Archive of Our Own

   Tony was anxious.

   He was sitting at a small private booth in a restaurant specifically catering to celebrities and the wealthy looking for privacy from press or rabid fans. It was one of Tony’s favourites, with a wonderful atmosphere, sitting comfortably between classy and casual, which was exactly what he wanted for his date.

   He fiddled with the silverware, the cuffs of his jacket, tapped against his cellphone without actively doing anything with it. Stephen was due to arrive at any moment and to say he was looking forward to this would be only half true.

   He had been…courting? Stephen for nearly a month now, trying and failing to progress their friendship past casual flirting and a solid friendship born from their trials on Titan. It hadn’t been intentional at first, just their personalities melding together as natural as breathing, but as Tony spent more and more time with him, he found Stephen constantly on his mind, invading a space that shouldn’t be his just yet.

   Tony had identified the fact that he wanted him, for a variety of reasons. The man was capable of matching his banter and sarcastic remarks without missing a beat, had a maddening and exciting ability to keep his own in intellectual debates, had an ego the size of his own, and was genuinely, surprisingly, refreshingly good.

   Yet, for all that, Tony found himself doubting this move. He had, in a bout of bravery, invited Stephen to this place where his intentions should be incredibly obvious. Except that was two days ago and now he wasn’t so sure.

   He liked Stephen, he wanted to try a relationship with him…but that didn’t change the fact that he didn’t know if he was ready. Pepper and he had broken off the engagement only three months ago, ignoring the fact that they had amicably split not long after the Snap. They were on good terms, they were friends, she had even encouraged his interest with Stephen. Still, that didn’t stop his mind from spinning with possibilities that this could end disastrously, especially if it meant putting their friendship at risk.

   There was the tapping of shoes and the hostess’s quiet voice murmuring ‘right this way,’ and Tony slipped from his seat, heart beating harshly in his chest. The hostess and Stephen came around the small bend, leading to their alcove and Tony felt his breath catch.

   He had yet to see Stephen in anything but his tunic and so seeing the man dressed down for once left Tony speechless. He was wearing slacks with a casual grey button up shirt, perfect for the atmosphere of the restaurant. His black jacket hung open on his long frame and around his throat was a noticeable red scarf that Tony knew immediately had to be the Cloak.

   Stephen hung his jacket and scarf on the back of his chair while the hostess slipped away, and then his beautiful blue/grey eyes were on his, “Tony,” he murmured, with a small smile.

   Tony grinned, “Stephen.”

   In a silence that was somehow comfortable they sat across from one another, Stephen’s elbows coming to rest on the table and expression scrutinizing. Tony didn’t mind in the slightest, because he was doing the same to him, trying to get a feel for how he felt about the whole thing.

   A slow smirk slid onto Stephen’s lips, “this is different.”

   Tony raised an eyebrow, “good different or bad different?”

   He shrugged, “not sure yet.”

   “I’ll take it.”

   In that moment everything eased between them. Stephen leaned back in his chair, as a waiter came forward to deposit some menus and take their drink orders, which Tony took the liberty of ordering a full bottle of wine, not missing the amused gleam in Stephen’s eye.

   Once he had left, Tony found it easy to ask Stephen about his latest developments regarding a relic he had been trying to decode for a week now, listening intently as Stephen explained both the scientific and magical element. The food came, and Stephen inquired about the recent Spider-Man suit upgrade and the recent release of a more economic version of the arc reactor power cell.

   Tony couldn’t remember what he had been so paranoid about, as their conversation flowed no different then it did at the Sanctum. He only realized halfway through one of his explanations that Stephen hadn’t touched his own food, consisting of a steak, vegetables, and rice.

   “Not to your tastes?” he teased, well-aware he and Wong seemed to subsist on cheap take-out.

   Stephen blinked at him before shrugging and glancing about the restaurant, as if needing to make sure nobody was around. Tony watched dumbfounded, as Stephen’s fingers twitched, and a low incantation was muttered below his breath and the steak was suddenly diced into small accessible pieces.

   His trembling hand came up to grip his fork and spear a piece carefully. Stephen glanced at him wearily and Tony wanted to curse himself for being so dumb, so as always, he resorted to humor, “is that why you always eat takeout?”

   Stephen snorted and reached for his glass of wine, his second, just like Tony, “that and the fact that its much more economically viable.”

   “I guess I’ll have to change that,” the words slipping out before he could stop himself.

   Stephen’s gaze turned contemplative again, but he didn’t say anything beyond commenting on the food and Tony found himself relieved.

   Soon enough their plates were empty, and their faces pleasantly flushed from the wine, and they had both agreed to stop. A lull in their conversation had settled between them and Tony had the stray realization that he felt happy. It was a nice change.

   Of course, Stephen with his impeccable timing, chose that moment to bring up the very thing Tony wasn’t ready to talk about.

   He ran a hand through his hair, eyes on him again and Tony was really going to have to get use to that assessing, piercing gaze, “so what exactly is this Tony?”

   The question startled him, though it really shouldn’t have, “I’m not sure what you mean.”

   “Yes, you do,” he said bluntly. “I’m afraid I don’t have direct access to your chaotic thought process so if you don’t mind, I’d like you to spell it out for me.”

