Archive of Our Own

The whispers from the vents mumble his name.

They drill in unsuspecting heart and mind,

Leaving a sickly scar bittered by fame,

a gaze so rose-colored it leaves us blind.

I'm a victim of great severity.

Pink blends with green and I am conflicted.

I wish for a lack of fidelity,

In feelings and his person constricted.

Despite it all, I do stand before him,

Daily, with a death sentence in my throat.

Heartless is my one cruelest pseudonym,

Outside butterflies and handwritten note.

Everything I've wanted just within reach,

I have not the courage to thus beseech.

  “ Thus beseech? ” Felix exclaimed, shoving

the piece of paper several inches towards

Seungmin. “This is so melodramatic.”

  “It's poetry ,” Seungmin said defensively as he took the paper back onto his desk, already scribbling out words and writing new ones in the margins. “It's not my fault you don't get it.”

  “Who says I don't get it?” Felix asked.

  Seungmin raised his eyebrows pointedly and Felix sighed, turning back to his dented, mistreated, school-issued laptop. “Good point,” he mumbled.

  Seungmin glanced around the room as if looking for better words to use. Sometimes it helped him to just get his head out of his writing for a bit, but his muse wasn't anywhere to be seen, so his inspiration was running dry. He just needed a softer word than 'drill’.

  He observed, from across the room, familiar chiseled face adorned with a stripe shaved in one eyebrow and a focus expression. Seo Changbin. He slowly moved his gaze over to Felix, who was staring at said face with his mouth open.

  Seungmin kicked him under the table.

  “You look stupid!” he hissed.

  “Maybe I am stupid!”

  A few students turned to look at them, so Seungmin glared at Felix before speaking again in a whisper. “Write your poem.”

  “I don't have any ideas!”

  “But he's right over there,” Seungmin said with a vague wave of his hand. Felix slapped his hand to stop him and glared at him.

  “All I can think about is what Hyunjin would think,” Felix said.

  Seungmin nodded and then huffed in exasperation. “Write about that, then.”

  Felix nodded and shrugged at the same time, a rather confusing gesture, and set to staring at his mostly blank document. Seungmin watched him for a little while longer to make sure he was working before turning his attention away.

  Writing came easy to Seungmin, especially poetry. It was a pastime for him even when they didn't have to do it for a grade - not that he'd admit it to most people. Poetry isn't a cool thing for people to be into, though Felix and his other friends didn't seem to care. He worried that Hyunjin would.

  The bell rang and Seungmin slung his backpack over his shoulder, turning to Felix to say goodbye only to find him staring at Changbin's back. “Felix.”

  “Huh?”

  “Seriously.”

  Felix shook his head and started to gather his things. Changbin left as a certain very tall figure appeared in the doorway. This one was familiar to Seungmin in all the weirdest ways as Hwang Hyunjin.

   Hyunjin took Changbin's hand in his own and they walked together down the hallway until they parted ways with a sickly sweet gaze in each other's eyes. They were met with teasing from their close friends and whoops of encouragement from the more distant. The whole mass of students in the hallway seemed to bend around them. Seungmin sighed and followed behind Hyunjin downstairs and into a familiar conference room.

  The room was lackluster, with mostly blank walls and a very long dark wooden table. On either side of the table and at the far head were black conference chairs. Yang Jeongin, the secretary, was already setting up the cheesy name plates they had from Seungmin's freshman year. He placed the”Secretary” label in front of his seat, the “Treasurer” one in front of Seungmin's designated chair across from it, and the “Principal” at the empty head of the table. As the other students filed in, they stole their “Councilmen” plaques from Jeongin's pile on the floor and placed them in front of their own chairs. Seungmin couldn't help but smile as he sat down.

  Hyunjin had already taken his place... kind of. He was sitting on top of the table at his “councilmen” position with his feet in the chair. Jeongin hissed at him in annoyance, so Hyunjin stood up again, carding a hand through his black hair as he resumed his rightful spot. Seungmin averted his eyes quickly.

   To Seungmin's right was a label that read “Advisor”, and an identical one across from it. Sitting behind the labels were two smiley figures, (a student known as) Lucas and Lee Donghyuck, advisors handpicked by none other than the graduated former president, Taeyong. Taeyong was a near perfect leader, but Seungmin had yet to see exactly what he had seen in either of them. They were a bizarre match. Donghyuck had tan skin and hair colored only slightly darker, with a voice that angels would probably be jealous of, even when talking. Lucas was tall, occasionally ungraceful, and louder than anyone Seungmin had ever met. They also had rather… interesting leadership tactics. The next president, Mark, managed to put up with their crackhead behavior, but-

  “Hello, everyone!” Donghyuck started loudly, standing up from his spot, kicking his chair halfway across the conference room.

  Lucas laughed and Donghyuck glared at him.

  “So, as you all know, Mark has returned to Canada, to be with the moose and his family.”

  There were sounds of agreement from all the councilmen.

  “So, we have to elect a new student council president, which is voted on by the student body. Nobody is allowed to campaign anymore, after what somebody tried to do last year-”

  Lucas stood up quickly. “That was a totally legitimate tactic!”

  “Offering up Jisung Park , a freshman , as a homework slave? ” Donghyuck argued. “I'm ashamed I didn't think of it first. But still.”

  Lucas sat down and grinned triumphantly.

  One of the seniors, who wasn't president only for a lack of time, raised his hand.

  “Yes, Chris?” Donghyuck asked.

  “Just a suggestion? Let’s never do that again,” Chris said.

  “Overruled,” Donghyuck said as he turned away from him.

  Chris spluttered in protest and Donghyuck laughed, waving it off as a joke. “Anyway,” he continued, “everyone in the club will be put on the ballots except for Lucas-”

  “What? Why?”

  “ Homework slave ,” Seungmin reminded him.

  “Exactly. Also, anyone who doesn't wish to be in the running for president, speak now or forever suffer in silence.”

  Chris raised his hand again. “Too busy, can't.”

  Donghyuck looked at Jeongin, who was writing the names down. A few others raised their hands with similar claims and Lucas continued to pout.

   “Okay! Now, about our yearbook photo, I was thinking-”

  Seungmin figured his immediate attention wasn't required and looked for something else to avert it to, inevitably falling on Hyunjin yet again. He was looking at Donghyuck as he spoke with his face propped up lazily on one hand, black hair a mess, but not unfortunately so, occasionally nodding and mouthing words of affirmation. He was mesmerizing.

  Hyunjin's warm brown eyes met Seungmin's and his heart hiccuped. He turned away.

  “Also, Seungmin, how much money does student council have currently?”

  “Uhm. We have to fund a trip soon, right?” Seungmin said, trying to compose himself as he flipped through his notebook.

