Chapter Text
RJ paced up and down the hallway. Over and over again. Up, down, back. It was the only way they could think of to get the worry out. It didn't work that well, but it gave them something to do. They could focus on the sound of their boots on the floor instead of the thoughts swirling around in their head.
Violet had said if they went with the crew of the Rumor, they wouldn't have to be afraid of their brain anymore. But if anything, RJ's brain had become a worse place to be.
The sound of a door opening jerks RJ out of their thoughts. They stop pacing and turn to see Sana.
"Hi," they awkwardly blurt out.
"RJ." Sana pauses. "Are you okay?"
"Yeah, fine. I'm fine," RJ says quickly. They just want Sana to leave. They don't want to talk about this. About any of it.
Sana takes a few steps towards them.
"RJ, if you want to talk-"
"I'm fine." It comes out louder than it was supposed to. RJ turns away from Sana, trying to keep her from seeing the pain written across their face. They cross their arms over their chest, desperately trying to keep themself together.
RJ hears footsteps behind them. Sana puts an arm around their shoulders. They tense up. Sana removes her arm.
"It's okay if you don't want to talk, but I think it would help you."
RJ doesn't respond or turn around to look at Sana. But a little bit of tension leaves their body. Part of them wants to talk, needs to talk, but the other part wants to repress this. They take a deep breath.
"Why are so interested in helping me? I barely know you."
Sana laughs. "RJ. You know every song I sing in the shower. Thanks to me, you can probably recite almost everything Birdie and the Swansong ever wrote!"
A joke. A laugh. It makes RJ feel a little better. A little safer.
"RJ, I know what it's like to leave everything behind. I know this must be hard for you, and I'm here for you. Okay?"
RJ turns to look at Sana. Standing here is kind of surreal. RJ never dreamed they'd meet the crew of the Rumor, much less be traveling with them, having a conversation about feelings with their captain.
RJ takes a deep breath.
"It's just-" they pause, searching for the right words. "During the war, they seemed so good. The IGR. I was quick to join them. I thought we were doing the right thing. I thought we were helping people. Now I'm on a ship full of smugglers, being chased by the thing I would've given my life protecting. By people I've admired for so long." RJ buries their face in their hands. Sana puts her arm around their shoulders again. This time RJ finds it comforting.
"RJ, you're going to be okay, You're going to get through this. We're going to get through this." Sana takes a moment to collect her thoughts. "I'll be here for you, even though I barely know you. But I think you should talk to someone who does know you. I think you should talk to Lenny."
Talk to Park?! About feelings?! Park was RJ's role model. They looked up to him. Or at least they had, but then Park betrayed the IGR. But RJ had done the same thing! They really needed to stop thinking about this, the more they did, the more complicated and confusing it got.
"It's just a suggestion, you don't have to," Sana says with a laugh. "You should see the look on your face when I suggested that. It was priceless." RJ smiles a little at that. Sana takes her arm off RJ's shoulders. "I have to go check on Violet, see if the med bay has everything she needs. You could go help Arkady find Forky if you want." And with that, Sana is gone, leaving RJ to ponder what she meant by "Forky."