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“Captain?”
Sandalphon’s familiar voice breaks Djeeta’s musing, and she quickly wipes away her tears as best as she could with her palms. Damn it, what a timing. She’s in her worst state right now. How did he even find her? She thought he’s busy bantering with Lucio, that’s why she decides to left. Leaving them for now is better than letting them watch her break down because of her unrequited love.
Djeeta turns around, smiling sweetly at Sandalphon as if nothing happened. As if she hasn’t just crying over her lost love.
“What is it, Sandalphon? Are you done with Lucio?” Even in her state, she still teases him. Probably it will make him take less attention on her. She might be laughing right now, but if anyone look closer and paid a good attention to her, they’ll probably realize the tear tracks on her cheeks.
The Supreme Primarch blushes at Djeeta’s teasing and pouts (just a teeny tiny pout). If Belial was here, he’d turn her ‘done with Lucio’ into something akin to sexual innuendos that surely would made Sandalphon red and fuming.
“Shut up,” He averts his eyes from her and offers her a large glass of ice coffee. “Here’s your disgustingly sweet vile concoction with ice.” On his other hand he holds a cup of steaming hot black coffee that he loves so much.
Djeeta beams at that, forgetting her sadness just for a moment to spend some time with the new Supreme Primarch. “Whoa, you made my favorite!” She takes the glass from Sandalphon. “You even give it some ice. Ahh, this is perfect. Thanks, Sandalphon!” It’s a perfect drink for this sunny weather. No wonder Lucio chose this time to do laundry. Djeeta sits on the floor and leans agains the deck railing.
“Hmph. Anytime, Singularity.” He does the same, sitting beside Djeeta and sipping on his own cup of coffee. Ahh, it’s perfect. The cold, sweet, and slightly bitter taste refreshes her parched throat. Crying is such a tiring thing.
“Hey, Sandalphon, where is that ‘Captain’? Don’t go back to ‘Singularity’ again on me.” She jokes as she elbows the Supreme Primarch on th stomach, in which he replied with a grunt of protest. Djeeta has grown a lot stronger since the Cataclysm. Maybe that remark he made about her delicate fingers motivated her to become stronger. Sandalphon can even see the slight bulging of muscles on her upper arms, though those arms are still delicate for him. Besides, if she didn’t get stronger, there’s just no way that she’d be able to hold his hand when she saved him.
“Fine, Captain. There. Happy?”
The smile Djeeta gave him almost rivaled Lucio’s permanently divine aura. Almost.
“Very. I’d be happier if you called me ‘Djeeta’, though.”
Sandalphon nearly facepalmed at that if he didn’t have his coffee.
“You’re a persistent one, aren’t you.”
“You just realized that?” Djeeta fakes a dramatic gasp. “I thought you already know!”
This time it’s Sandalphon’s turn to elbow Djeeta’s side, making the blonde gasps and rubs the part with another mock pout.
“Meanie.”
“You asked for it.”
“I don’t!”
“That dramatic gasp? Oh, you definitely asked for it.”
“I’m hurt, Sandy.”
“Serves you right.”
“Meanie Sandy.”
They banter like that for several more times before they end it with a soft laugh. They return back to drinking their own coffee in a comfortable silence. This is a usual thing for them, drinking coffee in silence. It’s funny fifteen minutes spend with drinking coffee together worth more than an hour spend talking. Besides, Sandalphon is not really a talking person. Needless to say, this routine they do on daily basis strengthen their relationship. Sometimes they do this together with Vyrn and Lyria too. Sandalphon might never say this, but he enjoys every moment spent with Djeeta, Vyrn, and Lyria together with his beloved coffee.
The silence is broken when suddenly a shadow looms over Djeeta’s head. At first she thought there is a cloud or something over the sun, but then she realized that the Grandcypher flies higher than most clouds. Djeeta tips her head upwards to see Sandalphon’s multicolored wings over her head, protecting her from the sunlight.
“What are you doing there, Fluffyphon?” Fluffyphon is Djeeta’s nickname for Sandalphon’s new multicolored wings.
Sandalphon’s left eye twitches a bit at the weird nickname, but he makes no comment about it.
“The sun is harsh today. It’ll be a pain to me if you whined about sunburn.” Sandalphon tries to keep his face flat and his tone neutral, yet Djeeta could see the his concern. He always pretends as if he didn’t care, when in fact he cared and get worried a lot. He just doesn’t want others to know that he actually cares. Sandalphon would try to do his best, making sure no one get hurt, and sometimes even keeping a first aid kit nearby.
That’s one of the qualities that make Djeeta loves him.
Djeeta smiles softly and stares down at her ice coffee, feeling her chest twinges with pain. The pain she cast aside a few minutes ago is now back, threatening her eyes to fill with tears again. Why, oh why a man this sweet can’t be hers? Why? Djeeta still remembers that time when Sandalphon went astray, almost destroying this world, and almost killed her by pushing her off the cliff. She sometimes still has nightmare about falling, but she’s passed that. She has forgiven Sandalphon, though not past teasing him (she did feel bad about the guilty look he had on his face). Sandalphon needs affection, care, attention, appreciation, and above all, he needs love. Djeeta can and will give him everything. The same thing applied to Belial, though she already accepted that no matter what kind of love she can give him, he only needs Lucilius.