  “Yes.”

  “And that's going to cost…?”

  “Twenty five thousand won for each member.”

  “How many members do we have?”

  Donghyuck glanced and Jeongin, who then answered. “Twenty five.”

  “So... six hundred and twenty-five thousand won?”

  “Yes.”

  “We have five thousand,” Seungmin read.

  The whole room released a collective sigh.

  “I guess we're fundraising again,” Donghyuck said.

  Seungmin loved fundraising, generally because he wasn't a part of it and just got to manage the financial aspect of the whole thing. The lack of participation kept him far from Hyunjin, the most distracting and frustrating thing about student council as a whole.

  “Singing prom grams!” Hyunjin suggests, jumping up and down in his seat. It was cute.

  Donghyuck smiles. “Actually, you might be onto something there.”

  “Can't we just do a bake sale or something?” someone asked. Seungmin didn't bother to look around.

  “No. This'll be fun!” Donghyuck said. “Seungmin, start taking notes.”

  After spending the rest of their allotted use of the conference room planning the specificities, the fundraising team was assembled and set to work. The Promposal Singing Grams were in action.

~~~

  Felix covered the blooming bruise above his left eyebrow tentatively with an ice pack, wincing back from the cold and the pain.

  “I am so sorry,” Jisung said again. “Really, you should have been paying more attention, but I'm sorry.”

  “Uh. It's fine?” Felix mumbled. “But seriously, that is not how you play defense.”

  “Whatda ya mean?”

  “Kicking the ball right into the opposing offender?”

  “Good point.”

  “Felix!”

  Felix jerked at the familiar voice. Changbin's hair had grass in it, as did most other parts of him, and he was sweaty and objectively gross looking, but Felix still felt his breath knocked out of him - this time, it wasn't even by a soccer ball.

  “We need to practice more! If you're doing okay, that is, I just really want to go to finals-”

  Felix stood and allowed a massive Changbin-induced grin to stretch over his face. “All good! Tiger roar.”

  “Tiger roar,” Changbin recited back to him.

  He resumed his position on the field.

  The rest of soccer practice went smoothly. Felix found it a lot easier to ignore Changbin when he was doing something he liked maybe even more than him, like soccer or dancing or making fun of Seungmin incessantly. As soon as he took a break, though, Changbin's perfect jawline and contagious laugh had him trapped again, as if he was tangled in the soccer net like Jisung during their first match of freshman year.

  “Water break!” their coach yelled, followed by an ear-piercing whistle. Felix jogged over to the bench and nursed his water slowly.

  “You good?”

  He struggled to swallow as he turned to face Changbin. “Huh?”

  “Your face. Are you okay?”

  Felix touched the bruise instinctively. “Oh, yeah. I've certainly had worse.”

  Changbin nodded and wandered off to talk to someone else. Felix shook his head at himself.

  They ran several of tortuous laps before their coach announced the end of practice, freeing them all to go about their lives, but all of Felix's thoughts remained with Changbin and their lackluster conversation. Felix knew he was making things harder than they needed to be, but he couldn't manage to just not do that.

  “Felix!”

  He flinched, assuming another soccer ball was about to pelt him in the face, but Seungmin was just trying to get his attention from a rather far distance.

  “Just a second!” Felix yelled back.

  He ran back to the locker room to grab his backpack, trying not to glance at Changbin as he ran beside him on the way there, and leaving quickly with too many thoughts in his head.

  Changbin made his life difficult.

  “Yongbokkie!”

  Felix came to a halt in the hallway and faced Hyunjin, smiling and glowing, and his heart twisted again. Felix felt like a bad person for how he felt about Changbin, about a member of the school's biggest power couple, about Hyunjin's boyfriend. He tried to shake the guilty look that had creeped on to his face.

  “Yeah?”

  Hyunjin laughed. “Is Changbin in the locker room?”

  Felix nodded.

  Hyunjin left.

  He walked at a much more reasonable pace as he left the building and found Seungmin standing at the door, typing aggressively on his phone, and Felix placed his face just within his line of sight.

  “Hey,” Seungmin said, surprised, and put his phone in his back pocket.

  Felix laughed. “Shall we?”

  Felix and Seungmin didn't used to be friends. They weren't even in the same circles, really, but Seungmin had become attached to a freshman named Jeongin who had joined dance team the year before, and Felix knew everyone on dance team. They had met in passing, but only started talking when Seungmin had caught Felix staring open-mouthed at the back of Changbin's head.

   “Hmm. Changbin?”

  Felix couldn't be bothered to do anything but nod. “Don't… tell anyone? I just. Yeah. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.”

  “It's alright,” Seungmin said with a sigh as he sat down in the seat next to him. It had someone else's backpack on it, as they had claimed it earlier in the lunch period, but Seungmin didn't seem to care. “I mean. Hyunjin.”

  “Hyunjin?” Felix said, looking at Seungmin and his unreadable expression as he looked at Hyunjin, who was sitting across the room.

  “Hyunjin,” he answered.

   Somehow, after that, they were just friends. Best friends, each crushing on a different half of the most popular couple at school. It was comical, horrendous, a cruel joke, but Felix genuinely appreciated Seungmin's friendship, even without the whole fiasco behind its formation. Even if his relationship with Changbin remained strictly distant (and even though it probably would), Changbin had given him Seungmin, the studious poet with a scarily mischievous side who probably wouldn't be interested in talking to the crackhead, self-conscious meme that Felix believed himself to be. It was probably the nicest thing Changbin would ever do for him.

  “What happened to your face?” Seungmin asked.

  “Uh. Jisung hit me with the ball.”

  Seungmin laughed. “Your fault or his?”

  “Guess.”

  Seungmin nodded thoughtfully.

  “Anyway, how was student council?”

  “We have to fundraise again,” Seungmin said with a sigh.

  “But don't you love fundraising?” Felix said, kicking a pebble on the sidewalk.

  “It's still a hassle. And we're doing promposal singing grams. All that love stuff makes me wanna cough my lungs out.”

  “Really?” Felix said. “I think it's kind of nice.”

  “Oh, come on, we both know you'll be pouting about being single the second you see a cute couple.”

  Felix dramatically clenched his hand over his heart and let out a feigned sob. “I'm just so lonely!” he cried dramatically.

  Seungmin flicked the side of his head. Felix's wails morphed into ones of exaggerated but genuine agony. Seungmin chuckled and pulled Felix away from the road, which he was stumbling dangerously close to in his acting frenzy.

  Felix laughed as he regained his bearings. “Well, as long as you get to go on that trip, right?”

  “That's the hope,” Seungmin said.

  Seungmin soon parted ways to follow down his street, leaving Felix alone with his thoughts again. When everyone was gone, they tended to cycle back to Changbin.

  Felix felt as if his life, maybe, was a joke.

