteo.
“What is this?” he asked, taking another bite. David froze, looking at him with his sandwich hanging in the air in front of his mouth.
“The reason why Detroit is the best music city. Motown,” he said matter-of-factly, as if everyone in the world knew this for a fact.
“Motown?” Matteo asked, knitting his eyebrows. He didn't mean to sound ignorant or uneducated, because he truly was interested in this.
“You know Motown,” David stated and skipped a few songs. The first notes played and Matteo did indeed recognize it.
“That's from Guardians Of The Galaxy!” he pointed out, earning him an approving smile from David.
“Marvin Gaye. He's one of the most popular ones,” David explained. “There's so much more though.”
The music kept playing as they ate their sandwiches, Marvin Gaye followed by the Jackson Five and Stevie Wonder. To each song and artist, David mentioned a small fact or info, and Matteo couldn't help but marvel at it. The passion with which David spoke sparked something inside him.
“Okay, you showed me something you love, then I wanna, too,” he said and David's eyes shone with excitement.
“Yes please.”
Matteo didn't hesitate. He grabbed his laptop from his desk and booted it, opening YouTube in his browser when it had finished starting. He typed in the name of the video he was looking for, thinking to himself why he hadn't downloaded it yet. David paused his music.
“Welcome to what's going on in my mind 24/7,” Matteo said, and clicked on the video.
“There's only thing worse than a rapist... BOOM.”
“A child,” David said in the exact same tone of voice as the dude from the vine with a big grin while he looked at Matteo. Matteo in turn stared at him, feeling like he might have to lie down for a second. Well, maybe more like a minute or ten. David knew vines. And, rationally, Matteo knew that this wasn't weird, him and all of his friend referenced them all the time, but still. David knew vines. “I can't believe vines is what you love,” David said and laughed as Jared said that he never fucking learned how to read.
“We don't allow vine slander in this house,” Matteo said, not able to keep the grin from sneaking onto his face. David chuckled.
“Certainly,” he replied and took a bite from his sandwich. Matteo followed suit.
Like this they sat until they had both eaten their sandwiches, the vines running in the background. Matteo looked over at his nightstand and saw the grinder standing on it.
“I'm rolling a joint. Do you want to smoke too?” he asked, looking at David again. His lips curved into a grin.
“Yeah.”
Matteo put away their plates, gathered his supplies and got to work. Pape. Filter. Weed. Tobacco. Roll. Lick. Roll. He knew his joints looked like someone with only three fingers had rolled them, but he didn't care.
“You know what they say: it's the inside that counts,” David said sarcastically and Matteo playfully shoved him with his foot. David shoved back.
“I can smoke this by myself too, you know,” Matteo said and stood up to open the window and get the ashtray from the window sill. When he settled back down on the bed, David gave him puppy eyes, and Matteo seriously contemplating dropping to the floor at the sight of it. He allowed himself to get lost in David's eyes for a moment before he pulled himself together and said, “But I'm not that mean.”
David's face changed to a smile. Matteo tore himself away from the sight and put the joint between his lips, lighting it up. He took two drags and held it over to David.
“What's your favorite vine then?” David asked after his first drag, waving his hand to get rid of the smoke.
“The Yoyo Man,” Matteo replied without missing a beat. David stuck out his tongue slightly between his lips, squinting quizzically, before taking another drag and handing the joint to Matteo.
“A classic.”
“Oh, you know it?” Matteo asked, blowing the smoke into the air. “I feel like it's rather obscure. But it's so weird, I just love it.”
“Yeah no, I get it,” David agreed and took the joint when Matteo offered it back after his second drag. “Mine's anything from Thomas Sander's story times.”
“So you're the wholesome vines type,” Matteo concluded and David nodded.
“Bro I had a dream we fucked,” suddenly sounded from his laptop's speakers and Matteo froze. He forgot that this vine was in that compilation. David took another drag from the joint and quickly looked out the window and Matteo was glad about it. This was a bit much. Just another second, Matteo told himself, and the vine is over. And then, thankfully, it was. “Road work ahead?”
