Chapter Text
When Remus John Lupin was younger, he really enjoyed reading Sophie’s World and had tried to answer the questions in the book in his own context: Who am I? Where does the world come from?
Even as he lived passed forty and his youth turned into nothing but a memory, the gentleman still found himself asking those very same questions. He was not interested in technical answers such as “I am an English teacher and debate club supervisor at Hogwarts Secondary School, and I used to be in a rock band.” His aim was the more intimate one --answers that he should be able to find whenever he arrived home to 394 Wolfsbane Drive after a long day at work.
His house was old and weather-beaten; he found himself wondering how much savings he had left every time he looked at its door (which needed new paint) or window sills (which needed to be replaced). Yet it was still a warm and lovely place to live in. Lupin took pride of the begonia that blooms in spring, the bird feeder that he built himself, and the hilarious “Wipe Your Paws Here” doormat he bought online years ago.
But what kind of answers did he find in this home?
Once he had walked in, like in that fine evening in September, he would hang his coat and softly announced “I’m home” --only to be welcomed by silence. Deep inside, he was hoping that for once, someone would give him a favourable reply (but he also knew that he might get a heart attack if that ever happened).
Shoving the questions away from his mind, the gentleman then dropped his bags in the study and carried the grocery bag that he had brought home to the kitchen.
Using the movements of someone who was accustomed to the process, he took out the vegetables from the bag to wash them in the sink before eventually taking out a piece of meat and some fresh herbs from the refrigerator.
Lupin was just about to start chopping when he suddenly remembered something. He took out his phone and searched for this new video call app that his students and his colleagues had been raving about: the Floo app.
A loud “Hello?” boomed through the room as soon as he managed to set his phone on a small corner of the table, leaning on a bottle of sauce.
“No need to shout, Sirius.”
“Whoa, this app is really good, yeah! I don’t even need to ask if you can hear me and all those bollocks.”
Lupin smiled. “So, you want to continue where we left off?”
His best friend and former bandmate Sirius Black had ruined his mood this morning when he suddenly showed up in school and barged into the classroom when Lupin was teaching.
The two of them had been friends for almost a lifetime: The most important years of their life were marked with the formation of The Marauders, a British rock band that they had started with friend James Potter in their twenties. Starting off in underground clubs, the band released three albums in total and tasted 15-minute of fame when their hit single I solemnly swear (that I’m up to no good) exploded --pretty much at the end of their career.
Their manager Peter Pettigrew --who started out as a loyal fan-- ran away with all the money they had made in their entire career, leaving them broke and devastated. When the band was forced to break up, Black fell into depression and locked himself up in his mother’s house while Lupin was forced to return to university (which he had been tempted to leave in the first place). Potter, the activist among them, went on to work at an international aid agency with his paediatrician wife Lily.
The couple was eventually kidnapped and killed when on duty in a conflict zone, leaving their son Harry under Black's care as his godfather.
With Potter's death, the fate of The Marauders was pretty much sealed: They were to remain history forever.
Until a certain group of people showed up at the office of Black Dog Records, where Black was its founder and CEO, to convey a piece of great news to him.
“Yes! So the award show is set to happen in February, and they want to give us a lifetime achievement thing at the peak of it,” Black said. “And they also wanted us to perform as a closing act! There will be a moment to remember James and all … Basically, they want to honour us!”
The man was so excited he did not realise that he was standing too close to the camera; the video was then dominated by his nose.
“That’s great. Never thought anyone would remember us like that,” Lupin replied, peeling an onion.
“Then let’s make this happen! Let’s reunite!”
“Umm ...”
“What’s with the ‘umm’?”
“You don’t realise it, do you?”
“What?”
Lupin dropped his knife to cross his arm and look at Black in the nose. “We don’t have a drummer. Also, it’s been forever. I don’t think I even remember what the first album was called.”
“It was self-titled. The second one was Snivellus the Sad Boy … You know, that guy in high school James liked to bully? Heard he’s a judge now. I’m just glad he never tried to prosecute us.”
Lupin waved his hand. “That’s not my point.”