~~~

  By Thursday, Seungmin has the student council makeshift cash register, a notebook, and a lot of over-the-top decorations on a desk right outside the conference room. From seven to eight, he sat there, collecting orders and money for grams, Lucas sitting beside him.

   “What are you even doing here?” Seungmin asked.

  “Hyuck disappeared, and I don't know where he went.”

  “What's he doing?”

  “Hanging posters.”

   Seungmin imagined Donghyuck hanging up hundreds of posters, in places where people probably wouldn't find them until after Donghyuck had already graduated. A lasting legacy.

   “That's concerning,” Seungmin said.

  “Seungmin!” Jisung shouted, walking up to the desk and slamming his palms down on it.

  “...yes?” Seungmin said.

  “I need one for Minho.”

  “Aren't you two already dating?” Seungmin asked.

  Jisung nodded, his face resolute. “I'll pay you.”

  Seungmin shrugged and wrote it down, taking Jisung’s money. He skipped away down the hallway.

  “Wasn't Minho here earlier?” Lucas asked.

  “Yes.”

  “And he bought one for Jisung?”

  “Yes.”

  Lucas giggled. “That's so cute!”

  Seungmin laughed. “But they're both so stupid. ”

  “So?” Lucas said simply, a wide smile still

his face.

  The bell rang and Seungmin, not being a senior, actually had to go to class. He said goodbye to Lucas and made his way to the chemistry lab.

  Chemistry was the most interesting class of Seungmin's day for several reasons.

  First of all, chemistry was the first hour of the day. During first hour, every student was high on exhaustion and coffee, and was much more irritable than during the rest of their classes. Some people showed up late, even the teacher didn't want to be here, and no one has done the lesson yet that day, so the teacher would also be learning from her mistakes.

  Second, chemistry is an extremely hard subject. Seungmin struggled with it, as did everyone else. This led to a very emotional time, and mental breakdowns over formulas were a commonplace, if not daily, occurrence. Seungmin would be lying if he said he had never suffered one in that classroom as well.

  Third, chemistry lab involved chemicals. Oftentimes, it often involved fire, explosions, and things breaking. While that could happen in all other classes, it was part of the assignment with chemistry, and the teacher enabled their destructive behaviors.

  Fourth, Seungmin's lab partner was Changbin, and Hyunjin and Felix sit at the same table all the way across the room. That, on top of everything else, led to personal conflict and a ridiculous amount of incidents.

  Seungmin entered the lab that day hoping for a peaceful procedure, but expecting just the opposite. The experiment had been dubbed the “mythical cloud” by their teacher, and then renamed to “420 blaze it” by some more creative students. The experiment involved, in theory, a few chemicals and a tea bag generating a cloud of oxygen.

  When Seungmin entered the classroom, Changbin was already trying to put his lab goggles on in a way that wasn't uncomfortable, a completely fruitless effort. Seungmin knew without even glancing that Felix was staring at him. However, when Seungmin glanced over to their table, he just found himself looking at Hyunjin. Seungmin scoffed internally at his own hypocrisy. Hyunjin actually looked good with those stupid plastic goggles on his face. But Changbin tapped Seungmin's shoulder, averting his attention.

  “Are we gonna start?” he asked.

  Seungmin nodded.

  Chemistry projects are always boring, until they’re not.

  With little of Changbin's help, Seungmin's beaker was the first to spew smoke, gathering glances from others. Felix clapped.

  Other plumes filled the classroom and Seungmin just sat at his seat with Changbin, watching warily as he filled out his post-lab worksheet. They both stared as Felix and Hyunjin created a cloud of vapor and high-fived each other with a laugh.

  Seungmin saw that Changbin was smiling, and Seungmin knew he probably looked just as love-struck. There was something in the air, Seungmin swore, and it wasn't just “mythical clouds”.

~~~

Maybe he's everything that's ever mattered,

and around him is a void, cold and lost.

He must be nothing to my heart unshattered.

The metal clink of the doors has clattered,

the line of entry has been long crossed,

Yet he must be nothing to my heart unshattered.

It’s difficult to speak with thoughts so scattered.

Even when his warm voice melts the frost,

He must be nothing to my heart unshattered.

A velvet smile leaves the strongest flattered.

The endorphins come with the heavy cost

That he must be nothing to my heart unshattered.

Even when the art of expression is mastered,

It comes with a deep message embossed:

He must be nothing to my heart unshattered.

My own rejection of it leaves me too tattered,

And with love, my eyes much too glossed.

Maybe he's everything that ever mattered,

But he must be nothing to my heart unshattered.

  “This is so good ,” Felix said as he leaned back in his chair and dragged a hand over his face. “How do you do it?”

  “Practice,” Seungmin said with a smile.

  Felix sighed. “You need to help me sometime, really,” he said. “All this muse stuff isn't really cutting it.”

  “They don't have to be about love, you know,” Seungmin advised.

  “Can I write about cats?”

  “Presumably, but I was thinking more along the lines of Australia or dancing or, I don't know, crippling anxiety.”

  “Oh.”

  “And it's due tomorrow, so you have to figure something out.”

  Seungmin was scribbling quickly on a piece of paper, the way Felix knew he preferred to draft his poems, but he seemed more stressed and frantic than usual.

  “Whatcha writing?”

  Seungmin put down his pen and leaned towards Felix so he could lower his voice, though the room was so full of chatter no one could have heard him anyway. “Hyunjin came in this morning. To buy a promposal gram for Changbin.”

  Felix tried to maintain an impartiality he didn't have. “Okay?”

  “And then Changbin came in and bought one for Hyunjin. Same song.”

  “Man, that's cute,” Felix fumed.

  “Tell me about it,” Seungmin said, returning to his writing. “I mean, I'm glad they're happy-”

  “Obviously.”

  “I just wish…”

  “He could be happy with you.” Felix said, nodding in understanding. “Believe me, I get it.”

  Seungmin didn't respond and Felix decided to really try to think of everything he could write about. But his mind still returned to Changbin, always Changbin, and he started a new sonnet.

Not everything has to be about you.

 He smiled.

 Writing came easier when he just tried to access his anxieties as they were, buried in his mind and saved for a time when he “needed” them. He made a sizable dent in it and hardly even looked at Changbin for the whole class period. He was proud of himself.

  The bell rang and Felix made his way out the door and quickly to the locker rooms to change for dance practice.

  The all male dance team at their school was one of few of its kind, and they used to be made fun of before Hyunjin joined. And now Felix had befriended Jeongin, Hyunjin, Minho, and a few others, all people who probably wouldn't have talked to him otherwise. And the thing that made it the most relaxing was Changbin's absence.

  Felix walked out into the cavernous gymnasium. He was the first one there, generally, because Felix was perpetually anxious and therefore perpetually early, just in case. Jeongin entered soon after and began to stretch with him.

  People continued to file in, last being Hyunjin (as per usual), and Felix counted to be sure everyone was there. He determined that they all were and smiled. He had almost forgotten about Hyunjin and Changbin when he looked at the former. Almost.

  When practice was over, Felix walked home alone, as Seungmin had already left, and let his thoughts wash over him.

  Changbin and Hyunjin were together. He figured he should just accept it, move on, go back to Australia someday and escape it all. He didn't want to leave Seungmin, though. And he figured he'd still miss Changbin. And maybe there really wouldn't be anyone else. Felix felt equally hopeless either way.

  Felix thought too much, really, and he needed to think less about Changbin and more about the soccer game that would allow them to advance to districts so that they could go to regionals and, if they manage it, to go to finals, but that really would be too much, and maybe Felix would be too much of a burden on the team-

  Felix walked into his house and shook his head quickly. He always ended up doing that.

  He made a mental note to stop thinking so much, thus cluttering his brain even more and making the problem worse, but he forced himself not to think about it.