   Tony grimaced, rubbing at his eyes harshly and feeling decidedly cornered, though that wasn’t Stephen’s fault. Luckily the man seemed to take pity on him by blowing out an exasperated sigh, he did that a lot with him.

   “Fine, am I right in assuming you don’t usually wine and dine your one-night stands?”

   Tony stared at him incredulously, the tension from earlier dissipating instantly, “you think I just want to fuck you?”

   Stephen shrugged, “Tony, we both know you’re known for being promiscuous and its been awhile since you’ve been laid. It’s not that big of a leap to be honest.”

   That was true on both accounts, but Tony didn’t have to think very hard to know his attraction to Stephen wasn’t simply physical. He absolutely had no interest in having him once or even a dozen times with only surface level affection, he wanted more then more that, much, much more.

   “Well, it’s the wrong leap,” he stated decisively.

   He didn’t miss the way Stephen’s lips twitched with a smile, something soft lighting up his eyes and making Tony feel strangely warm inside, “alright, thought it would be good to check.”

   The waiter came by, gathering their plates and inquiring about dessert, they both turned it down, sensing they both wanted a change of scenery. In silence they gathered their coats, Tony’s card was on file and would pay for the meal automatically.

   Together they slipped into the cool air outside. They were on the cusp of spring, but the wind was still chilly, and they both resorted to pulling their coats closer around themselves as they walked down the darkened street, in the general direction of the Sanctum.

   Stephen seemed to be waiting for him to say something, which he supposes is fair, considering he was the one who suggested the dinner. He found himself speaking without really thinking it through, just spewing the words that were circling in his head.

   “I figured tonight we could just…see, you know? I’m not really a fan of labels, especially with how complicated our lives are and-”

   He was cut off as Stephen stopped, under the light of one of the few streetlamps left and looked down at him with an understanding in his eyes that immediately put Tony at ease, “no labels, got it. We’ll take it slow, see where we end up, keep it just between us for now.”

   Tony blew a sigh of relief while Stephen rolled his eyes, “seriously Tony, I thought you were going to have an aneurysm. I get it, we aren’t exactly compatible, and it be wise to be careful with this…for a variety of reasons.”

   It wasn’t lost on Tony that he meant Pepper and he found himself infinitely grateful, “agreed then. But what did you think of tonight?”

   Stephen grinned, oddly ethereal and downright beautiful in the harsh light of the streetlamp, “I think next time I get to plan the date.”

   It was hard to suppress the shiver that word sent down his spine, “fine, but remember, keeping this between us.”

   Stephen’s eyes sparkled with mischief, “oh don’t worry, there are plenty of private places I can think of.”

   Tony was kept from responding to that by a shrill ringing. For once it wasn’t his phone but Stephen’s, which he took out, glanced at then sighed. He didn’t answer it, instead putting it away and slipping out his sling ring, “duty calls,” he paused a moment before softly. “goodnight.”

   Tony wasn’t exactly sure what came over him in that moment, perhaps it was a night of wine and good company, maybe it was Stephen’s reassurance that there was no expectations, the comfort of knowing that this would just be there’s for awhile, but he reached out for Stephen’s wrist as he began to turn away and reeled him in.

   Stephen came willingly, immediately leaning down when Tony’s hand moved up to cup the back of his neck and tugging him down into a kiss. It was soft, sweet, and Tony swore he could taste the wine on his lips. He felt Stephen inhale and found himself doing the same, taking in the Stephen’s inexplicable peppermint, ink, and parchment scent and reveling in the little hitch in the man’s breath. Stephen’s hands came up to grip his shoulder and cheek, the trembling so distinctly him, that it made Tony want to pull him fully into his arms and just hold him.

   They pulled away with a quiet sigh, Stephen’s eyes half closed and looking at him with a little surprise and a little something like adoration and by god Tony wanted to put that expression there as much as possible.

   They didn’t say anything else as Stephen made a portal and disappeared through it.

   Tony might not be quite ready to call this a relationship, but he thinks that was a pretty good place to start.

---

   This meeting was boring, and Tony swore it was killing him slowly.

   To be fair, by definition, a meeting was always boring, in all his years he had never been to a single meeting that was more exciting then watching paint dry. Steve was at the front of the room with Sam by his side, droning on and on about some new maneuver and schedule they wanted to set up for the new Avenger members and honestly, Tony didn’t give a shit, didn’t even know why he was here.

   Even more inexplicable was the fact that Stephen was there. He wasn’t an Avenger, no matter how hard Steve tried, but he would need to introduce himself and speak on the behalf of Kamar-Taj, to the new Avengers, so there wouldn’t be any nasty surprises should their paths cross.

   Unsurprisingly, Stephen appeared to be equally bored, sitting next to him and looking at the front of the room with barely concealed exasperation. Really, it should be no surprise then, that he decided Stephen would make the perfect distraction.

   Not one of the Avengers in that room knew about their…relationship. They had been on six dates since that first time and as their worlds began to slowly come further together, it was becoming increasingly difficult keeping it just between them. Yet, Tony had quickly learned, they both got a certain kind of excitement from it, from pretending to be nothing more then friends, of knowing behind closed doors they were trying to build something real.

