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Double the Trouble
“Something’s gone wrong.” Q commented.
“What?” Jen wondered, putting a cup of tea down next to Q as she looked over his shoulder at his laptop. They had known each other for years, ever since Uni and they were both computer geniuses, always trying to one-up each other. One would build up a firewall for someone major and the other would try to crack it, just to see who was better. Q usually won, but it didn’t spoil the game.
“Someone’s trying to get into MI6…”
“And it’s not me?” Jen wondered, scrunching her eyes and sitting on Q’s desk.
“Stop that, you know I don’t like you on my desk.”
“I’m not going to make it collapse.”
“You might with all of those sweets you’ve been eating.”
“Says the man who eats nothing but sweets.”
“I don’t gain weight though.” Q teased.
“Quintavious—”
“I’ll kill you for that, Jennifer.”
“Then don’t call the lady in the room fat.” Jen said, slapping him across the back of his head as he worked.
“You have gained weight though.”
“Only where it counts… Maybe I’ll be able to seduce a man now.”
“Yes, good luck with that with you’re gay roommate always around. Half of them think I’m your brother and the other half think I’m your boyfriend.”
“Well I think you’re my wingman. You can find a man you wish was gay and send him my way. And believe me woman can find all of the perfect gay men they can’t date.” Jen sighed heavily.
“Unless my good looks turn them to the dark side, then you’re out a shag.” Q commented, still typing.
“Oh…good point. You are demoted, no longer my wingman.” Jen sighed. “So…what do they want?”
“Nothing good.” Q shrugged.
“Let’s shut them down, hacking MI6 is our gig, can’t have someone else stealing it.” Jen said, sitting down at her laptop and working alongside Q. “I’ve got defense, you get offense.”
“I’ll follow him, you fix the holes, cage him, then I’ll destroy him.”
“Sounds like fun.” Jen smiled. It took two minutes to completely freeze up the hacker’s plans of blowing up MI6 and one more minute to make it impossible for the hacker to ever use the equipment he had again.
“We should get paid for this.”
“If you would have taken you’re brother’s job—”
“Not fucking interested.” Q glared at her over his computer and she held up her hands in surrender. The Holmes’ were a no-go subject—especially Mycroft. “Shall we leave MI6 a note?”
“If you want.” Jen shrugged.
You’re welcome. –Q
It was simple, to the point, and had everything about the hacker attached to it, anyone with half a brain would find the imbedded information. “Well, my work is done. Drinks?”
“Do I get to bring a man home?”
“Only if you find one for me, too.” Q winked.
“Fuck it, let’s drink and end up single and alone, as per usual.”
“We’re not alone, just not…you know.”
“How does a cutie like you not have a boyfriend? Ha! Q-T. Get it?”
“Yes, I get your pathetic attempt at a joke.” Q rolled his eyes.
“Don’t be like that, sweetie.”
“Then don’t crack silly jokes that I’ve heard a million times.” Q sighed, grabbing his coat. “Let’s go…I doubt our hacker will be able to do much of anything for a good long while.”
800Q8
Jen was sitting next to Q at the bar when Q noticed them in the corner. He ran a hand through his hair slowly and Jen winked back at him. A moment later a blonde sat on Q’s right and a dirty-blonde man sat on Jen’s left. “Hello, sexy.”
“I don’t think so.” Jen said to the man next to her.
“Would beautiful suit better?” The man asked. Jen turned towards him and smiled.
“That’s a better start.” Jen flirted back.
“Can I buy you a drink?” The handsome blonde asked, looking at Q with sparkling blue eyes that made Q want to fall apart. At least MI6 was good and sent perhaps the best looking man in the world to flirt with him…those eyes were more than enough to make up for any flaw that he could possibly have. He was ruggedly handsome and strong…and blonde. He was Q’s type, through and through. Q wondered if they’d talked to Mycroft to figure it out or if they’d taken a shot in the dark.
“I don’t take drinks from strangers.” Q commented. The man smiled a charming smile and held out his hand.