But Sandalphon, the man she placed her hope at, is someone she can reach. Sadly, Sandalphon now probably only needs Lucifer’s love and Lucifer’s presence beside him. Probably. Maybe. Can be. If that’s true, then, were the attention and affection she showered him every day were useless?
You could never be compared to Lucifer, you know that Djeeta.
For him, Lucifer is everything. You? A mere captain. A mere friend.
Then why? Why is he still here right now, shading her from the sun with his wings?
Because he knows that when you’re gone, he has no one to return to.
Am I…
….am I just a replacement?
“—in,”
Am I just a replacement for Lucifer?
“—oi!”
A sharp pain on her forehead snaps her back to reality. Djeeta automatically rubs her forehead, that was flicked hard by Sandalphon.
“Grancypher to Captain, are you responding?” Then she realized that she’s under Sandalphon’s close scrutiny. Djeeta quickly blinks back the tears on her eyes and pout childishly at Sandalphon.
“Owww, that hurts, Sandalphon.” Thank God it actually hurts, so now she doesn’t have to pretend that she’s crying from something else. “Look, even my tears come out.”
Sandalphon scoffs at Djeeta’s respond, flicking her at the same place again before smirking in triumph at her. “Drama queen.” Though his smile screams fondness at Djeeta’s pouting face. That’s one of many changes from Sandalphon, he now often looks fondly at something he truly likes. At Lyria, at the coffee machine, at Vyrn, at her... even at Sir Paw too, who usually almost claws his skin off.
“Why did you even do that anyway, you could have just called me.” She rubs her reddened forehead. Sometimes Sandalphon forgets that he’s now the Supreme Primarch, which has more strength than any normal human. Djeeta here is just a mere human, despite being a Singularity.
“I did. You just didn’t respond to my calling, and…” He’s silent for a few moment, while Djeeta waits until he’s finished answering her question.
Sandalphon seems reluctant to answer, until then he gives up and answers with a slight blush on his cheek.
“…a-and I got worried. D-don’t get me wrong, okay? You look like you’re up in the sky…” There, he pouts slightly again. Djeeta could see the concern in his face, in his tone, in his eyes when he stares straight at her.
She can’t help but chuckling softly. Maybe she should be more careful around Sandalphon. The Supreme Primarch is more perceptive than what she thought before. Probably because he’s been hanging around them for more than a year. The ‘human’ side in the crews has rubbeb off of him.
“I’m just thinking, that’s all.” This conversation has gone towards something Djeeta avoids. Djeeta expects this conversation and encounter to be light and less talk, not talking about this. It’d be best if no one in the Grancypher knows about how she feels right now. She should change the topic of this conversation, and diverts Sandalphon’s attention from her. Right now, she doesn’t want Sandalphon’s attention. The man has gone through a lot of things, and Djeeta doesn’t want to burden him even more with her useless, unreciprocated feelings.
“Come to think of it, you usually turn into a supreme puker around this time. Then why aren’t you puking rainbows right now?”
The blush on Sandalphon’s cheeks turn even redder at her teasing, and he averts his eyes away from her.
“Sandalphon?”
No response.
“Oooi, Sandalphon…” Djeeta pokes his cheek.
Still no response.
“Grancypher to Sandalphon, are you there?” She uses the same call Sandalphon used at her before.
Sandalphon is mumbling something under his breath, something too faint to be caught by her ear.
“What was that? I can’t hear you.”
“…I-I said, talking to you makes me feel better.”
Oh, so he was being a supreme puker before. Djeeta has to check with Rackam and Eugen later if he did puke rainbows over the railing. The way he answered her (and his answer too, of course) with that cute blushing and soft voice makes her feel honored for some reason.
Also makes her want to tease him even more.
No, no, bad Djeeta. Stop teasing the poor supreme puker.
Wait, something is wrong… hm.
“Ah!”
Djeeta immediately snatches Sandalphon’s coffee away from his hand, almost splashing it everywhere. Sandalphon makes a protesting noise at that.
“No. No more coffee.”
“Why?”
“It’s not good to drink coffee when you’re having an airsickness. Better drink more water.”
Sandalphon crosses his arms in front of his chest, though he doesn’t protest again after that. “Fine,” He grumbles at her, slightly eyeing his precious coffee that’s now in Djeeta’s hand. Djeeta can only smiles at that, Sandalphon is so obedient now, she’s amazed. Usually he acts like a teenager in his rebellious phase. Maybe everything that happened before matures him. A lot.
“Don’t worry, it won’t be wasted. I’ll drink it instead.”
“Wait, Captain don’t, it’s—“
Too late, Djeeta already downs his coffee in one gulp…
…only to make the ugliest face Sandalphon has ever seen, and almost spitting it out seconds later if not for her hand in front of her lips.
“…I’ve warned you.”
