Work Text:
"I'm too damn tired," Ren says, his head buried deep into his pillow. His voice sounds rough, totally missing the melodic, smooth feel of it so admired by everyone.
Masato watches his roommate from afar. He stands right in front of the window, breathing in the cool evening breeze. It was his favourite time of the day, when the sun had just set and the sky had a sweet, almost fluorescent tint to it. Everything else also shared the same tint, the trees and the grass seemed brighter than ever to the idol, the buildings were lit, their walls reflecting the vibrant light. He originally had planned to go out and enjoy the view, but now that Ren was back and he seemed absolutely devastated, he just couldn't get himself to do it.
The Kyotoite almost pitied Ren. It was rare for him to look this vulnerable and exhausted. Sure, Ren was human like everybody else and he had his down times, but he rarely let it be seen and braved through the storm by himself. Always by himself. That was probably his worst quality. Ren was, admittedly, stronger than most in terms of mentality, but he was prone to bottling things up and keeping it all to himself. He could be having fun and laughing with friends like always, but you would never know if he had the most intense of battles inside.
Ren keeps rolling around in bed, trying to find a comfortable (and cool) spot. Out of nowhere, he chuckles to himself "I don't know what I'm doing." Masato decides to join him, he quietly starts walking towards his friend. Ren glances at him.
"You can ignore me," he tells the blue haired boy. "I just really need to let it out."
"I am not going to ignore you," Masato lies down beside the other on the luxurious satin sheets, head resting on his hand. He had never liked how the fabric felt against his skin. The young man wasn't one to leave people alone at times like this. He strongly felt that a fight between them would break out any time soon, the tension in Ren's voice and manner, even gaze told him so. Nevertheless, he takes the challenge. He fixes his gaze on the deep blue eyes right in front of him.
Ren sighs "You don't need to do this, Masato. I told you, I just need to let it out, that's it."
"Then let it out. And let me listen." He's determined. Ren watches his face for a few seconds more, brows furrowed just so slightly. He closes his eyes and sighs again, turning away from Masato, now facing the ceiling. It was a familiar sight after spending endless nights staring at it and replaying scenarios with it on the background, all the bumps on the coating, every single stain created by god knows what, Ren had memorised them all.
"I don't know what I'm doing," Ren remarks. "I'm not even sure if I want to keep this going. It's tiring. It's draining me out. Do I really want to be an idol? No, fuck that, do I have what it takes to be an idol? I know I look good, for god's sake, but that's not all you need for success in this industry. Everyone looks good here." He turns to face Masato again, who watches him carefully, afraid of missing the tiniest gesture.
"Why are you thinking about all these now?" Masato asks. He realises that his voice sounds harsher than intended. "You have what it takes, Ren. You wouldn't have come this far otherwise."
The redhead suddenly sits up, aggressive "How can you know?" He almost shouts. "How can you be so sure, Masato?" He slightly leans in, as if to intimidate the other. His eyes shoot fire, and Masato feels it right in his bones.
Masato gets up on his knees. His eyes mirror the look almost hostile. "I am so sure because I know you," he raises his voice even louder, like a competition on who hits the highest note, often done among the group. "I know you can do anything as long as you put your mind to it. I have seen it. Countless of times. I have seen it in how guilty you feel when you don't complete your assignments. I have seen it in how you get up in the middle of night, only to scribble down song lyrics. I have seen it in how you watch others sing. I have seen it in your eyes, Ren Jinguuji. You're burning with passion."
Ren's eyes part wide open, he unintentionally moves closer to the other boy and looks directly into his purple eyes, menacing. Masato notices the shake of his hands made into fists, right beside his legs. The tremble, now impossible to ignore, runs up until it reaches the wide shoulders of the young man.
"You're crying," Masato whispers, as he doesn't need to speak louder to someone so close to him. He feels Ren's breath against his exposed skin. Warm and steady, it feels like a call. The call of someone close to their breaking point, hopeless and looking out for help.
"I'm not," Ren speaks, his voice shakes and it's painfully obvious. He lowers his head, avoids the other's gaze. Masato barely catches the faint shine of tears streaming down his cheek. The redhead starts sobbing, but it's so, so quiet. Masato had never seen someone cry like that before. He had certainly never seen Ren cry before, either.
He wipes the tears off Ren's face, his fingertips kind and loving as ever. "You're crying," he tells Ren again. "It's okay. Come here and cry it out." He spreads out his arms, decides to hold Ren himself as he doesn't move. Masato gently places Ren's head on his shoulder, embraces him, although hesitantly.
Ren does indeed cry it out. Masato's light shirt is completely soaked, but he doesn't care. Ren holds the younger boy's waist tightly, it's like he will growl at Masato if he dares to get out of his embrace.
"Thank you," Ren finally speaks after he's calm again. Despite the fact that his crying has stopped, and that his breathing has gone back to normal, he keeps holding Masato in his arms. The warm body of the pale boy with his shining skin right next to his. It was a dangerous thought. He wants to let go. He tries hard to let go, but his arms aren't exactly listening to him.
Masato smiles "It's okay." He slowly raises his hand, puts it on Ren's soft hair and lightly strokes. Ren's sure he's blushing. He blushes even harder when Masato places the tiniest peck on his cheek, on a spot rather close to his mouth. How could a kiss so small hold so much emotion?
Even Masato doesn't know the reason behind such a courageous act. Ren was good looking, irresistible at times, carrying enough beauty to be the very subject of the pianist's most private fantasies. However, seeing the boy so vulnerable, crying right on his shoulder while holding Masato still, had certainly awakened other kind of feelings. Even more so because Ren was no different than a proud lion almost the entirety of time. Masato giggles, rather nervously "I don't know why I did th-"
He can't properly put an end to his words, as Ren decides to pull Masato with him back onto the bed. Masato gasps, he looks at Ren, surprised. They're still in each other's embrace, and they don't seem like letting go any time soon.
Ren again places his head on Masato's shoulder, inhaling the fresh scent. He gets one hand behind Masato's back, the other holding his face as he kisses him, returning the favour. He cherishes the taste. Masato can't say a word.
"Stay with me," he says as he puts his head back, comfortable in a strange way he had never encountered before. It was like Masato's shoulder was specially made for him to put his head on.
"Don't worry about it." Masato answers. His violet eyes shine, cheeks tinted. He clings to Ren again, this time tighter than ever.