“So what is it? The drummer? Oh, I know … We can use hologram!! A hologram of James! That'd be cool!"
“Don’t be ridiculous!” Lupin picked up his knife again.
“It’s not!”
“Who’s going to pay for that!?”
“Me!”
“Waste of money!”
“No, it’s not!”
The two then got involved in a mini quarrel until Black decided, to Lupin’s annoyance, that this will require further discussion over meal tomorrow. “And I feel like fish-and-chips. See you at Molly’s?”
“If you think I am going to change my mind, you are so mistaken.” Lupin stirred his beef stew angrily.
“Oh, I rarely do, believe me.”
“It’s one of those days!”
“Not!”
Lupin turned towards the camera and stuck his tongue out.
Black waved his hands in despair. “Look at that. I can’t believe I trusted my godson’s education to a fucking twat like that.”
Lupin laughed, moving a large bowl closer to the stove. “Alright, dinner at Molly’s. But believe me. You’re not changing my mind.”
When his best friend was silent for a moment, Lupin grew suspicious and turned to the camera again.
Black had adjusted his face’s position to the camera so that it could finally be seen in its entirety. Lupin saw that the man was sitting in his dining room; there was an image of Harry sneaking a bag of crisps into his jumper in the background. The school teacher was just going to let his best friend know about it when he noticed the sadness in his face. “What’s the matter?”
“Remus, honestly. What’s wrong? Why … Why you don’t want this to happen?”
Lupin went quiet.
“I thought this should be fun? Playing together again?”
Lupin looked like he was trying to say something, but his beef stew needed to be poured into the bowl. Only when he was done with the task that he finally lifted his head to face the camera again. “There’s only two of us left, Sirius.”
“It’s going to be a very lonely reunion.” He added with a sad smile.
Black licked his lips, wanting to say something, but then a scream was heard in the background.
“What’s that?”
Sighing deeply, Black scratched his head exhaustedly. “I think my Mum just threw her dinner to the nurse again. I’ll be right back.”
The video call was ended with a swooshing sound.
-
Having spent some time in the shower, Lupin found himself walking around the living room smelling like soap in his favourite paisley-printed pyjamas. His bathrobe swished as he stopped to place a glass of water on the small table beside his father’s armchair, which was set to face the television in the most convenient angle possible.
There was another sofa in the room, but since his father passed away, Lupin considered the armchair to be his designated place.
Setting himself comfortably on it, his attention then shifted into a small cigar box on the small table. He opened it, took out strips of medicines, and counted the number of pills that he had until it was time to visit the clinic again. The good news was that there was enough for the next two weeks.
It had been more than two decades since he learned of the existence of The Virus in his body.
If there is anything that he refused to define himself with, as a response to the existential questions raised earlier, was the illness. He would hate that. No matter what you decide to define yourself with, it should not be something that was set to destroy you. Lupin would rather build himself up than being defeated; he would rather be remembered in health than in sickness.
Thanks to a disciplined lifestyle, he had been relatively well for someone with a deadly virus in his system. Not only that the treatment prevented his illness from developing into The Worst, but Lupin was also able to keep himself fit throughout the ordeal.
Yes, he experienced a terrible weight loss, which led doctors to prescribe a diet of heavy carbs and protein load. But he managed to minimise infections, and it had actually been a while since he last got sick.
But mental-wise …
His diagnosis came out as a huge shock, certainly. It was one of the reasons why he considered leaving university and embracing the bohemian lifestyle anyway --because the social structure would not take in someone with this kind of ailment.
But luckily, his parents had been extremely supportive. They pushed him to continue his education as it would give him a qualification, and (hopefully) a stronger bargaining position.
You’ve always wanted to be a teacher, his late mother said. Don’t let it take that away from you.
As a side effect of his medications, he would sometimes fall into a mild depression. But the doctors had it taken care of.
So the only challenge remained was relationships.
Of course, he knew how to protect himself and his partners, and the doctor stressed that he could continue having a love life. But Lupin was scared. Not only of accidents but also of how he might be perceived by potential dates. He even broke up from an ex-girlfriend as soon as he was sure that her test came back negative.