It takes probably a minute for Djeeta to swallow the coffee and another minute for her to regain her composure. There are tears welling on her eyes. Sandalphon is struggling not to laugh. What was that face? That’s basically the ugliest face Sandalphon ever seen on Djeeta’s face. In the end, he can’t hold it back and now he bursts out laughing like crazy.
“Sandalphon, you cruel, mean, puker!” Now it’s Djeeta’s turn to blush, mostly because of embarrassment. She did show Sandalphon something ugly.
“Have you seen your own face?!”
Oh, he’s laughing now, all right. Something so unlike Sandalphon.
“Fine,” Djeeta crosses her arms in front of her face, pissed. “Laugh all you want. Just let me nurse my tongue in peace.” Yes, her poor tongue was burned by the scalding hot coffee. Add the extra bitter taste to it, a pure torture for her. She likes coffee, but only when it’s mixed with a lot of cream and sugar until the bitterness of the coffee is too faint to notice.
“That’s why I warned you—hahaha!”
“No, you don’t!”
“I did—pft! Your face!” Sandalphon laughs so hard until his entire body trembles and he’s crying. “You have the ugliest face I’ve ever seen!”
“Hey!” Now she’s a bit offended. Djeeta knows she’s not as pretty as Rosetta or the other females, but she doesn’t think she’s that ugly.
Still, she couldn’t stay mad at the Supreme Primarch for too long. Especially when he’s laughing his ass off like that. Something Djeeta never saw before. Sandalphon might have opened up, but he still holds his pride up high. It’s almost, almost, impossible for him to just let loose and laugh.
Ohh, well, as long as he enjoys it, Djeeta doesn’t mind being called ugly. It’s embarrassing how needy she is for him.
Djeeta nurses her tongue by rolling around a cube of ice inside her mouth, waiting for Sandalphon’s laugh to subsides. Eventually he stops laughing and exhales, chuckling as he leans his head back on the railing. “That was funny.”
“Right, you think my face in pain is funny.”
“Oh, you bet. It’s the funniest thing I’ve ever seen.”
Again, Sandalphon stares at him with that fond eyes and a beaming smile that could rival the sun. Djeeta finds that too much and averts her eyes away, yet she can’t help a smile that formed on her face. Sandalphon’s smile is infectious.
“Whatever. There’s no way I could win against the supreme puker.”
Usually Sandalphon would get flustered at that, now he just smiles and gently puts his palm on the top of Djeeta’s blonde hair.
“Finally you smile.”
That simple sentence almost makes her spit out the ice inside her mouth.
“…huh?”
Did he… Did he realize? Is she fucked?
“Lately you look down, especially after we got back from the Etemenanki.”
“What are you talking about, Sandalphon?” Djeeta laughs, though slightly forced as she’s currently very anxious. “I’m fine, nothing is wrong with me. See? I’m laughing.”
Sandalphon stares at her with those deep red eyes. He looks like he wanted to say something, though after that he decided not to say it.
“I know you don’t trust me enough, but if… If you need someone to listen to you, well… I-I’m here…” He’s blushing again. Figures.
“…That’s not true—“ Djeeta trusts him more than he knew. It’s just… this is something she can’t tell him. It doesn’t matter with her trust, as whether she trusted Sandalphon or not, she still won’t tell him.
“No, Captain. I won’t be angry or upset if you still didn’t trust me. I, after all, almost killed you. I didn’t expect you would forgive me after that time.”
“Sandalphon, that’s not true, you know that. If I didn’t forgive nor trust you, you wouldn’t be here, among my crew. I wouldn’t even let you make coffee, or shielding me from the sun, or spending time together with Lyria and Vyrn.” Not true. Everything Sandalphon just said to her are not true at all. She loved him. She loved him a lot. He’s the person she wanted to hold her, to touch her, to kiss her and love her.
“But, Captain.” Sandalphon places his index finger on Djeeta’s lips. “I promise you now, that I won’t do anything to harm you again. I promise. I will protect you, Captain. I will never let any harm befall you, because…”
Sandalphon smiles brightly, radiantly. It’s the most sincere smile Djeeta ever saw on him.
“…because you’re my friend, Captain.” Then he offers his hand to her, just like before. Though this time, this hand radiates gentleness and sincerity.
Djeeta should be happy about that confession, she should be ecstatic that Sandalphon considers her as his friend. She should be glad, relieved, or any positive emotions she could feel.
Instead, she feels broken even further.
She feels stabbing pain in her chest, a phantom pain that makes it harder for her to breath.
Friend.
Just friend.
Yes, just a friend.
Nothing more.
This time Djeeta has nowhere to go. She can’t escape from here so she could shed her tears in peace. She must face Sandalphon and shows him her best side. She must be brave and let him go.
If this made him happy, then…
“You’re my friend too, Sandalphon.” Djeeta grins, accepting Sandalphon’s hand and shakes it firmly.
Warm.
His hand is always warm. It’s a bit calloused and rough from fighting and handling weapon, yet still comfortable to hold on.
And this warmth is not for her.
Never for her.
“Captain, from now on I’ll be on your care. Please take care of me.”
He’s so gentle, so kind, so soft.
“Me too, Sandalphon.”
See, Djeeta?
This is why you shouldn’t put too much hope on someone.