~~~

  Seungmin watched Felix be worried for the rest of the week, but he himself wasn't doing that badly. Student council and poetry writing managed to distract him, mostly, from the horrors of his pining for Hyunjin. Not to mention Hyunjin wasn't even that cute or anything (lies) and Seungmin didn't have that big of a crush on him (also a lie). What a mess.

  That Friday at lunch, a familiar generic love song came playing from the large student council-owned boombox, causing Seungmin to roll his eyes and look at Felix. However, Felix's eyes were fixed in the direction of the singing student council mob, all heading towards Hyunjin, sitting with a table of cheerleaders and upperclassmen. Hyunjin seemed only mild surprised.

  “Not a very creative song choice,” Seungmin grumbled as he turned away.

  Felix reluctantly did the same and sighed.

  Seungmin saw the troubled look on Felix's face and let his bitterness fall away. “You doing okay?”

  Felix shrugged. “I guess.”

  Seungmin shook his head. Felix generally thought a lot about things he didn't really need to worry about, and Seungmin hadn't exactly figured out how to help with it yet.

  “What's going on?”

  “Ya know, stuff,” Felix said.

  Seungmin raised his eyebrows.

  Felix's shoulders fell. “Well, Changbin and Hyunjin are being loud, literally and figuratively, and we have districts today, and my poetry writing still isn't going great, and I just want to sleep for several years.”

  Seungmin nodded thoughtfully. “Mood.”

  Felix laughed.

  “I can help you with that poem,” Seungmin said, lowering his voice as the loud music finally left the cafeteria. “And you're probably going to do great at… soccer. Sports. I don't know.”

  “You play baseball-”

  “Didn't ask,” Seungmin said, trying to stifle a laugh and failing.

  Felix nudged Seungmin's shoulder with his own and Seungmin pretended to nearly fall out of his chair.

  After he steadied himself, Felix's worried expression returned.

  “Well. Have you finished that sonnet? I presume you'll be missing class for soccer or whatever.”

  “I'll send it to you, yeah?”

  Seungmin nodded. “You got it, Shakespeare.”

  Felix snorted.

  The bell for the end of lunch quickly sounded and Seungmin proceeded on his way to suffer through his classes, keeping up the “smart kid” facade and trying not to seem at all like he just wanted to take a nap. People seemed to think Seungmin came to school, did homework, and studied - nothing else. Rolling his eyes at that didn't help the perception that he was cold and heartless.

   Seungmin finally read the poem when he got to his last class.

Not everything has to be about you.

But I see your voice and hear your presence.

And you are what my mind returns to,

Not allowing me breaths in your absence.

In the future, there's a world without you.

I'll live there but I can't imagine what

Will occupy my idle daydreams, who

Will save me or leave my feelings to rot.

There's a fork that converges a mile down.

There's no exit and no destination.

There's only me and my hopes to be found

When you are blind with infatuation.

There may be plenty of willing saviors,

But one to stop the cyclic behaviors.

  Seungmin couldn't keep himself from smiling.

  It expressed Felix's emotions, obviously, given that he had many and put them into everything he did, but what Seungmin marveled at was the effectiveness. And the fact that he had done it, truly, and followed all the rules. Seungmin had counted the iambic pentameter on his fingers. Not one inconsistency, which showed an unwillingness to break the rules, but Felix had an unwillingness to break the rules. It fit.

   He was proud. Seungmin didn't appear to be or even identify as a person who got so soft, but Seungmin was proud of Felix. He was mildly upset that Felix wasn't there for him to praise, but he reserved it.

   Seungmin heard the very distinct voice of Han Jisung from across the classroom. “ Wow , Binnie, this is emo! ”

  Of course, Changbin was gone, so he couldn't force Jisung to shut up. “Where's the submit button? Changbin asked me to do this?”

  “I can't find it? Oh wait, I think I. Uh? I got it. I got it. It's fine.”

  Jisung closed the laptop quickly and Seungmin heard several notifications go off from phones the room, including his own. He couldn't help the smirk as he reloaded the site where they submitted their assignments.

  “Yo Jisung! You pressed 'share with class’!” someone yelled from a few seats over.

  Seungmin clicked on the document to open it. Fundamentally, Seungmin wasn't exactly nice or upstanding, and if there was a chance to read a poem about his best friend's crush's love life, he would take it in a heartbeat - and he did.

There is no real trouble in paradise.

Only the sun, Icarus, the sea,

And the bizarre feeling as the tides rise

And fall to show what I couldn't see.

He is the sand everything's made of,

Colorful stained glass we admire

But the one behind it is the love

That the cold hoards claim to require.

I'm the only one who has it, though,

For now and for always, uncertain,

As the sea is. He is the sun, so

I hope to see him through the cloud curtain.

Under the billions of stars, there's us,

Living only how we know we must.

   It's good, Seungmin decided. The symbolism stuck with him, but there was no Icarus other than the second line, only the sun and the sea and the sand. It was good, but the vibes were strange and the underlying feeling was suspicious, but-

  “Yo, this is gay!” someone teased.

  “Yo, I'm gay!” Jisung sassed back.