“Yeah, I sure hope it does!” David talked along and laughed when he was done, holding the joint out to Matteo. Their fingers touched as he took it back. He wished David wouldn't let go, but he did, and the loss of their skin contact made Matteo desperate to get it back. A sudden idea struck him.
“Hey, uhm,” Matteo started as the compilation kept running (“I saw you hanging out with Caitlyn yesterday”). He took a drag to calm his nerves. He couldn't believe he was about to ask this, but he kept remembering why he had stopped to talk to David on the sidewalk. Heart's desire. David looked at him expectantly. “Let's do a shotgun hit.”
“What's that?” David asked, tilting his head a bit. Matteo's mouth fell open slightly; he had expected David to know, but this was actually better.
“I take a hit,” he said as he did so, just a tiny one. “And then you come close and I exhale in front of your mouth so that you can inhale the smoke.” He was perfectly aware that a proper shotgun hit was followed by a kiss, but he wouldn't – couldn't – go this far.
David blinked at him a few times before he nodded. “Okay.”
“Okay.”
Matteo took another drag, long and deep, filling his mouth with smoke. He held it inside as David scooted closer, his knees bumping against Matteo's legs, and leaner in. Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. Matteo had not thought this through enough. His heartbeat was thumping in his ears and every feeling was elevated, but there was no backing out now. So Matteo leaned in too and brought up his hands to hold them around his mouth to stop the smoke from escaping. David came even closer, and placed his mouth on the other side of Matteo's hands.
They stared right into each other's eyes when he exhaled, some of the smoke swirling between them where it slipped through the gaps. Matteo took down his hands, but neither of them moved for another moment until David exhaled as well and leaned back.
“Nice,” he said, still not taking his eyes off of Matteo.
“Yeah,” Matteo replied breathlessly. His heart was beating so fast, he was sure he was about to pass out, even more so because David's legs still pressed against his own and it didn't seem like that would change anytime soon.
Suddenly the doorbell rang, ending the moment abruptly.
“Shit,” Matteo cursed, looking in the general direction of the front door and putting the joint down in the ashtray.
“What?” David asked and Matteo looked over at him again.
“I totally forgot I invited Sara over.” David's face fell and Matteo's heart sunk. God fucking shit. Fuck. FUCK. “I'm sorry, I...”
“I'll leave, it's alright,” David said, his voice cold, and stood up from the bed. Matteo knitted his brows in agony. He didn't know what to say. There was nothing to say. Fuck. He had fucked it all up. David picked up his jacket and backpack and turned around one last time before he opened the door. “ I'll see myself out. See you at school.”
Matteo watched as David left, leaving the door open, and he heard as he opened the front door and Sara's surprise at coming face to face with David, here, of all places. He paused the vine compilation, ironically during the “Two bros, chilling in a hot tub” one, as he heard Sara's footsteps coming closer.
“Hey!” she said when she entered his room and came over to the bed to lean down and kiss him. Everything inside Matteo screamed and squirmed at the contact, but he just submitted to it, not finding it in him to reciprocate the kiss. Sara looked at him concerned when she pulled back. “Everything alright?”
“Mhm,” Matteo lied and dropped his gaze. He couldn't believe this was happening right now.
“Sooo,” Sara said in that sickly-sweet voice as sat down in the exact same spot David had just been in and took Matteo's hands. He tried for half a smile when he looked up at her but as he did so, he knew that this was wrong. All of this was wrong. And then Sara, instead of saying anything else and obviously encouraged by his smile, leaned over and kissed him again, forceful enough that she pressed him backwards onto the mattress. Matteo screwed up his face. Shit. Fuck. Fuck. Her fingers started to go places he really didn't want them to be, skin against skin. Sara only pulled back for a moment to take off her shirt, revealing her polka-dotted pink bra. Matteo stared at it. Too late did he realize that she'd interpret this wrong too, same as the smile. And indeed, she closed the space between them with a happy smile before starting to kiss his neck. Matteo stared at the ceiling.
“Sara,” he finally said as she shoved up his shirt, half of his torso already bare. “Sara,” he repeated when she didn't stop. She looked up at him with wide eyes, her cheeks flushed. “I have to... uh... piss.”
“Oh,” she said, pulling back. “Well, don't leave me waiting too long!” she called as he stood up hastily, practically running to the bathroom. He locked the door behind him and slumped against it, sinking to the floor. He hid his face in his arms.
