Chapter Text
strength
Mark Lee cannot help but admire Na Jaemin.
It’s how Jaemin is so capable, as a member, as a brother. As a best friend. It’s his undying spirit, his relentless energy, his infectious humour, but it’s mostly it’s his constant positivity.
They both have similar birthdays, and ever since their first year as trainees, some of Mark’s fondest memories are clasping hands with Jaemin at the beginning of August every year, making their wishes as they’re surrounded by the people they love the most in the world, their fellow members. He can never forget the quiet strength that always comes with Jaemin’s stable grip, or the beautiful smile that follows after they reopen their eyes to cheering.
Every year, without fail.
Except, now that Mark is graduated from Dream and they’re in completely separate units, he doesn’t know if they can keep renewing these memories. Now he doesn’t know the next time he can grab for Jaemin’s hand no matter what time of the day, the week, the year, and always receive his comfort in return.
He admires how calm and level headed the younger always is, the voice of reason within 7 raucous teenage boys of the Dreamies. He admires Jaemin’s natural presence and energy, lighting up the day of everyone around him.
Mark thinks that Jaemin would be a better leader than he is. It’s the keen sting of jealousy that arises whenever the members ignore his calls to be quiet, only to immediately stop making their racket as soon as Jaemin just looks at them. It’s not Jaemin’s fault. But Mark can’t help it.
Mark misses Jaemin. Within SM Entertainment, Mark’s outstanding dedication to his training is infamous, but secretly, the only way he could have practised so often was due to Na Jaemin. Every day, without fail, in the dull quiet of the early morning, when Mark would finally return from the dance studios, Jaemin would always be there with freshly cooked rice and fried egg. Jaemin would always be there to give him strength when he was frustrated, or to giggle with him when he was happy, or to laugh with him when he was telling one of his stories from Canada.
He admires Jaemin’s seemingly endless patience, no matter how ridiculous the members are being; he admires Jaemin’s innate self-awareness, joining in the giggles when it’s appropriate but always calming them down when they’re not.
Mark also knows that in many ways, Jaemin admires him just as much. Of course, it was the admiration any member has for their leader, willing to take full personal responsibility for any consequences the group as a whole faces, but it goes deeper than that.
Mark knows that Jaemin’s work ethic is stemmed from watching Mark’s tireless hours practicing, that his care is due to Mark always putting the needs of his members before his own. Jaemin has matured faster than the rest of NCT Dream, and Mark knows it is from watching how the idol life had impacted himself and all their seniors in the company. Jaemin has always been the type to learn from observing the experiences of others.
Most of all, Mark Lee idolises Jaemin’s boundless strength. In the year that the younger had been gone, the Dreamies had gone utterly to chaos. Mark’s fortnightly check ups to the Dream dorm changed to almost daily. Jeno stuck to Renjun like glue, Chenle was louder than ever to compensate for the silence left behind, and Jisung became sharper and sharper.
Even he himself wasn’t safe from the chaos that spread like a virus. Him and Donghyuck got into an argument that lasted all summer, to the point where even the fans had noticed. Rule number one of being an idol group was that the fans should never know about internal conflicts. Looking back, the two of them had been disgustingly obvious in their tension. The group should seem like a family to everyone looking on, even their own parents. Dissent was the first step to disbanding, was what they told them. Funny how as soon as one member leaves, this rule fell apart.
All throughout this, Jaemin sent encouraging messages to everyone, being their joy and happiness, when really he should have been the one receiving it himself. Mark couldn’t help a stab of guilt hitting him every time Jaemin sent an encouraging message accompanied with a cute kaomoji to their KaKaoTalk chat.
Now that Mark has graduated, he has no real reason to go to the Dream dorm anymore. Now that Sicheng-hyung and Ten-hyung has moved into the WayV dorms, Jungwoo-hyung could move into the 127 dorm. Now that Mark and Taeyong have the added commitments of SuperM as well, he simply cannot afford to dedicate the time to the Dreamies. Honestly, Mark barely has the time to think about them, and he misses it so incredibly much.
But they didn’t need his help there, with Jaemin and Jeno calming down Renjun’s fiery energy and Jisung’s sulkiness. Jaemin and Jeno were more than responsible enough for the four of them. They didn’t need him anymore. He’d grown up with these boys, and always had a home in them when the 127 hyungs became too adult and too nagging. He missed his best friends, but they didn’t need him anymore.
A strange feeling arises in his chest every time he opens his YouTube to see Jaemin as the thumbnail of an NCT Dream performance without him. To see Jaemin covering his parts in their old songs.
It’s worse when he’s watching it backstage at their SMTOWNs, with his younger brothers covering for /his/ lines almost like he isn’t only a few metres away from them. And yet, as much as he misses them, he can’t help but think that NCT Dream are much more complete as a six. That Jaemin fits his lines much better than he had. That despite Mark Lee’s extensive training as a trainee, Jaemin has improved so much more than he ever had.
But despite their distance, Mark knows that Jaemin is always there for him. That his younger brothers are always so incredibly supportive and proud of him, always mentioning him in their lives to each other, always spamming their group chat with teasing love. Whether it be tomorrow or forty years into the future, Na Jaemin would always be Mark Lee’s strength.
the day went on, and on and on.