   Tony knew they still had a long way to go though. He found himself picking at Stephen tunic, catching stray pieces of lint, almost imperceptible to anyone else, noted the way Stephen’s back tensed. It didn’t deter him, Tony was known for his inability to sit still and quite honestly it wouldn’t be the first time he did this to whomever sat next to him. He was restless, it was simply a fact.

   Unfortunately, that didn’t amuse him for long, and soon enough Tony found himself playing with Stephen’s hair, petting the strands on at the nape of his neck, occasionally tugging on longer ones and watching with rapt attention at the shivers going down Stephen’s spine.

   He only stopped when there was a hard jab at his foot beneath the table, startling him back into the present.

   Stephen had sent him a glare and Tony just smiled sheepishly. A glance around the small meeting room revealed he hadn’t drawn any attention, everyone half asleep and clearly only thinking about how much longer they would have to endure. Tony decided to tuck his hands into his pockets.

   Luckily, it turned out he only needed to wait another ten before Cap was wrapping up, though it was obviously because of the shifting in the room and not because he was ready to stop. When Stephen shifted toward him in his chair, Tony was unsurprised when Stephen leaned down and hissed quietly, “your office now.”

   Stephen stood and instantly made his way to the front of the room, speaking quietly with Rogers, do doubt about meeting the other Avengers, and Tony found himself going straight for his office, by passing everyone else, which luckily wasn’t unusual behaviour for him.

   He could admit, now that he wasn’t bored out of his skull, that his behaviour was reckless. As much fun as he and Stephen liked to have with the secrecy of their relationship, Tony was far from ready to let anyone else know just yet, even the Avengers…for a variety of reasons that were only just coming to light now.

   The door opened and closed quickly, making Tony look up from where he was leaning against his desk. Stephen’s expression was stormy, eyes narrowed and sparking with…arousal? Tony smirked as Stephen stalked toward him until he was standing only a couple feet away, looking down at him and shaking his head, “you’re insufferable,” he muttered.

   Tony shrugged, “so I’ve been told.”

   Before Stephen could respond, Tony reached out to grip the front of his tunic and yank him into the space between his legs, pressing a hard kiss to his lips. Stephen didn’t hesitate, hands coming up to slide into Tony’s hair and grip his waist in his weak grasp. For Tony’s part he locked a hand down on his neck and immediately begged entrance, sliding his tongue along the seam of their lips. With a low groan, he opened up to him, letting his tongue explore.

   Kissing Stephen never got old, whether it was like this or as simple as a chaste kiss goodbye. There was something about the fact that he couldn’t do it whenever he wanted it, that made it all the sweeter, savouring every moment he could get.

  Stephen drew away, pressing his forehead against Tony’s and breathing harshly, eyes closed. Tony grinned, smoothing Stephen’s tunic while catching his own breath. After a moment or two Stephen pulled back completely looking down at him with dark eyes and flushed skin, “that wasn’t smart either,” he said finally.

   Tony raised an eyebrow, “we’re literally in the privacy of my office.”

   Stephen nodded, “in the compound where the Avengers including Vision who doesn’t know how to use walls, lives.”

   “Right,” Tony gave a sigh. “So, compound off limits then.”

   Stephen was quiet, then he was running trembling fingers lightly along his cheekbone, not quite looking at him, instead following his hand as it made a path from there down, until he was brushing along his neck and making him shiver, “unless you’d like to tell them.”

   It wasn’t a question, it was a statement of fact, a solution to the problem of affection in the compound. Tony frowned, Stephen hadn’t brought it up once since their first date, and he suspected he didn’t really mean it now either, they both weren’t ready. Still, he chose to take the practical route, “with the…situation the way it is, that would probably be a really bad idea.”

   Stephen was quiet, still looking at his hand for a long moment before finally looking up at him, eyes glinting with annoyance at what he was referring to, “you’re right. Fury would probably have a heart attack.”

   The fact was, that while Stephen had been instrumental in the defeat of Thanos, there was still a big question mark on where he and Kamar-Taj stood in relation to the Avengers and Shield. Stephen didn’t see it as an issue, stating clearly that they only got involved with doomsday size issues dealing with reality, alternate dimensions, and the Time Stone. While this should be simplistic enough, it was the fact that Stephen wielded one of the most powerful items in the world and refused to join their organization that was freaking them out.

   They were on shaky ground and revealing a relationship might on the one hand strengthen ties, it would also mean Tony putting up with everyone expecting him to recruit Stephen, which neither wanted to deal with.

   Yes, better to keep it to themselves.

---

   An unexpected problem came about when Peter decided to get himself involved.

   After the Snap and Titan and all the chaos that came out of it, Peter had apparently taken it upon himself to…adopt Stephen, if only because the Sorcerer vehemently rejected his presence for the first few weeks. Peter was relentless, however, and soon enough Tony found the kid splitting his time between the workshop and the Sanctuary, where he moped about not being taught spells.

   Really, Tony should have known the kid would try this bullshit, but it didn’t make it any less exasperating, when one evening when they were in the workshop at their respective tables and out of the blue he turns toward Tony with this serious expression on his face, “do you like Dr. Strange?”

   Tony blinked at him, leaning back against his table and frowning at him, “excuse me?”