He had taught himself to be content with being alone. But he knew that his loneliness might eventually kill him, so after lengthy talks with his psychologist, he dared to begin dating again.
He even pushed it further by being honest about his status.
“Let’s see …,” the man muttered, taking out his smartphone once he was done with his medications.
Oh, his students would drop dead if they find out that their teacher had dating apps on his phone. He even kept it as a secret from Black; the man may have been very supportive, but when it comes to a matter of the heart, he could be a total arse. And Lupin was not in the mood to be laughed at.
Results of his attempts varied. There had been some good matches, both men and women. But when they finally met, he struggled to find any connection with the person. There were some dates who turned him down upon finding out about his status; one even accused him of deliberately trying to spread the virus. That person was immediately blocked, of course.
That night inside the dating app, Lupin had a feeling that it was going to be another useless attempt. So he turned on the television instead.
But when he remembered that the new season of Doctor Who was not out until next week, he decided to just give it up and go to bed.
-
“Wait! Wait for me!”
Running with all his might to the bus stop, Lupin cursed the meeting he just had earlier with a student’s parents --which could have been an email. He ended up being late to the meeting with Sirius, forcing him to catch the only bus that was heading to the direction of the restaurant that hour.
Luckily, he managed to jump onto the bus just as its door was closing.
“In a rush, Mr Lupin?” said the old man behind the steering wheel.
“E-Ernie … You … Lifesaver,” he replied breathlessly while tapping his card on the scanner.
With his head spinning, Lupin then walked towards the back of the bus to find a place where he can stand comfortably. Once he did, he mindlessly lifted up his hand to grab the handle.
And jumped when he touched something warm instead.
“S-sorry!”
“It’s okay.” A soft voice responded.
Lupin decided to take a glimpse of the person standing next to him, and his heartbeat stopped for a moment when he caught the sight of the young woman. She was wearing a knee-length black coat with combat boots, torn jeans, and a band T-shirt, and had two bags slung over her shoulders.
If there was anything that was more eye-catching than her piercings and spiky accessories, that would be her shocking pink hair.
Facing the front side of the bus, her expression remained indifferent even as Lupin found it hard to continue breathing. While her hair was distracting, he secretly found her nose to be … Kind of cute.
Feeling terrible for staring, the school teacher then turned his head the other way around for the rest of the journey. The good thing is that it did not take a while until he arrived at his destination. So he tried to forget his encounter with the pink-haired woman and moved on with his life.
But when he got off the bus, he heard a soft thud from behind him. Turning around, he found the pink lady on her knees, picking up all the things that had fallen out of her bag.
Lupin immediately rushed to help her.
“T-Thank you,” she muttered.
The gentleman smiled politely as he continued to help to pick up the things: A rolled-up T-shirt, a rabbit-shaped wallet, a smartphone, a pack of cigarettes, and --to his surprise-- a pair of drumsticks. Which he handed to her with curiosity in his eyes.
“This is embarrassing …,” she said, putting everything inside her bag again.
“Oh, no, it’s …”
The two of them were just about to stand up when their forehead hit. “Ouch!”
“Sorry!”
“Oh, no! I’m sorry! Did that hurt?”
“Oh, it’s all right, it’s just …”
The two people continued to apologise to each other until the woman decided that she had to rush. With a polite wave of his hand, Lupin excused her. He waited for a moment before he started walking again --because the woman happened to head in the same direction as he was.
But his intention seemed to be useless as minutes later, she stopped and turned to face him.
Lupin gulped. “I wasn’t following you, I swear.”
“Good. I might be small, but I know how to tackle a bison.” She smiled.
“Useful skill to have.”
The two of them laughed. Lupin found his heartbeat stopped again when he realised that she took a step back -- just to adjust her steps with his.
“Have we met before?” she asked.
“Minutes ago, on the bus?”
She laughed. “That’s clever. Yeah, you look familiar. Perhaps I’ve seen you at the restaurant.”