  Laughter broke out across the room and the teacher removed the document with a sigh. Seungmin screenshotted it and tried to continue his work.

~~~

  Felix burst into Seungmin's house uninvited, as he often did, grass-stained and exhausted with a big grin on his face. His sweat had long dried but his hair was greasy enough that he could have just been rolling around on the floor of a certain fast food restaurant kitchen instead of playing soccer. He greeted Seungmin's parents and bounded into his room.

   “Felix,” Seungmin greeted with a growing smile. Felix flopped down on Seungmin's bed with a happy sigh, staring at the ceiling.

  “...so what's got you so happy?” Seungmin asked.

  Felix sat up quickly to face him, the words bubbling out of him. “We won!”

  Seungmin smiled, but was evidently still confused. “Good, but why are you so…?”

  Felix flopped down again. He couldn't stop himself from moving around. “Changbin sat with me on the bus back!”

  Seungmin's eyebrows rose. “But doesn't he always-”

  “Sit with Jisung? Yeah! Sorry for interrupting you, I just-”

  “No, it's fine, keep going.”

  “Okay. So, anyway, I save a couple of things and generally I did pretty well and Jisung was being a little annoying and so he sat with me!”

  “Did you talk to him?” Seungmin asked.

  “A little. About soccer. But still!”

  Seungmin high-fived him and laid down beside him on the mattress. “So? When are you going to regionals?”

  “I didn't really think that far ahead,” Felix admitted. “I assume it's next week.”

  Seungmin sat bolt upright. “Speaking of Changbin. You probably aren't going to like this, but do you wanna see it anyway?”

  Felix was uncertain.

  “It's not anything awful,” Seungmin added, retrieving his laptop from his chair by the door and opening it.

  “Alright…”

  It was a poem, a sonnet, written by Changbin. Felix swallowed hard and read it.

  “Doesn't this seem kind of…?”

  “Distant?” Seungmin finished. “It does. I thought it was interesting.”

  “I mean, not that I'm praying for them to break up-” Felix started.

  “Of course not-”

  “I want him to be happy-”

  “Yes, but it's just that-”

  “I really like him-”

  “So it would be nice,” Seungmin finished.

  Sometimes talking at the same time wasn't confusing, just more efficient. Felix laughed.

  “So, how's that student council thing going?” Felix asked.

  “Oh, right! Voting started today for student council president,” Seungmin said. “It goes until next Friday.”

  “Did you vote?”

  “Yes,” Seungmin said.

  “For who?” he asked sarcastically.

  “Guess.”

  Felix giggled. “Well, I'll vote for you, too.”

  “I heard a lot of people say I was definitely going to win, so I'm fairly certain.”

  “Fairly certain?”

  “Totally sure. I'm great. Obviously I'll win.”

  They both laughed at that.

  The rest of Felix's weekend was spent practicing soccer (during which Changbin did talk to him - more than usual, he would say) and hanging out with Seungmin and a few other friends from school. He tried his best not to think about schoolwork and Changbin but ultimately failed. Felix cast his student council vote. It doesn't take much guessing to figure out who he voted for.

  Monday came soon and Felix found himself in Chemistry doing a worksheet, Hyunjin sitting next to him but his torso twisted all the way around to talk to some girl behind him.

  “What gas was released when we… Hyunjin.”

  “Hmm?” Hyunjin said, his body reorienting itself to face the front.

  “The worksheet. Come on,” Felix said with a laugh.

  “I’m sorry. Let's work.”

  They did, but Felix kept being distracted by the loud voices of Seungmin and Changbin.

   “You can't get lead poisoning from a tea bag-”

  “Says you, ” Changbin snarked back.

  Felix could hardly keep from laughing. The teacher finally had to hush them after Seungmin let out a particularly loud “what are you talking about?”, and their whispers were angry still, but at least quieter.

  Seungmin and Changbin really did get along. But Chemistry was an interesting setting of high tensions and high levels of exhaustion.

  Before the bell rang, Felix and Hyunjin had finished the worksheet, and Changbin and Seungmin had been praised for their ability to ‘bounce ideas off each other’. All together, not a bad class.

  Of course, everything was destined to change, or at least Felix's perception was. He couldn't go a whole day without one thing going wrong.

  While on his way to fourth period, it showed itself in the form of Han Jisung sliding down the railing of the main staircase at the encouragement of Lucas and Haechan and the worry of Chris. Felix observed him with a mixture of concern and interest as he neared the bottom, and watched with a heavy heart as Jisung stopped suddenly. The force of the sudden stop sent him flying off the side of the railing.

  He held his left hand out to catch himself and his wrist gave a horrendous crunch. The hall fell silent.

  Jisung stood up and smiled, evidently in pain. “'s all good!”

  Chris was soon pulling him by the uninjured arm to the nurse's office.

  For the rest of of his classes, he couldn't stop thinking about Jisung's arm. If anything was injured - as it surely was - he wouldn't be able to play on Friday, and there would have to be someone to fill in his offense position. The alternate for his position, Kevin Moon, was good, but the things he brought to the game were just not the same. Jisung was their secret weapon, really, and without him, it'd be tough. Maybe impossible. Felix hated being so negative all the time, but it always seemed to happen, and it invaded his thoughts when he needed it the least.

  Seungmin sat down beside him at the beginning of their last class. “Good news! We finished fundraising for student council, so now I don't have to see any more cute couple's being all gross and we get to go to that conference on Wednesday. I had no clue it was so soon, but apparently we went into debt to pay for it. You aren't listening, are y-”

  “Sorry,” Felix interrupted, his eyes finding Changbin's as he entered the room with a worried expression on his sculpted face. Against his own better judgement, Felix stood to go talk to him. “Changbin, do you know anything about Jisung?”

  “He's out,” Changbin said, running a hand through his hair. “He sprained wrist.”

  “Oh jeez. That's really not good.”

  “He's a bit of an idiot,” Changbin said with a laugh. “But Kevin can fill in. It'll be okay.”

  “It'll be okay,” Felix repeated.

  “Is that what was happening with all that yelling after third hour?” Seungmin asked as Felix returned to his seat.

  Felix groaned and set his head on the desk.

~~~

  The student council meeting after school that Monday revealed several things.

  First of those is that tensions due to the election we're higher than expected. They were unspoken, except in the case of Haechan and Lucas, which was to be expected.

  Second, the fundraiser's end actually made some people disappointed, which confused Seungmin even though he had enjoyed it on some level.

  Third, the dread roommate arrangements.

  No one gets to pick roommates for any trips because of some strange prior instances involving a lot of screaming and a fire (rumors have it that it was actually just Kim Doyoung pulling the fire alarm on accident), so receiving roommates was always scary.

  Seungmin found his name on the list and read the other three.

   Yang Jeongin.

   So far so good.

  Kim Donghyuck.

   Seungmin cringed at the use of Haechan's birth name. Seungmin actually liked his name, but no one tended to call Haechan by it. He thought it was kind of a shame.

  Seungmin could almost feel that something was going to go terribly wrong before he read the next name, and he was, painfully, correct.

   Hwang Hyunjin.