“James Bond.” His smile was sinfully charming as the man managed to convince Jen out onto the dance floor.
“Q.” Q said, shaking his hand, feeling the callouses from where he held his gun. The man was no stranger to killing.
“Q?”
“Just Q. Embarrassing first name, not something I’d ever admit to anyone.”
“Nice to meet you, Q.” James smiled. “Well, can’t say we’re strangers now, can we?”
“I suppose not.” Q agreed. James ordered two drinks.
“She your friend or your wing-girl?”
“A little bit of both. Mostly she’s the sister I never had.”
“Ah, she seemed like a spitfire.”
“Oh, she is. Never met a person who could stand up against her and come out unscathed, except me. Your friend might want to be careful.”
“He’s pretty tough.” James shrugged.
“She’s tougher.” Q smirked. “You’re military, judging by your appearance. Ex-navy perhaps?”
“That’s spot on.” James sounded slightly surprised.
“I’m pretty good at reading people. It runs in the family.”
“And I’m guessing you have the highest IQ on this block?”
“Try the entire city…though, two people might argue with that statement.” Q said, cursing his brothers. Sherlock was better at solving things, Mycroft was brilliant, but Q…Q was more, even though they always tried to belittle him—especially Mycroft. With him it was always: I’m the smart one and Don’t take those things apart and Can’t you do something practical in life rather than tinkering? Of course, then Mycroft would beg (as much as any Holmes ever did) for Q to work for him. Q refused. He’d suffered enough belittling at Mycroft’s hand to ever work for the man.
“Do people with extremely high IQ’s and charming smiles dance?” James wondered. Q looked up and smiled slightly.
“Depends on what type of dance you want.” Q responded flirtatiously. James’ eyes widened slightly.
“I may take you up on that.”
“I may let you.”
800Q8
Jen and Alec left first, Jen hanging off of Alec’s arm, looking pleasantly tipsy. Q “convinced” James to come back to his flat. It didn’t take much. They ended up just inside the flat before James pressed Q against the wall, kissing him senseless. Q had to admit, he was pretty much perfect. Q smiled into the kiss, sliding his hands down James’ sides, pulling him closer and switching their positions, pressing James to the wall, his hands settling on the small of his back.
“Nice try.”
“Nice try what?” James asked before Q managed to slip the blade out of James’ trousers and press it against his throat. “MI6, really? We saved you and you send assassins after us? No—correction—double-os? Sorry, but I don’t think that’s really appropriate. I mean, maybe chocolate or tea. But an assassin? Really?”
“You don’t want to do that.” James said, taking a step forward. Q took one back, one hand on James’ throat, the other pressing the blade against the other side of his throat. James’ hands had settled on Q’s neck. “I could snap your neck.”
“Want to see who pulls the trigger first? Do you really want to test me?”
“You couldn’t.”
“I grew up surrounded by sociopaths. If you end up dead, there will be no guilt, you are the one who chose to die after all.”
“I wouldn’t do it. You’re outnumbered.” Alec said, walking into the room, his arm around Jen’s neck a gun pointed at Q. Jen looked suitably terrified.
“Please, just let me go.”
“We’re not here to hurt you, shut up.” Alec said.
“You alright?” Q asked and winked. Jen elbowed Alec, took his gun and flipped him over her back. He slammed onto the ground and she put her heel on his throat, pointing the gun at him.
“I’m fine.” She winked. “Don’t move your hands darling, I would hate to ruin such talented fingers.” She flirted at him.
“Really, Jen?”
“What? He’s gorgeous. Can I keep him?”
“Only if we don’t die, Jen. What do you want from us?” Q demanded.
“We’re here to make sure you’re not terrorists.” Alec commented.
“And to bring you in if you are and if you aren’t.”
“Why?” Q asked.
“Well, if you’re terrorists they’ll deal with you, if you’re not they’ll try to hire you… We have openings.” James stated.
“Did my brother put you up to this? Is this his way to try to reel me in? I’m not bloody well working for him and I damn well won’t let Jen work for him either. He’s a dick.”