Something about the way she laughed made Lupin feel like he would like to hear it over and over again. So he proceeded by asking more questions. Within seconds, he found out that the lady worked at least two jobs: She waited tables in the afternoon and night and managed a tattoo parlour in the morning.
“And play the drums on the weekend?” Lupin asked.
“I assume? Seeing the drumsticks earlier …” he hastily added, seeing the curious look on her face.
“Oh, that! Yes, you’re right … Anyway, I’m Nymphadora Tonks. But call me Tonks.” She extended her hand.
He welcomed hers in a warm handshake. “Hello, Tonks. I’m Remus Lupin. Please call me Remus.”
“Did anyone ever tried to call you Remy or something?”
Lupin had to hold off his laughter. “I sincerely hope they don’t.”
“I honestly feel like I’ve seen you somewhere, you know,” Tonks said, putting her index finger on her lips. “Hm. So what do you do? You got this librarian vibe going on.”
“I teach English in secondary school. And I used to be in a band, but that was the past ...”
She gasped. “I’m talking to a teacher!”
“Why? Did the dog eat your homework?”
The two of them continued to talk and laugh as they go along the street with quaint little shops on its sides. Both of them then stopped in front of a small fish-and-chips shop situated between a shoe store and a fruit shop.
“Well,” Tonks swung her bag. “This is where we part …”
Lupin stared into the shop’s all blue exterior, and the cartoon lady that was drawn on its window. He then stared back into Tonks, who was standing by his side. “Well, I hate to tell you this, Tonks …”
-
When Lupin and Tonks walked into the fish-and-chips shop, there were only two or three guests inside as dinner time was just about to start. Among them, Lupin’s attention was drawn towards Black, who was talking passionately to lady boss Mrs Weasley.
“She had been living in the nursing home, which she picked herself, by the way … But last week, out of nowhere, she suddenly wanted to move in with me. Because the nurses stole her food or something,” Black spoke passionately.
“Aww. She misses you,” Mrs Weasley responded.
“I wish that was the case! She’s running out of people to torture there … So she’s after me and Harry … Oi, Remus! Sit down. Was just telling her about my mother,” Black continued.
“Hi, Molly. Long time no see.” Lupin smiled while taking his seat.
“Remus! It’s good to see you outside of school!” Mrs Weasley said cheerfully. She then added in a whisper, “After this, I need you to tell me about my kids. You know. Their grades and everything.”
Lupin laughed. “No problem.”
“Order something,” Black said, handing the menu to Lupin. “By the way, do you know that this place has a secret menu? Say a password and they make you something that’s not in there.” He pointed at the actual menu.
Mrs Weasley giggled. “You were meant to find it out yourself, but since it’s you two … The password’s ‘the burrow’.”
Lupin went blank. “‘The burrow?”
At this point, a teenage girl with bright red hair showed up to take Lupin’s order. “Hello, Mr Lupin.”
“Ginny! Nice to see you again,” he replied with a bright smile to his student. His attention was then shifted to Mrs Weasley again. “Why a burrow?”
Mrs Weasley giggled. “Oh, it’s named after our first home. It’s not the real thing!”
“All right, I’ll have The Burrow then. And mineral water,” Lupin said, turning his head towards Ginny again, who was already distracted by her smartphone.
“Ginevra.” Mrs Weasley’s tone sounded dangerous.
The girl jumped with eyes wide opened. “Oh! Sorry. One The Burrow coming.”
With an embarrassed face, Ginny ran into the kitchen.
“I need to talk to you, Remus, I think she’s in love or something. Keep staring at her phone like that … But I need to excuse myself for now,” Mrs Weasley sighed.
Her expression immediately changed. “It’s very nice to have you two here! Just let me know if you need anything.”
The two gentlemen then thanked her. As soon as she left the table, the smile on Black's face faded. “Let’s go straight to the point.”
Lupin straightened himself up. “I’m ready.”
“Good. All right, what is exactly your problem? Why you don’t want the band to reunite?”