  The world was a joke to Kim Seungmin in that moment. It was like a drama or something - totally ridiculous, and he would have laughed if Hyunjin wasn't jumping up and down behind him with endearing excitement. “Seungminnie! We're roommates!”

  “Yeah!” Seungmin said with the realest laugh he could muster, looking at Hyunjin's perfectly crinkled eyes.

  He prayed for himself.

  As soon as student council ended, Seungmin began speed-walking to the soccer field, finding Felix already changed and not-so-subtly gawking at Changbin. Seungmin shook his head and called his name.

  Felix turned around and ran towards him with a smile, but it soon fell. “Seungmin, bro. You look miserable.”

  “You won't even believe who I have to room with for this trip,” he said as they started towards the sidewalk.

  “Is it Lucas? That'd be bad-”

  “It's Hyunjin ,” he whispered, and Felix's eyes went wide.

  “Seriously?”

  “Yeah. And Haechan, who is absolutely chaotic. ”

  “Chaotic gay,” Felix said thoughtfully.

  “Precisely. I just feel like it's going to be such a mess.”

  “Maybe it's your chance to really get to know him?” Felix suggested. “I know it'll feel awkward, but…”

  “I don't think so.”

  “I believe in you.”

  “My doom is fast approaching,” Seungmin deadpanned, letting his arms hang at this sides. Felix pushed his shoulders back so he was standing straight and shook his head.

  “You have to be more positive than that.”

  “Like you're the most optimistic person on Earth,” Seungmin teased with an elbow at Felix's arm.

   “I’m trying my best!” he argued.

  “Maybe I'm trying my best, too!”

  “... you're not.”

  “True.”

  Seungmin appreciated Felix's ability to distract him without even changing the subject. Felix was the perfect image of a best friend, really.

  Seungmin arrived home, did his homework in an attempt to distract himself, and went to sleep early. The world felt strange.

  Wednesday came sooner than anticipated, and Seungmin arrived at school with his bag, wearing sweatpants for the long bus ride, face still swollen from sleep as it was five in the morning. He wanted to have a window seat so he would be sitting close to the least amount of people possible, but Jeongin summoned him to sit beside him. He did.

  As the rest of student council boarded the bus, Seungmin was already anticipating a mess.

  At the front of the bus were most of the girls in student council - mild crackheads led by a girl by the name of Yeji. Behind them were the more reasonable members of society, or at least those who appeared to be. Chris, Kim Woojin, Huang Renjun, and most of the others.

  Behind that group was a mixture of everything else. Right behind Chris and Woojin was where Seungmin was sitting with Jeongin. Hyunjin was to his left, in the aisle seat, with a girl named Dahyun in the window seat. Behind them were Haechan and Lucas, of course. Seungmin was ready for an assault on his ear drums.

  After Haechan had positively blasted their former classmate Taeyong's mixtape, things actually did calm down a little. Jeongin fell asleep, Hyunjin was talking to Dahyun, and Seungmin had his headphones in listening to DAY6. Chris and Woojin were being parents trying to say that “no, Haechan, we can't play Cards Against Humanity. Think of Jeongin!”

  “I wanna play,” Jeongin said, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

  “No, you don't,” Chris interjected. “I will confiscate those cards-”

  “With what authority?” Haechan teased.

  Woojin stood and glanced around. “Who here believes Chris holds supreme parental authority?”

  Lucas scoffed. “Haechan, put your hand down.”

  Seungmin laughed and Hyunjin giggled , soft and pleasant. Seungmin was screwed.

  They stopped for lunch while still a few hours out, at around noon, at a McDonald's, which was the worst place to let high schoolers roam free, in Seungmin's opinion. His belief was only solidified when Jeongin waltzed up to the ordering kiosk and tapped on the ‘happy meal’ option. Seungmin watched and stood with him, chin on his shoulder as he picked his toy (a tiny stuffed cat) and all of his individual items. He pressed complete and stepped aside to let Seungmin order his ridiculous amount of french fries.

  Haechan emerged from the counter and sat down at the large table the whole group had secured with an armful of Oreo McFlurries. Seungmin could see the employee behind the counter rubbing his temples in exhaustion. He sympathized, but he had to admit that the screaming, the joy, the big mess that was student council, was infectious and he found himself grinning at Lucas's ridiculous misunderstandings and Jeongin's hatred of Seungmin's own bothersome behavior.

  Seungmin was a crackhead too, deep down.

  Everyone grew tired by the time they returned to the bus, Seungmin hanging on Jeongin's shoulder and Hyunjin carrying Dahyun to the bus with an exhausted but wide smile on his face. Perfect.

   Most of them slept for the rest of the ride. By the time they arrived at the hotel, the moon was out, illuminating Hyunjin's sleepy face and hurting Seungmin's sensitive eyes. Seungmin poked Jeongin a few times to get him up. They stumbled through the bus, grabbing their bags and trying to get everyone awake, eventually all settling in the lobby while their adult supervision - the extremely tired Mrs. Park - checked in. Seungmin was struck with the realization that he still had to share a room with Hyunjin, but he was so tired that he just couldn't bring himself to care. Mrs. Park handed Haechan the roomkey, who immediately began to shout. “Jeongin! Let's race!”

  Jeongin seemed unenthusiastic but he still rushed to the elevator. Seungmin just waited.

  He walked into the hotel room, Haechan and Jeongin already changed and lying down in one of the beds with Haechan definitely faking his snore. He rolled his eyes and Hyunjin meandered in, hair messy, closing the door softly behind him. Seungmin's eyes met the remaining bed and he realized what Haechan and Jeongin had done to him. He looked at Jeongin only to find one of his eyes open as he tried not to laugh. Seungmin slid his finger along his throat threateningly as he threw his bag down.

  After Hyunjin emerged from the bathroom, Seungmin entered and laughed at all of his skin products on the counter.

   No wonder he's so beautiful.