   Peter seemed to redden, rubbing the back of his neck and letting his gaze dance around the room, “I was just wondering, like you guys hang out a lot, and I don’t know I was just curious,” he mumbled the last bit.

   Tony ran a hand through his hair. He had no interest in lying to the kid and actually found himself with a strange urge to tell him, except if he did that the world when know within a week, no matter how hard Peter tried to keep it to himself.

   He sighed, “Of course I like him Peter, but whether or not that goes anywhere isn’t really any of your business.”

   He didn’t say it with anything, but sincerity and Peter didn’t seem offended, simply shrugging and going back to his project with only, “ok, but I think you guys would be good together.”

   For some reason his words made Tony’s eyes sting and he had to stare at his computer for several minutes.

   He told Stephen about the short interaction when they were laying together in bed, naked and satiated, with Stephen resting his head on his chest, hot breath ghosting across the arc reactor and filling him with pleasant little tingles.

   Stephen was silent afterwards, fingers absently tracing the scars on his chest and Tony got the distinct sense he wasn’t particularly happy. He ran a hand through Stephen’s sweaty disheveled hair, petting at him gently, “what’s wrong?”

   Stephen didn’t answer for a solid minute before letting out a quiet sigh, “so if the kid asks me, I should lie?”

   Tony frowned, “not lie, just creative truth telling,” he tried to joke.

   Stephen suddenly shifted away a little bit, sitting himself up on his elbow so he could look Tony in the eyes. He was beautiful in the soft lighting of the Sanctuary bedroom, a gentle glow to his flushed face, his expression lax but for the earnest curiosity in his eyes.

   “How much longer are we going to do this?” he asked quietly.

   Tony tensed, feeling explicably cornered all of a sudden. Their relationship had just passed the five-month mark and besides the occasional unserious comment, Stephen seemed perfectly fine with maintaining their privacy.

   Stephen seemed to read his discomfort easily, strangely good at recognizing his emotions even after such a short time, “quit panicking, I don’t mean you should go and announce it right now,” Stephen clarified with a roll of his eyes. “I’m just looking to understand. Most of the reasons we had at the start aren’t a problem anymore and I want to figure out what you’re thinking.”

   Tony swallowed thickly, found himself unable to stand the small distance between them and reached out to loosely grab one of Stephen’s hands, mindful of the aching joints as he spoke, “you don’t want to hide it anymore?”

   Stephen frowned, seemingly choosing his words carefully, “I’m saying that I wouldn’t mind, but only if you’re ready. And if you aren’t, I just want to know why.”

   Tony nodded before tugging at Stephen until he let out an amused huff and let himself be dragged back into Tony’s arms, his body stretched out against the length of him. He looked over Stephen’s head, eyes fixated on the mantle piece at the far end of the room, while he began a soothing stroking of Stephen’s back.

   He spoke slowly, weighing the words as they came out, “I have a lot of stuff going on right now in my life, demanding things from me. I feel like I never have anything just for me, no matter how hard I try. Between the Company, Shield, Press, and the Avengers, it feels like my life, my actions, hell even my inventions are never my own anymore.”

   Tony leaned down to press a hard kiss to Stephen’s head, squeezing the man in his arms for a moment, “its nice, really really nice to have something that is just mine, that I don’t have to share and listen to opinions on, because the only ones that matter are ours. After how public the shit with Pepper was, I don’t need or want that again, I’m not ready for it.”

   He waited in tense silence for several minutes until Stephen tilted his head in, pressing a kiss to his chest, right next to the reactor, “ok,” he whispered. “Ok.”

---

   It was nice, to be in an agreement with each other, to be on the same page and Tony for once in his life was getting points for communication. At first. Unsurprisingly, as they grew closer, they spent more time together, no matter how much they wanted to keep it private.

   Tony learned quickly just how naïve he was to think keeping that part of their relationship private meant he could avoid opinions and questions and all that stupid shit. Nearly a month after that conversation, Tony sat at his desk in Stark Industries for once, trying and failing to make their way through a pile of paperwork that required both his and Pepper’s signature.

   He was in favour of just signing it all and being done with it, but Pepper seemed to think he needed to know exactly what he was signing in excruciating detail, as if she would ever let him do something damaging to the company.

   Pepper was rubbing at her eye in an endearing mix of exasperation and irritation, leaning back in her chair across from his and all but declaring defeat, just like Tony wanted, when she called a break, having one of the PA’s bring in their lunch.

   She blew a sigh, “I’d say you should take this more seriously, but then I know you too well.”

   Tony rolled his eyes, “there is a reason why I made you CEO, specifically so I don’t need to deal with this bullshit anymore.”

   “Tony, you still have a major stake in this company whether you like it or not, especially since its your inventions keeping it alive.”

   He didn’t really have much to say to that, wandering if maybe he should stop doing that and leave it to the mediocre check team for awhile.

   Pepper seemed to sense his reluctance to speak about the business any more and apparently saw it as an invitation to move onto other things, “so,” she said after a minute. “How have you been with Stephen?”

   He blinked at her, forgetting for a moment, that she knew about his interest if not the relationship, “fine,” he said shortly.

   She raised an eyebrow, “just fine?”