He couldn't forget David's face. His eyes when they had been close enough to kiss, the warmth of his skin seeping into his own skin where they had touched. His smile which did something to Matteo's heart that he couldn't quite explain. He only knew that he'd do basically everything to see it again.
But now he had most likely fucked it all up. He still saw David's expression before his inner eye, the way his eyes had looked just so sad, and his voice... oh God, his voice. Matteo screwed his eyes closed and tried to swallow the lump that was forming in his throat.
Knock, knock.
“Matteo?” Sara's voice came muffled through the door. He grabbed fistfuls of his hair to keep himself from screaming at her to leave, because he knew how horrible it felt to be on the receiving end of it. Instead, a silent sob clawed its way through his throat. Sara called his name again, more forcefully, and rattled the door handle. “What's wrong?”
Matteo dropped his head against the door, trying to take a deep breath. His face felt too hot, his insides too big, his skin too thin. He was aching all over and he caught himself wondering if that's how Jonas had felt when Hanna and him had broken up. Maybe. Probably.
Matteo thought back to when he had seen David kneeling on the sidewalk. To when he had agreed to come over here. To when they had talked and talked and talked about everything and nothing. To when they had almost kissed...
With a sigh, Matteo pushed himself up and unlocked the door before lowering himself into the bathtub. He didn't know why, he just knew he didn't want to go back to his room.
Sara opened the door and shuffled inside, still only in her bra. Matteo looked away and down at his knees as Sara sat down on the closed toilet. Matteo squeezed his eyes shut and bit the inside of the lip, trying to bring himself to say what he had to say.
“Matteo, what's –”
“I can't sleep with you, Sara,” he pressed out between his lips, each word paining him.
“What?” she replied after a beat, the confusion clear in her voice.
“I can't. Sleep. With You,” Matteo said again, more slowly but without any aggression.
“Why?” Matteo took a few more breaths. Fuck, this was so much harder than he thought. He took another breath, preparing, and failing, to say what was on his mind when he heard Sara scoff. “Are you gay or what?!”
Matteo's head snapped up, his eyes on her. Her face was screwed up in anger, her chest flushed. But as soon as she saw the look on his face, her eyes grew wide.
“You are, aren't you?” she whispered, horrified at what she had just spit at him, and clasped her hands over her mouth. Matteo gulped and dropped his head back down and, after a moment, managed to nod.
Now it was out there. He couldn't believe he'd come out first to Sara, of all people.
Neither of them said anything for a few minutes. The words still hung in the space between them, both of them hurting.
“It's him you're into, isn't it?” Sara finally whispered, sadness dripping from each word, and Matteo couldn't help but look at her because of what she had just said.
“What?” He prayed to God he had misheard what she had just said.
“David,” Sara explained and Matteo gulped. He knew even if he didn't say anything, she'd knew. She already did. Matteo looked away, full of guilt, and Sara sprung up from the toilet. “I should have know! The way you too look at each other all the time! Fuck!” she called and stormed out of the bathroom and Matteo climbed out of the bathtub in a panic.
“Sara!”
“I should've known!” she called again, almost in his room, and he knew she was close to crying from the way her voice broke. He caught up with her and grabbed her wrist to stop her, but she wound it from his grip as she turned around to face him. There were tears running down her face and the sight of them broke Matteo's heart. “Just tell me you didn't... you didn't... do anything.”
Her lips trembled with the tears she held back and Matteo knew there was nothing he could do to make this better.
“No,” he replied truthfully. “But... I never wanted this to happen, Sara, you have to believe me.”
Another silent tear ran down her cheek and she brushed it away.
“But it did happen,” she said and he thought she tried to sound angry, but it only came out woeful.
“I'm sorry.”
Sara shook her head, still close to crying. “Don't.”
With this, she went to pick up her top and put it back on, then grabbed her jacket and squeezed past Matteo through the door. He watched her as she went into the hallway, put on her shoes, opened the front door and left, pulling it shut with a deafening bang. Matteo stood rooted to the spot, staring down the hallway, his world upside down.
He really fucked up, didn't he?