  Seungmin washed his face and changed, seeing Hyunjin already comfortable and so soft on one side of his - their - bed. Seungmin sighed and decided to just deal with his heart palpitations. He climbed slowly under the blankets, careful not to disturb Hyunjin, and switched off the lamp.

~~~

  “Felix, you good?” Changbin asked as they got off the bus. His smile was lopsided and Felix was staring and he was not good.

  “Yeah,” he mumbled.

  Changbin laughed and patted him on the back as they began walking towards the soccer field. “Nervous?”

  “I mean. Yes? Jisung is kind of… out of commission. And I'm just scared.”

  “It's okay. Kevin's been practicing.”

  “I know.”

  Felix didn't want to explain how he was anxious all the time, constantly thinking and pondering and worrying about everything that presented itself to him.

  “Tiger roar?” Changbin said with another smile.

  “Tiger roar.”

  Felix heard a few others repeat the mantra out of habit and smiled. He knew there was a team of people with him, and that made him feel better. He had to win and go to nationals. For them. For Changbin, but also for everyone else. And for himself. Felix did want to win.

  They made their way out onto the field in the stadium - it wasn't a huge stadium, but it was large enough to be intimidating, with a clean green field, neat painted lines, and enough space in the stands to hold more people than Felix had ever seen in one place - other than a crowded street in Seoul, he supposed.

  He pulled on his shin guards, socks, and cleats while sitting on the sidelines, trying not to panic. Jisung talked the whole time, wearing his jersey despite the fact he was unable to play. It kept Felix distracted, so he was grateful for it.

  It didn't take long before he was standing in position with people cheering everywhere, for both teams. The bright red of their school was easy to see in the crowd.

  “Tiger roar!” Changbin yelled with only around thirty seconds until the game began.

  “Tiger roar!” the team repeated.

  Changbin yelled, low and deep, more of a battle cry than a roar, and the rest of them copied.

  Soccer was one of the few things that made Felix's brain stop its churning. He felt his heart beat with pride and his thoughts cleared.

  The buzzer rang and the ball was set down.

~~~

  Seungmin woke up when an alarm went off at seven. Seungmin reached to where his phone was usually placed, but instead touched an… arm?

  “Sorry,” he muttered, forcing his eyes open and initially being shocked to see Hyunjin next to him. He took a moment to recall the day before and then rolled out of bed, trying to gather his clothes and not look at Hyunjin lest he die or something. After everyone had gotten dressed, they ate the breakfast the hotel had given them. Lucas almost broke the waffle machine and Woojin drank all the coffee, but it was largely uneventful. Well, as uneventful as things got for student council.

  They reboarded the bus and drove to the massive college campus where the conference was held. It had giant windows and people everywhere and Seungmin thought it was beautiful. They entered the large auditorium and Seungmin prepared himself for hours of listening to people talk. He generally thought these conferences were interesting, but there were always times when he lapsed in his attention.

  Hyunjin was sitting next to him, of course, and Seungmin soon learned his attention span was much shorter. Hyunjin kept leaning over to make comments, his voice ultimately turning Seungmin's heart to mush. Sometimes he just rested his head on Seungmin's shoulder, which was even worse, but he tried to just listen to the presentations about leadership or leader fish or cleaver dish or something like that.

  Still, he was exhausted when they took a break for lunch.

  He sat down at the table provided for them, and Hyunjin still sat beside him.

  “Seungminnie.”

  “Hmm?”

  “Do you not like me?”

  Seungmin let himself look at Hyunjin's pouty face and couldn't help but smile. He had no clue how to answer that question.

  “Am I acting like I don't?”

  “You're so cold,” he explained.

  That wasn't the impression Seungmin had been going for at all. He cursed his heartless reputation.

  “I'm just tired, Hyunjinnie.”

  He seemed satisfied with that answer. And it was, partially, the truth.

~~~

  Half time came and no one had scored yet. Felix was growing hopeless. His saves seemed pointless when he'd just have to defend the goal again in another couple minutes.

  Changbin was biting at his lip anxiously.

~~~

 The conference had ended, and Seungmin was absolutely thrilled to get to go home and sleep in his own bed. They had already eaten dinner and had enough sugar to make them all feel buzzed, even if it was just placebo, and Seungmin was joking around with his roommates while gathering up all of his things.

  “Oh, by the way, Hyunjin,” Haechan said, throwing his things into his bag. “Congratulations!”

  “Huh?” Hyunjin and Seungmin questioned in unison.

  “Oh. I haven't told everyone yet. Voting closed for student council president.

  “Hyunjin won.”

~~~

  There was only thirty seconds left in the whole game, and offender on the other team was approaching Felix much too fast for his liking. He positioned himself to try to stop the ball, but something happened and the offender sprinted. Faster that Felix had ever seen someone sprint. He kicked the ball and the sound of a ball hitting the net filled his ears and the buzzer rang.

  Felix went numb.

~~~

  Felix called Seungmin at eleven that night, sniffling, and Seungmin knew he sounded similar. “Seungmin?”

 “Felix, are you okay? What's up?”

 “Can I… can I come over?”

  Seungmin was immediately struck with worry.

 “Of course. Be quiet coming in.”

 Seungmin waited for Felix to hang up and then headed to the kitchen by the light of his phone, quietly grabbing a bag of chips and returning to his room. Soon, Felix showed up, face red and hair messy.

 Seungmin invited him to sit next to him and hugged him, waiting until he relaxed fully to let him go and speak. “Should you go first or me?” Seungmin asked.

 “Can you?”

 Seungmin sighed loudly. “The day was great, you know? Yesterday and today until we got back after dinner to get on the bus. And Haechan told us that Hyunjin… he won the presidency.”

  Felix's eyes widened. “What? But you… the votes…”

 “I know. The whole ride back he tried to talk to me, but I just. I couldn't do it.”

 Felix nodded and squeezed his hand.

 “You go now,” he said morosely.

 “We lost. And it's my fault.”

 “There's no way,” Seungmin protested. “It's a combination of things, I'm sure.”

  “But I could have stopped it. But this guy, he was so good. I just don't know. And now I feel like Changbin hates me for it, and I just don't know-”

  “Felix. For one thing, you know Changbin. He wouldn't. And if he would, would you want him to like you?”

  Seungmin waited for Felix to shake his head.

 “Second, you went to finals. You did amazing. It's not a small accomplishment.”

  “I know…”

  “See? You're amazing. I, on the other hand-”

  “Lost a popularity contest? So what?”

  Seungmin shrugged and sighed.

  “It still sucks,” Seungmin said, shoving a handful of chips in his mouth.

  “Agreed.”

  “I want to cry.”

  “Then we'll cry, yeah?”

  And maybe they did. Maybe they didn't.

  Either way, Seungmin felt better when he woke up and went to school with Felix that Friday. That is, until Hyunjin walked into Chemistry.

  “Seungmin, I-”

  “What is it, Hyunjin?” Seungmin asked. His voice sounded odd and he could tell. It was a strange mix of uncontrollable adoration for Hyunjin and pure salt for the current situation. For the things Hyunjin had that Seungmin didn't. Hyunjin had friends, popularity, charisma, and that presidency. Seungmin knew, in that moment, that he didn't deserve anything Hyunjin had. He didn't deserve Hyunjin, either. He felt awful.

  “I just wanted to say I'm sorry, and-”

  “No, I'm sorry. Really. Don't think about it too much,” Seungmin interrupted, sitting down in his seat, and refusing to even look at him anymore. He felt awful.