   “Yes.”

   Pepper bit her lip for a moment, frowning, “I thought you said-”

   “Pepper,” he cut her off, annoyed. “Why do you care?”

   She narrowed her eyes at him, sensing his attitude before softening, “because I still want you to be happy and as little as I’ve interacted with him…I think he could be good for you. Especially after seeing how you are together.”

   There was no rhyme or reason to it, but Tony felt himself stiffen, weary of her words, disliking the implication that he needed to be looked after, that he needed someone to make him better. Technically, he knew that wasn’t what she was saying, but it still made him uncomfortable.

   Her words stuck with him.

   That evening when he and Stephen sat in his study at the Sanctuary, actually working for once to decode a piece of alien technology discovered off the coast of Bali, he found himself watching the man.

   Stephen was…as close to perfect as you could get from another human being. They worked well together, got along in a way that was both soothing and exciting, understood each other on a level he could achieve with few others.

   Why then was he so hesitant to just…let people know?

   Tony had a list of problems a mile long, everything from PTSD to daddy issues that he was always struggling with. Stephen had his own problems of that nature, yet he always seemed so…collected in a way he both envied and hated.

   He supposes there was some part of him that felt like he didn’t deserve the man before him, some tiny little voice saying he hadn’t earned him. It was only made worse by the fact that he seemed unable to give Stephen want he wanted.

   They were going on six months and Tony would have to be blind or stupid to not notice the subtle hints Stephen dropped, the quiet longing in his eyes. He understood that with making their relationship public there came with it a sense of security, of commitment.

   But that right there was real problem.

   Commitment. Cliché and utterly hateful to admit but still undeniably true. It wasn’t so much fear of spending the rest of his life with Stephen Strange, as it was being terrified that the rest of his life wasn’t very long at all. Add on top of that, the fact Tony wasn’t at all confident their relationship could whether the storm of publicity, the comments about both their character, the opinions and warnings his friends would offer jokingly, but Tony was afraid Stephen would take too seriously.

   In this private little bubble, they had built, Tony could just…be. He could shower Stephen with all the attention he wanted and pretend that this was their reality, try to avoid the invasion of problems and world-ending crisis into the delicate, precious relationship Tony wanted to maintain so badly.

   “Are you alright?”

   Tony looked up from the book he had been supposedly reading to see Stephen’s dark, concerned eyes.

   He took a shaky breath, offering a weak smile, “fine, just a headache.”

   He grimaced, “we don’t keep pain medication in the Sanctuary, but if you ask Wong, we have some teas that might help.”

   Tony nodded and stood tiredly, he didn’t need to ask why they didn’t keep pain medication, could still remember the temptation of his injuries to get lost in their hazy relief.

   He made his way to the kitchen, seeking only a breather, to find Wong already there brewing his own. The man, who Tony liked to think he got a long with quite well, took one look at him and pulled another cup from the cabinet.

   “You look like shit Stark.”

   Tony rolled his eyes, “thanks Wong, just what I like to hear.”

   The man shrugged, “haven’t been sleeping?”

   Tony nodded slowly, Wong’s gaze on him more piercing then Stephen’s could ever be.

   “Secrets will do that to someone.”

   He stared at Wong’s back as the man scooped tea from a plain tin into little bags, unsure where to go from there, “what do you mean?”

   Wong snorted, “I’d have to be an idiot not to notice the fact you spend the night at least three times a week.”

   Tony swallowed thickly, feeling defensive, “I thought Stephen might have told you.”

   Wong deposited the bags into their individual cups, before turning to face him, expression suddenly leaning toward something that felt like a warning, “Strange hasn’t said a word although its obvious he wants to. He cares too much about your opinion on the matter to betray your trust.”

   Tony frowned, certain he had just been reprimanded, “right, well I don’t see how its any of your business-”

   “Strange is my friend, not just my colleague. I’m also meant to oversee his progress in the mystic arts considering the power he wields, so I’d say anything that involved Strange is my business,” he turned back to pour water from the boiling kettle. “Especially something that is making him unhappy.”

   Tony stomach twisted, heart aching at the man’s words. Still, he couldn’t help himself, “we like our privacy and have agreed to keep it for as long as possible.”

   Wong turned around and offered a cup to him, which Tony took reluctantly. The other man paused, as if considering his words, “there is a difference between keeping your relationship private and keeping it secret.”

   Tony’s jaw clenched, “privacy is difficult for someone like me. Usually means being more private then usual.”

   Wong didn’t miss a beat, “from the press, perhaps even from Shield, but your friends? Perhaps consider the message that sends, not only to them, but to Stephen. That you don’t deem him worthy of your friend’s knowledge.”

   The man left the room before Tony could respond, staring at him wide-eyed and nauseas. He’d be stupid to deny that Wong was right, but it didn’t change the fact that the thought of telling everyone made his chest squeeze painfully.

---

   There was always a breaking point.

   No matter how strong of a metal you can create, no matter what element you use, no matter how stretchy or flexible you make something, there comes a point where the pressure being exerted on it snaps, tearing apart your carefully crafted object and leaving you in the ruins, usually both disappointed and frustrated.