Lupin took a deep breath, looking as if he was considering his point carefully. “I just feel that … At this age, it’s not something that we should be doing anymore.”
Slightly offended, Sirius slammed the table. “So what am I supposed to do, then? Take my grandson to the park?
“You don’t have one.”
“That’s not the point.”
“The point is, the reunion is not right. James is no longer with us. Peter … God knows where he is. I certainly hope he’s in jail somewhere, of course, but … It’s just not right, Sirius. To gather again when we are not even complete. It’s sad!”
“We’re over that already.”
“I don’t think so.”
“Are we not even allowed to, I don’t know, enjoy bits of our glorious past? The good old days!? To receive an honour for our achievement … You know what? We need intervention.” Black was definitely losing his patience.
He then turned towards the direction of the cashier desk, where Mrs Weasley was talking to Tonks. “Molly! Oh, hi, Molly … We need a little help here.”
Lupin felt like banging his head on the table.
“And how can I help you?” Mrs Weasley asked with a smile when she arrived at the table.
“Remus is being tough, Molly. The Marauders --you know, our dear little band-- was just being offered by the Brit Awards to close the show in February. It’s basically our first chance of a reunion! After all these years,” Sirius explained.
“That’s amazing!”
“Yet Remus here …”
“So that was why.”
A fourth voice suddenly appeared. Everybody turned their heads, and Lupin felt a greater urge to bang his head on the table when he caught Tonks standing right behind him.
“Tonks, what are you doing?” Mrs Weasley did not sound very pleased, but the pink-haired woman ignored her completely.
“So that was why you looked so familiar! You’re THE Remus Lupin! Of The Marauders!” Tonks shouted. “And you must be Sirius Black! Wow! So you guys are going to reunite at the Brit? That’s fantastic!”
“See? Even the lady here thinks it’s a great idea. Thank you very much, Miss …,” Black said, shaking hands with Tonks already.
“It’s Tonks, Nymphadora Tonks.”
“Miss Tonks! Thank you.”
“I guess the problem is solved already,” said Mrs Weasley, walking away from the table.
“No, it’s … Why are you attacking me like this!? We don’t even have a drummer! How …”
“I can play for you,” Tonks jumped in.
All words were lost as the two gentlemen turned, once again, into her direction.
“Yeah, I’m a drummer. If you’re cool with it, I’m willing to fill in,” she continued.
“I just love it when people are positive like this.” Black shook his head, staring at Tonks with admiration in his eyes.
Lupin knew he had to stop this, but Tonks already dragged a chair. She then sat facing the backrest, which she used to support her arms. “I learned to play the drum using your music. I even know songs from your first album!"
“Self-titled.” Black pointed at Lupin, who was ready to bite back but chose to focus on Tonks instead.
“Look, that’s very kind of you, but … We never even see you play.” Lupin leaned closer to the woman, trying his best to remain calm.
“Then name the place and I’ll jam with you.”
“Number Twelve Grimmauld Place, 1 PM, this Saturday?” Black hurriedly responded.
“Deal.”
Before Lupin could say anything, Ginny suddenly returned to the table to deliver two large seafood platters, which included Mrs Weasley’s signature fish-and-chips.
This meant the battle had to be stopped. At least temporarily.
--
When Lupin arrived at Number Twelve Grimmauld Place that Saturday, even before he managed to ring the bell, the front door immediately swung open to greet him. Black looked as if his birthday was coming earlier when he saw his best friend; his satin bathrobe smelled strongly of sandalwood when he hugged Lupin.
The school teacher appeared indifferent to his best friend’s reaction, but he did politely hug him back. “Look, I’m just testing the water here. Don't get your hopes up.”
Lupin then picked up the case containing his bass guitar from the ground and walked into the house.
While he would usually wear school-appropriate outfits such as a tidy shirt behind his jumper, trousers, and comfortable old leather shoes for his daily activities, that day he opted for a black T-shirt underneath his clean-cut brown leather jacket, complete with jeans and trainers. He felt that the different sides of his life require different outfit.