  Seungmin could see, objectively, that being student council president was not a huge deal. But it was really the only thing Seungmin wanted, and something he was relying on - something he had anticipated, gone, to Hwang Hyunjin, the nicest and prettiest boy Seungmin had ever seen. Changbin walked in a few minutes late, dark circles under his eyes, and Seungmin also realized something else.

  Changbin and Seungmin had both lost.

  But Changbin had that smile and he was on the soccer team and he had Hyunjin.

  Losing is nothing compared to being a loser.

~~~

  Felix and Seungmin hung out at Felix's house that day, angsting together and wallowing in emotions. It was a common practice of Felix's, so it was calming to do it with someone else.

  “Have you talked to Hyunjin?” Felix asked, face hidden mostly by a blanket.

  “No. Should I?”

  “He looks sad,” Felix said simply. He remembered how Hyunjin's shoulders slumped for all of Chemistry, eyes drawn down, and he looked defeated, almost more so than Seungmin.

  “Changbin looks bad, too,” Seungmin said.

  “I look bad,” Felix said.

  “Me too.”

  “This is bad,” He mumbled.

  “How long am I allowed to hate this?” Seungmin asked with a groan.

  “Maybe forever?”

  Felix heard his phone start ringing. “Jisung?” he wondered allowed, looking at the screen. He weighed in his mind whether or not he should answer. He could, knowing Jisung, but attempting to prank call him. He really wasn't in the mood of be asked about his refrigerator.

  “Put it on speaker,” Seungmin said.

  Felix picked it up and was met with a distressed voice. “Felix, I'm not okay-”

  “What is it?”

  “Hyunjin and Changbin! They broke up!”

  Felix couldn't decide how to feel. It weighed heavy on every one of his limbs and his brain short-circuited.

  “What? Why?” Seungmin asked.

  “Changbin's too distant, and Hyunjin won't stop being all touchy with other people, and they're both so stressed. What am I gonna do?”

  “Calm down, Jisung. It's okay. Really. This is for the best,” Felix consoled him.

  “Yeah. Okay… I just thought you should know.”

  And with that, Jisung hung up.

  “Everything is weird,” Felix said as he buried his face in a pillow.

~~~

  It’s safe to say that things remained in that odd haze for the rest of the weekend, never lifting except when Seungmin managed to forget about it for a few seconds while sleeping. Hyunjin didn't try to talk to him on Monday morning. It somehow felt worse.

  He had written a lot, and was scribbling frantically during seventh hour in an attempt to vent, but generally couldn't find anything other than the phrase “I want to start again”. Nothing else came. He was frustrated.

  He slumped into the meeting room and sat down in his usual seat, but was corrected by Jeongin and moved to the advisor’s seat. Even worse.

  Hyunjin walked in with a small smile and approached Seungmin. “Seungminnie.”

  “Huh?” he asked, surprised but concerned. Hyunjin's nice expression confused him thoroughly.

  “You're in my seat.”

  Seungmin stared up at Hyunjin for about ten seconds before Hyunjin gestured towards the chair at the head of the table. For emphasis, he pushed Seungmin's name plate over to the president's spot with his finger.

  “Wh-”

  “Who in this room voted for Seungmin to be president?”

  Almost every hand raised… except for Haechan's.

  “Haechan, what the heck?” Chris asked.

  Haechan shifted uncomfortably. “I voted for Mark.”

  “He isn't-”

  “Let me live,” he said with a sigh.

  “Thus,” Hyunjin said. “I am stepping down. Because you deserve it. And I didn't really want it much, anyway.”

  Seungmin hugged Hyunjin quickly. He smelled like cotton candy and he was much taller than Seungmin estimated. Hyunjin hugged back.

  “Emergency soccer meeting,” someone said, standing up to leave after glancing at their phone. Seungmin grew extremely concerned.

  Nothing is ever over, he knew. But sometimes he just wanted everyone to calm down for a second.

~~~

  “Everyone!” Changbin yelled over the noise. “Everyone, I have something very important to say.”

  The whole soccer team quieted and Felix grew impatient. He was imagining so many things. Was someone dying? Was soccer being made illegal? Was Felix being sued by Changbin for being too terrible?

  “I spent all of this morning talking to the principal of the school we competed against. The offender that scored the only point in the whole game…”

  They all craned their necks as he spoke, as if it would make the news better.

  “He was on performance enhancing drugs. The school's been disqualified and we’re going to nationals!”

  The screaming of “tiger roar!” and general excitement as they entered a state of euphoria filled Felix's heart with joy.

  The haze had lifted.

  Felix rushed to the student council room and waited until the meeting ended, catching Seungmin as soon as he walked through the door. “Felix, you wouldn't believe-”

  “The other team got disqualified! We're going to nationals!”

  Seungmin's smile stretched wide across his face.

  “But wait, what were you going to say?” Felix asked.

  “I’ve been appointed president!”

  Felix shrieked in excitement. It was fast, fast, so fast, and his running thought processes were still so fast but they were keeping up instead of being in overdrive. It was totally okay. Everything was better.

~~~

  Everything continued to be better for the next two weeks until nationals arrived. Changbin sat next to Felix on the bus and they spoke about music, about school, about life and anxiety.

  They placed second in the nation.

  Changbin held Felix's hand on the ride back, muttering a happy “tiger roar” every once in a while.

  The next day at school, Changbin approached him in chemistry. “Felix?”

  “Hey, Binnie!”

  “Do you want to go out for ice cream? After school?”

  “Like, a team thing? Because-”

  “No!” Changbin said before clearing his throat. “No. With… with me.”

  Felix's mind was racing in a much more positive way, full of adoration and Changbin's facial features. He grinned.

  “That sounds great!”

~~~

   Seungmin was president and got to stare at Hyunjin every student council meeting with ease and much more confidence. At some point he started noticing Hyunjin staring back too.

  He felt a note be pressed against his hand and turned to see Hyunjin not meeting his eyes. He opened the note.

   You're pretty.

   He felt his heart hitch in his throat and clicked his pen.

   Have you seen a mirror recently?

   He passed the note back and soon received a response.

   Yeah, but I haven't seen your number recently .

  Seungmin rolled his eyes and wrote his number down, tossing the note to Hyunjin.

  Seungmin wrote a poem during that time of resolution. It wasn't his favorite he'd ever written, but he did like it. He was trying to build up the courage to show it to Hyunjin, but he thought Hyunjin really did deserve the best and not something so generic. Maybe someday. Seungmin was always waiting for someday.

It's possible to start again.

When everything is seemingly broken, you can always

start again.

He's the light in the dawn of a new day and he tells me to

start again.

I'm tired and worn out but I repurpose myself and I

start again.

He lost what he had and I allowed his heart to

start again.

And even if I someday end up back at the

start again,

The maze is one that always leads to him and

together, we will

start again.

~~~