“Brother?”
“You don’t know who I am?” Q wondered.
“No…” James said.
“Q?” Jen wondered.
“And you?” Q asked, looking at Alec.
“Not a fucking clue. Is it necessary to put your heel into my throat?”
“Down, boy.” Jen commented when he fidgeted, putting a little more weight into it.
“Well, that’s a relief. We’re not terrorists, by the way. Though the man we stopped was.” Q said, flinging the knife into the wall and stepping away from James, wiping off a small line of blood he’d cut into his throat as he backed up. “We’re geniuses. We get bored though, so we have a game. We build up existing systems and challenge the other to get through. It’s fun. Never hurt anyone before…well not England or her allies…can’t say that about their enemies. Mr. Silva would know all about that though.”
“Silva? The hacker?”
“The one who nearly blew up an office in the executive branch of MI6, M’s office. Which probably would have killed your Quartermaster, M, and several other agents judging by the layout of the building. Silva used to work under your current M, but was left to rot. He wants vengeance. So just thank us and leave. He isn’t the first person we’ve saved you from. And…Mr. Bond, I’d get your shoulder looked at. Wouldn’t want that bullet wound to fester much longer.”
“Who are you?” James asked. “Why did you think your brother sent us? Who is he?”
“I’m Quintavious Sherrinford Holmes. Mycroft Holmes is my eldest brother. He’s wanted me to work for him for years. I politely refused by practically destroying every computer he’s ever touched every time he asked.”
“Would you work for MI6?”
“Why would I?”
“We don’t work with Holmes often… You get to do what you want legally. You get to still be Q, we may even have room for an R.” James nodded to Jen.
“Sounds alright to me.” Jen shrugged. “I’m tired of telling people how to turn things on and off.”
“They’re agents, they won’t know much more than that.” Q commented.
“You wound me.” James said, putting a hand over his heart.
“Well, they can’t backstab me… I suppose that’s the one good thing being a Holmes has ever done for me.” Q shrugged and then nodded to Jen. She field stripped the glock in her hand before putting the pieces down and letting Alec up.
“I like a woman who can handle a gun, sexy.” Alec flirted.
“Don’t you mean beautiful?” Jen flirted back with a smirk.
“Fucking gorgeous.” Alec winked. Jen smiled and leaned up on her toes to kiss him, only to pull three more weapons off of him and put them down.
“I dislike having weapons in other people’s hands.” She smiled.
“I think I’m in love, James.” Alec whispered.
“You’re not half-bad yourself.”
“Jen, how do you feel about MI6?”
“Probably better than the deal we were offered for Russia.”
“Russia offered?”
“Why do you imagine we’d live in this slum?” Q scoffed. “We have assassins sent out against us daily for turning people down.”
“You two aren’t uh, you know?”
“Her?” Q asked. “Please, she’s straight and I’m gay, wouldn’t work out. Besides, if she were a man, she wouldn’t be my type.”
“What is you’re type?” James asked out of curiosity. The man was undeniably attractive and smart and resourceful and funny and sexy as hell…and since he wasn’t a terrorist he was fair game…right?
Q looked James up and down slowly and smirked. “You’re why I thought Mycroft sent you…he knows my type.” Q said before walking out of the flat, Jen following him. “We going to MI6 or what? I suspect M’s waiting up, and we’ve got a terrorist to catch and I know where he is. We should get going.” Q smiled as he and Jen walked down the hallway, out of sight.
“We’re fucked.”
“Yeah.” James nodded in agreement.
“I mean…really. She’s brilliant. I want to keep her.”
“He’s…he’s something else.”
“Yeah…I think I’d settle down if she asked me to.”
“She’d tell you what to do. I think she was raised in the Amazon.”
“What can I say? I like a strong woman.”
“Apparently, I like boffins with hair and glasses…and a sinfully lush—”
“Come on, lover boys.” Jen and Q called. Both of the agents took off after the boffins, not needing to be called twice.