When Lupin walked into the living room, his heart skipped another beat when he noticed that Tonks was already sitting there. Something inside him fluttered when he saw the details in her look that day: A denim overalls, a white long-sleeved T-shirt, combat boots, and a red bandana that was used as a hairband. There was a studded black leather jacket next to her on the sofa. She also had a cup of tea in hand, making her look even more like a spunky comic book character --and he really liked that. “Well, hello there.”
“Hey. Look who decided to come,” Tonks said, placing the cup on the table.
“Yeah, I can’t leave you alone with him,” Lupin replied, pointing at Black, who was already busy pacing up and down. Tonks giggled.
“All right, people. Let’s just start ASAP. Come!” Black jumped in, completely oblivious to Lupin’s insult.
The three of them then moved to the house owner’s private studio, which happened to be located at the attic. Along the way, the passed by an old lady in a wheelchair who was yelling at characters in a television drama. They also passed by a bedroom with sounds of video games background music coming from the inside; Lupin assumed it was Harry’s.
Once the musicians were inside the studio, they immediately went to occupy their designated spaces. Black already had his battered old Fender Telecaster ready as the person who owns the place, while Tonks had to adjust the height of the chair before she can even begin to play.
Lupin himself chose to sit in the corner while getting his bass ready. It was not that he never touched the instrument again after The Marauders broke up. In fact, he would occasionally jam with some musician friends in the first two to three years. But then as he started teaching, he would have fewer opportunities to do it again.
This is why he was worried that he had become rusty. But the moment he got the bass in his hands, changes happened.
There was always this magical, tingling feeling whenever he picked the instrument up; as if he was only fully awake when he plays music. Even when his mind was filled with uncertainty like that day, he knew immediately what to do. Music had always had an anchoring effect for him like that.
And when Black played that familiar riffs, which marked the beginning of the band’s hit single, he actually wondered if he should say yes to this.
As he played, he kept a close watch on the way Tonks played, as they were supposed to maintain the rhythm together. That woman was good, and she even had a similar style with Potter --the only thing that she needed to work on was only her stamina. But whenever Lupin looked away, he felt like Potter was in the room with him.
By the time they finished the first round, Black looked like he was ready to die and go to heaven.
Tying up his long hair, with his guitar still hanging on his shoulder, he just would not stop talking. “This is marvellous! We are so going to blow them away! Tonks! You’re so amazing! They wouldn’t be able to tell between you and James!”
Tonks muttered her gratitude with a pink blush on her face that almost matched the colour of her hair.
“When I tell the organiser about this …”
“Assuming we perform at the show,” Lupin added casually, taking a gulp from his glass of water.
The excitement was immediately dropped. All heads were turned towards Lupin’s direction, with Black looking as if he was just being pushed down the stairs of his own house. “Excuse me?”
“What?” Lupin responded.
Even Tonks tried to signal to him that this is not a wise move to make. From behind the drum set, she slowly shook her head while silently mouthing “No.”
“Remus. We just had hours of really, really good jam session. What do you mean ‘assuming’?”
Lupin waved his hands. “Well, it’s amazing. There’s no denying that. But I’ve told you, I was just testing the water here.”
Black crossed his arms. “You still have doubts after that?
“I haven’t made up my mind.”
“It’s kind of insulting, isn’t it?”
“No need to be insulted. I am just not entirely convinced, that’s all.”
That did it.
As a reaction, Black slammed his guitar to the floor and stormed out of the studio. He did not even make an effort to keep his voice down when he kicked the door open, and when he walked down the stairs later.
“Wait … Sirius!” Lupin ran out of the studio to catch him. He stopped at the beginning of the stairs, trying to get a clearer look of his friends downstairs. “Sirius! I’ll explain it to you!”
“There’s nothing to explain!”
That was the last thing they heard him said before the door to his bedroom was slammed.
Moments later, they heard the old lady screaming angrily about noises upstairs, but after that, the house returned to silence.
Staying on top of the stairs, Lupin did not realise how long he had been lamenting the situation when someone tapped his shoulder softly.
“I think it’s time that we find a solution,” Tonks whispered.