   Tony liked to think, that as selfish as people claimed he was, when it came to the people who were important to him, there was little he wouldn’t do. The aftermath of the Snap being the perfect example.

   Yet, the fact of the matter was, Tony was a walking and talking mistake waiting to happen. No matter how good his intentions, how much he reads, and researches, and fights, he always seems to fuck it up somehow.

   In this case, it was so much worse because he saw it coming from a mile a way, and still pretended to be blind because he didn’t want to face the reality of what he was doing. The reality that the private bubble he and Stephen lived in, was just as likely to ruin their relationship as the real world was.

   As so many of Tony’s worst decisions involved, he was drinking, not excessively but enough to be teetering on the edge of tipsy. Usually that was perfectly manageable for him, except tonight he was still reeling from the conversation he had with Wong two weeks prior, had been unintentionally distancing himself from Stephen.

   He was at an event, organized to celebrate a recent victory for the Avengers and was downright boring. He found himself hiding at a table in the shadows of the event with an uneasy Wanda (who didn’t want to be there either, but it was important for her public image) and Scott Lang who just seemed to be overwhelmed by it all.

   Unfortunately, Tony couldn’t hide out for long. He was one of the heads of the Avengers and was surrounded not only be politicians but rich business men and as much as he hated it, he had a responsibility to network.

   Before long he was in the spotlight, surrounded by men attempting to get his attention with projects and general good will, while a smattering of women tried to entice him. It was perfectly ordinary, and he tried his best to use his charm to both deflect from the many stupid product and merging suggestions, while making sure everyone was still having a good time. He hadn’t done this in a long time, since before Pepper, but it was like riding a bike really.

   The real problem came the following morning.

   Tony woke up groggy and with a light headache, not quite a hangover. He was in his bed, curled up in the sheets and wondering why the hell he was awake at eight am. It became clear a moment later when FRIDAY’s disapproving voice came on.

   “Sir, I think you should wake up.”

   He groaned and tried to pull a pillow over his head.

   FRIDAY wasn’t having it, “Dr. Strange has attempted to call you on three occasions already. You seem to have drawn some attention for last night.”

   It took a moment for her words to filter through is groggy mind but when they did, he froze, heart suddenly beating twice as fast, his stomach twisting with something like fear. He cast his mind back to the night before but couldn’t recall doing anything that might piss off Stephen.

   Regardless, he sat up, swinging his legs over the side of the bed and quickly pulled on a robe as he picked up his Stark Pad, “show me the damage baby girl.”

   It came to life and Tony stared dumbfounded at the headlines filling up his screen in noisy, obnoxious, colourful fonts.

   Tony Stark Back To His Playboy Ways!

   New Girlfriend For Tony Stark???

   Drinking, Girls, and Extravagance Tony Stark At It Again

   On and on like a bad parody of the headlines from his youth, the ones he left behind a long time ago. Accompanying them was a particular picture, snapped of him when leaving the party with two women on his arms, and from the angle looking decidedly drunk.

   He remembered them and he knew for a fact that he had walked them to their cars in order to escape some very pushy politicians and then left in his own gratefully. Really, there was nothing overly condemning here, except he could practically hear Pepper lecturing him about shareholders.

   Still, he found himself dressing quickly, throwing on jeans and a plain T-shirt and stepping into an Ironman suit, with a distinct feeling of dread sliding through him. Stephen wasn’t the jealous type, but Tony also knew how it might look if he was flaunting that shit, real or not, while also denying their relationship. It felt like the walls were closing in.

   It took all of twenty minutes to land in front of the Sanctuary and knock on its doors. It took three minutes for Stephen to answer them, despite knowing he could just snap him inside if he wanted to.

   Stephen looked down at him with this tight little smile that immediately sent Tony’s heart plummeting in his chest, but when he opened his mouth, he just shook his head, “come on, we have to talk.”

   Tony followed in silence, each step echoing in the Sanctuary that used to feel so inviting. They ended up in the sitting room, the formal one that Stephen dragged all visitors to and Tony found himself sitting in an uncomfortable little armchair across from his lover.

   Stephen’s face was impassive and utterly unsettling.

   Tony had no interest in beating around the bush for this, “Stephen, those headlines are just gossip magazines. I didn’t sleep with those women, just walked them to their car-”

   “I know,” Stephen cut him off, shaking his head. “I don’t think you slept with anyone and I’m definitely not angry about the photos.”

   He frowned, confused as to why Stephen’s expression had this sad glint in his eye.

   Stephen sighed, running a hand through is hair as though preparing for something and Tony felt his breath catch, “Stephen….what’s wrong?”

   His expression finally cracked, crumpling a little as he looked at him, “I’m sorry Tony-”

   “Stephen,” he cut him off, trying to keep the panic from his voice. “Whatever is wrong we can figure it out, isn’t that the whole point of this relationship?”

   “What relationship?”

   Tony flinched.

   Stephen’s tone wasn’t hostile, instead it was painfully honest, “Tony, I’m a patient man, I always have been but I’m so tired of waiting.”

   Tony stared at him, words swirling in his head, but none of them coming from his mouth.

   Stephen offered a sad smile, “we’ve always had bad timing. Neither of us were ready for relationship but we tried anyway.”

   Tony swallowed thickly, those words feeling like a death sentence, “what can I do?”

   Stephen grimaced, “I don’t want you to do anything Tony. I won’t pressure you because that isn’t fair. I agreed with us keeping it a secret because we had a lot of problems to deal with both in our personal lives and with the Avengers, but I…I’m ready to move on and you aren’t.”

   “Stephen,” Tony’s mind was reeling. “I don’t want to…I care about you-”

   “I know,” Stephen replied. “Sometimes that isn’t enough.”

   Tony found his eyes closing, trying and failing to ground himself, “tell me why,” he hoped the pleading wasn’t obvious. “Why now?”

   Stephen’s voice sounded thin now, like he too was struggling to keep it together and Tony found it oddly comforting, “I meant it when I said I’m not mad about those photos but I’m only human and to realize that I’ll never have the chance to just be by your side like that without wondering what people think, kills me.”

   Tony opened his eyes, looked at him, saw the struggle there, “I’m sorry.”

   Stephen gave a wet laugh, “I don’t want you to be sorry Tony. I want us to take some time to figure out what we want, for sure, what we can live with.”

   Despite himself, hope flared to life inside Tony, it wasn’t a break up, it was a pause for them both to decide where they wanted to go with this, “alright, that…that make sense.”

   Stephen offered a crooked smile, “wasn’t that what the whole point of keeping it a secret to begin with? Giving us time to decide if it was worth it?”

   Stephen was worth it, a thousand times over.

   Instead of saying that he found himself nodding slowly, “yeah, I guess it was.”

---

   The week that followed was downright miserable.

   Tony went about his usual duties, which seemed to drag without the promise of Stephen’s embrace at the end of the day, the quiet companionship when they sat in his study, the soft, thick sheets of his bed.

   He found himself missing the quips, the annoyed glances when he made remarks about technology being superior to magic, the teasing grin as he would absently rub Tony’s leg, knowing full well what he was doing to him.

   But he also found himself missing the bad. Tony missed being able to tell when it was a bad day, whether that be nightmares or his hands, and his scathing attitude, he missed the arguments they got into sometimes over little things, their strong personalities clashing violently.

   Tony was left with this deep aching hole in his chest, yet he did nothing. He found himself constantly staring down at his phone, fingers twitching over his contact but never pressing it, because even though he missed him, he hadn’t solved anything.

   He never would have guessed that something so minor, would be so god damn difficult. He was serious when he confided in Stephen about missing having something just for himself, but that also meant, he should be used to it by now.

   Pepper and Rhodey would be excited for him, probably downright relieved. The Avengers would be either indifferent or weary, which was their prerogative since Stephen still refused to help the Avengers in any capacity. Peter would by fucking elated and unbearably nosy.

   They weren’t the problem…at least not anymore.

   Tony was irrationally afraid of how this would all end and it wasn’t fair to Stephen in the slightest. He had been through a lot of these past ten years and Tony wasn’t sure if he could take another heartbreak, another end of the world, another much of anything.

   Stephen had been right. He hadn’t been ready, but by god did he wish he was.

   Time was a good thing though, and Tony hoped that eventually, soon they could rekindle their solid friendship and maybe, when they really were both ready, do it right.

   Which was his mantra for approximately nine days, nine days of radio silence, of aching, of wondering, of moping.

   Nine days until Tony decided fuck it.

   He would admit to being emotionally repressed as all hell, was well-aware of his short-comings but he was also stubborn and down right reckless, what was one more risk? If Stephen was the prize then he needed to stop being so god damn stupid and make it clear that just because he was uncomfortable, weary of the reactions he might get, terrified of losing him to something beyond his control, did not mean he was going to let it stop him from claiming that small sliver of happiness he had found.

   Tony found himself walking into one of his suits at three in the morning and jetting off toward the Sanctuary, impulsive as ever. He didn’t bother calling ahead, didn’t consider waiting until morning, instead climbing the stairs of the Sanctuary and knocking on the door with a mix of anticipation and anxiety.

   When it swung open to reveal Wong, he had a surge of disappointment which only lasted as long as it took to see the expression on the other man’s face. Wong looked exhausted, absolutely haggard, as though he hadn’t slept properly in days.

   Tony’s stomach twisted, “Wong, what happened?”

   Wong blinked at him slowly, a frown sliding over his lips as he rubbed at one eye, “Stark, now is not a good time. Stephen needs his rest and its bloody three am-”

   “What?” Tony swore his blood had run cold.

   Wong’s tilted his head, confused, “the accident with the Kelpie?”

   He swallowed thickly, “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

   Realization dawned on the man’s face and then he was stepping back, opening the door wide and ushering him inside. As he did so Wong began to speak, “I assumed he told you. Its nothing too serious but he overtaxed his magic. It wasn’t intentional, he returned from another dimension already fairly drained, then we had a kelpie emergency and his body shut down in attempt to help him.”

   Tony really didn’t care, “where is he?”

   Wong led the way in silence, Tony biting his lip to keep from demanding the man speed up. The arrived at a door and when they entered Tony had to pause. The room was definitely not Stephen’s bedroom, if only identifiable because of the runes all over the walls, the candles lit everywhere and the distinct scent of incense. None of that mattered.

   Laying in the bed, tucked under the covers and with a light sheen of sweat glinting in the low candle light, was Stephen. Tony strode over, immediately collapsing in the chair by the bed, leaning forward to brush back the hair plastered to his forehead, noting the laboured breathing.

   The sight was heart-wrenching.

   “Is he going to be ok?”

   When Wong didn’t say anything, he tore his eyes from Stephen’s twitching eyelids to look at him. Wong was staring at him with this confused little look on his face, eyes narrowed and assessing.

   “Wong,” he snapped.

   The man blinked rapidly for a moment, “he’ll be fine so long as we make sure his fever stays regulated.”

   Tony blew a sigh of relief, “good, I’ll stay with him, you look dead on your feet.”

   When the man didn’t respond again Tony frowned, starting to wander if he was going to pass out too. But he appeared to be thinking, before out of the blue, “you came to get him back.”

   Tony didn’t say anything.

   “Good.”

   Now he did look up and Wong had this smug little smile on his face, “you two are good for each other once you stop being idiots. The man has been downright mopey since you took a break and disappeared for a over two weeks.”

   Tony shrugged, “I wanted to make sure I wasn’t just going to offer more of the same.”

   Wong nodded, “actions speak louder then words. Stephen will be weary.”

   Tony looked back at his lover, ran his fingers along his cheek for a moment, felt him turn his head slightly toward him, making him smile, “I can be patient.” He did it enough for him.

   “It’d also help if you told him you loved him.”

   Tony’s head shot up, startled at the declaration. Wong, however, was already heading to the door, “you wouldn’t have rushed over here, and you wouldn’t have just volunteered for the night if you didn’t.”

   The door closed. Wong was going to be worse then Peter.

   Tony spent the entirety of the night camped out in that chair, obsessively checking Stephen’s forehead and using the cloth and water next to the chair to keep him cool, turning back the sheets on occasion when he spiked.

   He was focused on him with a mindless intensity, and didn’t miss it when at nine am, Stephen’s hand began to move. At first, he thought it might just be spasms of the ruined nerves but soon enough it was clenching with intent and his eyes squeezed tightly.

   Tony immediately took Stephen’s hand in his leaning forward, “sweetheart? Can you hear me?” Stephen’s head turned toward him slowly, eyes still closed. Tony used his free hand to run soothingly through his hair. “That’s it love. Can you open your eyes for me? I’m dying to see them.”

   Several minutes later he watched as Stephen’s eyes opened slowly, blinking at him in confusion, “Tony?”

   “Hey,” he whispered, smiling at him. “There you are. How are you feeling?”

   His eyes rolled toward the nightstand, reminding Tony of the water there, immediately grabbing it and helping Stephen drink as he woke more by the second.

   Stephen hadn’t let go of his one hand, squeezing it gently as he levelled his gaze on Tony, “what are you doing here?” he croaked.

   Tony swallowed thickly, “I decided I wanted to come see you, only to find you dying, reckless as ever.”

   Stephen rolled his eyes, head sinking back in the pillows, “I’m not dying.”

   “Agree to disagree.”

   He could already tell Stephen was fighting unconsciousness again, as a haze fell over his eyes, “I missed you,” he murmured.

   Tony smiled again, still running fingers through is hair and gripping Stephen’s hand in the other, “I missed you too,” the smallest of smiles slipped over Stephen’s lips as his eyes fell closed. “It’s alright, get some sleep. I love you.”

   Stephen squeezed his hand.

   Eight days later, Tony was curled up on the couch of his living room, against Stephen, mouthing lightly at his neck and trying not to grin at his lover’s chuckle, even as he tilted his head to give him more access.

   He was enjoying himself immensely when he felt something hit his side. He pulled away to glare at Rhodey who was wielding a pillow and brandishing it like a bat, “down boy, nobody wants to see you molest your boyfriend.”

   Stephen laughed, eyes darting around at the gathering of people consisting mostly of Avengers, Pepper, Peter and his friends, Wong, and a few members of Shield, all of which were conveniently ignoring his and Stephen’s affections.

   Tony couldn’t help but be caught up in Stephen’s happy expression as he engaged with Rhodey, making jokes at his expense while also squeezing his thigh comfortingly. It was…perfect, this whole thing was perfect.

   It had taken them days of healing then talking to get on the same page, but in the end, they were able to make it work. Compromises they both should have been willing to make from the start. Their relationship was common knowledge to the Avengers, though never officially announced to Shield, but they both agreed the Press was off limits, both for their sanity and for Kamar-Taj.

   Now, here they were, and Tony would never stop berating himself for denying them both of this opportunity for so long. He was surrounded by friends, family, and colleagues, all of which Stephen had stepped seamlessly inside with charming smiles that he knew had to be from his surgeon days.

   He was happy.

   His gaze met Pepper’s from across the room where she was speaking to Happy and one of the agents. Her eyes were bright and sparkling, something like joy in them as she raised her glass in a silent toast, both smug and proud, I just want you to be happy

   Tony nodded his head subtly, before turning back to Stephen and interrupting him mid sentence with a hard kiss, only to break away and laugh as Rhodey smacked him again, “I swear I’m going to buy you a fucking spray bottle!”